Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 5: Le Rire Comme des Cloches

Alec didn't open his eyes right away. His mind as still bleary from sleeping and he felt very stiff. He stretched his legs out first, letting them stretch out all the way, regardless of what might be in the way, and he pointed his toes out. He curled his fingers, letting them roll into a fist and out again. He straightened up, feeling the ache in his neck from sleeping in such an uncomfortable position. Only then did he open his eyes.

It was an odd angle to wake up in, sitting with his back against the door, looking up at the grey, gothic arches on the ceiling of his dim room. He hadn't left any lights on last night. He had just fell asleep crying against the door. Alec took the time to wipe the sleep out of his eyes, half expecting to feel the tears still on his face. Of course his face was dry, but he imagined his fingers running over the faint tear tracks that remained there. Because, while years in Australia had changed him in too many ways, his crying habits hadn't been altered in the slightest. He never cried, and it was instinct to keep himself from doing so. He fought with himself internally to prevent from doing so. Only Magnus could have caused him to cry like that.

Now that he was well rested, not straining to keep his eyes open, he didn't feel the force of misery in his eyes. He felt a swell within him at the thought of last night again, though. Magus yelling at him that he had wanted Alec back for all these years, him telling Alec that he was sorry, and those final words.

"I'm not going to give up on this. On us."

Alec had given up on "us" a long time ago. The thoughts of Magnus had long since faded from his memory. Everything they had done together, every date, every loving word, every kiss… he left it all behind. He didn't need all of that weighing down on him. Sometimes he could still recall those final weeks. He could still remember Magnus telling him that he didn't feel anything anymore (for the sake of self-preservation, he prevented himself from thinking any further once his thoughts had gotten that far). Whenever he thought of the days when he and Magnus had been together, he thought of it as an actual being. It had been a friend. A very nice, kind friend who had been very dear to Alec. That friend had been killed after only six months of really existing.

And now? What happened now? How would everything change after last night. Alec had to admit that, while a part of him would refuse every offer from Magnus, that the "friend" was dead forever, another part of him was seeing dead people. He felt something whenever he saw Magnus. Yes, there was fear, but there was also something else. Something he would never admit to himself. The part of him that didn't want Magnus back in his life ever was probably the half with his mouth, he decided. The part that… wanted him back was probably in the lower half of his body. Ugh… did Alec have no pride? Was he really going to swoon as soon as Magnus charmed him back into his bed? No.

But can you really just forget about it? He's going to be here for a while.

Then I'm not going to let him get very far.

Think about it! He's here to save you. Protect you.

Yeah? What about protecting me from pain? I've had a hell of a lot of it for the past five and a half years, and where was Magnus? Probably throwing parties in his loft and hooking up with the drunkest Downworlder he could find.

And that was how Alec was able to get up and get ready for the day.

-Break-

By seven o'clock that morning, Isabelle was very bored. It was very annoying, this jet lag thing. She hated that she was at her most energetic in the middle of the night. It was so long and boring being up all night when everyone else was sleeping. It mad her feel very different, and not in the good way. She vaguely remembered Jace saying something about shadowhunters being awake and alert all the time, no matter what the situation.

Bull. Shit.

She was waiting now for someone to get up. It was so annoying just waiting here for the sun to rise. Every now and then she looked up at the wall, watching the shadows grow farther and farther. Surely the sun had to move faster than that, she thought.

Magnus had left after skimming over the list of warlocks. He wanted to check in on any of the warlocks he considered himself to be friends with. It was often much easier if Magnus did this alone; not all the warlocks wanted a swarm of Nephilim at their front door. Jace and Clary had told her how they wanted to try sleeping through the Australian night, just so they could get over the jet lag and get right with the time zone. She didn't believe a word of it, but she assumed there would be enough work for her to do so that she wouldn't have to think about it. Of course there was hardly anything she could do in the middle of the night, so she was left with only her thoughts, particularly the ones she had thought of over and over since she first saw Australian Alec.

And speak of the devil. Isabelle started, looking to her right to see Alec walking through the kitchen door. He looked like hell.

"You didn't get any sleep?" she asked, trying to sound friendly. Alec shrugged. "Was Fernando hogging the covers all night?"

"Shut up."

"Good morning." He shook his head at her. She noticed he already had a large jug of milk in his hands, but she decided not to ask. She'd be paying for it at one in the afternoon when she'd start feeling tired, and he'd be the one tormenting her. Isabelle was actually quite glad for once to not be the grumpy morning person. Oh yes, there were bonuses to time zones and jet lag.

"How has the night been going?" he asked her. She grinned wistfully.

"Very boring," she admitted. "Jace and Clary said something about trying to sleep now and get on par with the Aussie time."

"And you believed them?" Alec asked skeptically. Isabelle shook her head.

"Not in the slightest."

Alec looked around the kitchen. "How about we eat and not talk? This conversation is headed into nauseating territories."

"Sure thing. What is there to eat for… breakfast?" she asked, though she was craving dinner by now. Alec offered her what looked like a cereal box. Written in big letters across the top was "Weet-Bix". She frowned and looked up at him questioningly.

"It's like Shreddies."

She grimaced and handed it back to him. Grinning, he placed it back in a cupboard.

"How about some toast?" That sounded safe enough, so she nodded and he put it in. He also offered eggs.

"So long as you don't throw anything in with them." As soon as the food was started, he turned. He looked a little distracted, as if he had a lot on his mind.

"So if it's not Diego," she said, earning herself a glare from Alec. "What's up?"

Alec shrugged.

"Is it Magnus?"

Alec didn't say anything. Isabelle looked into his eyes, wondering if it was wroth if to try and drag something out of him.

"I've been told it didn't go well." Alec stood up straight. He didn't look much different, but the energy around him seemed to grow stronger. He was angry.

"Why did you bring him here?" Alec demanded. "You knew I was here and you still brought him. You give me no warning whatsoever-"

"What was I supposed to do?" she asked him, keeping her tone soft so as not to anger him further. "Alec, until a few weeks ago, I didn't even remember you were here."

There. She'd said it. She'd told him of her terrible mistake. It had been blurted out, but she knew she had to deal with the consequences at some point. Isabelle carefully took in his face. He didn't look angry, just surprised. He blinked a couple times.

"You still could have mentioned it before you showed up," he mumbled. He took a deep breath and then looked her in the eye. "I really think you should've said something. For all you knew, I might have had a heart attack when I saw him again."

"You have always had the shock tolerance of an eighty year-old man." She looked up at him, grinning though she had no reason to feel happy. "I suppose we were lucky."

Alec rolled his eyes. At that moment, the toast popped up. Alec turned and pulled the pieces out of the toaster. He suddenly grinned and turned to Isabelle.

"Do you want to try some Vegemite?" Isabelle blinked.

"Vegemite."

"It's a spread."

Silence. He reached over to one of the spice cabinets and grabbed a jar. Isabelle carefully considered the jar filled with dark brown "spread".

"It's brown," she pointed out needlessly.

"Well," said Alec. "Jace would approve." She chuckled at that and waved her hand, indicating he could go on. He smiled a turned to put the spread on the toast. While he did so, Isabelle wondered what was going on in his head.

Did he not care that she had forgotten him? She had spent weeks panicking over what he would say, terrified that he would hate her. What kind of sibling forgot where the other was? Alec was in Australia, that was all she ever had to know, and she'd forgotten. Not only that, but she almost hadn't been able to remember when the need was most dire. She'd had to warn Alec about this warlock coming to attack him, and she hadn't known where he was. There was something very wrong about it all.

"Here," Alec said handing her a piece of toast. She examined it, taking in the dark spread that covered it. It didn't exactly look that appetizing. She looked up to him, only to see him take a bite of his own piece of toast. He saw her watching and showed her how his was also covered with Vegemite. So she took a bite.

It took three seconds for her to gag on it. She spat out the piece she'd bitten and threw the toast on the table. What the *!

She hurried over to the cabinets to find a glass. As soon as she did so, she poured herself a glass of water. All the while, Alec was laughing his ass off. She glared at her brother. Okay, so maybe he was mad at her for forgetting him.

"What the hell?" He just laughed harder. She scowled at him, picking up the offending piece of toast and throwing it at him. It only made him laugh harder. Isabelle now had a frown etched into her face, and a horrible taste on her tongue. She almost felt sick. "Alec! What was that?"

"Vegemite," he said in between laughs. She rolled her eyes and poured herself another glass of water. Oh, God… that was disgusting. She let her frown fall upon the vile jar of… EW. She'd taken another three glasses of water – still not managing to get the taste out of her mouth – when Alec managed to catch his breath.

"That was just cruel."

"That's kind of what I thought when Aaron first offered some to me," he said. "It's an acquired taste."

"No kidding." The humor was soon leaving the room, and once again, it left just the two of them. Alec was no longer trying to catch is breath, the smile had completely left his face. She studied his face, watching for any quality that didn't belong, when she said, "I'm sorry."

He looked up at her, confused. "Why? I'm the one who made you try the Vegemite."

"It's not the Vegemite," she sighed, sitting down. She looked into his eyes, trying to make her apology sound sincere. "I'm completely forgot about you, and that was so wrong. You haven't got any idea how bad it feels knowing how I couldn't even call you to tell you that you were in danger. It was honestly frightening, knowing that I could forget about you like that. What kind of sibling does that?"

"The busy kind?"

"Shut up, Alec. I'm trying to sound serious here." She ran her fingers through her hair. "I was such a horrible sister." Alec looked as though he meant to say something, but she shook her head. "I completely understand it if you're mad at me."

At that, Alec shook his head. "I'm not mad at you." The way he said it made Isabelle think that he really meant it. "Look, I can easily say that, when you're busy with, you know, life, you don't tend to think of the past too much. You're not on my mind every second of the day, Izzy." She widened her eyes, jokingly, and he chuckled.

"I just felt so guilty-"

"Don't," he said. "You don't have to hurt yourself for having a life outside of your family." She let out a long breath she hadn't known she'd been holding in. A great weight seemed to be slowly lifting from her shoulders.

"Are you sure? I'd be furious if I were you. I mean, I forgot about you."

"I made you try Vegemite." She considered before speaking again.

"I guess we're even." He laughed at that, and again when she told him to hurry up with the eggs. "And don't put any Vegemite in it." She could see his shoulders shaking. Last time his shoulders had been shaking, it had been from tears.

Alec was so weird. Isabelle didn't quite understand how he'd gone from this miserable, angst-ridden teenager to this admittedly attractive and light-hearted man. His previous attitude, lack of confidence, and overall personality had rolled together into a person that, while still predictable, was an enigma in Isabelle's confident eyes. Now, he seemed to have become the kind of guy she would meet on the street, likeable and absolutely charming. Only now, he wasn't as predictable, because he was still, well, Alec. He was weird. Yup. That summed it up about right.

Weirdness finished up with the eggs and dished them out. The two of them sat facing each other, eating eggs. Okay, Isabelle admitted, his cooking had gotten better too. But she had another topic to approach. And she felt much more at home with this next topic.

"So," she said. "All jokes aside, and I mean this in a kind, sisterly way… what is going on with you and Carlos?"

He scowled. "Do you do that on purpose? Or do you actually not know his name?"

"Pick one." He scowled deeper. Oh, yes, this was familiar ground for Isabelle.

"Okay," he started, after a minute of thought. "Miguel and I sort of… I don't know what to call it."

"Hooked up?" she offered. He sort of flinched at the wording, but nodded anyways.

"We hooked up a couple years ago. I didn't think much of it, because we were so wasted at the time."

"Scandal," she muttered. "Alec got wasted. Okay!" she added when he gave her a look.

"I didn't think much of it, but Miguel did. See, he's a cool guy, and I really like having him as a friend. He practically became my parabatai, because Jace isn't here. But… he sort of… loves me." He looked up at her.

She blinked. "Jose loves you?"

"Yes." She considered him, looking closely. Finally she decided.

"Did you hit your head on the headboard?"

"Izzy."

"What? Those Spaniards can be rough, I hear."

"Yes, Isabelle," he said, sarcasm heavy in his voice. "He hit my head on the headboard just for fun. We also do BDSM, just because the agony is so much fun."

"Huh," she said. "It only took you twenty-four years-"

"Izzy," he moaned. "I thought you said you weren't going to joke about this." She sighed dramatically.

"Fine," she said exasperatedly, indicating with her hand that he could continue.

"Yes, Izzy," he said firmly. "He loves me. He's told me-God knows how many times. And I just can't bring myself to feel anything. He's really great, and he's so good to me. I just… can never bring myself to feel anything in return."

Isabelle nodded.

"Nice poker face, by the way," he added. "You almost look like you care."

"Thanks, I practice in the mirror," she said in a dry tone. She was careful to actually look sympathetic here. "Well, why do you think you don't like him? How about this, what are the cons to being with him?"

"He's annoying," Alec pitched in immediately. "He tends to go overboard with things. He likes to drink. A lot. He talks a lot. And whenever he does, it's feels like he's reading the words off of a soap opera script. And…" he paused, considering the look on her face. "Should I go on?"

"No, we haven't got all year," she decided. "What are some of the benefits?"

"Um," Alec thought. Isabelle almost laughed at how he had to consider this. "He's a good fighter," was Alec's final decision. "He's okay to talk to, most of the time, actually when he's drunk." He grinned slightly. "Es bueno en la cama."

Isabelle opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it. Some things were much better left unsaid. "So, other than the obvious, there are no real benefits."

Alec frowned. "I feel guilty though, thinking like that."

"Oh well. If you don't love him, kick him out of the bed. The only way this relationship could work is if the two of you spend the rest of your lives in between the sheets," she said firmly. Alec grimaced.

"I wouldn't… call it… a relationship."

"Then ditch him," Isabelle stated, finishing off the last of her eggs. "If you're ever in doubt again, remember: nothing less than seven inches."

"He doesn't wear heels, Izzy."

"I figured."

Alec cleared their plates, while Isabelle looked over the papers still lying on the table. She wasn't actually reading them. She was enjoying the moment of happiness. She and Alec were having a nice, sibling type of moment. Their first in over five years. And it went great.

"Alec," she said, no trace of humor in her tone. "If you're not going to do anything with Andreas… what are you going to do about Magnus?"

She let it hang in the air above them, taunting them. The silence seemed to stretch on forever, but Alec broke it after a long pause.

"Nothing. If I have my way, nothing is going to happen between us ever again." He said it with force, but Isabelle could tell that it was a bluff. He had no clue what he was going to do about Magnus.

"When have you ever gotten your way?" she asked quietly, but Alec was spared having to answer it by Jace and Clary, who walked in as Isabelle said that.

"G'day mates," said Jace, in a mock Australian accent that made Alec wince. "What've we got to eat?"

The Lightwood siblings looked each other straight in the eyes. Black eyes and blue eyes met and sparkled with mischief.

"Do you want to try some Vegemite, Jace?"

"It's really good. You'll love it."

AN: Hee hee. I don't have a meh for this chapter. I'm sorry that not much happens, but I like how the Lightwood conversation turned out. I made it much longer than intended, but I don't regret it. I had fun writing this one.

I have to say, sorry if you actually like Vegemite. I've tried it, and I just don't have that "acquired taste". I'm also sorry about the Spanish. I speak a bit of French. Absolutely no Spanish. Please tell me if it's wrong.

Aussi, I have a HUGE thing to discuss with you all. I need some Spanish names. Seriously, I'm running low, and Izzy is never going to call him Miguel. PLEASE! I would LOVE to get some ideas from you all.

Thanks for reading. I hoped you enjoyed it.

PS: Every name earns you a virtual cookie.

PSS: If anyone here is from Sydney, Australia, please tell me what your city is like. I can only get so much information, and I would love to know more about this place. It sounds absolutely amazing, so tell me whatever you can.