With the scream of carnival goers, and the thud of the DeSoto running over a random trash can. Sam, Max, and Geek left their vehicle.
"Have you always been such a bad driver?" Geek asked almost as soon her feet hit the ground.
"Most people don't care." Sam answered looking down seeing himself stepping in an old banana peel. Shrugging, Sam added the discarded fruit exterior to the contents in his pockets.
"Really Sam? Picking up garbage?" Geek asked.
"It helped us out a lot once." Sam responded. "And it was a banana peel then too." Geek simply facepalmed and shook her head.
"Alright, I trust you guys. At least as much as I ever did." Inside the grounds of the carnival there was a small midway set up. There were only three games being attended at the time. A shooting game that had ducks being moved along a conveyer belt, a classic hammer game to attempt to ring a bell on top of a post, and a game to toss balls into buckets. The first place the Freelance trio visited however, was the prize tent.
"Magic Key to unlock everything?" Max asked confused seeing a golden skeleton key being hung from a kind of chain.
"Oh that." The clown behind the counter said, "That's the grand prize of the day. The key can open any lock, we're 100% honest about that." The clown's tone was bored and uninterested.
"What do we have to do to get it?" Sam asked.
"Just win all the operating games during the day the prize is offered."
"Then that's what we'll do!" Sam declared.
"Guy's it's a cheap carnival prize." Geek said. "I don't think it really works."
"Yeah but it's something to add to our inventory. Therefore, it's worth getting." Geek just stared in confusion before deciding it was best to just go along with whatever was happening. Before the trio could even start at any of the three games, Max noticed something off in the background.
"Sam, is that what I think it is?" Max asked.
"I do believe it is old chum." Sam answered. Said item was an orange cone-shaped attraction, bright orange in color with a sign near it with three mere words upon it. Cone of Tragedy.
"I don't believe it, I haven't' seen that ride in 14 years!" Max gushed.
"The Cone of Tragedy? Didn't that ride get shut down for being dangerous beyond all reason?" Geek asked.
"Don't be a spoilsport Geek." Max complained, "Come on Sam, we gotta ride it again!"
"What about the feeling of emptiness and lost that comes with riding it?"
"I always feel like that. So, come on let's go!" Max all be pleaded.
"Alright, come on Geek." Sam said, "It's really not that bad."
"All I know is if I die, I'm haunting you guys." Geek said as the trio headed out for the ride.
Once the trio was at the base of the large orange pike sticking out of the ground, they ran into a somewhat overweight man with thinning and greying hair.
"Wait, you guys actually want to ride this thing?" the man asked, "You know it hasn't been serviced in just years right?"
"Look buddy, you already made the sale, so less talky more ridey." Max crudely put.
"Alright. Strap yourselves in and I'll turn it on." The man said. The trio eagerly, well two of them eager, strapped their ankles to the orange cone. Various swiss-army knife appendages popped out of the back before pulling back in. The cone began to spin, faster and faster leaving the trio as a blur around it.
"I'M TOTALLY GONNA THROW UP!" Max happily cheered.
"Not while I'm hooked up to this thing!" Geek snapped back. The cone began to buck around wildly, slamming the three around until the cone eventually came to a stop, with Sam, Max, and Geek stumbled back to the man.
"I feel so empty inside, with an over whelming sense of loss." Max said, "God I love this ride!"
"Ugh…I feel like I lost my innocence for a second time." Geek commented.
"Ah crud, all my stuff is gone again." Sam said, "Well if this is like last time, it's probably in a lost and found by now. But first, hey guy!" Sam called out to the ride worker, "All our stuff is gone!"
"Oh, yeah that happens from time to time." He said, "here's a claims ticket, go to the lost and found, your stuff is sure to be there. Now let me get back to my nap." Sam took the ticket and left the carnie to sleep at the wheel of a highly dangerous ride.
The group then hit the lost and found box, turning in the ticket allowing him to claim back his gun, stapler, banana peel, and ruler. "Hey you left something in there." The lost and found worker said. He was an overweight man, fully bald, and gave off a foul order.
"Hm, nope it seems that this is all my stuff." Sam said.
"Yeah exactly. All the stuff in the box was yours. But you didn't grab this." He said holding up an ancient looking corndog.
"But that's not ours." Sam responded.
"But everything else in the box is."
"Just take it Sam." Geek said, "I don't really want to be around this guy."
"I could always beat him to death with that corndog." Max chimed in.
"Not necessary little buddy." Sam said. "I'll take it. It might be helpful."
"Good, now get out of here." He said handing Sam the ancient food product. He went back to reading a paper, ignoring the group.
"Alright, now it's time to win some games." Sam said.
"Wouldn't it be better to actually do some investigating?" Geek asked.
"Nah that happens later." Max replied. "So which game do we do first? The Hammer? The ball throw? Oh, I know! The violent shooting!"
"The hammer sounds like the best place to start." Sam said heading for a large pole with a bell at the top. Much like at the prize booth, an annoyed clown sat by it. In fact, it was the same clown that was previously at the prize booth. "Step right up, ring the bell and win a prize ticket. Three prize tickets earn you today's top prize."
"Wait, aren't you the same carnie working the prize booth?" Sam asked.
"I am a certified graduate of the McChuckles School of the Clowning Arts. I am a clown not a carnie." The clown said annoyed, "But yeah, we're a little understaffed so I run all the games and the prize booth. I can also make balloon animals if you want."
"Ooh ooh! I'll take a flesh eating bacteria!" Max happily chirped up.
"I have to be at the balloon booth idiot." The clown said, "Now, do you think you have what it takes to win the game? Step on up and take a swing."
"No problem." Sam said grabbing the hammer. With several groans, huffs, and strains, Sam was barely able to move the hammer.
"Alright, you had your chance. You lose." The clown said.
"But I didn't even try yet." Sam responded.
"Doesn't matter, we can't wait forever for you to swing the mallet." The clown explained disinterested.
"No one could lift that!" Sam responded.
"Sure, they could. Hey Paulie!" The clown shouted out, "Get over her and swing the hammer!" Nearby a large muscular man in a leotard stepped away from an incredibly fat man in an ill-fitting tank top and bathrobe with a rope wrapped around him connected to a pully system.
"You think we rig the game huh?" The strong man, named Paulie, said, "Well look here tiny many. It's perfectly capable of winning." Paulie grabbed the hammer and easily lifted it and smashed it down, sending the weight up the poll to ring the bell.
"There? See the game is winnable." The bored clown said.
"See, I don't recall anyone bringing up the game being rigged until you did." Geek said.
"Don't worry Geek we deal with people like him all the time. It just takes a little creative planning to get around him."
"Yeah…creative planning…" Max said with an evil grin pulling out his gun.
"Not quit that creative yet Max." Sam responded.
"We never resort to this." Max pouted. Or at least the best he could.
"You guys are a lot more violent." Geek said, "So Sam what's your plan?"
"Watch and learn Geek." Sam responded taking out his banana peel and throwing it on the ground. "Excuse me, can you show me that the game isn't rigged again?"
The clown gave an annoyed sigh. "Fine. Hey Paulie! He needs another demonstration!"
"Fine." The strongman said walking over and grabbing the large mallet. This time however, when he stepped up to swing, his foot fell on the banana peel and sent him flying up and onto his butt. Meanwhile, his mallet flew up into the air and landed next to a large crate of inflatable mallets.
"Geez Paulie you okay?" The clown asked.
"Yeah yeah I'm fine." He said.
"Good, then just grab the mallet and win the game." Paulie rolled his eyes. He got himself back to the feet and grabbed a mallet. But this wasn't the proper mallet, rather one of the inflatable ones. He brought it down with a faint squeak and once again the weight flew up and hit the bell. Paulie put the easily liftable mallet down and went back to his position by the fat man.
"Clever." Geek commented.
"I try to be." Sam said, "Now, for that prize." Sam grabbed the easily liftable mallet and easily swung it down sending the weight up the shaft and hit the bell.
"Well…I guess we have a winner." The clown said legitimately surprised. "So, I guess you get this, a prize voucher. One prize voucher won't earn you much, but 2 more and you win today's Grand Prize."
"Now can we do the shooting?" Max begged like an over eager child.
"Alright Chowder head. We'll do the shooting game."
The trio went to the shooting game. It was pretty basic, several yellow duck cut outs being carried along on a conveyer belt. As if by magic, the same clown carnie popped up from behind this attraction's bench as well. Before Sam could even draw his gun, Max already pulled the Lugermorph out and emptied multiple shot into the game. Despite Max's trigger happy nature, not a single shot landed.
"Okay, I have NEVER been this bad of a shot." Max complained. "I KNOW one hit."
"Sorry. Unless the ducks fall, I can't award you a prize."
"But I saw, those things changed direction and speed every time he fired a shot!" Geek protested, "Which given how he was shooting was pretty amazing."
"Can you prove it? No." He responded, "Now stop bothering me."
"I guess we're cheating this cheater game too Sam?" Geek asked.
"Of course, Max, feel free to keep shooting, me and Geek will try to 'fix' their fix."
"I stopped listening after "keep shooting"." Max said with his trademark psycho grin. "Alright clown boy, keep the machine going. I'm not leaving until that's a dead duck!"
"This is why I should have started charging for games." The clown said as Max let another hailstorm of bullets fly. While Max and the carnie where properly distracted, Sam and Geek sneaked around the tent.
"So that's how it's kept so erratic." Sam said. Hidden behind the attraction was the rest of the conveyer belt, attached to a control panel that was being operated by a strung out looking monkey with several cigarettes sticking in its mouth.
"Not to mention it seems like they don't even have hinges on these ducks. Good thing Max is using an actual firearm otherwise he'd never get rid of one of these things."
"Hm…" Sam said seeing an exposed area of gears at a turn in the conveyer belt. "Geek, you're about to see the beauty that comes from picking up random items." Sam drew the ancient corndog from his pocket like a noble knight drawing a sword from its scabbard. With one swift motion, he swung the corndog into the gears. The fossilized pork product froze up the gears, halting the conveyer belt in its tracks. With the targets now stationary, the sound of Max's bullets and splintering wood filled the air. Sam and Geek returned to Max's side as the clown came up from behind the safety of his counter.
"So, is the duck dead enough yet?" Max asked.
"As much as I'd love to say no, I guess the pieces of the duck are knocked over." The clown said, "So I guess I don't have much of a choice. But you reap this kind of destruction again, I'm not giving you another prize voucher."
"Yes!" Sam happily shouted, "Two down just one to go."
"Yeah but it's the boring one. No violence." Max said.
"well I think it's safe to say that Max's bloodlust has only gone up." Geek said, "And no matter what you think, we have to win this one."
"She's right Max. We're just one prize ticket from the grand prize." Sam said going to the final game. Unsurprising, the same clown carnie appeared behind the counter.
"Alright, you three think your hot stuff? Let's see you win this one." He said, "It's real simple, toss a ball into a bucket. Of course, if it bounces out it doesn't count."
"Easy as pie." Sam said picking up a ball and throwing it directly at a bucket. The bucket seemed to move a bit, before it snapped back tossing the ball back out. "Somehow I knew that was going to happen."
"Well better luck next time." The clown said as Sam, Max, and Geek walked away. Of course instead of walking directly away, they walked around the booth.
"This is hardly even clever." Geek said seeing the way the game was set up. The baskets where set up on high sensitivity springs. The lightest touch would bounce the baskets making it impossible for the ball to ever stay put in them.
"I don't know, I wouldn't have guessed it." Max piped up.
"Until now I'm not sure you believed these games where even rigged." Sam flatly said, "Now, go distract the clown. No doubt he's caught on to the fact we're fixing their fixes."
"Got it." Max said with a thumb up before jumping onto the counter. "Hey, clown freak, I now present you the single most distracting dance in the world." Max took a deep breath and started shaking "Ooga ooga ooga oooga!" He then switches to leaning over sticking his butt in the clown's face before shaking it and resuming his chant.
"I don't know if I would call THAT distracting…more disgusting." Geek commented.
"Believe me, with Max, it's a very fine line." Sam added turning his attention to the buckets, he pushed down on one, making the spring compress before pulling out the stapler from Sybil's office. After a few powerful hits, staples where left inside the spring, making it difficult for it to uncompress. Sam returned to the counter allowing the clown looking back at him.
"Um…he belongs to you right?" The clown asked, "Please get rid of him."
"Max down." Sam said. Max gave an annoyed growl before jumping down off the counter. "Alright, time to do this one again." Sam grabbed another ball and tossed it. While the spring groaned a bit, it wasn't able to uncoil, allowing the ball to stay inside in.
"What? This is just…I don't see how this could be!" The clown sputtered. "Winning one game, that's a fluke in the system, 2 is just dumb luck, but 3…you gotta be cheating!"
"I would like to see you guys prove it." Geek said, "Unless you're willing to admit cheating yourself. I'm sure people would love hearing how much of this is designed to just strip money from people." The clown seemed nervous at hearing this.
"Not good…if the Clownfather hears that I cost us some profits for a cheap plastic key, he'll serve me my shoes on a platter." He turned back to the trio. "Alright, fine, here's the last ticket. Rules say you have to exchanged them at the prize booth."
"You guys heard him say the whole 'cheap plastic key' right?" Geek asked.
"Yeah but you never know. Didn't you see what I did with the corndog?" Sam answered as they walked over to the prize booth. "Behold, three prize tickets! Now hand over the prize."
"Yeah yeah. Look, let no one know you won it. Don't want the Clownfather coming down on me."
"We will, but first, tell us where we can find this Clownfather." Sam said.
"No, that I can't do."
"Want a repeat of the duck?" Max threatened.
"Alright alright! I'll talk!" The clown quickly back peddled before pointing at the tent with the large fat man and the strong man, "I don't know if he's still there, but he usually hangs out in the big top. Of course, good luck getting past our security."
"Leave that to me." Max said with his typically psychotic grin. Max ran at the fat man, only to be uppercutted away by Paulie the Strongman.
"Didn't work to well that Max?" Geek asked as she and Sam approached the lagomorph. "Here, let me try. Hey, anyway we can talk you into letting us through?"
"Yeah, get me some food." The fat man responded.
"JEFF! The kitchen will wheel your lunch when it's ready. We do not order off site." Paulie said, "Sorry, we don't let anyone through. Big top off limits until show time. No exceptions."
"But I'm hungry…" Jeff responded. "Besides, you know I got the iron gut. I can keep anything down."
"Iron gut…great grabbing goblins of green acres! I think I have a plan to get into that big top!"
"Great!" Max said, "What is it?"
"We'll need to go back to the office. Namely, a very specific restaurant in the neighborhood."