Johnny pulled his Rover onto Roy's street, noticing the number of cars already around Roy's house. "Cap's wife's car, Marco's car and there's Chet's van, oh Mike's truck. I guess everyone's here." he muttered. He pulled the sleeves of his shirt down over his forearms, then turned back the cuffs slightly, hoping it would hide the bandages over his elbows and upper left arm. He knew his pants hid the other damage he'd sustained from being caught in the fight and most of the bruising wouldn't be really visible until tomorrow. He sighed, not really wanting to be here but knew there was no way he could continue to pretend everything was normal if he didn't show up. Slowly, carefully, he pulled himself from his car and began walking toward the backyard. As he got closer, he could hear the sounds of laughter and children squealing and smell food grilling. For once his stomach growled, letting him know it had been hours since he'd last eaten.

Johnny crossed the backyard, unseen by anyone, and stepped up on the deck. He moved out of the way of a young girl he didn't recognize that had her hands filled with an empty platter. When she stopped in front of the sliding door, uncertain of how to juggle her burden and open the door, he solved her problem. He slid the door open and grinned down at her. She looked up at him but instead of returning his smile, she stared at him, her eyes darting around his face, then down his thin frame and back up to stare into his brown eyes. A little surprised by her actions, he pulled slightly away.

"Oh good, Amy. Bring that on in here and set it up on the stove." JoAnne's voice increased in volume as she approached the door. The girl hurried through and Jo came out, followed by another woman. Jo glanced to the side and smiled up at Johnny. "Johnny! You did make it! Roy said you might not be able to come after you worked today. Oh, this is Tammy Kent." She nodded to the woman behind her, then took the plate from the woman's hand as she continued, "Tammy this is John Gage, your husband's other partner. I'll take this on over to the table so you can say hi." Without another moment, she left, leaving an awkward silence behind her.

Johnny watched her leave, unaccustomed to the feeling of discomfort he was experiencing at this house where he'd always felt at ease before.

"So, you're Gage." Tammy stated and Johnny turned back to her with a pasted on smile. He extended his hand, "Yes, I'm Johnny." She took his hand in both of hers and clutched it tightly, her manicured and painted nails digging slightly into his flesh. He noticed she wore heavy make-up. She might actually be pretty under all that paint, he mused. She had a medium build, about 6 inches shorter then him, with hazel eyes, a pert nose, pleasantly shaped mouth and brown hair cut short and styled close to her head in waves. "I heard you are an Indian." She watched him so closely Johnny squirmed.

"Uh, yeah. Been one all my life." He muttered as he tugged gently at his still trapped hand. She didn't seem to catch his comment as she continued. "How long have you been a fireman?"

"About eight years." He answered, still trying to get his now hurting hand released.

"Eight years. That's fantastic! You've held on to being a fireman for eight years. And now you're trying to better yourself even more by becoming a paramedic!" She smiled broadly at him. "I must compliment you on your efforts. I think it's a wonderful idea that the Fire Department has allowed minorities to join it. Oh, I've heard the negative comments but I think, really, people like your people and that other fellow, um, Lopez, can only benefit with a good steady job like working as firemen. I think that teaching them to be productive members of our society is a wonderful thing. Blacks, Mexicans, Indians, Chinese I think they all should get the chance to better themselves. Now, where do you live?"

Stunned by her cascading words and the numb feeling from his hand, it took Johnny a while to realize she was expecting an answer. "Pardon?"

"Where do you live?" she repeated.

"Uhmmm, I . . .live just outside of Whittier, why?" He'd finally been able to retrieve his hand and now rubbed it carefully.

She frowned and tilted her head, "Oh, I didn't know there was a reservation that close to LA." Then she shrugged, "No matter. I have some clothes and toys and things the kids have outgrown. In fact, some are still brand new. Amy is picky about what she'll wear to school so I buy several different tops and let her choose at home. I'll have Marc bring them to you and you can take them home with you. I'm sure . . ."

Johnny felt his blood pressure raise as the woman continued on in the same manner. Suddenly something cold hit his arm, jerking him out of his self-imposed stupor. "Here Johnny, you looked thirsty." His hand automatically took the offered beer as he looked up with a grateful smile at Becky Stoker. He drank deep, missing the frown set to him by Tammy.

In a hushed voice she turned to Becky, "Do you think that was a good idea giving him alcohol?" Becky kept the smile on her face as she answered, "Oh Yes. I think it was an excellent idea. Oh, by the way, Maggie Stanley wanted to go over the list of ingredients in that pie you asked about. You did say that Amy has some problems with wheat, right?"

Rattling on about the sensitive digestion of her angel, Tammy headed off. Johnny lifted the now half empty bottle toward Becky and gave a faint grin, "Thanks Becky."

Becky's smile became genuine as her blue eyes twinkled at him. "No problem, Johnny. You really looked like you needed to be rescued." She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and he met her gaze. "Johnny? Are you sure you're alright?"

He smiled widely even though the expression never reached his eyes. "I'm fine. I've heard worse."

She shook her head, "Not just about Tammy. I want to know how you really are."

His gaze dropped to the bottle he now twisted in his hands. "I'm here, aren't I?"

She sighed, "Johnny . . ." He stood abruptly, cutting her off by saying, "There's Cap. I'd better let him know I made it here." He hurried off as she sighed again. A warm hand dropped on her neck as she heard her husband's voice ask, "Becky?"

She turned to him, her expression sad, "Oh Mike. I hate to see him so sad. And then that . . .that horrid woman! The things she was telling him!" At his confused expression, Becky filled him in on what had happened, unaware Jo had stopped just inside the entryway and heard every word.

Johnny joined Cap where he stood next to the grill. "Hey Cap." Hank looked up at the soft greeting from his youngest shiftmember and grinned. "John! You made it, pal. You look hungry, how 'bout a burger?" Before he could refuse, his captain snatched a bun, placed a fat patty into it, and shoved it at his paramedic. Johnny's stomach growled again and he gave his boss a sheepish grin. Cap laughed and slapped a hand on his youngest crewmember's back, "Eat, pal. There's plenty around even for your appetite." He watched from the corner of his eye as Johnny slowly ate the burger. Internally he sighed. Normally Gage would've wolfed that down in three bites. Well at least he is eating.. Just as Johnny finished and he was about to offer another, Maggie's heavily accented voice called her husband, "Henry, could I be seein ya a moment in here?" Cap shrugged and gave his younger paramedic a chagrined look as he handed the spatula to Johnny, "The lilting sound of my master's call. Could you take over here?"

"Sure Cap." Johnny took the offered utensil and stepped in front of the grill, flipping several smoking burgers off the heat while moving others not quite so done more over the fire. Roy's voice startled him and he jumped. "You need to move those hotdogs off there. They're done and no one likes overdone hotdogs."

Johnny nodded but kept his gaze on the food before him. He could feel his partner standing right behind his left shoulder, watching every move he made. Nervously, he moved another burger. Again Roy's voice made him jump. "No, not that one. That one needs to cook more. You need to get the two behind it."

"Sure Roy." Johnny commented quietly as he did as suggested.

"Now, here. Get those dogs off there and put these on." A plate of raw dogs was shoved in his face. Without letting his eyes leave the grill, Johnny took the plate and began placing the dogs on the grill.

"Make sure you put them across the grill or they'll fall through."

"Ok, Roy." He murmured again as he removed the cooked meat over to the warmer on the side.

"Better hit that chicken with more sauce and turn it again or it will dry out."

Johnny merely nodded as he did as requested. Grease splattered from some of the burgers and flames shot up past the grill. "Watch it, Gage! Don't let those flames get too high; there are kids all around here." Roy's voice hissed at him. Johnny mutely nodded wishing he were anywhere but where he was. A pain was beginning in his sore back from the rigid way he was holding himself and the headache he'd had after his head had made contact with a lamp pole during the fight was back full-force.

"Gage, watch the . . ."

"Roy DeSoto! Leave the poor man alone!" Jo's close voice caused both to jump. Roy spun around to face his wife, while Johnny merely risked a peck over his shoulder. Jo smiled at them both, hands on her hips as she chided, "It's not like Johnny has never grilled here before. I think he knows how to do it."

Roy scowled at his partner, "Without burning himself? Or someone else? There are kids running all over the place, Jo."

Jo's smile changed into a puzzled frown as she looked around. "What are you talking about, Roy? There's not a child within ten feet of us."

The burger in Johnny's stomach now felt like lead and he wanted nothing more than to get away. He laid the spatula on the rack by the warmer and murmured. "You're here now. You can take over." That said, he maneuvered his lean body around them and retreated to the far corner of the deck.

"Johnny?" Jo began but he didn't acknowledge or even look her way as he passed. Her frown deepened as she looked back at her husband. "What was that all about?" She demanded.

Roy smiled brightly at her as he picked up the spatula and poked at the burgers, "What was what?"

Jo waved her hand toward the grill, "That! The . . . the lesson in 'Grilling 101' and I do mean grilling?" She glanced over to where Johnny had isolated himself, and continued in a quieter voice, "And what's wrong with Johnny?"

Roy shrugged as he kept his attention on the meat before him, "Nothing's wrong with him. I told you he worked the parade this morning; he's probably just tired."

Jo looked unsure, "He does look tired. And you did say he's been working a lot of extra hours lately. I sure hope he's not overdoing it."

Roy shrugged nonchalantly, "I'm sure he's fine." Jo hesitated. Something wasn't right, both with Johnny's actions and her husband's but before she could think further on those lines, Tammy hurried over and grabbed her arm. "There you are, Jo! I just have to tell you about the sale going on at Barney's. How about we hit it tomorrow? The guys are off so they can watch the kids." She drug the woman off, chattering about the shoes she'd seen in the ad, totally oblivious to Jo rolling her eyes in exasperation.

Johnny stood in his self-isolated corner, nursing the remainder of the beer Becky had given him. From his position, he could see Chris playing with Matt Stoker and another Marc called out, "Terry!" and the blonde child left Chris and obediently trotted over with a, "Yeah Dad?" he had his answer on the boy's identity. John watched Marc finish whatever he had to tell the boy, ruffle his hair in a fatherly gesture before the boy raced off to rejoin his friends. Johnny watched the three boys play, noting how Chris looked at him once, then pointedly turned away without returning his smile. Laughter caught his ear and he turned to see Tammy helping Jo place out yet more food before both women returned to the kitchen, still chatting. As he turned his head a little more, he could see Roy standing with Marc, Marco and Chet, all deeply involved in listening to some tale Chet was telling. It dawned on him that each DeSoto was paired with a Kent; each acting as if they were meant to be paired off that way. He hadn't seen Jenny yet, but supposed the girl he'd seen earlier, Amy, was off with her somewhere. He sighed heavily and looked down at his hands as he realized he was once more odd man out. Everyone is having a good time, I guess. They all belong here, together. I guess I never did. A bitter thought came to him as he recognized the tale Chet told was one of the pranks he'd pulled on his pigeon. I guess the only thing I really am is comic relief from the stress. He glanced at his watch, wondering if he left now, would anyone notice? With his head still down, he turned his eyes and watched his partner who was leaning close to Marc, listening closely to every word the other man was saying. Suddenly it was hard to breathe as a tightness filled his chest and his vision blurred. He closed his eyes, forcing his feelings back down and away once more.

Roy laughed and slapped Marc on the back as he concluded the tale. Marc grinned up at him. "And that's why Roy and I make such a great team, right buddy"

Roy laughed again, "Whatever you say, Jun . . ." The word caught in his throat as movement from the corner of the deck caught his eye. At the sound of the start of that oh so achingly familiar word, Johnny's head had come up. Now Roy found his eyes looking straight into a pair of deep brown ones. Time seemed to have suspended itself around the two men as they stared at each other for what felt like hours but could've only been heartbeats. Then Johnny dropped his head again, breaking that contact.

Roy took a physical step back, in his irrational anger he wanted to say the nickname again, wanted to use it for Marc but his throat refused to allow it to pass up to his lips. It had meant too much; with a burst of anger, he realized it still did. It was too much a part of the other man; Roy couldn't say it to another. Oh sure he'd managed to say it once before, in the hospital. Somehow it had been easier then, but for some reason after looking at Johnny that way, he couldn't. In that instant some gut instinct knew to do so would be too cruel and he found he just couldn't do that. He paused as he reviewed this decision and the chance encounter. Something about his eyes—Johnny's eyes. He tried to pin down the niggling thought. Almost against his conscious will, he found himself over at the table filling up a plate. Once that was done, he walked over to where the dark haired medic stood and lightly tapped his arm. Johnny turned and faced him.

As he did, it suddenly hit Roy what it was that he'd seen in those dark eyes.

He'd seen nothing.

No sparkle, no light, no emotion of any kind. Oh they were physically fine, round pupil, white sclera, but other than that they were as empty as a patient too long with no pulse, no respiration. Roy's mouth felt dry and he swallowed before he spoke. "I . . .uh. . .haven't seen you eat. You know you have to eat."

Johnny looked down at his partner's extended hands. Slowly his own hand came up and he took the plate. Roy found himself beginning to lecture as Johnny slowly raised a chicken leg to his mouth and bit. "You know better that that. You get too few meals as it is when we are on duty, you can't skip meals when you're off as well. You do and you'll end up face down during a rescue. The citizens of LA County deserve our best and you can't give them that if you don't have it to give."

He watched as Johnny chewed and swallowed, not once did he again make eye contact with Roy. Roy tapped Johnny's arm with the spoon he held. Johnny took the offered utensil and spooned some baked beans into his mouth. In the back of his mind, Roy found himself frowning. These were Jo's special baked beans. Johnny loved Jo's beans and always raved about how good they were. Now he was swallowing them like they were something found on a food tray at Rampart.

Raised voices from the backyard pulled his attention away and Roy called out, "Chris. That's enough. Why don't you boys put the ball away for now, wash up and sit down awhile and have something to drink." Chris knew better than to argue with his father and did as told. Roy watched until his son sat at the picnic table with a drink before he turned back toward Johnny. Only Johnny was no longer there. The plate was left on the edge of the deck. One bite out of the chicken, a couple of spoonfuls of the beans eaten, one bite out of the deviled egg and nothing else touched.

Roy felt the now familiar anger flood him as he took the barely touched plate of food and threw it away. What does he think his doing . . .no that's just it, as usual he's not thinking at all! He shook his head as his teeth clinched. Here am I doing everything I can to help him, to teach him and. . . and he acts like this. Just walks away! He took several deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down. Well, I'll just have to be harder on him. One way or another, he must learn. It's really for his own good as well. Feeling he'd recovered, Roy smiled and headed back over to the grill.

Little did Roy know that the whole scene had been watched by several people. Jo ducked back into the kitchen, a frown on her face. She'd seen John rush past her on the way into the house, and she presumed the bathroom, and had been headed out to ask her husband what had happened when she watched the conflicting emotions cross his face. More than a little bewildered, she returned to mixing more lemonade.

Both Cap and Mike had seen and heard Roy with John, saw Johnny dart away as soon as Roy was distracted and saw Roy's reaction to Johnny's disappearance. The two men exchanged worried glances, both growing even more concerned with the youngest member of their crew.

In the bathroom, Johnny perched on the edge of the tub and held his head in trembling hands as he took deep breaths, fighting to keep the food he'd eaten down. Roy is right about one thing, the paramedic acknowledged. I can't do my job if I can't keep food in me. He closed his eyes, forcing his body to relax, even as his head pounded and his stomach made little contractions.

After several moments, he stood and opened the closet. He reached up onto the top shelf and pulled down a medium sized locked box. He knew the combination and soon had it opened and the bottle of aspirin within as well. He gulped two down, washing them down with water from the sink before he relocked the box and replaced it. He splashed some cold water over his face, dried himself and after taking several more deep breaths opened the door.

As he walked down the oh so familiar hall, he paused, looking around him. Something was different. Frowning he looked closer at the various pictures that lined the walls. When it hit him, he again had to fight his pounding head as well as a wave of dizziness. For the third time in less than an hour, tears filled his eyes. He looked again at the pictures, seeing what was there, and more importantly, what wasn't. They must really hate me. He shook his head, amazed at how quickly his world had seemed to change. Was it really only a little over a week ago that he'd stood in this same hall after checking on a sleeping Jennifer after bringing her home from the hospital? He pushed himself away from the wall he'd been propped against. I need to get out of here. I don't belong here anymore.

That decision made, Johnny headed toward the front door away from the happy noises of the party in the backyard. He'd made it past the den and was turning from the sliding door near the kitchen and into the living room when a voice called out to him. He froze as a warm body impacted his legs, nearly knocking him off his feet.

"Uncle Johnny! You're here!" Jenny looked up into his face, her blue eyes dancing with obvious joy. She hugged him fiercely. "I've missed you! Look! My hand is so much better now!" She waved the still bandaged appendage at him and he couldn't stop the wince. Instantly she frowned, "Does your heart still hurt Uncle Johnny? It shouldn't because I'm all better now. It hardly even hurts any more and the doctor said soon I'll get the stitches out and I can go swimming again!"

He tried to smile in reassurance but managed only a weak grin, "I'm fine, Jennifer. Don't worry about me." He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat as he continued, "I'm . . .I'm glad you're feeling better."

Jenny tugged on his hand as she turned and faced the girl who had been standing behind her. Johnny recognized the same girl who had stared at him when he'd opened the door for her. Again, her scrutinizing gaze was locked onto his face.

Oblivious to either Johnny's or Amy's expressions, Jenny blithely chattered, "Amy, this is my Uncle Johnny. He's the coolest. He can play barbies better than anyone else and he makes up the best voices!" She tugged more on Johnny's hand, trying to pull him toward her room. "Come on Uncle Johnny, come play barbies with us." She coaxed.

Johnny shook his head at the child who meant more to him than any other female he knew. "Not today, Jennifer."

She stopped, her eyes suddenly searching his face, "Why not? Uncle Johnny? Are you sick?"

Johnny shook his head again and gently pulled his hand from her hold. "I said, I'm fine, Jennifer. I'm sorry. I have to leave."

Jenny continued to watch her uncle, her face frowning. "But Uncle Johnny. . ." Johnny opened his mouth to again refuse when he was interrupted by Amy.

Amy had watched the actions of the pair before her getting more and more irritated that they were ignoring her so she now gave out a loud sigh. "Oh let him go, Jenny. I thought you said your Uncle Johnny was cool. This guy isn't cool; he's just another dumb old fireman like the rest." Amy sniveled. Johnny closed his mouth. Jenny looked shocked at the other girl. Amy took hold of Jenny's hand and pulled, "Come on. I saw you had a Sorry game. I want to play that."

Jenny pulled away and in an even voice said, "Take it back."

Amy blinked at her, "What?"

"I said, take it back." Jenny repeated.

"Take what back?"

Jenny tipped her head toward Johnny who was beginning to look very uncomfortable. "What you said about firemen and what you said about my Uncle Johnny. He's not just a fireman, he's a paramedic, one of the best there is. I heard Dr. Brackett say so to Dr. Bentley when he was stitching my hand."

Amy scoffed, "Oh for cryin' out loud. He's not cool. My dad's a fireman and a paramedic and he's definitely not cool." Now Amy tried another tactic and sniffled, making her voice pathetically whiny she said, "I thought you liked me; I thought we were best friends. Why won't you do what I want? That's what best friends do." She again grabbed Jenny's hand and pulled.

"Jennifer, it's awright. You two go play." Johnny coaxed. Jenny whirled to face him, again pulling away from Amy. "No Uncle Johnny, it's not alright. And Amy?" she turned to face the older girl, "Best friends don't treat each other bad. We always have to do what you want. All you want to do is boss me around and that's not being friends." Their voices had become louder and several adults around stopped their conversations to turn and watch.

Suddenly Amy's hand shot out and slapped Jenny hard across the face. "All right, have it your way, ya big baby. I never liked you anyhow. My mother said we had to come over to your dumb old house and be nice to you brats because our fathers worked together. Go on, go play your stupid games with you stupid Indian fireman. I know all about what a screw-up he is. I heard your dad and mine talking the other night. Don't know why anybody would want some dumb smelly Indian around anyway."

"He is not! My Uncle Johnny is not!" As Jenny lunged at the girl, the previously frozen adults finally sprang into action, separating the two.

"Jennifer Marie DeSoto! I am very disappointed in you! That is not the way you treat a guest. You apologize to Amy right now young lady!" JoAnne reprimanded her daughter. Jenny, tears coursing down her face looked up at her scowling parents. "But Momma, she said awful things about Uncle Johnny! I was just trying to make her take 'em back."

Roy glared at his daughter, "Jennifer." She dropped her head and sniffled loudly, "I. . .I'm sorry Amy." Amy refused to look at her from where she stood between her mother and father. She lifted her nose into the air then turned to her mother and whined, "Momma, I don't feel good. I think some of the food here has made me sick."

Tammy smoothed her daughter's hair, "Alright, Angel. You go on out to the car and I'll be there in a moment." Amy stomped her foot, "Now Mother. I want to leave now!" She screwed up her face and gagged. Instantly, her mother swung her up in her arms. "Calm down baby. Just relax. We're leaving." She gently forced her daughter's head down onto her shoulder, completely missing the look of triumph on Amy's face before she snuggled into her mother's neck.

Tammy turned to Marc. "Bring the rest of the stuff and get Terry. We need to leave now." Without another word, she left the house. Roy and Jo exchanged uncomfortable glances then Roy looked back down at his still weeping daughter. "Now young lady you apologize to everyone else for your actions and then get off to your room." Jenny did as told, her gaze still on the floor. As she passed Marco and Mike they could plainly hear her say, "But Amy had no right to call Uncle Johnny those names. He's not stupid and he's not dumb. Why am I the one in trouble?"

Roy sighed heavily and looked at his fellow shiftmates. "Look, I'm really sorry."

Cap shrugged and gave a somewhat forced smile, "Don't worry about it Roy. They're only kids." The others made like comments as they shifted uncomfortably.

Roy gave a faint nod as he recalled the words Amy had spouted. With a sigh, he began, "Gage, I want to. . ." He paused looking around. I could've sworn he was right here when I grabbed Jenny. Now where'd he go? But Johnny was gone; a quick check of the street showed the space where he'd left his Rover was empty.

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