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Breakfast that next morning was a subdued affair. Several times, Kent tried to start up conversations with Roy but clearly the senior paramedic was distracted. Johnny stood in his spot near the sink, nibbling half-heartedly at a piece of toast and darting confused glances at his partner who watched him nearly constantly. Mike and Marco exchanged glances and Mike shrugged at Marco's questioning look, "I don't know what's up with him this morning. He sure is making Johnny nervous." The engineer whispered to the unvoiced question.
Marco shook his head and took another swipe of jam across his knife. "Johnny isn't the only one creeped out by it. I'm surprised he hasn't bolted by now. If this is the newest phase in whatever's going on with DeSoto, I don't think Johnny can handle it." He took a large bite of his toast and looked sideways where the youngest member had given up eating. Johnny's dark eyes roamed restlessly around the room only to come back to that unending stare then flit away again as he shifted nervously from one foot to the other.
Roy was oblivious of the attention his odd behavior was receiving from his fellow shiftmates. He wasn't even really looking at Johnny. Instead he was seeing the images in his dream over and over. Seeing Brice carry his younger partner's lifeless body out of the station. Feeling the cold flesh under his hand, closing the sightless dull eyes and arguing with Brice as he tossed Johnny unceremoniously into the dumpster. Brice's words kept echoing in his head. 'Perhaps you should ask yourself why you've decided that John Gage's part in your life is no longer welcome. Then you'll have the answer on why you keep killing him in your dreams.'
As Roy watched the other man shift uncomfortably under his stare, he could see flashes of the other dreams, images of Johnny falling into a endless dark pit while he let his lifeline just snake past him, Johnny screaming as the goo slowly buried him, Johnny's body being crushed under falling concrete, etc. Each terrifying image one of the past dreams.
A sharp blow to his ribs by a well placed elbow and a harsh voice in his ear startled him. "Hey, DeSoto! Man, guy, get a grip!"
'Get a grip, that's what I need. I just need to get control over these thoughts, need to slow down and think about all this.' With concentrated effort, he pulled his gaze away from the shifting figure by the sink and turned toward his friend. "I'm sorry, Marc. I guess I'm still tired from that fire last night. What were you wanting?"
Satisfied he had his friend's attention back, Kent glanced once where Johnny still stood then began questioning Roy over his day off. To his disappointment, Roy nixed any get togethers with a shake of his head. "Sorry Buddy. No can do today. I've got a list of stuff at home I need to get done. Chris's first time at Boy Scout camp is next week and I'm helping the troop get ready."
Johnny couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped him as Roy finally stopped his staring and began talking with Kent. The sight of Jason Schlemmer, his paramedic replacement, walking through the door perked him up even more. He quickly rinsed out his cup and headed toward Cap. "Cap, Jason's here. I'm gonna take off now, if that's awright?"
He shifted from one foot to the other as Cap looked up from the sheet he'd been reading. Cap looked from the anxious paramedic, over to where Schlemmer was getting a glass of juice from the fridge then back to his paramedic. "Sure John. I don't see a problem as long as you let Schlemmer know." Johnny gave a quick small nod and left. Jason had no problem with his leaving although he teased, "Why the hurry Gage? You got a hot date or something?"
Johnny smirked faintly and shook his head, "No, not unless you count my ranch or my bed." With a friendly slap on his shoulder, Jason acknowledged the other paramedic. Johnny left the kitchen and headed into the locker room. He quickly changed and grabbed the package from the bottom he'd found there earlier. He brought it up to his nose and inhaled deeply, a faint smile on his face as his mouth watered in anticipation of the heavy moist pumpkin bread he knew was inside. He left the building, his stomach growling in anticipation as his mind swirled with ideas of ways to thank Maggie Stanley.
Roy's replacement had arrived and he hurried into the locker room. He caught sight of his partner just leaving the building and called out, "Gage, John, wait!" But the younger man didn't seem to hear. Roy stopped, just watching him as he climbed into his Rover and roared off, not knowing really why he'd called out to him and not really knowing what he would have said had Johnny stopped.
The twenty-four hours off passed quickly for all the A-shift members and the next morning found them meeting back up in the kitchen. Roy frowned as he changed his clothes, the last day at home hadn't been as pleasant as he'd hoped. 'I don't know what got into Jo. I only suggested that we really should change a few things around the house.' He pulled a uniform shirt off the hanger and put it on. 'The kids are getting older and into more and some of that stuff just isn't safe. I'm only thinking of my family's safety.'
He thought back to how his suggestions on how to better run the house were met with first nonchalance, then aggravation and finally anger as the day had progressed. Finally after suggestions on how to make the appliances safer, she spun on him. "All right! I've had enough! I don't know what is going on with you lately but you are driving me up the wall with your controlling ways. No one that I know of has died and made you king! This is my house and my kitchen and I have run it just fine for the last several years. And since you had no complaints until recently, I intend on keeping things just as they are. If you don't like it, you . . you can just march yourself back to the station, Mr. DeSoto."
He had stormed off into his garage, spending the next several hours sorting and repacking items for the scout camp. Later, over supper, the two had come to a compromise of sorts, both sort of ignoring the blow up and pretending it hadn't happened. Still, it rankled him and had put him in a sour mood this morning. He slammed his locker door with more force than was necessary and stomped off for a cup of coffee.
A glance over to the sink revealed Johnny standing there. Roy reached for the coffee pot and Johnny moved slightly out of his way. Roy filled his cup and glanced at the other man, "Gage." He stated. Surprised at being addressed, Johnny looked up to see Roy give him a nod of getting. "Good morning, Roy," he quietly replied. He watched as Roy walked over to the table and sat down.
It had been two weeks now since Roy had returned to duty, and he waited until his fellow shift-members filled their cups and sat at the table. Then, as he had each shift start, he began an update of Jen's medical progress. "Well, yesterday Jen saw Dr. Bentley for her second time." Each crewmember paused in their actions and snuck a glance at Johnny who stood silently in his place in front of the sink. He continued to drink his coffee, his face as was now usual, devoid of emotion.
"He removed all the stitches and gave Jo a list of exercises to have Jenny practice to make sure the scars don't pull up."
"Does she have many scars?" Chet asked. Johnny found himself leaning forward, listening intently.
"Not really. At least not that should affect her much since the lacerations were on her distal fingers. He said she might have some sensitivity since three of the areas are on her fingertips. I guess the main concern is her thumb. The laceration was above the joint but wrapped around the finger. Doc said she should be fine, though." Roy sipped his coffee, aware of the sigh from the sink but ignoring it. Kent slapped his back, "That's great to hear, buddy. I know how worried you were."
Cap slapped his hands together and announced, "Now on that good note, roll call in three gentlemen." With that, he headed toward his office to get his clipboard. The other men left their seats and headed out. Roy went over to the sink and rinsed his cup.
"Roy." The soft voice caught his attention and he looked up. "For what it's worth, I'm glad she'll be awright."
"For what it's worth." Roy found himself repeating, then without another word he left. Johnny watched him go. "I guess it's not worth very much." He murmured, then rinsed his own cup and went to join his stationmates.
Johnny followed his shiftmates into the bay and took his place in the far end of the line, his gaze carefully straight, his face impassive. He'd given up trying to figure out what he could do to change what had happened between him and Roy. He'd given up on almost everything. Somedays, for brief moments, he almost felt back to 'normal' then he'd see the turned down pictures in his house, or he'd come into work and everything would hit him all over again. Now—now he was just tired. He'd discovered it was best not to try and feel anything, that way nothing hurt. He just coasted through the shifts, letting whatever was happening buffet him as it would, not letting anyone or anything penetrate. He merely existed, friend to no one, and no one's friend.
After Cap assigned the chores, Mike tried to engage Johnny into a conversation but soon gave up. Marco too pulled the younger man aside but the only one word answers to any questions and that awful blank gaze from those formerly expressive eyes finally depressed him to the point of giving up. Later the two exchanged notes.
Chet wondered into the kitchen to see Mike and Marco deep in conversation. "What's up with Gage now?" The Irishman bluntly asked. "I thought he pulled out of his funk after we went to his house after the picnic."
Marco looked up at his mate, his gaze suspicious. "Why Chet? What did you do to him?"
Chet shrugged and tried to look nonchalant but failed. "I. …uh. . .I was just asking him if he had any dates recently, that's all."
Mike frowned, " Uh huh."
Chet glared, his voice defensive as he insisted, "I did!"
"And what did he say?" Marco asked. Chet shrugged again, "That's just it. He just said 'No' then stood there looking at me." He shuddered, "It was creepy. He just looked at me, no comments, no smirks, no protest, just that no and that blank stare."
Mike and Marco exchanges looks and sighs, "Just leave him alone, Chet." Marco sighed. Chet raised his hands, "Fine. What do I care? If Gage wants to wander around here looking like some sort of lifeless zombie, what's that to me! I'm sick of all this crap." More then a little peeved, he stomped from the kitchen.
Unfortunately for the men of A-shift, the morning remained calm. The engine left for some scheduled fire inspections and the squad covered some hydrant tests but nothing else. After lunch found Kent out at the squad, checking oxygen bottles while Mike polished the engine and Chet bugged him. The silence was broken as Kent cleared his throat and the two other firemen looked his way.
1"So, uh, how long has Roy been training Gage?" Kent asked.
Chet snickered, "Seems like years. DeSoto has the patience of a saint where Gage is concerned." He loved teasing his favorite pigeon even if Gage wasn't right there listening.
Kent nodded, "Really? That long—wow. He must indeed. Although I'm surprised that headquarters let Gage remain a trainee without dumping him back onto a truck. Back in San Diego you weren't a trainee for longer then six months." He frowned then shrugged, "Either they see something special in him or he's got powerful friends in high places."
Chet and Mike looked at each other bewildered. Then the meaning of Kent's words hit them. Chet's eyes widened, "No, no, that's not what I meant! You've got it wrong!"
"Johnny's not Roy's trainee, he's not anybody's trainee." Mike began.
Kent smiled, "Oh! Well, good for him; he finally got his pin then. So where's he transferring to? And how soon?" He bent over the oxygen tank again, readjusting the valves as he continued, "To tell you the truth, Gage's continuous incompetence had me worried. Once he's gone, maybe I can become Roy's partner. I think we work well together and I can learn a lot from him."
Again the stunned engineer and the line man exchanged glances then both talked at once trying to correct a terrible wrong.
From the corner of his eye, Mike saw movement near the dorm room doorway. Johnny stood there, still as a statue, his gaze locked toward the kitchen. Then his head moved and Mike caught Johnny's eye for a mere moment, then John dropped his head, slowly turned, and disappeared back into the dorm.
Across the other side of the bay standing in the Kitchen doorway, Roy had heard the entire conversation and he too had caught sight of his partner, frozen in mid-stride. For the first time in over two weeks, he really looked into the younger paramedic's face; saw the disturbing blankness reflected in that brown gaze, the dark circles under the eyes and the lines around his eyes and lips. With a jolt, he realized he hadn't been mistaken at the party and briefly wondered what was going on with the younger man before Johnny broke the connection, turned and walked away.
Roy sighed, he had no idea how Kent could have gotten such a false impression of his partner, knowing the words had to have hurt Johnny deeply. Since the day Johnny had graduated from paramedic training at Rampart, the younger man had held a deep pride in his work. In other manners, he might seem flighty or erratic but on the job he was intent and thorough. Roy knew this, as did everyone else at Station 51.
"Roy has a partner, he's had a partner since the paramedic program first began. You can . . ." Chet sputtered.
"Johnny is not incompetent. You could learn a lot from Johnny as well." Mike protested. Kent was shaking his head at their protests when another voice stilled them all.
"John Gage is my partner. He has been my partner since before the Wedsworth-Townsend bill passed. John Gage was in the first class graduating from Rampart and is one of the County's best paramedics." Roy's soft voice was clear and Mike thought maybe a little bit sad. He nodded to his crewmate, a slight smile on his face.
Kent's eye were wide, "You mean he's that Gage?? Sure, I've heard of him but after being here I figured it must be someone else!" Before anymore could be said the tones went off.
"Station 51 Man down. 3422 East Spring Street 3-4-2-2-East Spring Street Cross street Palo Verde Ave Time out 9:34"
Roy raced to the squad's driver's side. Kent stowed the oxygen back into its compartment and sealed it in before yanking open the passenger side. As he slid in, Johnny joined him, shutting the door and securing his helmet.
Mindful of the conversation he'd just had, Kent intently watched Johnny as the younger man gave Roy directions, not once consulting a map as he guided them—and the engine following—through a maze of traffic laden streets. The short cuts he led them through had them arriving on scene in less then fifteen minutes. Kent knew the main roads well enough to know the journey there would have taken them nearly 30. Once on scene, he was amazed at the speed and efficiency with which the two men worked, barely speaking to each other as they worked in complete tandem. Here he saw and finally understood he was watching LA County's best paramedic team in action. Three more runs of a similar manner had him rethinking some of his first impressions.
Later, after several amazing runs in succession, he marveled at what he'd witnessed to Dixie. "It was incredible, Ms. McCall. They hardly said more then ten words between them yet as soon as one would reach out a hand, the other would fill it with whatever they needed instantly. Most of the time what was said was things like vitals or just each other's name."
Dixie hid a secret smile as the paramedic paused for both a breath and a sip of cola. . "It was the most amazing sight I've ever seen." Again he shook his head, "You know, even in San Diego when they teach the paramedic program they teach about how DeSoto recruited for the paramedic program and how Gage was the first paramedic ever to perform a successful defibrillation in field. When I got up here, I thought Roy was the DeSoto I'd heard about but, Gage. Well . . ." He paused then continued, "Let's just say I thought the stories were a bit exaggerated."
Dixie looked at him, her face straight as she asked, "So, what did you think of John Gage when you first got here?" She hid her curiosity with a nonchalant air even though she dearly wanted the answer. She knew somehow a lot of the way Roy was treating Johnny now had to do with this trainee, although she wasn't sure why.
Kent scrunched up his face, "Well. Gage is an ok guy, I guess. He handles a hose alright. He's kinda quiet around the station, always flitting off to be by himself, never wants to join in with stuff like card games and all."
He chuckled as he remembered something else, "He's a little slow on the uptake if you ask me. I've seen Chet pull a few good ones on him and heard about more from some of the other guys around here. It's fun to tease him about all that stuff about being an Indian, you know, jokes about 'we'll never get lost because we have our own Indian guide' and things like that. He just smiles but never does anything else." He laughed outright over some of the things he'd pulled himself on the solitary man.
Dixie kept her face straight as inside her mind screamed with outrage and her heart bled. 'Oh Johnny! This is so much worse than I imagined.' Never could she ever believe that the vibrant, outgoing effervescent firemen she'd know for the last several years would be described as this man had described him. 'And Gage, he always calls him Gage, never Johnny or even John.' She frowned as something else dawned on her, 'Roy had only been calling him Gage.' She returned her attention once more to the paramedic as she nodded, "And now?"
Marc sighed, looking at the can in his hand, "Now I'm not so sure. I've seen him work and what they did—what Gage did today in the field—was nothing short of incredible."
Dixie chuckled softly, "I've had the pleasure of watching them work also and you're right, it's pretty amazing"
Marc grinned at her, then his grin faded, "But yet . . ." He fiddled with his can as Dixie watched his face.
She placed her hand on his to redirect his attention back on her. "You can't understand why you didn't see this amazing act before." She finished for him. He hesitated, his lower lip pulled between his teeth as he slowly nodded. She sighed and took a drink from her own coffee before she said. "Ok. I'll let you in on a little secret. Now don't you go telling anyone I told you this."
Wide-eyed he nodded and made a crossing motion across his heart and leaned closer to her conspiratorially. She smiled, "Those two are as good as they are because they are more than just work partners; they have a great relationship off work as well. That said, like all relationships they have misunderstandings and problems. Right now, they're having some rough spots." She pulled back and turned her attention back to the chart before her. "That's all I'll say about it. Any more than that you'll have to get from either Roy or Johnny themselves."
Mark drew back from her, a little bewildered by her words. Dix just nodded her head. "You think about that and just continue to watch." He opened his mouth to say more when Roy came out of the treatment room at the same moment as Johnny walked toward them down the hall.
"Squads here. Call us available." Roy told Kent as Johnny approached. He moved past the dark haired man as Johnny watched him go. Without breaking stride, Johnny turned on his heel to follow but Dixie stopped him with a hand to his arm. "Give him time, Johnny. You know what you mean to him."
Brown eyes met hers, and Dixie felt a stab of sadness at the lack of life in their formerly expressive depths. The corners of his lips turned slightly upward at her look. "I know what I thought I did – maybe. Perhaps. At one time." He gave a sad shrug of his shoulders, "Perhaps not, though." He left, trailing behind Kent, his once bouncing step a carefully measured walk. Shaking her head, Dixie found herself sending up a prayer, ' Please, something's gotta break soon. I don't think he can handle much more, Lord.'