Hello all-
Okay, I have BIG. NEWS. I ordered TEOTW and it is currently in the mail, from someone in England… So… Yeah.
Anyways, enjoy dears!
It was a dark, cold December night, and it was completely and deathly silent. The night sky was covered by a tarrow of clouds, and the only light source was an artificial one from the buildings above Dublin city. Everything was still.
Well. Almost.
The only movement there was, was two figures running from rooftop to rooftop. You could see their heads as they passed the parapet. Then, around every ten to nine seconds, you could see the two leap into the air, hands underneath of them, pushing themselves upward.
One of them was a walking, talking, suave 400-year-old skeleton named Skulduggery Pleasant, who has a tendency to be egotistical, clever, and absolutely debonair at the best of times. And he was carrying a metal cage.
The other was a young, pretty, 19-year old girl who goes by the name Valkyrie Cain, with a tendency herself to turn into the malicious monster who is destined to enslave the world, and wipe out everything in her path.
But not tonight.
Tonight, Valkyrie and Skulduggery were chasing down a fairy.
But no, this wasn't any ordinary fairy. No, this was a poisonous fairy. Also, don't let the title 'fairy' confuse you with the Shakespeare kind. These fairies were absolutely lethal. They were about a foot long, with skin as black as night. They had bright red eyes, and rows upon rows of bulky, sharp teeth. On its hands, were pointy claws that bent down, like a sickle. They had wings, too, but they weren't the typical butterfly kind. There was a pair of jagged, leathery wings, which had smaller wings behind it. Behind those small wings were even smaller ones.
All in all, the fairy had six wings.
"We have to be half mad to be chasing after this little bugger." Valkyrie said, jumping over the five foot gap between two buildings.
Skulduggery, who was to her right, answered. "Well, on my argument, I am insane. You, on the other hand… It's questionable." Valkyrie rolled her eyes, and jumped onto another roof, splaying her hands. She felt the space where everything connects, and pushed on the air. She shot upward, and her feet landed on the roof.
She had run about five feet, when she realized that Skulduggery had stopped running, and was behind her somewhere. She turned on her heel, and saw him, standing there, moving in exaggerated slow-motion. "SSSSSlllllloooooowwwww dddddooooowwwwnnnnnnn!" He called after her, being silly.
Valkyrie hung her head in shame, wondering why she was friends with him, and then something behind Skulduggery caught her eye. On the building that she had just crossed over from, there was a small animal clinging to the stones.
No, not an animal.
A fairy.
The fairy.
The animal, as if sensing her gaze, swiveled around, teeth bared, and glistening in the light. A piercing screeched came from its mouth, before it jumped off the building, disappearing into the street. Valkyrie cursed and sprinted to the parapet, about to look over.
She had just barely peeked over the edge, when a dark mass flew up, five inches from her face, clawing at the air where Valkyrie was. The fairy screamed, then dove in towards Valkyrie's face. Skulduggery knocked into her, and they both rolled on the ground, coming up to their feet. She looked sharply at her detective partner.
"Are you done playing Neo?" she growled, conjuring a flame into her hand, and surveying the area, looking for the fairy. Skulduggery laughed.
"I thought you didn't want to watch the Matrix?"
Valkyrie scoffed, which was accompanied with a blush. "Well, you kept urging me to watch it. So, I did."
"Where?"
"What?"
"Where did you see it? You don't own the movie, and neither does anyone else that we know, besides myself. And I think I would've known you'd have seen my own movie. So… where did you see it?"
Valkyrie smiled. "I saw it off of the internet."
"First, you get a ticket for speeding. Now illegal movies off of the internet?" Skulduggery sighed, taking his gun out, and loading it. "Oh, Val. What are we going to do with you?" The barrel slicked back into the gun.
"Hopefully not what I think you're think about doing."
"Which is?"
Valkyrie gestured to the gun that Skulduggery had just loaded.
"Oh. Oh this? Well, I was going to suggest that we force you to watch eight hours of Twilight." Skulduggery said. Then, he nodded. Yes, that is exactly what I think we'll have you do. Then, Skulduggery turned towards Valkyrie, the gun pointed at her back.
"Hold still." He told her. Her eyes bulged, and she jumped, moving out of the way. Adrenaline from her kidneys pumped into her veins as the gun's direction followed her.
"Skulduggery, are you out of your bloody mind? What are you thinking, trying to kill me? Geez, I didn't think that you'd try to do that. I've kept your secret, but now you've decided to kill me for my secret?" Skulduggery tried to intervene, but Valkyrie held up a hand, silencing him. "I mean, you're supposed to be crazy, supposedly, but I didn't believe it. I never could." Valkyrie trilled, moving from side to side, a moving target.
"Perhaps." Skulduggery murmured, then, louder, "Valkyrie, please. Stand still there if a fairy on you back."
"WHAT?" Valkyrie screamed, now dancing around, moving her arms and legs like a deranged puppet crack-head, on a sugar high. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS?"
Valkyrie was suddenly pushed forward, onto her hands and knees. She was a dark shape in her peripheral vision. A gloved hand came out of nowhere, and hauled the dark-haired girl to her feet. Skulduggery pulled her back, as the fairy flew out of the shadows, and into the light that was shining down on the roof.
And in the light, the fairy looked even more ugly than usual. It was the contrast and depth perception. Before, the fairy looked… Sleek. Now, it looked like extra-chunky mashed potatoes.
"Skuuuulduuuugeryyyyyyy Pleassssssant and Vvvvvalkyrieeeeee Cainnnnn." It hissed, an evil grin coming to its face.
"Charmed," Skulduggery said, raising the gun, "and who might I have the pleasure of greeting?"
"Tis I, the Last of the Fairies to Fly in The Great Isle of Ireland." It said. "My name doth be told with the upmost respect possible, mind you."
"…and?" Valkyrie said, waiting for the name.
The fairy puffed out its chest, looking prideful. "My name is the great Lauren."
"Skulduggery?" Valkyrie said, softly, out of the corner of her mouth, "Is our mate Lauren here a woman?"
"Ah, no. Lauren would be male." Skulduggery leaned in closer, bending over, but looking upward at the fairy. After a moment of straining, he came back up. "Definitely male."
Valkyrie gagged.
"You're a fairy funny person, Lauren." Skulduggery said, to the fairy. "In fact, I believe that that your humor is so great, that they give my jokes a run for their money."
"You're crazy." Lauren hissed, raising an eyebrow.
Skulduggery nodded in agreement. "Of course. Someone would have to be mad to even consider the fact that they are even half as witty as I am." Skulduggery paused, then, cheerfully, "I think I'm that person."
Now it was Valkyrie's turn to raise an eyebrow. The great Skeleton Detective, once again, was lapsing into one of his nonsense phases.
Lauren rolled his eyes, then took the chance for an ambush. He zipped forward, and latched onto Skulduggery's skull, screaming maniacally. Skulduggery roared, and grabbed Lauren, and slung him off his face, and onto the ground.
Lauren screamed in fury, and tried to get up off of his back, but found that he couldn't. He squirmed around, but couldn't move. Skulduggery took a few steps forward, and inspected what was going on. After a few minutes, he turned back to Valkyrie.
"He's stuck in a fly trap."
Gently, Skulduggery picked up The Last of the Fairies to Fly on the Great Isle of Ireland, and placed him in his new cage, where from hereon and forevermore, he would live in, screaming nonsense, and empty threats about the Skeleton and his nonsense methods of arresting people.
And the world rejoiced. Huzzah. Huzzah. Huzzah.
And there you go.
Please review!
~ America (Adrasdos Dark)