The Best Laid Plans
Arun
Chapter 16: Powderkeg & Tinderbox
Disclaimer: Getting hitched!
Excerpts from National Intelligence Estimate on Fire country submitted to the Daimyo of Cloud:
"…In Tea, Fire's successful rebuilding effort of the country's infrastructure has brought renewed prosperity and has reduced popular support for the insurrection. Patriots of the disposed regime are finding it increasingly hard to operate within the land as support for the nationalist cause is fast disappearing among the population…"
"…The window of opportunity obtained by Muromachi's actions during the final days of Fire's conquest of Tea is now closed. Thanks to the strategies devised by Sarutobi Hiruzen, the retired Third Hokage of Konoha and commander of Root division of Fire's Ninja Corps, counter-infiltration operations have increased vastly in effectiveness to the extent that seven of the last eight insertion attempts by both Rock and Cloud have ended in failure. The port and the shipyard have now been open for two years and the blue water approaches to Tea are now heavily patrolled, starving the insurgents of essential supplies of the materials of war. In conclusion, the insurgency in Tea is no longer sustainable at the level of the first two years…"
"…Even though more than three years have passed since the disposal of the Yondaime Kazekage and in spite of the close friendship between the Godaime Kazekage and the Daimyo of Wind, Suna continues to remain a shadow of its former glory. Owing to a number of tragedies that have befallen Sand shinobi operating outside the walls of the hidden village over the course of the last year and the growing unpopularity and disillusionment with the government on three of the seven provinces in the country, the position of the Daimyo has worsened. Intelligence strongly suspects Leaf's hand in both instances, though incontrovertible evidence has so far eluded all investigating agencies. This state of affairs is regrettable as the Daimyo is unable to act decisively against Fire so long as he faces a divided population at home…"
"…Though it couldn't have been foreseen, the ascension of Wave as a major trading partner to Fire and a prominent export hub as well as the cozy relationship they share with Hi no Kuni is cause for concern. Wave has recently concluded an agreement with Fire to station one of the latter's regiments within their borders close to the port through which passes 10% of Cloud's external trade merchandise as of date. There is evidence of a Konoha black ops element operating within Wave's border with impunity, though both Fire and Wave have denied it. Furthermore, a total of twenty friendly port calls were made by Fire navy at Wave's capital in the last six months whereas Wave has refused our offer of army and naval elements to protect their boundaries. Wave has thus become a cause of concern and…"
"…Rumors of a jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi persist. There is now enough evidence to conclude that there is such a shinobi in Konoha's ranks, though the appearance and description of the nin vary. Moreover, the Godaime Hokage hasn't deigned to return the Ichibi to rightful owners in Suna. Since the One Tail is a carefully held secret in Hidden Leaf, there are concerns about whether it has been sealed into another to forge a new weapon. Such a state of affairs is unacceptable as..."
"…However, evidence points that Akatsuki (see report TSS193jd89 for details) are also unaware of the Ichibi's location. Since the cabal is markedly belligerent towards Konoha and has demonstrated their superior intelligence gathering abilities in overtures made to Cloud and Rock courts, it appears probable that the fate of the One Tail will remain unknown for sometime to come until Leaf acts. Interestingly, reports say that Akatsuki's failure in this regard has delayed the execution of the shadowy organization's plans. The question why the mercenaries would seek out the tailed beast is unanswered. Intelligence considers this a cause for concern as their plans may include designs on our own strategic weapons as well…"
"…In conclusion, with their newly assimilated territories and their enhanced military might, prosperity and political influence, and continuing lawlessness in Wind fostered by Fire's interference, Hi no Kuni is now the greatest threat to the status quo in the Elemental countries and the biggest threat to Cloud's sovereignty."
xxxxx
The tea was subpar today.
"This tea is shit," Naruto bemoaned, waving his cup in the air.
"What else can you expect in a rundown establishment as this one," Sasuke pointed out from across the table, gesturing with his sake saucer at the opulent surroundings.
Seeing as how the establishment was the most expensive in Konoha and catered mostly to the affluent, the majordomo had every reason to look offended. Too bad for him he was too cultured to throw Team 7 out on their asses right then and there.
"And you're a wanker," Naruto retorted loudly, "sitting there swilling your precious sake, ignoring your unfortunate friend who has been cursed to drink this vile cat piss."
"Well, fuck you. You're the one who wanted tea when Sakura and I were content with sake."
A gentleman and his lady friend in the center of the room hastily paid their bill and cleared the building. Sakura, seated at the third side facing the restaurant's aghast patrons, covered her head in shame. It was as if her teammates went out of the way to embarrass her in public.
"Bastard!" Naruto barked even more loudly. "Why I should gut you, then cut off your balls and use them to shut your trap right where you sit."
"And I should strangle you with your intestines and paint the walls red with your blood, you pussy," Sasuke replied in an equally loud and vehement voice.
Another patron left the building in a hurry. The exchange would definitely have continued further had not the majordomo approached the table.
"Yes, dear fellow?" Naruto asked, putting on cultured airs. After the performance of the last minute, no one was fooled.
"I'm going to have to ask you to vacate the premises, Sir," the man said.
Sasuke looked affronted.
"Well, the tea is shit anyways," he said pleasantly, rising to his feet.
"And the ambience sucks donkey's balls," Naruto added helpfully for the majordomo's benefit. "You might want to look into it, but seriously, what's a tea house without hookers?"
xxxxx
Two minutes later…
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" twin cries of pain resonated through the street as Sakura dragged her teammates by their ears.
"All I wanted was something nice and quiet for a change, and some decent eats," she griped, picking up her pace, "you two had to ruin it, didn't you?"
The objects of her ire did not answer her. The pain from their distended ears was simply unbearable.
"Well, c'mon then. We'll do things your way. But I swear, one of these days I'm going to make you wear skirts and sing soprano."
Naruto winced. Ami, his girlfriend in Wave, would kill him if she lost her favorite plaything. However, he was glad that Sasuke, who'd normally make fun of him at this point, was otherwise engaged in sharing his torment. It was easy for the raven-haired Uchiha, seeing as how he preferred the government run whoring houses for rest and relaxation whenever he wanted, which wasn't often.
Fortunately, ten minutes of excruciating agony later, they reached the common bath. Sure enough, Jiraiya, their teacher, was busy peeping.
"Is the haul any good, you old fart?" Naruto shouted, intentionally. "Sakura-chan wants to know if there's any delectable piece of naked ass in there. If there is, she wants to hit it tonight."
And hit it, Sakura did. Naruto's head, that is.
Naruto shook his head to banish the birdies as Jiraiya cursed his students for disturbing the pursuit of his true art and calling.
"Remind me to kick your ungrateful ass, Brats," he complained as he pulled his students away from the compromised peeping hole. Not one day in Konoha and he'd have to search for another one, no thanks to his disciples.
"Where are we going, Sensei?" Naruto asked once he recovered.
"To meet the Godaime."
"Yeah, like you didn't know already," Sasuke said, contributing his two cents.
"You know what, Sasuke? You diddle goats."
"Well, you fuck ducks in your spare time."
"And you suck mastodon cock."
"Quit it, you two!" Jiraiya warned as they approached the Hokage tower.
xxxxx
The ANBU guard gave Jiraiya a brief bow and swung the door open. Team 7 had dressed their ranks as soon as they were under the roof of the hallowed institution. They now entered the room in file, trailing Jiraiya.
"Haruno, Uzumaki and Uchiha reporting for duty from training mission as ordered, Sir!" Sakura, who stood front and center, snapped.
Kakashi put down his quill and cracked a smile behind his mask as he looked Team 7 up and down. His kids were grown up and become adults. His eyes met Jiraiya's and the old legend flashed a wry grin back.
"Sit down," he told them.
The foursome made themselves comfortable and the Hokage's secretary served them black tea without sugar. That was the way Kakashi preferred his tea and he made it a point to serve everyone except visiting dignitaries the concoction.
"Less than a day in Konoha after a three month away tour in Tea and already I have a complaint lodged against your team, Haruno," Kakashi said after the chuunin was done.
Jiraiya relaxed. Yeah, he'd catch some flak about the lack of discipline on his students later, but it wasn't what he'd feared. No one had reported on his peeping. Not that they ever did, mind, but there was always a first time for everything and he so did not want there for that meeting. Why, his reputation with the ladies would be in tatters if the information got out!
"Er," Sakura hesitated, "request the Hokage to be more specific and state the incident in the complaint."
Naruto snickered in the background. As did Sasuke. Today had been a fun day for them both. Three months away in that hellhole Tea, they deserved a little chance to unwind on the return. They'd apologize to the civvies later, but the pranks were just too good to pass up at that time.
Kakashi glared at his truant little darlings.
"Promoted ten times in the last three years between the three of you and demoted seven times back," he said. "Unfortunately, I can't even throw you in the brig this time around. There's an S-rank mission and it might be right up your alley. So, you're it."
The part about throwing them in the brig was a lie. At least this time. The offended parties were only civilians, after all. Fairly high ranking ones, but civilians, nonetheless. But the brats had to kept on a tight leash during R or things quickly spiraled out of control. Still, Kakashi loved playing these games with his children. Too bad they didn't have enough time in their hands this time to figure out if he was bluffing or not and do something about it.
xxxxx
The smoldering corpses of the minions of that vulture Danzo strewn across the ground before him was pure heaven. The masked Sand nin pushed at one of them with his leg and the target's appendage came ripping apart. The ANBU chuckled at the sight. Just how he preferred his Leaf brethren. Well cooked and burnt to a crisp!
The Sand shinobi turned to his compatriots and signaled retreat. Vultures were circling overhead already – minutes after the massacre – and Danzo's own would come to investigate in force. It was every Suna-nin's most cherished dream to mix it up with those Hidden Leaf bastards and teach them a lesson, but today was not the day. Even though that day drew nigh, Wind and Sand stood to benefit a great deal more if their enemies in Fire and Leaf remained unaware of the strong allies and weapons in their possession till the very end.
xxxxx
"We think that the disappearances are part of a covert operation to weaken Fire's foothold in Wind. From the reports that our agent in Danzo's camp sent us, as well as Danzo's own official reports, we think that there's a possibility that one or more S-rank ninja are lending assistance to Suna."
"Missing nin?" Naruto asked. He'd read the intelligence reports. There were numerous A-rank nin in Suna's ranks, but none were S-rank. Danzo had seen to that. Say what you will about the old war hawk, but he was good at brainwashing and training fanatics for suicidal missions.
"Or ninja on loan from one of the other villages," Kakashi amended.
"So we go in and kill them?"
"Not precisely. Before you ask, I'll get to that part in a little while.
"As you know, Wind has also been making noises about the depredations of its citizens by Danzo's men. They stationed a regiment of samurai close to Danzo's camp about a year back and have been reinforcing the same periodically. There are now two regiments in the area and another one within a day's march. Plus the assorted shinobi loitering around in the area on any given day. Without the Suna-nin, the regiments aren't really a threat except to the odd unlucky ninja. With them, Danzo will be crushed if Wind moves."
"And our mission is to ensure that doesn't happen?" Sasuke asked.
Kakashi shook his head in the negative. No, he did not want the crippled asshole assassinated.
"While it is true that Danzo dead does not serve Fire's interests, neither does Danzo alive and powerful. Our reports are very clear on this. He is still plotting a coup to overthrow me. A shortsighted idiot if there ever was one as Sand was ripe for his taking all along. But that's neither nor there. And no, I don't want you to assassinate the old coot," he clarified, catching the look on Sasuke's face.
"What is the mission then, Sensei?" Sakura asked.
Kakashi smiled.
"To protect Fire's interests, what else? You will report to Danzo in Wind. Ostensibly, you will work under him, carrying out his orders. He will instruct you to track whoever's taking out his units and neutralize them. This is part of your real mission as well. Only you will not carry out the execution with undue haste. You will wait until Danzo is sufficiently weakened before you strike against them. On the side, you will weaken Suna by hunting any patrols that stray outside their walls. This will force Sand to recall its men attached to the regiments besieging Danzo, allowing him to operate freely once again."
"We keep on pricking Wind until they lose patience and opt to use a hammer to deal with the thorn in their side, at which time, we'll claim injustice and send our forces to enforce the law," Sakura stated.
"What Fire and Konoha wanted is Wind as an ally in the coming war. But since that's not possible, we're willing to settle for neutrality. Even if that neutrality is forced on them by a sword at their neck, which is why Danzo is so useful where he is."
The three Root members nodded. Kakashi pushed forward a scroll.
"A list of assets in Wind that you may find useful. Memorize and burn."
Sakura pocked the scroll silently.
"Finally, I'll say it again. Whatever you do, don't kill the old coot."
xxxxx
When Kiba walked into the restaurant to rendezvous with his team, a rare sight met him. The prodigal Team 7 were having a quite conversation with his teammates and eating lunch. Kiba's eloquence with the finer points of the spoken language came into play at that point and he waxed poetic.
"Well, tattoo my butt and bugger my puckered ass if it isn't Naruto! How are you doing, buddy? And you too, Sasuke, Sakura."
"I see you're as foul-mouthed as ever, Friend Kiba. Join us as we pay homage to the fine victuals that yon chef has kindly prepared for our luncheon," quoth Naruto.
Kiba starred goggle-eyed. When he recovered, he pointed an accusing finger at Sasuke.
"Dude, when did he take you to the gay-side?"
"Right about the time you started raping alley cats," Sasuke retorted.
Sakura guffawed. This was simply too good a chance to pass up.
"Don't tell me you two have been doing the horizontal mambo behind my back, Naruto."
Naruto glared at his pink-haired teammate.
Kiba laughed and grabbed a seat.
"And drop that shallow, cultured act, you Bastard," he intoned. "An idiot could see through it."
"Fuck you, too, Kiba."
Kiba snorted.
"As I was saying," Shino interrupted, "we haven't seen you guys in over a year since you completed since we last met in Wave. Long mission?"
"Kind of. We were stationed in Tea." It wasn't precisely true, as Team 7 had done performed other operations elsewhere, but for the purposes of this conversation, Naruto thought it would do.
"In fact, we stepped into Konoha only this morning," Sakura added.
Kiba nodded.
"Them ANBU captains are working you like crazy, huh?"
Sakura smiled.
"Yes, as a matter of fact. And throw in all the training that Jiraiya-sensei's been giving us and we have little time on our hands."
"Well, we're glad we're just regular nin, aren't we, Hinata?" the Inuzuka asked. To Team 7, before the Hyuuga could reply, "We're on R for the nest two weeks and then back to training before deployment again."
Sakura's smile grew bigger. Kiba knew from prior experience that he did not like the look on her face at all. She'd smiled that same smile before she kicked him in the balls two years back.
"We know."
"Oh?" Shino asked with a quirked eyebrow. His bug senses were spiking and he feared bad things were about to happen to his team's well-earned R&R.
"Yeah, we're heading out for a mission today and turns out we need trackers. We checked with HQ and guess what we learned? And guess who just volunteered to be our trackers?"
"Oh man!" Kiba moaned. He had dates and plans for those dates.
"Ano," Hinata interrupted in that shy voice of hers, "where're we going?"
"Kaze no Kuni."
Team 8 nodded. They were curious but knew better than to pry into ANBU operations. They would track whoever needed to be tracked and lend whatever other assistance they could to the mission. And then, after the mission ended, they'd keep their mouths shut and forget all about it.
"North Gate at 1500. Pack rations for three days."
xxxxx
The Suna ANBU walked into the clearing. He was alone.
"White on black, darker than dark," he said, speaking the agreed upon code from the last meeting.
"Might is right," retorted his Iwa counterpart.
"The Kazekage expresses his gratitude for the loan."
"The Tsuchikage will be pleased to hear that."
The Suna ANBU nodded.
"Our strategy to keep Danzo confined is working. We expect success in another month."
"That is good."
"Code for next meeting?"
"You choose."
"My end: Orange. Yours: Night. Rendezvous, third on the list."
The Iwa ANBU nodded and departed as per prior agreement. He or whoever else was designated to attend the meeting would be there for the rendezvous.
The Suna ANBU remained at his position for a couple of minutes before he too left. Soon, very soon, Wind and their allies would move, and Konoha and Hi no Kuni would get their just desserts.
xxxxx
She rose up and stretched catlike. It was twilight and she signaled her men to break camp. Then she grabbed a bite of the ration bar, and the roasted snake and rat. The snake wasn't bad as snakes roasted on the field went, but the rat was excellent. There was something about the rats in Kaze no Kuni that made them delectable snacks. This was good because she loved rats. Briefly, she wondered about capturing a couple at the end of the mission and taking them home to breed. That way, she could have more of these wonderful morsels whenever she wanted.
"You want another snake?" one of her companions asked.
"No," she replied. "I'll have another rat now and then a Konoha rat later. I have an urge to try one of those today."
The man laughed.
"Don't we all," he said, throwing her a canteen.
"Watered down sake?" she asked.
He nodded.
"Good. Let's hope that tonight we catch something because the cat is just raring to play again."
xxxxx
"So, what's going on, Naruto?" Kiba asked once the others had turned in for the night. They were still within Fire and some teams would have foregone the night watch or had only one, but both teams were paranoid enough that there were two. As for the choice for the watch, Kiba and Naruto were good buddies as were Shino and Sasuke. Sakura and Hinata got along well enough, and Sakura was 'allergic' to Kiba. Also, everyone had agreed that putting two doujutsu users on the same watch wasn't prudent.
Naruto, who was seated with his back to Kiba, formed a bunch of kage bunshin and sent them out.
"We're not going to assassinate Danzo, if that's what you're wondering."
"I didn't think so. You wouldn't need my team if it were straight out assassination."
"You would be surprised," Naruto muttered. "But getting back on track, there are forces at work in Wind right now that are disturbing the status quo established after Suna's humiliation. We're going there as troubleshooters to reestablish balance."
"Reestablish balance," Kiba repeated. One could hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke. "I assume then that heads are going to roll."
"And it's going to rain blood," Naruto appended. "Which is where you come in."
"I can live with that. So long as you leave me and my teammates some."
"There'll be plenty to go around," Naruto replied.
"So what's happening in your life? As Shino said, been sometime since we saw you. I'd have given you up for dead if it weren't for the fact that we heard regular hearsay about your numerous and varied escapades at whorehouses, clubs and such. Especially the whorehouses."
"That's good to hear," Naruto replied. "It's hard work being a legend in the making, and it gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling that all that effort is paying off when my fans acknowledge me."
Kiba chuckled.
"So I guess you don't have a girlfriend."
"You guessed wrong."
"Fat, ugly chick with moustache?" Kiba asked.
Naruto raised an eyebrow.
"Why are we talking about your mom and sis?" he asked innocently. "I thought we were talking about my girlfriend."
"I'm gonna kill you first thing tomorrow morning, you bastard," Kiba gritted back.
Naruto chuckled.
"You're welcome to try. Anyways, her name's Ami. You'd like her."
"Dude, you have a girlfriend and you screw around? How are you still alive?"
"Because she loves me. She understands the life we lead and the stresses we face everyday doing our job."
"Really? I have to meet this angel."
Naruto shrugged. With war on the horizon and with the kind of life he and his teammates lead, chances were he'd end up dead on some obscure battlefield, without keeping his word to Kiba if he gave it.
"We'll see how things turn out. In the meanwhile, we have to come up with a way to prank Sasuke and Shino. Any ideas?"
xxxxx
"I hate this fucking country," the psychopath said to his partner.
"You hate everything. So shut up."
"You're an asshole." Then, struck by a thought, "I need to kill something."
"That's what we're here for, isn't it?" the mercenary-at-heart said.
"I want dibs on the next one, you hear me? I don't want you to interfere."
The mercenary shrugged.
"Not like I care."
"That's because you're a shit-eating, atheist asshole who doesn't respect blood."
The mercenary did not reply.
"I'm talking to you, Fucker."
"And I'm ignoring you."
"You prick!"
The mercenary stopped and turned.
"You continue to annoy me."
"You…" A massive killer intent directed at him stopped the psychopath in his tracks. Most civilians and some shinobi would have dropped dead at its power, but he groaned in ecstasy – it was difficult to tell if it was religious fervor or sexual pleasure – and an insane smile blossomed on his face.
For his part, the mercenary stood stock-still facing his partner as the latter's perversions took their course. His eyes, however, glinted at a murderous temper held barely in check and promised a violent, bloody end to the object of his ire.
A minute later, the psychopath finally shook himself out of his ardor and cracked his head.
"Now, that was pleasant. Could we do that again?" he asked.
Fortunately for his sake, the mercenary's anger had abated some. He snorted in disgust and turned to face towards the road.
"We have a job to do and that's to kill Konoha ninja. We will do it expeditiously or I will dice you into little pieces and serve the slop to pigs. Are we clear?"
If the psychopath felt threatened, he showed no sign of it. Instead, he spit on a bush on the side of the road, adjusted the weapon at his back and started walking. His partner glared at his retreating back for a few seconds and then followed him.
The pig slop was looking more attractive all the time. Maybe he should do it after this mission. As an experiment.
xxxxx
Author's notes:
Finally, I'm back! LOL Thanks to all those folks who reviewed and who didn't get a reply from me. I'm sorry I couldn't write you a personal reply.
Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. As you've guessed, various forces are moving in Wind and when they collide, there're going to be fireworks. Hopefully, they'll be spectacular. ^_^ The collision, of course, will have far-reaching consequences, but that's for future chapters.
Anyways, that's a little more Naruto than usual in this chapter. Hope you all liked him. Oh, if you've read this far, please leave reviews!