A/N: And here's the next chapter, you impatient little nutjobs. I have too many of these thiiiings. T.T
Special thanks to OmNomN0mnivore for taking the time to review every...single...chapter. o.o I think I love you. And thank all of you for helping me reach over 100 reviews! I'm so glad you like it. Also, once I figure out who the hundredth reviewer was, I'd be happy to take a request to commemorate your wonderfulness. :3
The Sitter
Part Ten : Of Mornings and Monogamy
-As a general rule, your five-year-old doesn't really need to know about 'putting a ring on it'.-
By the time Naruto woke up, it was too late.
Iruka had long since pulled out the camera, taken what he determined to be an appropriate amount of heartwarming family photos, and covered him with an additional comforter.
Which was amazing, considering that Iruka hated it when the comforters touched the floor. Once that happened, they tended to get dirty, and it was a massive pain to shove the things into their washer.
Still, it was fairly entertaining to watch, as it always involved Iruka jumping up and down, throwing all of his weight down onto his great orange nemesis. In this battle, he would accept no help, and Kakashi had long since learned that cuddling would net him an elbow aimed at or below the belt.
Naruto's sheets, simply put, were Iruka's problem.
At least he woke wrapped in the soothing scents of Apple Mango Tango before the twisting, burning pain in his neck came to his attention.
He groaned, letting his head roll back against the cushion, but the angle wasn't any better for his sore muscles.
"Sore?"
His eyes slid over to catch Kakashi's loaded grin before he squeezed them shut with a long-suffering groan, "Why? It's first thing in the morning. Couldn't you hold off on being an asshole for a little while?"
"Sorry, kid. My special pervert training allows me to wait for no man."
Another pathetic groan.
"And it's more like second thing. You have about...twenty minutes until class?"
"Motherfuck!" Naruto flew upright, pausing a moment to yelp and clutch at his neck, before running to grab his bag and go.
He ran for the front door at what may well have been record speed, chanting prayers to the attendance-god as he hopped back into his shoes.
"Good morning, Sunshine~!" Kakashi sang after him.
"I hope something eats you!"
"Have a nice day at school~!"
The door slammed, and Iruka sighed, eying his idiot-partner, "You know, one of these days, he's going to find a way to kill you without leaving any evidence."
The sound of Naruto's motorcycle starting up filtered in through the walls, and Kakashi grinned, "Maybe he'll use the cash for a real set of wheels."
Sasuke's morning routine was, mercifully, far more pleasant.
He had managed to situate himself rather comfortably in his bed after sharing the warm, fuzzy feelings with his sister-in-law.
It never ceased to amaze him what a strange match Tsunade was for his brother. Everything about her screamed 'free spirit', and Sasuke had been fairly certain his brother was violently allergic to those.
He didn't mind standing corrected.
It was fun watching Itachi try to handle 'some assembly required' with dignity each time they purchased anything bigger than a teddy bear for Kazue.
For all of his business dealings, it seemed Itachi was far better at cursing the Chinese than reading their directions. For her part, Tsunade just sat on the couch, laughing at him.
He was a man. He needed no help.
Except the one occasion on which he'd accepted a drive to the hospital after nearly taking off his thumb on the tasteful wooden crib his parents had shipped from Germany.
Tsunade relished being able to explain that, no, they were not looking for the maternity ward and that she would, indeed, 'have the damn baby here' if she wanted to.
It would have served the snooty little nursing intern right.
...Sometimes, Sasuke would have sworn the woman was G-d.
He woke up to her leaning in his door frame, Kazue balanced on one hip, still yawning and rubbing at his eyes, muzzily soaking up his mother's warmth.
"Didn't think you'd remember to set your alarm." She grinned, "Kazue wanted to say good morning."
"Sas'ke get laid?" Kazue lilted in eight A.M. Five-year-old, earning a horrified look from his uncle, "He—I didn't—it wasn't me."
"Oh, I know. I told him you were going out," She grinned, "Uncle Sasuke's waiting for monogamy, baby. Naruto has to put a ring on it first."
"Tsunade, what are you telling that boy?" Itachi's voice rumbled from his study, and both adults paled.
If Tsunade was G-d, Itachi was Satan.
And Kazue was as fearless as a saint.
He wriggled in his mother's grasp until she was forced to set him down, and he was off like a light, calling out with childish delight, "Daddy! Daddy! Naru' put a ring!"
"Well, isn't he Mister Misinformation." She seemed nothing if not proud.
"If that's what you want to call it." Sasuke mumbled, "...Good morning."
"Morning to you, too, studly. Ready to see your date without the residual beer goggles?"
"I wasn't that drunk." He grumbled, but she just laughed.
"Neither was he. So get up out of bed, strut that ass back to campus, and plant one on him. I don't want to hear anymore of this Nervous Nancy bullshit."
He opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off.
"Sweet cheeks, if you can get a skirt chaser that famous to try to blow you sober, there is nothing you can't wrap around your little finger. Trust me. I know a few things."
She nearly sashayed her way out, presumably to find the rest of her family, and Sasuke was left wondering what exactly she knew:
Blowing people, or wrapping things around her little finger?
…
Probably both.
Their campus was amazingly small, for such a prestigious school. It had never really occurred to Naruto before that morning.
Sure, everyone pretty much knew who he was, but that was mostly because of the parade of fiascoes that made up his attempts at attracting his long-time crush. That, and his tendency to pull pranks with masterful style.
Still, he was a nice guy, and people knew it. Regardless of how loud or obnoxious he may have been. When he smiled, it was contagious. People couldn't help but forgive him.
But today...
He wasn't so certain.
The minute he set foot in class—no, on campus—he felt as if he was being watched. As if he were a particularly choice cut of meat, and the student body was starving.
This was not quite the kind of attention he liked, and he liked most every kind of attention.
After his first class, he made his way to the student union, headed for the locker he kept on campus.
Only to be headed off midway by none other than Sakura Haruno, childhood 'friend' and long-time crush. She looked even less happy to see him than usual, which was saying something.
"Naruto." She greeted shortly, forcing a thin smile, "You wouldn't believe the crazy rumor I heard this morning."
He doubted that. He doubted that very much.
Especially the morning part.
Ino had a death-grip on the gossip mill, and she operated her monopoly at all hours. Sakura was like the mad vice president of her crazy-girl information conglomerate. There was no way it would take her that long to find out.
He thought she was cute, but that didn't mean she didn't scare him shitless sometimes.
Like now.
She had taken his hand, by the time he came out of la la land, and he could feel her nails digging for blood.
"W-what rumor's that, Sakura?"
"I heard some people saying that you," She paused, her grip tightening again, "And Sasuke," Her voice softened to almost a sigh, "Went out on a date."
'Date' came out more like, 'Filthy blasphemic sodomy fest'.
Naruto was scared.
"Ahaha. You heard that, huh?"
"Mhm," She replied, "Funny, isn't it?"
"Hilarious." He agreed, thinking back on last night's conversation. Here, with Sakura trying to dissect his hand with her nails, probing for any kind of information about the object of her obsession, it seemed like exhibit A in Sasuke's case.
He imagined Sakura, pretty Sakura, childhood dream Sakura, with a pair of sharp fangs, a plastic sample cup, and a bottle of lubricant, ready for harvesting.
'Hilarious', he'd said. And suddenly it was.
Which was why he burst out laughing.
Sakura couldn't release his hand fast enough.
"No comment, Sakura." He managed to gasp out.
She punched him before storming off, but he couldn't stop laughing.
Hey.
She was the one who'd said it was funny.
The look on Kiba's face when he and Neji caught up to the blonde was one that Naruto recognized. He referred to it as the 'kicked puppy', and he usually saw it after Kiba had either done something extraordinarily stupid or talked him into doing something extraordinarily stupid.
Most often, this look was seen from a prone position, before or after a ride to the hospital. As irritated as Naruto might have been, he was relieved to be looking at it upright.
"Did you guys want me dead?"
Neji put up his hands, "I had nothing to do with it. It was all this genius, here."
"I didn't mean to, Naru, I promise! Ino used her freaky hypno-mind tricks on me."
Naruto arched a brow, looking at Neji for confirmation.
The dark-haired man rolled his eyes, "She came over to 'validate her information' and threatened to neuter his dog."
Naruto snorted.
Kiba started up yet another speech on Akamaru's right to remain 'free in the breeze', but stopped short, looking Naruto up and down, sniffing lightly before a massive grin spread over his face, "Somebody had a good night, huh?"
Neji glared at him, and Kiba pointed to Naruto's outfit, "The evidence is right there, man! Check out the rumpled clothes, the faint smell of sweat and alcohol, the crick in the neck—kinky, man—our little Naru lost his V Card last night."
It was Naruto's turn to roll his eyes, "That's nasty, man. I just didn't have time to change when I woke up. I fell asleep by the couch, because I felt bad for getting the king of the perverts sexiled."
The shit-eating grin didn't waiver for a second, "Gui~lty?"
"...I had a good time." He mumbled.
"With the great ice prince Uchiha?"
"With Sasuke."
"Worth getting punched in the face?"
Kiba looked skeptical, but Naruto smiled, shaking his head. "I wouldn't mind if she nailed me in the crotch. ...Okay, maybe a little, but I'd get over it."
"That's reassuring."
Naruto blinked, surprised by the sudden interjection, but he adopted a silly little smile quickly enough, "Speak of the devil and he shall appear."
Sasuke rolled his eyes, drawing close to finger the nasty-looking bruise forming on Naruto's cheek, "You confuse me with my brother. ...Sakura?"
"I think she's in kick boxing or something."
"She teaches the class."
"Oh. Oh. That's why she got so busy. Anyway, yeah. I remembered what you said last night, about the DNA harvesting, so I started laughing at her. Guess she didn't like that."
"Girls usually don't." Neji admonished, looking questioningly at the other dark-haired man.
Naruto beamed, "Guys, Sasuke. Sasuke, Neji and Kiba."
Kiba looked nothing if not unnerved, "Yeah. Hi..."
"Ice prince Uchiha."
"Yeah. We'll, uh, see you later."
Sasuke cracked an amused smile, "Seems like it, big mouth."
Kiba was too busy laughing to feel insulted.
It was up to Neji, ever put-upon Neji, to lead him away.
. . .
Sasuke waited until both men were out of sight before resuming his examination, "...Does it hurt?"
"Not as much as the crick in my neck."
"Ah."
A quick, light kiss replaced the pads of Sasuke's fingers before his—Date? Boyfriend? Makeout buddy?—slid behind him, those same fingers moving to dig into the sore muscles of his neck and shoulders.
"Mmmm." The blonde made a noise somewhere between a hum and a moan as the pain and tension were worked away by expert hands.
"Consider it a family talent. Lots of tension." He pressed a particularly tough knot, and Naruto nearly melted.
"Can I keep you? Please?"
"...Only because you asked so nicely." Sasuke hid his smile in the other's shoulder before looking up, spotting a pair of familiar females. "Don't look now, but I think Sakura might have 'validated her information.'"
Naruto's eyes cracked open, and he whined lowly, "Damn it. They're going to kill me. You should've taken that blow job when you had the chance."
Sasuke chuckled, "Don't you remember our deal?"
"...Don't pick up the soap?"
A snort.
"I said I'd protect you, you big baby."
"What are you gonna do?"
Sasuke grinned, and suddenly Naruto felt just a little bit trapped and a little turned on, "Just because you won't hit a girl..."
Maybe the whole 'Gay' thing had its advantages, after all.
A/N: This isn't the end. It might seem like it, but this definitely isn't the end. Stay tuned, buggies, if you like the fluff-stuff, there's some more coming. And eventually, we'll pick the citrus tree. -.-