CHAPTER 15
-:- All Things Must Pass -:-
2006 -:- Past Memories
After Esme had kindly interrupted Alice and I, and the goat, we had a brief talk as a family, without Jasper, trying to devise a game plan. The others made the decision to go outside and assess a few things, while I volunteered to stay with Jasper. I had figured he might want a change of scenery, so I wrapped him up in a blanket, careful not to directly touch him, and carried him out to the main room placing him on one of the hospital beds.
Where is everyone? It was such an effort for him to speak, even managing to concentrate for a few seconds to communicate with me was difficult.
"They went topside for a little bit, Rosalie wanted to get out , you know, and go, well, and Emmett went with her. Alice and Esme went to go hand out water and food to some of the humans. How are you holding up?" I grabbed the metal chair from the desk and wheeled it over to sit in front of him.
I think you already know that. I can't control it anymore, it's taking all the energy I have. He winced, closing his eyes, as if the fluorescent lights were causing him pain. Look at me. I'm crippled, and doing the same to the rest of you.
I felt a wave of something I didn't even know how to explain hit me and I shuddered. It was terror, pain, and dread all rolled into one and it was just as he said, crippling. I realized it was taking every ounce of energy to control it, to keep it from projecting back to me. Just by concentrating enough to speak to me, his focus wavered and his emotions slipped past his control.
"It's got to pass, it won't continue like this." I reached out and was about to place a hand on his knee, but decided against it knowing it would make things worse. "People will change. It's just too soon."
I'm not doing anyone any good here, and you know it.His eyes were closed in concentration and his hands were clenched into fists. Emmett should have left me until I could get past this.
"Maybe," I said quietly, "but you shouldn't have run. What were you thinking leaving like that? Leaving Alice?"
At hearing my words he opened one eye to look at me. There was almost a look of amusement on his face. You're asking me that? You of all people know why I left.
"Touché," I mused. That last gesture of his seemed to take a lot out of him, so I let him rest for a minute, standing up, pretending to browse the movies in the bookshelves to disguise the fact that I needed to put some distance between us.
It's okay, you don't have to stay. I'm not going anywhere. I don't think I could if I tried.
I looked up at him from the back cover of the DVD in my hands. He hadn't fed in five weeks Alice had said, and he still refused to feed, telling her it was too difficult. His thoughts were not of thirst, but I could tell his body needed to be fed. His cheeks were slowly beginning to sink in, and when his eyes were open, they were as black as the night.
"Jasper, do you think you could handle it if I brought you something to eat?" I tried to make my voice as soft as possible, not wanting to pressure him. "Something small? Would you give it a try?"
No.
He gave me nothing else, and I couldn't understand why he didn't want to at least try. His body clearly needed the nutrients, and Jasper was never one for abstaining. He was suffering, both in mind and body, and I was hoping by easing the suffering in his body it would help to ease his mind.
I didn't want to pressure him, so instead I talked to him of oddities, hoping it would help a little by concentrating on my musings. I kept it light and humorous, rambling on about nothing while still keeping my distance. It was too difficult to stay positive the closer I was to him. I reminded him of the pranks we used to play on each other, especially Emmett. He certainly was a sucker for a good laugh and not surprisingly it was usually at my expense, but Jasper and I had our fair share of retribution when it came to Emmett.
In the seventies, Emmett had really gone overboard with the pranks, and everyone had pretty much had enough. Esme had begged him to slow down a little, but nothing we would say or do seemed to stop him. He had messed with my music collection, having replaced all the albums in other covers, it took me weeks to reorganize them back to their original covers, but when he messed with Jasper's Mustang, we all knew, including Rosalie, he had gone too far.
"Oh God, do you remember the skunk?" I snorted as I thought about it. "Man, that was the best thing we ever managed to pull off. But he deserved it. Your Mustang was a beautiful car," I said admiringly. "I loved that car."
He opened one eye at me, and I could see the twinkle in it from across the room.
"I still have no idea how you managed to trap that skunk without getting sprayed. That really was some feat." I started to laugh a little, remembering how Jasper successfully threw the skunk in the trunk of Emmett's Monte Carlo. That was a beautiful car too, but Emmett deserved everything he got. "When he opened up that trunk?" My laughter picked up. "The look on his face! I still remember it from the window of the house." I had broken out in complete hysterics by now, bent over at the waist, trying to talk through my fits of laughter. "And Esme wouldn't let him in the house for months. Made him stay in the guest house … " I howled, "and Rose. She wouldn't go near him for almost a year. Said every time she got close to him she could smell it was ingrained in his skin, no matter how many times he used Esme's tomatoes."
At this point, I was barreled over uncontrollably, recalling the weeks after the incident when Emmett would stand outside the windows of the house at night, staring in at all of us. His sad face begging to be let in, while Esme would simply shut the blinds and tell him to go back to the guest house, reprimanding him and telling him 'he got everything he deserved.'
Finally managing to contain myself, I looked over at Jasper, he had one arm over his eyes, and his face was sporting a wry smile as he lay curled up on the hospital bed.
Thank you, Jasper said in his head. He didn't need to say anything else, I just hoped that I had help to ease his suffering if only for a little bit.
I moved around the room, eventually settling back in the chair near his bed. We sat in silence for a bit, as I examined the map on the wall. My eyes slipped to the southern part of the map, near Phoenix and the red and yellow surrounding it.
This can't be easy for you. I'm sorry I wasn't there.
I cleared my throat. "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to add to your burdens," I apologized, rubbing my hands on my thighs.
Edward, he turned his head to me and opened his eyes as he winced at the light. I wish I could help you get through this.
"I appreciate it, but I doubt I'd let you even if you could. I need this. The anger, the grief, it keeps me going." I bent my head down, thinking of Carlisle and how much I needed him. I didn't know how long I could keep this mask up, but until he was here with us, guiding us, someone needed to fill his shoes.
You going to share those emotions coming off you? Or am I going to have to guess?
"It's nothing." I looked up at him, giving him a half smile.
Carlisle?
I nodded my head in response, and I could feel the wave of anxiety slowly rolling off of him. He didn't need to worry about this as well, so I changed the subject, as best I could. "What did you want to talk to me about?"
He took a deep breath and turned on his side to face me. I need you to take me back to where I was.
"None of us are separating again, and that's final," I said glaring at him.
I can't do this to Alice or the rest of you. I'll be fine, but you have to leave me there.
"Save it, because I'm not taking you. Nothing good will come of it." He went to protest, but I held up my hand to stop him. "Every time this family separates, something bad happens, and I'm not about to look Alice in the eye and tell her we lost you too." He had managed to open both his eyes, and his jaw was clenched in anger, pretty much mirroring my own emotions. "She needs you here, and so do I."
I probably should have agreed to his wishes, it probably would have helped him heal much faster, but I needed to be selfish at the moment. Alice would not be able to handle being away from him and would insist on going, and I doubted Esme would let them go. There was no way her or I would leave without Carlisle and she would be forced to choose between Jasper and Alice, and Carlisle and me. I couldn't let her be faced with that decision, she wasn't strong enough.
Fine. He had rolled away from me, putting his back toward me. You going to tell me about Carlisle, then?
I scoffed at him, shaking my head. He always could read me so well.
We had dropped the argument, settling on watching a movie to keep things neutral between us. I was trying my best to keep my emotions in check, but it was difficult to fight against his. I found myself slipping if I didn't concentrate as well. I doubted either of us was even paying attention to the movie, and about halfway through, he had become so quiet, I almost would have thought he had fallen asleep if it was possible. His mind was quiet to me, and I had to stand up to peek around the chair to see if he was actually still there. He was there, which was even more troublesome.
"Jasper?" I asked hesitantly.
I waited for him to answer me, but he didn't stir. His body was still and his mind was silent.
"Jasper?" I said again, a little louder, but still there was nothing. A few choice words were running through my head as I moved toward him trying to control my panic, that was the last thing he needed. My hand hovered over his shoulder, not sure if I wanted to touch him, but I didn't really have a choice. I just needed to give him a little shake, so I warily placed my hand on his shoulder, and the instant I made contact, I gasped, reeling backward landing on the floor. My mind and body registering the horror of the emotions he was dealing with.
My touch seemed to do the trick, however, because Jasper's eyes shot straight open, almost in as much shock as I was. He cursed, letting out a string of profanities, before focusing on my face.
I told you to leave me, not to touch me, he said, his voice weary and tired.
I was now in full panic mode. I had no idea the extent of which he was suffering. Here I thought my silly story from earlier had done something to ease his spirit, but I realized he was just being kind. I started to pace around the room, desperately trying to think of what could be done. I was adamant that we not leave him, we couldn't do that, but staying in the bunker was definitely not helping him either. I just didn't know how we were going to be able to move him, and then there was Carlisle to think about. We couldn't leave the city without him. I wanted to scream in frustration, I wanted to cry out, and I wanted to curl up into a ball and wish it all away. Everything, all of it.
I stormed to the back of the bunker, toward the animal pens. He was so weak, if I could just get him to feed, surely that would help him. I was not myself, I knew this, but nothing was stopping me from doing what I thought was right. Searching the room, completely manic, I ripped open the first cage I came across and grabbed a rabbit by the ears as it twisted and turned in my tight grip, its heart racing in panic as it struggled to get free. The rabbit let out an ear-splitting howl, knowing it was in danger and fearing for its life, but I held firm as I carried it back out to the main room. Jasper needed to get stronger and the only way he was going to do that was by feeding.
He was huddled on the hospital bed, his back turned to me, his mind was still a murky mess, but at this point I didn't really care. I walked around the other side of the bed, thrusting the rabbit in his face while its howls continued to echo off the concrete walls.
"You have to feed," I said over the screams, my chest pumping up and down, haggard breaths forcing their way out through the anger that was building inside of me.
Don't. It was the only thing he could manage to communicate, as his expression twisted in anguish.
"You have to. It'll help," I pleaded with him, my anger turning to desperation. "If you want to be moved, you have to get stronger." I couldn't concentrate on his thoughts, the rabbit's futile attempts at trying to break free from my grip and its cries were making it too difficult.
The predator in me, took over and I bit into its neck, hoping the scent of the blood would trigger something in Jasper. My venom hit the rabbit's bloodstream, immediately causing it to still. Its heart continued to pump, pushing the blood out through the wound, deep red on white, causing it to drip on the mattress and Jasper's sleeve. I heard the drip, drip, drip of the blood as everything in the room was silent, everything except for my forced breaths as my chest pumped up and down trying to fill with air I didn't need.
But Jasper did not move. His eyes were clenched tightly closed, and his lip was turned up in disgust. I continued to beg him to try, offering promises to take him anywhere he wanted if he would just drink. I was just about to attempt to force feed him, when I heard the metal clink of the door being opened. It swung open, and on the other side stood a horrified Emmett, his mouth open and his thoughts running wild as he glanced upon the bloody scene I had created.
"Edward! What the …."
2016 -:- Present Day
Being down in a bunker again was starting to weigh heavily on me. It was bringing up painful memories that I had chosen to bury long ago. With the wolves and the memories of the past, I felt suffocated underneath the ground, and I understood the reason for the empty hospital beds, and why the people refused to come down here unless it was absolutely necessary. My anxiety was becoming unbearable and I silently pleaded with Carlisle to move this conversation above ground.
With Seth, Charlie and Sam helping us unpack the rest of the supplies we had left in the Jeep, the time passed by quickly. I was itching to get out of here, and even though Carlisle's thoughts were neutral and concentrating on the task at hand, I was hoping he felt the same way. There had always been the possibility of the wolves being around, but after all these years, and everything the world had gone through we just hadn't expected that kind of reaction from Jacob Black. Their nature was to fear us, and fear brought about hatred no matter how much time had passed. We were archenemies, through and through, and the wolves were going to make it difficult for my family.
We had gathered quite a crowd with the anticipation of what kind of supplies we had brought. People were pleasant and thoughtful as they tried to get a closer look, Charlie only having to reprimand them once or twice to back up. I watched Carlisle as he joked with the kids, and a few of the adults, he looked so comfortable in that moment. For years, I was used to watching him interact with his patients, always keeping a careful distance from them. Whether it was his demeanor as a doctor, or his attire—always in a suit jacket and tie—he kept that invisible barrier up that clearly meant everything was strictly professional. Now, I watched him as he smiled and laughed amongst the humans. With the sleeves of his blue-buttoned shirt rolled up to his elbows, and his khaki pants dusted with the red soil from the ground, he looked at ease, and contented in everything he was doing. I caught his eye, and he gave me the widest grin as he lifted a couple of the kids onto the hood of the jeep.
It's been such a long time. To see people laughing like this is truly remarkable. I hope the family will get a chance to experience this. Carlisle nodded at me, noticing something over my shoulder. Looks like someone is anxious to see you.
Lifting the last of the supplies out of the back of the jeep, I turned to see Angela in the crowd smiling excitedly. She was standing beside a man I recognized as Ben, looking much the same, only a little taller and older. She waved me over as I placed the last bag of rice down on the pile.
"Ben, you remember Edward!" Angela said.
He smiled genuinely and offered his hand. "Edward, it's good to see you again." His thoughts were wild with excitement, and I was curious behind the reasoning. "I know you're leaving, but I was wondering when you'll be back?"
"I–I'm not sure. That's up to my father," I said vaguely, because as it stood I wasn't sure when we could come back. We didn't want to risk a war with the wolves, and we needed to come to an agreement before we came back to the compound, that much was apparent.
"Well, how about a few days from now? That should give us enough time." Just as he finished speaking, another man around his age came rushing up, tripping over one of his shoelaces, bumping into Angela, knocking her forward. I quickly, but gently, reached for her before she hit the ground.
"Tyler!" she yelled. "Thank you, Edward. Tyler has about as much grace as a bull in a china shop."
"Sorry, I tripped," he said sheepishly before turning his attentions back to me. "Edward! It is you. You look exactly the same, a little older but the same." His words came out in a rush, and I couldn't help but smile.
"Tyler." I nodded my head. "I guess I could say the same about you. You haven't changed a bit."
Angela and Ben laughed, knowing exactly what I had meant.
"What? What's so funny?" Tyler looked back and forth between them, clearly not understanding the meaning behind my words. He shrugged his shoulders while he turned to question Ben. "Did you ask him?"
"Yeah, he thinks so, but in a couple of days," Ben answered.
Tyler's thoughts were a little more erratic and I finally understood what they were asking of me. They wanted us, 'the Cullens,' to come see what they had done with the supplies we had stocked the bunker with. Carlisle must have left them with the means to create solar panels to generate some electricity. They had them up and running and were generating electricity for some of the buildings. Their next project was to create some kind of wind turbines, and they wanted to ask us for some input. They were extremely proud of their accomplishments, as they should have been, but I couldn't understand why they wanted us to see it so badly. My face must have had an expression of confusion, because Angela felt the need to explain.
"They wanted to show you it wasn't a waste," she said quietly. "That we weren't wasting what your family so generously gave us all those years ago …" she shrugged her shoulders, a gesture I had seen her do countless times back in high school, "that we were worth it." She looked down at her belly, her hands rubbing small circles on it. Ben came up behind her placing his hands over hers, lovingly. The affectionate gesture caused an ache in me that I had long forgotten. It was tender and loving and it broke my heart. I tried my best to mask my emotions as my breathing intensified. I hadn't expected to feel any of this. This entire day had been a roller coaster of emotions and I needed to get out of here. I desperately wanted my solitary life back. I didn't want to have to care about any of these people. I no longer wished to feel anything.
"Edward!" Carlisle called, saving me from having to respond.
"Time to go," I said. "It was really great to see you again." I looked at each of them. "It's been too long."
Angela awkwardly moved toward me, wrapping her arms around me, and asked that I promise to return soon. I was overwhelmed by the last few minutes and all I could do was nod in response while I tried to mask my discomfort with some humor. "Tell Mike Newton I said 'hi.'"
"Oh, I'm sure he'll be gutted to have missed you," she said in return, rolling her eyes.
I gave them all one final wave then jumped in the passenger seat of the Jeep. I could feel Carlisle's eyes boring into me, grinning like a fool to be sure.
You're smiling again. I've missed it.
"Don't get to used it," I snapped. "Let's go." I turned my head pulling my ball cap further down, hiding my eyes from him.
We drove toward the gates, while the children ran after us screaming and waving goodbye. Carlisle beeped the horn a few times in return, waving his hand out the window as we made our way up the winding road. We had passed through the final gates, acknowledging the men manning it and were just about to turn onto the highway when an enormous brown beast ran in front of the Jeep's headlights. We only caught a glimpse of it, but it was almost as tall as the roof. I knew right away it was a wolf, having recognized the thoughts of the man Jacob referred to as Quil.
Carlisle slammed on the brakes, both of us getting out of the car, cautiously. The wolf was alone, I could tell that much, but I couldn't see him. I heard growling to my right and quickly turned, crouching down ready to defend myself as the beast stepped from the shadow of the trees. My mouth dropped open in shock, my eyes were wide with wonder. The thing was huge, and not at all like what I had remembered. His lips were turned up, growling and I could see the large, razor-like teeth lining his mouth. The most curious thing was the collection of voices I could hear. I couldn't smell any other wolves, yet I could hear them. Quickly turning, I scanned the woods to my left and right, making sure I wasn't missing something. Carlisle reassured me there were no others as he came to stand beside me, but yet I could still hear them.
"Quil, is it?" I asked. "Have you come to talk with us?"
Again, I could hear the voices, and I could make out Jacob's voice as he commanded Quil to speak on his behalf.
"You know I can read minds, don't you?" He said 'yes' in his head, whining a little while nodding.
Fascinating, Carlisle thought.
"Well, I can tell you're very apprehensive at the moment." Quil's whining continued, but his thoughts were steady. "You have a message for us from Jacob?" He nodded again, and relayed the message. "A formal meeting, we can do that," I responded. "The treaty boundary tomorrow night at midnight where I crossed the line. We'll be there."
"We want a guarantee it's just to talk," Carlisle spoke up.
"They agree," I offered, speaking on Quil's behalf, and with that, the wolf turned, taking off back in the direction of where he had come from.
Neither one of us said a word for awhile as we continued the drive back home, both of us were going over the day's events. The way the compound was flourishing, seeing old friends, the clinic, the wolves, it was a lot to process. I remembered the look on Carlisle's face as he truly interacted with the people in the compound and his wishes that the family would get a chance to experience what we had today. This was exactly what I had been hoping for, that my family could finally be at peace somewhere. Ten years of being constantly on the move, never knowing what to expect, never relaxing and never smiling had played its toll on each of them. Seeing Carlisle today had given me some sort of semblance of hope. If I could secure their future, then I could secure my own, and I too could be at peace.
"Carlisle," I interrupted the silence in the Jeep. "If they offer that deal again, we're going to take it," I said with finality.
You know I can't agree to that.
"You will, you have to. It's a chance for you to stay here. The family will have a place to call home. You have to take it." I spoke with conviction. "Besides , you know my intentions anyway. So this will …"
"Kill two birds with one stone? No, Edward, this is not the way," he said.
"It makes perfect sense. If my death brings peace to this family then I'll gladly do it."
"No. End of discussion. I won't allow you to sacrifice yourself to those volatile wolves."
"Carlisle," I said under my breath, pausing to look at him, "you know what I'm trying to tell you, and now you're not ready to listen. You said you would be." I looked at him, the dashboard lights, illuminating his face which was full of affliction. "I want to die. I have no reason to live anymore." It was much easier to say this to him after today. I knew the moment I watched Ben place his arms around Angela there was no other road for me. I would never have those moments, those tender touches and I didn't want to be reminded of it anymore. I was finished with my task, and now my time was up. "I know you and the family can make a life here, but I can't. All I've ever wanted was a place for you to be safe and happy, to start a new life. Knowing this, I can finally let go."
You can be happy here too.
"My time on this earth is done. I don't want to be here anymore. Can you accept that?" I pleaded with him, but his eyes remained focused on the road. We stayed that way for a few minutes, neither one of us giving in, when eventually I whispered, "Everything I've done in the last ten years was for her."
His head snapped around, turning in my direction, a look of shock crossed his face.
"For Bella," I clarified, but his thoughts were still confused. "You tell me there is a God, even after all that we've seen and been through. You tell me I have a soul, even after all that I've done. Well, I want to believe that . I'm trying to believe that. Just like I want to believe Bella is out there waiting for me. You keep telling me we, our kind, will be judged fairly by our actions, just like every human on this earth." I furrowed my eyebrows, swallowing as I continued, "I'm ready to face my judgment, Carlisle. And hopefully that means I'll be with her again."
I knew my words had completely thrown him, but I also knew he wouldn't be able to deny me this request. "You should also know I've asked Emmett to help me," I added quietly.
He was silent for a long time as his mind processed my words. He tried to concentrate on the road, and I left him to his thoughts doing my best to block them out.
He cleared his throat. "You should have come to me. It wasn't fair to ask Emmett to do this." His voice cracked. "He'll carry that burden for eternity. It's my burden to carry. I made you what you are. It was my sin."
"By agreeing to this, neither you nor Emmett has to carry this burden. This is my chance. If Jacob Black asks for my life, I'll give it freely."
"No. I can't do that." He turned his head from me, and was staring into the blackness of the night through the driver's side window. I could see the pained expression on his face in the reflection, and it only mirrored his thoughts. I'm not ready to let you go.
"This is it, Carlisle. This is that last sacrifice for the family. Don't you see? This is my salvation. Please, I need you of all people to see that." I spoke calmly and reverently, trying not to evoke any more emotions from either of us. There was no need to argue with him, I couldn't change his mind, just as he knew he couldn't change mine. We continued to drive in silence for the remainder of the ride back to the house. As we finally pulled up to the garage, he turned the ignition off, resting his hands on the steering wheel staring straight ahead. It was dark in the cab of the Jeep the only light coming from the candles in the window of the front foyer of the house. He took a deep breath leaning his head on the steering wheel, resting his forehead on his hands. A few more deep breaths came from him when he finally turned his head to the side so I could see his face while he sought out my eyes.
"I will not offer this as a solution, but if they demand it, I will consider it. That's all I can agree to, Edward." We stared at each other for a moment longer, and I realized he would never willingly give me up, but that didn't mean I couldn't make my own deal with the wolves.
We reached—what I liked to call—an impasse, both of us too caught up in our irrational emotions to come to any agreeable decision, so we reluctantly left the silence of the Jeep. Walking in the front door, we were immediately engulfed in a maelstrom of activity. There wasn't an inch of space to be found on the floor in the front room. Alice and Esme were on their knees, bent over, drawing on a large piece of plywood. From what I could tell, they were drawing pumpkins for some strange reason. Throughout the room were pieces of material I didn't even know we had, and paint and supplies that I had assumed were long gone.
How can two people cause so much damage? Carlisle said to me just as shocked as I was.
"Oh good, you're back!" Alice squealed jumping up and hugging us both. "How was it? What's it like?" For some strange reason, I had a feeling that Alice already knew what it was like, and this was the reason for the mess in the living room.
"What are you two doing?" Carlisle asked skeptically, walking over to Esme to give her a kiss hello.
"Never you mind. We'll tell you soon enough," Esme said smirking, giving him a knowing look. Of course she couldn't guard her thoughts from me, and I spilled what they had been planning.
"A festival?" I asked, leaning up against the door jam, smiling at Alice.
"Not just a festival, silly, a harvest festival!" She poked me in the stomach before returning to sit across from Esme again.
"But there's nothing to harvest," I said stating the obvious.
"Nothing yet, but there will be! Besides it's going to take months to plan, and by that time, everything that we planted will be ready to harvest." She dipped her paint brush in the orange paint and started coloring her pumpkin.
"Mmhmm." Carlisle folded his arms giving them both a look that said they were slightly crazy. "And just who do you hope to invite to this harvest festival," he teased them.
"Oh, shush up, stop being a stick in the mud, you know darn well who this is for." Esme waved her paintbrush at him telling us she didn't appreciate our negativity.
"Well, don't you want to hear how today went first, before going overboard with all this?" I asked, while taking a stroll around the room marveling at what they had managed to get done in the time we were gone.
"Of course we do, but it's not going to change the outcome of what we're planning. I know that already," Alice mused.
She really was getting to be her old self again. I had missed the smug little psychic, I was starting to realize. "Another feeling, Alice? You seem to be having a few of those lately."
"Oh! So the handkerchief was needed? I knew it! Tell me all about it." She jumped up pulling me into the kitchen. "Who was she?"
I looked back at Carlisle who was giving me an apologetic look. We'll discuss the meeting later. Don't even think about going alone.
Alice and I had spent the rest of the evening discussing my visit to the compound and her plans for the harvest festival. Her excitement was a little infectious and she shared her ideas and how she hoped to bridge the distance between us and the people of Forks and La Push. Esme and Alice had spent the entire day taking food inventory and planning on what would be needed to make the festival happen. I knew this was a defense mechanism of sorts, to keep her mind occupied from having to worry about Jasper. She needed something to keep her busy, or she was more than likely to run after him.
We eventually joined Esme and Carlisle in the living room and discussed the meeting we were to have with the wolves tomorrow night. Alice and Esme insisted they come with us, even against Carlisle's wishes, but they refused to sit back at the house waiting and there really was no arguing with the two of them. I was a little apprehensive of them coming. They would not like my plan if it came up, and would never agree to it, but perhaps I could speak on my own with Jacob somehow. There was always the option to make the deal without having the family involved.
.
WE LEFT A LITTLE after eleven the next evening, running through the backwoods toward the treaty boundary. The night air was thick with dew but eerily silent once again. Esme and Carlisle were ahead of Alice and me, and even she was not her usual self. Something was weighing heavily on her mind, but it was a scattering of scenarios that were playing out in her head. My guess was that she was trying every possible scenario that could happen tonight to see if she would feel any different about them.
Edward, how many are there? she asked.
"I'm not sure. There were three of them in the bunker, but I thought I could make out more in the one's thoughts. I know the man, Sam, was one at some point, but I don't think he's a wolf anymore."
Like he gave it up? Can they do that? she questioned, confused.
"I really don't know if they can or can't, but yeah, it seemed that way. Why? What do you think?"
I have nothing, that's the problem. Yesterday, before you and Carlisle left, I just knew everything was going to turn out okay. I had nothing in particular to go by, it was all kind of fuzzy, but I just knew. But tonightthere's nothing. It's like a black hole again. Her brow was furrowed in concentration and her lips were pursed as she tried to think of crazy scenarios that involved a few timber wolves and us and possibly things getting out of hand.
"I hate to break it to you, Alice, but those wolves are not timber wolves," I said chuckling at her images of a friendly pack of wolves that maybe came up to our waist. I knew she had never been exposed to the wolves, Alice and Jasper came after the treaty was signed with Ephraim Black, but the idea of Jacob Black as a timid timber wolf was almost laughable. "The one we saw was as big as a horse. Maybe that's why it's not working. You're imagining the wrong kind of wolves."
She stuck her tongue out in a typical Alice fashion, but to my surprise she jumped on my back, piggyback style. "Just when I think it's coming back, it's like it's wiped clean again. You have no idea how frustrating it is. Like with Jasper, I'm trying to track him, and there's nothing clear, but I know he is alive."
"Isn't that just because you're connected to him though?" I turned my head to look at her over my shoulder as I continued to carry us through the forest maneuvering around the decayed stumps.
"Yes and no. It's different. I know he's alive, because we're connected, like soul mates, but also because there's something else to it. I know I'd feel it if his life was threatened." She shrugged her shoulders. "It's not something I can explain really, but whatever is blocking my visions—albeit my own mind—it's getting easier to break through."
"Except for tonight."
"Except for tonight," she grumbled through clenched teeth
I smiled at her, elated that she was reaffirming her faith in her love for Jasper. She would never give up hope again and it was comforting. I too had never given up my hope in Bella. I had stayed true to what I believed—that she was waiting for me wherever it was. For the first few years, I struggled with the idea she was gone. I had never seen her body, only visions of her death in Victoria's sick mind. I always wondered if she could have survived the she-devil's plans. But Emmett had convinced me of what he had found, and despite my hesitation to believe him, eventually I had given in. Even when we went back to Phoenix, I went back to the house, or what should have been the house, but there was nothing left. We scoured the surrounding districts for any possible word of her or Renee, but we came up with nothing. I had been running on empty, desperately clinging to something I knew was impossible.
I knew what Alice was talking about. I had always felt Bella's presence in my life, like there was always a little spark of hope buried deep in my chest, burning intently. When I came to in the bunker, that spot for the spark was still there, but it had smoldered, and eventually I had come to the hard realization that she was gone to another world, hopefully still waiting for me.
"Edward," Alice said softly in my ear, "I wish you'd reconsider." She leaned her cheek up against the back of my head and she gripped me tighter.
"Please, Alice, Don't," I said with as much reverence as possible.
I can't imagine life without you. Alice's thoughts shifted to the time we spent in the bunker. All these memories had been resurfacing since we arrived back in Forks. It was odd that in the last ten years, none of us really liked to remember that time, but there was something about being back here that was causing us all to relive that time, whether we wanted to or not.
.
WE ARRIVED AT THE meeting place with plenty of time to spare, and all we could do was patiently wait for the wolves to arrive. Esme sat on the same rock that Rosalie had only days ago, while Alice and Carlisle were nearby, looking at the dried up streambed off in the distance. Esme was itching to ask me a few questions about my time in the compound, but didn't really know how to broach the subject. She had overheard Alice and I talking about Angela Weber, or Cheney, I corrected myself, and she was curious if I had seen any of my other former classmates.
"A few," I answered her thoughts. "And, yes, they did recognize me." I smiled at her. She really was my mother, and it was like she was asking me how my first day at school was. "They want me to come back," I said, offering a little more information. I wasn't sure why I did, I knew she would try and twist it into something it really wasn't. Immediately, her thoughts were happy and excited, and maybe that was why I volunteered it, just to appease her worries.
"Do you think we'll all get to go?" she asked.
"I guess that depends on the outcome of this meeting. I have a hard time believing that Jacob Black will allow that many of us in the compound at one time. Especially if Emmett comes back, it won't be easy."
She nodded her head, sweeping her hair away from her forehead. She was disappointed at my words, and looked up into the sky trying to hide her grim expression. It was a cloudy night, just like most nights, but there were a few stars out, and a sliver of a new moon was visible. I almost expected it be full thinking of the wolves, even though I knew their transitions weren't based on the cycle of the moon.
"Any idea when our guests will arrive?" Esme asked, her voice trying to sound strong.
I concentrated for a moment, and then sighed. "Any minute now, but I'll have to translate. They're coming in wolf form, they don't trust us enough not to."
Alice and Carlisle heard our exchange and were at my side in an instant as Esme stood up to join them. We heard a high-pitched howl straight ahead, and each of us was ready for the unexpected.
My mouth twisted into a grin as I saw an image of another timber wolf flash in Alice's mind.
"Prepare yourself, Alice—it's not what you think." I shook my head chuckling at her images.
"Shut it! It's all I have to go on." She gave me a quick shove as I continued to laugh at her.
"Shh," Carlisle cautioned, as he stared past the two of us into the darkness. You're acting like children.
Esme reached out to grab Carlisle's hand, her other reaching for Alice. Both Carlisle and I were on the outside, just slightly ahead of them forming a protection of sorts.
Alice gasped. Damn, she said in her head. I take it back.
Carlisle and I exchanged wary looks, not really believing what we were seeing. In the blackness, shadows were moving, and five sets of eyes shone bright, definitely higher up than where Alice had been expecting them. She was finally realizing what I meant by 'tall as a horse.'
Five of them? she questioned her own eyes, and I nodded slightly as I counted the five voices in my head. They're huge!
They had stopped moving quite a few yards away from us, staying on their side of the treaty line, not willing to come any further. I couldn't distinguish which one was Jacob, but I assumed he was the wolf out in front.
Carlisle let go of Esme's hand and took a slow and deliberate step forward, raising his hands just like he had back in the bunker. He wanted to reassure them that we meant no harm, and, he too, stayed on his side of the boundary.
"Thank you for coming," Carlisle greeted the wolves, waiting for them to respond through me.
I isolated Jacob's thoughts from everyone else, it was fairly easy as the rest of them were quiet, relinquishing their right to speak to their pack leader. Jacob wanted to forgo the pleasantries, and was not about to thank us for meeting him, or introduce the rest of the pack. I had promised to relay exactly what was being said by Jacob, without any filtering. I was not impressed with his thoughts about Carlisle, and I responded in a flat tone, trying to remain neutral.
"We have business to discuss," I said in a detached voice, repeating Jacob's words. I did manage to leave out the word 'bloodsucker' thinking it wasn't relevant to the conversation.
"Yes we do," Carlisle answered, "there is much to discuss, and this treaty boundary is just one of them."
I was still having trouble discerning Jacob's form from the others, but I heard his questioning thoughts and I saw him shift uncomfortably in the darkness. Carlisle's words had taken him by surprise, but he quickly recovered wondering where the 'others' of us were. He knew from Charlie there were seven of us, and he was thinking we were planning on ambushing them.
"We would never do that," I responded bitterly, disgusted at his thoughts.
"Edward!" Carlisle said raising his voice at me. We discussed this. Tell me what they're thinking. I will speak for the family.
I heard a deep rumble in Jacob's chest and I was sure he was laughing at me. Daddy fights your battles does he?
I stiffened at his words, and Esme and Alice could feel my anger and before I could move, their hands were on my arms, silently begging me to calm down.
He wants you to cross the line again. Edward, don't let him get to you this time. Carlisle was in my head reassuring me that he would handle it. I knew what Jacob was trying to do, but still I couldn't help myself. That kid always knew how to push my buttons.
"He wants to know where the others are," I mumbled reluctantly. "He thinks they're out here with us, like a trap," I added, mocking his fear.
"My son, Emmett, and daughter, Rosalie, have gone up North in search of friends," Carlisle said with a hint of trepidation in his voice, knowing that mentioning 'others' was not something they wanted to hear. And sure enough the pack shifted nervously while letting out little cries of distress. Jacob's thoughts turned venomous, telling the others that he "knew we were gathering more forces."
Carlisle didn't need to read their thoughts to know what they were thinking. "It's not what you think. Yes, we went in search of others like us, but there's a very good reason why we've done so. My other son, Jasper, Alice's husband," Carlisle gestured to Alice as a way of introducing her to them, trying to bring an element of humanity into the conversation, "has gone down to the South. There's a war brewing down there, and he went to scout around to see how serious it's become." Carlisle's voice was solid and reassuring, and exhibited a level of calm that was definitely needed as a rumble passed down the shadowy line of wolves.
"Your wars do not concern us," I translated for Jacob.
"They will if our assumptions are correct." Carlisle took another step toward the line, and the wolves shifted uncomfortably again as low whines continued to emit from their chests. "Look, I know you don't trust us, but I'm asking you to let the treaty I made with your great-grandfather stand. We're friends, even if you choose not to believe us, and you're going to need us if this war comes North."
"We'll never need your help." My words were quiet and lacking emotion as I spoke for Jacob. I shook my head frustrated that he was so unwilling to work with us, or even hear us out. I recognized another voice in my head, one from the bunker, not Quil, but the other Quileute who had been with them.
Jake, think of what Billy said.
Shut up, Embry! My father's an old man and doesn't know what it means to be a wolf. The shadow I had assumed had been Jacob, turned its head to the left, snapping his jaws at the slightly smaller shadow beside him. Maybe you don't either.
I couldn't stand idly by anymore, and with as much calm and reserve that I could muster, I spoke to him as evenly as I could. "Jacob," I felt Carlisle stir beside me, but I refused to look at him as I continued, "it's obvious things will never be amicable between your people and my family, but eventually this war is coming whether you choose to believe it or not. It's a new world now." I took a small step forward, standing beside Carlisle now, hoping Jacob would put aside his anger to just listen to us this once. "And we think there are a good number of vampire that wish to change it even further." My voice was soft and slow, deliberately trying to keep myself under control while his menacing thoughts continued to scoff at my words. "I'm not sure how much you've heard of, what some humans are calling, 'Ravagers,' but they're not what they appear to be, at least we don't think so. Jasper, my brother, is down there now based on these assumptions."
The two wolves on either side of Jacob moved backward, breaking their ranks, despite Jacob's protests. They disappeared briefly, even though I could still hear their thoughts. The other two wolves growled their disapproval and stepped forward joining Jacob, flanking his sides. A few seconds later, the same two Quileute from the bunker appeared from out of the shadows of the trees in human form, each wearing cut off shorts to cover some of their nakedness.
Jacob's growls intensified as did the other two wolves, as the man named Embry walked closer to the treaty line.
"I'm sorry, Jake, but this is foolish. We need to hear them out," Embry said, clearly frustrated with his pack leader. "You can order me to stop, and I'll have no choice but to listen, but you're wrong about this."
"There's too much at stake, Jake," Quil said, also walking toward us, "and your judgment's clouded."
Jacob was furious with his pack, and I was certain there was going to be hell to pay once this meeting was over, but for now, there was nothing Jacob could do, so he ordered the other two to stay in wolf form as he ran back to the trees to shift back to his human form. A few seconds later he emerged dressed the same as Quil and Embry.
His expression was enraged as he glared at the other two, and they gave him a sheepish smile in return, knowing full well the extent of their actions.
"This still changes nothing, leeches. We'll listen but it doesn't change anything," he growled through clenched teeth. "What does your psychic see?"