OK, I know it's been a while but we are finishing up. Thanks to all the wonderful feedback I've gotten. Thanks to those who have hung with me on this…epic. I hope to do justice for you all but more that anything else, I have to be true to the story. Soooo hope you like it…..
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Roy placed the newly refilled basin by the side of the bed, took the cloth from over Johnny's forehead and rinsed for about the hundredth time. Only this time as he did, he laid his hand on his partner's cheek first. His breath caught, dare he hope? He took the thermometer, shook it down and carefully placed it into his friend's mouth, holding it in position as he timed it. To the anxious paramedic, those three minutes were the longest he'd ever experienced. Finally he removed it from Johnny's mouth and with his breath held, read it. He let his breath out in one big whoosh. Finally! "101.8. Well, it's a far cry from normal, partner, but I'll take it." He chuckled as he replaced the cloth on Johnny's forehead. "Not that anyone can say anything about you is normal." Johnny moved his head, his face making a grimace as he gave a faint moan. Instantly Roy laid his hand on his partner's head, smoothing his hair as if he were a child. Johnny's face relaxed once more, his features again slack. Roy sighed, "I don't care, Johnny. I really don't care. I'll take you in what ever form you are, just . . .just hang in there, partner. And get well."
His breath quickened as Roy suddenly had a flash of how his life would be without his best friend, as he actually let himself feel how much he'd missed Johnny over the last three weeks. And it could have been forever. This was a reprieve, a possible second chance, and Roy was determined to make the best of it. As he looked closer at his friend, Roy could now see more evidence that the fever had broken. The fever color in Johnny's cheeks had faded and sweat now soaked the younger man. Roy knew he'd have to give Johnny a sponge bath but right now, Johnny was sleeping peaceably for the first time in several hours and he was loathe to disturb that.
Roy decided that while Johnny was in a healing sleep, he would take the time to do things he needed. With one last glance back at the figure on the bed, he left the room. Once he'd taken care of his own morning routine, he glanced at his watch. 9:30. They'd been battling Johnny's fever for over 4 hours. He walked into the kitchen and found his wife at the table, her head barely held up over a cup of coffee, her eyes closed. He smiled and touched her shoulder. She started briefly then looked up, her eyes worried.
"Johnny?" She asked.
Roy smiled, "His fever broke. I just checked him, it's now just under 102 and finally headed in the right direction."
Jo let out a deep sigh and her body slumped in the chair. He leaned down and kissed her. "Honey, why don't you go on back to bed. I'm just gonna get something to eat then I'll go back with Johnny."
"The bed'll need changed if his fever broke." Jo murmured. Roy nodded. "I know, I'll do it in a while. He's finally in a good sleep and I don't want to disturb him."
Jo nodded, knowing the younger man needed sleep in order to heal. She looked at her watch then nodded. "Alright. Let me throw in another load of laundry then I'll head upstairs." She pointed toward the small toaster oven. "I heated up some sausages and pancakes for you. And there's fresh coffee."
He kissed the top of her head, "Thank you."
Jo reached up and caressed his bristly cheek, "I know." She stood, emptied the remains in her cup into the sink, rinsed it and placed it within. As she turned toward the doorway, she suddenly stopped and turned back, "Roy, the spare sheets for the daybed are folded in the closet in there. I'd put them out on the line after I got Johnny settled." She gave a wan smile, "You know how much he likes the smell of sheets dried in the sun."
Roy reached out and pulled her into a hug, "He's gonna be alright, Jo" he murmured into her auburn hair, "You have to believe that."
She nodded and kissed his bewhiskered chin, "I do, really I do." Then she pulled away from her husband and made her way upstairs. Roy pulled out the plate from the toaster oven and bit into the pancake wrapped sausage—one of his favorite quick breakfasts and one that Jo routinely had a frozen supply of just for that reason.
He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat wearily in the seat his wife had vacated to eat his breakfast. As he chewed, his mind listed all the things he needed to do. He was going to have a busy day. Once his breakfast was consumed and the plate washed, Roy took another full cup and went back to the sunroom. Johnny was still in a deep sleep, his chest moving easily with his respirations, his color a little better. Roy placed his coffee on the table next to the cup of jello water Jo had made up for Johnny earlier. He took the pad and entered the time and the latest temp he'd taken. Then he flipped the page and began making a list of the things he needed to do.
A slight creaking of the bed followed by a shuddering breath brought his thoughts out of his own wallows and he focused on his partner. Johnny's head moved as he grimaced then a soft whimper came from the barely parted lips. Roy instantly went to his side. His hand going to his friend's shoulder as he spoke soothing words, "It's all right Johnny. Relax. You're all right." He noticed Johnny's breathing pattern had changed and figured that Johnny was waking up. He went to the closet and removed the fresh sheets, laying them in the chair by the bedside. "I'm gonna go ahead and bathe you, Johnny. Then I'll change the sheets. How's that sound, partner?" Roy talked softly to his patient, not sure how conscious he was but not wanting to startle him either.
As Johnny's awareness of self grew, he also became aware of a voice talking to him. A faint thought came that his hearing had improved, but the thought could find nowhere to settle in his fuzzy mind so it slipped away. He tried to concentrate on the voice; it was familiar but Johnny wasn't sure he wanted to hear what the voice was saying to him. He hurt. Had the voice hurt him? He knew that voices could lie, they would say nice things and then they would hurt him. Now he felt hands on him and couldn't help flinching slightly.
Again came the voice but Johnny concentrated instead on the hands. Voices lied, he knew that. Voices said nice things or quoted promises and then went back on them. Or voices said one thing when others were around to hear, but changed when alone. Hands didn't lie. Hands, he'd found, were more honest. They either helped him or hurt him. He'd lie there meekly and unresisting, waiting to see what these hands would do.
He felt the bandages being taken from his body, felt the cool air as it struck his skin. Then the wounds were covered once more. Now he heard water and then a cloth began bathing his face and neck. Then the soothing cloth slid gently over his chest and arms, bringing blessed relief from the heat he felt. He couldn't help or really want to stop the sigh that escaped him. The hands and cloth continued their bathing of his body, carefully washing away the sweat, making him feel refreshed. The hands were kind, comforting in their ministrations. The voice had continued and now he listened a little closer. The hands had shown him that this person meant him well, maybe the voice would also.
To his surprise, he heard, "There, Johnny. Doesn't that feel better? You sweated pretty heavily last night but I think your fever might be ending now. I'll check it again when we finish. Just relax, Johnny. I'm taking care of you, just relax Junior. When I get done here, I'll change the bedding as well. That'll make you feel even better, I bet. Who doesn't like relaxing in a nice bed with fresh sheets. JoAnne even hung them out on the line to dry just for you. She knows you like the smell that gives them."
Roy? That sounded like Roy's voice? But . . . Roy was angry with him; Roy had screamed at him. He had a faint memory of pain and being cold and Roy's frowning face. Had Roy hurt him?? His mind a little clearer now, Johnny could think. No. Roy had said fever, and had talked about him sweating. His fever must have spiked, the subsequent chilling would have made him feel cold. And being the good paramedic he knew his partner was, Roy would've initiated cooling measures. That's where the visions of his body being packed in ice must have come from.
He moved his leg slightly. Ok, he wasn't strapped down, so that image was wrong. He knew he was still at the DeSoto's house, and in the sunroom. He could tell by the smell, the feel of the bed he lay on and the angle of the sun on his face. He lay completely compliant as the bath ended and he was rolled first to one side, then the other, his body braced against his partner's body as the sheets were changed. Then his limbs were thoughtfully repositioned in as comfortable a position as possible with the heavy casts still on. He heard the words spoken to him but the strange detachment he'd felt over the last few days still had a hold of him. Right now, he just didn't care.
Roy's hands were caring and compassionate as well as thorough and carefully. This confused Johnny. Roy's treatment of him over the last few weeks had been anything but those things. He could hear the things Roy was saying, but he was apprehensive about trusting them. Was Roy now just being a good caretaker? Just doing his 'job' so to speak because he -Johnny- was sick? Johnny wasn't sure. And he was equally unsure about whether he wanted to find out one way or another. There was one thing he was sure of, he was exhausted. He had no energy or even inclination to move or talk or even to remain awake. So without even giving any sign he was aware, and making only one decision—that being wait and see—Johnny allowed sleep to pull him under once more.
Roy saw all the signs that his partner was waking up—the lighter respirations, the eye movement under the thin lids, the slight shifting of Johnny's body—and his own breath quickened. He continued the bath and changed the sheets, his words of comfort softly spoken as he did. Once more he tried to tell his friend how he really felt. "Johnny, I want you to know how sorry I am. It was never you, you didn't do anything wrong. I was the screw up, it was all in my own head, Jenny's injury really threw me and I got this crazy idea that if I controlled everything, it would never happen again. I'm sorry about the way I treated you. I'm sorry my little god-act hurt you. I understand if you can never forgive me but please, please know that I will do everything I can to help you."
He stopped, his throat feeling thick. There had been no reaction from the figure on the bed, no sign Johnny even heard but Roy had to say this. "I know that right now you probably can't understand me. Maybe you don't want to understand me and for that I won't . . . can't . . blame you. You have every right to tell me to get the hell outta your life. And I will keep telling you this until you can understand me." He gave a faint chuckle as he acknowledged, "Even if you do tell me to get the hell out." He reached out a hand, laying it gently on Johnny's shaggy head, "But please partner, please, more that anything else, get better. I don't want anything from you, don't deserve anything after what I've done. But, you must get better."
Roy watched, silent now as Johnny's respirations deepened once more and he knew his friend was again asleep. With a sigh echoing from his own hurting soul, Roy retook his place in the seat by the bed. It was there that his wife found him a couple hours later. She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and he reached up to place his hand over hers, giving it a slight squeeze.
"He's still sleeping," She murmured. Roy nodded. "That's best for him right now." He motioned to the pad of paper. "His temp is still coming down, 101 on the dot now. I washed him and changed the sheets." He gave a faint grin, "I think he liked that."
Jo patted his shoulder, "I'm sure he did."
Roy nodded, "He hasn't had any Tylenol or his meds since earlier this morning. When he wakes, we'll have to get him to take them and try to get more fluids as well as some food into him. He'll need fluids after all that sweating."
Jo nodded and kissed the top of her husband's thinning head of hair. "Go take a nap. I'll watch over him now. I have some broth in the freeze, I'll heat that up if he wakes."
Without any argument, Roy conceded and made his weary way toward his own bed.
Once Jo was sure her husband had headed off, and Johnny was still sleeping, she went into the kitchen. She pulled the container of broth from the freezer and placed it in a sauce pan on the stove. She turned the eye onto low to allow it to melt and warm up. Then she poured herself a glass of tea before walking back into the sunroom. She settled herself into the chair, sipping her tea and looking out the window.
She watched as birds flew to and from the birdfeeder that Chris and Johnny had made and placed near the window so she could watch the birds while she sewed. Without thinking she began talking in a soft voice, "It's a beautiful day out today, Johnny. The birds have really been busy at the feeder. I guess before nightfall I'll have to have Roy refill it." She looked up into the blue sky. "It's a perfect day for being outside, it's not too hot yet but it's nicely warm. It'll be a great weekend for Chris's first days at camp."
The squeak of the bedsprings alerted her and she turned her attention to the bedridden figure. Brown eyes blinked lazily at her. She smiled in greeting.
"Hi Johnny. I didn't mean to wake you, I know you need the sleep." She placed her glass on the table and picked up the jello water. She placed the straw on his lips, saying, "Here Johnny. You need to drink. You sweated an awful lot and you don't need to get dehydrated."
He drank, his eyes never moving from her face. After a few moments, he pulled slightly back. "Johnny? Do you need to go . . .?" She nodded her head toward the hallway. He looked confused for a instant then shook his head. She frowned, "Are you sure? You haven't been in several hours. I can help you or if you'd rather I'm sure Roy would."
Johnny again shook his head. Jo sighed, "Well, I have your medicines here, can you take them?"
He moved to try to sit up more but failed in the attempt. Immediately she helped him to sit up, bracing him with more pillows from the stack nearby. She grabbed the pills, moving to place them into his hand but instead he merely opened his mouth. She keep a straight face as she plopped the pills within then offered the straw again. She didn't want him to see how it worried her that he was so weak. He swallowed the pills, drank more then pulled away again, letting the straw pull from his mouth, silently signaling he was finished. This time she did frown. 'Why isn't he talking? He talked yesterday. He talked last night.' she worried. "He's too silent. I don't think I like a silent Johnny.'
She noticed that ever since she faced him, his eyes had never left hers. She smiled now and was faintly relieved to see one corner of his mouth slightly raise in reply. She reached out and smoothed back his hair from his forehead. It was a motherly/sisterly gesture and just felt right. She saw his lips move upward again. "Johnny, you need to eat something. I've got some nice pork broth heated up. I was going to make some of my vegetable soup with it. Would you like some?" He hesitated and she continued, "Johnny, you need to eat. Your body needs to be nourished, you know how important that is. Please? For me?"
He blinked at her then slowly gave a nod. She smiled brightly and patted his shoulder, "Good. I'll go get it. You stay right here." He nodded again and leaned back heavily into the pillows.
She hurried to the kitchen, took the broth and after checking that it was warmed but not too hot, she hesitated at the counter. With a quick nod, she decided and poured the contents into a mug. She grabbed a few crackers and hurried back into the room.
"Here we go, Johnny." She said as she entered. She saw as she did that Johnny had been staring out the same window she had been earlier but now he slowly turned his head back toward her. She sat in the chair and placed the mug against his lips. They parted and she carefully tilted the cup, watching as he sipped the warm brew.
"That's right. Smells good, doesn't it? It's from a roast I made and I tell you the meat was so good, I knew the drippings would make good soup." She chatted happily to him as he took several sips, his eyes again focused on her. It wasn't long though before he closed his mouth and slightly turned his head.
"That wasn't much, Johnny," she couldn't keep the disappointment from her voice. "Are you sure you can't take a little more?"
He shook his head and sighed. She took the mug and placed it on the table. "How about some crackers?"
Again he shook his head.
"Well, ok. I'll keep it warmed and maybe you can have some in a little while." She put the mug on the table next to the jello water. When she looked back, Johnny's eyes were closed and his head had lolled to the side. She tucked the sheet carefully around him, stopping to smooth it over his bare chest. "oh Johnny," she murmured, "I wish there was more I could do for you."
The fingers on his left hand rose slightly and she placed her hand over his, felt a brief tightening of his fingers on hers then they relaxed once more. She sat that way for quite awhile, her hand holding his.
The next time Johnny woke, she took his temp. "Still 101, Johnny." she told him as she marked the pad. She offered him more broth and he managed to get nearly a third of the mug down before he pulled away. She offered him the jello water next and he took a few sips then his eyes sleepily closed once more.
This routine repeated twice more, Jo managing to get nearly the entire mug into Johnny and a half a glass of jello water. She knew it wasn't nearly what he needed but it was more than he had had. By now the sun was no longer coming in through the window and a glance at her watch told her it was now nearly 1:30. Just as she was wondering about her husband, she heard the sound of his feet coming down the stairs. She looked toward the door and smiled at him as he stopped in the doorway. She rose and met him there, glancing back at their friend lying in the bed.
"How's he doing?" Roy asked, worry clearly showing in his blue eyes.
"I got him to eat almost a full mug of broth but he wouldn't take any crackers. I gave him his meds about 2 hours ago. He drank more jello water but that's all. His temp is still 101." She gave her report. Roy sighed, shaking his head. "Has he been . . .?
Now Jo shook her head. Roy frowned, "He's not getting enough fluids." Jo nodded, then shrugged her shoulders, "I know but what can we do?"
Roy's mouth set in a line. "I know what I'm going to do. I'm going over to Rampart and talk to Brackett. Maybe he can sign out an order for an IV. Or admit him."
Jo sighed, "He didn't want to be in the hospital, Roy, that's why I brought him here."
Now Roy sighed, "I know. But I'm worried about that fever and his lack of intake and his not eating. At least there they can give his something."
Jo bit her lip and Roy looked at her closely, "What? Jo, what?"
Jo shrugged again, "I don't know, it might not be anything but . . ." She looked up into her husband's face, his eyes echoing the worry she felt, "He hasn't said anything. Not one word at any time he's been awake. He kinda smiled at me but he didn't even try to speak."
Roy pulled her into a hug, and her next words came out muffled as she said them into his chest. "It's just not natural, Roy. A silent, still Johnny just isn't right."
He nodded and kissed the top of her head. "I know. I'm worried myself." He murmured.
Unknown to both DeSoto's Johnny was awake and his improved hearing at work. But he still held to his earlier decision of 'wait and see.'
After several long moments, Roy kissed his wife again and spoke. "I'm gonna run over to Johnny's place and make sure someone is taking care of his animals. I know he'll be worried about that. Then I'm going over to Rampart and talk to Brackett. I'll see you in a few hours. I don't know how long I'll be at Johnny's. If no one has taken care of the horses, yet, well . . .?"
Jo nodded. "Alright. I'll see you when you get back." She looked at her watch again, "Joyce is supposed to be bringing Jenny back around 6 tonight. I figured we'd have Chicken ala King tonight. Jenny loves it and it should be gentle enough we might get Johnny to eat some."
As the couple made their plans and said their good-byes, Johnny thought to himself. 'Roy's going voluntarily to take care of my animals? But he doesn't like mucking stalls . . . and PQ hates him.' He let those thoughts brew even as he fell back asleep.
Roy was having much the same thoughts a little less then an hour later as he pulled into Johnny's driveway and exited his car. The first thing he noticed was that both horses were in the pasture and the barn door was open. The second thing he noticed was the dog standing in front of his with its head down and its hackles up.
"Ummmm, nice doggy, good doggy. I'm not here to hurt anyone." Roy was so concentrated on the dog before him the voice startled him badly as it demanded, "Can I help you with something?" He turned to see a broad shouldered man standing not two feet from him, his stance wary. Piercing blue eyes looked him quickly over from head to toe and before he could reply, the man's stance relaxed. "You're one of Johnny's friends. I've seen you around here before." He stuck a calloused hand out. "I'm Bud Spenser. I live just down the way."
Roy nodded as he shook hands, "Roy DeSoto, Johnny's partner. You're the one who owns Sofie." He nodded to the chestnut filly in the pasture along with Johnny's paint.
Bud nodded, "Yeap." He looked down at the dog who was still on alert, but reaching out to sniff at Roy's clothes. "Tezi, settle." He commanded. The dog ignored him as he sniffed fully up to Roy's hands, a low growl now being voiced. Bud reached out and grabbed the dog by the collar, jerking him back and into a sit. "Settle!" he commanded again and this time the dog dropped to all fours, but his odd eyed gaze held firm on the stranger. Bud gave Roy an apologetic shrug. "Johnny just got him a few weeks ago. He's still a pup really. Listens real good to Johnny and my girl but he likes to push me."
As Roy looked at the dog, he realized this must have been the stray Johnny had told them about hanging around the house, the one Jenny was trying to feed when she had her . . ."
Bud was still talking. "I've been worried about Johnny. I haven't seen him in two days. He wasn't lookin' so good when he came home from the hospital. Did they put him back in?"
Roy shook his head, "No. Johnny's at my house. He's got a bit of an infection and he didn't want to stay in the hospital so we're nursing him there." He pointed at the dog. "He probably smells Johnny on me."
Bud nodded, "That's probably it." He then went on to ask more questions about Johnny which Roy answered. The two men talked as Bud completed the work he'd begun in the barn. Roy watched this older man who seemed so familiar to his friend's house and finally had to ask. "So, you met Johnny when he moved out here?"
To his surprise the big man grinned and shook his head, "Nope. I've known Johnny for years," He commented, "I was engineer on the truck Johnny was a boot on."
Roy blinked in his surprise. "Johnny never told me that." Bud nodded as he finished refilling the feed bin and placed the empty sack in its proper place. Dusting off his hands, he walked back over to Roy. Roy looked off toward the house and lifted the empty bag in his hand. "I . . . uh . . .came over to get some of his stuff, you know, his kit, changes of clothes, that sorta thing."
Bud nodded and motioned toward the house, "I gotta put this mail in on his table." The two walked into the house and Roy quickly gathered the needed items and walked back out just as Bud was exiting. Roy glanced at the man and started again, "So, you knew Johnny as a boot."
Bud nodded, "Yeap. He's changed a lot from those days."
Now Roy was curious, and encouraged the man with his, "Oh?"
"Yeap. He had it pretty tough back then. Not only was he so young – and looked it, poor kid—but he was the first minority in that station. He took a lot of abuse, if you know what I mean." He shook his head at the memories "And scrawny. You wouldn't believe how. I was afraid to open the line wide whenever he was on it, sure it would take off with him." He grinned, "My wife took one look at him and cried. She vowed right then and there that she was gonna fatten him up." He chuckled, "She sure tried but no matter how much he ate—and that boy could pack it away—he never gained weight.' He looked up at Roy. "She's gonna wanna send over food for him. Your wife gonna mind?"
Roy smiled and shook his head, "Where feeding Johnny is concerned, we'll take all the help we can get."
Bud frowned and gave a curt nod, "Yeah. I saw how thin he got again. That boy goes off his feed for one day and drops weight immediately."
Roy looked down but didn't comment.
Bud squinted his eyes as he got lost in his memories. "Johnny's changed, like I said. I lost track of him over the last few years after my forced retirement." He slapped at his leg. Roy had noticed the limp and nodded in understanding.
"I'd heard he put in for the paramedic program. After that he came over to our other place once or twice, we exchanged cards at Christmas and stuff but didn't see each other much. Then I bought my place." He pointed back over his shoulder. "We were here for about a year when we noticed this place had been finally sold." He grinned in memory, "and boy was I surprised to meet the new owner."
Roy grinned as well. "Johnny."
Bud grinned, his eyes twinkling, "Yeap. And boy had he changed in those three years. He was brighter, more talkative and his energy . . ." He shook his head, "He always had a lot before but it was a kinda skittish energy, like a colt ready to bolt from his own shadow. But when we saw him again he was like a colt turned loose into a green pasture, ready to race in the sun and just enjoy life." He paused as he said it, then nodded, "Yeah, like he was enjoying life."
Roy made a pained face. He knew Johnny had bought the ranch only a year previously and he suspected it was life at 51's that had made the changes Bud had seen as much as the completion of the dream of owning his own place.
Bud continued on, unaware of Roy's thoughts. "He told me all about the paramedics and his training and his working with you." Bud nodded, "A good program. Needed. I've seen some die I wondered if we coulda saved 'em if we coulda done somethin' earlier."
He looked back over at Roy, "And I bet he's good at it."
Roy immediately answered, "One of the best."
Bud nodded, "I figured. That boy don't do anything by half. For him it's all or nothing'"
Bud looked up at the sun, squinting as he said, "Well, I'd best head back home. I'll tell Mary about Johnny. I know she'll wanna fix him something right away."
"Hold on a second," Roy placed the bag of Johnny's effects into his car then pulled out a pad of paper. He quickly scribbled down his name, number and address then handed it to Bud. "Here. Just give a call first. I'd hate for you to make the trip and we not be home for some reason." Bud nodded, folded the paper and stick it into his front pocket. Then he paused and reached out a hand back to Roy. "I'd better let you know ours as well." Roy handed the pad over and soon it was handed back with Bud's writing on it. "If you need anything, if Johnny needs anything, please, give us a call." Bud's eyes held the sincerity of his words. Roy extended his hand and Bud eagerly shook it.
"We will. Thanks."
Bud nodded, "You tell Johnny not to worry about anything here. Lisa and I will take care of everything. Tell him just to concentrate on getting better."
Roy climbed into his car and shut the door. "I will. And I know Johnny will feel better knowing you're taking care of things."
Bud leaned on the window as he grinned again, "He's a good kid, always was, and a good neighbor. This is just our time to get ta pay him back for all the things he's done for us." That said he slapped the car door and turned toward his own car. Roy watched him climb in then followed him out of Johnny's driveway. Bud turned right, tooting his horn as he headed toward his house and Roy turned left headed back out to the main road.
The hallway of Rampart's ER was currently fairly empty, only a few nurses bustled about going on their separate tasks as Head Nurse Dixie McCall leaned back over her charts with a sigh. Out of the corner of her eyes, Dixie caught sight of a tall figure who had been walking slowly down the hallway and now stopped. She immediately recognized the person and watched covertly as his shoulders heaved in a great sigh then he hesitantly started forward once more. She kept her head down, her attention seemingly on the chart before her as he approached her. Several heartbeats passed as he halted in front of her desk then shifted nervously from one foot to another. At his soft, "Hi Dixie." she slowly raised her head and looked at him, her face carefully expressionless.
"Hello Roy. I heard you were in here yesterday." She nodded toward his bandaged arm. He glanced at it and nodded. "Yeah. I . . .uh was." An awkward pause then, "I . . .missed you yesterday."
"I was otherwise occupied." She stated blandly. He nodded and sighed. "Yeah, I know. I heard you helped Jo bring Johnny over." She didn't comment.
Another awkward pause and another sigh. "Listen Dixie, I'm sorry."
She raised an eyebrow at that but still made no comment. 'She's not going to make this in any way easy for me,' Roy mused. 'Well, I can't say I blame her. That's the least I deserve.' "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting for the last few weeks. I've been a real ass." once he started, the words rushed forth. "I've already apologized to Cap and all the guys and I'm on my way to talk with Dr. Brackett if he's in but I wanted to tell you how sorry I was too."
She nodded now but her gaze remained neutral. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to, Roy."
He sighed again and picked at his wrapped hand. "I know. I've already tried to talk with him but I don't think he really heard me." He looked up at her then and she was pleased to see the determination on his face. "But I'm not gonna stop. I'm gonna keep trying until he does hear me. I owe him that." His head dropped again, "That and a hellofa lot more."
Silence reigned. Then Roy sighed again. "This isn't easy." He mumbled.
Dixie raised an elegant brow, "It shouldn't be, Roy DeSoto."
He nodded, his head down again. "I wish I could just go back and undo all that happened, but . . ." He raised his head and looked her in the eye. "He may never forgive me and I . . . I have to accept . . . I have accepted that."
"You hurt him—badly." she accused and he nodded. "I know. And I know he may want nothing to do with me ever again." He sighed, "And if that's the case, I'll respect his wishes. But right now I'm more concerned on getting him back on his feet."
Again silence then Dixie asked, "How is he?"
Roy sighed and gave a faint shrug. "Not so good. That's one of the reasons I want to see Dr. Brackett. I mean, I need to apologize but more importantly, I need to let him know about Johnny."
Dixie pointed down the hall. "Kel's in his office." Roy nodded and raised his hand then dropped it back to his side, whatever he was going to say dying off unspoken. He turned and took two steps in that direction before her voice stopped him.
"Roy."
He turned to see a gentle smile now on her face. "I think you're finally on the right track. Don't give up on him."
Dixie was pleased to see the look of purpose on his face and hear the steel in his voice as he replied, "Never. I'll never give up on him, no matter how long it takes."
Kelly Brackett was in the middle of dictation when a light tap sounded on his door. He stopped the tape machine. closed the file in front of him and called out, "Come in."
To his surprise when the door opened, the face that peered in at him was one of his paramedics. He stood up, motioning as he said, "Roy! Come in sit down."
"Uhhh, If you're not busy right now Doc, I uh…." Roy felt tongue-tied and made a feeble gesture with his hand.
"No, not busy at all." The dark haired doctor assured him, "Just trying to catch up on some paperwork."
He motioned toward the chair in front of his desk and once the man perched on the edge of it, he walked around and sat on the edge of his desk. "I heard about your hand." He motioned toward the bandages and Roy raised said hand and nodded, "Yeah,"
Silence.
"Is there something wrong with it? Do you need to be looked at?" Brackett tried to guess what was going on.
Roy looked at his hand and shook his head, "No, no it's just fine. Uhhh, I mean that's not why I came in."
Brackett waited a few more moments before he crossed his arms across his chest and asked, "Well then why did you come in?"
Roy took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh, "Doc, I'm just gonna blurt it all out here. "I have two reasons for comin' in here today. First. . . First I want to apologize for the way I've acted over these last three weeks. I know that you sent Kent to train with me . . . Johnny and me, and I screwed that up. Don't blame Kent and please, definitely don't blame Johnny. He really did try to give Kent the same kind of training we have others but I . . . I wouldn't let him."
He sighed and ran his hand trough his hair, pausing with it on the back of his neck. Then he raised his head and looked straight into his boss's eyes. "It's all my fault. I got a wild notion in my head that if I was control of everything then something like what happened to Jenny wouldn't ever happen again." He raised his hands in a helpless gesture. "I was wrong, dead wrong and both Kent and Johnny paid the price, . ." He paused as he swallowed hard, his voice softer, "Mostly Johnny."
He sat back down again, his shoulders hunched as he finished with, "I think it would be best if you pulled me from the training program. I'm not fit to teach anyone anything."
"Well, now Roy, let's not be too hasty. I will admit I'm disappointed in your actions." The doctor regarded his paramedic.
Roy nodded, "Yeah, well, that makes two of us."
"Now let me finish. I'm disappointed in your actions because the reason I send so many to train with you and Johnny is because of the team you two make. That being said, I'll say this. You are human and humans make mistakes. The best thing you can do is face the mistake and learn from it." He smiled crookedly, "Even doctors make mistakes. Roy."
At that Roy looked at him, puzzled. "I uh… didn't check as thoroughly into exactly what kind of training Kent had there in San Diego. But that has been corrected and now we have a plan in place for any others who come into the program from elsewhere. As far as Kent goes, well, I want him to take a equivalency exam, to see what his strong points and weak points are and then follow up with a refresher course. I think then he'll do just fine." Brackett smiled at his friend.
"I'd be glad to help him," Roy offered, spreading his hands out, "in studying or . . or whatever."
"I'd rather see you and Johnny help him, Roy." The doctor said as he laid a hand on Roy's shoulder. Roy looked down. "I'm not so sure Johnny will ever work with me again after what I've done." He lamented.
"Don't give up yet, Roy. I haven't. On either one of you." He slapped the man's shoulder and got a half-hearted grin in reaction.
Roy straightened up. "Doc, that brings me to the second part. It's . . . it's about Johnny."
Now Brackett's eyebrows went up as he asked, "Oh?"
Roy nodded and proceeded to report on his partner's night and current behavior as well as his progress. Brackett picked up a pencil and tapped the eraser on his lip as he considered his paramedic's report. "I agree with you, Roy. I'm worried about dehydration as well." He turned and grabbed a pad and began scribbling on it. "I want you to start an IV on him, let's get some more fluids into him and see if that helps. By all means, keep trying to get him to eat, whatever he wants or whatever his stomach can tolerate. I think I'll stop by if you don't mind and take a look at him myself."
"So you don't think we should bring him in? You think it's alright for him to stay there?" Roy looked unsure as he glanced at the paper he'd been handled.
Brackett placed his hand on his paramedic's shoulder as he followed him through the door. "Roy, I think Johnny is getting all the treatment he needs right where he is, he might even be getting better treatment right now at your place." At his confused look, Brackett smiled. "We've been hit with a rash of summer flu, half the nursing staff are out. And to tell you the truth, I'd rather Johnny not even be exposed to this. No, Roy, he's better off with you."
"We know you'll take good care of him." Dix added and Roy was surprised to find her right behind him. She took the paper from his hand and told him, "You just wait here and I'll get these for you."
Before long, Dix returned with a box filled with supplies. She handed it to Roy with a smile. "Here you go, Roy. Kel said to tell you he'll try to stop by sometime this evening but since we're both pulling a double, it'll probably be tomorrow before he can get out there."
Roy hefted the box and gave her a smile. "Ok, Dix." He turned to go and she called out, "Roy?"
He turned, his eyebrows raised in question. She smiled, "I'm happy to see you back."
He smiled, "I'm happy to be back." But his eyes dimmed as he added, "I'll be even happier when my partner is back as well." Then he turned and left. The nurse watched until he disappeared around the corner, then sighed, "From your lips to God's ears, Roy. May it be." She murmured a heart-felt prayer for both her friends.