WARNING: Florida, Kamchatka, and reference to the condom episode...

*YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED*

"Alfred, is your grasp of geography as bad as England makes it out to be?"

Alfred looked up from his coffee. They'd been on the road for three days now. He'd managed to prevent any incidents with Russia, thankfully… France and England, and China and Japan, were a different story. There had been an incident that raised the question of China's gender. Yet again. America had not been there for that one, but he'd heard that it involved sake, Japan, and England.

"Well… I don't know what you mean by that," he replied carefully. Ivan was smiling pleasantly at him.

"Could you tell… hmm…" Ivan appeared to think for a few moments. "How large is Florida compared to other nations'… features?"

Alfred quickly put down his coffee, fighting against the urge to spit it out all over the table. "Umm… Well… I know that it's bigger than the Eiffel Tower… and Big Ben… not bigger than… Canada's… whatever."

Ivan raised his eyebrows, pouting slightly. "Is it bigger than Kamchatka?"

"What?" Alfred rarely felt stupid, but he definitely didn't want to appear so in front of Ivan. "What's Kamchatka?" Ivan's eyes suddenly glittered with… something, and Alfred added quickly, "I mean, I can guess what it is, but I don't know if Florida's bigger than it or not."

Ivan leaned across the table, still smiling cheerfully. "Do you think we should check?"

"Sure!" Ivan grinned and reached out to grab Alfred's wrist, but America suddenly sprang up. "Let's find a map!" he yelled, running out the door.

Russia stared mournfully after him. With a final sigh and shrug, he followed Alfred out.

There were multiple nations gathered in the park between the trailers. Canada and Prussia, France, Japan (looking somewhat hung over), Germany, and Italy. Alfred was dashing around, asking questions of every country. Most gave him irritated looks, but Italy started babbling cheerfully. Russia went up to them to listen in. Germany glared at him, blue eyes flashing. Ivan gave him a pleasant, somewhat contemptuous smile. Germany might be a good country—strong in military, intelligent—but Ivan hated him. Even before he went insane because of his cruel boss, his personality was really annoying. He didn't seem to understand that plans never went the way they did on paper…

"…So, I used to love making maps—during my Renaissance—but now they're all out of date, ve. But England makes really great maps! He used them a lot when he was trying to bomb Germany and when he was trying to take over the world, I remember. Ve…" Italy started to continue on another topic, but America was dashing over to England's trailer. With a final glare at Germany, Ivan followed.

England glanced up when Alfred came in, the door slamming loudly as he entered. "Hey, dude, England, can I check out some of your maps?" England put down his morning tea and gave a suspicious glare.

"My maps," he said evenly. "Why do you want my maps?"

"Russia wants to compare dick sizes."

Ivan came in at that point. "I never said that."

Alfred grinned at him. He was acting more like himself once he had become acclimatized to living with Russia. England was still glaring, but he let out a sigh and got up to get some sheets of paper out of his bags. After a few moments of sorting, he pulled out a slightly faded one and put it on the table. Ivan picked it up and started unfolding it, while Alfred leaned over to look at England's maps.

"Wow-w—You have maps of, like, every country. Isn't that kind of creepy and stalkerish?" England's glare factor increased tenfold.

"Alfred, here." Ivan distracted them before it could escalate into—whatever. He shoved the map at America. "See, there's Florida—"

Alfred grabbed it and looked around at the Russian geography. He finally found a large peninsula on the Pacific coast. He glanced at Florida, then back at Kamchatka, and was silent for a long while.

"Oh my God, it's like twice as big as Florida."

Ivan looked at him with amusement. England came around the table to examine the geography. "I'd say it's closer to three times the size," The Brit pointed out. "And didn't you two already establish that… fact… when Russia sold you condoms?"

Alfred looked sideways at Ivan. "You know… my boss never told me how long 25 centimeters was," he said suspiciously.

Ivan put down the map to gesture. "About this long," he said, holding his hands the appropriate distance apart.

Alfred stared for a while, then finally came out with, "And that's an extra-small."

"Да. Did they fit?"

Alfred glanced worriedly at England. "I'll cover my ears," The Brit said helpfully.

Ivan continued to stare expectantly at Alfred. The American finally sighed, looked at England to be sure he wasn't listening, slumped his shoulders, and muttered, "No. …Too big."

"You were too big, or the condoms were too big?"

"The condoms were too huge, goddamnit!" Alfred burst. "It's not my fault, you freaking giant Russians! It's not my fault… Kamchatka is three times the size of Florida!" He glared at Ivan, twitching. Ivan stared curiously at him. "They really were too big?"

Okay, I think this chapter is just purely for fun. And it was! Fun, that is. If you don't know where Kamchatka is, (a) shame on you and (b) look it up. It really is 2-3 times bigger than Florida XD- Florida looks literally puny next to it.

And yes, I have the feeling that having maps of countries is kind of awkward... Once I had to label a map of Oceania for school, and printed out various maps of Australia. I was looking at them all over my desk, and suddenly realized I felt like a creepy stalker for having them. Is that wrong? I'm not even a huge Australia fan (no offense to Australia fangirls or those who live in Australia).

And the sexual tension will be resolved next chapter, I promise! ^_^ Please review!