CHAPTER 1

-:-As You Sow So Shall You Reap-:-

2016 -:- Present Day

Every creature has a basic instinct for survival. It was just nature, well, for everyone except me. I died ten years ago, but if you want to get technical, it's been ninety-eight years since my heart stopped beating. But the death I count was ten, long years ago, the exact moment the world erupted in chaos and the one creature that I failed to protect, the one I cherished the most, ceased to exist, along with more than a quarter of the world's population.

It had been a decade since we had stepped foot in that house. I wondered what would be there for us when we returned. I was sure Carlisle knew what waited for us, he wouldn't have suggested going back if he didn't. I wondered if we were ready, if we had healed enough to go back. So much had happened since the day we left Forks ten years ago. I even wondered if our time there was real, if any of it was.

I remembered I was happy, the only time in my miserably long existence. A few short months of happiness when you have to live an eternity didn't seem like much, especially when you have already been on this earth for hundred and fifteen years. A few shorts months when you had eternity is like a few short minutes to a human, easily forgotten. At least you would think so. But I remembered everything; every touch, every smile, every breath, everything as if it happened only yesterday.

It was completely against my family's wishes to leave Forks, but I had made the decision, and we were a family so they respected my choice. After what had happened at Bella's birthday party, I couldn't live with myself knowing that her life was at risk all the time just by being with me. She deserved a happy life, a long life filled with milestones such as marriage and children. I didn't want her to become a monster like me. I could not accept that. She was my everything, and I would not take her soul. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, leaving her, my life was forfeit without her, but I would go on, knowing that she had a chance at a normal life.

I chided myself, remembering a time when I said to her, "As long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." I was a fool to speak of hell so easily, for now I was living in it, every day for the past decade.

I remembered my thoughts, the personal turmoil I had felt when I made the decision to leave her. I knew I couldn't continue to risk her life by staying with her. I really was the selfish monster I had always thought I was. How could I deny a normal life for her? I had taken a great deal of personal effort to keep her alive, but I risked her life everyday just by being near her. That risk outweighed all the others, so I made the decision to leave, to let her live. Our world was not for her, and I had to make it like we never existed. I remembered how I thought it was a clean break, not even imagining the damage I would do to her. I had hoped she would move on in time, even though I knew I never would. There was no way I could have foreseen what was to become of the world. Even if I had, what would I have done? Knowing what I do now, would I have still changed her so we could live in this hell together?

I knew the answer to that. For a fleeting moment, when everything had seemed so dire and urgent, my answer had been yes. I would have changed her, because I was selfish. I had wanted her alive, or our version of alive and that meant changing her to cheat death. But I was never given the chance and there was nothing I could do about it now. It had been a decade, and Bella was gone. Maybe I was silently happy that she wasn't alive to endure all this pain and misery. She was in a better place than any of us—I had no doubt about that. But I was still a selfish creature, and I longed for her every day.

As we continued to drive over the bleak, desolate land of what was once our thriving country, our home, I thought back to those final days and the desperation and terror I put myself and my family through to find her. Our family had been living in the North-East, close to the Canadian border when Alice got her first vision of what was to come. I still remembered it clearly. It still played out in my mind every now and then.

2006 -:- Past Memories

We were in the living room, sitting across from each other on Esme's white leather couches, and Alice was trying her best to convince me to go back to Forks. We had been having this argument almost every day for the last six months since we left. Jasper had still not forgiven himself for what happened at Bella's party, despite my efforts to convince him otherwise. If it wasn't that incident, it would have been another one. With Bella's track record, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Bella's birthday was just an eye-opener for me, and reaffirmed that I was living a lie. Of course Alice had other ideas about Bella's life, and that was where our arguments usually stemmed from. I think she would just argue with me to provoke me into some sort of reaction. I hadn't spoken, or eaten much since we left and I did my best to avoid the others. I couldn't be around them anymore, I just wanted to be left alone to wallow in my own grief, and I knew I was making them miserable.

The rest of the family had left for Denali for a visit, and I had planned to be gone by the time they came back. Alice, of course, had a vision of my plans and told the others she and Jasper wanted to stay behind with me. She didn't tell the others what I was going to do, knowing it would break Esme's heart. I didn't mind that Alice knew of my plans, it wasn't going to make a difference. She would try and sway me of my decision, but I was resolved to leave, and there wasn't anything that she could say to make me stay.

When Alice and I got into these debates, Jasper would extricate himself to another part of the house. He hated the conflict, and despite his love for Alice, he often thought it might be better for all of them if I did leave. I was never upset by his thoughts. I knew they were driven out of the guilt of what he had done. He could feel everything I was feeling, and that only served to compound his guilt. He was hoping that if he didn't have to see me or feel my deteriorating self every day, he might be able to get over his remorse. That was why I needed to leave. The family walked on eggshells around me, and I couldn't be responsible for their unhappiness any longer. They would be happier if I wasn't hanging around, because I had become the ill-tempered and belligerent old man that I should have been had I remained human.

You're leaving again.

I nodded, without looking at her.

You're going to make her sad.

"Alice, you can't change my mind. Please, I need to do this," I pleaded with her.

"Edward, how can you be so selfish? You can't leave. You'll break Esme's heart even further. She loved Bella like a daughter and if you—"

"I know exactly what she meant to everyone. I hear it every day," I said bitterly.

She looked at me and frowned. We should go back. I think she needs us.

"I told you not to look for her. Leave her future alone."

I haven't! And you would know if I did. But don't you just want to see?

"No," I said with finality. Of course I wanted to see, but I couldn't tell Alice that. Bella needed to be safe, and not have me in her life. Alice interfering would only weaken my resolve to stay away from her.

She sighed, walking over to sit beside me. This is tearing you apart, tearing all of us apart. "You deserve to be happy too," she spoke aloud. I knew she was hoping the sound of her voice would make a difference in my decision.

"No," I said quietly. I could tell she picked up on my hesitation, so I continued, earnestly, trying to convince her best that I could. "I want her to move on. I want her to live a life she deserves, and I can't give her that."

"And what about you, Edward? Don't you deserve that kind of life?"

I scoffed at the word 'life.' Life? No, that would imply being alive. I was dead. An abomination. No, this was the life I was destined to live. I was a monster and did not deserve an angel such as Bella.

Don't underestimate Bella. Alice thought, as if she was the one who could read minds. If you would just give her a chance—

"No. You know I can't, Alice." I dropped my head in my hands. "I won't do that to her. Please don't ask me to." I sighed as we sat beside each other in silence. What Bella wanted and what was good and right for her were two entirely separate things.

"I'll come back." I raised my head looking into her eyes, pleading. "I promise. I just need some time."

Alice forced out a breath she didn't need. She knew all too well that I would be coming back, I didn't need to explain it anymore. But I knew she wanted to hear me say it.

"You're going to try to find Victoria." Maybe Jasper and I could come with you.

I shook my head. "They'll need you to look out for them if I'm gone. Besides, think of Esme, do you want to rip her family in two?

"I'll try to track Victoria." I clenched my jaw as her name passed my lips. "I need to make sure she isn't a threat." The last vision Alice had of Victoria was that she was in South America, safely far away from Bella. But I needed to make sure she meant no harm to her. I needed to get close to her and read her thoughts. If there was any chance of danger, I would eliminate her.

"Well, I haven't had any flashes of anything new …." She closed her eyes, in that all too familiar way when she looked to the future.

I tapped into her mind, wanting to see exactly what she would see. A few seconds passed when a bright flash invaded our minds and brought Alice to her knees. I shared her agony and crumpled to the floor along with her, clutching my head in pain. Neither of us could make sense of the images. There were too many. They came too fast, and the idea of them was so implausible. It was as if the gates of Hell had opened up and the earth was swallowed in flame. Both of us were writhing on the floor as the constant barrage of images flooded our minds. They were filled with suffering and pain, and we were both screaming in anguish. I reached out to her, trying to grab hold of something good, but just as suddenly as the vision came, it left, and then there was only darkness. Jasper came running into the room and swooped Alice up in his arms.

"Alice, are you okay?" A look of terror crossed his face. "What the hell was that?" He carried her over to the couch and sat down with her in his lap. She couldn't speak, and just turned her head into his chest. He threw me a pointed look, as if I was to blame for what had just transpired. "Edward?" he demanded, expecting answers.

"I, I don't know." I shook my head and squeezed my temples trying to erase the pain.

"I could feel it all from upstairs. It was a frenzy of emotions. Then there was just despair. So powerful it knocked me backward. What did you do to her?" He continued to glare at me accusingly while he caressed Alice's back, trying to ease her suffering.

"Jasper, it wasn't Edward," she spoke just above a whisper.

He looked at me, his face softening, but his eyes and his thoughts were full of questions.

"It was all so fast and too many images to make sense of it all." I ran my hands through my hair, gripping it tightly.

A calming sensation fell over us as Jasper did his best to help us get through it. I walked over to them kneeling in front of Alice. "Do you have any idea what that was?"

"No." She closed her eyes. "No more than you, Edward. It was too much, like you said. The images were too fast. It was like …"

"Hell had made its way to earth," I finished for her.

"Yes," she whispered, and shivered at the idea of what we saw coming to life.

"We need Carlisle."

.

THE FAMILY CAME HOME within twenty-four hours of Alice's first vision. Jasper had called them asking they return immediately. He didn't divulge anything, but the family did not hesitate and did not ask any questions. We gathered around the kitchen as soon as they arrived. From their thoughts, they were confused, but this wasn't the first time a family meeting had been called like this, so no one was apprehensive, at least not until they saw Alice's face. In the last twenty-four hours she had withdrawn completely. She looked as though she hadn't fed in weeks when it was actually only days.

We moved into the dining room sitting around the large, polished oval table. It wasn't like we ever used this room, but whenever something serious needed to be discussed, Carlisle gathered us around the table in a conference of sorts. We made decisions as a family, always discussing them together, everyone having an equal say. This was something Carlisle was always adamant about. And we followed him because he was the soul of our family, and a leader worth following.

Esme was the last to walk into the room, and made her way over to the seat beside Carlisle. She took one look at Alice, changed her direction and headed straight for her, gathering her into her arms. Her motherly instincts kicked in.

"What has happened?" she asked warmly but full of concern. If Carlisle was the soul of the family, Esme was its heart and everything she did was an act of pure love.

Jasper and I tried our best to describe what we saw and felt. It was a lot more difficult than we thought it would be. We didn't have any answers. We didn't have much to go on, but we weren't the only ones at a loss for words. No one had any answers. Hours passed as we ran through scenarios, a sort of a brainstorm session trying to make sense of it all.

"You said Alice was looking for Victoria?" Carlisle asked me.

"Yes, but she didn't get a chance to find her. It just … just happened. I don't think it has anything to do with her."

"It's got to be something with the Volturi," Rosalie said condescendingly. "They must be coming after us because of her." Edward, this is all your fault. If you had just left the human alone…

"It was nothing like that," I snapped. "There were too many humans involved in Alice's vision. The Volturi would never risk that."

"What about Maria? Would she gather another army?" Carlisle looked to Jasper.

Jasper shook his head. "No, she's got ambitions, but none that would cause that much anguish. This was much bigger than anything she could cause. Besides, she operates within the Volturi rules ever since the last uprising."

"Alien Invasion!"

"Emmett!" Rosalie smacked him on the back of the head. "Be serious for once."

"I am serious! It's like 'War of the Worlds' but in reality. Who'd have thought Vampires were real? Are aliens that much of a stretch?"

I laughed at Emmett's thoughts. I had to hand it to the guy, he did know how to cut the tension.

"Right, jackass! Like an alien invasion is coming to take over and destroy the world!" Rosalie rolled her eyes as they continued to bicker.

I looked at Carlisle's sullen face. He was thinking hard about something. I hadn't been paying attention.

A war to end all wars. A world war that starts and ends with the push of a button—

"No, Carlisle. No way, there's no chance of that." Everyone turned to look at me, then back at Carlisle.

Why not, Edward? You've lived through at least three wars, some of us more. His eyes shifted to Jasper. We all went through the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Cold War—we know it's a possibility. The threat of a nuclear war has always been a reality.

"You're wrong. Dead wrong." I glared not wanting to admit what I knew deep down might be right. The visions were taking form, and I could make a bit more sense of them with Carlisle's theory.

"Okay enough, dear, fill us in please." Esme reached for Carlisle's hand. "I don't like the look on either of your faces."

"The images you and Alice have described, lead to this. It's the only thing that fits, Edward."

"What!" Everyone responded in unison.

Carlisle cleared his throat before speaking delicately, "Nuclear war."

Emmett snorted and rolled his eyes. "I like my theory better."

No one laughed at him this time. We were all silent as we processed Carlisle's words. I looked over at Alice, and if it were at all possible, she was even paler than before. Esme brought her other hand up to her mouth, and slowly shook her head from side to side in disbelief.

Rosalie broke the silence. "What do we do? How do we stop it?"

No one answered her, because again, no one had an answer.

"Alice, can you pinpoint a time? We need to know when this is going to happen, that is imperative." Carlisle leaned across the table and grasped her hand that was intertwined with Esme's.

Shaking her head, she answered gravely, "This vision wasn't like my usual visions. There wasn't anything specific. I didn't see anyone. It was different, and there hasn't been another one since. It's like everything is just fuzzy, almost like static."

"Well, not all of your visions have come to pass. It might just have been a fleeting moment. Can you see anything else? Like concentrate on a vision of the future, like maybe Rose and Emmett's umpteenth wedding." Carlisle chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

She shook her head again. "That's just it—I see nothing. It's like it's turned off or shorted out. There's nothing!" she yelled, turning back to Jasper's chest wrapping her arms around him.

"Sssh, it's okay." I felt Jasper's soothing words to her as he continued to project his power. Edward, can you see anything in Alice's mind?

I discreetly shook my head and looked down. Alice was right. It was like looking at a TV screen filled with static. There was nothing.

Esme stood up with a frantic look on her face. "We have to warn people." She looked as if she was about to jump out of her skin. The fierce lioness was resurfacing as she thought of ways to protect us all. Her mind was racing through all kinds of scenarios, and each one of them ended with the destruction of those she loved so dearly and her being left alone. She started to panic, and I looked at Carlisle and Jasper, silently speaking with my eyes to comfort her. Immediately we all felt the effects from Jasper.

Carlisle gathered Esme in his arms. "We'll figure this out," he said.

"How can you say that? How can you promise me that this will all work out? I can't lose any of them, Carlisle. I won't!" She sobbed. "Not again."

I could hear everyone's thoughts as the panic started to set in. There is so much to do. Where will we go? How can we stop this? This changes everything. My head was spinning out of control, images and voices flashed through my brain. I couldn't concentrate, my world was crashing down around me, and I started to panic as well. I tried to focus on my own thoughts, when one image, one face from the recesses of my brain made it to the surface. I could see it so clearly above all the others invading my mind, the fear took hold of me and I clutched my head between my hands yelling at my family to stop. My family froze, as I lifted my head staring solemnly at each one of them.

I whispered one word, "Bella."