Authors note: So this is the second last chapter, it's a tad longish but I want to wrap this up, I once wondered how people got to ten chapters, ha well now I know.

Thanks to my reviewers and an extra special nod to mpenguin15, she gave me some advice to kick-start inspiration and it helped a lot! Once I did what she advised I was motivated enough to corner my muse and force her to play, so here we go...

Disclaimer: I don't own it, the 'The Crest' is a real place that can hold a thousand but I had to take liberties with the banquette hall as they had no pics.

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The C.B.I was abuzz with excitement over the night ahead. They may be hardened police officers, dealers in death, fighters for justice, but they, like everyone else in this world loved the opportunity to dress up and more importantly, consume copious amounts of free alcohol.

Jane was in no mood for frivolity. His lovely date had spent all morning keeping him fully informed of every little facet of her day. She had taken her vow to spend more time together to heart and that meant by text or call when she couldn't be actually present.

He was genuinely waiting for a text that told him, in great detail about her bowel movements. He was being petty, he knew it, but he hadn't realised that he would have to see Lisbon do the same with her boyfriend, partner, whatever she deemed to call him these days. He should have stayed at home.

At least Grace and Rigsby were subdued, no doubt in memories of their dalliance at one of these things a few years back. Good God why did they make their employees go through with this form of torture, parading them around like prized cattle.

He wondered, next year would they be branded with their criminal statistics, brought up to big wigs, here is Kimball Cho, a great agent 65 arrests, 12 kills this year ,don't you feel safe sir, yes sir, donate sir, sickening.

He needed to move his mind away from his negative thoughts, though the other direction it wanted to go in was not much better, his mind kept focusing on what Lisbon had worn the last time. He foolishly added the tiara to his mental image and he entered the very dangerous territory of that night.

Sure at the time he had remained oblivious to his actions and reactions; though he had commented on how nice she looked. However, he had not acknowledged the urge he had felt, on his first sight of her, nor that his performance on stage was just for her.

He had seen those two boys, looking at her, while they chatted about money. Their eyes ravishing her in ways he couldn't. He had needed to touch her openly that night, publicly mark her as his, yet never cross their carefully defined line.

He had played the clown to her, but they got it, a message he hadn't realised he was sending, oh he had shown them, placing a tiara on her head, adorning her with the jewels that she deserved, ones he would have bought for her, if she was his.

He stated loudly to them and to her 'beautiful', but it tore him up inside, that he was not allowed to say it to her, eye to eye, not then, not now. Because it rang too true, it broke down boundaries, it declared forbidden feelings, ones that he denied having then and was still trying to deny it now.

He had been baiting the brothers with his antics, but because she didn't react, so used to his touch, it told them all they needed to know, she was clearly his. Okay Lisbon probably was just letting him do it as it was easier than trying to stop him, but maybe, just slightly, she liked his hands lightly brushing through her hair, his finger tips lightly trailing her bare shoulders. Oh how he wished she did.

He despised those smarmy bastards, his mind recalling how they pushed their luck, he could read their thoughts. If for a second they tried to bring to reality, the dirty, depraved fantasies in their minds, involving his princess, well he would like to think he would have shoved her against the wall, dripping in their precious diamonds, that couldn't compare to her beauty and made her scream his name.

Actually given even a small reprieve from his guilt at that time, he probably would have done it anyway, but he had not known, instead he had locked down on any semblance of lust he had at the time, remaining blissfully ignorant.

Had he been able to decipher his masculine behaviour, he might have been privy to the fact he was marking his territory and had very strong impulses to do certain things to his boss. Hindsight is a dangerous thing, Jane thought shifting on the couch, trying to relieve his hopefully not apparent discomfort. The end of shift could not arrive quickly enough; he would be taking a cold shower first chance he got.

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The gala was being held at The Crest Theatre, a lovely venue, no doubt Wainwrights choice, Jane mused. The 1912 building, renovated to the style of its 40's heyday, it screamed old school glamour.

Alicia was babbling about the Art Deco, gold leaf style and who did what, where. Jane was tuning her out making the odd noise of agreement to avoid talking himself.

Alicia removed her coat, revealing a long navy dress that was very form fitting, she was clearly aiming to impress. Jane had kept it simple, wearing a double breasted smoking jacket with satin trim and a matching satin bow tie.

Well maybe not that simple he thought as a hundred clones marched by in their penguin suits, the wave of black broken only by the colourful choice of the woman's dresses.

They gave in their coats and made their way to the amphitheatre where Bertram would be doing his usual spiel of showing photos, naming cases, stating statistics, bleeding the donors dry like a good bureaucratical vampire.

The room was already half full, Jane scanned for any sign of his team, choosing to ignore that his eyes were lingering on every dark brunette he saw as he searched.

"Perhaps we should sit, Patrick, we'll see everyone in the banquette area" Alicia pressed, all too aware that they were blocking the walk way.

"Yes fine" Jane sat heavily, continuing to search the room. The room filled up quickly and Bertram took the stage. The infuriating man pontificated for forty five minutes rehashing all of the C.B.I's big cases, if his ploy was to have patrons pay to shut him up then he was going about it the right way.

Jane fidgeted, the seats were plush but he wanted to mingle, find his team get a drink, meet Dylan...

Alicia kept sending him death glares, mortified by his childish behaviour. The man next to him was on a similar page to Alicia and sighed every time he poked his head around.

Finally Bertram wrapped up his narrative, Jane practically jumped out of his seat to enter the banquette hall on the next floor.

He glanced around him, frantically looking but not finding them... her. Alicia rushed to catch up with him. Despite dashing, he was not the first to enter the room and there she was, a vision in silver silk, propping up the bar. He couldn't see her not fully, but he knew, how she stood, her delicate hand, the way his skin tingled in her presence.

He strode to the bar ordering two drinks, still too far away to see her clearly but he didn't want to seem too eager. Alicia scuttled up beside him, trying to regain her balance in her ridiculous heels. Alicia thanked him for the drink and they moved towards the group.

He could see more of Lisbon now, her upper body was covered in silver see through lace, swirling its pattern over her shoulders and arms. The opaque material met shimmering steel in a deep V shape at her back.

Simple keyhole buttons ran from the low depths of her back to the nape of her neck. Jane longed to run his hand the same trail they ran.

Cho and Summer spotted them as the walked over to them; Cho had bucked the bow tie trend and gone for a red tie to complement Summer's dress. They nodded a greeting. All Jane could see was Lisbon and her dates back; Dylan was tall, with chestnut hair, broader than he would have thought for a lawyer. Lisbon and Dylan finally turned made aware of new arrivals by Summers' warm greeting.

"Hello, you must be Dylan, I'm Patrick Jane and this is Alicia Mallory. It's so good to finally meet you." Jane introduced himself as he shook the other mans hand.

"You look lovely Lisbon, as do you Summer, very fetching." Jane added.

"Anyone seen Rigsby or Van Pelt?" Lisbon inquired.

"Think Rigsby isn't coming, Sarah's a little under the weather and he didn't want to leave her. Haven't Seen Van Pelt." Cho answered.

"How did you guys get in here so fast?" Jane wondered out loud.

"You're kidding right? We deliberately got here late and skipped straight through to here so we wouldn't have to listen to Bertram, rookie mistake Jane." Lisbon shook her head in amusement.

"How was it?" Summer asked.

"Informative, very, very, very informative" Alicia joked.

"Oh Jane, your one man fan club is trying to get you attention." Lisbon jested, pointing to where Wainwright was subtly calling him over.

"Are you sure he isn't asking for you, he likes you a lot" Jane pointed out desperately.

"But he loves you... you could take his favourite toy, snap it in half and he'd say you improved it" Lisbon laughed.

"Fine, I'll be sure to send Bertram over to you on my way there, tell him how much you loved his speech and you'd like to discuss it further." Jane smirked

"You wouldn't dare..." Lisbon glared.

"Who knows what I'll do my dear." Jane called over his shoulder as he started to walk over to the young man.

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It had been several hours of torture as Jane was paraded around to various beneficiaries, Alicia had been irritatingly happy to go with him and continue sucking up, not only did she know half the people attending but had convinced several people to attend her next show too.

The band had luckily taken over the stage about a half an hour ago, effectively preventing anymore deep discussions. He thanked every deity he could think of. He and Alicia had been spinning around the room to the music for a while when Jane spotted a lone Lisbon at the bar well Dave was there but that hardly meant good company.

"How are your feet honey, are they sore from those high heels, it must be difficult to stand in them so long, rubbing back and forth, back and forth over your sensitive feet?" Jane looked Alicia in the eye as he spoke.

"Now that you mention it, they are painful" She agreed.

"Why don't you go sit with Cho and Summer, I'll get you a drink." Jane suggested.

"Thanks, it would be nice to rest up and I like Summer she is so fun" Alicia hobbled off towards the group.

Jane strode over to where Lisbon was now chatting with Dave, did that guy never get the hint and where was Dylan.

"Hello my dear, all alone? Where is your charming date?" Jane threw Dave a look as he was about to point out his presence, taking the hint he slunk off.

"That was unnecessary Jane" Lisbon frowned.

"Well any decent gentleman on seeing a lady such as yourself without a partner, would not corner you at the bar but instead ask you to dance." Jane held out his hand in invitation.

Lisbon glanced at the crowd and back to Jane. "What about Alicia?"

"Her feet are sore" Jane rolled his eyes, "five inch heels will do that to you."

"Why don't you sit with her?" Lisbon asked.

"Why don't you stop pretending you don't want to dance?" Jane retorted.

Lisbon furrowed her brow, "I never said I wanted to dance."

"Yes but with you my dear, if you don't you say no, it's as good as a yes, sooo... let's go shall we?" Jane gestured insistently with his hand.

They walked on to the floor, taking their positions, Jane placed one hand between her shoulder blades, while his other grasped her smaller one in his. Lisbon placed her hand at his back, resting just above his trouser.

Every time he moved closer she moved away, he tutted and deliberately stepped into her space eyeballing her as a warning. Lisbon admitted defeat and relaxed into the movement.

"Having a good night?" Jane asked as he began to sway her.

"So far. You?"

"Not really, I hate these things really; it's all so fake..." Jane looked around with his eyes at the social climbers, fawning over cops they couldn't care less about.

"I'm surprised you came." Lisbon said.

"You told me to." Jane stated.

"You never do what I ask." Lisbon laughed.

"I'd do everything you ask, if you asked the right way." Jane teased.

"What way is that then" Lisbon softly wondered.

Jane licked his lips nervously, feeling the tension rise between them; he could tell she might bolt; he couldn't let her leave his arms.

"Where is Dylan now?" knowing that asking about her 'friend' would douse the mood.

"He got called to work again" Lisbon shrugged, "Story of his life."

"And not yours?" Jane mocked as he spun her further onto the floor.

"Not anymore", Lisbon responded honestly.

Jane pulled her nearer, his hand trailing down her back across the soft lace. He looked into her eyes, rimmed with black and silver, making her green eyes sparkle. The tendrils of her hair framed her face, he normally preferred her hair down but it worked, the lace, the bun, the dark makeup, she aimed to please and it pleased him greatly.

"Why is that?" Jane breathed the words softly.

"I don't know." Lisbon avoided his gaze for a second.

"Liar." He challenged his voice a low growl.

Only a sliver of light trickled between them, as they spun circular patterns around the floor. Jane had taken off his jacket earlier, he now regretted his decision. Lisbon's small hand was like fire at his back, almost blistering his skin.

Their joined hands were gripping each other tightly, as if they could squeeze their passion out of their bodies through their hands. Jane pressed his body fully against her. Lisbon gripped his shirt in response to the contact, bunching it in to a ball in her fist.

Jane could feel her, all of her, the thin material of her dress failing to hide the contours of her body. He was aware of the very essence of her, her touch, her smell, her body against him and around him, her potency like a blinding haze of desire. She too knew all of him, learning each other while joined together in this strange embrace.

Lisbon kept clawing more and more of his shirt as he kept pressing tighter, he had images of her doing the same to the sheets of his bed while he crushed her to his mattress.

His fingers had trailed down to the lowest point of the lace on her dress, just above the curve of her delectable derriere. Jane slid his index finger through the small gap of her where her button looped and onto her smooth creamy skin.

Jane stroked her skin through the chink in her lace armour. Lisbon arched up in shock at the contact, staring in astonishment at Jane as he traced a light pattern on her skin. Her lips parted in a silent oh, Jane lowered his face towards hers and sea green eyes met jade.

The heat was almost unbearable, their hands had gone white from the vice like grip they had on each other, Jane could feel her fingernails through his shirt, he was so near to feeling her lips on his. Lightning was shooting up and down his body from his memories of the motel, all his desire, lust, love, it was here, present and he wanted it experience all with her.

A waiter dropped a tray, the crash of glass jolting them both out of the moment. Lisbon looked panicked

"Jane no, I... I need the restroom." She blurted her excuse, rushing towards the hallway.

Damn it, damn it, damn it Jane cursed, he needed air, now. He made his way out of the main room past the bathroom to one of the small balconies. He stepped outside; there was much ambient noise as city life swirled around them, loud but not enough to dull the thoughts in his mind.

He could see some of the neon light from the grandiose sign out front. He breathed in the humid air only slightly colder than the heat of the room. His heart was beating fast. What was he doing? He was meant to be with someone else and ignoring these feelings.

Well he was a moron to believe that he was above being fooled himself, by himself. Rochefoucauld had it right, the intellect is always fooled by the heart and the heart wants what the heart wants.

Well he guessed his heart obviously wanted to protect itself as there was no other reason for his poor choices over the past 8 months. He had been so earth shatteringly broken before by love that he figured his heart thought he couldn't take it again so it had conspired with his head to mislead him.

He had been lied to, blinded and mistaken and he was the only one to blame.

Swans mate for life and he knew he was the same, he had thought watching them earlier in the day, gliding across the pond in the park near headquarters. He had watched as a male and female slid together in unison, forming the outline of one heart, two pieces that while routine alone meant so much more coupled together.

He had had that once, his neck had already been intertwined, he had already formed his complete picture, so when his other half died all he was left with was half a heart, one that beat but did little else.

Sure he had surmised after Red Johns capture and subsequent death at the hands of another grieving husband, that he could in fact date and perhaps even love again, but felt he may never reach the true love he had achieved before, the two hearts, one heartbeat, soul melting kind of love that he had with his wife.

Yeah that's what he thought and for a change he was wrong. Granted it was his betraying heart, which had hidden the truth. It had kept him in the dark, his real feelings just out of view, hidden in the shadows.

Not that he could blame his heart, no it had suffered too much loss, broken into such tiny fragments that the naked eye could not hope to see them. Like most victims of a traumatic event and his were catastrophically horrendous, he had buried his ability to love. Buried it in a box deep, deep inside himself and marked it do not open.

This wasn't a conscious choice; no he figured after his mental breakdown, his body had set itself into self preservation mode. So here he was, the wrong beautiful woman on his arm, and a dead weight in his heart. He had really messed up and for the first time in Patrick Jane's life he had no idea how to fix it.

Jane dragged his hand through his hair, wishing he had the foresight to stay at home. He started at the unexpected presence of a person next to him.

.

"I can see it you know, actually after that dance; I don't think anyone has any doubt." Alicia spoke joining him at the railing.

"See what?" Jane asked as they both stared out over the city, avoiding looking at each other.

"Please Patrick... see how much you desire her, all the jealousy, the yearning, she captivates you and you love her." Alicia simply said, resigned to the truth.

"I'm sorry, I truly didn't know before a few weeks ago and even then I was unsure." Jane explained.

"You broke up with me I made you try again, I felt you pull away the last few months." Alicia's voice broke on her words.

"I guess I realised in my head it was wrong but my heart fought me on it."

"I never had your heart Patrick, I could tell that but I thought the perhaps maybe, eventually... that onetime it would be my turn. Someone would look at me the way you look at Teresa." Her voice was filled with quiet sadness.

"They will you're a good person, underneath it all." Jane lightly touched her arm.

"I could never connect with your friends, so I suppose there was a part of you I'd never reach, not how she does." Alicia sniffled.

"It wasn't that, it's just she sees the darkness in me and makes it light. She chases away my demons and... I trust her, she knows me. Alicia, I know I've been a bastard but can I give you some advice?" Jane met her eye, wanting her to finally find happiness.

"Sure why not."

"You never let yourself go; you were always trying to be perfect. You never showed me the true you." Jane pointed out.

"That's not true Patrick" Alicia argued.

"Really wearing makeup to bed eight months in, sleeping in those ridiculous teddy's..."

"I was trying to be sexy." Alicia disputed.

"Sexy comes with trust, letting me see your flaws and thoughts good and bad. Opening yourself to someone can be the most beautiful thing about a woman. You are an attractive woman just let the next guy in, you have a great heart, you just hide it." Jane finished.

"Well that was the nicest it's not me, it's you, I've ever heard. I'll clear my stuff out tonight, good bye Patrick" Alicia leaned in kissing him on his cheek.

He could feel the wetness of her tears and his heart clenched. He really was a bastard but they both deserved better.

She had only been gone a minute, when his solitude was broken again.

"I just saw Alicia... she was crying is everything okay?" Lisbon asked.

"We broke up." Jane slumped against the railing, focusing on the moving lights below.

"Why... because we danced" Lisbon was afraid the Alicia may have seen whatever that was.

"In a way yes." Jane answered simply.

"It was only a dance, nothing really, she misunderstood you can explain it to her..." Lisbon hated that she had caused them problems.

"Only a dance... nothing, you and I will never be nothing." Jane responded fiercely. His hands gripped the bar.

"I didn't mean it that way, I'm sorry." Lisbon was shocked by his reaction.

"Are you sorry for what happened earlier?" He asked, his voice too calm for her liking.

"Jane that was... we are... it's complicated. Dylan and I are together. I should go." She stepped away from him.

"I don't know who you are running from me or you" Jane turned around to face her, a tenuous hold on his emotions.

"Excuse me. I'm not running from anyone." Lisbon argued.

"There is something between us, you know it." Jane reasoned with her.

"Yes of course, we are friends, close friends."

Jane snorted "It's more than that... you know it."

Lisbon was exasperated, "All I know is that you just broke up with your girlfriend and you need to take some time."

Jane was getting annoyed with her doubts, "I want to be with you."

"Jane you are so afraid of what life could be all by yourself that you are just taking any form of love that you can, with Alicia gone you're afraid to be alone."

"I love you." He tried to get her to see the truth of his words.

"No you don't" she stubbornly said, she looked like she was stopping just short of stomping her foot.

"Don't tell me how I feel, I know, I know for sure." Jane's voice rose to a yell.

"Actions speak louder than words Jane and your actions showed you barely cared for me as a friend let alone more." Lisbon hissed.

"I'm sorry Lisbon, I was wrong, I was just so confused." Jane tried to regain his calm.

"Who's to say you're not confused now." Lisbon threw back at him.

"I am sure. Lisbon... I swear." Jane begged.

Lisbon screwed up her face in anger, "As you say you've been wrong before."

"That's low."

"No Jane what's low is drafting me in as a second string, eleventh hour replacement" Lisbon shot back at him, venting her frustration.

Jane could see he was loosing her, he needed her to hear him, "That's not what I'm doing I swear, if you just listen..." he reached out to her, desperate for contact.

"I listened for months as you sung that woman's praises, now she has left you and you are scared." Lisbon pulled away, nearing the door back to the gala. She breathed in deeply, "Jane I have a good man and a great life, us together, was bad news we were so insular, its better this way."

"So that it I tell you I love you and you dismiss it? How can I convince you?" Jane pleaded.

"You can't Jane; go home, you just broke up with your girlfriend. I'll understand if you need some time off work." Lisbon turned and left as quickly as she arrived.

Oh he had messed that up. He knew she loved him, as much as he loved her, hell the whole CBI knew after that little display earlier. Van Pelt was right he had hurt her deeper than he had realised, sure she was being his friend but obviously she wanted no more. He hoped he hadn't lost her for good.