CHAPTER 16

-:- A Problem Shared is a Problem Halved -:-

2016 -:- Present Day

We spent the rest of the evening filling the wolves in on the last few years of our travels and what we had discovered of the Ravagers. The wolves listened with their full attention, only interrupting when something wasn't clear. We had our own questions about the pack and the dynamics of the tribe and they answered our questions, but never offered anything that wasn't asked.

It seemed Sam Uley had been pack leader before the bombs, and for few years later. After deciding a vampire threat no longer existed, he decided to pass the proverbial torch to Jacob, his next in command, so he could raise a family with his wife. He was considered a revered tribal elder among the Quileutes, and even though the tribe lived alongside the people of Forks, they still stuck to their way of life as much as possible, and all things tribal related were discussed amongst the elders. Sam acted as a liaison between the two communities in the compound, swiftly serving justice when called upon. Charlie, for the most part, handled the 'white man,' while Sam handled the tribe.

The wolves had managed to keep their secret with only the tribal elders and the pack knowing what they really were. Quileute's like Seth and Leah were still unaware of their existence, believing the stories to be only legends. I wondered what would happen if the time came and all of our secrets, or legends, would need to be revealed.

"I still don't see how this is going to affect us. We're so far removed from it…we've had a handful of visitors in the last ten years," Quil spoke, shooting Jacob a look of apology for speaking.

"If these vampires choose to make known what they are, no human will be safe," Carlisle said.

They're like a disease…they spread, Jacob's thoughts came loud and clear. I turned to glare at him, and he shot me a wicked grin. Don't like it? Don't listen.

Earlier in the night, we had asked how they had known so much about us and our abilities. Charlie had eventually gone to Harry Clearwater after Carlisle, Esme and I had visited him. He was questioning his doubts and thought he would share the entire conversation with Harry over some beers hoping Harry would reassure him that my family was indeed crazy. But Harry believed the story, and convinced him to take Carlisle's warnings seriously. As a tribal elder, he knew that some vampires possessed special abilities, and he took the story to the pack and the other elders. They had known about Alice and I since before the bombs. Jacob was taking full advantage of this knowledge now, and even though he was a little disappointed to hear Alice's visions were no longer working, he was fairly smug about the idea that she was "broken," at least that is how he thought of her.

"I've seen this before, a few hundred years ago. But back then we had our own Order to deal with it. We don't know if they survived, for all we know, it could even be them who are responsible. Obviously, we'll know more once Jasper comes back," Carlisle said, standing up to stretch.

The night was coming to an end. We could hear a few of the morning birds singing their songs that signaled dawn was approaching. We had managed to remain amicable during the discussion. It was far from a picture of a campfire sing-along, but for the most part everyone behaved, each of us settling on the forest floor and stretching out as we told stories of how we had all fared over the years.

The wolves had done their part to protect and provide for the compound. They were fierce hunters, and supplied the compound with as much fresh meat as they could find. Things remained relatively quiet for the people of Forks and La Push, and in all the years, they had never crossed the scent of a single vampire … until now. I could understand their animosity toward us, having thought the vampire was gone, they had begun to relax and think of their futures, just as Sam had. Now with our arrival, things would have to be re-evaluated again. A few of them harbored bitterness, like Jacob, while some of the others were just excited that something was happening having grown bored of their mundane lives.

Nothing had been said about the altercation between Jacob and me. I knew Carlisle was hoping it would remain that way, but from Jacob's thoughts it wasn't going to happen. He'd had about enough with the niceties, and wanted to assert his dominance once again before heading back to the compound.

"We've heard what you've had to say, and we'll take it under consideration. I've not forgotten about the broken treaty." He looked directly at me, and with the growing light it was easy to see the hateful expression on his face. I felt my lip curl in return as a slight rumble in my chest started.

"But I'm a reasonable man," Jacob said, "we can let it go, for now." He smiled acerbically, thinking he was doing me a big favor. "At least until your other bloodsucker returns and we know what's happening."

Everyone was silent at his words; a few of the members of his pack were shocked that he would bring it up again after all that was shared during the night. Carlisle pleaded silently with me to remain quiet, telling me it was not the time, and I actually agreed with him. I didn't wish for Alice and Esme to hear of my plans this way. Hopefully, I could approach Jacob on my own at some point over the next few weeks. I simply nodded my head slightly, acknowledging that I had heard him. He smiled again, thinking he had gotten the better of me, and it took every ounce of restraint not to respond to his taunts.

Esme and Alice had been quiet for most of the evening, but now both of them were buzzing with a few questions of their own. I groaned internally, knowing full well what they wished to ask, they were just waiting for the right opportunity, but the wolves were getting restless having spent enough time in our presence. The morning breeze had shifted, and they were now downwind of us, and our "sickly sweet" scent was getting to them.

The wolves, realizing the discussion was coming to an end, stood up stretching, just as Carlisle had. Not sure of the etiquette of how to say goodbye to your mortal enemy, they gave a quick nod and started to walk backward toward the woods, still not trusting us to turn their backs on us. Just as they were about to reach the tree line, Alice jumped up unable to contain herself any longer.

"Wait!" she yelled back at them. They stopped in mid-stride curious about what the "little psychic" could want. Out of the four us, they were curious about Alice the most, knowing full well it was her who saved their lives, and if at all possible, they harbored feelings of respect for her.

"I have a favor to ask of you," she said with a grin on her face. "I think I'm entitled to one or two." She knew exactly how to prey on their sympathies. She never ceased to amaze me, and was always a master manipulator with or without her visions.

Quil stepped forward, while Jacob remained behind, his face and thoughts extremely guarded. Quil bowed forward a little, acknowledging that they were willing to listen.

"We want to have a festival. A harvest festival to be precise." The wolves dropped their carefully guarded expressions, not ever having imagined Alice would ask them of that. "In a few months time, our crops will be ready to harvest and we wish to share them. We want the people of Forks and La Push to have a celebration, and we want to be included." She shrugged her shoulders, like it was the most natural question for a vampire to ask. "Will you allow my family and our friends to do this? They're just like us." She paused for a few seconds, taking a deep breath. "We promise no harm will come to anyone." Alice smiled a wide smile, bouncing up and down on her toes, anxiously waiting for their response. "I think we'll need this if we're going to face what might be coming our way," she added trying to emphasize the importance of it. "It's still a few months away and we can discuss the details." She continued to ramble on, now second guessing herself as she waited for the answer she had been hoping to hear.

Esme walked up to her, putting an arm around her shoulder, trying to calm her down a little. "From what my husband tells me, your people have done well for themselves. Won't you let their hardships be celebrated?" Esme said in her typical warming tone, and I could tell her words hit home, evoking some compassion in the wolves. Each of them was suffering a little, their thoughts in turmoil, deciding if we could actually be trusted. To my surprise, it was Jacob who stepped forward.

He nodded his head at Esme, his expression set in stone not giving any emotion away. "For Charlie, we'll allow this." And with that, the wolves turned, disappearing from our sight, running off into the woods.

.

A WEEK WENT BY, Emmett and Rosalie had returned from Alaska, sharing with us their visit with Tanya and her family. They were living a hard life up north, but had done their best with the people of the nearby village who had managed to survive the brutal winters. Without any of the imports of fresh food coming up north, most people moved south or a lot of them perished, at least until Tanya and her family intervened helping them out as much as they could. Despite their wariness of them, the people, for the most part, had accepted them.

Tanya's family had a few things they needed to take care of, but promised Rosalie and Emmett they would be down for a visit as soon as they could. At first, Alice was a little worried about the timing of their visit, anxious they would miss the festival, but she relaxed after a few days, and when I asked her why she simply tapped the side of her head and smiled. She was confident they would be here for the celebrations, and within enough time to help with the final preparations.

Rosalie had reluctantly joined Esme and Alice in preparations for the festival. Secretly I knew Rosalie was happy, even though her sour tone with everyone stated otherwise. She enjoyed hearing about Carlisle's stories of the children and the rest of the people in the compound, and was hoping she would get a chance to visit some time soon. Of course she would never admit it to any of them, but she was happy. And if Jasper was here, he would have gladly betrayed her emotions to everyone, even though I never would. Over the years I had come to learn Rosalie's thoughts were her own, and one of the only ways I could keep her sharpness at bay was to let her keep them to herself. I never understood why she felt the need to keep up the false bravado. I was sure it related back to the days when she was a human, and that fateful night Carlisle had turned her. But even though she refused to show weakness of any kind, I had come to accept it as part of who she was and as much as I would never admit it to her I supposed I loved her for it.

"What?" she snapped, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Nothing." I smiled, realizing I had been staring at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Your turn," she said, throwing the shovel she had been holding at me. She had been using it to dig the hole we were planning on using for an outhouse. Esme had said we needed to have one for human visitors, that it would look suspicious if we didn't have one, so Emmett, Rosalie and I were stuck with the task.

She clapped her hands together, trying to get some of the dirt off. "I'm done. You two big, strong men," she said in a sickeningly sweet voice while batting her eyelashes, "can finish this." Her tone changed to a harsh one as she waved her hand at us, walking off toward the house. "I don't do human excrement."

"Babe! Come on!" Emmett yelled after her, but his yells were futile as she continued walking, ignoring him completely.

This was the first time Emmett and I had been alone since they had come back, and actually it was the first time since we had 'our talk' back at Bella's house. Suddenly I was extremely apprehensive about being alone with him, and I couldn't help but wonder if Rosalie had planned this.

We worked in silence for a while longer, each of us concentrating on the hole. It didn't take us long to finish so we turned to the scraps of lumber we had salvaged and began construction on the four walls for the outhouse. I knew the silence wouldn't last long and Emmett eventually spoke up.

"I've been thinking about our time in the bunker back in Chicago a lot lately," he said quietly, not looking up from hammering nails into the wood. I was a little surprised that this was what he was bringing up. I thought for sure he would want to talk about our earlier discussion and the treaty.

"Me too, actually," I confessed.

"It's weird, huh? We've gone all this time, and none of us talk about it." He stopped hammering and looked up at the house. What we did was…He stopped mid-thought, switching gears. "Do you regret it?"

I took a deep breath, letting out a huge sigh before answering him. What we did was wrong, absolutely. But did I regret it? I thought long and hard, remembering back to that time and how crazy and desperate things had become. I would have done anything to make things right, get them back to normal.

"No. I don't. But would I do it now?" I looked at him, his shoulders were hunched over waiting for my answer. "No. I was in a different place back then. I was grieving, we all were, and we were desperate. I'd like to say, 'we're only human' and we did what we thought was right, but that seems a little … inappropriate."

He nodded his head, while still looking at the house. If Carlisle had been there, it might've been different.

"It might have, but he wasn't and we did the best we could." I placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "Why are you bringing this up now?"

He turned, sitting on the workhorse that we were using to cut the wood. He held the hammer in his hands and was bouncing it up and down, thinking hard about what he was going to say. "It's just, we plan on staying here, right? These humans… we're opening ourselves up to them, and I'm not sure if it's a good idea." His eyebrows knitted together, almost as if he was in a bit of pain. "Rose is so excited, she pretends she isn't, but I know her better than she knows herself. It's going to kill her if something happens . If we can't stay."

He was right. Anything could happen, all it would take would be a little slip from any one of us, and the idea of this picture perfect home would be shattered.

"And Esme, and Carlisle, they haven't been this happy in a long time. They're back to being affectionate. Have you noticed?" Emmett's lip turned up a bit in disgust, like a son's would if he walked in on his parents in an intimate embrace.

I laughed at the image that he was portraying in his head. "Yes, believe me, I have noticed." I tapped the side of my head, reminding him that I was a lot more privy to things than just the visual stuff.

"Ew, right! Sorry." He chuckled, but his voice soon turned grave. Scowling, he continued. "It's just, I've a bad feeling that this can't last. And being back here, feels wrong, Edward. It's not how it should be, this was not how it was supposed to be. We all deserve the happy ending."

"Emmett …" I tried to cut him off, but he kept talking.

"I don't deserve this, not after what I did," he stopped me abruptly, looking up at me earnestly. "That's why I agreed to 'help you,' you know?" And there it was. I knew this conversation was coming, I just didn't realize how much he had thought about it to the extent he had.

"Listen, Emmett , Carlisle was right. It was wrong of me to ask that of you. I'm sorry. I never should have."

"Wait . Carlisle knows?" He sucked in a breath. How did that go down? he thought silently, shocked I had confessed to Carlisle.

"How do you think?" I said dryly.

He snorted, laughing at the idea of Carlisle and me having that conversation. Shaking my head, I couldn't help but grin alongside him. Only he would see the humor in that conversation. Emmett was strong and solid, and usually fairly carefree—always had been—so when he was serious like he was now it was never to be taken lightly.

"Carlisle and I came to an understanding, and when, not if, the time comes, he said he would be the one," I said quietly, feeling a little uncomfortable having this conversation with him again. I never should have involved him, but again, at the time I thought it was the best option I had.

As if he could read my thoughts he said, "I'm glad you asked me . I've my own penance too. And if you're still determined, I stand by my promise." He sighed, smiling sadly up at me.

"Well, it may turn out differently. The wolves may want a sacrifice for the treaty…"

At hearing my words, Emmett's thoughts turned fierce. "WHAT!" he yelled. After all we've done for those lousy, mangy mutts! No way, Edward! No freakin' way! He slammed the hammer down on the piece of plywood, splitting it in two with the force of his blow. "I won't let them have the satisfaction," he said through enraged breaths. "Never."

I could see why Carlisle had been adamant about getting Emmett away for a little bit, at least until we had the chance to scope things out at the compound. Things would have gotten very ugly back at the bunker with him locked in there with us. I was in the process of trying to calm him down, almost wishing for Jasper's abilities, when we both heard the sound of a vehicle —Bella's truck—coming up the road toward the house. My stomach did a little flip at the sound of it, I supposed it always would, and again, I wanted just one of my wishes to come true; to have Bella sitting behind the steering wheel.

As the truck finally made its way up the driveway, it was a rush of a thousand heartbreaks all over again, and I was glad Jasper wasn't here to feel it. Seth and, from what I could tell, Leah, were in the cab of the truck.

I couldn't deny that it was a pleasure to see them, despite my sentiments of wishing for someone else, but no one was more thrilled than Alice. She ran out of the house, almost bouncing with her excitement. She clapped her hands and exclaimed in a very high pitch voice, "Just the two people I was hoping to see! You're just in time," and she linked arms with them, dragging them into the house before Emmett and I could even say a 'hello.' Leah looked over her shoulder at me, pleading endlessly, while Emmett and I just shook our heads laughing, our earlier conversation forgotten for now.

You two need to put a ball cap on, or they're gonna notice you look different, Alice spoke to me in her head, warning me. I could tell from the scrambled thoughts in the house that Rosalie and Esme were rushing around to try to make do with the short notice. Alice stalled a little bit on the porch, introducing herself to Leah, and welcoming Seth again, while Emmett and I ran to the back door grabbing hats from the closet. We had enough dirt on our faces and hands that it would be tough to notice much, and figured it was the best we could do.

Eventually, when the coast was clear, Alice dragged everyone into the living room where Esme and Rosalie were sitting in amongst the supplies and preparations for the impending festival. Emmett and I noticed Carlisle was nowhere to be seen. Smart man, Emmett's thoughts mirrored my own as his eyes swept the room and the chaos that was everywhere.

As soon as Jacob had given the okay, Alice went into full-blown planning mode. She was holding nothing back, and I couldn't help but wonder if she wouldn't come crashing down soon. It had only been two weeks since Jasper had left, and her behavior was starting to be worrisome. But if it kept her mind from thinking about the worst, like the rest of us were doing, then I was happy to oblige her . I wasn't so sure that Leah and Seth were though.

I did some quick introductions, and Esme greeted them as her usual, warm self, embracing them and welcoming them into our home. Rosalie went to get drinks and some snacks to offer them, while Alice filled them in on the plans for the festival.

From what I could tell, Leah was extremely overwhelmed, this being the first time hearing about it, and combine that with meeting the rest of the family, Leah was about to run to the truck and high-tail it back to the compound.

"You'll have to forgive my sister, Leah, she can be somewhat overwhelming. Sometimes she gets carried away and automatically assumes people she's just met are old friends of hers," I said, apologizing for the family, hoping to relax Leah a bit.

"I do not!" Alice huffed a little, sitting next to me on the couch, glaring. Thanks a lot. I shrugged my shoulders apologetically.

"Well, Leah, does just the opposite. She hates everyone she first meets, so it's a good combination." Seth nudged his sister.

"I do not!" She shoved him back.

Everyone laughed in unison as Alice and Leah sat with their arms folded in disagreement across from each other. Leah looked at Alice, a little smirk formed on her lips, and seconds later the two sourpusses joined in our laughter.

Alice and Esme managed to fill Leah and Seth in on their plans, and despite their initial wariness, they seemed to genuinely love the idea of helping bring some joy to the lives back at the compound. We left the four women to their own devices, Leah seemed to be finally at ease with them, and Seth was truly shocked. He was surprised that Leah was actually enjoying herself, and with a group of women no less. It seemed Leah pretty much stuck to herself, and besides her cousin, Emily, and Jacob, she trusted few people to consider them friends.

Emmett, Seth and I went outside in search of Carlisle, we hadn't heard from him in a few hours, and I was sure he would want to know we had visitors. The night we met with the wolves, he had been checking out the dried up streambed, curious about where the water might have stopped. He wouldn't have gone far, and I assumed he was searching for a new source for water.

We eventually found him out by Esme's garden. He had found a new source and was rigging up some kind of watering system.

"Seth!" he yelled, smiling in our direction. "What brings you out here? Charlie with you?" He was standing knee deep in mud covered in it from head to toe, soaking wet, and looked like a man of worth, happy in a hard day's work.

"Why didn't you ask me for help?" Emmett said laughing at the ridiculous scene playing out in front of us. Even though Carlisle was a vampire with super strength and energy, we still considered him 'our father' and seeing Carlisle, the respectable surgeon, trying to rig up anything was a little much for Emmett to take.

"I have it all under control," Carlisle said, a little offended at what Emmett was implying. He was clearly stuck in the mud, and was bent over at the waist, trying to reach for a pipe that was just out of his reach.

"Sure you do," Emmett teased, grabbing the pipe that was inches from Carlisle's grip. "You need help out of that bottomless pit, or you got that too, old man?" He passed the pipe to Carlisle who begrudgingly accepted it from him, ignoring his comment.

Seth was snickering beside me. "Are they always like this?"

A little shocked at his question, I had to think for a moment before answering him. "Actually, no. They aren't," I said truthfully. They really weren't like this. Carlisle wasn't like this at all. At least he hadn't been for many, many years. Something in him had changed since our visit to the compound, and I wasn't the only one who had noticed, thinking of Emmett's earlier comment about Esme and Carlisle. It was as if something in Carlisle that had long been buried and forgotten had surfaced. He was alive again.

I stood for a moment admiring the look on his face as he took a swing at Emmett who was now poking a stick at him, taunting him about being stuck. Carlisle always looked young, he was forever stuck at twenty-three, but there was always an air about him that allowed him to pass as much older. He had seen so many things in his lifetime, and had experienced so much more, that he never truly looked twenty-three. But as he continued to yell at Emmett, while struggling to get free of the mud, they looked more like brothers than they ever had. I could tell from Carlisle's thoughts, he could have easily broken free of the mud, but for Seth's benefit, he was playing along, not willing to demonstrate too much strength.

"They're all the same, aren't they?" I was snapped too suddenly out of my thoughts by Seth to understand what he had meant. "The older they get, the more stubborn they are about needing help. Charlie's the same way," he explained further.

"Yeah," I laughed with him, even though I hadn't really experienced what he was saying. My real father died before I got to know him as an adult, and as much as Carlisle was my father, he was not the same as a human father and never would be.

"Esme is going to kill you, when she sees what you've done to her garden!" Emmett taunted, finally stopping his assault on Carlisle.

"She'll love that I've figured out a way for her to water everything."

"Yeah, except there's nothing left to water!" Emmett howled.

"What do you mean?" Carlisle said a little panicked, trying to turn around to see what he meant. Emmett wasn't exactly wrong. Carlisle had created a giant mud pool with all the water that was streaming from the cracks in the pipe, and the pipes were crushing some of the new plants that had just started to grow.

Carlisle started cursing in his head, as he lifted up one leg, all pretences aside now, and the mud made a slurping, suctioning sound as his leg came free, followed by the other one. "We'll clean this up before she sees."

"You said you didn't need any help."

"Emmett!" Carlisle growled out his name.

"Alright. Alright!" Emmett said backing up with his hands in the air. "God forbid Esme is mad at you for any second of the day," he grumbled. "You know, I would've thought you'd like that …" He wriggled his eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes at Emmett's insinuations, because now the images in Carlisle's head were causing me to groan. "Thanks, Emmett," I mumbled, disgusted at how Emmett always managed to turn any conversation toward sex.

Seth was still laughing, amused with our exchange when we heard Leah screaming his name in the distance, her voice panicked. I narrowed in on her thoughts, and the others back at the house, then looked directly at Carlisle. "It's Angela. She's in labor."

Carlisle and Leah had left in the Jeep, leaving Bella's truck for Seth to drive back. We all knew that truck wasn't capable of any kind of decent speed, and it was decided that I would accompany Seth back to the compound because Leah refused to leave without knowing Seth would not be travelling alone. The call had come in over the radio in the truck, and with their vampire hearing, Alice, Esme and Rosalie had heard it. Rosalie had excused herself with the pretense of getting something from the garage, and came back relaying the news to Leah.

Leah and Carlisle sprang into action, knowing full well that Angela's baby was just shy of thirty-two weeks, and without Leah there, Sue would be ill-equipped to handle a premature birth. The Jeep tore out of the driveway, tires squealing on the gravel as Seth and I yelled promises of getting there as soon as we could. The others were going to stay behind, we didn't want to upset the wolves anymore than we needed to. For the most part, things had been going well, but there was no need to 'stir the hornet's nest,' as Esme liked to say.

I jumped into the passenger side of the truck, and immediately I was filled with sorrow. The truck itself smelled exactly as how I remembered, but all traces of Bella were gone. It looked exactly the same, apart from the dash where the radio had been. In its place was a CB radio now, and I remembered finding the radio in the back of Bella's closet almost a decade ago. I gently traced the scratches around the edge of the hole, knowing it was her hands that caused them.

Seth watched out of the corner of his eye, and his thoughts were curious. "Charlie said she ripped it out for no good reason. He never knew why she did it. He came home from work one day and she was just hacking away at it with a screwdriver."

I traced every one of the marks, not sure what I was expecting, but I just felt compelled to touch every one of them. "It was a gift from my brothers and sisters for her birthday. Before … we left." I wasn't sure why I told him, there was something about Seth that made my barriers come down a little when I was around him. Maybe it was because his thoughts were always honest, and knowing that what he said was genuine I felt I could trust him.

"You know, I think that's why Jake hates you so much," he confessed, turning his head to smile at me.

I laughed, almost grunted really. "I don't think that's the only reason."

"Maybe, but I'm not sure you really understand. See, the Blacks and Charlie have been friends since anyone can remember. Charlie's like a second father to Jake, well, he's like a second father to pretty much everyone, with Jake especially. Charlie's not one for the emotional stuff, but when Bella came to live with him, something in him changed. I don't really remember, but Billy and my mom talk about it an awful lot."

I remembered Carlisle saying the same thing about Charlie at the time.

"Jake changed too. He always had a thing for her when they were kids, and when she came back, well all grown up, you get the idea. So I'm sure the jealousy between you two starts there a little bit, but that's not the reason for why he hates you. He holds your family responsible for driving Bella away from Charlie. When he couldn't get in touch with her in those last few days before the bombs, Charlie blamed himself. He spiraled deeper and deeper, and no matter what Billy and Jacob did, the guy just wouldn't come back."

"But he did, right?"

"Yeah he did. I think my mom had a lot to do with it. She was grieving for my dad, and he was grieving for Bella, and they just kind of found comfort in that."

"So you see, Jake has other reasons, and I just wanted you to know that. He doesn't want Charlie to get hurt again. And Jake can hold a grudge. Believe me, he doesn't like to let them go." He started laughing.

"Thanks, knowing that helps a bit." I looked out the window at the passing scenery and filtered through the rest of his thoughts, picking up on some of his own hostilities toward Jacob. "So what did you do to him, then?" I turned back to him, grinning.

He chuckled. "That obvious, huh?" He rubbed his jaw, scratching it with his thumb. "Aw nothing much, I just don't hold too much stock in his little gang."

"Gang?"

"Yeah, the guys from La Push, you met some of them in the bunker the other day." Assholes. "The thing that pisses me off is that Jake hated Sam and his gang, and then one day, there he is hanging out with them, and he's an asshole just like the others. And now that it's his gang he's the biggest asshole of them all. He walks around like he runs the place. I mean, don't get me wrong, they're always doing stuff for the compound, like supplying fresh meat, and the few times there's been a threat to the compound from outsiders, they take care of it. It's just…" He ran his hand through his hair, and I knew it bothered him that he was never included in their excursions. "Ugh, they just annoy me. Like the five of them think they're better than anyone else, and it pisses Jake off when I don't listen to him. So you see," he turned to me and gave me a wicked grin, "you're not the only one that can make him miserable."

We drove in silence the rest of the way, and I felt my thoughts wavering from the present to the past. My earlier conversation with Emmett was weighing heavily on my mind. What we had done was unforgiveable, but without Carlisle to guide us, we had done the best we could, or what we thought was anyway. The time in the bunker was such a contrast to how we lived our days now, and hopefully the family's dark times were behind us. As Seth drove through the gates to the compound, I realized it actually felt good to have an ally in him, a possible friend that wasn't a vampire or a family member. I had forgotten what that felt like.

2006 -:- Past Memories

A week had gone by and neither Emmett, nor Jasper, had told anyone what I had tried to do with the rabbit. Luckily for me, Esme had sent Emmett back to the bunker alone to check on us and it was only him who walked in on me in my moment of sheer desperation.

I was still ashamed by what I had done; I could barely even look at either of them and I was grateful neither of them felt the need to discuss what happened. Emmett's sudden appearance had immediately sobered my emotions. As I stared at the blood-stained sheets, I could only hope that it was Jasper's emotions that had influenced me to the frantic state I was in. Emmett never spoke a word as he carried Jasper back to the bedroom, while I sat silently on the couch with my head in my hands. Even in his thoughts he was kind to me as he diligently cleaned up the soiled sheets and mopped the floor with bleach. He covered my tracks effortlessly, then sat down on the couch next to me and gently patted my knee in comfort. He gave me one quick, reassuring smile and then pushed play on the DVD player. All I could do was settle in next to him, while I mind-numbingly stared at the screen, waiting for the others to return.

Emmett never breathed a word of any of it, not even to Rosalie.

Jasper had forgiven me, but unfortunately his disposition had not changed and he continued to go through good and bad moments just like the afternoon I had been left alone with him. And he still refused to feed. The only conclusion I could think of as the reason for his refusal, was the blood would make him stronger, which could quite possibly amplify his power. The weaker he was, the less his empath side reacted. He wasn't sure if it was a possibility, but he wasn't willing to try to test the theory by feeding. We all took shifts to be with him, just so we could give Alice a break. It was proving to be very difficult to get her away from Jasper, but we were terrified what too much exposure would do to her. Her lack of visions continued to haunt her, and she was becoming more and more melancholy.

We had been busy enough in the last week, no one had a moment to themselves while in the bunker, and venturing outside wasn't a much better alternative. Both places were dismal and packed with gloom. Despite our best efforts to keep positive and happy around Jasper, sometimes it just got to be too much to battle the emotions he was projecting.

I wasn't sure if my siblings truly appreciated what they had. Rosalie was so wrapped up in what was happening topside, she barely gave Emmett a moment's notice, and Emmett dutifully trailed after her hoping to help her in any way that he could. Alice's spirit diminished daily alongside Jasper, and I was afraid she would join his fate eventually. And Esme…she tried to stay optimistic, but she was wearing herself out. She never rested, whether it was caring for the animals, or returning to the humans, supplying them with blankets, water and whatever little food we had. In the past week, I don't think I saw her sit down once. I was sure if she sat, it would be the end of her strength and she would never get up again.

I had started going to the hospital every day to visit Carlisle, but I was still unable to convince him to come home. The family had started to grow suspicious of my absences, and it was getting harder to make up reasons of why I wanted to go alone. Mostly I used the excuse that I needed time to myself, throwing out Bella's name occasionally, and then they would back off immediately. I knew it was wrong of me, but it wasn't a total lie. The journey back and forth to the hospital was always somewhat cathartic. It allowed me the time to be alone with just my thoughts, no buzzing from the other five, and no disparaging thoughts competing with my own. Of course, this usually caused me to miss Bella even more, she was the one person who had been able to give me peace of mind.

Every day was the same. I would go to the hospital, dress in scrubs and seek out Carlisle. And each day, he refused to talk to me about anything other than the hospital and definitely refused to entertain the idea of coming back with me to see the others. His thoughts were not very helpful either. They were usually just wrapped up in the happenings at the hospital and the countless number of patients he was attending to. He was turning into one of the hollow empty beings I passed by in the streets on my walk to visit him. He had become autonomic in everything he did. For hours a day, I followed him around the hospital, helping where he directed me, listening to his thoughts and ramblings hoping to get some insight into what was going on in there.

I continued to show up, and he was neither happy nor angry to see me, just indifferent. We worked tirelessly together, only speaking when we absolutely had to. I didn't want to push him, and for the most part he seemed content for the extra helping hands. In complete contrast to me, he treated the humans with a great amount of compassion and charm. He was warm and genuine and did his best to ease their sufferings as much as he could.

It took a while to build up to this quiet contentment. I dared not speak to him about the family, I made that mistake the second day I had visited.

It had been a huge error on my part. I pleaded with him to come see Jasper, confessing to him what I had done with the rabbit. He stood in the shadows of the hospital hallway, just staring at me, unblinking, with the most incredulous look on his face. And then he did exactly what he had done the day before, he stalked off, leaving me standing alone, dumb-founded all over again. But I wasn't about to give up, not after what I had done to Jasper. I wasn't equipped to handle the pressure of looking after them all, and my only chance of making it right was to convince Carlisle to come back. So the next day I returned, and tried a new tactic. I became his silent shadow. He was tired and broken like the rest of us, and I wasn't going to leave him to his own devices.

The highlight of my days was the walk to the hospital. I always passed by the same crumbled building where one existing brick wall still stood, and every day there was something new written on it in black charcoal. The first day was just one simple word… 'WHY.' I must admit, I spent the rest of the journey thinking about that one word in my mind, and all that it encompassed. It made the time pass by quickly.

The next day, I looked up to the wall and the word was crossed out and underneath it, something new was written… 'hail and fire mingled with blood, and they were cast upon the earth.' And again, I spent the rest of the day pondering that. I wasn't surprised to see that people had turned to the Book of Revelation. The world had suffered an apocalypse and now the man I considered to be my father, thought he caused it.

The new scribblings were something I looked forward to. Seeing these new words added on a daily basis was evidence that people were surviving. Even if the messages were of despair, or cursing God's existence, they still provided me with some hope, because each new saying was written in different handwriting which meant another person was reacting, or more importantly, living. As the days wore on, sometimes two or three new sayings would appear, and gradually, the messages were changing from doom and gloom to little rays of hope, and for one part of my day, it gave me a reason to smile.

Emmett's suspicions continued to grow. I had been leaving on my own for over a week when he finally confronted me. I was getting a backpack ready to take with me to the hospital, and Emmett joined me, getting two radios ready.

"So, where're we going?" he said, handing me a radio.

I closed my eyes for a brief second, trying to weigh the probability of me getting away with lying to him again. The chances were slim to none.

Not this time, Edward. Stop feeding me lies. I want to know where you go every day.

"I thought we'd head south of the city this time," I said, keeping it light so as not to alert the others. I looked at him, hoping he'd go along with me.

"Sounds good." He clapped me on the back. Topside, you're telling me everything. He gave Rosalie a kiss goodbye, and walked past me, hitting my shoulder as he walked through the door. I gave a slight nod of my head, letting him know I had understood.

We climbed through the rafters, standing on top, surveying the destruction and another cloudless grey sky. We hadn't gotten used to the scene, it was a shock each time we came to the surface, and we also knew that it was going to get a lot worse before it got better. Nuclear Winter, from what Jasper had researched from before, was soon to be setting in, and the humans were definitely not prepared for it. I promised myself not to be concerned with it; I couldn't add that to my responsibilities. We had our own problems, and I never said I wasn't a selfish creature.

It's Carlisle you're going to see every day, isn't it? It has to be bad if you're keeping it from Esme. He lifted his chin up, daring me to lie to him again, and by the set of his jaw, I knew I no longer had a choice. He wasn't going to stand for it any longer, even if he had to beat it out of me.

I took a deep breath, pursing my lips together letting the air out in a long exhale. "He's at the hospital," I said, not offering anything else.

"Well, I figured that much. Are you going to tell me why he's hiding out there?" I saw from the corner of my eye, his fists were clenching. He really was serious about the "beating it out of me."

"He blames himself," I said softly while Emmett scoffed. "For everything." I could see he didn't understand the severity of my statement. "Emmett, he blames himself for this…" I waved a hand over everything in front of us. All the ash and twisted metal, and destroyed buildings. "All of it!"

Emmett's head filled with irrational thoughts as his brain registered what I meant and the absurdity of it all. "Regardless of how ridiculous it sounds, it's the truth. He feels accountable for the humans and what he's done to them. He thinks he caused this, and has to help out however he can."

"Then let's go get him. He needs Esme, she'll make him see that it wasn't his fault. She'll make him come to his senses." He shrugged his shoulders, annoyed that I had left it so long. He thought it was all so simple and that I was just dragging it out in my typical emotional way.

I lifted my hands, placing them behind my head, interlocking them behind my neck. "It's not that simple, Emmett."

"Sure it is."

"No. It's not." He was about to say something else, when I cut him off. "He's lost his faith." I let the gravity of my statement sink in before I continued. Listening to his thoughts as he processed my words, he saw the seriousness of my expression, and everything clicked in place, finally.

"He's not Carlisle right now." I sat down on the rafter and explained the conversation I had with Carlisle, or lack of in this case, and shared the visits I had been having with him this past week. "I've been hoping to convince him to come back on his own. Sure, we could go there and force him to come back. But that won't do anyone any good. He'll only resent us, and it'll hurt Esme even more to feel that rejection."

"He told you there was no God?" he asked quietly, while sitting down beside me. I just nodded my head in response, not sure what else there was to say.

"He won't come back, and any mention of the family causes him stress, so much, that I think he'll run if I press him too hard." I finally had enough nerve to look at Emmett even though he continued to stare at his hands. "He has a one track mind at the moment. I just think this is how he's dealing with it. Time is what he needs. Just like the rest of us." I thought of Jasper lying in the bed and knew time was not helping him, but I had to have faith that it would help Carlisle. "I'm determined to bring him home, because I can't do this anymore. I can't be responsible for everyone. I don't want that responsibility."

Emmett turned to me, his expression filled with sadness. "I'm sorry, Edward. It's not been fair of me to let this rest on your shoulders." I've been so worried about Rose, and only Rose, I forget that you have a lot to bear too. He gave me a grim smile, before continuing. "But you could have shared this sooner. I know I'm not the most sensitive, but I understand, my brother. You just seemed so solid, and in charge, I took it for granted that you were capable of making all the decisions. Well, you were, except for that little slip up the other day." He started to chuckle, as unaffected as he usually was by any serious atmosphere. Geez, what did that poor, little rabbit do to you anyway?

I didn't laugh at his attempt at humor, I just gave him a sad smile instead.

"Jasper's tough to be around and couple that with what you've been going through?" He sighed, finishing the rest of his thoughts in his head. I'm surprised something worse didn't happen.

Emmett never did dwell on things, and it shouldn't have surprised me that he didn't think my actions were deplorable. Once again, I was grateful it was him who had been there.

"So what can I do to help? Want me to come to the hospital with you? A united front?"

"No," I sighed, "I don't think that will help. I'll handle Carlisle for now. I know I can get through to him. I guess I need you to keep the others from the same speculations you had. They can't know, Emmett."

"Consider it done. I'll handle the others, you get Carlisle, and then we can get out of this place, find somewhere new." He shuddered at all the horrors and reminders this place held.

"I'd like to go to Phoenix," I said, not even realizing I'd said it out loud. The silence between us almost became unbearable as I waited for Emmett to respond.

"Yeah, I figured you'd say that. I'd be the same way," he said quietly, nodding his head. "You want to see for yourself, I get that." He kicked his foot into a pile of ash, the ash spread up the side of his leg, clinging to his pants. Damn, Rose is going to kill me, she just washed these.

"I have to. I won't rest until I see with my own eyes and the longer we wait the less chance I have of that." Closing my eyes, I pressed my fingers into my eyes, as if I was trying to wipe the image Emmett had shared with me earlier in the week of the burnt car and the bodies.

He placed his hand on my shoulder, and said quietly, "We'll get you there, Edward. I promise."