A thousand apologies. I had planned on there being one chapter left, had it all laid out and the bones built then started building the scenes that would flesh it out. Annnddd realized it was HUGE! So, I've had to break it down. The good news is (for I guess some of you) there are THREE more chapters. And the better news is they are mostly done, with just going back over to check continuity, spelling etc. Sooooo, over the next week I will put them up. The bad news is (for some of you) you'll have to read ANOTHER 100 pages to finally get to the end. As usual, thanks for the continued support. I can just about guarantee none of my future stories will ever be this big! All the legal stuff applies . . . as always, enjoy!

Chapter 46

"Johnny .. ."

"That was a great party, Roy. And I can't believe Chet. Man! He just never learns, does he. I mean …." Johnny chatted inanely as if the sound of Roy's voice had activated his mouth. Roy sighed as he sat relaxing in the lawn chair next to his partner. He could see the half empty bottle of cream soda carefully balanced on Johnny's knee and the dark head angled upward, dark eyes staring off into the evening sky.

"Johnny, . . ." Roy started again, his tone serious.

"And my aunt coming by, even if for only a few moments. That was great. Man, I can't believe it's been nearly two years since I've seen her. And all that incredible food . . ." Johnny absently patted his middle. "I don't think I'll eat again for at least a week."

"That'll never happen." Roy stated with a chuckle. He saw a flash of white teeth as the younger man gave a quick grin. "Yeah. I know." Roy took a deep breath and began again, "Johnny, about what hap . . ."

"And all those gifts! Did you tell everyone to bring gifts? You didn't need to. Man, the party was enough. Did I thank you for that yet? Thanks again partner, it was great."

Roy smiled at his delaying tactics but had to ask, "Were you surprised?"

Johnny nodded, his mouth full of cream soda. He swallowed and replied, "Oh yeah. You guys got me good. Telling me Jo needed me to move some furniture."

Roy chuckled again, "Well she did. You helped me move the picnic table and the chairs." He patted the armrest of the chair he slouched in.

Johnny lifted the now nearly empty bottle in acknowledgement.

Silence. Then . . .

"Johnny,"

"Roy, please don't." Johnny's voice was soft with an edge of pain in it.

Roy placed a hand on his partner's shoulder. "Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm sorry he ruined your party. I told him I'd help him practice for his practicals but I never told him to come this weekend."

Johnny's face was now tilted downward and Roy could barely see him in the weak moonlight. "It wasn't your fault, Roy." His voice was low. "And you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes. Yes I do. See Johnny, I. . .uh . . . I feel responsible for what happened. No now, please hear me out." He raised his hand to silence the protests he saw Johnny getting ready to voice. "I said some pretty nasty things to you and made some mean jokes about you when Marc was around. I guess he thought that meant I felt the same way as he did. I can't tell you how bad I feel about that now. To think that hateful family attacked you here, in this house, the very place I swore you'd always feel at home in. . . ." Roy felt his jaw tighten in anger as he recalled the insults perpetuated on his young partner earlier.

"Roy. It's ok. I understand." Johnny's voice was now closer to his normal timber but something about it still sounded off to Roy's experienced ear. Johnny took another swig of soda before he went on. "It really was a great party and I do really want to thank you, Jo and the kids for all you did. You didn't need to make such a fuss over me but the get-together was incredible."

That 'Johnny Alert' in the back of Roy's head started tingling. He found himself sitting up a little straighter, straining his eyes to get a good look at his friend's face. "Yes, we did need to make a fuss. Johnny, it was . . . is . . . your birthday celebration. And there was a time not too long ago we were all afraid you wouldn't ever celebrate another one again." Johnny kept his face in profile, refusing to look at his partner. Roy took a breath and went right at the specter looming between them. "Johnny, they are not welcome here. Never again. The Kents wore thin their welcome in this house the day you came home from the hospital after your first infection started. Now they will never be allowed back."

He saw Johnny start slightly and give him a quick puzzled glance. Roy nodded. "Yes. Tammy let herself into the house, intending apparently to enticing Jo on an evening out. Jo tried to tell her she wasn't interested, that she was caring for a sick friend. Then I guess Jo heard you and when she went to help you, Tammy followed and saw you and realized you were the sick friend Jo meant. She then tried to convince Jo to send you back to the hospital, using some of those same . . ." Roy made a face as he censored his mouth. "comments that Amy spouted." Now he chuckled, "And Jo let her have it. I'd come home and overheard Jo and as soon as she was done, I kicked Tammy out right then and there."

Johnny nodded slowly, vaguely recalling seeing Tammy's face, ugly from being scrunched up with obvious hate, glaring at him before he was pulled back under by the fever. "Well. I know you've been helping Marc with his recertifications. If . . . maybe . . ." He paused, sighing softly before he ended with, "I guess I should just call or something before I come over."

Roy sighed, rolling his eyes in exasperation as his head went back against the chair, "What is it gonna take to get this through to you!" He leaned forward and grasped the arm to Johnny's chair, shaking it slightly as he added. "John, I don't want him here. And Jo doesn't want her here. And now, I seriously doubt Jenny wants Amy within ten feet of this house."

That only made Johnny think about the damage done to the little girl's room and how he'd held her as she clutching tightly to her uncle while crying over her destroyed treasures. "I'm sooo sorry for that." His voice reflected exactly how sorry he was. "Maybe . . . I think I can sand the gouges outta the dresser. Then restain it. And the bookshelf too. And I think I know a place that can replace the mirror. . . I don't know about the porcelain dolls and the figurines though, I guess I can . . ."

"John! Stop!" Roy's curt voice made Johnny jump and in surprise he looked over at his partner. Roy was shaking his head, his gaze locked on Johnny, his face stern. "You will do nothing. It wasn't your fault and it isn't your responsibility to fix it. Are we clear?"

Johnny blinked owl-like then gave a faint nod. "Good." Roy settled back. "now, again. I'm sorry you had to have that happen on the day we were celebrating your birthday, of all days. If this is anyone's fault, it's mine. I should have told him to leave when he first came up to me and I realized no one had invited them." He shook his head again. "The things he said. . ."

Johnny drank the last of his soda and let the bottle dangle from his fingers. "It was nothing. I've heard worse." He gave a careless shrug.

Roy sat up again, his eyes wide as he stared at Johnny. Johnny looked over and saw the genuine look of horror on his partner's face. It made him suddenly self-conscious and he fidgeted.

"You're serious." Roy's voice sounded as shocked as his face looked. Johnny shifted uncomfortably and gave a hesitant nod. Roy groaned as he watched his friend. "Johnny, you have no idea how bad that hurts me."

"I'm sorry, Roy." Johnny's soft voice was contrite. Roy shook his head. "Don't be sorry, Johnny. I told you before, you've got nothing to be sorry for. It's not your fault that some people are so . . .so . . . narrow-minded that . . . that . . ."

Johnny watched his partner blow out his breath as he stumbled through his words. Roy sank weakly back into his chair. "I don't think I ever fully understood before just how much words can wound." He muttered, then gave a faint snort, "like a knife." He was remembering the horrible slashes the dream Brice had showed him he'd caused on Johnny from his comments.

Although Johnny didn't know exactly what Roy was thinking, the connection they shared let him know the direction he was thinking. "I knew you didn't mean it."

Now Roy sat up again and pinned Johnny with his stare. "Don't lie John. I know it hurt you and I know you couldn't help but think I meant each and every word. Even now I know there's a part of you that wonders if I really meant them and am just regretting speaking them outloud." Johnny ducked his head, trying to hide his face from his partner but again, the connection silently spoke. Roy knew what he surmised was true. He sighed heavily. "God, Johnny, I wish I had never said any of it. I wish I could totally wipe that away, so you'd never have any doubt about how I really feel about you. I wish I could go back and undo everything you went through because of my stupidity." He watched as his young partner slowly nodded his head, acknowledging that he'd heard and understood Roy's heartfelt plea. But Roy also knew that because of what had happened, what he'd done, the relationship between them had changed. It didn't mean that they weren't still friends and partners or that from here the relationship might actually become stronger. It just meant there had been irrevocable change caused by his actions. Roy took a deep breath and continued, "And I wish you didn't have to go through what you did here and in the past." He shook his head, "And this wasn't the worst?"

Johnny gave a rueful chuckle, "Trust me."

Roy caught the dark eyes with his and tried his best to convey to his partner what he couldn't get into words. "I'm sorry. I pray you never have to hear anything like that again."

This time Johnny held his gaze for a long time, then a slow, genuine smile curved his lips. "Thank you." He said softly.

Roy nodded and both men settled back into their chairs, staring up at what stars could peek through the smoggy sky. Silence reigned and just as Roy was going to suggest they go inside, Johnny deliberately whined, "Can't I at least replace her horses?"

Inside, Jo sat heavily in a chair, limp relief a sharp contrast to the former tautness of her body. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and stifled back a sobbing breath. She had overheard many interesting things from her husband's and Johnny's late night deck conversations but that was by far the most gut-wrenching. Silently she echoed Roy's spoken prayer/wish that Johnny wouldn't ever hear those kind of hurting words again but realistically knew the odds. "If that must be then Lord? May we or others like us be there to show him the falsehood of those words." She prayed. With firm resolve, she got up and poured three cups of coffee, placed them on the table, pulled out some of the desserts and added plates before going back to the door.

She had her hand on the handle to pull it open when she heard Johnny's last comment and Roy's exasperated, "Johnny!" Laughing, she opened the door. Both men looked over at her, blinking at the light coming from the kitchen. She smiled, "I've got fresh coffee waiting in here." She enticed.

Johnny visibly perked up, "Coffee? I could use coffee."

"And maybe another piece of cake?" Jo teased. Johnny' face lit up in a grin. Roy chuckled as he and Johnny got to their feet and walked by Jo. The couple's eyes met, then went to where Johnny was happily filling a plate with desserts as if he hadn't just eaten a few hours ago. "Happy Birthday Johnny." Jo said.

"Yeah, partner, Happy Birthday. And many happy returns."

Johnny looked up at them and smiled. He nodded, his eyes bright with happiness, "It was happy. Thank you."

With that the three sat down to coffee, treats and more companionable discussion.

Monday morning found the A shift crew trickling into the locker room to change. Roy greeted his partner with a smile as Johnny burst through the door with his usual enthusiastic greeting.

"Hey Gage. I looked up that bible verse you quoted and it still didn't make sense. I think you got it wrong." Chet scoffed. Marco caught Johnny's eyes and rolled his own. "Why don't you discuss it with Father Ben next time you see him?" the lineman suggested.

Chet looked at him first than defiantly at Johnny who was seated on the bench putting on his shoes. "Don't think I won't. And then Gage, I'll come back and correct you."

Johnny snorted softly, "Sure Chester B. You do that."

A soft chuckle came from where Mike was fastening his badge and Chet faltered in his smile, suddenly not quite so confident that he had caught his favorite target in a faux pas and not the other way around. To ease his distress over that, he moved on to other teasing. "So, Gage, what's a tanglelidalia?

This seemingly out of context question got everyone's attention, including the intended. Johnny raised his head, his face one of pure puzzlement. "Huh?"

Chet put on a condescending face, "I'm trying to use small words here Gage, the least you can do is pay attention."

That got a few muffled snickers and a scowl from Johnny. "I am. What you said made no sense." He looked toward his shiftmates, his hand raised in silent plea. "Right? Am I right? Did it make any sense to you?" Marco pretended to be busy in his locker but Mike and Roy dutifully shook their heads.

Chet sighed and began to speak patiently, "I asked you what a tangledailia was."

Johnny blinked then made a face. "Tangledailia. I don't . . . Chet I don't even think that's a word! How would I know what that is?"

Chet looked smugly at the frowning medic. "Well you should. It was on one of your presents." He pulled a brightly colored tag out of his pocket and read in a falsetto voice, "To My Tangledaila, All my love forever." He rolled his eyes as he smirked. "wow, Gage, some chick's so hung on you she uses baby-talk names."

The reaction Chet got was not what he—or anyone else—was expecting. Johnny's face went white, his mouth fell open and his eyes widened. Then he shot to his feet and snatched the tag from Chet's startled grasp all the time screaming in a high loud voice, "Where'd you get . . . How'dya find out . . . Who sent that?"

Now it was Chet's turn to color as he pulled back from the taller man. Johnny used his height to tower over Chet, his face now set in angry lines, his eyes flashing a fire Chet had rarely seen in the young paramedic. "I …I…I . .. " The Irishman stuttered as he took two steps away. In delayed reaction, Roy leapt to his partner's side as Marco stepped closer to Chet. Mike had shut his locker door and stood ready to help in any way needed.

"I asked you where you got this!" Johnny's dropped into a low growl through clenched teeth as he shook his fist, still clutching the tag, in Chet's face.

Now Chet began to get angry, "For Christ's sake Gage, chill out! I found it at Roy's house while sweeping their floor." He turned away, making sure he was closer to Marco then the still heavily breathing, red faced paramedic. "Geez! Don't take it out on me because some chick thinks . . ."

"That's not what this is!" Johnny's shrill protest cut him off and for the first time all of them realized Johnny was genuinely upset and not just reacting to Chet's teasing. Roy placed a calming hand on his partner's shoulder and could feel both his rapid breaths and his trembling. "Johnny . . ." He began, but Johnny shrugged off his hand. He turned to his partner and Roy blinked at the anguish he could see in his friend's dark eyes. It made him pause. "No Roy, you don't understand! None of you understand!" Johnny waved his hand around as the words burst from him.

"So tell me." Roy kept his voice calm as he maintained eye contact.

Chet took advantage of the distraction to shut his locker and move away from the two. But he couldn't resist one last jab. "Geez, Roy. Call Rampart and get your partner some valium, man. Wiggin' out that way over some dumb made up name . . ." With a martyred sigh, Marco grabbed the Irishman's arm and pulled him out of the locker area, but not before he sent Roy a supporting look and received a faint nod. "C'mon Chet, you've caused enough chaos for this early. I need coffee." His worried gaze landed again on Johnny before the door shut.

Johnny had sunk to the bench. The energy that had made him seem so tight he would explode just a second before drained rapidly from him, leaving him limp. He stared at the tag in his hand as if it held the answers to the universe. Mike, too, moved forward, his gaze catching Roy's as he quietly said, "I'll tell Cap you might be a little late." He dropped a hand on Johnny's slumped shoulder and gave him a faint pat but Johnny didn't seem to notice. Then he, too, left.

Roy looked back down at his friend and worried his lip. "Johnny?"

"Where did it come from? Where? How did . . . how could anyone know?" Johnny's voice was soft now, and plaintive.

"Johnny, we'll find out. Jo kept a list of all the presents you were given and who gave them." He assured his friend. To this Johnny looked up. "She did?"

Roy nodded and grinned, "She, uhh, thought you might like to thank the people later and was sure you wouldn't remember who gave you what."

Johnny nodded at that, remembering how all the kids had delightedly—and with much enthusiasm— "helped" him open his pile of gifts. There had been boxes, bows and papers everywhere in just a few short minutes. "oh. Good." He faintly acknowledged as his head bobbed, his gaze again on the tag. Now he frowned, "But . . . but didn't all the gifts have a tag? I don't remember."

Now Roy's face darkened, "No. From the cheese puff handprints on the white linens and the disarray of the stack, we have a strong guess as to why."

Johnny's face paled, "You don't think she took any of them, do you?"

Roy smiled as he reassured his friend, "If she did, they didn't leave the house. Cap made sure that only what came with them left with them."

Now Johnny gave a faint smirk, "Except my gift from them."

Roy chuckled as he remembered the puzzled look on his friend's face when he opened the youth's sized t-shirt with the spray painted picture of a realistic looking rescue squad complete with flashing lights and the words underneath, "My Daddy is a Paramedic!" It hadn't taken long to figure that one out.

"Yeah, except that. Jo said that tag said, 'To the son of my partner.' He didn't get any of it right, did he." Roy shook his head in disgust at that thought. Johnny snorted once but then his gaze went back to his hand. He turned the tag over… nothing on the back. He read it again. The words hadn't changed. 'To Tanagila. All my Love Forever.' The words were well spaced with a slight flourish but not really feminine or masculine. No real clue there.

Roy watched his friend closely. It was obvious that whatever message this tag had for his young partner, he had understood at least part of it… and he was very bothered by it. "I . . I don't understand . . ." Johnny was now faintly muttering, a wounded look on his face.

"Johnny?" He motioned toward the tag Johnny was once more staring at. "What don't you understand? What does it mean?"

Johnny remained silent as he shook his head. Roy sighed. "Well whatever it is, it sure has you upset." Roy offered, hoping to start his partner talking in a way he could understand, and perhaps, help him. Johnny nodded. "Yeah, I . . . I never thought I'd hear this . . ." He stopped as he sighed heavily, dropped his hands limply into his lap and stared off into his locker.

"Wanna tell me about it?" Roy had sat beside his partner, his voice soft. He saw Johnny staring into his still open locker and followed his line of sight. He swallowed heavily as he realized what Johnny had focused on.

Johnny had heard his friend's words even as his attention was caught by the little decoupaged sign hanging in his locker. Jenny had made it for him the previous Christmas. It read, "Love is giving someone the power to break your heart and then trusting them not to." Johnny couldn't help but think about all that had happened in the last few months. He had trusted Roy, and Roy had broken his heart. Could he—should he trust him again?

Roy's gaze went from the sign to his friend's face, correctly reading the emotions in the dark eyes. His own face shifted from white to red to white as he realized what his past action might now mean. "Johnny, you don't have to tell me anything." His voice was low as he moved to stand.

"It's Dakhota. It's Hummingbird." Johnny's voice was so soft Roy nearly missed it. He settled back down, his heart soaring with the trust he knew his friend was extending.

"Hummingbird? You mean it's what you would call a hummingbird in Dahkota?"

Johnny nodded, "It was my family name. Unci . . . that's grandmother. . . she gave it to me about the time I started walking. She. . . she told me that the way I raced around and the way I ate so much reminded her of the hummingbirds."

Roy nodded. "I can understand that. It makes sense. So was it your Tribal name?" He dug deep in his mind for what he'd either read about or gleaned from the sporadic talks his friend had told about his upbringing.

Johnny shook his head. "No, that's something different. This is more . .. " He sighed heavily again, "Think of it best as an . . an endearment, a family nickname."

"Ok." Roy thought he understood. "A little more personal than just a generic sweetheart or darling. Something like when you call Jenny 'Kiddle""

Johnny nodded, then faced Roy. "But Roy. It was only immediate family that ever called me that. And . . and they're all dead. Oh, I guess maybe a cousin or so might have heard my mom or someone say it but I have no contact with any of them." He gave a snort, his face twisted and his voice heavy with sarcasm, "And I seriously doubt any of them know or would even care to know where I am or even if I'm still alive." That little tidbit of his partner's past sent another shaft of compassion straight through Roy.

Johnny shook his head again as he stared at the tag. "I don't think my aunt even knows it. I know I never told her and she only came to visit us maybe twice when my mom and dad were still alive."

"Could your grandparents have told her?" Roy asked wondering again about this aunt who Johnny had credited with 'saving' him. It wasn't the first time he wondered over what his partner's life had been like between the time his grandfather had died and his aunt took him to live with her. The dreams he'd witnessed during Johnny's recent illness had stirred back up these thoughts. Just how well had Johnny known this aunt before living with her? His admission that she'd only visited a few times before he was orphaned belied any thought of a familiar relationship between them before she took custody.

Johnny shook his head, "I doubt it. I don't think they had much contact with her. I mean, she's part of my Mom's family and they . . . well…" He sighed again and made a face. "That's another story. Like I said, it was a family endearment. I haven't heard it for years." Suddenly he went still as he frowned, "At least . .. Ohhh . . ." Now his eyes widened and the color he'd gained back faded.

Roy moved closer to him. "What. Johnny what? What is it?"

Johnny turned to blink at Roy. "When . . . when I was in the hospital, I woke up once when someone was in my room." He ducked his head as a faint blush colored his cheeks. "I . . .I thought I felt someone kiss me and . . . and call me 'Tanagila'." (Roy noticed Johnny pronounced the word very differently from the way Chet had mangled it.) "When I forced open my eyes, there was someone staring down at me. I couldn't see that well; my vision was sometimes really fuzzy after getting my pain meds." He looked at Roy who was watching him closely. "I put it down to a reaction from the fever or pain meds." He smirked, "I was having some pretty intense dreams off and on."

Roy gave a serious nod. "Yeah. I know." He leaned forward. "Did you ask about it?"

Johnny nodded, "Yeah. I guess I fell back asleep almost immediately. Next time I woke, Gretchen was doing a vitals check. I asked her if anyone had been in my room but she said she'd been the only one in with me."

Roy frowned, "She was sure? I mean I know that usually student nurses and aids will pop in and out of rooms to change linens, fill water pitchers and things."

To his consternation, Johnny's gaze focused hard on him before dropping to his hand. "I'm sure. That . . . uhhh that was the first day after you and I uhhhh." He sighed, "And well? Since I'd kinda had a bad night, Gretchen did everything for me that shift. No one else was allowed to come in. That's what she told me when I asked."

Roy nodded silently as he remembered how after Johnny had ordered him to leave, the next shift the floor nurse hadn't bothered to read his chart so Johnny had spent the next two shifts with no water, no food and in a painful position because he couldn't shift himself in bed.

Roy tried a smile, "Well, it looks like we have a mystery."

Johnny flashed a quick grin himself, his gaze again on the tag. "Yeah. I guess." Roy clasped a hand again on his shoulder. "I hear the squad returning. We'd better get out there." Johnny nodded. Then he stood and pulled his wallet from his back pocket. He opened it and carefully tucked the tag into it. Roy nodded to him, "You uhhh, collect yourself and finish getting ready and I'll . .. I'll . ." he motioned toward the door.

Johnny nodded as Roy stepped to the door. "Johnny?" Johnny's head rose and brown eyes met blue. "About the guys . . .?"

Johnny sighed, knowing that his little reaction would make his shiftmates concerned. "Go ahead and tell them. Otherwise Chet will make us all miserable all shift."

Roy nodded, knowing that was true. The door burst open and C shift's paramedics came through. "Hey. Kelly said you guys were in here. Squad's fine; we restocked last night and our last two calls were minor—didn't even need transporting." Matt Hollister said with a grin. Dwyer stopped in front of Johnny, a puzzled look on his face. Johnny looked up with a puzzled look of his own. "Tom?"

"You ok Johnny?"

Johnny blinked, "yyeeeaaaahhhh. Why?"

Dwyer shrugged as he began unbuttoning his shirt. "Nothing I guess."

Matt snorted, "Kelly's got him worried. He's in there ranting to the crew about Roy needing to strap you down because you totally lost it over some baby-talking chick."

Johnny's mouth set into a firm line as his gaze met Roy's. Roy rolled his eyes and acknowledged his partner's silent plea even as he slipped out the door. As he left the room, Johnny was thanking Matt and Dwyer for coming to his party.

He entered the kitchen to find the other four members of A shift seated at the table. He noticed the engine was missing when he went through the bay and asked Cap, "Hard call?"

"Structure fire down by the warehouse district. They were third alarm so are on clean up." Cap answered. Then he frowned, "Uh Roy? Is John uh, is he . . ?"

Roy smiled reassuringly at his captain as he took two cups and poured coffee into them. "He's fine."

"He's crazy! That's what he is!" Chet burst out. "That partner of yours is certifiably crazy! I mean really, getting all worked up like that over some stupid chick's trick. I mean . . "

"Kelly!" Cap growled while both Marco and Mike covered their faces with their hands and groaned. Chet looked up at his Captain, his face frowning, "What Cap? I didn't do anything! All I did was . . ."

"All you did was find something you thought you could tease Johnny about, then got all bent out of shape because instead of protesting and blustering like Johnny usually does, so you can tease him more, it really offended him." Mike burst out. All eyes turned on him as he glared at the lineman. At first Chet bristled then he slumped down in his seat. "he was really upset wasn't he." He made that a statement and saw everyone nod. Cap, who hadn't been in the room but had heard the account from all his men now asked, "Roy? Did he talk to you?"

Roy nodded as he sipped his coffee. "He did and he wanted me to tell you."

Chet leaned forward his mustache twitching, "so? It was some chick, right? A past dumper who's come back to haunt him?"

"Chet, for once, just shut up!" Surprisingly, that outburst came from Marco and Chet sat back, blinking in surprise at the harsh tone from his easygoing compadré.

Roy ignored him, "First off, the word Tanagila ( he thought his pronunciation was close to what Johnny had used) is not a made up word, it's Dahkota. Johnny said it was the family nickname given him by his grandmother; something just for him and more personal than just honey or sweetheart." He took another drink then added, "He said that as far as he knows everyone who called him that name is dead. That's why seeing that tag was such a shock to him. He hasn't been called that for years."

Each man paused as he thought of similar nicknames in their own families, some by relatives now gone. "No wonder he reacted like he did." Chet mused as he thought of his favorite aunt's habit of calling him "buairt" –Irish for trouble. He knew he'd be just as upset to find a gift with that written on it, even though he still had living relatives who knew she'd used it.

"So, who wrote the tag? What was it on?" Mike asked.

Roy shrugged, "That's part of the mystery. Some of the gifts didn't have tags because of Amy. I'm gonna call Jo and let her know and she'll look around, make sure we didn't miss anything, try to match the tag up with whatever gift it was on."

"Part of the mystery?" Marco picked up on that comment. Roy nodded as he swallowed more coffee. Just then Johnny came to the door and paused. He raised a hand and gave a slight wave, a weak grin on his face. "Hi guys. Sorry I'm late for roll call, Cap." His voice was not his usual boisterous greeting.

Cap rose and clapped him on the shoulder while Mike stood and pulled out the chair between himself and Roy. "Not a problem John. I decided to hold it right here since the engine isn't back yet."

Johnny sat in the offered chair flashing a quick grin of thanks to Mike who resettled next to him. Roy shoved the other coffee cup into his partner's hand. Johnny had just wrapped his hand around it when Cap's words registered. "Engine's not here?" He strained his head around as if to see into the bay.

Cap repeated what he'd told the others then added, "Roy told us about the tag,"

Johnny nodded as he sipped the warm brew. He ducked his head, his eyes on the cup as he confessed, "Sorry . . . about earlier. I . . . I guess I sorta over-reacted. It . . . it was just ummm."

"We got it, Johnny."

"No need to apologize."

"It was nothing." Three voice echoed as one. Johnny flashed a smile but kept his eyes on the coffee cup braced by his hands.

"Roy. You said the tag was part of the mystery." Mike returned to the subject they had been discussing. "What's the other part?"

Roy looked at his partner and Johnny raised his head so that brown eyes met blue. "You told them . . .?" Roy nodded. Johnny sighed. "Yeah. Well, the second part is ummm…" He took another drink then slowly explained what he'd remembered and had related earlier to Roy. Once he was done, there was silence.

"wow." Chet finally said. "That is strange."

"So there's no one you can think of who might have visited you that knows this name?" Cap asked. Johnny shook his head.

"What about your aunt?" Mike asked. Johnny shrugged. "I never told it to her; she only came and visited us a few times when my folks were still alive." He gave a one shoulder shrug. "Besides, if it was her, why didn't she stay till I was awake? Or contact you guys or Jo or one of the docs to see how I was doing? Someone would've known she was here."

Four heads nodded in agreement. "It does sound strange." Cap admitted. Johnny sighed and drained his cup. "I'm gonna go check the squad." He mumbled as he stood. He rinsed his cup and left, his shoulders slumped and his movements subdued. Cap straightened. "John has the right idea. Roy, you have kitchen duty and you can tell John I assigned him to the dorm." He looked at the rest of his crew and soon each man was standing and moving.

Roy cleaned his cup then hesitated, "Cap? I think I'll . . ." he pointed toward the phone and got a firm nod.

Johnny had just replaced the batteries in the necessary gear and was shoving it back into the squad when Roy joined him. Johnny looked expectantly at him. "I called Jo." Roy told him.

"And?" That came from Chet who popped out from the back of the engine. Johnny looked at him with momentary disgust then he turned back to his partner. "She found two more gifts, small ones. They'd fallen back behind the table. One didn't have a tag."

"Did she open it?" Johnny asked. Roy smiled. "I told her to. I don't know whether she did or not. I told her you would want her too."

Johnny grinned. "I'll tell her." He replaced the last box and strode into the kitchen, not at all surprised to sense his shiftmates following him. He took the change Roy handed him with a flash of teeth and dialed the well known number and waited until there was an answer. "Hey Jo. It's me."

"Yeah. Roy told you?"

"So what does it look like?" He paused, obviously listening.

"Uh huh. Well, open it. Of course I'm sure."

Silence. Then, he sighed. "I see. Yeah. Me too. Thanks." He slowly hung up the phone and stood quietly, his eyes focused on the tops of his shoes. Finally Chet couldn't contain himself anymore and burst out with, "Geez Gage! What was it?"

Johnny startled and looked up. "Oh. It was a window ornament. Made out of glass. No other markings or anything in or on the box. It . . uhh, it was broken." The men clapped hands on Johnny's shoulders as they walked out of the room with various comments of "sorry Gage" and "That's too bad.". Roy stayed, his gaze firmly on his partner. "Johnny?"

Johnny raised his head and looked at his partner. "It was a hummingbird, Roy." Was all he said, his eyes sad.

Roy sighed. "Well. What now?"

Johnny shrugged. "I have no idea, Roy. I have no idea." The sounds of the tones broke through the mood and both men raced off to do their job, the mystery pushed aside for the time being. The remainder of the shift was typical; the squad had twice as many runs as the engine and by the time lights out was called, six weary firefighters gratefully fell into their bunks. Life was clearly back to normal at station 51.

Kent leaned against the wall, his face a picture of boredom belying the racing of his mind. From under hooded eyes he looked up and down the mingling mass of men –and a few women—(he snorted at that, women who thought they could handle the tough job of being paramedics. He knew they'd take one look at their first fire or smashed up body and run crying back home where they belonged) 'Yes, yes, no, no, no (snort) definitely not! Yes… umm maybe. No, no, no.' he silently rated his fellow testers on which ones would pass the practical exam and would now be certified paramedics and which would be rightfully dumped back on the trucks or—in the case of the women—sent back to man desks in HQ..

He stifled a yawn. He wasn't worried; he knew he'd aced the written tests Brackett had devised for him and he'd done the same on these practicals. A faint sneer turned up his lip as he remembered the stunned look in the eyes of several of his proctors over his solutions. He'd seen them huddle together after he left. He snickered as he was sure they were awed at his brilliancy. Now all he was waiting for was the official release.

His belly rumbled hungrily, 'Wonder what Tammy has planned for dinner. Maybe we'll go out to celebrate.' This idle thought came and he froze as reality blasted that pleasant thought away. He knew chances were that when he got home he'd find his wife still lying in her bed. Just like she had been ever since that . . . He clenched his teeth as his mind went back to the night of that horrible party.

There had been no talking in the taxi after Terry's initial outburst, just Terry's sniffles, Amy's foot thudding continuously on the seat-edge and Tammy's low moaning. As soon as the driver had stopped, Terry had thrown open the door and raced into the house. The boy had headed straight for his room and had only emerged from it over the subsequent two weeks to use the restroom and go to school. Amy had followed her brother into the house slowly and she, too, had become a nearly silent shadow— just following her father around whenever he was home. Kent had had to practically carry Tammy into the house. He'd undressed her and slid her into bed and other then restroom trips herself, there she had stayed. He forced her to eat when he was home and made sure she changed her sleepwear at least every other day. But her faint constant murmurs and blank stare unsettled him as well as it seemed the children and he spent most of his time at home shut up in his den.

'Good thing Mrs. Wilson from the church's ill and shut-ins committee bought my line about Tammy having pneumonia. And that they took my word that the doctor said she not have any visitors in order to keep her from being exposed to anything else while she recovers. It's kept noisy busybodies away and food on the table.' He smirked. Some of the meals had been very good. Every Monday and Thursday two women came to take away the empty dishes, fill the fridge with new delights and do light housecleaning and laundry. Other than the lump that was now his wife, life was pretty good. The kids never bugged him, he'd soon be assigned to a squad and then he'd show them all. His face took on a bitter look as his thoughts turned to the redskin prairie trash that had ruined everything. He'd show the department, Brackett and DeSoto how wrong they were to side with that skinny ass savage.

A stirring and more pronounced mutterings from the others waiting pulled Marc's attention back to his surroundings. He straightened from the wall and looked down the corridor. Brackett was standing there, talking with Battalion chiefs Hauts and Sorenson, some other guy in a suit, the EMT State boards examiner and the three paramedics who had been in charge of this class. They had their heads close enough together that only a word or two escaped but their facial expression and body language showed something big was up. Then Brackett sighed as his mouth twitched, "Well I don't like it either but we really don't have a choice. You gentlemen do what you need, I have a ER to prep."

As if signaled by his words, the PA system blared out, "Dr. Tangerine to ER STAT. Dr. Tangerine to ER STAT." Several of the re-certing paramedics froze at that. One turned to the others, his face white, "Dr. Tangerine? Isn't that the code for the hospital's disaster response team?"

"Yep." His frowning companion nodded. "Only for a big one too." The suit had now left and the three paramedics and the fire department officials called out to the waiting examinees. "May I have your attention please." Instantly everyone was quiet, their eyes on the official group. Chief Sorenson nodded, "If you would all please come back into the lecture hall, we'll explain."

Everyone filed back in and took a seat. Talk was subdued as most still had their attention on that huddled group. Papers were shared back and forth as the three instructors nodded. Then one looked up, "Ok, if I call your name go to that door with Chandler there." He proceeded to call off several names and the owners silently stood and walked to the waiting paramedic. Kent noticed most of them were first time testers. He turned his attention back front as the last of them joined the small group. "The next list meet Vander over by that door." He motioned to the opposite door and Kent noticed that the other group had already left. Soon that short list was finished and the eight people called, including three of the women, joined Vander by the door. They, too, left.

The room was eerily quiet as the remaining looked around. Most of the re-certing paramedics were in the group left, Kent noticed with a smirk. 'Those of us that passed.' He mused.

As if his thoughts were heard one of the older men spoke up, "What's going on, Jimmie? We know what that code means."

Jimmie held up his hand to hold off any other questions. "First, how many of you have your turnout gear here with you?"

Several exchanged glances and raised their hands, Kent was one, knowing his gear was in the trunk of his car where he'd put it weeks ago. Jimmie nodded, "OK. In a moment you're gonna need to get it. Now, first, congratulations, you all passed." He waited a few moments but no one said anything. He nodded to himself. "Most of you know, as you said, what that code means. We've got a city/county wide alert in process. All stations are being toned out Code Orange right now." Now there was murmuring from the gathered paramedics. Even Kent what knew that meant –an accident and a big one, with possibly several hundred people involved.

"What are we looking at?" One finally asked.

Jimmie sighed and looked at the communiqué in his hand. "Seems a 76 car train derailed right in the middle of LA County. HQ says that it was a mix of passenger cars and freight. The haz-mat team is already headed in but as far as we know, the train wasn't carrying anything too lethal. However, several of the cars jumped the tracks and have hit industrial buildings as well as warehouses and some residentials so that could change on scene." His gaze traveled around to the faces around him, noting that they looked back at him with combinations of seriousness to anxiety and every emotion in-between. "There will be a department bus waiting to load you at the Harding street entrance. It will leave promptly on the quarter hour and if you miss it, you'll have to make your own way to Incident Command. Now, you're dismissed to get your gear, those of you who have it, and to make any quick phone calls you need. Good luck." With that most of the men stood up and began filing out the door.

As Kent hurried out he heard someone ask, "What about those of us who don't have our gear with us?"

"Your station will bring all off duty personal gear and take it to IC. You can . .." The instructor's voice died out as Kent headed out into the hall. He phoned the next-door neighbor who had been keeping an eye out for the kids until he got back and made arrangements. Then he went to his car and grabbed his gear. He reached the bus just as others were loading and threw his stuff onto the pile before climbing aboard.

"Wonderful way to get these new guy's feet wet ain't it?" he heard one recert say. He settled into his seat, leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes. Like all of the experienced ones, he knew that rest would be in short commodity once they reached the site and it was wise to get what you could while you could.

"I hope they left us something for lunch." Johnny muttered as he wearily climbed into his seat in the squad. He rubbed a dirty hand over his blurry eyes and blinked out the windshield.

"Maybe. Maybe we'd be better to get something ourselves." Roy answered, his own actions showing he was just as tired as his partner. Although it was only early afternoon, they'd already had four runs, including this last one—a four car crash in a busy intersection. Other paramedics had accompanied the injured to the hospital but Roy and Johnny had spent several hours taking apart cars and extricating victims. Fortunately no one was too badly hurt but several had been firmly trapped. Roy watched his partner rotate his left arm and remembered how Johnny had been slammed, off balance, into the side of one car when the jaws of life he'd been using had slipped. "You ok there?"

Johnny gave a tired nod but didn't answer.

Roy leaned back in his seat and stretched out his own aching body before he went back to the subject at hand. "Who was cooking?"

Johnny blinked as he tried to focus on what his partner asked, "Wha… oh. Uhh, I think it was Marco." He stretched out his lean body as much as he could in the closed cab and yawned widely. "I think I saw him cataloging stuff from the fridge on a pad." He spoke through the yawn.

Roy glanced at his partner in mild irritation as he now fought the urge to yawn, induced by Johnny's. "Well, if it was Marco, we've got a half and half." He straightened in his seat and turned over the engine. He could feel Johnny's gaze on him and knew his comment was bewildering the other man. 'Wait for it…' he mused, then,

"Half and half? Whatdya mean by that?"

He tossed a grin toward his partner, noting the puzzled expression on Johnny's face as he did. "We have half a chance they saved us some food,"

"Oh," Johnny blinked and sat back but the puzzled expression didn't leave his face. Roy hid a grin as he silently counted. Johnny's head tilted to one side and his lips moved as he puzzled that statement over, then his gaze went back to Roy and he sat up straighter. Just as he knew his partner was going to speak again Roy added, "And we have half a chance it was so good that they gobbled it all down and forgot about us."

Johnny's mouth closed with another "Oh," as he sank back into the backrest with a sigh. "Yeah. You're right there." He sighed again. "So now we have another half and half."

Now it was Roy's turn to look confused. Johnny gave him a sad smile, "Do we risk that they left us something and head back? Or do we get something out here and risk missing something tasty and hot waiting for us?"

Roy gave a snort at his partner's logic. Just then Johnny's belly made loud protests over its emptiness and he smirked at the figure now slumped in the passenger seat. "From the sounds of that I think you could stand eating now AND eating any leftovers."

Johnny made a non-committal sound as Roy pulled into the nearest drive-in fastfood place. Before long, Johnny was slurping the last of his shake as Roy was finishing his burger. Roy shook his head as he looked at the rumpled wrappers in front of his partner that had once held a large double burger with everything but the kitchen sink on it, a large order of fries and a large soda. He'd had his own medium fries, large soda and double burger with pickles and ketsup and he was only just finishing the burger.

Johnny had finished the last dregs of his shake and was looking forlornly at the empty cup. Roy grinned to himself as he deadpanned, "You, uhhh, gonna just stare at that all day wishing it would refill or go get yourself another?"

Johnny looked up, "Huh? Oh. No." he sighed heavily. "I don't want another one. I just keep thinking about what Marco might have fixed."

Roy's chuckle was muffled as he popped the last of his burger into his mouth. He chewed, his face taking on a thoughtful look, "Well, if there are leftovers, you can always eat it as a snack later."

Johnny made a face as he slid the empty shake cup into the soda cup then began stuffing the empty soda cup with his wrappers. "Yeah. I guess."

Roy took a long drink and waved a few fries at his partner, "Don't forget, there's supper yet."

Johnny visibly brightened as he snagged a handful of Roy's fries, ignoring the frown the older paramedic gave him as he nodded happily."Yeah! That's right! I'm sure he'll fix something good for supper! His meals are always good." He stuffed the fries into his mouth and happily chewed. Roy moved his fries a little closer as he glared at his oblivious friend. Johnny stood up with his trash in his hands, "Uhhh, Roy? I'm gonna . . . uh dump this then go uhhh."

Roy smirked up at him as Johnny waved in the direction of the restrooms. He nodded, "Go on, you know what to do, you're a big boy now." He paused as he looked seriously at Johnny's widening eyes, "or do you need my help still?

Johnny's mouth dropped open then snapped shut as he made a face, "Ha,ha,ha. Very funny." He turned from his friend and headed toward the trash cans, muttering under his breath. Roy chuckled again and finished the rest of his meal. He dumped his trash and headed to the restroom just as Johnny came out. "Meet you in the squad?" Johnny merely nodded and headed out the door.