What choice did she have, really?
Well, she thought, she supposed she could start walking home, but figured her chances of being left alone were pretty slim.
"It'll only take a few minutes, then I'll leave you be. I have no desire to disrespect your wishes."
It was barely the truth. His love for her was overwhelming him, and the veritable need to touch her made him ache. He didn't want to disrespect her—no, he wanted to eliminate every source of harm that could come to her, physically protect her with his own body, and kiss in every place that would allow his self-control to remain in tact. Then he wanted to grovel for forgiveness, for her to take him back, to abjure this resolve to be seperated.
Instead, he said, "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't go looking for him. He found me."
She turned around at this, "and you think that makes what you did justifiable?" She was incredulous. "What happens to Angela the next time she accidentally bumps into me? You going to hold her up to a tree by the neck?"
"This is different, and you know it," he said.
"Really?" she said, "Explain how."
"He's a werewolf Bella."
"Well, then you should definitely go after Seth, because he left a bruise on my arm the other month."
"It's different, Bella," he said, his voice low.
"And why is that, exactly?" she said, matching his pitch. "Because he kissed me?"
Edward had witnessed Jacob's memories. The dog hadn't held anything back, and he couldn't avoid the memory even if he'd wanted to. His thoughts had been that loud.
"If they do it against your wishes, yes." He was utterly serious, and Bella took a step back, unnerved. Frightened momentarily by the quaver in his voice.
"Let me get this straight," she said quietly. "Anyone that you perceive as touching me against my will is in danger from you. Great. And you wonder why I didn't find our relationship equitable and respectful."
Edward stared at her. He realized, too late, that he sounded just as possessive as she accused him of being. This was different, though. The pack could be dangerous. Jacob was dangerous. The bruises in Alice's mind flitted across his own, along with Emily's face.
"I would never interfere with the relationships you make, Bella, but you cannot ask me to stand and watch people hurt you. Endanger you."
"I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO STAND AND WATCH EDWARD! I'M ASKING YOU TO BACK OFF! IT'S CALLED SPACE FOR A REASON!"
Bella was shaking by now, full of frustration and rage. These feelings hovered over the grief and fear that ran cross currents through her heart. What if he never learned? He always said they were frozen creatures. What if he just couldn't let go of this notion that she be protected? Was this it? Was he incapable of being with someone his own equal? And if things couldn't work between them—here her heart clenched painfully in on itself—would he challenge anyone she tried to be with?
"Edward," Esme's voice called from the front steps, "can you give Alice a hand inside, please?"
He closed his eyes. She meant well, he could tell, but he needed to speak with Bella. He knew this was his last chance. He had to respect what she'd asked for, for the space she needed.
In a voice that was too soft for Bella to hear, Esme said, "I don't think any good will come of this, Edward. Let her be. People will be here soon. Give her a chance to calm down before that happens, please."
His frustration was enormous. That he could hurt, so easily, and so effectively, the woman he loved with his protection, made his skin crawl.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I love you," he said, "You have my word that I'll respect your wish for space, and whatever relationships you have." He gave her a moment to let this sit with her, hoping for a response.
"Thank you," she managed, her voice raspy and hoarse from yelling. Then she watched him turn and walk away, the forest swallowing him. Part of her wanted to run after him, to cling to him, to ask him why it was so hard for him to respect what she asked for, to beg for his touch, to chastise him for trying to hurt her friend.
But she remained instead, flooded with feeling.
Esme put a tentative hand on Bella's arm, and she turned to face her at the touch. "Is he gone?" she asked.
"Yes," Esme answered.
"Can he hear me?" Bella asked.
As soon as Esme shook her head, the tears erupted.
How much worse could this evening get?
"Why doesn't he understand, Esme?"
Esme pulled her close, and turned them towards the house, holding her so Bella could lean on her. "It's hard to explain, Bella. Vampires," she sighed, "When we mate, it's...overwhelming. And because you are human—my guess is that the feeling is only magnified. He's terrified of you being hurt, of losing you."
Bella snorted. "He could just change me. It would solve all of this." But she knew that she had no sympathy here. All of them would trade what they were for their humanity in an instant.
Esme sighed as she opened the door. She knew Bella understood the quandary there. "I have faith in him, Bella," she said, "I know he'll learn to respect you. To treat you as an equal, but it'll take time."
"Thank you, Esme," Bella said, meaning it. They hadn't had a chance to really talk since she'd ended things with Edward. "I wasn't sure how you would feel...about this."
"Oh, sweetie, no," Esme said, taking her hand, "You're family. Whatever happens. There is no question there." Then, she looked around, hearing something that Bella was missing. "I want you to remember that," she added, "because Alice is a bit worried right now."
Damn right she was, Bella huffed mentally.
Esme saw the corners of Bella's mouth tighten. She still had her hand around Bella's, and spoke, the rich tones of her voice soft and almost solemn. "This is for you, from all of us," she said, "we want to honour this passage in your human life. You've been through so much. It would be wrong not to recognize your strength, your perseverance in the face of so many difficulties."
Bella felt like an utter heel.
Clearly, Esme had the whole arsenal of maternal guilt primed, and at her vampiric disposal.
"I know you don't like surprises, but we didn't think you'd want to spend weeks fretting over it, either. I hope you'll enjoy this opportunity to see your friends, to celebrate what you've accomplished."
She said "thank you" in what felt like a very small voice.
Alice had appeared, hearing this. "Hey," she said, not quite sure what else to add.
"Thank you, Alice," Bella said, moving her hand from Esme's to hers, "I'm sure you've thought of everything." She smiled softly, meaning it.
"Of course I did," Alice said coyly, "right up to the part where I invited what I thought was your best friend." She flicked her eyebrows up and then down, "but I suspect he might have felt uninvited by the earlier events of the evening."
"You...invited Jacob?" Bella asked, stunned.
"Certainly," Esme said, "it would've been an insult not too. I was sorry that your mother couldn't make it, but with Phil's leg—"
"And my mom?"
Alice rolled her eyes, pulling Bella into a gentle, but frigid hug. "Am I forgiven for surprising you?"
"Yes," Bella said, returning the gesture, "thank you."
"Good," Alice chirped, pulling back and brushing something out of Bella's hair, "because the first group of guests is coming down the drive."
Jasper joined them, and along with Alice and Bella, they welcomed a car-load of Bella's friends, apparently all too nervous to come alone.
"Hi Bella!" Angela said, Ben following uncertainly behind her. Mike and Jessica trailed after, and following hem, another car pulled up, this disgorging Lauren and her pimply accomplice.
The food must have been good, because Bella noticed it disappearing. The entire graduating class had been invited, and most had come. The dance floor was busy, but cleared every time any of the Cullens graced it with their presence. Emmett and Rose were pretending to be "home" from college, and twirled and snapped in elegant patterns, intimidating all other dancers around them.
By eleven, Bella had found refuge in the kitchen, nose deep in a cup of tea, chatting quietly with Angela Weber.
"Is he here?" she'd finally asked, not having seen Edward. Trying to figure out how he was missing his own graduation party.
"Yes," Bella said, "but Esme said he wasn't...feeling well." This seemed a safe approximation to the truth. She imagined he wasn't, and felt a twinge of sadness and guilt. And grief. His absence ached. She felt it, like an amputated limb.
"Oh, that's awful," Angela said. "Hope he feels better soon."
Bella made a neutral "mmm," in response.
"I was...surprised," Angela said, uncertain of this understatement, "I mean, all relationships have their ups and downs, but you guys...you, well, you seemed...perfect. Sorry, I know you're not together. I just...I didn't expect you to be apart long. You're like...magnets."
"Oh?" Bella asked, taking another safe sip of tea.
"Don't get me wrong," Angela went on, swirling the contents of her own cup, "I get why you broke up. He was…" and she looked around, just to make sure they were alone, "possessive." It was said in a solid stage whisper.
And a control freak, Bella added silently. Utterly paranoid about her safety. Unable to let go of any aspect of control, in case it brought harm to her. And totally unwilling to make her his equal.
And she still wanted to be with him.
"Yeah," Bella said, changing the topic. "How're you and Ben doing?"
Angela gushed enthusiastically, telling Bella their plans for the summer, excited that Ben would be joining her family for their annual camping trip.
"Actually," she said, "I'll be coming to see you at work, we have to stock up this week. You still surviving there?"
The question threw Bella a bit. She'd sunk into quiet rumination, the waterfall of Angela's words washing over her. "Yeah, it's fine. Should be more interesting now that the warmer weather's here," she said. The regulars who frequented the place were friendly enough, but Bella liked meeting the people who passed through town. They were frank in their assessments, and easy with their views on what they saw. It was refreshing, compared to the stale and well worn patterns of small-town gossip.
"Oh!" Angela jumped, fumbling in her pocket for her buzzing phone, "that's my Dad. I should find Ben. Thank you for the tea, Bella!" She reached over, answering the phone with one hand, hugging Bella with the other.
She'd miss Angela, Bella realized. When school started in the fall.
When her life ended next year.
She'd been a good friend. Kind. Honest. Funny.
Human.
Alice slipped into the room as Angela left. "Ready to retire from your evening of greatness?" she asked.
"That obvious?" Bella smiled.
"You're hiding in the kitchen, chatting with the preacher's kid, drinking tea. No clue," she said, raising her eyebrows, and managing to flop into a chair. She made it look graceful.
"Good party," Bella said. She'd found moments to enjoy. Not all of it, no, but bits. The Cullens had worked hard at diverting unwelcome conversations, and spared Bella the too cloying attention of Mike Newton, and a few other awkwardly stilted moments when people asked how she'd managed to be included in a graduation party for her ex and his siblings.
Bella giggled, remembering Emmett's brotherly 'intervention.' He'd sidled up to Mike, who'd cornered Bella near the food table. Emmett had grinned widely, the lights flashing unnervingly off his teeth. "Hey sis," he'd said, "havin' fun?"
"Sis?" Mike had asked, confused, his hand dropping away from where he'd been about to pat Bella on the back in an attempted bit of chumminess.
"Yeah," Emmett said, "Bella's practically family here. Like my little sister." Then he'd grinned wider, and more mancingly at Mike, who had mumbled an incoherent excuse, and tripped, walking away too quickly.
"But Alice," Bella said, "you know that whole respect thing that seems to be a challenge for certain members of the Cullen family?"
Alice looked at her levelly, hands folded primly on her lap.
"I'd appreciate you asking before planning...anything else."
This request was met with an arched eyebrow, then a sighed, "alright."
"And," Bella said, this time a bit more uncertainly, quietly, biting her lip. "Emmett isn't going to try to scare all my new friends away, is he?"
"No," Esme said, "he won't."
Emmett had entered the kitchen at this point, carrying a stack of trays. "Party-pooper!" he called, winking before he disappeared again, and then reappearing. "No," he reassured her, "Mike's just a total twerp sometimes. You didn't look like you were having fun."
Bella blushed, imaging Emmett intervening at every awkward moment they were together. "I can handle not having fun, Emmett. And believe it or not, even more than that." She dared to meet his eyes.
His quiet, "OK," and nod were serious. She knew she could trust him to respect her.
"Thanks," she said.
"Spose it'll be more fun to watch you get yourself into some trouble than keep you out of it," he grinned wickedly. Then he was gone, the sounds from the living room telling Bella that cleanup was going at Vampire speed.
Bella stood, "I should call Charlie, head home," she said.
"Why don't you call him, and tell him I'll take you home," Carlisle said, walking into the kitchen with four punch bowls balanced on his hands.
Bella took a moment to admire his grace and skill setting them on the counter before answering, "thank you. I'm sure he'd appreciate that."
Carlisle nodded, pulling keys out of one of the cabinets.
It felt odd, climbing in the car with Carlisle. He felt still much like a father figure, even though technically, he was not to Edward, or to her. He was the undisputed patriarch, though, and his authority seemed an awkward thing to sit beside.
Her mood was as readable as anything else in front of him, though, and Carlisle gave a small grin, "vampires, vampires everywhere," he chuckled. "It must still be strange for you, Bella. Moreso now, I imagine."
She nodded, and returned the small expression, glad of his efforts to put her at ease.
He pulled smoothly out of the garage, reversing in a pristine line, and then turning to move the car onto the gravel drive. He drove at a decidedly human pace, to Bella's great relief. She wondered if it was because of his work, that he behaved so much more like a human than the others did.
"I wanted to ask you about how you were feeling about your choices," he said softly.
Bella looked at him, not quite sure what he meant.
"I wanted to make sure they were ones you were comfortable with," he clarified.
To not be with Edward? Bella was wondering. Talk about awkward and uncomfortable.
"Being changed," he continued, "and your timeline."
Oh.
"Yes," she said, without hesitation.
Carlisle nodded, not questioning this.
"I know that Alice has agreed to change you," he said, "and I trust you to make your own choice in that regard. I also wanted to offer to do it myself, if you prefer."
It hung, unspoken between them, that Alice had never changed anyone before. That she had expressed her reservations and worries to Bella.
"Thank you," Bella said. She didn't want to insult Alice, but knowing Carlisle had changed people eased her mind considerably.
"Alice is in a unique position to understand and accept people's choices," he added, grinning a little, "I don't think you need to worry about upsetting her by changing your mind, considering the ultimate outcome is the same."
"No," Bella said, "I suppose not." What she didn't say, though, was that she wanted Edward to be the one to change her. To be willing to take that step to make them equals in all senses of the word, and to give them their forever.
The sudden clouding of her features spoke eloquently to Carlisle. The familiar ache for Edward asserted itself. He wanted, so very much, for him to be happy. Bella was so very clearly his mate. His inability to see what the rest of them perceived so easily, was a frustration that jostled the family's easy cohesion.
He didn't tell Bella that Edward would come around, or that he would see sense. He'd known him long enough to measure the depth of his stubbornness. He hoped, but he didn't dare offer assurance.
"I think," he said softly, turning onto the main road, "that you're wise to be clear about what you want, Bella. To set boundaries. Edward is…" he searched for a succinct way to put it, "so very intelligent, and yet, so very young...and still inexperienced with an intimate relationship."
The word intimate made Bella want to squirm in her seat.
She was glad when Carlisle didn't linger in this particular area of the topic. "He's heard so much from the thoughts of others, but...feelings, and the feelings of a vampire for his mate are...enigmatic." He smiled apologetically. "It is hard to understand, let alone explain to a human. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be condescending. We are truly different creatures in so much more than just physical ways."
Bella nodded. She had an inkling of the depth, at least, that Carlisle hinted at, of what she didn't know.
Carlisle let her think over this in silence, the night passing by them, marked by the billboards that stood on the approach to town.
As they pulled up in front of her house, he cut the engine, saying, "we love you both. Equally. You are family now, Bella. We'll support you both, whatever the outcome of this time is."
It was shocking to hear it, and Bella took a slow, and deep breath in, murmuring a choked, "thank you," in response. Carlisle's hand reached over to squeeze hers lightly, and she nodded, wiping her eyes with her other.
He walked her to the door, sweeping the forest unobtrusively with his gaze as they walked. When they reached it, Bella opened it, Charlie standing up from the couch to greet them. "Thank you, Carlisle, that was really nice of you to drive her home."
"No problem, Charlie. Congrats Bella."
"Thank you," she said, "it was really kind of you to include me."
Carlisle smiled softly, waving goodnight, his words from the car ringing in her ears as she watched him pull away.
Family.
She hugged Charlie extra tight before heading to bed, he offering his own, gruff, "congrats," as she did, startled by the gesture, but glad of it too.
Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.