Ch. 17 A perfect life...almost
(A/N) well ok so this is a pathetic chapter–*grin* erm I mean...enjoy Thanks to all of my reviewers and...(I don't write notes to all y'all because I'm afraid of missing someone...) But, I'll answer the questions I remember...Yes they are in 7th year, and this story was much more original when I started it 2 years ago. It's also an attempt at a non-AU Lily in Slytherin story–so that's why she changed houses.
Sorry if I missed any questions (it's 1 AM and I have work tomorrow...)
Lily thankfully did not meet anyone she knew on her wild flight from the hallway. The Gryffindor common room was empty since everyone had gone to dinner. When she got to her room, she was about to throw herself on her bed when she realized there was a box of chocolates and flowers on her bed. She sat next to them and opened the accompanying note.
Dear Lily,
It read,
I hope you're doing alright; you ran off right after the game, so I couldn't talk to you. Were you hurt by the bludger? It must have been a horrible experience playing against your former team members and your former friend, Snape. I'm sure the next game will be much better for you.
Anyways, I hope you're alright.
Yours,
James
Lily smiled slightly. How thoughtful of him, she thought. She sat down on her bed munching on a chocolate as the reality of the situation with Severus crashed down on her. He was a death eater, or at least that's what she thought they were called.
He didn't seem to want to be a death eater, though. They want to kill all muggles and probably mudbloods, too. Severus didn't seem to want to kill her...he seemed to still like her as always. That thought brought a strange kind of comfort to her.
It was nothing personal, she thought before adding bitterly, he's just a member of a psycho organization who believes in killing innocent people.
Hot tears again came to her eyes again. What was she going to do? She couldn't ask her Gryffindor friends for advice. If they even suspected the truth about Severus, they would turn him in for sure.
In a flash she knew what to do. She would write to Tara for advice. Tara loved Severus too, and would have ideas for how to help him. Grabbing a quill and parchment, she ran down to the common room and seated herself in a secluded corner. She couldn't stand being locked up in her stuffy room anymore at a time like this.
She began:
Dear Tara,
Disaster has struck once again in my life, and I don't know what to do. Severus is a death eater. It is obvious he doesn't want to be one anymore, but there doesn't seem to be any way out. He said we can't speak anymore; it'd only endanger me, so he claims. Help Tara!!!! What can I do? Write back as soon as possible...
Just then she heard James and Sirius talking behind her.
"Oi, here she is," Sirius said cheerfully. "Writing some secrets to Tara, no doubt..."
Lily quickly added,
Love,
Lily
to her note and then turned to face the boys.
"Oh yes," she said teasingly, trying to sound nonchalant and hoping that no one noticed that she had been crying. "I'm telling her juicy secrets about both of you, and of course lots about other people..."
"Let me see it the," James said smiling and trying to grab it.
"I was just kidding, James," Lily said, barely moving in time to stop him from getting the letter. "There's nothing that interesting in it, and besides, it's my letter to Tara–you have no right reading it." She tried to keep calm and act as if she didn't really care, but even she could hear the panic rise in her voice.
Sirius gave her a sideways glance, but said softly, "It's ok, Lily, I'm sure James wasn't really going to read it. We should probably go and let Lily finish her letter," he said turning to James, "besides I've got to go and meet Jes..."
James, however, wouldn't be put off that easily. "You go ahead; I want to talk to Lily."
"Ok," Sirius said slowly, casting a slightly worried glance back at the two before he left.
As Lily sat watching Sirius leave, James saw his chance and grabbed the letter quickly. Lily made a wild lunge at James and got the note back after a slight struggle. "How much of the letter had James read?" she thought desperately. She pulled out her wand to keep James at bay.
"How much did you see?" she asked worriedly.
"Enough," James said angrily with wide eyes. "I saw Severus and deatheater in the same sentence. Lily, what's going on?!"
Lily took a deep breath. At least he hadn't had time to read it, only glance at the words. "Um," Lily said, thinking quickly, "Sev's getting a lot of pressure to become a deatheater from...from some of his friends. Poor boy, I hope he'll be all right." Lily finished feeling proud of herself. She hadn't lied, just omitted certain details James didn't need to know.
"Oh," James said slowly. "I'm not going to ask you how you know this; I trust you not to believe rumors, especially not about Sniv...Snape. I mean you wouldn't believe one bad thing about him if his own mother told it to you. I think we should report this, though. Snape's a shady character no matter what you think, and..."
"No!" Lily almost shouted in panic. "Please, James, don't tell anyone, please! Not even Sirius! Sev's not a bad person...you have to believe me...I beg you, James...please?"
James stood there in silence for a moment before sighing in resignation. "Fine, Lily, but be careful ok? And..." he added, sounding somewhat cold, "you can tell Tara that we're even now..." He shook his head and turned to walk out of the room muttering, "Thing's I'll do for a woman..."
Lily took a deep breath after the door closed behind him. That had been way too close. She took out her letter and added:
P.S. James grabbed this letter from me and saw Severus and Deatheater in the same sentence before I could get it back. (For once I'm glad my cursive is hard to read.) I had to do some really fast talking, but now James believes he's just getting pressured from his friends to join. I made him promise not tell anyone, but he only agreed after I begged him. After promising, he said to write you and tell you that you two were even now. What exactly were the terms you set to him, by the way? Anyways, I'm not going to write anymore to you because I want to get this to you A.S.A.P. Please write back as soon as you can!
She sealed the letter very carefully, wrote "confidential," on the outside, and sent the letter off.
***
It was a week before Lily got Tara's reply. Parts of the lettering were smudged as if it had been written in a hurry.
Lily,
Aaah!!! When I got your note, I couldn't believe it! Poor Sevy...I can' believe he got mixed up with Voldemort! I...I don't really know what to tell you, Lily. I don't know what you can do...I don't know what to do myself. Just...keep a watch on him and make sure he doesn't do anything rash or disappear for forever without anyone noticing. Maybe he'll be able to find a way out soon. Ugg! I can't believe James did that! My term I set was that James had to someway make up to Sev what he did on the day of their O.W.L.S. This wasn't quite what I had in mind. I'm not sure if this fulfills it because he only found out the information he's keeping secret by stealing your personal letter. That's...annoying to say the least. Tell you what–why don't you tell him I'll think about it. Well–write back soon Lily–I'm sorry I'm not there to help you and Severus!
Love,
Tara
Lily sighed as she finished reading the letter. Some irrational hope inside her had said that Tara's letter would make everything better, but she knew that Tara couldn't really do anything.
***
Months passed and Lily followed Tara's advice and watched Severus from afar. Surprisingly, Lily didn't notice any strange behavior. Severus had even stopped glaring at or ignoring her. She thought she even caught him giving her half smiles every once in a while. Tara had been right; he must have realized how much he missed her and forgave her, even though they couldn't really be friends.
Over this time, Lily was insanely busy. She had almost double work to do to catch up from skipping a year and all of her Head Girl duties took up the rest of her time. When Quidditch practices started becoming very frequent, she knew she had to quit.
Talking to the coach about it was easy. He explained his sadness, but said he understood how busy she was and how hard it was for her to play against her former teammates. Explaining the situation to James, however, was not so simple.
"But, you can't quit the team," he protested before she could even finish her explanation.
Lily sighed. "But James...I have to! First of all, I don't have time to go to practices..."
"I could talk to the Headmaster about lessening your responsibilities as Head Girl," he jumped in.
"Secondly," she said, ignoring his interruption, "it is hard for me to play against my old team and house. I feel like a traitor."
James rolled his eyes. "But you're not, Lily! They're the ones who betrayed you!"
"It doesn't matter!" she said, exasperated. "It's how I feel and that's that. There's nothing you can say or do to make me chance my mind, so you might as well give it up, ok?"
Her face softened at seeing his hurt expression. "Please, James, this is hard for me, but I think it's the right thing to do. Please...just trust me ok?"
"Ok, Lily," James said softly. "I'm sorry I was so...difficult,"
Lily smiled. "It's ok," she said giving him a hug. "Thanks for caring about me."
"Um," he said slowly, sounding embarrassed, "speaking of caring..."
"Yea?" Lily asked slowly.
James laughed nervously. "I was wondering if you would go with me to the next Hogsmeade weekend?"
Lily almost gasped in surprise but recovered with a little smile. "I'd love to James," she said pulling back from the hug. "James Potter is asking me out...wow..." she thought to herself.
***
Through the following months, James and Lily started dating a lot more often. She could hardly believe that she was being known as James' girlfriend throughout the school. The only time she minded this was when Severus would give her sad looks. She wished she could go talk to him and explain everything.
The best part of it was how great James was. They could talk about anything, well almost anything. He was so thoughtful now that he had grown up. He would take her on walks with him around the lake, leave little presents for her, and just be a good friend.
Over Christmas break, the whole Gryffindor gang decided to stay at Hogwarts. Lily had had an impossibly hard time coming up with presents for her friends that year. She looked in store after store and finally decided to give them all a personal note and a book of pictures of them together. She sent them to the four Gryffindors, Tara, and even Severus, even though she was a bit apprehensive about that.
Tara sent her some french chocolates and a very chic outfit, the latest fashion so Tara said. The marauders, as usual, gave her a box of treats. Peter this time, however, included a shirt that said "Die Slytherin!" and a little note about how she had finally seen the light. Lily wondered if she had ever truly liked him.
James had given her a special note with plans for the evening. He had prepared a romantic dinner for her; Lily couldn't wait.
Just as Lily was finished opening her presents from her family, an owl soured into the room and dropped a letter in Lily's lap. It was from Severus.
Dear lily,
I just wanted you to know how much you have meant to me as a friend over the years. Thank you for everything. If you ever really need anything, I am here for you. My first loyalty is to you and my friends.
Love,
Severus
***
The dinner had gone perfectly that night, and Lily was exhilarated. They were walking around the lake, hand in hand, in silence, just enjoying the night. Suddenly, James stopped and Lily, surprised, went a pace farther than him before realizing it. She turned around to face him.
"Anything wrong?" she asked, slightly concerned.
James grinned a little nervous, half grin. "I think I need to tell you something," he said slowly.
Lily grinned back. "Um, ok..." she said waiting.
"I–I'veneverfeltthiswayaboutanygirlbefore..." he rushed out before pausing for breath," and...IthinkIloveyou."
Lily's eyes widened in surprise. "What was that again?" she asked teasingly.
James blushed a little. Lily had never seen him this nervous. "You heard me, Lily."
Lily grinned. She was surprised she was this calm. "James," she said slowly, "I think I love you too."
"You do!?" he asked, almost yelling.
"Yes," Lily said grinning even more.
James took a step closer to her. "Well, then," he said pulling her in and kissing her sweetly on the lips. Lily felt warmth go through her whole body, and never wanted it to end. When they pulled away after a moment, Lily smiled looking up into James' deep eyes through the lenses of his glasses.
She really was in love.
(A/N) I can't write romance. I'm sorry, y'all...it was pathetic I know...*sighs* 3 more chapters and then the saga's over! *sighs sadly*
(A/N) well ok so this is a pathetic chapter–*grin* erm I mean...enjoy Thanks to all of my reviewers and...(I don't write notes to all y'all because I'm afraid of missing someone...) But, I'll answer the questions I remember...Yes they are in 7th year, and this story was much more original when I started it 2 years ago. It's also an attempt at a non-AU Lily in Slytherin story–so that's why she changed houses.
Sorry if I missed any questions (it's 1 AM and I have work tomorrow...)
Lily thankfully did not meet anyone she knew on her wild flight from the hallway. The Gryffindor common room was empty since everyone had gone to dinner. When she got to her room, she was about to throw herself on her bed when she realized there was a box of chocolates and flowers on her bed. She sat next to them and opened the accompanying note.
Dear Lily,
It read,
I hope you're doing alright; you ran off right after the game, so I couldn't talk to you. Were you hurt by the bludger? It must have been a horrible experience playing against your former team members and your former friend, Snape. I'm sure the next game will be much better for you.
Anyways, I hope you're alright.
Yours,
James
Lily smiled slightly. How thoughtful of him, she thought. She sat down on her bed munching on a chocolate as the reality of the situation with Severus crashed down on her. He was a death eater, or at least that's what she thought they were called.
He didn't seem to want to be a death eater, though. They want to kill all muggles and probably mudbloods, too. Severus didn't seem to want to kill her...he seemed to still like her as always. That thought brought a strange kind of comfort to her.
It was nothing personal, she thought before adding bitterly, he's just a member of a psycho organization who believes in killing innocent people.
Hot tears again came to her eyes again. What was she going to do? She couldn't ask her Gryffindor friends for advice. If they even suspected the truth about Severus, they would turn him in for sure.
In a flash she knew what to do. She would write to Tara for advice. Tara loved Severus too, and would have ideas for how to help him. Grabbing a quill and parchment, she ran down to the common room and seated herself in a secluded corner. She couldn't stand being locked up in her stuffy room anymore at a time like this.
She began:
Dear Tara,
Disaster has struck once again in my life, and I don't know what to do. Severus is a death eater. It is obvious he doesn't want to be one anymore, but there doesn't seem to be any way out. He said we can't speak anymore; it'd only endanger me, so he claims. Help Tara!!!! What can I do? Write back as soon as possible...
Just then she heard James and Sirius talking behind her.
"Oi, here she is," Sirius said cheerfully. "Writing some secrets to Tara, no doubt..."
Lily quickly added,
Love,
Lily
to her note and then turned to face the boys.
"Oh yes," she said teasingly, trying to sound nonchalant and hoping that no one noticed that she had been crying. "I'm telling her juicy secrets about both of you, and of course lots about other people..."
"Let me see it the," James said smiling and trying to grab it.
"I was just kidding, James," Lily said, barely moving in time to stop him from getting the letter. "There's nothing that interesting in it, and besides, it's my letter to Tara–you have no right reading it." She tried to keep calm and act as if she didn't really care, but even she could hear the panic rise in her voice.
Sirius gave her a sideways glance, but said softly, "It's ok, Lily, I'm sure James wasn't really going to read it. We should probably go and let Lily finish her letter," he said turning to James, "besides I've got to go and meet Jes..."
James, however, wouldn't be put off that easily. "You go ahead; I want to talk to Lily."
"Ok," Sirius said slowly, casting a slightly worried glance back at the two before he left.
As Lily sat watching Sirius leave, James saw his chance and grabbed the letter quickly. Lily made a wild lunge at James and got the note back after a slight struggle. "How much of the letter had James read?" she thought desperately. She pulled out her wand to keep James at bay.
"How much did you see?" she asked worriedly.
"Enough," James said angrily with wide eyes. "I saw Severus and deatheater in the same sentence. Lily, what's going on?!"
Lily took a deep breath. At least he hadn't had time to read it, only glance at the words. "Um," Lily said, thinking quickly, "Sev's getting a lot of pressure to become a deatheater from...from some of his friends. Poor boy, I hope he'll be all right." Lily finished feeling proud of herself. She hadn't lied, just omitted certain details James didn't need to know.
"Oh," James said slowly. "I'm not going to ask you how you know this; I trust you not to believe rumors, especially not about Sniv...Snape. I mean you wouldn't believe one bad thing about him if his own mother told it to you. I think we should report this, though. Snape's a shady character no matter what you think, and..."
"No!" Lily almost shouted in panic. "Please, James, don't tell anyone, please! Not even Sirius! Sev's not a bad person...you have to believe me...I beg you, James...please?"
James stood there in silence for a moment before sighing in resignation. "Fine, Lily, but be careful ok? And..." he added, sounding somewhat cold, "you can tell Tara that we're even now..." He shook his head and turned to walk out of the room muttering, "Thing's I'll do for a woman..."
Lily took a deep breath after the door closed behind him. That had been way too close. She took out her letter and added:
P.S. James grabbed this letter from me and saw Severus and Deatheater in the same sentence before I could get it back. (For once I'm glad my cursive is hard to read.) I had to do some really fast talking, but now James believes he's just getting pressured from his friends to join. I made him promise not tell anyone, but he only agreed after I begged him. After promising, he said to write you and tell you that you two were even now. What exactly were the terms you set to him, by the way? Anyways, I'm not going to write anymore to you because I want to get this to you A.S.A.P. Please write back as soon as you can!
She sealed the letter very carefully, wrote "confidential," on the outside, and sent the letter off.
***
It was a week before Lily got Tara's reply. Parts of the lettering were smudged as if it had been written in a hurry.
Lily,
Aaah!!! When I got your note, I couldn't believe it! Poor Sevy...I can' believe he got mixed up with Voldemort! I...I don't really know what to tell you, Lily. I don't know what you can do...I don't know what to do myself. Just...keep a watch on him and make sure he doesn't do anything rash or disappear for forever without anyone noticing. Maybe he'll be able to find a way out soon. Ugg! I can't believe James did that! My term I set was that James had to someway make up to Sev what he did on the day of their O.W.L.S. This wasn't quite what I had in mind. I'm not sure if this fulfills it because he only found out the information he's keeping secret by stealing your personal letter. That's...annoying to say the least. Tell you what–why don't you tell him I'll think about it. Well–write back soon Lily–I'm sorry I'm not there to help you and Severus!
Love,
Tara
Lily sighed as she finished reading the letter. Some irrational hope inside her had said that Tara's letter would make everything better, but she knew that Tara couldn't really do anything.
***
Months passed and Lily followed Tara's advice and watched Severus from afar. Surprisingly, Lily didn't notice any strange behavior. Severus had even stopped glaring at or ignoring her. She thought she even caught him giving her half smiles every once in a while. Tara had been right; he must have realized how much he missed her and forgave her, even though they couldn't really be friends.
Over this time, Lily was insanely busy. She had almost double work to do to catch up from skipping a year and all of her Head Girl duties took up the rest of her time. When Quidditch practices started becoming very frequent, she knew she had to quit.
Talking to the coach about it was easy. He explained his sadness, but said he understood how busy she was and how hard it was for her to play against her former teammates. Explaining the situation to James, however, was not so simple.
"But, you can't quit the team," he protested before she could even finish her explanation.
Lily sighed. "But James...I have to! First of all, I don't have time to go to practices..."
"I could talk to the Headmaster about lessening your responsibilities as Head Girl," he jumped in.
"Secondly," she said, ignoring his interruption, "it is hard for me to play against my old team and house. I feel like a traitor."
James rolled his eyes. "But you're not, Lily! They're the ones who betrayed you!"
"It doesn't matter!" she said, exasperated. "It's how I feel and that's that. There's nothing you can say or do to make me chance my mind, so you might as well give it up, ok?"
Her face softened at seeing his hurt expression. "Please, James, this is hard for me, but I think it's the right thing to do. Please...just trust me ok?"
"Ok, Lily," James said softly. "I'm sorry I was so...difficult,"
Lily smiled. "It's ok," she said giving him a hug. "Thanks for caring about me."
"Um," he said slowly, sounding embarrassed, "speaking of caring..."
"Yea?" Lily asked slowly.
James laughed nervously. "I was wondering if you would go with me to the next Hogsmeade weekend?"
Lily almost gasped in surprise but recovered with a little smile. "I'd love to James," she said pulling back from the hug. "James Potter is asking me out...wow..." she thought to herself.
***
Through the following months, James and Lily started dating a lot more often. She could hardly believe that she was being known as James' girlfriend throughout the school. The only time she minded this was when Severus would give her sad looks. She wished she could go talk to him and explain everything.
The best part of it was how great James was. They could talk about anything, well almost anything. He was so thoughtful now that he had grown up. He would take her on walks with him around the lake, leave little presents for her, and just be a good friend.
Over Christmas break, the whole Gryffindor gang decided to stay at Hogwarts. Lily had had an impossibly hard time coming up with presents for her friends that year. She looked in store after store and finally decided to give them all a personal note and a book of pictures of them together. She sent them to the four Gryffindors, Tara, and even Severus, even though she was a bit apprehensive about that.
Tara sent her some french chocolates and a very chic outfit, the latest fashion so Tara said. The marauders, as usual, gave her a box of treats. Peter this time, however, included a shirt that said "Die Slytherin!" and a little note about how she had finally seen the light. Lily wondered if she had ever truly liked him.
James had given her a special note with plans for the evening. He had prepared a romantic dinner for her; Lily couldn't wait.
Just as Lily was finished opening her presents from her family, an owl soured into the room and dropped a letter in Lily's lap. It was from Severus.
Dear lily,
I just wanted you to know how much you have meant to me as a friend over the years. Thank you for everything. If you ever really need anything, I am here for you. My first loyalty is to you and my friends.
Love,
Severus
***
The dinner had gone perfectly that night, and Lily was exhilarated. They were walking around the lake, hand in hand, in silence, just enjoying the night. Suddenly, James stopped and Lily, surprised, went a pace farther than him before realizing it. She turned around to face him.
"Anything wrong?" she asked, slightly concerned.
James grinned a little nervous, half grin. "I think I need to tell you something," he said slowly.
Lily grinned back. "Um, ok..." she said waiting.
"I–I'veneverfeltthiswayaboutanygirlbefore..." he rushed out before pausing for breath," and...IthinkIloveyou."
Lily's eyes widened in surprise. "What was that again?" she asked teasingly.
James blushed a little. Lily had never seen him this nervous. "You heard me, Lily."
Lily grinned. She was surprised she was this calm. "James," she said slowly, "I think I love you too."
"You do!?" he asked, almost yelling.
"Yes," Lily said grinning even more.
James took a step closer to her. "Well, then," he said pulling her in and kissing her sweetly on the lips. Lily felt warmth go through her whole body, and never wanted it to end. When they pulled away after a moment, Lily smiled looking up into James' deep eyes through the lenses of his glasses.
She really was in love.
(A/N) I can't write romance. I'm sorry, y'all...it was pathetic I know...*sighs* 3 more chapters and then the saga's over! *sighs sadly*