CHAPTER 26

-:- There But For the Grace of God, Go I -:-

2016 -:- Present Day

There's quite a gap between these last two entries," I said, closing the journal. "How did she find you?"

"She didn't so much as find us, more like we were taken to her. We couldn't shake the three vampires. We didn't trust them, but they acted like they wanted to befriend us. Garrett knew of Maria, apparently any vampire in the South knew of her before the bombs. I guess you did, too." I nodded, remaining silent. Jasper's past was no secret to our family. "You never told me about Jasper." It wasn't an accusation, only more of an understanding. Bella and Jasper finally had something in common.

"It wasn't my story to tell. Not exactly a story to share with a human." She gave me a weak smile in return. "Did he tell you about his time with Maria?"

She nodded. "She was mad even back then. I saw her with him, Edward. She won't just come for me, she'll take him, too. She'll want her revenge. What she let Emilia do to him was nothing, child's play, pardon the pun."

"We'll stop her."

"How? If what you said about Alice, how will we know what's coming? Or when she's coming?"

"Don't underestimate Alice. Especially if Jasper's life is on the line. I saw her thoughts when he was telling us what happened to him. We'll be ready."

"Do you think the Volturi are still alive?"

"I don't know. Even if they are, I can't imagine they are on the continent. Jasper did mention something odd about a story involving twins. I don't know too much about their guards, Carlisle and Eleazar would know more, but it sounded a lot like Jane and Alec. But as to their allegiance? That's anyone's guess." I saw the doubt in her eyes.

"With you and Garrett, we have fourteen strong vampires."

"It's not enough, Edward."

Neither of us spoke for awhile. I didn't respond because whatever I'd say would be a lie. It wasn't enough, and it was false hope to think that it was. We would have to come up with a solid plan if we had any chance of defeating Maria's army and surviving.

"So how did you come to be with her?" I finally asked, breaking our thoughts, hoping to take our worries away from the future that was breathing down our necks.

"Garrett was curious. He wanted to see what she was up to. He said the rumors we were hearing were uncharacteristic of her. She usually kept a low profile, so he wanted to see what was happening, if we needed to be concerned. You talk about 'what if's,'" she looked up at me, "that's his big 'what if.' What if we had just taken our chances with the three vampires? But he was itching for a change. It'd been almost two years of the same thing, he was restless. He didn't know it was as serious as it had become. How could he? So we agreed to go with them."

.

"LISTEN, NIX, NO ARGUING on this, okay? You do what I say. We're in some trouble," Garrett whispered in my ear. We were inside a compound, but there wasn't much to it. It had the typical high gates like most of the settlements were constructing, but inside it wasn't teeming with life or much of anything. There were humans around, which seemed odd because the amount of vampires greatly outweighed their numbers. The humans appeared to be slaves. Garrett didn't need to remind me of anything, I could sense this was definitely a place we didn't want to be near.

We were taken there, not exactly against our will, but not by our own choice either. Garrett didn't want any trouble so he agreed to follow the three vampires who had crossed our path. I was surprised when he said yes, but I was sure he had his reasons, he just hadn't shared them yet. I suppose he was curious, I was curious too, but now we were both regretting our decision. Things were bleak here, and something was definitely wrong, it was in the air. It was thick and pungent and smelled of death.

We stood in the middle of the compound waiting to be told what to do next. Nobody watched us with curious eyes, which lead me to believe strangers were a frequent occurrence in this place. Eventually our guides came back, and in tow was a small entourage of new vampires with a woman in the middle of the throng. She wasn't very big, almost as tiny as Alice, but she had a way about her which definitely commanded respect and I knew this must be "Maria."

"Well, what have you brought me this time?" she asked the three vampires who were our companions on the road here.

"Only two, but they gave us no trouble, Maria." The vampire bowed as he spoke to her, clearly afraid of her.

She walked toward us, and Garrett immediately pushed me behind him and stood up straight. Maria laughed a wicked laugh and circled around us.

"I see only one who's worthy. This one…" she lifted up a piece of my hair, "is of no use to me." Garrett squeezed my hand and I didn't dare move or breath.

"They're together. Mates. He wouldn't leave her," the other vampire said.

His answer amused Maria and she howled, throwing her head up to the grey sky, but she never took her eyes off of me. "Ignorant fool. These two are no more mates than you and I are." Her eyes shifted to Garrett, and she examined him for a few breaths. "He cares for her, I'll give you that, but there is no bond here."

"She's mine," Garrett said, simply.

"I don't doubt that…but you," she sneered at him, moving closer, "tall drink of water, are not hers. That's plain enough to see."

I started to say something, but Garrett's hand squeezed my own, signaling me to keep quiet.

"She's but two years old. In time," he said.

"Which is precisely my point. She should have some of the strength of a newborn left and the ferocity too, but I see none of that." She turned her attention back to me, looking me up and down. Instinctively, I moved closer to Garrett, hugging my body up against his.

"What is it you're doing here? Why have we been brought here?" he asked.

"I'm sure you know of my reputation? Yes?" Garrett nodded. "Well then, you should know exactly what I'm doing." She laughed wickedly again, and the others laughed along with her. "I'm building an army!"

"We want no part of that. We're headed North."

"Now see, you've hurt my feelings," she said frowning. "I've gone and invited you to my party, and you're turning my invitation down. Not everyone gets one, you know." He eyes fell back to me with her last statement and she grinned.

"We thank you for the offer, but we just want to stay out of any of that."

"But don't you see? That's not possible. If you aren't with me, you're against me. And I can't have you against me, can I?"

"We won't be anywhere near here, like I said, we're headed North."

"And so will we, eventually. So it's just better for me if I take care of you now. More convenient and all." She was standing in front of Garrett again, looking up at him and smiling sweetly.

"So if we refuse…?"

"Come on, big boy, you know that answer." She looked at the entourage of vampires behind her. "Be smart. Join the party."

Garrett was silent for a few minutes. He didn't move, but the pressure of his grip was increasing on my hand. We didn't have a choice, at least not at this moment. We could live to fight another day or die here, now, at the hands of this woman.

"Both of us," Garrett said, grinding out the words between his teeth, his body tense against mine. The other vampires shifted their feet, shocked Garrett had the nerve to request something from Maria, even if she wasn't fazed.

"She's weak, we can't use her, and her eyes, well, that just proves she's not cut out for our way of life."

"She can be taught."

"She's no fighter."

"She can do other stuff."

"That's what I like to hear. A talent?" she asked, raising her eyebrows, and turning her attentions back to me. She was looking at me with wonder in her eyes, waiting to hear what special gift I had. Neither of us spoke, knowing whatever we'd say would be a lie. I was a useless vampire, weak and powerless.

"Well?" she snapped. And when we still had no answer for her, she turned on her heel, her long brown hair flickering over her shoulder and said, "Get rid of her, bring him."

Garrett reacted before she had even finished speaking. He jumped on her, hands at her throat and growled a vicious growl, one I had never heard the likes of coming from him. Maria was just a few seconds slower than Garrett, and obviously hadn't anticipated his reaction, neither had any of the other vampires. Garrett had her pinned on the ground and was trying to get a grip on her neck. We all stood watching in shock for moment until I felt two sets of hands wrapping around my arms, pulling me in separate directions.

"Enough!" I heard from behind me. The two vampires on either side of me continued to pull and my arms felt like they were going to rip from my sockets. I tried not to cry out, but failed miserably. Garrett stopped when he heard my cries, but didn't turn around. His shoulders were slumped over, and I couldn't see Maria, but I heard her wicked laughter.

"Boys, this one's a keeper! He's got some fight in him. He'll do."

Garrett was pulled to his feet, and as he was turned around his face was full of sorrow. He was trying to apologize for failing me and my heart swelled at seeing his pain.

"If you kill her, you might as well kill me too," Garrett said to Maria. "I won't do anything for you."

"Fair enough." Maria shrugged with a wave of her hand.

"No!" I yelled. "Garrett, don't." I gave him a grim smile. If this was where my life was going to end, I would gladly accept it to save Garrett. He had saved me, the least I could do was return the favor. This was a miserable existence anyway, I thought. I didn't want to spend an eternity like we had these past two years, and it was only going to get worse. What kind of life were we living? I'd come through hell and survived, only to exist in another hell.

But I had survived…

I'd survived all that only to have it end like this? It wasn't fair. It was all for nothing. Images started to flash through my head. Images I thought I had long since forgotten. My mother, my father, my friends. Alice. Carlisle. James …Laurent…Victoria…the bombs…. And Edward. I'd lived through the impossible. It didn't make sense. It was all for nothing to have it end like this.

It was all for nothing…

"Pity, that," Maria frowned at Garrett, "I was beginning to like you."

Maria made another hand gesture, signaling the other vampires to get rid of us both. The vampires holding Garrett started to drag him away and he struggled, fighting back. I wasn't listening to what he was saying to me, it was happening all in slow motion, yet, in my head there was another voice telling me to fight. To tap into what I already knew was there, buried deep inside. It was pushing me relentlessly, screaming at me as I watched them drag Garrett away.

It wasn't for nothing! it screamed and I screamed back. It wasn't for nothing!

My eyes were shut tight. Everything around me was silent. It felt like I was underwater, cocooned in silence. For a moment I thought it had all been a dream and I was back in my bedroom in Phoenix. I didn't want to open my eyes, I just wanted to live in this alternate reality for a few moments longer. I held my hands out in front of me, feeling for the comforter on my bed, to trace the stitching in the patterns of the flowers. There was a foul stench in the air. It couldn't be in my bedroom, it wasn't possible that smell would be in my mother's house.

I heard a name, one I recognized but wasn't sure who's it was.

"Nix."

I heard it again, and slowly opened my eyes to see who was speaking. I was standing alone in the middle of a dirt courtyard. Everything around me was grey, not the vibrant colors I was seeing in my head. It was dull, and dark and there was metal everywhere. It wasn't the soft, feathery feel of my down comforter. There was no one around me for at least fifty yards. Everyone who had been standing in the courtyard was pushed up against the fence walls, none of them were moving. I was confused, not clear on where I was and what was happening. This darkness seemed like the dream, not the colors of my room. Turning, I slowly spun in a circle seeing the same thing all around me.

"Nix," the voice said again, and I spun around looking for the source.

"Garrett," I said, my brain finally connecting with my body. Everyone dropped to the ground, as if whatever force had been holding them up was released. I fell to my knees, a sudden feeling of exhaustion sweeping over my body. Garrett was by my side in seconds, checking me over, asking me questions. Questions I couldn't answer. I didn't know what happened or what I did, or if it even was me. I only remembered how angry I was, and how I didn't want anyone to touch me, or touch him. I remembered someone screaming at me telling me to fight, that this wasn't how it was supposed to work out.

"Can you do it again," he whispered in my ear quickly.

"Do what?" I asked confused. I didn't even know what I had done.

"That," he emphasized with his eyes, shaking me a little bit. "What you just did. Do it again, get yourself out of here."

"I'm not leaving you."

"You have to. Go. Do it again and go."

"We made a promise, I'm not leaving you. I can't do it again," I pleaded. "I don't even know what I did."

"Try," he said squeezing my arms.

"Well," I heard her voice over his shoulder, "you've been holding out on us." She was grinning like some kind of megalomaniac. "From the looks on your faces, you didn't know she had it in her. Can you do it again?" she asked, her eyes bright with wonder.

Garrett didn't say anything he just pressed with his eyes to try it again. But I couldn't. There was nothing there, whatever had manifested was gone, and I barely had the energy to stand.

"No? That's too bad. Bring them both." She signaled to the vampires on either side of her, and they cautiously moved toward us, unsure of whether or not they wanted to touch me again.

We didn't struggle this time, knowing there was no point. We would live today, to fight another battle. I just had to figure out what kind of weapon I was carrying.

.

BELLA AND I SPENT the next few days getting reacquainted. We read her journal, talked, but mostly, we sat in silence resting in each other's arms, almost as if we were catching up on ten years of missing moments like this. We sat still, unmoving, unblinking and sometimes not even breathing, and then one of us would move slightly, a finger perhaps, and the spell would be broken. She had admitted she could love me again, but there was still something that seemed to hold her back. It wasn't obvious, subtle hints here and there. A far-off look when she was watching out the window, or a flinch if I moved too quickly. Reading her journal wasn't an easy task. There were things in there I'd rather not have known, things that made me doubt myself, and doubt what I thought Garrett and Bella meant to each other. I had to remind myself she wanted me to read it, not out of spite, but out of understanding. I tried to remain objective, but it was almost impossible to do so.

She wouldn't venture far, just enough to stretch her legs and satisfy her hunger, but it was like she was waiting for something to happen. She was constantly on edge and was never fully relaxed. I just wanted one day where we could be free. I tried not to think about it, but I couldn't help compare how she was with Garrett to how she was with me. With him, she laughed and joked and I saw a side of her I didn't know. I longed to know that side of her.

The sun was coming up over the mountain and a ray of light shone across the lake. I noticed the remnants of another cabin on the other side of our little lake. I searched the shore for others, they were easy to spot and I briefly wondered why I hadn't seen them before. I supposed I wasn't looking for them. I glanced around our cabin, there was nothing here, not even somewhere to sit, not even a blanket. I started thinking about the need for a blanket. It would be nice to have one . We might be more comfortable if we could sit on a blanket, I thought, convincing myself. And if we wanted to take things a little further, well …

"There are more cabins around the lake," I said a little louder than I intended.

"Are there?" she asked moving behind me, looking out the window. I was acutely aware of her body pressed up against me.

"Mmhmm," was about all I could manage, trying to get my mind back on track.

"Odd we never noticed them before."

"Mmhmm."

"You, okay?"

"Mmhmm, why?"

"You seem, I don't even know, but you seem … flustered."

"Really? Do I?"

"You do."

"I guess I'm just getting a little stir crazy. We should go for a hunt and check them out. They might have some things we can use."

"What can we use?"

"I don't know. They might have clothes, or books, or … a blanket?" I mumbled, leaning closer to the window, sticking my head out into the fresh air.

"Mmhmm," she mimicked and started laughing at me. "A book would be nice." The tone in her voice was definitely teasing and I knew she was smiling. "Would you like a book?"

I don't why I couldn't just say what I wanted to say. I was the oldest virgin known to man, and I still couldn't broach the subject, even though I desperately wanted to. I didn't want to push her, but a part of me wanted her to know there still had never been anyone, and maybe another small part of me was bitter and jealous by what I'd read in her journal. I didn't want to wait anymore. Maybe it was our lack of intimacy that was causing the distance.

"A book would be nice," I said, still leaning my head out of the window.

She started laughing again. "Okay, let's go look for a book."

There was a slight frost on the ground when we left the cabin. We traveled through the woods alongside the lake, and as the morning light came fully over the mountain, it wasn't long before our pants were soaked up to our knees, and our shoes were making that horrible squishing sound, ruining any chance of being quiet enough to hunt. After about an hour, we gave up on the hunt, and instead concentrated on exploring the run-down cabins. We checked them out, looking for creature comforts we didn't necessarily need but welcomed all the same. By the third cabin, much to Bella's extreme joy, we did find a few copies of old books. They were scattered with mouse droppings and weren't exactly what you would call classics, but Bella assured me even a Harlequin would make her happy.

But still no blanket.

We spent the afternoon, laughing and running, chasing each other through the trees, trying to see who was the faster runner. We were free. We'd race to the next cabin, with promises that the victor would get the spoils. Of course I was quicker, but I soon discovered Bella liked to cheat, and she was getting slightly annoyed there was still something I was better at than her.

"I'm still faster," I said teasing and winked at her.

"Oh, really?" she said rolling her eyes. "We'll see."

I couldn't help but laugh at her. "Where's this competitive streak coming from?"

"I've always had it, I was just never in the same division as you. You could let me win, you know."

"To use your words, 'fat chance,' besides … how would that make you feel?"

"Pretty good, actually."

"And then you'd complain that I let you win, that I was being easy on you. You know you would," I said, crossing my arms and leaning up against the door jam.

"Don't be smug, Edward Cullen, it doesn't suit you." She folded her arms in a huff. "It doesn't matter, really, because whatever you find is mine. You'll just give it to me anyway."

"Oh, you think so, huh?" I asked.

"Of course."

"I don't know. I think I might hold on to this old copy of a—oh, what is this?" I reached around to the back of my pants, pulling out a weather-beaten, yellow-worn book, and raising it close to my eyes and then extended my arms away from me as if I was having trouble reading the cover. "What is this? Does that say … Austen? I don't know, I can't really tell."

She was in front of me in a flash, trying to grab the book from me. "Give it."

"Tsk-tsk. You mustn't rip it. It's mine, fair and square." I held it up over my head, out of her reach.

"Stop being a child." She sighed. "Can I see it?" There was a gleam in her eye that I was enjoying way too much.

"What will you trade me for it?" I asked, smiling back at her.

"If I wanted to, I could just take it from you. You do realize that, right?" She put her hands on her hips, pouting ever so slightly, and it was making her even more irresistible.

"Where would be the fun in that?" I leaned toward her enjoying our repartee.

"Fine. What could I possibly have you would accept as trade?"

"Well, that's easy." I took a deep breath, wondering if I was making a huge mistake by asking this, but I was beyond that now, and went for it. "A kiss. That's all I ask," I whispered, still smiling.

She looked down at my lips, and smiled widely in return. "Oh, is that all?" she said, moving toward me reaching for my shirt with confidence, grasping it in her fists. "But you didn't say where." She chuckled, leaning toward my shoulder and placed a swift, chaste kiss upon it before stepping back, grinning.

My expression must have dropped as I stood there open-mouthed in shock. My plan had backfired and she knew she had gotten the better of me. Reluctantly, I lowered the book and placed it in her hands.

"You cheat, Isabella Swan," I said shaking my head.

"You may be quicker, but I'm smarter." She winked. "Admit it."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her and pushed away from the door frame, leering down at her. Not sure what had come over me, but the next thing I knew I had my hands on her cheeks gripping her tightly with my mouth pressed firmly to hers. She resisted at first, trying to pull away, but I wouldn't let her, until eventually her grasp became aggressive and desperate as she dug her hands into my back pulling me closer.

I had craved this for days and it seemed she had, too. Her hands moved, gripping tightly to my hair as I lifted her off the ground. It was as if something burned between us, just like it had that first day back in the cabin. It had returned and it still scared me.

I placed her back on the ground, and drew back, shaken a little. She was standing with her eyes closed, swaying slightly with a marvelous and sultry look on her face which caused me to smile and regain my composure.

I cleared my throat and her eyes quickly opened. "Transaction complete. Miss Austen is yours," I said walking away. "Smarter." I chuckled and walked out the front door. I waited for her on the porch admiring the mountains. It looked as though a storm front was moving in. The peaks were covered in cloud. She wasn't moving inside, she wasn't even breathing and I wondered if I had gone too far. I wanted her to come to me, I didn't want to push her into something she wasn't ready for.

"I'm sorry," I said under my breath.

"Why are you apologizing?" she asked when she finally came through the front door.

"I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that, I'm sorry."

"Edward, if I didn't want you to, I could have easily stopped you," she admitted and placed her hand on my arm giving it a gentle squeeze. "It's not that I don't want you, because I do, it's just, no one other than Garrett has touched me for a very long time and it's a little … unsettling." She was looking at me earnestly, and I knew my expression mirrored hers, for I knew all too well what it meant to have someone touch me in such an intimate way, and how foreign it felt.

"So, you're not angry?"

"No," she laughed, "but that doesn't mean I'm still not annoyed!"

"Fine. I'll let you win next time." I pulled her into my arms and kissed the top of her head.

"I'll win on my own terms, thank you."

"Looks like there's a storm coming in, we should get moving."

Before I had even finished my sentence, she was gone from my arms running through the trees. She yelled back at me, "We still have to find that blanket!"

I counted to ten, giving her a head start and then took off after her, laughing and yelling, letting her know I was coming for her.

She was a few feet in front of me when I saw the roof of the next cabin ahead. "Should I let you win?" I asked.

"No."

I leapt for her, wanting to tackle her to the ground, but just as I did, she counteracted my move. I wasn't even sure what she did, but I bounced right off of her and tumbled to the ground, rolling and slammed into a tree. The tree cracked, and came toppling down to the forest floor.

"Timber!" she yelled. "Didn't know I could do that? Did you?"

"What exactly did you do?"

"That's that ever popular shield I was telling you about. Told you, you couldn't touch me if I didn't want you to."

I stood up brushing off my clothes, shaking my head only to see her standing on the steps of the next cabin.

"I win."

"You cheated … again," I grumbled.

"Only a little."

I growled as I raced toward her causing her to squeal and run into the cabin. I was right behind her and slammed into the back of her not noticing she had stopped short just inside the door.

"Someone's been here," she said in a precarious tone.

The cabin was not like the others. All the windows were intact, complete with curtains that looked fresh, not too dirty. There was nothing in disarray, everything was in its place and the dust layer was minimal. The kitchen was clean, with the pots and pans hanging right above the stove as if they would be used for tonight's dinner. The cupboards were even stocked with a few cans of food and other necessities.

"Someone lives here, or did live here," she said as she walked to the wall where a gallery of pictures was hung. The pictures ranged from all the way back to 1940 to what looked like a few years before the bombs. The pictures held the same couple throughout the years with various people and children scattered among them.

"Oh, God, that smell. Edward, I know that smell." She had her hand covering her mouth as she looked at me in panic.

"Yes," I whispered, "I do too." I placed my hand on the small of her back, guiding her toward the door. "Go outside, I'll check it out."

She didn't argue with me, but looked at me gratefully and went outside. The smell of decomposing flesh was not something one forgets, especially when you've been surrounded by it for so long. There was a dead body in here, one that hadn't been dead for long. I followed the smell and it led me to what I assumed to be the bedroom. Slowly, I opened the door holding my breath, knowing what I would find on the other side.

A man was lying on his back, fully clothed, his arms folded over his chest, clutching something tightly in his arms. He looked to be in his seventies or possibly later, it was too hard to tell. It was like he had just laid down to rest, and didn't get back up. I moved a little closer wondering what it was that he was gripping so tightly. It looked to be a woman's nightgown.

"Edward!" I heard Bella yell from outside.

I grabbed a blanket that was on the end of the bed and hastily threw it over the body and rushed out the door following the trail of her scent.

"Look …" she said softly, pointing to a somewhat fresh grave with a small, hand carved cross nestled into the dirt with words burnt into the wood. It read:

My darling, Jeanette,

I will see you soon. Wait for me.

"There's a man inside," I said, barely above a whisper. She buried her head into my chest, while I wrapped my arms around her, trying to comfort her as best I could, but I felt the terrible loss along with her. I had no idea how this couple had survived out here all this time, so isolated from everything and everyone, but they had, just the two of them. We didn't know their story, but I could only guess as to what kind of life they had led these past few years. They couldn't have survived the bombs here, so they must have come to the cabin after everything had settled down, wanting to live their lives on their own terms.

Noticing a shack off to the side of the cabin, where I assumed a shovel would be inside, I pulled Bella toward the stairs of the cabin and asked her to sit.

"Will you be okay?" I asked and she nodded in return.

The ground wasn't frozen yet, so it didn't take me long to dig a new grave beside the other one. When I looked up to the cabin, Bella was gone, she wasn't sitting where I had left her. I quickly scanned the trees looking for her and listening when she finally came out of the woods to my left. She was carrying two pieces of wood and had fashioned them into a similar cross to the one already in the ground.

"Do we know his name?" she asked.

"I'll find out," I said putting the shovel in the dirt pile, and walked back to the cabin.

I wrapped the body in the blanket—it figured this would be my blanket. I opened the windows to air out the cabin while I looked around for any clue that would give me the man's name. I glanced at the wall of photographs and lifted a frame with the picture of what looked like it was taken on the couple's golden anniversary. The cake in front of them read, 'Happy 50th Jeanette and John.' They were surrounded by dozens of children and other adults and the picture was taken right in front of the cabin window. I took the photo out of the frame, placing it inside my shirt before walking back to the bedroom to carry "John" out to his wife.

Carefully placing him in his grave, I took out the photo of the couple's family and placed it on top of his body so he could be surrounded by his loved ones, even in death.

"John," I said, "his name is John," while I started filling in the grave. Both of our tasks were performed in silence: me filling the grave with the dirt, and her delicately carving his name into the cross. We both finished at the same time and I reached for her hand after she placed the cross firmly in the ground.

Rest in Peace, John.

You are together again.

The words she had carved were simple and heartfelt and perfect. My throat constricted, neither of us wanting to speak or even needing to speak. We stood for some time, just staring, until the snow started to fall. They were tiny, white flakes, floating on the breeze, and the sounds of the forest were as silent as the two of us.

Bella shivered and dropped my hand.

"I have to—I can't do this," she said turning from me and ran down to the lake. She was standing by the edge, flakes of snow nestled on her head and shoulders while her arms were wrapped tightly around her, and if I didn't know any better, I would have thought she was crying.

"Bella," I said, my voice cracking. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, Edward! I can't take it!" she yelled, clearly frustrated.

"Sor-" I stopped short. "Talk to me," I settled on instead.

"I don't want to care. Nothing good comes from it."

I stood beside her for a moment trying to think of what I could say that would make sense enough for her to see how wrong she was. I knew her words were based on fear. She was so afraid to hope for a life even remotely better than what she had been living for the past ten years. The ever optimist had become the cynic. Our roles had reversed.

"I know you're afraid and you have every right to be, Bella, but to say that nothing good comes from caring or loving is so incredibly wrong, but you know that. If you're thinking of that couple up there, you're blinded from what I saw. I saw a man who no longer wished to live a life without his wife. They lived a good life. I can tell that much by looking around the home they built. It's in their pictures, in their faces and the people they were surrounded by during their lifetime. It was even in the nightgown he clung to at the end. They loved, and loved each other very deeply. What could be better than that? What could possibly not be good about that?"

"Don't you see? In the end—after all that—he was still alone. He died alone, Edward!"

I let out a deep sigh. "Perhaps, if you look at it that way. But I don't see it like that. I sympathize with him. If only it'd been as simple for me as it was for him."

"What do you mean? Does this have to do with what Jasper was trying to tell me?"

I nodded, sitting down on the little bench that sat beside the shore. I pulled her to me and nestled her into my side.

"When you died, or so I thought, I wanted to die, too. I thought I had. I didn't want to live in world without you, and especially not the one we were facing. I was ready."

"What changed your mind?"

"Nothing changed my mind, it was set. But there were … circumstances." I paused, gathering my thoughts as to how to explain the 'circumstances.' "Ten years, a long time, I know, but that's how long it took to prove myself." She looked at me confused, so I started from the beginning, and told her everything. No more secrets. I told her about my thoughts and my theories, and how I wanted to meet her in the afterlife. How I had hoped she was waiting for me. I confessed my sins, and talked of my redemption so I could be judged worthy to be with her again.

The snow had continued to fall and our clothes were soaked through once again. The light was fading over the mountains. She remained completely silent, never once interrupting what I had to say, only listening intently as I told my story and the family's and spared her nothing, just as she had done for me. It was well into the evening when I had finished. The moon was covered by the snow clouds, so it was fairly dark even for our vampire sight, but I chanced a glance at her face and was torn by her emotionless expression and suddenly became very anxious.

"I know it doesn't compare to what you went through. I didn't want to tell you." We sat for a few breaths, listening to the wind through the trees and watching the waves on the lake. I let my words soak in, allowing her to process what I had just confessed.

"You were always with me, Bella, even through my darkest days, you were there. I was alone, but I wasn't," I explained anxiously. "I've always loved you and only you."

She lifted herself from my side and placed a leg over my lap, straddling me. Her face was still a mask, void of any emotion, but her eyes told me a different story. They had gone black, and I knew all too well what that meant. Gently, she held my face in her hands and leaned forward placing a soft and tender kiss upon my lips. Her forehead rested against mine, and she sighed deeply.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" she asked.

"I didn't think it mattered."

"Of course it would, you arrogant jerk." She laughed at me pushing her hips down ever so slightly. My stomach tightened impulsively, while I tried to concentrate on anything other than where her hips were resting.

"I didn't want you to think I was pathetic."

"You could never be pathetic."

"Some would argue that statement." I smiled. "I wanted you to come to me because you loved me, not because you pitied me."

"Edward Cullen …" she whispered, her forehead still resting on mine. "I told you …it's always been you," she breathed out before she put her lips to mine again. This time, it was with more fervor and I made sure to kiss her back. Her hair was covered in snowflakes and she looked like the angel I always thought she was.

She moaned softly, finally giving me the signal I had been waiting for this past week. With one swift movement I had her on the bench, pinned beneath me and I was hovering above her. She gripped my jacket, pulling me toward her as she started to undo the buttons on my shirt. This wasn't exactly the place I'd imagined this would happen, but underneath the stars, surrounded by a tender death and not a violent one for once, it all seemed to fit perfectly.

"We don't need a blanket," she said with laughter in her voice.

Her hands moved to my chest, and all I could do was hold my breath. I'd waited what seemed like a lifetime for these hands to touch me. I'd prayed for the strength to be able to feel them again and this was nothing like I'd imagined. I wanted her hands to never leave me, I wanted to be consumed by them, by her.

The phoenix hope can wing her way through the desert skies…

I stopped moving, not sure if what I heard was real. It had been almost a week since I had heard another voice in my head. I thought I'd imagined it. Although it was feminine, it was filled with malice and contempt and I knew it wasn't Bella.

She sensed my hesitation. "What?" she whispered.

I waited to see if I heard anything else, but there were no other voices in my head. I must have imagined it.

"Edward, what is it?"

"Nothing, it's just, I heard something. I must have imagined it."

She was alert now, listening to the wind in the trees. She gave me a curious look. "What did you hear?"

"A voice. A woman's voice."

She sat up, peering into the darkness. "What did she say?"

I shook my head confused by what I thought I'd heard. "I don't know. It was odd. Something about a phoenix winging through desert skies, or something."

Bella immediately crouched, growling while she placed me behind her turning to look to the trees.

"It was only a matter of time," she said. "It's a scout, just like I thought. It's part of a stupid quote. Something Maria used to say when she tested me against the newborns."

Bella had changed from the sad, timid and defeated girl, to this warrior woman ready for battle. It was rather impressive, even if I did feel a little affronted she felt the need to protect me. My body was just as alert as hers and scanned the woods for any thoughts that may still be in the vicinity.

"Did you hear anyone else?" she asked, not looking at me, but continuing to scan the trees.

"No, just the one voice."

"She'll have left once she saw me. Gone back to report to Maria. We have to go. You have to go back to Forks." She stood up straight, walking toward the cabin.

"Hold up," I yelled after, grabbing her arm. "You're not going without me, but you're right, we have to warn the family. They have to know what's happened."

"That's why we have to split up."

"Never again."

"Someone has to go after the scout, which—"

"Which is a waste of time, because we'll never catch her," I cut her off. "She's long gone, and the snow is covering her tracks. We're going to Forks."

"But all that'll do is lead Maria to Forks."

"It'll buy us some time. She's not going to be mobile anytime soon. We can regroup and cut her off as she makes her way North. We can't do that alone. We need the family and whoever else they managed to find to help. We're wasting time arguing about this. We go together or not at all," I said.

She contemplated my words, biting her lip like she was chewing on the decision, until finally she looked at my outstretched hand.

"Are you ready to face them? It's now or never, Bella."

She took hold firmly, and I for a brief moment I thought I might never let go of her hand, like we were infused as one. We ran through the darkness while I said silent promises to the two souls we'd just reunited, hoping we'd return one day to visit them.