I think you can do much better then me
After all the lies I made for you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I wouldn't miss you
But I remember what it feels like beside you
(Eli's pov) how ironic that I'm dressed in all black. I wasn't trying to mock her. This was just the way I dressed. I couldn't believe it was it really been a year? Tears threaten to fall down my pale skin. Being sun deprived those that. It couldn't be a year since I last smile, I last cared, I last laughed, and it couldn't be a year since I ever felt something other then guild or sorrow.
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(Eli's pov) I should have never gotten closer to her; I should of hide my feeling and admired her from afar. I should have never forced myself inside her heart and her life. I should have never taken something so special to her, but the more I say this the more I know I'm lying. I guess I really pissed off cupid for that I couldn't stay away, she was the source of my light, she was all the good in my pathetic thing you call my life. My life had color with her, now it's only black, hence why I continue wearing it. It seems that's all I'm destined to feel is loneliness and regret…
While looking through your old box of notes I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered what it feels like beside you
(Eli's pov) I closed my eyes as I sat on the edge of my bed, my feet were barely touching the floor as I had a treasure box on my lap, my hands clutching the top of the box, my breathing seemed to ragged, my heart raced a bit as I knew what this box contained, should I really open this? Will this help me or would it only break me more? The room was deathly quiet; the only source of light was my lava lamp on the corner. I finally had enough and I opened the box hastily and it hit me, her perfume intoxicated me, that smell that I loved to get lost in, it still smelled wonderful all those late nights she sleeping under my bed covers my arms around her, she snuggling closer to my chest. I almost broke but I decided not to as I look past the love notes we wrote to one another, past her ring, past her head ribbon that tied back that beautiful curly hair that only framed her face perfectly giving me a clear view of her big bright eyes full of life…
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(Eli's pov) ELI! ELI! ELI! When are you going to learn that you're not supposed to be happy? When are you going to learn that you only bring misery and loss to others? All those tears that are shed are because you're the one that cause it, you alone. ~Flash back~
"Eli, do you love me forever?" her sweet-toned voice asked me. I immediately turned to look at the source of the voice that no choir could ever compare to this euphony. Her bright eyes, placed the stars to shame, I forgot how to breathe that second. This couldn't be true, this wonderful sculpture figure resembling an angel with not a single mistake was asking me, Elijah "Eli" Goldsworthy if loved her for all eternally …I don't deserve her, the heavens made a mistake making her fall for me, but I was being selfish, I shook my head out of my own nonsense and responded with a"yes" so quietly I doubted she heard but she did because her smile increased as she pressed her lips against mine ~end flashback~
The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend that I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This cant be the end
(Eli's pov) as dragged myself out of my bed and out the house and towards the silent street. I refused to look up, I kept my gaze down on the cement payment, winter was here so I stuffed my hands in my front pockets, my hair was swatted away from my glassy eyes from the cold air around me, as I kept walking memories hit me, each more detailed then the previous one. From when I first kissed her, how our lips moved in sync, her hair was messed up after it, her cheeks flushed that beautiful apple color to last time I saw her and how I wished I didn't make her cry. I zipped my sweater up to my neck, snowflakes began to fall, and this was her favorite season…
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocent tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better then me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much
Better then me
(And I think you should know this)
You deserve much (better than me)
(Eli's pov) I finally reached my destination, I kept my head low, I knew where she was, I didn't look at my surrounds I let my heart lead me in her direction. Tears formed in my eyes as each step brought me closer… I stopped in front her, white roses were placed all around her, I kneeled in front of the marble and tears fell down my cheeks, I told myself that I would only cry here, I could only hope each tear that fell down would take part of my soul and touch her. That way I could still be with her, "blue eyes, I'm here and I miss you like crazy everyday. I can't believe its been a year since I last touched you, I last kissed you. My favorite memory of you was when we laid under the stars and you asked me if I loved you forever..." I stopped as if waiting for sign to see if she was listening. The wind slowly whooshed and I took that as a sign and kept going"well, I should have been honest, I do love you with all my heart but I had doubts. I mean how could I even compare to some one like you? You were beautiful inside and out, and thanks to me your not here anymore, I'm sorry Clare. I'm so sorry" I buried my eyes in my sweater sleeve and wiped my eyes. I sat there for what seemed hours, looking at the gravestone. The sun started settling and I knew I should go so I forced myself upward and kissed my fingers and touched the gravestone as softly, as carefully as I could. "I'm leaving now, but ill be back tomorrow like I been for the past year." I walked away with a heavy heart and blood-shot red eyes, I failed to noticed that the red rose I placed in the middle was up in the air in the hands of a beautiful girl with bright blue eyes, curly hair dressed in a white dress. "See you tomorrow Eli" she whispered along with the wind…
Song: better then me
artist: hinder
Author's note: requested by MadameDegrassi96. I'm sorry if it wasn't what you had in mind, this was a toughy lol. In lighter news I LOVE the song it's now in my iPod lol so thanks and I hope you like it, if not LOVE IT. You made my day :) by reviewing