CHAPTER 22
-:- Faint Heart Never Won Fair Lady -:-
2016 -:- Memories of Jasper's Past
I didn't remember much from the days or weeks after the bombs. Only bits and pieces my family had chosen to share with me. I only recalled the darkness. Everything was so empty, so dark, as if I had been swallowed by the entire catastrophe that surrounded me. I knew the weight of the world's emotion had come barreling down on me, and it was too much for my soul to bear.
My brain would tell my limbs to move, but it was like I was floating in a thick, black pool of tar. The effort to talk, even to open my eyes was excruciating and draining. I had never known what it was like to feel depressed, but the hopelessness of the world rooted deep within my body and there was absolutely no way I had been able to stop it.
As time went on, the world shifted, and the pressure did as well. Each day passed and it was a little easier to be me. I couldn't remember the day I was actually back to normal. It was such a gradual thing, until one day the despair just seemed to float away like a feather on the wind.
Now as I sat in the dark, surrounded again by this misery and forlornness, I could feel the difference. Perhaps it was the anger mixed in with the anguish, or the excitement I could feel from the vampires as they fought against each other, regardless, it was nowhere near the extent of what I had suffered over ten years ago. I had grown since then. Alice and Carlisle had worked with me over the years to compartmentalize the emotions when they threatened to engulf me again.
Maria had left me with the humans. This was her punishment. I knew she had hoped one of two things: their wretchedness would play on my empathy, or my hunger and thirst would drive me to drink from one of them. So far, I had disappointed her on both accounts.
I had taken Garrett's advice and learned to look past each one of the humans. He was right. There was nothing I could do for them, besides, I had much more important things to focus on. Seeing Bella had given me that drive and desire to make things right. She was here because of me. I would get her out of here and perhaps she wouldn't harbor too much hate for me.
I wasn't sure how long I'd been stuck down in this cave. The whimpers and cries of the humans were endless, as were the guards who came to take them one by one. I was certain now, that these were the humans who were here to feed Maria's beloved guards, and more importantly, Emilia. I had given up trying to keep them at ease, I figured it was doing them more harm if I gave them hope. They were fated to die, and perhaps so was I.
I hadn't seen Garrett or Bella since our last encounter. Maria had asked me a few questions in regards to Bella, or Phoenix as she called her, but I gave her nothing. I expected her to retaliate, but she simply put me down here, and left me.
Garrett would be trying to reach me somehow, I was sure of that, so I was content to sit and wait until he told me otherwise. I would trust him. I had no other choice.
He and Bella were close, that was evident in the way he held her, the way he caressed her cheek. I was sitting in the darkness, contemplating for the hundredth time what each one of their touches meant. It was impossible to know, but as much as I didn't want to admit it, the love was there.
"Have you had enough of the darkness, Jasper?" I heard Maria's voice coming down the tunnel. "How are you feeling?" She walked into the cave, her face glowing from the candle she carried. The light made her seem ominous, which was probably her intention; she didn't need it to see. She was alone which was also troublesome.
She was never alone.
I scrambled to my feet, dusting my pants off. "Just enjoying some quiet time," I mused.
"I can make it all go away, Jasper. It can all go. Just tell me. Tell me why you're here," she whispered in my ear. She ran her tongue along my temple down to my jaw, where she placed a soft, almost sensuous kiss on my lips.
"I'm here for you," I said with as much conviction as I could with her being so near to me.
She regarded me closely, searching out my eyes to see the hunger she hoped was there, and when she didn't, she threw her head back with laughter. It was forced, and I knew she was not amused with me.
"Well, then, I have other need of you. Come with me," she ordered.
"Of course."
"Now, see. There's something you're not telling me." She wagged her finger at me. "You were never this obedient, only when you were trying to placate me, and that was only toward the end, before you left me. You were so amicable. I should've seen it. I should've known it was coming." She eyed me suspiciously. "Now I know better." She shrugged her shoulders, and continued walking down the narrow corridor.
I followed behind her and thought how easy it would be to reach out and snap her head from her neck.
"Never think you are safe, Jasper," she said quietly under her breath. She took one more step forward and quickly turned on me, her hands reaching for my neck as she slammed me up against the wall. "That's the key," she hissed. "I will find out what you're doing here." I felt her menacing threats. They echoed through my body. I could fight her here and end this. One simple calculated step and I would kill her. I hesitated a moment too long. Four of her guards appeared at the end of the corridor just as she released me. Turning me toward them, they reached for me dragging me along with them.
"Ta-ta for now, Jasper." She waved at me, smiling.
.
I WAS SPRAWLED OUT on the same platform where Emilia had sat when I first encountered her. It felt like some kind of altar, and I was an offering with each of my limbs spread eagle, being held down by a vampire. It didn't look like they wanted to be here anymore than I did, but they held on tightly as if their lives depended on it, which I had no doubt it did.
The room still looked the same, although the humans had been changed up. Not that it mattered; their fate was the same as the ones before them. These humans' emotions were much different than the others I had just been with. They were terrified, and if they weren't, they were hoping for a quick death. The same thought crossed my mind briefly. I had no idea what Maria had in store for me, but I couldn't imagine it was going to be pleasant.
I tried struggling, but it was no use, the grips of the four vampires holding me down were solid. The only thing to do was to wait, which I did, until eventually a visitor appeared at the door.
"Maria said I could come play with you." The devil-child's sharp voice rang through the air, and I noticed the humans in the room cowered by her presence.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was sure Emilia's idea of "play" was not exactly the same as most seven year-olds. She skipped over to me, her pigtails bouncing and her eyes gleaming as if she'd just found an exciting new toy. She was wearing another new dress; this one was vibrant sky blue, which only seemed to make her eyes glow brighter in the dim lighting of the room. She held two thick, pink satin ribbons in her hands and was holding them up in the air.
"Do you like my ribbons?" she asked, smiling widely.
I didn't answer, I just narrowed my eyes, waiting for her to do something unexpected.
"I said… do you like my ribbons?" She held them up to my face.
"Yes, they're very pretty."
"I like pink."
"It's a good color."
"You don't like pink!" She giggled just like the little girl she should have been. "Boys don't like pink."
So far the conversation was nothing out of the ordinary, but from the emotion in the room, I knew it was only a matter of time before the child turned on me. It was like playing with a deadly snake, no sudden movements, but eventually that snake was going to bite.
"Maria said you were in my room to be taught a lesson. She said you did something very bad." She trailed the ribbons across my eyes, and down the side of my cheek. "They're very soft, aren't they?"
"Yes. They are," I said cautiously while she continued to draw the ribbons down the length of my body. She stopped at the end of the platform, and I felt her hands touching my boots.
"These are big boots." With my eyes shut tight, I felt her emotions turning sour. Her hands rubbed softly along the leather toe of one of my boots.
"I don't like them." I lifted my head slightly to watch her remove them and my socks. "You don't need them."
She ran the ribbons along both feet. My legs were spread apart and still being held down by Maria's guards. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was a little too exposed for my liking.
"Soooo soft," she breathed, her head tilted to the side as she wrapped one of the ribbons around the top of my foot. She whipped it away, and held it in the air for me to see. The excitement was still evident in her eyes.
She proceeded to lace the ribbon in between my toes, like she was weaving. She ran the ribbon, up and over each one of my toes, and then back again. She went for a third pass, but realized she was running out of ribbon.
"There's not enough," she pouted, ripping the ribbon from my foot. She huffed, and crossed her arms, examining my feet. If Emilia really was a venomous snake, like the king cobra for instance, this would have been the moment when that snake would've reared up and spread its hood. I saw the look in her eyes, and I felt the venom in her emotion. She was getting ready to strike, complete with the characteristic hiss of the king cobra.
I thrashed against my captors but there was nothing I could do. Their grips were steady while I panicked wondering what the devil-child had planned in that head of hers. It was quick. I didn't even feel it, at least not until I looked down at the missing digit on my right foot. The little demon had ripped off one of my toes. I screamed, but more from the horror than the pain.
"That's better," she sang while I cursed and howled with repulsion.
My breaths were quick, and my chest heaved as I arched my back trying to break free from my confines. I screamed at her through clenched teeth, but she regarded me as nothing more than a toy she had broken, discarding the piece because now it was useless. She threaded the ribbon through the my toes again, this time making a third pass easily enough without the extra toe to have to go around.
"It fits!" she exclaimed as if she had put the last piece of a puzzle together.
The vampires holding me down were smiling, but I could hear the cries and whimpers of the humans behind me. I felt each one of their emotions, they were grateful it wasn't them in my position, especially knowing what was coming next. I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath while I waited. I could hear her humming a rhyme, as she touched each one of my toes on my left foot.
"And this little piggy went…" she said out loud twisting my toe with each word, "wee, wee, wee all the way home." And just like that she had removed another toe. I howled at the pain this time. It was slow and done with careful deliberation and was too much to take. This twisted little fiend was going to rip me apart piece by piece.
She finished with my left foot and stood back admiring her work. Emilia clapped, jumping up and down pointing to my feet that were now adorned with her pink satin ribbons.
"Look, Flora!" she exclaimed to the vampire that I had assumed had taken on the role of her nanny. They stood at the end of the platform while Flora praised her for her 'talent.' Hoping to garner some sympathy from them, I projected all of my pain at them. I could tell it was affecting the other vampires and Flora, but Emilia seemed impervious to my attempts.
Having lost interest already, Emilia slowly walked closer to my head. I couldn't help but flinch from her closeness while she reached out to touch a spot on my arm where my shirt sleeve had risen up.
"What are these?" she asked, pointing to one of the silver threaded scars on my arm. She waited for me to respond, when I didn't, she turned to Flora.
"They're scars," Flora said.
"But you said we can't have scars."
"Those are scars from a vampire's teeth. That is the only way, the only thing sharp enough to cut through our skin," Flora explained.
"Really?" Emilia asked with wonderment and curiosity in her eyes. "Those lines are from teeth?" She gently traced the outline on my arm. "I want to try!" She looked to Flora, pleading, as did I. Flora turned her head from my gaze, and I felt her pity and her sorrow, while Emilia's teeth sank into my arm not waiting for an answer. My jaw tensed as I clenched down, trying to stop myself from screaming. It was only a bite. I had suffered though dozens and dozens of bites in my past life, I could get through a child's bite.
She giggled as she rubbed the spot where she had bitten my arm. "So will that leave a mark?" she asked, her eyes wild. Flora could only nod in response. "I want to try another."
"Emilia, perhaps it's not wise. Can't you feel what he's doing? And Maria said—"
"I don't care!" Emilia abruptly cut off Flora. "I want to do more!" She glared back at Flora, and it was clear the woman was terrified of this little girl. Flora was pleading with Emilia as I pushed my abilities on the room, trying to make them feel my emotions.
"Fine. I'll stop him. You won't feel him anymore."
.
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW long Emilia had been using me as her own little experiment. I had lost track of the number of bites she had inflicted on my body. While she continued to deliver each little stinging puncture down the length of my torso, I was somewhat grateful she had absorbed my ability. I didn't have to feel the despair from the humans, the terror from the guards, or the pity from the woman, but mostly I was grateful I didn't have to feel the malicious intent of the child.
She explained to Flora she was drawing a picture, and I was her canvas. As I lay there, shirt wide open, waiting for her next method of torture, I shut my eyes, allowing myself to drift away from this place, hoping that whatever Emilia had planned, the only permanent thing I would lose would be the toes she had casually tossed into the fire.
There was a brief interlude from her assault, and I hazard to open an eye. She was standing on the platform beside me, looming over me, contemplating her work. Her chin was held in her hand with her head titled to the side. She closed one eye and took a step back to get a different angle.
"Flora, can you see what it is?" she asked.
Flora stumbled on her words, not sure what to say. I was past the point of caring, and turned my head with indifference. It didn't matter how much I protested, no one was going to help me, and no one was going to stop her.
"I-I'm not sure, Emilia," Flora replied timidly.
"You can't see it!" Emilia screamed and stomped her foot. "It's a house! It's just like the one you used to live in before we found you, silly. I made it for you."
"Oh, right, of course. I see it now." Flora tried to chuckle. "Thank you, Emilia." Flora was trembling with fear, and luckily I couldn't feel it. It was not something I wanted to add with my own.
"Well, it's not exactly like the day we found you. The sun was in the sky that day."
"I see you've been keeping busy, Emilia?" Maria said from the doorway. "How lovely to see the two of you getting along, Jasper." I could hear the amusement in her voice. She strutted toward us, and examined my feet. "What have you done with his toes, sweetheart?"
"They didn't fit."
"I see." Maria shrugged. "Small price, isn't it, Jasper?" She actually smiled sadly. "Emilia get down from there and leave us."
"No! I'm not finished!" she whined. She must have let her guard down, for I felt a rush of sensation as all of the emotions in the room came flooding back to me. I actually gasped and Emilia giggled knowing exactly what had happened. Maria's head snapped around to face Emilia thinking she was giggling at her.
"Child, do what I say. Leave us," she ordered, her voice threatening. The two of them stared at each other, neither willing to give in to the other. Emilia's shoulders relaxed a little, and she turned back to me smiling and glaring.
"But I didn't finish the sun," she whispered so low, my emotions stirred, and before I could process it, she lunged at me, her teeth bared, and I felt them sink into my skin just around my eye.
Maria rushed her, and with one swing, Emilia vaulted across the room hitting the wall.
"He's no good to me blinded!" she yelled. Maria turned back to me, and placed her hand on my cheek. She bent to take a closer look at my eye, examining it for damage. "Still intact," she muttered to herself. I could hear the demon-child laughing nervously, almost uncontrollably from across the room.
"Flora, do your job," Maria chastised the woman, while still looking at my eye. Her eyes swept down the rest of my body, and I felt the remorse coming off of her.
"Yes, Maria, I-I'm sorry," Flora said, grabbing Emilia by the hand, leading her out of the room. Her giggles could be heard for a few minutes more while they walked down the corridor.
"The face and hands were off-limits," Maria tried to comfort me. "So were the feet, but toes are a technicality." She straightened up. "Don't worry, she'll be punished for this."
"That makes it all better," I replied dryly, turning my head from her. The venom from her bite around my eye was stinging and instinctively, I wanted to rub it, but my arms were still being held.
"Let him go," Maria said quietly, motioning with her head for them to leave, although I knew they were not far, ready if Maria needed them.
I winced as I slowly sat up swinging my legs over the side of the platform, the palm of my hand pressing hard on my eye. Her hand touched my shoulder and I flinched from her, putting my back between us.
"Don't," I warned her, reaching down to remove the ribbons from my toes. I was alive, and in relatively one piece. The wounds on my feet were already starting to heal, the pain was diminishing and was now concentrated around my eye. I looked down at my chest noticing the puncture marks along my stomach, Two straight lines that ran from shoulder to hip, and another line that ran across my stomach along my navel. A matching horizontal line ran parallel across my collarbone, connecting the lines to form a square. I noticed the other bites that made up the details of her drawing. This would forever be marked on my skin, my own personal tattoo given to me by an unholy abomination. I was thankful there were no mirrors in this place, I didn't want to see what she had done to my eye.
"An immortal child, Maria?" I said, my voice thick and filled with disgust. "There's a reason they're forbidden," I whispered.
"Forbidden by whom? Who makes the rules for our kind, Jasper?" she tested me.
"The Volturi will never allow this."
"They don't exist anymore," she countered quickly, as if she knew exactly what I was going to say.
For just a moment, I felt her alarm, even she didn't believe her words completely. "You don't believe that."
"Well, if they did, how would they come here?"
"Maybe they were already here?" I thought about the little vampire that Maria had destroyed a few weeks back. The one that rambled about the twins.
"Is that it? You're with them, now? Because you know I don't believe for one second you're here for me." Her voice was tender, and it alarmed me a little. "They want her, don't they?"
"Who?"
"That's why you came…for Phoenix. You're here because of her, not me." I was confused by the feelings coming from her. She was sad, I hadn't expected this.
"Maria," I said, turning to her, "I promise you, I had no idea she was here. I had never even heard her name before my time here." I said it with complete honesty, for it was true. Bella being here was an absolute surprise.
She tenderly touched the bite on my eye again, giving me a loving smile for a moment. The kindness was brief though, and shifted as she fiercely grabbed hold of my chin. "For your sake, and hers, you'd better be telling the truth. I'll destroy her before I'll let you take her from me. If I can't have her, no one can." She left the room in one fluid motion and I was left to my own devices.
She hadn't told me I could leave, but she hadn't said I couldn't, either. Not wanting to spend another minute in Emilia's chamber, I limped down the corridor trying to get as much distance from that memory. I was still barefoot, Emilia had destroyed my boots, but as a vampire, I supposed I didn't technically need them. But I loved those boots. I'd had them longer than I cared to admit. I wasn't sure what I was more upset about losing, the two appendages, or the boots that I considered were extensions of my feet. I smiled. Alice would be ecstatic hearing the boots were destroyed, she hated those old things. My heart ached for her, although I knew she'd be happy about the boots, she would be devastated about the rest of it. If I made it out of here alive, she would not take this lightly, and I knew for a fact vengeance would be hers.
I didn't know where I was going, my only hope was to find the corridor that lead to Bella's sanctuary, but I knew that was a stretch. This place was a giant maze and every corridor looked the same. I stopped for a moment, trying to take in the scents and sounds, hoping to find my way by smell. The air was a bit cleaner, fresher where Bella hid out, but everything near me still smelled of blood and death.
"Yuh nuh dead yet." I heard a voice behind me, chuckling.
I swiveled my head around to try and get a better look at Isaac knowing it was him. "Nope, not yet," I replied, not believing my luck. "But I've a feeling you're not here by chance are you?"
"Yuh ina big choble." He looked at me gravely.
"Don't seem to have much luck, do I?" I smiled, resting my head back against the surface of the wall. He grabbed hold of my elbow, guiding me down another corridor that opened up into another dead end. I didn't protest, I felt nothing hostile from the little vampire. He was strictly doing his job, and I respected that.
"Mi nah wanna do it," he said shaking his head.
"She doesn't really give you a choice," I said staring up at the ceiling above me. "I knew her well, for many, many years." Lowering my head again, I searched his face. He looked down at the ground, and I could feel his hesitation. "Get on with it," I said to the little man, waiting for my punishment. "I know what you can do. Snakes, spiders, rats, pick your poison. I'll be honest though, they don't really bother me."
I was sure Maria had threatened him, and I kind of felt bad for the little vampire. Garrett said he wasn't really loyal to anyone, perhaps he was stuck with Maria just like I had been all those years ago.
"It's okay, really. I understand," I said trying to ease his worries.
I felt his emotion shift as soon as I finished my words. I hadn't meant to relay any kind of pity, at least I hoped I hadn't. He must have misunderstood my intention, for the spite that I was picking up on was surprising. "I didn't mean to offen—"
His head snapped up, and his face was hard as he cut me off. "Do nuh pitee mi. Mi nuh cay-re."
"I don't pity you," I said, raising my hands in defense. "I just wonder why you do it, that's all. You know she could kill you at any point."
The little man started laughing, and his white teeth almost glowed in the darkness. "Mi tell yu … evryting get da fear."
"Maria may be afraid of you, but that would never stop her if she wanted you dead. Trust me, I know how she works. Your power? I'm not sure how it works, but snakes and spiders don't really cut it, you know?" I would be lying if I said I didn't want to know how it worked, but I would wait for another time. I'd had enough for the day.
He looked at me curiously for just a second, then his eyes shifted and he frowned at me menacingly. "Wat bout yu gal? She 'ere. Maria got er."
My heart dropped at the mention of Alice, my insides were on fire and everything in my body screamed of fear. "What?" I managed to breathe out. I felt the panic rising.
"She 'ere," he repeated.
"You're lying!" I said, but he just shook his head. "You're lying," I deadpanned, glaring at him defiantly. I knew it was a trick. I knew Isaac was playing with my head. This is what he did. He played on your worst fears, and Alice following me here had been mine. How would he know that? I didn't understand the extent of Isaac's powers, but this all seemed pretty real. She wasn't here, I had to remember that, but as he played on my fears, my ability was amplifying his power and my dread was spinning out of control.
"She's not here." My fists were clenched as I fought every urge to lose control.
"Isaac!" I heard a feminine voice behind him, one I vaguely recognized, but seemed unfamiliar all the same. Isaac was pushed aside, and Bella came rushing toward me.
"Are you okay?" she breathed out with a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry I couldn't get to you sooner." She turned to Isaac. "What did you do?" she asked with such authority that the little man seemed to cower. "I told you just to bring him here, and not to play any of your stupid games, Isaac." He shrugged his shoulders apologetically. It seemed Bella had her own little following, for the voodoo vampire held her in quite a bit of esteem.
"It's okay," I reassured her. "He was just showing me how his powers worked. I was curious."
Isaac stared at me with empty eyes. "Evryting get da fear," he said in a hollow voice and I felt a chill sweep over me as he left the room.
"What did she do to you?" Bella whispered as she gently traced the bite mark around my eye.
"It's okay, I'm alright," I said as convincingly as possible. "It could have been much worse."
She lowered her head, her shoulders sagging in defeat. She nodded, knowing that with Maria, it could have been much worse. "Your feet!" she exclaimed.
I lifted her chin. "I'm alright," I pressed.
"I'm so sorry, Jasper. You shouldn't be here," she apologized. "I didn't know she would go to this extreme. We're going to get you out of here."
"That devil-child has to be destroyed," I managed to croak out.
"Believe me, I know that." Her teeth gritted together in anger. "There are others, you know? They're not as horrible as Emilia, they have no powers, but they're almost kept like pets by some of the other vampires."
"I haven't seen them."
"You wouldn't. She keeps them away from most. They're not one of her better experiments. They can't control themselves. They're too young to learn any restraint. She uses them on the raids, and that's about it." Her voice was so disconnected, and it seemed so foreign coming from the Bella I knew, or thought I knew. She had lost all emotion in the way she spoke, everything was said with purpose, and not with feeling. It felt almost clinical. Carlisle used to speak this way when he recited medical charts into his Dictaphone many years back. This Bella … was hardened.
"You must hate me," I said softly.
Her head snapped and her eyebrows creased. "Why would you say that?"
"It's my fault you're here," I clarified for her. "I felt it back in the cave. You loathe me."
"You think I hate you?"
"I know you do, for what I did the night of your birthday all those years ago."
She shook her head, but her voice was still hard. "I don't hate you, Jasper. How could I?"
"You have to blame me…" I spread my arms out, "for all of this. It was my weakness that drove us away."
"She doesn't hate you," Garrett's voice echoed through the corridor. "Believe me, I wish she would, but she doesn't. That repulsion you felt back at the cave?"
"Garrett," Bella warned.
"That's her own self-loathing."
"Don't," she warned again.
"Sorry, but it's the truth. You hate what you are, what you've become, and having Jasper here only reminds you of that. You're a good person, Nix."
"Stop it!" she said curtly, glaring at him.
"I'll stop it, when you admit it."
"I don't hate what I am. I hate who I was. Bella was weak. A frail, little human who couldn't fight back. Who no one wanted. I'm not her anymore."
"That's not true," I said. "Bella," she flinched at her name, "you were one of the strongest people I knew. You risked your life to face a psychotic vampire who wanted to torture you just to save someone you love. You still are that person. And you're wrong to think no one wanted you, that no one wants you," I finished quietly.
She bit the end of her thumb as she looked away from me. For just a moment, I glimpsed the Bella I remembered. Her inner turmoil was evident.
"He's alive," I said quietly.
Instantly, I was flooded with a rush of emotion. The heartbreak was enough to buckle my knees.
"He's alive, and God, I–I can't even tell you what it will be like when he sees you alive."
"That won't happen," she said bitterly. "Why would he care anyway?"
"Bella," I breathed out. "The family thought you were dead. We've grieved your death for ten years. Not a day went by in ten years that you weren't in our thoughts."
"Stop!" she snapped. "I don't want to hear it. It doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters. Do you know what this means? You're alive, Bella. This is … it's a miracle," I said with as much reverence as possible. "You can't imagine what we've gone through."
"What you went through!" she seethed. "What you went through? You left me. Your family left me. He left me!" She was breathing heavily as she tried to get the words out. Her eyes were wild, and the anger spilling off of her was out of control. I felt that pressure building from her, enveloping me again, but it was different this time. It was heavier as it pushed down on me, rather than surround me.
"Alice didn't even say goodbye! None of you did. That's how much you cared. So when you tell me how terrible life was for the seven of you, all together in your cozy family way, take that and multiply it by ten, Jasper, because that's a smidgeon of what my life's been like." Her fists were clenched, and it was as if the air was vibrating around her. She lowered her voice. "Don't tell me life's been hard for you unless you've been left for dead by everyone you've ever loved."
"Nix," Garrett reached for her, "ease up, come on," he said, wrapping her up in his arms.
I was still on my knees, trying to process all that she'd said. Anything I tried to say was never going to be enough. I sent her as much good and pure energy as I could, that was the only thing I could offer, because my words would only fall flat. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her all about Alice, and the rest of the family, about Edward, but she wasn't ready to hear it. It was true, that anything we may have suffered failed miserably in comparison to what she went through, but that didn't mean our sufferings were meaningless. We suffered and endured, just as she had. None of us could take back what happened, but I sure as hell was going to make it right.
I slowly stood up, moving closer to the two of them, hoping to reason with her.
"You're right, Bella," I emphasized her name. "I can't imagine what you've gone through," I said resentfully. "But I sure as hell felt what each one of my family has suffered over the last ten years. And each one of them still grieves for you. Edward…" She tried to turn from me, but I grabbed her shoulder to face me. I bent down to look at her in the eyes. "Edward," I said again, my nostrils flaring, "he's a good man, too good if you ask me, but for some screwed up reason, he doesn't see it." Her eyes softened, and so did the anger emanating from her. "He never believed he was good enough for you. Even these last ten years he's been trying to prove something to everyone and everything." I dropped my hands. "It's all been for you," I finished quietly.
Her emotions were unhindered, as were mine. I didn't want to say anything more, for fear of betraying Edward. She was different, but I could still see little parts of Bella and I just hoped the part of her that still cared for him, and cared for the family was still in there.
We didn't say anything further, but I knew she was processing everything I had said. Then I felt it. I felt a deep, resounding love hidden deep within her hardened shell. I hid it from her, but I couldn't help but smile a little.
"Garrett," she said abruptly, back to her detached self, "you have to take Jasper and get out of here. I can create a diversion, and you can make a break for it while they go on the raid."
"You know I'll never go without you." Garrett reached for her again, caressing her hair while placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.
"You have to," she demanded. "For me, I need you to leave. It's me, Maria wants. And she'll just continue to use you against me until something happens to you and I can't have that."
"We leave together," Garrett protested.
"She'll follow us," she countered and the two stared the other down, locked in a very close embrace.
"I'll get Jasper to safety, and I'll come back," he said softly running his fingers through her hair.
"As much as I appreciate your efforts," I interjected. "I'm not going anywhere without you, Bella." I leaned up against the wall, crossing my feet. "Maria thinks I work for the Volturi now. If I leave, she'll think I've gone back to them. She's vowed to destroy you before giving you up to them." I smiled, knowing I held the full house in this hand of cards. "I'm not going without you."
She quickly glanced down at my bare skin, and her remorse was apparent. "Yes. You. Are," she clipped. "I can take care of myself."
"Afraid not," I said in a long drawl. "There's another reason I can't leave you here. You know as soon as I go back, I'll tell the family you're here. They'll come down here, their own personal little army to get you out. Do you really want that? 'Cause you know they will. Emmett … Alice … Edward … all of them, even Rosalie." I laughed a little at the trick card I had up my sleeve.
"Why would they do that?" she asked.
"Bella, I've been trying to tell you. They love you and they'll risk their lives for yours. You know them. You know they will. So I'm not leaving, 'cause I can't have Alice coming down here. Maria will kill her for sure, along with the rest of them." I knew I might have been playing dirty, but it wasn't a lie. The family would do everything to get her out.
She sighed deeply looking up at Garrett. The two of them never said anything, but it was such an intimate moment, I had to look away.
"Okay," Garrett finally said, rubbing her arms. "We all go."
.
BELLA AND GARRETT HAD been planning an escape for quite a while, but all this time, Bella still thought she could stop Maria. They hadn't left yet because a part of their plan was ending the lives of Maria, Emilia and some of the other vampires that were in Maria's inner circle. Bella had every intention of killing the newborns and the humans to help contain the secret of the vampire. It was an intricate, detailed plan and they were still a few months away from making it happen. My need to escape from Maria's further attempts to harm me meant they were going to have to forgo the ultimate plan, and settle for getting us out alive.
Bella did have her own little following of vampires, and a few of the guards were willing to help. None of them were ready to leave with us though, some of them had only known this place as a vampire, and weren't willing to try to survive on the outside. Garrett assured me they could be trusted, and all I could do was go along with it. There was a time when I was the strategist, that I was the one who knew the playing field and called the shots. But here, with Garrett and Bella, I was nothing more than a bystander. I couldn't even tell which tunnel led to the surface, so I put my trust in them, believing it would come out all right.
My part was very simple, so was Garrett's, it was Bella's that was going to be the most difficult. Maria's 'food supply' was getting low, so there was a raid planned within the next week. Garrett and Bella never went on raids together. Maria didn't trust them. One stayed behind, while the other went with her, and it all depended on where Emilia was going to be. Bella always went where Emilia went.
Maria was planning a raid with some fresh newborns, so Bella was going to be needed on this one to control them. Garrett and I were simply going to walk out the front gate, while Bella was going to get lost in the shuffle and excitement of the night and quietly slip away. It seemed infallible, but I still didn't like the plan at all. Garrett seemed okay with it, which was all I needed to know. The idea of Bella alone with the blood-thirsty ravenous newborns was not something I could get used to, yet Garrett assured me that was the least of our problems.
The night of our departure had finally arrived, and I was thankful. Maria had left me alone—to heal she said—but I was no longer under her radar, and we all knew it was only a matter of time before she felt the need to 'question' me again.
The caves were over-wrought with all kinds of excitement as the vampires geared up for the evening. It was a bit chaotic which served us well. No one took special notice of our quick glances or hand signals, or the nervousness playing out on our faces.
I was alone, leaning up against one of the walls watching everyone rush around trying to get where they needed to be. I saw Maria across the other side of the cavern. She looked up and smiled at me, making her way over.
"Jasper, care to join us?" she asked. "You might like it."
I forced the panic down, and felt the calm take over. "I wouldn't know what to do. I'd only be in the way," I said, smiling back at her.
"True, perhaps tonight isn't the best of nights. But you'll have to learn at some point." She tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. It was such a tender gesture, and yet it sickened me. She leaned in closer, whispering, "You be ready for me when I get back." She nibbled my ear, and it took every bit of will power not to recoil in disgust. It was a lover's goodbye, she told me, just like the men who used to go off to war, leaving their brides at home. She laughed at her own analogy, patting my cheek. "It's just like before, only this time it's me going and you'll be waiting to reap the benefits of my return."
I saw Garrett's eyes watching me, probably waiting for Maria to do something. I couldn't see Bella, but I had no doubt she was watching as well. I briefly nodded my head, letting him know I was alright. I could see his sigh of relief from where I stood. Eventually he made his way over to me, just to make sure.
"It couldn't be better timed." I shuddered at what might have transpired if we weren't leaving tonight. I knew for a fact, I wouldn't have gone through with whatever she had planned, which would have ultimately led to my death.
"I hear you, Tex, I hear you. That woman has it in for you." He chuckled a little, squeezing my shoulder.
"Ready?" Bella said from behind me.
"Absolutely," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could without garnering too much attention.
"Okay, then. I'll meet you at the rendezvous," she said callously, and it was still a shock to hear her speak in that tone. Apparently it was for Garrett too, because he grabbed her hand as she started to turn away and pulled her into another embrace.
"You know if you're not there, I'm coming for you," he said lightly.
"That's not the plan," she argued.
"Screw the plan, you just make sure you're there, then we won't have to worry about that," he tried to joke.
"Garrett, you promised me you'd get Jasper out," she whispered.
"I did. But I don't really give a rat's ass about this Texan, that's all you, so if you want him and me to be good, then you'll stick to the plan." He held her cheeks and gently said, "You can't take her out, Nix. We ain't ready for that. There'll be another chance." She closed her eyes while he kissed her forehead, and all I could do was think back to Maria's words … this was a lover's goodbye.
Something was off in their embrace though, like it was one-sided. Bella looked at me awkwardly, and for the first time since seeing her, I realized this would have been the moment when human Bella would have blushed. She averted her eyes from my gaze, nervously running her fingers through her hair. She cleared her throat, pushing away from Garrett.
"Just so we're clear," she said to me. "We get you back to the family, and then we're gone. I don't want to talk about them, any of them."
Her words completely contradicted her emotions. I lowered my head, smirking. "Whatever you say, Phoenix," I teased. The feeling of hope nestled deep within her invigorated me and I pushed it all back on her.
Despite her grimace, I saw the corner of her lip turn up, even if it was just for a moment.
2016 -:- Present Day
"That was the last night I had to spend in that place," Jasper's voice echoed quietly in the morning air.
"What!" I exclaimed. "That's it! You're not going to tell me anything else?" I couldn't believe I had listened to his entire tale just to be cut short without the ending. I understood why Jasper went to the lengths he did to reveal his story. He brought Bella to a place which had pleasant memories for him, where she might feel comfortable, but also a place that was a good distance from the house. It wasn't for the benefit of keeping the family safe, it was for me. There would be enough time on our travels that he could coax me along. He wanted me to recognize it wasn't going to be the same. If Bella had showed up at the house, it would have been absolute chaos. I wouldn't have known her story, I wouldn't have known her, but only how I thought I knew her. He wanted me to become acquainted with her all over again without any preconceived expectations. I understood that now, but it didn't mean I still didn't want to hear the end of it.
"What about this valiant escape," I said, using his word 'escape' from earlier. "That's not an escape!"
"I told you, there wasn't much to tell." He chuckled. "Garrett and I left through the front gate. That was it. Bella, well, she had a little more difficult time of it, but I'll let her tell that bit."
I gave him a little shove. "I can't believe you."
"What?" He smiled. "Of course we could sit here and build a campfire and I could tell you the rest of it, but do you really want to do that knowing she's down there," he pointed to the lake below us, and to small brown cabin on the edge of it, "waiting for you?"
My eyes followed his finger and everything in my body stilled. I saw the tiny cabin down below. I had expected to see smoke burning from the hearth, but there wasn't. But then, there was no need. Bella was no longer human, what use would fire be for her now? She would no longer feel the cold, or the heat. She wouldn't need to cook something to eat. She didn't need to breathe, a reminder as I realized I wasn't breathing.
I was hoping there would be this irresistible force beckoning me forward, but there wasn't. I wanted to feel the pull of her presence, guiding me toward her, but there wasn't. It was only Jasper, pushing me from behind, urging me to take the next step.
"She's in there?" I asked timidly.
She is.
"I need a moment," I said.
"You've had ten years," he scoffed. "That's enough moments." He clapped me on the shoulder. "Come on, go begin the life you've been too afraid to live."
He was right. For ten years, I had imagined what this day would be like. I had dreamt up every possible scenario, complete with white gowns, halos and wings. Vampires were not given angels to watch over them, they were reserved for the good—for people like Bella. But somehow, I was given one, Bella was my reward. For what? I still did not fully understand, especially now, knowing I had this second chance. I didn't know why, but here it was. I would never question Carlisle's faith again. I would never question who or what I was. I knew in that instance I had a soul. Carlisle was right. Bella was a vampire, and someone such as her would undoubtedly still have a soul regardless if she was human or not. It was impossible not to believe that. The knowledge of this filled every fiber of my being and gave me the courage to take a step forward, whatever lay ahead, it didn't matter and we could overcome it.
The small distance to the cabin seemed to take longer than the trek we'd just traveled. It felt like I was walking backward. Jasper had wanted to run, but I didn't think my legs would hold, so I surrendered to a fast-paced stride. The closer we got, the feeling I was sorely lacking at the top of the mountain seemed to take hold of me now, and it was luring me in, drawing me forward like my stomach was attached to a rope and I was being dragged by it.
I welcomed it.
You ready? Jasper asked silently.
"Not in the slightest," I answered honestly.
Be brave, brother.
The cabin had seen better days. There were a few holes in the roof, and some of the windows were gone, but it was standing, just like me. We were steps from the front porch when the door swung open. I stopped short as I searched the shadows. The door filled with an extremely large man with long sandy-colored hair, and again I felt the vague familiarity that I knew him from somewhere. He stepped over the threshold and quickly shut the door.
"Tex," his face broke into a large grin, "you made it." He began walking down the few steps toward us. I couldn't help but be affronted by his intimacy with Jasper. They'd only known each other a few months and he spoke to him as if he were family. His thoughts were warm and affectionate—at least they were until he turned his attentions to me.
Huh, he said in his head as he looked me up and down. Not sure what all the fuss is about.
"Garrett, good to see you, man," Jasper answered back with a quick one-armed hug. I could tell Jasper was trying to work the emotions between me and Garrett. Edward, be nice. Jasper turned to me, smiling, he could feel my hostility. "This is my brother, Edward."
"Yeah, I figured as much," he said casually. "She'll be glad you didn't bring the whole clan."
My body tensed at his words, my fists clenching, and Jasper's calm soothing waves seemed to float over me.
"Well, I didn't really get much of a choice," Jasper said, gesturing toward his appearance.
"I see that, too. No rest for the wicked, I guess."
Both of their thoughts were amusing in themselves. Jasper was trying to reassure me about Garrett, while Garrett was mentally tabulating reasons why he was not impressed by me. I didn't care, and was tired of listening to them banter about the journey here. I blocked them out and tried to attune the rest of my senses to inside of the cabin. I heard someone pacing inside. I smiled a little realizing she was just as nervous as I was. A small part of me searched for the heartbeat my body knew so well. There was nothing but silence. There was no blood to call out to me.
"Well, come on. Let's get this over with," Garrett said reluctantly. I scowled and his hand shot out grabbing my arm. I'll warn you now, pretty boy, you do anything to upset her in any way, I'll break that pretty, little head of yours. Got it?
I didn't respond, only pulled my arm from his grasp while staring him down. I felt Jasper's hand on my shoulder.
Edward, let it go. This is a time to be joyous, not bitter.
Garrett opened the door, and gestured for me to go in. I took a deep breath, and stepped through allowing my eyes to adjust to the inside of the room. She was over in the corner, her back to me. She was wearing the same clothes I'd seen in Jasper's head. Some old, khaki pants and a long-sleeved, blue button up shirt with the collar turned down. It fitted tightly to her shoulders, which seemed sharper than I remembered, and her torso was more slender than the way I pictured her all these years. Her hair had been unruly and almost wild in Jasper's thoughts, but to me it was nothing but silky and shiny and full. Her silhouette was an absolute vision to me.
Her arms were crossed, wrapping around her like she was holding herself together.
"Nix," Garrett said behind me, and she flinched a little. I wasn't even bothered all that much by what he called her. My only thoughts were of her.
She unfolded her arms and pressed them against the wall. Her head was lowered, like she was trying to push it, hoping it would push back, giving her the courage to turn around. I knew the feeling all too well. I stood rooted to my spot, my body clenched with the need to do something, anything. She was going to have to turn around, for all I felt was an overwhelming sense of ache.
She straightened up very slowly, her hair falling back below her shoulders. I saw her chest rise and fall, and a small whimper escaped her as she moved her left foot, then her right. A tremble ran over my body anticipating seeing her angelic face after all these years. She turned, and the threat of a thousand deaths filled my heart…my soul.
"Bella."
"Edward."
We said the words at the same time, and it broke the electrified tension in the air as we half-smiled, half-laughed. And the next moment, we were both in the middle of the room only inches from each other, too afraid to touch the other. I raised a hand tentatively to touch her face just to make certain she truly was standing in front of me, for a part of me still believed this wasn't happening. She mirrored my hand, and we stopped short of making contact.
It felt like we were invisible to the others, like we were alone, just the two of us, and the world had disappeared all around us and the only thing that existed was the electricity humming between her body and mine. The throbbing made it seem like I had a pulse again, and I was sure she could feel it too. Her expression must have matched my own, filled with wonder and amazement. More than anything I wanted to feel her against me, I needed to for fear I would disappear all together. I remembered this feeling. I closed my eyes and reached out. The heat was urgent, even more so than when she was human. The pulse echoed deep within me, hitting every possible nerve ending all at once. It was instant and the only thing that resonated was her touch, her smell … just her. Smiling, I opened my eyes as if I was drunk off the very essence of her. I was in such a haze. I didn't even see her fist slam into the side of my head. I sure felt it, though, as I went barreling across the other side of the room, slamming into the wall falling on my backside. The wood groaned and creaked at the contact.
"What the hell?" I said, shaking my head and rubbing the side of my head.
Jasper howled. "Alice was right! The mysterious girl just knocked you on your ass."
"I can do that now," Bella said. "Ten years ago, I couldn't." She smiled down at me. "That felt good. You deserved that."
Jasper and Garrett were laughing openly, but I chose to ignore them. I would humble myself in front of anyone for this woman. My heart tightened, feeling every word she was saying. I did deserve it and so much more from her and I was willing to take it. I moved to my knees because there was no other gesture worthy of her. Here she was, my angel, my savior, alive and I knew beyond a doubt I didn't deserve her. Even on my knees it wasn't enough, and I fell forward, placing my head in my hands.
I heard the others quietly leave the room. I had hoped it was only them and she was still here with me, but I dared not look up. Seconds felt like hours, as I held my breath waiting for her to say something. I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder and the angel whispered my name, and again, my heart shattered into pieces.
"Edward," she said softly. "I'm sorry."
She was apologizing to me? It wasn't right, after all this I couldn't have her apologizing to me, I couldn't bear it. I deserved whatever she planned to dole out to me and I would take it, every scream, every hit, punch, yell; I would gladly take it all.
I could feel her touch, reluctant as it was, and it seared through my skin, burning deep again to the depths of my soul. Everything was on fire . I was alive for the first time in a century.
"I don't deserve you," I said breathing out a sigh.
Her grip squeezed tighter as she tried to get me to sit up. "Edward, look at me, please." I fought against her. "Please?"
I was terrified that if I looked up she would disappear, vanish right before my eyes, like she was some apparition, or even worse, she would walk out the door. So I stayed there, grabbing tight to my head, rocking back and forth a little bit. Her other hand lay gently on my other shoulder, and she let out a deep sigh.
"There were many times, I thought I wasn't real, that I had died and I was in an eternal hell for all those years. I would pray I would wake up one day, and it would all be a dream, but that's kind of difficult when you don't sleep. I assure you, I'm very real."
Her voice was as I remembered it, soft, but more sultry, like she'd seen a thousand lifetimes, and I supposed she had. It warmed my body, and I wanted her to keep talking. With every breath and every sound, that spark buried deep in my heart blazed brighter.
"You always were one for the melodramatics, Edward. I thought you would have found 'some distractions.'" Her voice was still soft, but there was a hint of bitterness laced in it. "You left me remember?"
My head snapped up, I stared into her face, her heartbreakingly beautiful face and all I could do was gasp.
She immediately placed her hands to her face, covering herself, and looked down at the indentations from my elbows in the floor where I had been pressing down.
"I'm sorry," she said again. "I know I must not be what you expected. They'll change c–color," she stammered. She was apologizing again, and my brain could not catch up with all that was happening. Color? I must have had a look of confusion on my face.
"My eyes," she said barely above a whisper, and I had to strain my ears to hear the rest. "I never had a choice."
This was my Bella, Strong, yet vulnerable. As a human, Bella was the strongest person I had ever known. Her strength as a person was always something I admired, yet as a human, she was vulnerable, fragile and I had the desire to protect her. Here, sitting in front of me with her hands on her face, she was the same. She was a vampire now, physically strong and indestructible, but her vulnerability was now in who she was. She was still my Bella, strong and vulnerable all rolled into one, and more than ever I felt the desire to shelter her—to shield her—from anything and anyone who would harm her, and that included me.
I still did not trust my voice. So I placed my hands on her wrists, and removed her hands from her face, tilting her chin so I could look directly into her eyes. Her eyes were downcast though. For the first time in ten years, I didn't have the privilege of hearing someone's thoughts. It was refreshing and frustrating, and highly amusing to me at how much I had missed this feeling. I wanted to hear what was going on in her head, but that wasn't going to happen. Her eyes would tell me everything and I would wait patiently for her to look at me.
She fidgeted with the edge of her shirt, biting her lip, and I could feel her quivering. I gently placed a kiss on each eyelid. I truly had not seen her red eyes, and it was the least of my concerns. Whatever her diet, whatever her nature, I would follow her anywhere.
After what seemed like hours, she finally looked up at me through her thick fringe of lashes that I had sorely missed all these years. The spark nestled deep in my heart was no longer, it was a full on blaze, and my body reacted. I pulled her hard against me, setting my lips on hers. I didn't know what I expected but all I knew was that I needed her. The steady rhythm of her heart was no longer, and with it my blood lust for her. The inexplicable pull I felt for her blood was gone, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized it was her I desired, it was never her blood.
As I leaned down pressing her body against the floor, I felt myself groan at the feeling of her beneath me. I never imagined that I would have this opportunity ever again, and it was as if all this sorrow, all this rage in me was coming out and all I wanted to do was possess her, make her mine, and never leave her side. I pushed her down, pinning her body beneath me, when I heard a little whisper.
"Wait … wait … wait," she said through shallow breaths. I wasn't sure if I was imagining it, so my lips continued to move over her own, my hands were urgent but caring, trying to gather up all of her at once. "Stop, please," she cried, but I couldn't stop. I needed her. I needed this.
"STOP!" she yelled, and I felt myself hurling across the room for the second time. I slammed against the wall of the cabin, only this time, the wood splintered all around me. I couldn't move. I was pressed up against the wall, unable to move my limbs. This is what Jasper must have meant about Bella's power. She was strong, and a part of me was shocked, but the other part of me was pleased.
"It's not that simple, Edward," she said boldly, standing up, wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her shirt. "You can't just do that. It doesn't work like that. I'm not that person anymore. We're two different people. I was forced to grow up."
My first reaction was to recoil, to accept she was right, but Jasper's words filled my head … fight for her.
"I know you've moved on, Bella." Her eyebrows shot up questioningly. "Jasper says he's a good man. I understand the two of you have shared more than I can ever imagine." Her face dawned in recognition as she realized I knew about her and Garrett. "You've gone through hell and back with each other, but I still have to try." I gave her one of my crooked grins. "You're my life. Even after all these years, I've carried you with me. I never gave up."
"But you did," she argued. "You gave up that day back in Forks. That's the day I died. Maybe not in body, but in spirit. You destroyed that girl when you left her in the woods," she choked out her words and she couldn't look me in the eyes. "She doesn't exist anymore," she whispered.
I was still stuck up against the wall, unable to move from her power. It felt exactly how Jasper described. A huge pressure enveloped me, pressing down on every part of me. I wanted to go to her, to caress her and comfort her.
"Can you let me go, please?" I asked. "I thought this only worked on the weak-minded."
She laughed a little. "It works when people are at their weakest, not the weak-minded. And you…were pretty weak back there." She rolled her eyes at me, but I felt the pressure releasing. "I'll let you go, but you have to give me some space."
"I can respect that, and I'm sorry. I guess I was at my weakest." I ran my hands through my hair, and saw in the shadows it was standing on end.
"Still have that nervous habit?"
"Ah, yes, I guess I do," I mumbled. There was an uncomfortable silence between us while we stood across the room from each other. "Do you love him?" I blurted out.
"What?" she asked confused.
"Garrett. Do you love him?"
"Yes," she answered immediately.
She didn't offer anything further, but the truth of her answer hurt me like I was sure it was intended. I could only nod, not trusting myself to say anything further. She looked upset though. I knew the many expressions of Bella, those had not changed.
"I'll always love you," I whispered.
"You can't say that, Edward. You don't know me. You love the old, fragile human girl. Not me. Not this," her hands motioned the length of her body, "or this." She pulled up the sleeve of her shirt and I could see the scars from where I stood. They were similar to Jasper's and ran up and down the length of her arm. I pushed away from the wall, and slowly walked toward her.
"I don't want your pity," she said.
"You won't get it," I answered back with an even tone.
She held her breath, as I reached for her arm. The electricity hummed between us again. "You feel that, right?" I raised my eyebrows. "That does not lie." I leaned forward and gently pressed my lips to her forearm, kissing the biggest scar that was present. "That's real."
"Please don't," she said softly, but her words were not convincing.
"Okay," I said stopping and raising my hands from her skin. "I won't touch you again unless you ask me to."
She closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief.
"I know you feel it. You can tell me you've moved on, but I never will. I'll wait. It's a small price to pay to spend eternity with you. Because I will, I'll wait a lifetime for you."
"Well, it doesn't matter because I'm leaving tomorrow. I never should have left with Jasper. I'm going back," she said, turning from me and walking to the only glass window that was still intact.
Her words slammed into me harder than the cabin wall I'd just hit. "Bella," my voice cracked at the sound of her name. "You can't go back. You don't have to stay with me, but you can't go back there."
"I have to, they'll be tracking me. I know it was wrong of me to leave, to lead them here, but I was selfish. I had to know." She was fighting to get the words out, and I didn't believe for one second she was choosing to go back.
"Is it Garrett? Is he making you go back?"
"What? No!"
"Then I'll go with you."
"You can't, Edward," she said shaking her head.
"I'll go wherever you go. I won't leave your side again."
"No! You can't come! She'll kill you if you do."
"That's what you're afraid of? I've suffered through your death a thousand times over, I'm not about to let you slip away from me. Bella, I go where you go."
"Edward, they're tracking me right now. Maria needs me for her army, she won't stop, and wherever I go, she'll come and bring her army, destroying everything in its path."
I was getting angry at her pigheadedness; I just wanted her to be reasonable. The self-sacrificing Bella had already played her part, she didn't need an encore. "I'll follow you," I argued. "I'd rather be dead than know you're out there somewhere. Be reasonable, Bella, I haven't changed all that much in ten years. You know I'll do this."
"But I've changed," she pleaded with me. She hesitated with what she was going to say next. I could see by the set in her shoulders, and the way she dropped her head. "You're not what I want anymore," she finally managed to say.
"You're lying. I still can't read your mind, but you're lying, Bella."
She laughed, disregarding me. "Think what you want, but it's the truth."
"Then why even come back at all?" I asked, second guessing myself.
"Jasper wouldn't leave unless I left with him. Maria was going to kill him. So I had to come, and now I have to go back. That's all."
"I don't believe you, Bella."
"Stop saying that name!" she yelled, stomping her foot.
"Bella," I said through gritted teeth. "That's who you are."
"No, it isn't."
"Bella."
"Stop it!"
"Not until you tell me what I want to hear."
"You don't get to make decisions for me, Edward! I'm not that person anymore!" she screamed, as her chest was pumping up and down. "That Bella is long gone. She's dead!" She punched her hand through the glass, shattering it all around her.
Immediately I was at her side, examining her for wounds, automatically holding my breath for the scent of blood.
She looked at me sadly. "See? I'm not her."
I dropped my hands in defeat, my shoulders slumping. "You're right," I managed to breathe out.
Jasper and Garrett came rushing into the cabin. Our private time was over as they were now concerned for both of our safety. Jasper held his hands up, sending peaceful, soothing vibes in the room. He was looking at us both, wide-eyed, unsure of what had happened.
You okay?
I nodded briefly, as I watched Garrett comfort Bella in his arms. That was supposed to be me. The pain was back, and the flame was dying. Garrett's thoughts were only of concern for Bella. He was looking at me over her head.
You can't make her angry. It's not pretty.
"Noted," I said sarcastically.
Bella's head snapped around looking at the three of us. "There will be no silent conversations about me. You got that?" She pointed her finger at each of us. Jasper held his hands up and shrugged, feigning innocence, while I just gave her a cynical look.
"It's okay, Nix."
Nix? She was Bella, and this vampire was seriously getting on my last nerve.
"What did you say to her?" Garrett asked.
"I don't have to explain anything to you," I spat out.
"Edward…" Jasper said, trying to calm me down again. He was trying to keep the peace between all of us, but it was no use. I wasn't going to like this guy, not while he stood between me and Bella.
"Garrett, it's nothing, really." She patted him on the chest, also trying to calm him down.
So help me, if you hurt her again.
"I wasn't." I placed my hands on top of my head. I had come so close. So close to all that I had ever wanted, and here was this man, this man who clearly cared for Bella, and Bella cared for him, standing in my way. "We were disagreeing over her future plans."
"What kind of future plans?" Garrett and Jasper asked.
"Edward," Bella warned.
So … I hasn't shared her plans with Garrett. Interesting, I thought, mulling it over. If I couldn't get her to stay, maybe Garrett could.
"What's he talking about?" Garrett looked down at Bella.
"Nothing. He's not talking about anything." She glowered at me, and I knew that face. She was warning me to stay quiet. I smiled defiantly at her in response.
"She told me she's going back. She's going back to Maria."
"You're what!" Garrett roared. "After all we went through to get out, you're going back?"
"Garrett, please, this isn't the right time to discuss this."
"Yes, it is." He pushed her away, holding her at arm's length. "Is this to do with him?" He pointed his thumb at me. "You'd rather go back than be near him?" He laughed. "'Cause I can fix that real quick."
Jasper held me back, knowing I was about to go after him. Easy…he's just messing with you.
"You know I have to go back," Bella said. "Someone has to destroy her."
"Then we'll all do it," I offered.
"No, it has to be me."
"What, because you're suddenly the chosen one, Phoenix," I spat out her new name.
"As a matter of fact, yes, I am."
"We don't get a say, is that it?" I said, "So you and your lover can save the world, and we'll sit back and watch you do it?"
Lover? I heard Garrett's thoughts, and he started to chuckle.
"I make my own decisions now!"
Bella and I were standing toe to toe and continued to yell at each other, while Jasper and Garrett looked on. The sound of our voices echo across the lake and over the mountains. Neither of us were hearing what the other was saying, only thinking the other was wrong and being completely absurd. I felt the pressure building up around her again, the air vibrating as her anger took hold. A loud piercing whistle broke through the room, and the two of us stopped screaming mid-sentence.
Jasper started to chuckle. "You two are behaving like children."
"No," Garrett piped in, "like lovers."
"You're right! I can taste the tension between the two of them. So heated." Their laughter was deep, coming straight up from the belly.
"Nix, listen," Garrett reasoned, "the idea of you and me as lovers is flattering, hilarious, but flattering. I know you love me, and I you. But this man," he pointed to me, "well now … he owns your soul. Always has."
Garrett was holding her hands, rubbing them tenderly, and my body ached to touch her in the same way. But it finally dawned on me. It was a tender touch, nothing more. All of their touches had been. Every memory of Jasper's came rushing back, and it was clear now, and I couldn't help but rejoice.
Jasper was standing beside me and was projecting it back to me. Huh, he said smugly in his head.
"Now, you two figure this out," Garrett said in a loud, authoritative voice, "and there'll be no more talk of you going back to that she-devil. There are three good men in this room who won't stand for it, and it's likely to get us killed when we go after you. 'Cause, God damn it, woman, you know we will." He gently chucked her chin with his fist, and she tried to force back her smile, but she couldn't. "That's better." He smiled in return. "Come on, Tex, why don't you show me what this whole vegetarian diet's all about." He put his arm around Jasper's weathered form, and I felt a twinge of jealousy toward the man. He knew Bella better than I did, and now to watch him so at ease with my brother, made me rethink all that had happened in the last ten years.
It should have been me.
Garrett turned to me one last time before walking through the door. Edward, I trust you to make this right between the two of you.
It was almost as if he knew I was second guessing myself again, and I resented him for it. How was I going to measure up to this man? He had been there for both of them when they needed it. Jasper was right, he was a good man, better than me. I would never measure up.
They left us this time. They weren't waiting outside the cabin, ready to step in if necessary. The stark realization that we were alone, terrified me. We were strangers, stripped away of our façades now, completely vulnerable to each other. My body felt her presence behind me, and it quivered with anticipation.
"Now would be the time where I'd be crying if I still were human," she said lightly trying to ease the strain between us.
Turning, I realized I was unaccountably shy. I wanted to touch her, lightly trace the bones in cheeks over and over again, feel every inch of her face, memorize every new feature, but I had said I wouldn't, not until she asked me to. I looked up at her questioningly instead. "So you and Garrett never…"
She smiled, placing her hand on my cheek, rubbing her thumb over the bones beneath my skin. "Edward," she sighed, "don't you know by now?"
"What's that?"
"It's always been you."