"You don't think," Edward said, "that Victoria wanting us away from each other, trying to drive us apart using any means necessary, isn't reason enough for us to stay together? Even just for the sake of your safety? Ignoring all the other reasons?"
Other reasons.
How much those two small words inferred.
She'd recovered, mostly, from the distraught shock of what had happened earlier in the day. There was still a tremble in her arms, and he could see the beginning of bruises flowering up her forearms. She'd refused all offers of help, and had gone to shower and change alone.
Jasper had tried to calm her when she'd come back downstairs, but it had only made her more jittery, knowing what it hid. He and the others had finally gone outside, giving Edward and Bella some space to talk in relative private.
They were seated in the living room, awkwardly facing each other.
Edward reached out his own hand, silently asking for hers.
Tentatively and uncertainly, she placed hers in it. The familiar thrill stole up her arm, and his too.
"I love you, Bella."
She blinked rapidly, and he could smell the salt of her tears, feeling the backwards pull of her hand.
He didn't let go, squeezing her fingers gently. "I've been foolish, Bella, in the extreme. I've had months to realize that." He paused, trying to think how he could explain this. "I know you've felt unequal to me—and I've tried, and failed to show you that you're not." When she opened her mouth to interject, he held up his other hand, "let me finish, please."
She nodded, eyebrows working together.
"I've stubbornly held onto the idea of you remaining human—something which all of us," and his hand swept the house, metaphorically gathering his family, "prize, and would have back, at any cost. But I haven't listened to what you've wanted. And you've been so very clear about it. I'm sorry, that I've put you through that."
She was staring, shocked to an intent silence.
"I'll change you, Bella, if it's still what you want. Regardless of whether or not you want me."
Her eyes were wide now.
It was her turn to swallow, shaking her head in confusion. "How," she started. "How can you possibly want me?"
"How can I not want you? I love you Bella. That's never changed. I understand," he said, voice vibrating with feeling, "if your feelings have. If Jun—"
"No," she said vehemently. "I never intended—I was so stupid Edward. I thought—" She shook her head. "I love you." She went to say more, but he had closed the gap, lips pressed to hers, hands at her cheeks. His touch woke every inch of her flesh, sparks travelling upwards and inwards as her blood abandoned her extremities, and migrated towards where their bodies met.
"Edward, stop," she whispered.
He pulled back a bare inch.
"I can't," she sobbed. "I've been horrible to you. I—"
"No," he said. "I left you. I told you I didn't love you. Then I abandoned you in the woods, where you searched for me, getting lost and hurt. I left you with a vampire hunting for you. I left you with werewolves. I forced my family to abandon you, and to cut all ties. Yet, when Alice asked you, you walked into a nest of deathly creatures to save my life. The cost of that was the forfeit of your human life. You have nothing to apologise to me for."
"I slept with someone else."
He sighed, pressing his forehead to hers. "And I refused you repeatedly, rejected you, and left you feeling inadequate and wanting. I have hurt you so much Bella, and you ask me how I can stand to have you? The question here is how you can still want me?"
"I love you," she whispered. "I—"
"That is so much more than enough," he said, kissing her again.
She pulled back again, conflicted by her guilt, and the things his touch evoked in her. "Stop, please, just listen," she finally pushed out.
He nodded, putting his hands down on the couch.
"I get that you think you've hurt me, but I know you did that to protect me Edward. It makes a difference." Seeing him about to open his mouth, she said, "it does. What I did," she blew out her breath, "wasn't just less noble, it was despicable. I asked for this time so you could see that me staying human wouldn't work—"
"That's not ignoble, Bella. I accept the truth of it, and I've said as much."
She had to rush out the next words, before she was too afraid to say them. "I used someone, Edward. I used Jun as a substitute, because I wanted you. I told myself he was OK with it, and that made it alright. I could've ended our separation at any time, but I didn't." She'd kept her voice even until now. It was a broken octave of sound now. "What I did was beyond selfish, I'm not even sure if there's a word for it."
"Abandoned you, lied to you, endangered you, left you in mortal peril, denied you when I returned, and continued in my stupid obstinacy in the face of your repeated requests to the contrary." He swallowed, grimacing. "We all have sins Bella, and mine outweigh yours by far. It doesn't matter to me. Why do you want it to?"
"I've never been worth what you have to offer," she whispered. "I love you. I want you. I just—I don't understand how you could want me."
"I love you," he said, bringing his lips to hers. "And I want you. Forever. If you'll have me."
She could only nod wordlessly, now leaning forward to meet his kiss. But when his hands slipped around her back, pulling her closer, she hissed in a breath, and he released her, eyebrows wedged together in worry.
"I hurt you," he said, hands hovering at her side.
"No, my back's just sore," she said, shaking her head.
"May I?" he asked, alarmed. His touch had been light. It shouldn't have hurt. It meant something was wrong if it did.
"Sure," she said, shrugging.
Lifting the back of her shirt ever so slightly, he muffled the horror that wanted to erupt out of him. "I think," he said carefully, "that you should see a doctor." He swallowed, looking at the purple and red blotches spread over the curl of her back.
"It's just a bruise," she said, pulling her shirt down. "It'll get better in a few days."
She couldn't have seen the full scope of it, Edward realized, mentally running through his medical training.
"Are you feeling nauseous?"
She made a sound that was half snort, and half chuckle. "Was there something in that list about being overprotective?"
He was unphased. "Your kidneys could be bruised, Bella. That's serious." He'd seen enough to know that the bruises mapped the reach of Jun's hands. "Did he grab you anywhere else?"
She let out a breath of air in resignation. "Just my arms."
"Come on," he said standing, "I'll take you to the hosp—"
"No." Her jaw was clenched. "I'm fine."
He could well understand her reluctance to return there. "Please," he said, with such vulnerability, it made her face melt. "Or let Carlisle see you."
"He's in Forks, Edward."
He smiled. "Less than an hour away."
She paled, thinking he meant to take her there.
"He can come here," he said softly. "I think he'd be happy to see you anyway, and to hear our...good news?" He'd taken her fingers again, rubbing them between his own.
"OK," she sighed. It couldn't hurt. Then she smiled. Their good news.
Yes, good news.
Edward's estimate was accurate, and Carlisle was there soon after Edward's siblings returned, quiet and happy congratulations coming from all sides.
"Have you felt nauseous?" Carlisle asked, having finally shooed Edward away.
"A little," she admitted, "but that's not unusual for me. It was a shock."
"I can imagine," he said, face folded in a pained sympathy—not just for Bella, but for Jun too.
He ran through a battery of other questions, touching her back lightly, finally saying, "I suspect they're bruised, but not badly. Drink lots of fluids, and call me immediately if anything changes or worsens."
Edward arrived at this point with a cup of something liquid, handing it to her with raised eyebrows.
As she drank it, Emmett nudged Carlisle, "she's gonna be good in the next few weeks, right?"
Rosalie rolled her eyes.
"Hey," he said, turning back to look at her. "I respect your hobbies."
"Human competition," she mumbled.
"I'll leave that up to Bella," Carlisle said. "I'm off." As he turned, he mouthed, "welcome back," to Bella, smiling, and then disappearing.
Bella tried to stifle the yawn that crept up on her.
"It's late," Edward said quietly.
The room was suddenly empty, except for the two of them.
"Wow. I can clear a room." She grinned.
He chuckled, and slipped his arm around her, carrying her upstairs, each step slow and purposeful. Human-like. He didn't stop at what had been her room, though, walking down the hall to another bedroom, this one with a larger bed.
"Whose room is this?"
"Mine," he said, laying her on the bed. "Or ours, if you want."
Ours. "Oh."
"Is that OK?"
"Yes," she said, still feeling incredibly dislocated. "It's—"
"A lot to take in?"
"Yeah," she said, smiling shyly. Uncertainly.
"If it isn't, I'll—"
"It's OK Edward, it isn't like I'm moving in."
He stared at her in a way that made her eyebrows go up.
"It's much easier to protect you here, Bella—with more of us nearby."
She opened her mouth to say something, stunned by what he was saying.
He hated to say it, but she needed to understand.
"If Victoria is not adverse to using one person who cares about you Bella, she won't be averse to using others."
Her hand was at her mouth, tears fresh ather eyes. "I should leave," she started, stuttering, "tonight—"
"No," he said. "We shouldn't. She'll try to reach you again, and we have some advantage now, knowing what she intended."
"My friends—Sam, Marie. The people I live with," she shook her head. "If—"
"If you aren't living with them, they're in much less danger."
She blew out a breath. "You can't just draw an arbitrary line in the sand, Edward, and decide people are safe on one side. If they're close to me, she can use them."
"Then let me put it this way," he said, curling his hand to her cheek, "she can't use or hurt any of us."
She didn't say anything, simply exhaling and shaking her head. "OK."
He took her hand, kissing it.
"I'm going to have to tell Charlie something." She looked at him, fingers fiddling uncertainly with his.
"You can be Alice's housemate."
"And the fact that you live here?"
He looked at her, face a study in seriousness. "I don't have to," he said, "if it isn't what you want."
"No," she said quickly. "I do." Then she smiled, "I just never imagined you asking me to shack up with you."
His grin matched hers. "You make it sound so salacious."
The happy expression slid off of her face. She knew it would be anything but.
He understood, precisely, where her mind went, and said gently, "you must be tired."
"Very," she said, making her lips flicker up at the corners. Pushing down the bedcovers, she settled under them, Edward still sitting beside her.
"Do you want me to stay?" he asked, trying to keep the hopefulness from his voice.
She answered with a nod, and her good hand pulling him towards her.
They nestled together, two halves finding their wholeness, words and hands knitting a togetherness they had each long craved.