Chapter 17 (Scully)

Dinner that night was a fairly low-key event. Neither Mulder nor I particularly liked fancy restaurants, so he took me to a small, family-style place, another one of his discoveries during his walks. The food was excellent, the portions fairly large, and the prices reasonable. I managed to eat all the food on my plate; when Mulder noticed this, he chuckled at me. "Wow, Scully, looks like pregnancy does wonders for your appetite."

"I am eating for two, you know," I reminded him. "Besides, this is your kid. Figures he or she would have your appetite."

"Say it again," he instructed, leaning closer to me.

"Say what? The baby has your appetite?"

"No, before that."

"This is your kid?"

His face broke into a wide grin, and he leaned forward to kiss me. "I love hearing you say that," he told me. I looked at him skeptically. "What? You can't tell me that you don't fell a small rush of happiness every time you hear someone talk about your baby." I smiled when he said the words. "See," he said, pointing at my grin. "I told you. It feels good to think that in a couple months, I'm going to be a father."

Mulder was right; it did feel good. After so many years of heartbreak, the thought that I would finally have a chance at motherhood made me happier than I had ever been. And I could tell by Mulder's smile and by the way he looked at me that he felt the same way. People called us crazy and judged us for our youth, but we did not care. No one else understood what we had been through, no one else knew the series of events which brought us to the point at which we were now at. We had a right to be happy. This was our miracle, and nothing anyone else said was going to stop us from enjoying that fact.

Mulder paid the bill, and we left the restaurant with his arm wrapped tightly around me. "There are a couple movies playing at 8:30," he told me as we walked. "Neither of them looked very interesting."

"Then where are we going?" I questioned, noting that we were heading in the direction of the theater. He shrugged.

"I don't know. I just thought we'd head this way, see what we came across. . ."

"There's a hotel on the way to the movie theater," I remembered.

"Might be," he agreed, his eyes refusing to meet mine.

I stood on my tiptoes, leaning over so that I could whisper in his ear. "You just want to have your way with me, don't you?"

He stopped, turning so that we were face to face. Leaning closer, he whispered against my lips, "I figured I'd let you have your way with me, too." And with that, he closed the distance between our lips, kissing me with such passion and intensity that I would have agreed to anything he asked at that moment. Of course, I would have agreed to his idea as soon as he proposed it anyway. He was not the only one for whom it had been over three months.

When he finally pulled away, he wore a sly smile. "Whaddya say, Scully? You feel like getting a room?" he questioned.

"I think a room would be nice," I agreed.

When we returned home, my mother looked up at me from a magazine I knew she had not been reading before hearing us at the door. I smiled slightly; she had always been over-protective. But I guess that it made sense; after all, I was her baby girl. "How was the movie?" she asked us.

"We didn't actually go to the movie," I said honestly. "We just ended up wandering around for awhile. It was nice." I was all for being open with my mother, but there were some things she was simply better off not knowing.

"Well, Charlie wanted me to remind you that he has a game tomorrow at 10:00."

Mulder grinned at this; I knew Charlie had been pestering him about coming to the game since Mulder had arrived. "I think he mentioned that," Mulder said.

"He's starting at point. It's all he's been able to talk about all week."

"He'll do well. He has a lot of talent. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to get to bed. I've got a game to be at tomorrow." He smiled at my mother and pressed a kiss to the top of my hair before leaving the room.

I started to follow, but my mother called me back. "Dana?"

"Yes, Mom?"

"He's good for you. And great with Charlie. I'm happy for you."

I grinned. "Thanks, Mom. That means a lot."

"Goodnight, honey."

"Night, Mom." I kissed her before making my way up to my room. I noticed the light already on in my room and wondered if Missy was already home from her date. It was still fairly early; Missy usually did not get home until around midnight. When I walked into the room, however, I found not Missy but Mulder who had stripped down to his boxers and was pulling on a pair of sweatpants that I had earlier stolen from him since they were one of the few articles of clothing which still fit over my ever-expanding stomach. "Mulder?"

"You said last night that you couldn't get comfortable," he explained. "So I'm here to offer my services as human pillow again."

"My mother's not going to like us sleeping in the same bed."

"Look, Scully, what I care most about right now is that you get an adequate amount of sleep, especially with the baby coming so soon. I figured that if I could help, then I would no matter what your mother said."

I sighed; he was right, I did need my rest, and I certainly had slept better with him beside me. Besides, what my mother did not know couldn't hurt her. "Okay, Mulder," I conceded. "But you need to give me back those sweatpants."

"They're mine."

"Not since your baby made me so big I can't fit into any of my clothes."

"Oh, so it's my baby now?" He grinned as he removed the pants and threw them at me. I caught them easily. "You know, Scully, if your mother doesn't like us sleeping in the same bed, she's definitely not going to like me sleeping in bed with you in nothing but my boxers," Mulder pointed out.

"Don't you have more sweatpants?"

"Yeah, in Charlie's room."

"Then go get them."

"I don't want to wake him."

"He sleeps like a log. A nuclear bomb could go off outside and he wouldn't notice."

"Fine. I'll be back." As he walked across the room to retrieve his jeans, the door opened, and Melissa walked in, venting about her date. She stopped when she saw Mulder standing a few feet in front of her wearing nothing but his underwear.

"Am I interrupting something?" she questioned.

"Mulder was just getting ready for bed," I explained quickly. "Right?"

"I'm going, I'm going," he remarked irritably, pulling the jeans on quickly and leaving the room. When the door had closed behind him, Missy turned back to me.

"Wow, Danes, I must say, you have done well for yourself."

"No ogling my fiancé, please, Missy."

"I'm just saying with that chest and those abs. . . ooh!"

I shut her up in one of the few ways I knew how; I hit her with a pillow.

Mulder returned a couple minutes later wearing sweatpants. He was still shirtless, and I noticed Missy's eyes taking in his form appreciatively. "You sleeping in here again tonight?" she inquired.

"I figured I would if it helps Dana sleep."

"Let me tell you, if I had you sleeping next to me, it would help me sleep better, too." I glared at her, and she threw up her hands. "Fine. Have fun. Just try not to be too loud; you wouldn't want Mom finding out about your slumber party, would you?"

Mulder crawled into bed first, and I curled up beside him, burrowing comfortably into his warm, familiar form. He put an arm around me, holding me close as we both drifted off to sleep.

The next week seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, it was time for Mulder to return to school. I drove him to the airport, and he gave me a long, lingering kiss, pulling away with his hands still framing my face. He rested his forehead against mine. "I'll be back in six weeks," he reminded me. "In plenty of time for me to be there when this little one enters the world." He placed a warm hand on my stomach, and the baby gave a kick against his palm.

"I know." I bit the inside of my lip to prevent myself from crying. I really hated the pregnancy hormones which raged through my body.

"But you're going to miss me," he guessed with a wide grin.

"Hey, you're going to miss me, too," I told him, hitting his shoulder.

"More than you can imagine," he said seriously, kissing me again. Our lips remained locked until the final call for boarding his flight sounded at which point he pulled away slowly. "I have to go." Still, he did not move.

"You really should go," I remarked after a few seconds.

"Yeah." He kissed me a final time before releasing me. "I really am going to miss you." And with that, he was gone, waving a final time as he disappeared down the hallway to board the plane.

The next six weeks were some of the longest of my life. I felt huge; my ever-expanding stomach made even the simplest tasks extremely difficult. And to top it all off, summer was coming, so it was hot, almost stifling. I could not walk ten feet outside without breaking into a sweat. I felt bloated and tired nearly all the time. My mother tried to help, and I attempted to let her, but in truth, she was not really helping much. All I wanted was for my senior year to be over and for the baby to just hurry up and come out. And I wanted Mulder to come back; I think I wanted that more than anything else.

On my last day of school, I was shuffling out to the car, ready to simply go home and collapse for awhile. I was not sleeping well again, so I was tired, and my exhaustion was certainly not helping my mood. But I was finished. I had turned in my last final that day; high school was over. I just had to get through graduation the following day (a ceremony I was not looking forward to—black robes and eighty degree weather could not bode well for me), and then I would have everything behind me.

I was stepping outside when I heard a familiar voice remark, "I don't know how you stand this weather. It's hotter than hell out here."

"Mulder?" I turned to see him leaning against the wall of the building, a large smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. He pushed himself up so he was standing straight, approaching me with his arms spread wide. Our lips crashed together, and we spent a minute or so lost in each other.

When he pulled back, he placed a hand on my stomach, remarking, "Wow, Scully, are you sure there's only one baby in there?"

I slapped his hand, smiling. His statement may have seemed insensitive, but I knew better. This was Mulder. He had his own unique brand of humor that I had come to know and love over the years. "What would you do if I said no, Mulder?"

"Hmm, well let's see." He put his arms around my waist, bringing me as close as my large stomach would allow. "I think we'd have to let them duke it out. See which one comes out on top, and then we can keep that one." I punched his shoulder, and he chuckled. "Honestly, though? I'd be just as happy with two. More so actually. It would just be more to love." He frowned suddenly. "Though we'd have to talk about the whole less sleep and more diapers thing." I laughed for the first time in a few days, looping my arms around his neck to kiss him again. When we finally separated, we started toward the car, his arm around my waist. Missy was already in the driver's seat when I reached the car. As we climbed in, she turned to Mulder.

"I thought you weren't due back for another couple days."

"I finished my finals early, so I managed to catch an earlier flight. I thought it would be nice if I could get back in time for graduation."

"Roasting in the sun for two hours tomorrow morning? I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss that," Missy remarked sarcastically.

"I've been meaning to get a tan anyway," he said. "It's so hard in England. All that rain." Missy shook her head at him as she started the car to take us home.

Ahab was back for a few weeks, and he greeted Mulder with less animosity than I had expected. I only hoped that Bill would show the same courtesy the following week when he returned from college. Of course, I feared that I was asking for too much; my older brother had never been one to show kindness toward anyone that I dated. I guess four of five wasn't too bad. It could certainly have been worse.

Mulder sat down on the couch in the living room, and Ahab quickly engaged him in a conversation about basketball. I curled against Mulder's side and half-listened to what they were saying, soothed by both the cadence of their voices and Mulder's steady heartbeat beneath my ear. Before long, I slipped into sleep. A short time later, I felt Mulder's lips on my temple. "You should get to bed," he told me. I nodded, standing, and we blearily made the way to bed.

I was right; the graduation ceremony the next day was so hot it was almost unbearable. I didn't understand why the robes had to be black, but I felt as if I were sitting in a furnace for the entire ceremony. It did not help matters that the guy next to me was too large for the chair, and I ended up sitting on the opposite edge of my chair in an attempt to avoid him. The girl on my other side seemed sympathetic to my plight, for she shifted her chair slightly to allow me to move towards her. I gave her a grateful smile before shifting my chair, too, my hand on my expansive stomach as I moved. I had not wanted to attend the ceremony, but my mother had insisted, and I really had no choice. The girl smiled at me, her eyes focusing on my stomach. "How far along?" she whispered, leaning closer to me.

I turned to her; the principal was saying something about our journey through school, repeating the same trite phrases that were used at graduation ceremonies everywhere, phrases that I did not particularly care to hear again. "Eight months," I told her. "Actually, a little bit more than eight months now."

"Wow. You must be uncomfortable."

"Very." My attention returned to the principal as he finished his speech and began introducing the valedictorian. Right, the other reason that I was dreading today's ceremony. I heard him call my name, and I placed my hand on the back of my chair, pushing myself to my feet. As I began to waddle toward the stage, I heard the whispers of the audience, but I kept a wide smile plastered on my face. The principal extended a hand to help me up the stairs which I took, not because I needed it, but because I felt it would be wrong not to. Once I was at the podium, he shook my hand firmly before taking his seat again as I stepped behind the podium, spreading my speech out in front of me. I had been working on it for a couple weeks, trying to make it perfect. I had always felt that when I gave the speech the first time, it had been missing something, so I had spent a good deal of time trying to figure out what that was. I still was not sure if I had found the missing piece, but I had done the best I could. My mother and Mulder had both offered to help, but I refused, knowing that this was something I needed to do myself. I would not even let them read my speech; I wanted the first time they heard it to be at the graduation ceremony.

I cleared my throat, my smile diminishing a bit due to my nerves as I thanked the principal. As I went on to offer the necessary thanks to teachers, parents, and classmates, my eyes travelled over the crowd. Like a magnet, my eyes were drawn to Mulder where he was sitting in the third row beside Charlie, smiling as he watched me. When he saw me looking at him, he gave a wink and a thumbs up, and I felt myself relaxing slightly. I could do this.

"I learned a long time ago that you have to expect the unexpected," I began. "Life has a way of throwing things in our path that we can never anticipate. I once had a friend tell me, 'If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized, or easily referenced.' When I first heard that, I was only beginning to understand how true it was. Now, I've realized that though you may have your whole life planned out now, it's very unlikely that where you think you will be in fifteen years is where you will actually be. It's great to have a plan, but you have to be ready to adapt. Knowing where you want to go is important, but the most important thing in your life is being able to accept change and thrive on it, to take a different path if life forces you on one and to make the most of this path.

The other important thing I've learned is to live in the moment. No one knows where they're going to be in fifteen years. You may think you do, but in reality, you'll probably be somewhere you never expected. And so there's no point in worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow's going to come. What is important is what you do today. Sure, you should prepare for tomorrow, but you can't obsess over it to the point where you forget to enjoy today. Because the same thing's going to happen tomorrow. And eventually, you'll realize that because of all your obsessing, you never really had a chance to enjoy life like you should. We're only beginning our life now, taking our first steps into the world. So enjoy it. Relish your life. Live it.

And don't forget the people who got us here today, our friends and family. The people who love us. Because no matter what hardships we face in life, those people are always going to be there for us. They're the people we can trust, the people who give us the strength to go on when everything seems hopeless. They are the ones who help us adapt to the changes in life, the ones that provide us with refuge from the storm. I am grateful for these people in my life, for I would not be here without them, and I am sure many of you can say the same."

Mulder's eyes were boring into my own, and I could not tear my eyes from his. It was as if the rest of the audience did not exist, as if the speech was only for him. And in some ways, it was, for I had written the speech while thinking of our time together, the difficulties we had faced, and the mistakes I had made. Neither of us had lived enough in the moment. We were always so focused on finding the truth, on finishing our quest, that we forgot the other things in life, the small pleasures which made each day worth living. Or at least, we had forgotten about them until it was too late. And now, we had a second chance, and I was certainly not going to squander it. Ben Franklin had once said, "Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of." During my time on the X-files, I had finally realized what he had meant.

After the ceremony was over and I had completed the mandatory throwing of my cap, I made my way through the crowd to my family, acknowledging the compliments on my speech with a nod and a smile to the people who gave them. When I reached my parents, I asked, "So, what do you think? How'd I do?"

"You did great, honey," my mother assured me, pulling me into a hug.

"It was a wonderful speech, Starbuck," my father agreed, also hugging me. As they turned to congratulate Missy, too, I turned to Mulder. He was standing slightly to the side of my family, his hands deep in the pockets of his slacks, his eyes studying me carefully. I did not have to repeat the question; he knew immediately what I wanted to ask. He stepped closer to me before responding.

"Let's live in the moment, Scully," he declared, wrapping his arms around me. And then, heedless of the other graduates and their families surrounding us along with my own family, he brought his lips to mine in a kiss full of promise.