Shit, that hurt, Haruhi thought, waking for the third time this week from being kicked by Tamaki in his sleep. He had not had a restful night of sleep since his last day of school, meaning that she had not had a restful night sleep in just as long. Well, she hadn't gotten a decent night sleep since she had been spending the nights with him. Each night he would toss and turn, thrashing about and shaking slightly when he wasn't moving. She didn't know what he was dreaming about, but she knew it was terrifying him. In the morning she would ask, but he always said that it was nothing, just a nightmare.

Of course, she could have gotten a good night sleep if she wanted. All she would have to do is go home to her own bed, but she couldn't leave him alone. He needed the comfort of her next to him, even if he didn't know that just her touch had a way of calming him down. She didn't feel like it was doing much for him, but it was all she had to give him for help. He was too stubborn to take any other help she had to offer.

The last few months had been hard on him; going from his best friend by his side to a loneliness that she couldn't fill. She recognized the signs of depression that he was experiencing, knowing that this was not the first time he had been through it. If it meant he would help save someone from pain, he would walk away from nearly anyone and be stoic about it. But this, this was out of his control, and he liked to be in control.

First he withdrew from everyone he held dear. He hadn't talked to anyone from the Host Club since he left school, thought they had tried. Kaoru and Hikaru had reached out, wondering if he wanted to go to Bali with them, and Honey had offered to take him to some of the competitions he would be competing in, but he blatantly ignored them. Haruhi was pretty sure he would have cut her out as well if she hadn't forced herself there. She understood his reasoning though; they were a reminder of what he had lost.

Then he began to spend most of his side inside, cloistered to his home. She had to drag him out for walks while he reluctantly dug his heals into the dirt. The sun could do wonderful things to brighten ones mood, and she hoped that it could help him feel better; it didn't. He just walked next to her, going through the motions of living without actually feeling the light on his skin. All she wanted to do was yell at him, make him understand that while it hurt, he couldn't give up on his own life. Even if Kyoya hated him and left, he wouldn't have wanted Tamaki to give up on his own dreams and to be a shell of a person.

Their friends had reached out to her too. They were all worried about Tamaki, and they didn't know what had happened to cause him to change so suddenly. It concerned them to see him act so out of character. She would get messages asking about him and his well being. Honey and Mori mentioned that they had tried to talk to Kyoya and see if he knew what was going on, but he said that he didn't know what happened either and quickly changed the subject.

She felt Tamaki wake with a start, breathing heavily. He laid there for a moment next to her and she tried to not let him know that she was awake. It always made him feel terrible when he woke her up too, but that didn't matter to her. If he asked, she would have spent hours up talking to him, at least she would have a month ago. Now, with the deep depression he was falling into, she was becoming sick of his sulking.

He sat up on the edge of the bed for a moment before walking down the hall. She was running out of ways to help him. You couldn't help someone that didn't want to be helped, and it was becoming clearer and clearer that he didn't want help. She knew that she wouldn't ever leave him; she loved him too much for that, but she was soon going to stop trying to help.

Haruhi got out of bed not long after Tamaki did and began to pull the bedding off. It was so torn apart that she decided to just remake it with new sheets. The sweat that soaked his side had penetrated all the way down to the mattress. She would have his housekeepers take it out to be cleaned and replace it before it could mildew. It was feeling more and more like she was one of his caretakers than his significant others.

"Stupid Kyoya," she muttered to herself as she laid a fresh blanket down. This was his fault. If he hadn't hurt Tamaki like this, then everything would be fine. Instead, she had half a man that would hold her halfheartedly.

She finished remaking the bed and decided to check on Tamaki. It really did bother her to leave him alone with his thoughts for too long. She had no idea where he would have gone tonight. He always chose a different area to clear his mind in. Most nights she would find him and just watch as he mourned his friend, making sure that he was okay. It almost had become a game she would play, one that she was tired of.

On this night, he was in a bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. She could see his reflection, pale in the low light. It was hard to make out exactly what was going through his mind other than pain, and it frustrated her. She just wanted him to open up so that she could have more of an idea of what was going through his head. He didn't mean to, but she felt like he was keeping secrets from her, and it finally was angering her.

"Dammit!" he yelled, taking her aback slightly at his outburst of anger. She could see tears in his eyes once more. "Why can't you just get over this?"

"Because he hurt you by leaving," she said quietly to him from the door, "and you don't know the real reason why."

She clearly surprised him with the speed at which he turned. There was a mixture of anger and frustration in his eyes, and she wasn't sure who it was aimed at.

"What do you mean?" he replied, rather aggressively.

She took a deep breath, trying to figure out the right way to explain it. "Well, you loved him, that much is clear to everyone that has ever met the both of you. Losing him was just like losing a chunk of you. The relationship you had with each other was complicated. Then you lost him, like you lost your mother."

"I didn't lose her! I had to leave her. It was the only way that I could save her. And there wasn't much of a choice. You know my Grandmother made it an ultimatum, and I would rather have walked away knowing she would be okay than to stay and lose her anyways."

"And you put her ahead of your feelings, but for a reason. Losing her hurt so badly. You don't really know why Kyoya walked away from you. You keep assuming it was you, that you weren't good enough, or that he used you and got what he needed, but there was probably more to it. Remember when I told you it could be his family? Maybe he walked away to protect you. Maybe he cares about saving you from something he was going through."

"I doubt it. I was just a means to an end for him."

That was it. She no longer had it in her to be kind and patient with him. He was having a pity party, and reasoning with him was not working. Apparently, she would need to take a different approach to handling him.

"Tamaki, quit your shit," she said firmly, anger in her words. He would listen to her this time, and she hoped that he would actually understand this time. "At this point, what does it matter what his reasoning was? Worrying isn't going to bring either one back to your life. You were strong enough to walk away from your mother, and while it hurt you, you still did it. You can make it through this, even if it wasn't your choice. You are strong, and can make it through anything."

He stared at her for a moment, clearly in shock at the was she had spoken to him. She was tired, and wanted him to return to the happy man that she planned to spend her life with. This shell was not who he was, and this was her last effort to bring him back.

Her words must have gotten through this time. His eyes locked on hers and he nodded slightly. She took this as her cue to leave. She turned and walked towards the hallway, but not before looking over her shoulder and saying, "It's okay to hurt, but just don't let it take over your life."

She walked back to the room they had been spending their nights in. Tamaki would come back to bed eventually; he always did. Tonight, she would fall back asleep, with or without him next to her, knowing that this time she might have gotten through to him. She smiled, hoping that tomorrow would give be a better day, with her lover on his way back to being himself.