OK, to continue with my train metaphor, last chapter we got Roy onto the right track, now this chapter we get Johnny headed the right way. Pretty soon, we should get them finally at some destination together...right??

Thanks for the continued feedback and support. We are really getting close now....

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Once Roy opened the door and walked into his house, his wife immediately came out of the sunroom to meet him. "How is he?" Roy's voice rang with worry.

Jo shrugged, "The same. I got him to drink a little more and he ate a couple crackers but his temp is still about 101."

Roy sighed then hefted the box he held. "Brackett approved an IV. He agreed that dehydration might be causing some of this lethargy. He's planning on coming out tomorrow and checking Johnny over himself.'

Jo nodded and glanced at her watch. "I'd better get started on dinner. Jenny and Joyce will be here any time."

"I'm gonna start him on this," Roy headed down the hallway. As he entered the sunroom, he looked his partner over carefully but couldn't see any change from when he'd seen him last. Johnny had his eyes closed, his head tilted slightly to the side as if he'd fallen asleep while looking out the window. Roy checked the notes and nodded at the information his wife had recorded. He placed the box in the chair and moved closer to the bed. He placed his hand on the sleeping man's shoulder and gently shook him. "Johnny? Johnny, can you hear me?"

He waited a few moments as Johnny's head moved slightly then his eyes cracked open and he turned slowly toward Roy. Roy held up an IV setup then gave a faint grin as he saw Johnny sigh. "Sorry partner. Brackett's afraid you're getting low on fluids so he ordered an IV to go." Roy began inspecting Johnny's arms, trying to find a site for the insertion. His frown deepened as he realized the extent of damage to his friend's arms and the lack of good sites. "Where can I stick you?" he murmured, his voice resounding his distress, "You're just one massive wound." Roy looked at his partner's face, saw his eyes open and watching him. As he looked into those brown eyes he saw a flash of …something …then Johnny slightly shifted his head, deliberately extending his neck.

Roy immediately understood but felt a cold rush down his spine as he shook his head. "Ahhh, Johnny." He shook his head harder, "no. I . . .no, I don't want . . .not there." He knew it was an option, a logical one at that if dehydration had made other sites unusable, but every fiber in him revolted at the thought.

Johnny only flexed his neck again then angled his head so he again looked Roy in the eye. The look in those blue eyes made him blink in surprise. 'Wha..? He's upset! Really upset!' Johnny wondered. "Why? If it's needed so bad he got Brackett to OK it then why should it matter where?'

Roy shook his head slowly, "No, Johnny, not there. Only as a last option." He bent his head closer, intent on finding another site, anywhere but . . . He didn't know why the thought of starting an IV in Johnny's jugular vein was so upsetting. Yeah, it could be a tricky site but he'd done it before on victims. Just not on him, not on . . . "Here." He palpitated the area he'd found on the backside of Johnny's arm safely above the bandages. "I'll try here. Ok now Johnny, you know the drill."

He swabbed down the area and readied the needle. "Little stick," he muttered instinctively and felt Johnny's arm tense in his. He sent a quick prayer up, 'Please, please let me get it easy.' He held his breath and pushed the needle under the skin. "Damn!" he felt the vein roll away. He pulled the needle back, trying hard to ignore the intake of breath from the ill man and advanced the needle again. This time he made contact and the chamber flashed with red. Quickly he completed the setup and finally taped it all down. He attached the bag to the pole he'd previously attached to the bed frame and adjusted the flow, making sure it was running properly. He smiled at Johnny as he placed the now IV pierced arm by his side, "There you go. Now you just lay there and enjoy your D5W."

Roy's spirits rose in hope as Johnny rolled his eyes slightly at that then returned his gaze out the window. Roy felt compelled to talk with his injured partner seeing as how he seemed to be fairly alert and listening right now. "Johnny, I need to tell you somethings." He sat down and moved closer.

Johnny heard the trepidation on Roy's voice and guessed what was to come. However, he kept his gaze on the window and made no outward signs of acknowledgment.

"I've said it before and I'm gonna keep on saying it until you tell me to shut up." Roy waited briefly but Johnny made no signs, no moves, nothing. He continued. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I put you through. I'm sorry I was such an ass to you. I'm sorry I hurt you."

In Johnny's head he heard echoed again, 'You're sorry. You're sorry. That's all you seem capable of lately, saying you're sorry. Well I admit, you are sorry. As sorry a piece of work as I've ever seen.' He winced.

Roy saw the wince and moved closer still, his hand going to Johnny's upper arm.

"I . . . I won't try to make excuses because really, there is no excuse for the way I acted."

Now Johnny focused on him, but his thoughts stayed his own, no emotion showed on his face or in his brown eyes.

"There's no excuse for the way I was behaving and there's no excuse for the way I was treating everyone, " Roy ducked his head briefly. "Especially how I treated you." Then he took a deep breath and moved so he looked his partner straight in the eye. "I hurt you. I know that. And no matter what I say now, that will not change."

'Well, you got that right at least, Pally' Johnny felt emotion flood him for the first real time in nearly two weeks and to his surprise, it was anger.

"The one thing I can do now, Johnny, is prove to you how wrong I was."

'Oh really? How?' The anger was fading, to be replaced by the same apathy that had held him over the last week. He welcomed the numbness, it protected him, insulated him from anything—everything.

"Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I'll get it, or do it or . . .or what ever."

'Well, That's big of ya. Considering right now I can't do much for myself, you kinda got me captive.'

"Johnny, please. Let me help you get better. Then . . .then after all this is over, if . . .if you to leave or want me to leave or just want me the hell out of your life, I'll . . .I'll do it." Roy saw something more flash in those brown eyes then was gone and no emotion, no expression, nothing showing that Johnny heard or even understood remained in his now vacant stare. Roy sighed heavily and patted his partner's arm. "Try to sleep, Johnny. You're still running a fever." With that, Roy checked the drip on the IV and made sure the tubing was free and when he turned back to Johnny, Johnny's eyes were closed and his respirations had deepened into sleep.

Roy sat there, just staring at his friend . . . could he still call him friend?? Roy sighed, afraid deep down he had lost that right. The look Johnny had given him, it was so . .so . ..devoid of life, so empty of all he'd become used to seeing in his friend's eyes. Roy scrubbed at his face with one hand, his own heart feeling heavy with loss. Then the smell of coffee wafted its way into the room. With one last look at the sleeping man, Roy walked wearily off in search of a cup.

Jo looked up at him as he entered the kitchen. She poured a cup and handed it to him as he sank into a chair. "How's Johnny?"

Roy made a faint motion with one hand, "The same. He was awake when I set the IV. I . ..uh . .tried to talk with him." He looked up, the sorrow in his eyes made Jo blink tears from hers. "I think he could hear me, Jo, I just don't think he wanted to 'hear' me." He slumped further in the chair. His wife laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Give him time, Roy. I'm sure the fever is taking a toll on him as well as everything else." Roy sipped the coffee and didn't answer her.

Finally she turned from him, checking in the oven. "Well, dinner will be ready anytime."

A knock on the door interrupted her and she looked up at the clock. "I bet that's Joyce now. Can you go ahead and set the table for me? I've got a salad already made in the fridge."

Roy nodded and got up to do just that while Jo headed toward the front door. He heard his sister-in-law's voice and Jo answering her then his daughter's happy tones. Next thing he knew, his legs were being squeezed. "Daddy! I'm so happy to see you!" Jenny gushed as she hugged her father.

Roy bent down and scooped the child up, a smile of greeting on his face, "Well hello there pretty lady! And how was your trip?"

Jenny giggled, "It was great! Joyce and Julie and I had fun! We painted our nails, see!" She shoved her hands into her father's face and he blinked and tried to pull his head back to see but she was already on to her next subject. "And we curled our hair and we slept in the living room and ate popcorn in front of the TV and we went shopping and I got a new outfit for my barbie and . . ."

"Whoa! Whoa, slow down!" Roy chuckled as he kissed his daughter's cheek. "Daddy's trying to set the table right now. Mommy has dinner ready so why don't you go wash up. Then you can tell me all about your trip. Ok?"

"Ok!" She agreed and squirmed to get down. He placed her on her feet, gave her a pat on the rump to which she turned around and reprimanded, "Daddy!" and he laughed. In the other room he heard Joyce holler, "Bye Roy! Sorry I gotta go. Denny's expecting me home before supper."

Roy raised his voice in answer as he stepped over to the entrance and waved at where his sister-in-law stood in the open front doorway, "Bye Joyce and tell Julie and Dennis I said Hi. Drive careful." As he turned back to setting the table, he heard his wife telling her sister good-bye and the front door closing. He reached for the bowls in the cupboard as he heard his wife call out, "Jenny? Come put your bag in your room."

The next sound he heard was his daughter's delighted squeal of, "Uncle Johnny!" Roy's head came up with a jerk, "God! Johnny!" he didn't even see the bowl crash from the edge of the sink as he ran.

Still on the stairs Jo heard the happy call and her eyes went wide as she hollered her daughter's name, "Jenny, don't! Jenny!" She rushed down the hallway, nearly colliding with Roy who beat her to the door to the sunroom then abruptly stopped, frozen by the sight before him. Jo crowded beside him, peering into the room. She put her hand to her mouth as she uttered, "Oh no." Her breath caught in a gasp as her eyes rapidly took in the figure in the bed, then the little girl in tears by his side.

Oblivious to the audience she had at the door, Jenny continued frantically kissing her hands as her voice hiccupped with sobs. "Don't worry, Uncle (hic) Johnny. I'll kiss all your boo (hic)-boos away, just like Mommy and (hic) Daddy and (hic) you do mine." She then proceeded to touch the hand holding the "kisses" on each visible mark on his arms, chest and neck.

Glassy brown eyes watched with seemingly little interest as the child replenished her kisses to complete her task. Then carefully she climbed up on the bed. "Jenny, don't . ." Roy started forward but his wife's firm hand on his shoulder halted him. "No, Roy."

He settled back and watched as Jenny carefully leaned over and delicately kissed each cut and stitched area on Johnny's face. Then she pulled back slightly, her tears dripping down onto Johnny's chest as she stared in his eyes.

"Don't worry, Uncle Johnny. (hic) Mommy, Daddy and I will make you all better. (hic) I'll take good care of you just like (hic) you took good care of me when I hurt (hic) my hand." She looked at his cast hands and touched them gently with one finger. Then she leaned forward again and kissed him softly on each eyelid. "That's so you have (hic) good dreams. You sleep now. Mommy says sleep (hic) makes you get better faster."

He blinked slowly at her, then gave a faint nod. "Thank you." His voice was barely audible but clear enough for her to hear. Then, after giving a great sigh, his eyes closed. Jenny cautiously wrapped her slender arms back around his shoulders and settled her head under his chin, her breath still punctuated with hiccupping sobs.

"Jenny, come here." Roy softly called. Jenny looked up, finally noticing her parents in the doorway. With a heart wrenching sob, she faced her parents, her arms still wrapped around the neck of her favorite uncle as best she could get them. "Oh Mommy, Daddy! Uncle (hic) Johnny has nasty owies all over him!"

"Yes, honey we know." Roy came forward now, his hand reaching for Johnny's neck to get a pulse even as Jo lifted her daughter carefully from the paramedic's bed. Satisfied for now, Roy checked the still running drip of the IV then motioned for Jo to proceed him. He pulled the pocket door partially closed as the family left the room.

It was a very subdued supper the three shared. Neither parent really knew what to say and so remained silent, waiting for their daughter to take the lead. Finally, after several moments of separating the peas and carrots from her chicken and pushing them all around her plate, Jenny looked up. "Daddy?"

"Yes, Honey?" Roy answered immediately.

"Did Uncle Johnny get hurt at work?"

"Yes, honey. he did."

Jenny looked back down at her plate. "Oh."

Silence.

Then . . . .

"Did you take care of him?"

Jo looked up and caught the flash of pained guilt in her husband's eyes and reached out her hand, placing it over his. Roy squeezed her hand as he answered his daughter truthfully. "No honey, I didn't."

"Daddy was at the hospital with another person when Uncle Johnny got hurt." Jo explained. "There were other paramedics there who took care of him."

Jenny looked back up at her father, her blue eyes swimming in tears. "But you're taking care of him now, right?"

Roy smiled and stroked his daughter's cheek. "Yes honey, both your Mommy and I are taking care of him now."

Suddenly she smiled and all signs of tears vanished as she said, "Yes, we'll all take good care of him and soon he'll be all better! I'll be a big help. I'll bring him food and water to drink and maybe some ice cream. Mommy, do we have any scutterbotch syrup and chocolate ice cream? That's Uncle Johnny's favorite. And I'll read to him and . . . " The two parents exchanged smiles at the young girl's planning. Suddenly she stopped and looked hard at her father. She pulled her lip into her mouth and bit it, an action she'd inherited from him, and fear filled her eyes. "Uncle Johnny will be alright, right Daddy?'

Roy pulled the little girl into his arms and hugged her close as he reassured her. "How can he not be, with all that you have planned for him?"

Jenny pulled back, all smiles once more. "Of course! 'Cause I'm a good nurse! As good as Ms. Dixie, right!"

"Definitely!" Roy kissed her cheek, "Now get back in your seat and finish your dinner." He looked up at his wife. "I'm gonna go and check the IV." She nodded and he left the table to the sound of his daughter's now happy babble.

The IV bag was nearly empty so Roy shut the value off, picked up a bandage from the supply by the bed and pulled the needle. He covered the puncture and lifted Johnny's arm up, holding pressure over the site as he looked in the dark haired man's face. Johnny had winced when Roy had lifted his arm but made no other move now.

Once he was satisfied the minor bleeding had stopped, Roy applied a small bandage over the site, replaced the arm by the young man's side and pulled the thermometer out of its holder. He wiped it with an alcohol swab, shook it down and placed it into Johnny's mouth, making sure it was under his tongue. Johnny made a face as the taste of the alcohol hit him but his eyes didn't open. After the prescribed three minutes, Roy removed it and rolled the thin glass tube into the light to read. "Still 101.2," he sighed, concerned that although low, the fever still held onto the other paramedic.

He sat in the seat, recording the time and temp then sat, staring at nothing. His thoughts were interrupted by Jenny's re-entrance into the sickroom. She carried a refilled glass with a straw in it, Mousie at her feet, and looked up at her father. "Mommy said to get you. Mr. Stanley is on the phone."

After a few moments of watching his daughter trying to interact with his partner, Roy stood, knowing he'd promised to keep the rest of his shift informed on Johnny. "Alright." He laid a hand on Johnny's shoulder but got no reaction. "I've gotta go talk to Cap. I promised to keep him informed. You know how he worries." Roy tried for humor but Johnny made no acknowledgement he'd heard. With another deep sigh, Roy left.

Roy knew his fellow shiftmembers had gotten off shift that morning, he'd talked with them before the shift changed. They would be back on shift in the morning and Cap would fill in the others then. Roy chuckled to himself as he reached for the phone, 'Yeah. Who'm I kidding. He'll probably call them as soon as I hang up. If they don't call him first.' But it gave him a warm glow to know the other member's of A-shift were just as concerned for the youngest member of their stationhouse as he was. 'More so' he amended, 'They didn't turn on him like I did.'

"Hello, Cap." Roy said into the receiver.

"Roy? I hope I didn't interrupt supper." Came his captain's voice.

"No" he assured him, "We'd finished."

"That's good."

Pause. Then.

"uh, listen. The reason I called . . ."

"Johnny's still running a temp of 101." Roy interrupted. "I talked to Brackett this afternoon and he authorized an IV to give him a boost after last night. He just finished it."

"Oh. That's good. So, how is he?"

Roy closed his eyes and scrubbed at his face. "'bout the same, Cap. He's been a little more alert but he hasn't said anything since early this morning." He didn't count the whispered thanks to Jenny. "Brackett said he's coming by tomorrow once he's off. He's gonna check Johnny over then."

"Brackett's going to come there? Is it that bad?" Cap's voice held alarm.

"I don't think so, Cap. I asked if we should bring him in and Brackett said he thought Johnny was better off here. Seems there's a bug going around Rampart."

"He's probably right." Cap agreed, "The last thing John needs right now is another illness on top of this infection."

A sigh came over the line, then, "Well, I'd better let you go. We're back on shift tomorrow and I promised everyone I'd call them after I talked with you. You'll keep us informed?"

Roy smiled, "You didn't even need to ask."

"Yeah I did. Take care of yourself, Roy, and take care of that partner of yours."

"I will, Cap. Safe shift. Bye."

"Bye." and there was a clink. Roy sighed again and hung up the phone. He wasn't sure if the call left him feeling better or worse. He went over to the coffee pot and poured himself a fresh cup of coffee. He stood in the kitchen sipping it as he watched the shadows lengthen in the back yard.

After several moments, Jo came into the room and smiled at him. "Jenny's in there getting Johnny to drink. I gave him his evening meds and thought I'd try to get him to eat something now."

Roy nodded then after hesitating told his wife, "Why don't I do that? I know it's getting late and Jenny probably needs her bath."

Jo placed a good portion of the chicken ala king on the plate before she turned and handed it to her husband, "Alright. Here." She stepped into the hall and raised her voice slightly, "Jenny? Come on now. Time to get ready for bed. We've got church in the morning."

To both parent's surprise, Jenny came out of the sunroom without any argument or words. She looked up briefly at her father, then ducked her head back down as she moved past him then her mother and slowly climbed the stairs. Roy looked at Jo who shared a look of confusion with him over their youngest action. "She's probably just tired. It's been a busy couple of days for her." Jo tried to reason.

Roy nodded, but the frown remained, "Yeah sure. That's probably it." He continued on to his partner while his wife shadowed their daughter.

He sat in the chair and looked at Johnny. As he sat, Johnny opened his eyes and looked at him. Roy suppressed a shudder at the vacant stare. He lifted the plate, "Jo made chicken ala king for supper. She thought you'd like some." When there was no reaction one way or another, Roy placed the plate on the table then putting his arm carefully behind his partner, lifted him slightly so he could place another pillow behind him. Once he had Johnny sitting up a little more, he again took up the plate.

Like he had for Jo earlier, Johnny didn't reach for the plate but just parted his lips, his mouth slightly open. Again Roy fought down his own reaction. Never before, in the times they had taken care of the dark haired man, had he displayed such weakness or apathy. Always before it was a fight to do things for him that physically he couldn't because of injury or illness. Even if both arms and both legs were hurt, Roy would've sworn his stubborn partner would've insisted, "I can do it myself, Roy." This lack of independence that was so much a part of his partner greatly concerned Roy.

Still he scooped some of the food up into the spoon and placed it before Johnny's mouth. Johnny accepted each bite, his gaze fixed downward. Roy felt troubled for his friend and spoke out of this, "Johnny, you know this won't be forever. Soon those casts will come off and you'll be back to doing everything for yourself again."

There was no reaction and Roy sighed and turned as silent as his patient. It became a routine. Roy placed the spoon to Johnny's mouth, Johnny opened and took it and Roy waited with another one while he chewed and swallowed. Only a small amount had been removed from the plate when Johnny turned his head, silently refusing anymore.

"Are you sure, Johnny? You barely ate anything." Roy coaxed. He lifted the spoon again but Johnny turned his head again, his mouth firmly closed. "Alright," Roy told him, "How about some dessert then? Jo made that jello one-two- three stuff you like so much." Johnny shook his head and gave a weary sigh. Roy stopped himself from echoing it. "More to drink?" Again Johnny shook his head and this time he closed his eyes, signaling his withdrawal. "Alright, Johnny, I'll leave you alone for now. But you know you need to eat more. You've lost too much weight now as it is." Johnny made no move or motion that he was listening. Roy watched him for several long moments then spoke again, "Johnny, I just want you to get better and you won't get better if you don't eat." He reached out and laid his hand on his partner's shoulder, "I'm worried about you."

To his surprise, Johnny's eyes opened and stared up at him, "Why?" he whispered. Roy blinked in surprise. "Why?" he repeated but Johnny only looked at him, his once expressive eyes blank.

Roy thought rapidly, feeling that what he said now could have a difference on both their futures. But he just wasn't sure what his partner meant! For the first time since they had become friends, Roy felt disconnected from Johnny. He'd gotten so used to usually knowing what partner was thinking and knowing his partner could do the same to him that he was thrown. In desperation he tried to get some clarification, "Why are you here? Or why am I doing this? Or what?"

Johnny looked at him for several more seconds then heaved a great sigh and turned his head back toward the window. Roy panicked, afraid he'd done the wrong thing so he just started speaking. "You're here because you need help and I'm here taking care of you because I'm your friend. I know I haven't acted like it lately but I never stopped caring about you. You have to believe that Johnny, for everything I was doing I never wanted you hurt and I never stopped caring about you. To me you're still my best friend but I know you may not feel that way about me anymore. But that won't change how I feel."

Johnny didn't move and his gaze stayed fixed out the window to the dark outside. Roy hung his head, in his heart he just knew he'd failed once again. Instinct made him place a gentle hand on Johnny's uninjured shoulder and apply faint pressure. "I do care, Johnny."

Nothing.

Finally with a sigh of his own, Roy stood, took the still mostly full plate and, shoulders slumped, left the room.

Johnny had heard the words his partner had said, more he'd watched the emotions in his pleading blue eyes. He knew Roy probably didn't know he was watching his partner's reflection in the window. It made him feel like he had an advantage, something he'd felt severely lacking lately. He recalled his earlier thoughts; was Roy only taking care of him because he was injured and Roy was a good paramedic? Or perhaps because Jo wanted him too? Now a new thought occurred; maybe, just maybe Roy had been truthful and it had all been a terrible misunderstanding—a nasty side trip in their friendship caused by misguided ego. It was a possibility Johnny knew he'd have to consider even if his heart was afraid.

Then his train of thought was interrupted by the heat of a hand on his shoulder. He heard Roy's whispered words, "I do care, Johnny." But more than what he heard, he saw the beginnings of tears in those blue eyes. He watched as Roy left the room looking like the weight of the world rested on him. A flash of emotion raced through the injured paramedic, 'Good! Let him feel a little of that uncertainty I've been feeling over the last few weeks!' Just as quickly as the thought occurred, Johnny was horrified and squashed it. He'd never felt pleasure in anyone else's pain before, no matter what, and he wouldn't start now! It scared him a little at the reawakening of his emotions and how varied and intense they were. With a sigh that echoed his departing partner, Johnny closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing mind.

As Roy carried the plate into the kitchen, Jo looked up from her place at the sink. She looked at the plate then into her husband's face, reading his feelings there. "He didn't eat much."

Roy scraped the remained of the food into the garbage as he replied, "No. He didn't. I tried to get him interested in dessert but he turned his head."

Jo nodded, taking the plate he handed her and washing it. Several long moments went by then Roy murmured, "Johnny . . . uh. . .spoke."

At that Jo raised her head and looked at him, silently waiting for him to go on. Roy stared at his shoes for several long seconds then took a breath. "He asked me, 'Why?"

"Why?" Jo frowned. "That's all? Just why?"

Roy nodded.

"Why what?" Then her eyes widened, "Oh no. 'Why' as in like he did last night?"

Roy stopped breathing, 'God. Was that it? Was that the 'why' he'd asked? Why are you doing this?' Roy closed his eyes and groaned. If that was the case, then he surely had messed everything up once more. To his concerned wife he only shrugged, "I don't know. That's all he said and when I tried to ask him more he just turned back to the window."

Jo placed a comforting, albeit soapy, hand on her husband's shoulder. They remained quietly together there for several moments, then Jo turned back to her washing up. "Jenny's upstairs waiting for you to say good night." She told him.

He gave a faint nod and headed off. Jo watched him until he disappeared around the corner of the stairway then closed her eyes, her thoughts in a silent prayer. 'Dear God, please! Help this family. Johnny isn't the only one wounded and in need of healing. Please touch us all with your curative power."

As Roy reached the top of the stairway he heard the sound of muffled sobs and followed it until he stood in front of his daughter's bedroom. From his angle in the hall, he could see Jenny on her bed, rocking back and forth as if in pain and clutching Mr. Snuffles, the stuffed dog Johnny gave her on her last birthday. Mousie looked up at him through squinted eyes from where she'd been licking away Jenny's tears where they'd fallen on her arm. "Hey, sweetheart." He called softly as he entered her room. She looked up at him with tear-filled eyes and sniffled, "'lo Daddy."

He sat on the edge of her bed and careful drew her into his arms. "Is something wrong? Did you have a fight with your mother?"

She shook her head no as she buried her teary face into his shirt. He didn't question anymore, just offered silent comfort. They sat there awhile then he asked, "Is there something Daddy can do to make it better?"

Jenny first nodded, then shook her head, then gave a soul rendering sigh as she shrugged. Roy just pulled her closer, confused himself on what he could do. Suddenly his thoughts scattered like bubbles in the wind as she asked in a quiet voice. "Where's Uncle Johnny gone?"

Roy froze for a moment. He'd just left Johnny when he heard the crying. Johnny couldn't have left; he would have seen him in the hall. Worried, he found himself asking, "What do you mean?"

Jenny pulled back and looked into her father's eyes, her own swollen and red. "I went in to take him some more juice like Mommy asked. He took it and thanked me." She hiccupped a sob as she shook her head, "But all he did was say thank you and he didn't say anything else or try to tickle me or anything."

Roy felt a wrenching in his heart at her words. "Well," he began, "Your Uncle Johnny is very sick right now. He has a very bad fever and sometimes it makes people seem. . . .different.'

But Jenny was shaking her head, "No Daddy. I know that. Uncle Johnny has been here when he's sick before."

He realized she was right.

"This . . .this is different. I looked into his eyes and he's not there. Uncle Johnny isn't there. I want him back." Her crying became harder as new tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Her words began to hiccup with sobs as she cried, "I . . . I want (hic) my Un (hic) cle John (hic) ny back. I (hic) want him (hic) to call me (hic) a kiddle a (hic) gain and play (hic) with me! Daddy, fix (hic) him. Make him (hic) come back! I m-miss him!"

Swallowing and clearing his throat he tried to give his daughter an answer to the problem he himself didn't know how to fix. He, too, had noticed the dead eyes, the apathetic manner that his injured shiftmate exhibited. The complete lack of caring over anything around him, including his own failing health. Just today, he'd had nearly the same conversation with JoAnne. "I'm scared for him, Roy. It's like he's just given up. He's in there; somewhere in that empty shell is the Johnny we all know and love but I can't reach him. And I'm afraid if we don't reach him soon," she paused as a sob escaped, "We're gonna lose him."

As Roy listened to the soft sobs of his little girl he tried desperately to think of some way to give her comfort. After several stops and starts he just tightened his arms around his daughter and sighed heavily, "So do I, Jenny, I miss him too."

He held his daughter until the sobs stopped and her breath came even and deep. Then he laid the child down, covered her with a light blanket and kissed her soft cheek. He then turned out the light and left the room. He wasn't surprised when Jo came out of their bedroom. He saw the tears in her eyes as she reached out to him. He willingly took her into his arms. "You heard?" He asked after several close moments.

"Yes."

Silence again.

Then her arms tightened around him, "If only he could see all of us now, he'd make it through this, Roy."

"I know." Roy thought his voice sounded choked.

Again Jo tightened her arms then reached up and kissed his chin. She smiled softly at him, "If love has any power to heal, he'll have to get well. He'll have no choice."

Roy felt a smile tug on his face as he nodded then kissed his wife. Together they walked down the stairs and into the living room. They both sat on the couch, watching the news although neither could have later told what was on. Finally Jo turned to her husband, "Roy, I think you should stay home tomorrow."

Roy looked at her, "I was going to go to Sunrise so you could go to the regular service."

Jo shook her head, "No, I think you should stay here. If Johnny has another night like last night . . ."

Roy pulled her close and kissed the top of her head, "I don't think he will, Jo. His fever has stayed down all day and he's been on the antibiotics for over 24 hours now."

Jo shrugged, "Still. I think you should stay with Johnny." She smiled, "God will understand if you miss one Sunday you're off and HE's the only one who matters. I'd stay here too if I didn't have junior church this Sunday. Jenny and I will go, convey your regrets and get home as soon as we can. "

Roy smiled at that and nodded. "Ok."

Jo looked at the clock over the mantel and sighed, "I'm tired and it's getting late. I think I'll head for bed."

Roy nodded, "I'm gonna check on Johnny and make sure the monitor is on. I think that's all we'll need for tonight."

His wife smiled a knowing smile at him. "There's a fresh pot of coffee in the kitchen and I put another blanket in Johnny's room next to the recliner. That should keep you warm tonight." She kissed him again and headed off.

Roy chuckled at his wife and started toward the kitchen for a cup when a squeaking noise down the hallway drew his attention and he turned instead toward it.

Johnny moved restlessly, his eyes pulling open. He looked over at the bandaged site where the IV had been attached to his arm and gave a heavy sigh. 'Well, once more IVs work.' he thought as he fidgeted over the discomfort in his bladder. He rolled carefully over and slowly sat up, relieved that the dizziness he'd felt before wasn't as pronounced. He started scooting his legs closer to the edge and was just resting his feet on the floor when a loud, "Johnny! What are you doing?" startled him. He looked up, wide-eyed and blinking, into his partner's face. Roy had entered the room rapidly and now was next to him, his hands bracing Johnny's shoulders. Carefully Roy tried to lay his friend back down but Johnny resisted, shaking his head.

Roy frowned, "Johnny you can't go anywhere, you're too weak. Please, I just want to help you." He paused and bit his lip then in a softer voice said, "If you'd rather I not be here taking care of you, I . . I won't. But please then, let Jo help you."

To Roy's surprise, Johnny frowned and made a cutting motion with his hand. "No." his voice was faint but clear. He nodded toward the hallway. "Need . . .need . . ." 'Why am I having so much trouble getting my thoughts together?' he mused as he tried again. "IV, Roy. Need . . ."

Understanding dawned on Roy's face and he nodded, "OK, I got it. Let me help you up. Do you think you can make it alone if I get you to your feet?"

Johnny shook his head and Roy moved closer, placing one arm under Johnny's arm and around his back. "Ok then. We'll do it together. On three, one-two three- up!" He lifted by pulling on Johnny's arm and his pant's band then Johnny was on his feet—sort of. Before he moved him anymore, Roy pulled Johnny's left arm over his own shoulders and wrapped his other arm around Johnny's thin waist. Carefully he moved the man across the room and to the bathroom. Once there, he got Johnny prepared, giving him as much privacy as possible while still providing support. And Johnny was grateful for both. Then they were back up and heading back to the sunroom. All was going fairly well when Johnny suddenly caught his toe on the edge of the doorway and pitched uncontrollably forward.

Roy prevented him from impacting with the wall, but it and Johnny got real up close and personal. "Whoa there buddy! Alright, let's get you straightened back up and . . ." Roy stopped as he felt the resistance in Johnny's body. Johnny was staring at a framed photo hanging on the wall just inches from his face.

Roy gave a faint smile, "You remember that? That was the time we all went to the beach, you fell asleep and the kids buried you then decorated the mound with seashells and seaweed."

Johnny gave a faint nod and his head turned first one way then the other as he looked at other pictures displayed there. 'They're back. All the pictures of me and the ones I took, they're back now. Wha . . .??' He looked at Roy, the question plain in his eyes.

Roy knew at that moment that somehow, at sometime, Johnny had noticed his 'redecorating' as Jo had called it. He remembered how he'd seen the photos at Johnny's house all turned face downward, as if he couldn't bare to look at them. He'd instinctively known that where he—Roy—had tried to remove all traces of Johnny in his house out of anger, Johnny had only turned the photos at his—Johnny's place—out of sorrow over what he must have thought he'd lost. Roy ducked his head briefly then with resolve raised it again and looked his friend straight in the eye. "Call it temporary insanity, Johnny. You are part of this family, always have been and always will be. I was stupid in what I did. And you have no idea how it hurts me that I've hurt you. I'd do anything to undo what happened, to somehow make it never have happened but . . ." he gave a faint shrug.

Johnny stood there a few more moments, looking deep into Roy's eyes and Roy faced him, hoping maybe, somehow, Johnny could see the truth in his words. Then Johnny gave a faint sigh and his body slumped. Roy tightened his hold, "Let's get you back to bed, partner."

He more or less carried the other man back to his bed and gently placed him back in it. Roy then caringly positioned Johnny's limbs in as comfortable a position as he could, making sure that the light sheet was tucked in around the younger man.

All the time he did this, he could feel Johnny's eyes on him and when he glanced up and met his gaze, for the first time, emptiness didn't look back. Johnny looked puzzled.

Roy smiled at him, "Comfy?"

Johnny nodded. Roy took the drink by the bedside and offered it to his partner. A flash of gladness flared in Roy's heart and he gave a slight chuckle as Johnny tilted his head, looked at the drink, pointedly looked out the hall, looked back to the drink then looked up, meeting Roy's gaze evenly as his left eyebrow rose.

"If you need to go again, junior, I'll help you. Just as many times as you need it." Roy told him. Johnny's lips parted and Roy placed the straw between them. That little flare of happiness became a small flame as Johnny drank until the cup was almost empty. Then he released the straw and leaned back with a sigh of contentment.

"Johnny"

Johnny immediately turned toward him and Roy felt that flame get a little stronger. "Do you want to lay back a little more? Are you going to sleep?"

Johnny thought for a moment, then nodded. Roy eased him forward, removed a few pillows, fluffed the others then eased the other man carefully back down again. Johnny sighed and shifted his weight slightly until he was comfortable. His eyes closed and Roy watched him for a moment before he crawled into the recliner, shifted the chair back and pulled the blanket over his legs. He closed his eyes, content he would hear if Johnny needed him and was soon softly snoring.

In a strange twist, Johnny was still awake when his partner's snores came. Johnny opened his eyes, watching his partner now. Thoughts raced through the younger man's mind. He couldn't dismiss what had happened to him over the last three weeks. But he also couldn't dismiss what had happened to him over the last three days. He carefully reviewed each action, each discussion, weighing them together. And he came to some conclusions.

He knew Jo still cared for him, he'd seen it in her own actions over the last three weeks. He knew Jenny loved him with all the force the little girl had in her and her actions this afternoon had touched him deeply now that he was more aware. Roy? He still wasn't as sure about. He knew something had changed and Roy's current actions hadn't changed whether he was alone with Johnny or if JoAnne was in the room. Could he trust his once friend? Should he risk his heart again? He thought again about what had happened earlier when Jenny had come in to get her father.

He had been lying quietly, awake but with his eyes closed while Roy took his vitals and recorded them on the pad. Then small cool fingers had touched his face and he opened his eyes. Jenny stood there, her blue eyes again swimming in tears. She smiled a little wanly at him then said, "Uncle Johnny? You have to get better. Now I know what you mean about how your heart hurts when someone you love hurts, 'cause I love you and my heart hurts."

He felt a stab in his own chest at her words and blinked at her. She paused as she continued to stroke her Uncle's warm forehead. "I think Daddy's heart hurts too." She thought that over then gave a determined nod. "Yeap. I bet that's why Daddy has been actin' so undaddy lately. Maybe when your heart hurts, it can make you angry and you say and do things that aren't very nice."

He listened to her and he felt Roy's hand drop onto his shoulder. "She's right, junior." the older man told him. "My heart did hurt before but not like it hurts right now . . .for you."

Jenny looked up at her father, then reached up, pulling on his arms until he leaned down. Once he did, she gave him a big loud kiss in the middle of his chest, then she climbed up on the bed and did the same thing to Johnny. The she carefully lifted Johnny's bandaged left hand and placed it against her own chest. Johnny could feel the vibration of her heart against his finger tips, she grabbed her father's right hand and placed it over Johnny's "There," she announced smiling, "Now all our hearts will get better and none of us will hurt anymore, 'Kay?"

A faint smile now came to his lips as he thought about her. No, he had no doubt Jenny loved him and he loved her. He knew that even if he'd known all this would happen, it wouldn't've stopped him from doing everything just like he had. And he suspected his partner DID NOT feel the same way.

He sighed, watching as Roy turned slightly in his sleep then suddenly opened his eyes. For a moment the two men stared at each other. Roy rose up, alarm on his face and in his voice, "Johnny? Is something wrong? You need something?"

Johnny shook his head and closed his eyes. He heard his partner get up, felt the hand touching his throat. He frowned in annoyance and batted the hand away. He heard the chuckle and, "Alright. I'll leave you alone." Movement then, "G'dnight Junior." Then the rustle of cloth and his partner was silent.

'Ok,' Johnny mused to himself, 'OK, family has problems and family moves past them. I'll try. I'm not sure though and I have no idea where this might take me, but I'll see it through.' That decision made, Johnny coasted smoothly into sleep.

Roy wasn't sure what awoke him but his eyes flew open as he looked at the figure in the bed. Surprise widened his eyes to see Johnny's eyes open and watching him! Instantly he was awake, "Johnny?" He called, "Is something wrong? You need something?"

Johnny shook his head and closed his eyes but not before Roy saw a spark of life in those brown depths. He moved off the recliner and he reached for the other man, his hand resting on the still too warm flesh of Johnny's neck as he felt for a pulse. That flame in his soul flickered even higher as Johnny's face twisted into a look of annoyance, one he was well familiar with, and the left hand came up to bat his hand away.

Roy laughed at the familiarity of it all after all the strained moments before. "Alright." he told Johnny. "I'll leave you alone." He looked fondly at his friend, yes maybe he could call him that again someday and see that echoing sentiment in those brown eyes. With a prayer for that in his heart he said, "G'dnight Junior." and settled in for another night.