The rain could be mesmerizing, if you let it be.

Right now, it was following the proscribed path of the spruce needles, concentrating in drips at their tips, these dipping in deference and rising again, a repetitive dance of water and greenery.

The distraction was a soothing neutrality.

It wasn't long lasting, though.

"Please don't," he said to Jasper. The tendrils of his gift were almost physically palpable, a light brush at his back.

He snorted when he heard the mental reply.

"Sorry," he said, "I know this is hard on you too."

Jasper's "tch" seemed loud in the drippy forest.

Edward sighed, his own irritation flaring.

They were all on edge, mostly because of him. He knew he'd been miserable and insufferable. He'd tried to give them all space, but it was difficult to balance. Esme missed him, and didn't want him to leave again. Alice fretted more quietly at his absence, but fretted nonetheless.

Rose, well...Rose felt otherwise.

"You'll see her Monday," Jasper said.

Edward nodded. He would. See her. Not speak to her. Not touch her. Not reassure himself of her wellbeing.

He could just end this, Jasper thought, it would be so easy if she—

"Don't!" Edward growled.

"Sorry," Jasper said, "it's—you know—" he sighed, for lack of words.

"I do," Edward said slowly, looking up and then at his brother, "sorry for snapping."

Jasper nodded, accepting his intent, and sat down beside him, both of them studying the rivulets the water was carving beneath the coniferous canopy.

"Why, though," Jasper asked. "I mean, Alice has seen it—why not give her what she wants? If Alice will do it, anyway, in a year?"

Edward gave a small and bittersweet chuckle. How anyone in his family could ask this, still amazed him.

"If we could be human, we would," he said simply, "and to turn her into...this, to rob her of every human possibility, or move it forward beyond necessity….and I'm still not convinced it is necessary...no. I can't."

"Her visions haven't changed," Jasper said, "you've seen."

"Yes," Edward said, "I've seen."

He had. The ugly possibilities of the Volturi, sending someone to check, had only continued. Alice had repeated them, in detail to him. He shivered, remembering them.

They still had time though. He wouldn't rob her of it, and perhaps, in time, they would figure something out. A way to evade their promise.

A way to let her live.

Slim as it was, he clung to this chance.

"And you aren't...worried," Jasper said carefully, "that this won't push you further apart? Damage things?"

Edward felt the now familiar seismic crunch in his being. He was absolutely worried. Beyond himself in fear at what he'd wrought.

Every time he saw Charlie's future disappear in Alice's mind, his body clenched automatically in on itself. He knew she would likely disappear there to. To Jacob.

To the mutts.

He kept his distance, but made wide circuits around her house on those nights, waiting for the sounds that told him she'd returned.

If it hadn't held the possibility for such dire consequences, he would have laughed when Alice threatened him. "I'll tell!" she'd roared at him, the first night he'd been tempted to assure himself of Bella's safety. "Give her space!"

He had. But just.

Alice seemed to feel that these wide circles he made around Bella's home were respectful enough.

Esme and Carlisle tried to keep their worries to themselves.

Rose, though, was positively vitriolic.

"Are you kidding me?" she'd spat. "It's not enough that you fall in love with a human. A human. But that you have to spurn the Volturi, too? Endanger us doubly? God...what messed up kind of world do you live in?"

Edward hadn't held back. "Considering you helped get us into this mess, you're not one to comment!"

"I didn't force you to run off and try to kill yourself!" she'd hissed.

"But you would, if it was Emmett you lost, wouldn't you?" he'd growled back.

"I didn't leave him human!" she'd said. "Be realistic Edward!"

Here he'd shaken his head, "you've never wanted her changed, Rose! I thought you'd be the strongest proponent of her having this time!"

"Not if it risks all of us," she said, her voice still high, "and Alice sees this so clearly. Of all the times to cling to your stubborn ideas!"

He'd given up on her after that. She was too tied up in her own bitter self-centredness to see any reason.

Emmett's quiet support of Bella's choice to remain human for a time was a surprise though.

"I know it sucks man, not being with her, but...I think it's good. We can keep her out of trouble." Then Emmett had shrugged nonchalantly, as if this task would be effortless. He was ever irrepressible and buoyant in hope.

Edward'd taken Emmett's support with a grateful nod.

"Have you considered how you'll manage this summer?" Jasper asked. He wondered, idly, if Edward would leave, go north, not torture himself with her presence, tantalizingly out of reach.

Edward listened to his brother's thoughts. "No," he said, "I can't leave." He didn't need to explain why.

"We'd keep her safe," Jasper said. His thoughts were suddenly, and vibrantly coloured by the guilt of what had driven them away the year before.

Edward sighed. "We've been over this Jasper. It wasn't your fault."

Jasper's nod was barely observable. He swallowed. Edward tried to focus again on the patterns of the water, and its interplay with the light wind that had risen, giving Jasper some privacy.

After a while though, Jasper's resolve was loud enough to be unavoidable.

"She's right," he said. "You can't be equal."

Edward almost sneered the words out. "Of course we can."

Jasper looked at him directly, eyebrows raised. "Really." He showed Edward all his memories of him disregarding Bella's wishes, overpowering her physically when he felt it was a matter of her safety, and finally, the last time he'd seen them kiss, and Edward very clearly pushing her away. Ending what she wanted.

Edward hid his physical wince, but there was no keeping the emotional cringe from Jasper.

"She's right," Jasper repeated. "And you….well, you seem pretty sure of everything being there in a year to pick up again." He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side. "I'm not so sure it will be, and I'm not sure you should sit on your thumbs and wait."

Here Edward chuckled. "So I should show I respect her by disrespecting her direct wishes? Thanks brother, I think I'll wait."

"No," Jasper said, "You misunderstand." He blew a breath out of his nose, searching for the right words. "She's insecure in your love of her Edward. I think it's dangerous to wait. Yes, you need to honour what she's asked for, but that doesn't mean you can't do anything. Reassure her." After a moment, he added, "but you can't smother her either."

Edward rested his head in his hands, groaning.

He felt, as the youth of today put it, screwed.

Utterly screwed.

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.