Edward pulled the air into his lungs as she approached. He was early, taking stock of the place, and the options for privacy it afforded, which were none. He recognized her smell, but it was tinged with something new.

Oh.

Really?

Well, he supposed, college was a place for experimentation.

He was speculating as to the source, when she reached him, standing to greet her, at the small table.

"Hi," she said, keeping her breathing carefully modulated. Her heart was not so easily controlled. It had been weeks, and the sight of him hit her with its full impact. She really hoped he didn't expect stimulating conversation today. She wasn't sure she could manage much beyond the monosyllabic at the moment.

When his arm brushed hers, pulling out a chair for her, she shook her head, worried she might not be able to think, let alone stand up again.

"Why don't we order first?" she suggested.

"If you'd like," Edward said, gesturing that she go ahead of him.

"What would you like?" she asked, looking at him with her eyebrows arched meaningfully.

He understood. She expected him to play along.

"Whatever you're having," he said.

"Two baked potatoes, please," Bella said, stomach rumbling in anticipation.

"Interesting," Edward murmured.

"Very," Bella agreed.

She wouldn't let him pay. "Nope, my choice. My treat. Besides, I doubt very much you're going to enjoy this."

He grinned.

It caught her completely off guard, and she had to put her hand on the counter to steady herself.

When they had sat down again, Edward picking expertly at his 'lunch,' he began with the most blasė of questions.

"Really?" Bella asked, after his fourth snoozer, "you're making small talk?"

He looked directly at her, resting his hands on the table. "Seemed wise to stay in safe territory. But if you're ready for the hard questions…"

She said, very seriously, and quietly. "You're one of the few people I can be myself with. I don't want that to change." Her face twisted at this, and he could see the worry there.

"It hasn't," he said, resisting the urge to take her hand, keeping them pressed to the table top. After a moment, he said, "I never thought you'd be one to experiment with drugs." He met her eyes, waiting for the response.

She blushed, the colour rich and high on her cheeks.

It was beautiful.

"Didn't think I would, either," she murmured.

"Sure you don't want to go back to small talk?" he asked, only a little playfully.

"I am," she sighed. "Can you tell what kind?"

"Cannabis?"

She nodded, almost infinitesimally, as if she was embarrassed, or worried that he knew this.

"I have no plans to tell anyone," he said, thinking to reassure her.

"Didn't think you would, just...not sure what your thoughts on it are." She'd been looking at the table, not certain she wanted to meet his eyes again.

"I'm more concerned about its source and quality than anything else."

Of course he was, she thought. She didn't roll her eyes, but she wanted to.

"From a friend." She sounded almost petulant.

"And that you're safe while using it. With good people."

Her cheeks flamed again.

Jun, he guessed. His face remained largely calm, but Bella, so attuned to its expressions, didn't miss the tightening at the corners of his mouth.

"I was," she said. She sounded almost disappointed, as if—

He was drawing conclusions he had no right to, and stopped himself.

So he asked, just to stop his miserable speculations. "Jun?"

She nodded, clearing her throat. "His roommate had some."

She'd tried drugs with a boy who liked her, and his roommate. His anxiety was only growing. "And," he asked, very, very carefully, "was the experience...to your satisfaction?"

"It was alright," she said, her words maddeningly vague.

He told himself that she was alright. In general, she looked well. She was attending college. Eating. Not losing weight like she had when they'd been apart before. She seemed happy.

In this moment, though, these silent reassurances were meaningless.

"Any plans to continue to dabble?" he asked softly, hoping this was not prodding too far.

She shook her head immediately. "Fun to try, but no. I think life presents enough natural highs for my...satisfaction."

Edward interpreted this statement far more broadly than he should have.

She was about to ask him how everyone was doing. She'd seen Emmett, and Alice a little, but wondered how Rose was keeping busy, and Jasper, too. How they were.

His next statement stopped those thoughts.

"Jun seems to be a big part of your life these days." He was trying to make it sound like an observation, but she knew better, watching the stretch of his fingers, taut over the formica. It was as direct a question as any.

She stared, the familiar, but surprising low boil of anger starting, and startling her.

He'd pushed her away in every way. Refused to even consider that they be more than emotionally involved. He would barely kiss her—Don't, she told herself. Thinking about that will not help.

The anger didn't recede, and Edward could read it so very easily on her face. The colour was everywhere: forehead, nose, cheeks. She was livid, in all senses of the word.

"Yes," she said, not quite through her teeth, but close enough.

He wanted to be able to say that it wasn't a judgement, but it would've been a lie.

His jealousy was so twined through him it was a challenge to simply let the boy exist, after seeing what he'd done, and hearing what he'd wanted to do.

He'd respected Bella's wishes...of late. He'd given her space, but he'd also followed Jun, heard his thoughts, and begrudgingly found him to be a generally decent person.

But still one with all the normal human appetites.

Bella's appetite for food had disappeared. She pushed her plate away, and Edward frowned, this time visibly. He'd upset her.

"Bella," he said, "I want to be part of your life in whatever way you'll...tolerate me. I don't want to patronize you with small talk, or pry, or upset you in anyway, but I also don't want to pretend that your life isn't happening."

This only made her angrier.

"My life—" she started, "yes, is happening now...because you wouldn't let it before." She was breathing heavily, face still fully flushed.

His innards turned inside out, the possibility of what had happened between her and Jun so much greater in scope.

"If...that's what you want, and it makes you happy, then I want that for you," he said, very softly, and very genuinely. If he couldn't make her happy as a human, then maybe someone else could. What he felt didn't matter, he told himself. His body rejected all these lofty notions, torso contorting against his mind's wishes.

Bella stood abruptly, the tears that wobbled in her eyes were a shock to them both.

"Bella—"

"No," she said, "This was a mistake. I need to go."

She turned, not bothering to push in her chair, grabbing her bag and leaving as quickly as she could.

Edward stood too, still and horrified. He didn't know what to make of what had happened.

Bella kept walking. She had class, but she didn't care. Knew she couldn't focus on it even if she did go. She let the tears flow freely, keeping her head down, walking away from the building, heading north towards the large green space near the campus centre. There were some benches and trees there that offered some damp privacy. It would be easier to think there, she told herself, away from the sounds of people.

He said he wanted her to be happy, even if that meant being with Jun. Was she imagining things, or had he just shoved her into the arms of another man? Told her to be happy with him?

Did the idea of her being like him revolt Edward that much? He'd said he wanted her, but...the balance of his actions, of his words, spoke against this.

She sat down against a tall linden tree, one that still clung stubbornly to its late yellow leaves. If she curled her legs up against her stomach, things hurt less. Her insides weren't so pained.

She let the tears come, but silently, trying to make sense of the mess she found herself in.

There wasn't any doubt about her feelings for Edward. They hadn't changed.

His feelings and intentions remained an enigma. She gave up trying to wrangle them into sense, and turned her attention to Jun.

She felt things for him that went far beyond friendship. The attraction was mutual, as far as she could tell. There was no question there. And yet, neither of them could, as he put it, afford commitment. Obviously, Jun had no idea how true that was.

She would disappear from the human world soon enough. Despite what Edward wanted.

It would be so easy to tip over into what Jun wanted. To be simply...human, for a time. To have the experience she knew her next life would rob her of.

Edward's words felt like enough of a push to send her toppling over into this.

"Fine," she mumbled to herself, wiping her face, "if you want me to be human, then I will be."

"Bella?"

She looked up startled. She hadn't heard anyone approach.

It was Marie, out for a run, sneakers light over the dirt paths. "Hey, what's up?"

Bella stood, shaking her head, glancing at her watch. She'd been sitting there for almost an hour.

"That bad, huh?" Marie said,

"Yeah," she sighed. "Boy stuff." How trivial that made it seem.

"Something up with Jun?" Marie asked, bending over, stretching out her legs.

"No," Bella said, pulling her bag onto her back, dusting off the bottom. "I saw my ex."

"Oh," Marie said, standing. Understanding. Yes, he did have quite a pull. "Want some vapid distraction?"

Bella chuckled through her near tears. "Ssure, that I could use."

"Perfect, let me tell you about all the boys I never dated, but wanted to, and definitely, probably, should not have."

She launched into what felt like a well rehearsed soap opera that had Bella laughing and wiping her eyes for entirely different reasons. By the time they reached the dorm, her own problems had shrunk a little, and it was easier to stuff away the confusion and unhappiness that seemed to be her relationship with Edward.

It helped that Jun had messaged.

"Thanks Marie," she said softly, when her friend pulled her into a hug.

"You're welcome. Try to remember that some of us only dream of having such problems," she added, turning and waving airily.

Oh Marie, if only you knew, Bella thought, but didn't wish her ill for it.

Movie tonight? Jun's message read.

She didn't care what kind, but a distraction sounded perfect. No morbid ruminations over Pamela tonight. No.

Great—when and where? She typed back.

When the knock came at her door close to seven, she opened it, finding herself pulled into a very warm, and strong set of arms. Jun's lips found hers so easily, and she returned the pressure of his kiss.

"Whoa," he said, smiling. "Remind me to ask you out to movies more."

She laughed, and blushed too, not quite comfortable. This is normal, she told herself. She'd been so steeped in the supernatural, being perfectly human, perfectly...normal...seemed wrong.

Maybe this separation was more right than she'd imagined.

The squeeze of guilt didn't leave her for long, and as they drove the short way to a small theatre off campus, she made herself ask. "Jun, you know how you said you wanted this to be...what it is?"

"Yeah," he said, glancing over at her at a stoplight. He didn't look nervous, but she wondered if he was.

"Does that include things being...complicated. Emotionally. With my ex?"

Once the words were out, she sat, hands tense on the sides of her seat.

Jun pulled over, flipping off the ignition. "What's up?" he asked, pulling her hand into his.

"How much do you want to know?" she asked, biting her lip.

"Whatever you want me to know," he said softly, but his eyebrows were dipped together in worry.

He felt things for her. Far more than he had admitted to himself. He knew things were complicated for her, somehow. But how, or how much was uncertain.

"Edward and I agreed to be apart for a year, and to reevaluate our feelings then," Bella said.

Jun blew out a whistle.

"Really?" he said.

"Yes," Bella breathed out.

"OK," he said, "so you've got me on a timer." He looked at her, a playful curl in his lips.

"Not a joke."

"No," he agreed, "it isn't. I get that you have a timeline, though. So?"

"That doesn't bother you?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Not at all."

She frowned a little, thinking about this.

"I meant it, Bella. Whatever this is...is. This beautiful...and potentially crazy thing." He hooked his fingers around the last words.

"Maybe beautiful and broken," she mumbled, more acerbically than she meant.

He laughed, a healthy whuff of sound. "Sure," he said, but then became more seriously. "We both have constraints we're operating under."

She looked at him. "Will you really...marry the person your parents pick for you?"

All his humour was gone. He nodded, angling his face away from her. "Yeah."

She nodded, just as solemn.

After a moment, Bella said, "You realize that we're buying present happiness with future pain, right?"

He raised an eyebrow at this, and said, "would you prefer we didn't?" He wouldn't show it, but his heart felt like it was stuttering, waiting for her answer.

She thought for a bit. "No, I want to."

"Carpe diem," Jun said, and leaned over to kiss her.

When it ended, Bella asked, "Carpe—?"

"Carpe diem. Latin. Means seize the day."

"You know Latin?"

"No," he said, his chuckle self-deprecatory. "It's a thing from one of my mom's favorite movies. Some teacher chick flick."

Bella snorted out a laugh at this description. The heaviness broken, Jun started the car, and they drove onto the movie theatre.

It was so much easier, at the end of the night, to tuck away the worry, hearing his soft whisper of "carpe diem," in her ear before they kissed.

Seize the day, she told herself. So long as we're the ones seizing it, why not?

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.