After.
Chapter Two: Slip
Tired eyes closed, as a thumb and forefinger slowly rubbed the lids - as if to spark some sort of power to keep them open.
EDI's mechanical voice jarred the pilot as the AI spoke, "Jeff."
Joker's eyes snapped open, glancing over at the holographic display on his left.
"EDI," he replied - his voice dry.
"You need your sleep in order to function fully upon your next shift. I can take over the Normandy as you have your sleep cycle."
His normal relief pilot had been highly injured in the Collector attack – leaving Joker with long shifts.
He snarled slightly, hating when the creepy AI got motherly on him. It was a bit insulting to include something with his baby that basically took the power away from him. It no longer mattered if he was the best pilot in the Alliance. Hell - he wasn't even in that fleet anymore. The Cerberus logos that were plastered around the SR-2 reminded him of this on a regular basis. Then again – with how Shepard had treated the Illusive Man, he doubted he was Cerberus anymore, either.
"Goodnight, Jeff."
"Just don't crash us into a surprise black-hole while I sleep, okay?" Joker requested, carefully pulling himself to his feet. He teetered slightly, before he began walking off of the bridge. EDI's holographic display followed his movements - causing the pilot to shoot her...it, a back glance.
"Goodnight, EDI."
Sometimes he wondered if EDI was actually artificial intelligence, or there was a woman with a microphone and a bunch of buttons hiding somewhere on the Normandy. A slight smile pressed upon his lips as he walked across the long path to the elevator.
Most of the faces that gawked at his crippled stride weren't familiar. They were the secondary crew who he rarely ever saw. The shifts had been a bit strange since a good portion of the crew was under the care of Chakwas.
Kelly appeared from the science labs - shooting Joker a smile. He wasn't sure what her job was, honestly. She seemed to enjoy brown-nosing Shepard - but also took time to talk to everyone on the entire ship. Judging by the data-pad in her hand and the rings under her eyes, she was just ending one of these 'meetings'.
She placed her index finger against her head and made a shooting motion - pretending to die in a rather amusing fashion - before she headed off into the armory. Shaking his head, Joker continued to shamble towards the lift, not envying the woman's job. He was honestly just glad the Collectors didn't melt her away.
Entering the elevator, he took a step toward the control panel - opposite the door. His foot slid into something wet upon the floor, causing the fragile man to slide into the controls. Joker's hand hit a button - sending the lift in motion, and the man to the ground from the sudden movement.
Swearing, he took a deep breath. Sitting up, he ran his hands down his legs, unsure if there was a new fracture or not. With the 'bone weave' Cerberus had give him, he wasn't sure how breakable he was anymore. He knew he was more fragile than the average person – but didn't feel like testing the boundaries any time soon.
The doors of the elevator opened, causing Joker to slowly turn his head. He was on the highest level of the Normandy - Shepard's quarters. Under the door, he could see a strip of light shining. She was awake?
Curious, Joker crawled out of the elevator - nearly being hit by the lift's doors as he exited. Using the wall to pull himself up, he instantly felt a fracture in the shin he had feared. A hiss of pain escaped from between his lips, as he slowly moved forward. He had to walk around the ship with a fracture before - but it had been awhile, magnifying the pain. Plus he normally had crutches in those situations. Reaching Shepard's door, he knocked twice.
"Enter," Shepard's voice greeted without questioning.
Pressing a button, the door opened - revealing the strange blue lighting of Shepard's fish tank. The light created a surreal glow upon the woman's face, as she sat in the middle of her bed. Realizing the soft blue light couldn't have caused the light cast under the door, Joker frowned - bracing himself on the wall just past the door. She had just turned out the main lights.
"Commander," he greeted - the woman jumping to her feet at the sound of his voice.
"Joker?" she asked, approaching him, "Is everything all right?"
A faint smile pulled at the pilot's lips as she gently placed a hand on his shoulder. Unlike everyone else on the ship, she never cared nor asked about his condition. Hell - she didn't even ask if he was hurt, as he limped into her door looking like a kicked puppy. It was refreshing to be treated like a normal non-broken human...even if he was actually quite broken at that exact moment.
"Actually someone spilled something on the floor of the lift and I managed to slip and break my leg," he reported - embarrassed to admit his injury, but he was in enough pain in standing that he didn't care.
"Oh," Shepard frowned, as she pulled his arm around her - forcing him to use her as a crutch, "Here - take a seat on my bed."
"I can just stay out of your way on the couch," he protested, as they slowly moved across her rather large room.
Joker glanced over at her toy ships, and fought the urge to mock the woman at her childish nature. It was amusing how a war hero still wanted to collect toy ships and have pet fish.
"Your loss," she teased, helping him rest upon her black couch.
Joker glanced over at the now-silhouette of his Commander. Had she really just invited him into her bed?
"When the couch starts digging to your ass - don't say I didn't warn ya," she stated, walking over to her bed to straighten the sheets. Had she been about to sleep?
"Did I disturb you?" Joker asked, as she fetched herself a glass of water - filling a second glass for the pilot. The strip of light under her door suddenly made sense. She was going to bed right when he knocked.
"Polite people would say 'no - not at all' - but honestly I was about to pass out," she admitted, sliding the glass of water across the table to Joker, "It's fine though. I'd prefer to keep my pilot from being passed out from pain in the lift because he was too scared to knock on his Commander's door for help," she snorted slightly - shaking her head.
Joker smiled as he gently placed his legs upon the couch to protect them from any further harm, "Thanks, Commander."
"When it's the middle of the night, I'm out of uniform, the mission is over, and was possibly drunk with Chakwas earlier...does that still make me your Commander?" her voice carried a strange tone, as she sat herself next to Joker.
"Yes?" the pilot asked, a bit confused and even scared over his Commander's manner.
Shepard yawned, placing her hand over her mouth as she did so.
"The correct answer is, 'yes Commander,'" she replied with a smile - staring off into her fish tank.
Various species of fish swirled in intricate patterns as they nibbled at food that was recently released into the tank. Shepard and her damn fish.
"Wouldn't it be weird if we all started calling each other by our first names?" she asked, bracing her feet against the table in front of her. The light revealed that her night-ware included a black N7 tank-top, as she turned to look at him. A smile brushed Joker's lips at her pride of being an N7. Her features barely visible in the dim light.
"I'd be Jeff..." Joker narrowed his eyes.
"That just sounds weird."
"Yeah...like calling you Giselle."
Shepard grimaced - noticeable in even the dim light, "No - I'd be Gaz," she corrected, "Fuck my full name."
"It's a lovely name, Commander."
"It makes me think of flowers and dresses."
"Now you wearing a dress would be weird."
"The Galaxy would implode and the Reapers would win."
"It's their new plan to win, Shepard. Make you wear a dress."
"Those...bastards."
"Don't let them win Shepard!"
"I just have to resist the urge to dress like Miranda and I think I'm good."
Both pilot and Commander burst out laughing.
"Speaking of Miranda, how did that go?" Joker asked, feeling his leg swell.
"Oh right - that. I did get a bit of a lecture, but explained the reasoning you gave me - mixed with a bit of mine. She honestly seems a bit shaken by everything that's happened."
"Huh...not what I was expecting..."
Shepard turned her head away from him for a moment - giving the pilot a side-view of his Commander's face. To his surprise, he could faintly see little lights behind her eyes, giving them a faint glow. A reminder that Joker had lost his Commander once, washed over him. She was dead. He had watched it happen. Hell - it was because of him. Yet here she was. Kicking ass just as hard as before and lived through the impossible. Again.
"Thank you," Joker stated suddenly, taking a sip of the earlier offered water.
"For not dressing like Miranda therefore saving the Galaxy from Reapers? Well - I do what I can."
The pilot smiled, amused at how she was one of the few on the ship who could handle his wit and sarcasm. Hell - she had quite the arsenal of the stuff herself.
"I'm sure many of the guys on ship aren't grateful for this," Joker frowned, as Shepard laughed under her breath and shook her head.
"I should walk around the ship naked for a casual Friday."
Joker choked on his water, as he watched a smirk slide across Shepard's features.
"Won't the Reapers win?"
"Only if I wear a dress. I can't see being naked as a threat," she reasoned, toying with her own glass of water, "Or the Reapers would win every time I take a shower..." she appeared in deep thought for a moment, before turning her head towards Joker, "Need any painkillers? I know it's not much to offer but..."
Joker pondered the question for a moment, "What do you have?"
"Basic stuff. Knocks out headaches. I also have alcohol if that's your preferred poison."
"I think I'll pass," Joker waved with a hand, to remove the offer.
"Or we could get Thane up here for you to lick," she shrugged, pushing some hair out of her face.
"I don't swing that way."
"He's a hallucinogenic," Shepard stated without hesitation.
"Excuse me?"
"Like the frogs on Earth. Some of his body parts are more potent than others."
"That's more than I wanted to know."
"Same," Shepard sighed, setting her glass upon the table, "Mordin just...really likes talking."
"Oh...I'm sorry."
"I got the talk from him, Joker."
"THE talk?"
"Yes."
"Like...the one parents give you..."
"Yes."
"Birds and the bees?"
"Yes. But more like...frogs, insects, and dinosaurs."
"He gave you a talk about inter-species sex?"
"Apparently he figures that I'm a lonely woman that's too friendly with the local aliens," she shrugged, "Or maybe just wishful thinking on his part."
"So you're not going to attempt to hump a dinosaur?"
Shepard laughed, shaking her head, "While I love all my boys...I have no desire to ruin the dynamics of the people who fight with me with...sex. Plus it sounds complicated with a turian. Like...how...? Do they even have a-?"
"So Kaidan was a mistake?"
The words slipped out of Joker's mouth before he could catch himself. Probably it was from the massive amount of endorphins that were shooting through his system from the fracture in his leg.
Shepard's amused expression drifted away - her light brown eyes glued to the floor.
"I'm not sure what that was," she admitted, "That Horizon bullshit made me not really want him again. Like...dear god man. I'm sorry I didn't call you over the last two years. I was dead. Then thrown into missions. I even asked," Shepard gestured with her hands, "the Illusive Prick about Kaidan. First thing. He said he was with the Alliance and busy. Then there was a bunch of other stuff. He didn't even ask. And..."
"Kaiden is an asshole, Shepard."
"More than the Illusive Asshole?" her voice carried a happy note that Joker was glad to hear. Not long after they had been back together and on this new ship, the various crew members had started called the Illusive Man by various names. Except Miranda of course.
"Yes."
"Impressive."
"He's just too full of himself. You can do better Shepard."
"I'll be sure to tell him that when I see him in the Citadel."
Joker frowned, attempting to not give away that he already knew this information, "Why would you do that?"
"Back in the before-death-days for me, he was..."
"A special snowflake?"
Shepard silently shook her head, laughing under her breath, "I don't know. It's a bit of unresolved business in my life."
"Just use a condom when you resolve it."
Shepard stared at Joker with an expression that honestly made him want to crawl back onto the elevator.
"I wonder if it's possible to fuck a hanar," she suddenly asked, her expression quickly changing.
There was a beat of silence before Joker finally said, "That's tentacle rape."
"Not if it's consensual."
"You want to have sex with a jellyfish?"
"I should ask Mordin."
"You are a messed up person, Shepard."
"At least I don't listen to porn while flying."
Joker's mouth opened and closed a few times, before he frowned, "That's not constant, I swear."
"Wouldn't it be more frustrating then anything? Get yourself all worked up but can't take care of it?"
While their subject manner had drifted from polite to pornographic, Shepard's tone remained calm.
"It's...it's not like that."
"Right."
"I swear."
"You just need to get some, then you wouldn't have to listen to porn while hanging out with a robot that secretly wants you."
"EDI doesn't want me."
"Sure she does. You're the only one who talks to her constantly."
"She's an AI."
"What about Kelly?"
"What about her?"
"She seems nice."
"I think she's determined to get into your pants, Shepard."
The Commander laughed, shaking her head, "No."
"I swear."
"No."
"She's talked about you before."
"While bringing you food and hanging out with you on the bridge?"
"She treats me like a baby."
"She's a shrink. She has a soft spot for people she doesn't understand."
"I'm not going to fuck Kelly, Commander."
"That's an order."
"You are a bad person and should feel bad."
"No."
Joker smiled, staring at his legs, "Not to change the subject from our sex lives to my health - but is Chakwas awake?"
"She's passed out from being overworked by all the injured crew. Plus the alcohol."
"Nurses?"
"Do we have nurses?"
"I don't think so. Worth a shot. Is Chakwas really our only medical person?"
"I think so. If not, I am a horrible person for never even saying hi to them," Shepard frowned, scratching her head slightly. Silently, she stood and walked over to her bed - retrieving a rather large blanket, before quickly returning to the couch.
She gently placed part of the blanket over his legs, before draping it over the rest of his body.
"This is possibly the softest blanket I have ever felt in my entire life," Joker stated, feeling the fabric between his fingers.
"This is why I tried to get you to relax on my bed. I think they killed a bunch of small and fluffy animals for it to be made. Considering Cerberus, it wouldn't surprise me."
"Do all your blankets feel like this?"
"Yes."
"What about the mattress?"
"Marshmallows and clouds had a baby."
"That is possibly the weirdest metaphor for a mattress I have ever heard."
"But you love it."
Joker smiled. He liked Shepard. She was a very unique woman.
"What?" she asked, standing in front of him with a hand on her hip.
"You."
"What about me?" her head tilted to the side - but her expression was impossible to read, considering her back was to the light source of the room - the fish tank.
"You are possibly the nerdiest, craziest, least appropriate woman I have ever met."
"I do what I can. Or the Reapers win."
Joker smiled, shaking his head, before adjusting himself on the couch slightly.
"Ass?"
"Nah – broken leg."
"Right. Anything I can get you? I feel a bit helpless here."
"Scary words from a woman who doesn't let death stop her."
Shepard made a noise that was a bit close to a snort, before she retrieved a pillow from her bed, and set it behind Joker.
The pilot muttered a word of thanks, before his eyes scanned the room.
"What are you looking for?" she asked, studying him.
"A...bathroom? I was on my way to bed, too."
She offered him a hand to his feet, and a shoulder as a crutch - before closing the bathroom door behind him. Through the door she called, "I have an extra toothbrush in the drawer next to the sink. Toothpaste is behind the mirror."
"Well you're all set for a one-night stand," Joker commented, shaking his head.
In the bathroom, he let out a low whistle. The room was roughly the same size as the bathroom that was designed for the rest of the ship. They were really spoiling her up here.
As he brushed his teeth, he had to wonder about the woman. Why couldn't she just help him to his bed? He didn't want to breach the subject, for he had sworn he had seen this exact scenario in a porno – and didn't want to ruin his chances.
After a few moments, Joker opened the door - bringing Shepard quickly to his side to help him back to the couch. She even paused to help reset the blankets comfortably around him. Once settled, the woman wandered over to her fish tank.
"For a badass war hero, you are a child," Joker teased, carefully leaning himself back into the comfort she had provided him with.
She approached the tank, wiggling her fingers at a fish that appeared to be watching her. It swam in a little circle at her recognition, before rejoining the rest of the other fish. After a beat of silence, she finally replied, "Is that normal for me?"
Her voice was low and formed in a manner that wasn't teasing nor sarcastic. She was actually asking the question.
"What...do you mean?" the pilot asked, adjusting his hat to allow leaning against a pillow comfortably, as he watched her slim silhouette against the tank.
Her head slumped forward against the glass of the tank and her shoulders lifted slightly as she took a deep breath.
"I've kept this quiet from everyone...but I have to double-think everything I do and say."
Something inside Joker stirred at her taking trust in the crippled pilot above everyone. Above Miranda who she should technically tell everything. Above the Illusive Asshole. Garrus. Tali. And even Kelly.
"Why?"
"I died. I was destroyed. Then brought back to life. I'm always...scared that I'm not the Shepard they wanted to bring back. What if I'm a little different? I can't tell. I have all of Shepard's memories - but some decisions I...Shepard has made in the past, I question. They don't seem right."
"Shepard..."
She slowly turned her head over her shoulder - her hair sticking up slightly in the front from leaning against the glass.
"I've managed to keep these thoughts away because of the mission - but now that we're done, my brain won't stop. I just don't know."
Joker waved her over – yet the woman chose to sit atop her bed, rather than rejoin Joker upon the couch.
"Shepard, it doesn't matter who you were."
"Yes it does," her voice flat, as she stared blankly to the front of the room, "They brought me back because of who I was."
"Well from what I've seen, you're still kicking ass and adopting aliens with problems like a crazy cat lady...just like the good ol' days. Plus you just saved the Galaxy again. It's normal to doubt your past, Shep. Hindsight is 20/20, ya know. I know you've been rebuilt and have a lot of non organic parts."
"The LEDs in my eyes are cool though," she cut in, smiling slightly - shooting Joker a side-glance.
"Very true. But what I was saying is that you are you. I haven't noticed a single change in even your posture. You still stand with your hands behind your back when you randomly come say hi for no apparent reason on the bridge."
Shepard smiled, watching Joker as he spoke.
"You still stare off into space and narrow your eyes when you formulate a plan. You still talk to everyone aboard your crew - no matter how annoying or how resistant to you they are. You still drop everything to help anyone you can. You still can crash into impossible odds and somehow pull through, kick ass, save the day, and earn everyone's respect around you."
Her eyes dropped. From the dim light, Joker could just make out the fact that her cheeks had grown a bit red. Hopefully not from anger. If so, he was already dead.
"Thank you," her eyes slowly rose to his, with a small smile, before drifting away from his and narrowing slightly.
"What are you formulating?" Joker's words were cautious. He wasn't sure what to make of anything that was going on.
"All this depressing talk of me questioning my existence made me not tired."
"I nudged my leg in the bathroom against the wall and I'm cracked out on adrenaline."
"This should be cleared up with a crew-wide orgy."
Joker narrowed his eyes at Shepard, "You just want to lick Thane."
"Okay - I have to admit that having a crew member with hallucinogenic properties is kind of fascinating," Shepard shrugged, before sliding down so her head was on a pillow – hiding most of Shepard from his view.
"Can you even...you know?" Shepard asked, making slight hand motions to illustrate her point. That, he could see.
"It's not a difficult concept to figure out, Shep," Joker replied, leaning his head so he could watch her.
"So you've never...?"
"Why are we talking about this?"
"I might still be slightly drunk from my time with Chakwas..." Shepard realized, folding her hands atop her stomach, "And I'm just curious. These things float around my head all the time, and I never get the chance to just...ask. Most of the time when I talk to people it turns into this whole stop we have to make where I earn their respect."
"I always wondered why it took us so long to get to places we were told to go..."
"It's ridiculous. Every little thing that bugs them. 'We don't have to but it'll mean a lot to me if we go destroy this entire place or kill this person. It's no biggie right?'"
"You can say no."
"Then I turn into the cold-hearted bitch that everyone thinks I'm going to become. Or should be. Either way - you changed the subject."
"Damn."
"Well?"
"No."
Shepard blinked - apparently not expecting that answer, "Really?"
"I'll take your surprise as a compliment."
"I'm just...wow. How?"
"It's called being the awkward kid who breaks easily."
"Pity sex?"
"Nope."
"Tell me you've had a girlfriend at least?"
"Kinda. Not really. I throw myself fully into my work. Always have. Always will."
"And you're not chasing Kelly because?"
"Well..."
Shepard raised a brow, turning on her side so she was fully facing Joker from her bed. The pilot's eyes drifted momentarily to her chest, before shooting back to her face, "There was one time...it was late. She was drunk."
"She's a slutty drunk, isn't she?" Shepard was frowning, but appeared amused.
"Yeah...yeah. She came on the bridge and...clawed at me."
"Clawed at you?"
"Grabbed at me, okay?"
"In fun places?"
"...It's not fun when you don't want it."
"True. Sorry - continue."
"Well I tried to be a gentleman. I like Kelly and didn't want her to do anything she regretted."
"Such a gentleman."
"Well...then she started kissing me."
"On the mouth?"
"At first."
"Oh."
"Yeah. It was a bit hard to stop her once she got a hold of...yeah. Endangered my manhood if I fought her. I didn't want to fight her either, since she might randomly turn into an angry drunk and seriously hurt me."
"So you got drunk head on the bridge from Kelly?"
"I have to admit - it felt fantastic. But like...after I felt guilty. Especially since she just giggled and wandered off the bridge. Her mouth still...full."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
Shepard rolled back to her original position - staring at the ceiling.
"At least you have interesting stories," she shrugged, "Plus she still talks to you - which is better than most stories like that."
"She doesn't remember."
"Awesome."
"At all."
"Really?"
"I tried to bring up the subject, and she just started laughing about how she got so plastered the night before and didn't remember a damn thing. Then talked about waking up in the men's bathroom."
"Classy."
"Sex stories, Shep. Go."
"Excuse me?"
"I just told you something personal and lightly sexy. Your turn."
"I told you that I don't trust who I am."
"Not sexy."
"I don't really have any sexy stories that are amusing!"
"You talk of sex so casually you have to have something."
"I fucked Kaidan?"
"Were you both sober?"
"Yes."
"Did it end funny?"
"You called me to the bridge right after."
"Really?"
"Yup. I was terrified I reeked of sex for that last mission to defeat Saren."
"So that's what that smell was..." Joker scratched his beard and smiled, causing Shepard to snarl at him.
"Lies."
"Okay I admitted I'm a virgin. I don't know what sex smells like."
"We need to get you laid, my friend."
Joker simply laughed, shaking his head. His eyelids began to droop without his okay.
"On that note, I'm passing out," Joker reported, snuggling into his position on the couch, "EDI has a course set for the Citadel. We found a few shortcuts and should be there tomorrow."
"How?"
"Out of Omega-4 Relay, into the Mass Relay that's right next-door, and that can throw us right next to the Citadel."
There was a beat of silence.
"You okay Commander?" Joker asked, his voice slurring from the fatigue kicking in.
"Just didn't expect it to be so soon. Goodnight Joker."
"See ya Commander."
–
AN: AA! Long chapter is long! Sorry! I just...couldn't find a place to cut it. I somewhat got on a roll with Joker/Shepard chatter.
Rated M for: Language, future sexual situations, future violence, and so I can have freedom without fear of scarring a teen for life.
Oh – and I don't own anything ever.