After.
Chapter Ten: Awaken
"How is she doing?"
"I don't feel the word 'good' is appropriate here – but better than before."
"Any permanent damage?"
"Too early to tell. She nearly died. It's a miracle we have a pulse at all."
Shepard opened her eyes, feeling a sense of deja vu. The smell of antiseptic. Kaidan standing by her bedside. Chakwas calmly pushing away his worries.
'I was just hit by the Prothean beacon,' she realized, silently wondering why the lights were so bright. Weren't the lights in the med-bay a sort of blueish color? Somewhat dim? And why was Kaidan wearing that uniform? What happened to his Alliance Blues? Why did he look older? Why was Chakwas wearing black and white with that strange logo? Why did the room look different?
Shepard frowned, before attempting to speak, "Wha-?" her voice instantly cracked – reminding her of...something. Some time she had awoken after a long time. The memory itself seemed to be hiding from her, however.
"Gaz," Kaidan smiled – her memory taking her back to that same expression – only he looked younger. The room was darker and more blue. Why was the room so bight?
"What?" she repeated, "What's going on?" her voice was rough. It felt unused.
"Welcome back to the world of the living, Commander," Chakwas warmly greeted, folding her hands behind her back, "What's the last thing you remember?" the woman lifted a data-pad from behind her back.
"I..."
Being appointed to the CO of the Normandy flashed in her head. Anderson's sacrifice to allow her to continue with her mission to stop Saren. But a specific last memory? She couldn't pinpoint it. Images floated around in her mind that didn't make sense. She simply shook her head – making the room spin slightly.
Shepard groaned.
"Easy, Commander," Chakwas cautioned, placing a delicate hand upon her arm.
"I remember the Normandy," she motioned around her, "Best damn ship in the Alliance fleet. Half built by turian engineers," she smiled, still proud that this was her ship, "I remember..." she noticed the expression change upon Kaidan's face – instantly shooting to Chakwas. The older woman held a cool expression – making a few notes on her data-pad, "I remember...becoming a Spectre? I remember...Joker's awkward story about being named Joker," she frowned in thought, "Ashley...I killed her," the emotion waved over her a bit harder than it should have – eyes growing glassy from the thought, "I didn't want to make that choice – but the bomb had to be protected," she defended herself, "She may have been a xenophobic religious nut – but she was one badass woman."
Kaidan offered her a sad smile, taking her hand.
"Where do you think you are right now, Commander?" Chakwas asked, breaking Shepard's concentration on pulling memories out of her cloudy mind.
"The Normandy Sick Bay. Though it looks brighter than I remember."
"Can you tell me the ID number of the Normandy?"
"SR-1."
Kaidan's grip on her hand increased.
Had she answered wrong?
"It's S-something-1. My mind is a little cloudy," she frowned, noticing how most of her body was wrapped in various bandages and braces, "And why are you in that uniform, Chakwas?"
"This uniform?"
"Yes."
"This is my uniform Commander."
"No – that's not Alliance."
"Kaidan – why don't you go get something to eat in the mess, you haven't eaten in quite some time."
Alenko frowned, "But she's awake."
"Let me speak to her alone, Alenko."
"Yes ma'am."
Shepard silently watched him leave.
"Is he starting to gray? When did that happen?" Shepard asked, following Kaidan's movement as he left.
"Shepard, you were out for an entire Earth-day."
"Explains the headache..."
"You were attacking mercenaries on a small planet with a tiny human colony. Do you remember that, Commander?"
Smell of blood. Grass. Grass in her face. Panic. Ringing.
"Just...senses. Nothing solid."
"You nearly died there. You were overwhelmed. Kaidan happened to be on the planet as well as saved your life. Garrus and Samara were pinned down on the opposite side of the field from you and couldn't help."
"Happened to be on the planet...what?"
"You've clearly suffered a severe concussion, Commander, for your recent memories are technically nearly three years old."
"Three years-?"
"You defeated Saren. The Normandy SR-1 was destroyed and you died in the accident. Cerberus," she pointed to the logo on her uniform, "Picked up the pieces and brought you back to life in a non-metaphorical fashion. They brought Joker and myself back on this vessel – the Normandy SR-2. You recruited: Tali'Zorah, Garrus, Grunt, Thane, Samara, Zaeed, Kasumi, Legion, and Jack. Miranda Lawson was head of the group that put you back together and is the XO on this ship. You then defeated what the Reapers did to the Protheans – known as Collectors."
"I think I'm going to be sick..."
–
Joker silently sat in the mess, pushing his food around his plate. His bullet-proof Commander had nearly died. Again. And that asshole Kaidan had saved her.
"Mind if I sit here, Joker?"
The Helmsman raised his eyes at the familiar voice. Kaidan. He resisted the urge to narrow his eyes at the man, and simply nodded. He wished that Garrus or Tali was in the area, so he would sit by them instead. Kaidan always preferred his squad-mates above Joker.
"How's she doing?" Joker asked, stabbing the food on his plate without looking up.
"She's awake. Memory seems a bit off though."
"Off?"
"She thinks she's on the SR-1."
Joker nearly dropped his fork, before taking a deep breath, "Probably a concussion. She'll be fine."
"Hopefully."
There was an awkward pause, as both men silently ate. Finally, Kaidan felt the need to break the silence.
"So...how are you doing?"
"How am I doing?"
"That's what I asked."
"Generally enjoying flying the Normandy again," he smiled at his plate, "I actually got to do some exciting maneuvers with her when we were dealing with the Collectors."
"She's not really the Normandy, Joker. I hope you know that."
"Then that's not really Shepard," he met the man's gaze, and pointed at the med-bay with his fork.
"Funny – she made that exact comparison to me the other night."
"That had to go over well."
"Yeah...no."
"Shepard's touchy on the subject of 'not being Shepard.' I mean think about what she's been through."
"Yeah...I know."
"Hell maybe with the concussion she won't remember Horizon or your recent date and you'll get a shot again," Joker's words didn't sound pleased.
"You seem a little defensive over the Commander, Joker."
"She's my friend."
"No, she's your Commander."
"I was there the second she got off of the Cerberus base with the Normandy at my side – not questioning her once. I think I've earned her friendship."
"That's called being obedient," Kaidan didn't look up from his meal.
Joker licked his lips, "Then what are you?"
Kaidan lowered his fork and stared at Joker, "Her and I were involved Joker. It makes everything more complicated."
"How?"
"It just does."
"Losing her hurt me too."
Kaidan's looked away from the table at Gardner who was having an argument with Donnelly about the meal, "We wouldn't have lost her if it wasn't for you, Joker."
The Helmsman tightened his grip on his fork, intently staring at his food, "Fuck you, Kaidan."
"I mourned her. That's why this is hard. Can't you see that?" Kaidan continued, as if he hadn't just gravely insulted Joker.
"My SR-1 hat is still on her memorial. I mourned her too, asshole. Don't act like you're the only one who cared about her."
"I loved her. Having her ripped away from me was the hardest thing I've ever had happen in my entire life."
"If you ever actually felt anything towards her, the use of 'love' there wouldn't have been past-tense."
Kaidan slammed his fork onto his plate, and folded his hands behind his tray, "Why don't we just talk about this like civilized people instead of constantly throwing insults at each-other?" he asked in an annoyingly calm voice.
"Why don't you shove that fork up your ass?" Joker replied in an evenly calm tone. The quick tapping of boots quickly came to a halt beside them. Miranda Lawson leaned on the edge of the table – her eyes scanning both of them, "Do we have a problem here?"
She had taken over as the CO since Shepard had come back critically injured. Joker had to admit she scared the shit out of him – but she was damn good on getting on top of things before they spiraled into anything big. He quickly had to stop his mind from taking that thought into something entirely different though quite a bit more enjoyable. Her breasts being this close to his face wasn't helping the thought, however.
"No ma'am," Kaidan quickly stated, grabbing his tray and leaving. Joker swore at the man under his breath, and continued pushing his food around. Surprisingly, Miranda sat across from him. He glanced up at her, "Good morning, Executive Officer Lawson," he evenly stated, taking a sip of his water.
"Moreau," she nodded, "My title is a bit of a mouthful, isn't it?" she frowned. Joker awkwardly ate more of his food, not used to the rather busty woman talking to him. At least she wasn't wearing Samara's outfit. There was no way he could keep eye-contact with that asari.
"May I inquire what your argument with Spectre Alenko was about?" she asked, causing Joker to frown. Kaidan was a Spectre now? What the hell...?
"Kaidan was being an ass," he spoke informally, "Blamed me for Shepard's death and was attempted to defend his actions against Shepard in an annoying fashion," he reported, pausing to chew his food. Miranda awkwardly nodded, before continuing, "Is his presence on the ship going to be a problem for you, Helmsman?"
"He and I never really got along. Not going to change now."
"Will the other SR-1 crew have a problem with him?"
"He and Garrus were friends. They should be fine. I always assumed he had a thing for Tali – so that should be fine too. Chakwas saw him like a pet, so again – fine. Though I know she's annoyed at him for his actions towards Shepard."
Lawson nodded, her hands neatly folded in front of her, "Right..."
"You're doing a good job as acting Commander," Joker ventured, always wanting to be on the good side of the Ice Queen.
"Really?" her face appearing surprisingly vulnerable.
"Yeah – like that could have gotten ugly between Kaidan and I. Ugly meaning I throw my eggs at him, and he biotic warps me to death. Or biotic-pushes me into that wall so hard I shatter," he laughed under his breath – surprised to hear Miranda's own laugh.
"Then Gardner would have to scrape chunks of you off the floor and walls, and probably end up adding them to lunch..." she frowned in distaste – Joker's eyes widening at the disturbing joke she just told.
"Huh – didn't know you had a fucked up sense of humor too."
"Being somewhat fired from Cerberus is letting me relax a little," she admitted, before rising to her impressive height, "Anyway, have a pleasant day, Moreau."
"You too, Lawson."
–
AN: Awkward lack of memory for Shepard. Having a concussion is confusing. I once had a light one which made my short-term memory non-existent. I figured playing with the Commander's mind could be fun. Also, I enjoyed Kaidan/Shepard a bit too much in this chapter. The Joker and Kaidan part was almost too easy to write. I can really see Kaidan just going for the obvious blow there. I always got a sense they didn't care for each other. So much space-drama. These are the orbits of our lives...
No, no – this will not turn into a soap opera – I promise.
Anyway...
Rated M for: Language, future sexual situations, future violence, and so I can have freedom without fear of scarring a teen for life.
Oh – and I don't own anything ever.