CHAPTER 30
-:- Enough is Enough -:-
2008 -:- Bella's Journal
I've been given a cage. Maria finds it quite humorous it's required, but unfortunately it is. Garrett's killed three prospects in the last week. Emilia has taken a liking to watching us train, which means the prospects think they can challenge me, which they can. They attack for no reason other than I live, and Garrett's been forced to defend me. Maria's tired of trying to find replacements, so while I'm not here in this cavern, I'm forced to sit inside a cage. It's not like it does anything, if they wanted to break through they could. The bars are simply a reminder "I'm hands off." It's humiliating, like I'm an exhibit in a freak show. If anything it creates a bigger target on my back. At least Garrett's pushed up the need for my fight training. We only work on the combat stuff, there's no point on the other stuff. Maria seems to know exactly what we're always up to and we haven't figured out how yet.
At least it's breaking up the doldrums of the days. Between my new combat skills and my power, I'm finally getting the hang of this vampire thing. As long as Emilia isn't around I can hold my own. The devil child hates me, and I understand why. It's my fault she is what she is. I'm sure it doesn't help that Maria poisons her with lies. She needs Emilia to hate me, it's the only way to keep me in line.
Isaac tells me there is a vamp close to Maria who 'hears' things. He thinks this is how she knows what Garrett and I have been up to. He's a little man, Isaac says, like him but not dark-skinned. Maria was going to destroy him, but he heard her plans and tried to escape. Hope got the better of me and even though the description of the man made it impossible to believe, I still had to ask if he could read minds. Isaac says no, he 'listens' whatever that means. It's hard to get anything straight from him, he talks in riddles. I need to find out more about this vampire and what he means to Maria and what it means for me and Garrett.
.
I went on a raid. Maria wanted me to experience one. I was apprehensive about the idea of leaving Garrett behind, but I had no choice. She knew we'd try to run as soon as we got to the surface. She also knew I wouldn't leave without him. Wherever he is…is where I need to be. He stayed and I went, along with Emilia and a number of Maria's followers.
We ran through the night, under the cover of darkness, but I could still see what the world had become. It was cold, not like it should have been this far south. As far as I knew, we were still in Texas, or what was left of it anyway. I didn't know what month it was, but everywhere I looked it was grey. There was snow on the ground, or least what I thought was snow. It wasn't white, but it was cold and it crunched underneath my bare feet like snow. I wasn't sure what was more disturbing, the color of the it or the fact that there was snow in a place there never should have been. The air was crisp and cool, but stale. There was an acrid tang to it, but anything was better than what I'd been smelling for all of this time.
We ran for a few hours, and there were fights and a few tussles along the way. Maria didn't seem to care about the fighting, she only laughed at the dropping numbers, happy to be rid of the weak ones. By the time we came upon a settlement just after midnight, our numbers had halved.
A perimeter was built around the settlement with signs posted every few feet warning visitors away. They claimed they would 'shoot first and ask questions later' if anyone looked suspicious. I wonder if everyone in this new world automatically looked suspicious and how did they distinguish the difference. I feel like I'm forgetting what the world used to be like. I still want to believe Charlie is at home, sitting in his chair, watching a basketball game. I can't picture him in this world, or any of the people from Forks. In the caves, I can suspend the belief, but up here it's impossible. Is it like this for them as well? This is all that comes to mind.
From our vantage point we could see guards on duty near the gate. They couldn't see us, but we could see the guns they carried, not that it would make any difference what they were carrying. The wind carried the death and decay in the air. This settlement was afflicted with some kind of disease. It could be anything, really, but I assumed it was the same as what some of the humans contracted in the pits. Dysentery, cholera, influenza…the world's slipped so far back to a time even before you.
Maria made it clear she didn't want to bring back any of the sick and risk infecting our food source or the others she still wanted to test. She's been rationing the humans, like one would grain. Starving her workers or making them share. I wonder how far she will go to protect her food source. There were rumors she was taking more women than the men from the settlements. I shuddered, imagining what she was capable of trying to maintain it. I couldn't take part in this. She could drag me with her, but I wouldn't participate.
"Phoenix!" she called me forward and I saw the little vampire beside her. He was Isaac's height, and I hadn't noticed him until now. He was somewhat non-descript and I could see why Garrett and I had never noticed him before. He seemed to blend into the background even despite his size. He was quiet with a pensive look on his face, like he was 'listening' which I suppose that's what he was doing. His hands moved quickly, making gestures, and Maria's smile grew.
"Perfect," she said to him, and then turned her attention back to me. "I want you to approach the gate with Emilia in your arms." She was stroking the child's long blonde hair, wrapping her fingers in the curls. "You'll play the part. Lost mother with a child and you will convince them to let you in. Only the guards and a few others are awake, it should be easy, no questions. And when the gates open 'll turn them loose." She swept her arm over the dozen or so vampires behind her, aching for blood.
"Who is that?" I pointed to the little man next to her.
She looked surprised for a moment than grabbed his arm pushing him forward. "Phoenix? You've never met Thomas?" She knew I hadn't, there wasn't anything she didn't know. "I believe he's met you. Or it would seem that way, wouldn't it, Thomas?" She caressed his cheek and brought her mouth to his ear. She stuck out her tongue and licked along the outer rim. She started to laugh again. "He knows all of your secrets, don't you, Thomas?"
He didn't smile, in fact he was expressionless, like he was in a trance of some sort. I suppose being that close to Maria would cause anyone to shut down.
"It's a shame he's a mute. He has no tongue!" She forced open his mouth so I could see where someone must have cut out his tongue while he was still human. "They did this to him. Those people in that settlement! He was caught stealing food for his people across the way." She pointed to the horizon. "They took his tongue and fed it to him." She was glaring at me down the length of her nose. "Still think humans have souls? That they are worthy of saving?"
My stomach was sick. I had no way of knowing if she was telling me the truth. It was too horrific to think it was, but the way Thomas was standing, listening to the exchange with nothing not even hatred in his eyes made me almost believe it was.
"What can he do?"
"He can hear things at great distances. Through cavern walls deep underground." She was glaring at me, smirking and then it became clear. Thomas was the spy. He heard everything Garrett and I had ever talked about. This was how Maria was one step ahead of us. The rage inside of me started to boil. My only thought was Thomas needed to be destroyed which was a new feeling for me. I'd only felt this about Maria before, never anyone else, and it frightened me a little.
"You don't need me for this," I said. "You don't need the ruse, just rip down the gate."
"Now where would be the fun in that? How would I get to see how pathetic and trusting these humans are? I want to see the betrayal cross their faces when we storm through the gates. Besides, we have to keep our secret don't we?" She was mocking me now, laughing at my expense. "We can't very well rip gates off hinges, how would that be humanly possible?" The other vampires laughed with her. "You'll carry this 'sick, crying' child and you'll beg them for their help."
"No."
"You know how I feel about that word coming from you. You'll do it or I'll slaughter every one of them inside and turn every one of their children to be like her." Emilia's red eyes glared back and me, and I let out an involuntary shudder.
"You can't keep threatening me like this."
"Fine," she said and waved her hand. "I'm tired of arguing with you. Do it and I'll only take the strongest of men and women. I'll spare the children, along with the old and the sick."
I had no doubt she would follow through with her threats if I defied her. My only hope was that she'd do what she said and spare the children. But hope is cruel and untrusting.
I did what she asked. I played the part and I tricked the sentries to open the gate. Emilia and I were admitted inside, and before the gates could be closed again, Maria and a few of her vampires slipped inside. I thought it was going to be a true raid, one filled with smoke and flames and screams that would pierce the night air. I was hoping there would be chaos, enough so that I might see what Thomas was made of. I couldn't have him around, it was as simple as that. But I shouldn't have been surprised by Maria, she never did what I thought. They had slipped in unnoticed and were lurking in the shadows. She would take what she needed while everyone slept. She was clever to keep the mystery, nothing more than ghost stories people could share around a campfire at night.
From the corner of my eye I watched Thomas slink away from the others. Emilia was still in my arms, with her eyes closed like she was sleeping. I passed her to the human, begging him to take her, telling him I couldn't carry her anymore. I'd lost track of Maria and the others, Emilia and I were the distraction while they went to work, and now my only thought was of Thomas. I asked the man where I could relieve myself and he pointed to a row of outhouses along the back of the gated perimeter. He handed me a torch so I could find my way and told me he'd take the little one to the makeshift hospital they had.
I headed in the direction he pointed and then deviated to where I saw Thomas go, following him along the opposite side of where the outhouses were. I found him on his knees in front of a large flat stone, with carvings, and when I took a closer look I realized it was covered in names. His fingers traced the edges of a woman's name. I hadn't surprised him, he heard me coming obviously, and when he stood to look at me, his face was expressionless once again.
I asked him who she was, while I pushed the end of the torch into the dirt. He did nothing that would indicate he understood me. Instead, he bent to his knees again, and started playing with the dirt. He made swift movements and then stood up again. I leaned over to get a closer look and written in the dirt were two words. "Kill me."
"I can't do that." He nodded his head vigorously and it was the first time I saw any emotion from him. "I can't." He nodded again and pointed to me and then to the dirt. His eyes shifted to the flat stone for a brief moment, but I saw it. I didn't know his story, and I didn't have time to hear it. They would be looking for us soon. I would like to think this woman was his wife or maybe even his daughter and he no longer wished to live in this wretched world without her. The truth was, I didn't want to know his story and I never would. I understood why he was asking me to kill him. Maria would always use him as her pawn just as she uses me. I would want someone to end my life as well, but the difference between me and Thomas was that I still had a purpose on this earth and I wouldn't give up until I was finished. Once I killed Maria, I wouldn't care what happened to me.
He pointed one last time at the dirt and then he raised his arms out to the side waiting for me, his face was nothing less than stoic. There was no time for thinking, I could hear the screams begin from the town's people being woken in the dead of night. I stepped forward placing my hands on either side of his head. Everything I was feeling was gone—all emotions were pushed aside. I took a deep breath, because that seemed like the right thing to do and I pressed my palms firmly to his ears and I twisted. It sounded like a tree trunk splitting in two as his head came away from the rest of his body. I dropped it as he slumped to the ground. He was the first vampire I killed. I felt nothing. There was no remorse, and it terrified me.
"Burn him." I heard her voice behind me. I should've known she wouldn't be far. Picking up the torch, I did what she said and dropped it on his body and watched as the flames took hold. I didn't turn around, I didn't need to. I knew I would pay for this.
"So, it seems you are capable of killing," she said. "He was useful to me. Problematic for you, I suppose." Maria's indifference made me realize she didn't care about any of us. We were all expendable no matter how useful we were. I would do better to remember that.
"That's your freebie," she said. Then I felt two sets of hands grab me around my arms to drag me away.
The people of the settlement paid for my defiance.
She took the strong, along with their children. She left the old and the dying, and the people who couldn't fend for themselves. This settlement and everyone in it was as good as dead, and I'd help kill them all.
.
I don't want to write anymore. The things I've seen and been forced to do since that first raid are not something I ever wish to relive, so I won't put it to paper. I've given up writing in here, but Garrett tries his best to encourage me. I asked him again why he's so adamant I continue. The last time I'd asked him this, he told me it was so I didn't forget, which now I wish I could. So this time, he just looked at me with a grave expression and simply said, "To exist."
And I get it. I'm going to die down here, and maybe Garrett knows this. I'm not leaving until I kill her or she kills me. That's just how it's going to be. There's nothing for me up above, this is all there is. I'm responsible for Emilia, she is my burden, my penance, and I won't leave until I've resolved what I've done.
I'm no longer the girl you knew. Even if you thought you loved me back then, that girl is gone. She's dead. If this journal ever lands in your hands, I hope you can learn from it and protect yourselves from what's coming. I have only one wish, and if you ever had any feelings for me at all you'll grant me this one last thing. If my father is alive…if he survived and still breathes, find him before Maria does. I have no doubt of Maria's intentions. She'll spread her evil and take advantage of the world being in chaos. Promise me, Edward, if Charlie is alive, I beg you to do whatever it takes so he'll never have to know this life. I'd rather my father was dead than know this exists. That we exist.
2016 -:- Present Day
It was awkward at first … after. I was insecure, but luckily she was too. It took us some time before either of us spoke, almost to the point where I thought we would never speak again. Instead, we lay on our backs watching the stars, and I was desperate to know what was going through her head. All my doubts and fears returned, and I couldn't bring myself to do or say anything. It was Bella who rolled over and placed her hand on my cheek. She was the one who kissed me and laid her body on top of mine. We still hadn't spoken, but for some reason words were not needed just yet.
It was late into the night when we eventually broke our silence. I was lying with my head resting on my hand and the other hand was busy trailing my fingers over her stomach. Bella was talking about food for some reason, reminiscing about what she missed. I never wanted to leave this place. Here, I felt invincible, like I could protect her from anything and she would let me. She was vulnerable in my arms, and although I loved the strong woman she had become, here I felt like she needed me more than I needed her. It did my heart good to see her smiling and laughing again. She was broken and scarred, we both were, but there was something about this place that let us be ourselves. There were no judgments being passed here, and no room for ruminating. We'd made it through our dark days, and our world would come crashing down soon enough, so for now it was our time for celebration.
"Is there anything else you miss?" I wanted to catch up on everything about her. There were so many little things I longed to know, I felt like we should be playing 'twenty questions' all over again.
"I never thought I'd say this, but I wish we could sleep," Bella said. "That's about the only thing I've ever really missed. Just to be able to shut down for a little bit."
"Really? That's what you miss?" My hand stopped tracing circles over her skin. I placed my hand flat on her stomach, briefly wondering if there was something else she missed or regretted. I glanced at her belly and wondered if she'd ever thought about being a mother. "I never would've thought that would be what you missed."
She looked from my hand to my eyes. "No," she whispered. "Never." I nodded, understanding and frowned at her loss. She turned to her side and put her hand over mine. "Not in this world."
I smiled despite the pain I was feeling for her. That was the part of her life I'd hoped she would have. My leaving was supposed to give her that, but it was stolen from her. I saw her head shake ever so slightly, silently pleading to let it go. We stayed like that for a few breaths, just staring into each other's eyes, and then I gave in. I let her reminisce about the nights in her bedroom instead.
"I can't remember what it's like to wake up in your arms. It's one of those human memories that's a little fuzzy. I remember it happening, just not what it felt like."
"I think those nights benefited me more than they did you. My skin wasn't exactly the softest or warmest place to rest your head. I will miss your talking though."
"Don't remind me."
"The only insight I had into what you were thinking." I gently tapped her temple and smiled again as I bent to kiss her. "I feel like I could sleep for a year. You've exhausted me." I flopped back down beside her in the grass looking up at the starry sky. The clouds had moved on and for once luck was on our side and it hadn't rained.
"Me? You're the one with a hundred years of pent up frustration," she said laughing, and rolled over throwing her arm around me. She wriggled her eyebrows suggestively.
It was late into the night and we had definitely made up for the missing ten years. I really was exhausted and actually hungry, truly hungry. It was like all this time I had never really been satiated, and now I needed to feed my body in more than just one way. "I need to hunt." I groaned, not really wanting to move.
"You're going to have to give me your shirt since you've ruined mine. I'm not about to go running through these woods naked."
I thought about that image for a moment…
"Stop." She slapped me on the chest.
"Fine, you can have my shirt," I said, smiling that she knew what I'd been thinking. "Maybe you could leave the pants here?"
She rolled over so she was sitting on top of me. All I could do was grunt as she dug her hands into my chest. I raised my hands in defeat, giving into her.
"You can't keep up with me."
I thought about a witty response, but all that came out was one simple word. "No."
She smiled down at me, leaning in to kiss me, and at the last moment she turned her head to the side and mumbled something against my neck.
"Hmm?" I asked, my eyelids half closing. She raised her head to meet my eyes.
"Was it … you know …"
I could have sworn I saw her blush and felt the heat rising on her cheeks, which I knew was impossible, but the unabashed Bella from earlier was gone. I answered again with one simple word. "More." I rolled over, carrying her with me until I had her pinned underneath me with her hands above her head. "So much more," I whispered. "I always knew it would be."
She didn't like the sudden movement, I saw the brief glimpse of panic in her eyes while I held her down. She asserted herself, and quickly turned us over so we were on our sides. I should've known better, and I was about to apologize, but then the moment passed and she was smiling again. Time…Carlisle's words echoed in my head.
She took her hand and ran it through my hair gripping it in her fingers. "No matter what's happened or what's going to happen, it will always be you, Edward."
"So … it was…" I raised my eyebrows in question, unable to finish the sentence.
"Yes," she whispered, resting her head against my shoulder and I felt her breath on my neck. She inhaled deeply which caused me to chuckle.
"You're smelling me again."
"I am not."
"It's okay," I said, wrapping my arm around her, grabbing a fistful of hair, and breathing in her different, yet, familiar scent. "I missed this, too."
"Come on, let's get you fed." She reached for my shirt, throwing it over her head as she jumped up to get her surroundings. I slowly followed, feeling like I was the one who'd fallen off a cliff rather than Emmett. I was a new man, in more ways than just the obvious. The guilt was gone. I really was free. She'd forgiven me, even though she said there was nothing to forgive, but now I believed her.
"Edward?"
The alarm in her voice got me moving quicker. I was at her side, instinct pushing her behind me, and looked to where she was pointing. She mocked me and my protectiveness, moving out from behind body. In the middle of the meadow was a duffel bag. I rolled my eyes, while I put on my jeans.
"What is it?" she asked.
"What do you think?" I walked toward it, and bent down to open it. Inside was a change of clothes for both of us and a large striped, wool blanket with a note attached.
"Alice."
"Of course," I said, handing her the note.
She opened it and read it aloud. "Make good use of it. Love, Jasper and Alice." She dropped her hand and shook her head. "We really can't get away from them, can we?"
"Never."
"Well, here's that blanket you wanted." She spread it out on the ground and stood in the middle of it. She held the hem of my shirt that was resting mid-thigh in her fingers, and slowly started to raise it up, taunting me with the smoothness of her skin. "You sure you want to hunt?"
I quickly shed my pants and tackled her to the blanket … that other hunger would have to wait.
.
"WHERE'S YOUR HEAD AT?" she said, breaking the silence of the early morning.
"You mean, now that you've had your way with me?" I said with one eye open and a smirk.
She nudged me with her elbow. "You know what I mean."
"I have no words. It's just a mess of thoughts up here." I tapped my head.
"Give me something, anything."
"Oh, look who wants to talk now." She rolled her eyes at me and tried to push away from me, but I held her firmly in my arms. I'd found my favorite spot on her again, and my fingers starting tracing lines near her navel. "I'm wondering why you've forgiven me," I said.
She hadn't been expecting that, I felt her stomach muscles tense underneath my hand. "Forgive you?"
"Yes, forgive me." I laid down on my back looking up at the sky again and to the fading stars.
"Edward, is that what you think?" She moved so she was right in my eye line. "It's not about forgiveness, it never was. Sure, maybe at one point I possibly wanted to hurt you like you'd hurt me," she laughed, "but that was a long time ago. Where I was, what I went through was not your fault."
"A part of it was."
"Stop it."
"Bella," I reached for her hand and brought it to my lips, "I'm going to give you Maria. I want to be the one to give you that peace. I won't rest until I do. Even if we fail as a whole, I won't fail in that. This is my promise to you."
"I don't want your promise," she said, pushing away from me, and this time I let her go.
"You can't tell me otherwise."
"Then you'll die trying. Is that what you want?"
"For you, yes."
"I don't want a martyr."
"Neither do I."
"Edward, you don't underst—"
"I do understand. I know you and I know you're still thinking of how you can offer yourself up to her for a chance at her. It's written everywhere in your journal, and I can't imagine you've changed in that decision. I know you think it has to be you. You feel responsible, well so do I." She was sitting with her back to me, and I reached out to caress her, but she flinched away from my touch. "Promise me," I said. "Promise we do this together. I have no right, I know, but I'm asking anyway. Don't take this away from me." I moved to sit up, angling my body around hers, but still giving her the space she needed. "I can't stop you from leaving, and I won't stop you, but I'm asking you not to. We're stronger together." I cleared my throat and waited, and the sounds of the early dawn filled the silence until eventually I whispered, "After this, there's no going back for me. You may not want to hear this, but you're mine, Bella, and where you go, I go, even if you turn me away."
She didn't react to my words, instead she sat still, thinking and this was the one time I was glad I wasn't able to read her thoughts. I couldn't bear to hear the rejection if that's what it was. Eventually she turned her head slightly so she could see me out of the corner of her eye.
"Do you know how hard it was for me to leave?" she whispered, her back was stiff and she looked like she was ready to take off for the trees. "I'm the one who made Emilia what she is and all the other children."
"No, you didn't. Maria turned them."
"It might as well have been me. It wasn't my venom, but Emilia's what she is because of me. It does have to be me. I'm responsible." She paused for a moment and picked at the brown grass on the blanket. "I would've stayed, but she was going to kill him. If Jasper would've listened and gone on his own, I never would have left." She put her head down in her hands. "I'd still be down there."
My heart broke for her all over again. I put my arms around her and pulled her closer to me and she let me, relaxing into my chest. She reached her hand up, grabbing the backside of my neck and squeezed hard, holding on to it for a minute as though she was weighing a difficult decision.
"I never would have had this," she said under her breath. "I never would have known you. And I've wanted to know you, what feels like my whole life. You can't understand how this all feels to me. I've lived the last ten years in hell thinking how I felt about you was a lie, that I'd dreamt it up. If I'd stayed, I'd still be living that lie." She released her grip and turned in one swift movement. She pushed us back onto the blanket and moved so she was hovering over me. Her body lay along the length of mine and her eyes were wide. She was searching for something and we stared at each other while she sought out whatever she was looking for. After some time, she seemed satisfied enough and then whispered, "Always you." She pushed herself against me, and it was an involuntary groan that left my lips. "It's not about my forgiveness, Edward. We make decisions and sometimes they're the wrong ones, but they're ours to make. I never needed to forgive you, you needed to forgive yourself. Just as I'll have to do the same for the things I've done." She traced my lips with her fingers. "Please understand I can't make that promise to you. I don't know what's going to happen, I may have to leave." She placed one finger over my mouth as though she expected me to protest. "What I can promise is that I'll never turn you away. I'm yours, you're mine. I know this now. If it's marriage—if that's what you want, I'll marry you, Edward. Can you at least accept that?" She pushed herself against me and my eyes rolled back in my head. She had me at her mercy again and she knew it. She held the cards, she always had.
"Yes," I breathed out, agreeing with her. And not because of what was about to happen again, but because I knew this was as good as I would get from Bella. I would let her make her own decisions. I never could control her and that was the mistake I had made all those years ago thinking I could. I'd played my hand and now she was trumping mine. She was a stronger player than me. She always was.
"Hunting will have to wait some more."
.
WE SPENT THE NEXT two days alone in our meadow, just us, catching up on lost years. We didn't run into any of the wolves—I wondered if Jacob had commanded the others to stay away from this general area—but more importantly, we didn't run into any of the family. It was peaceful. Only the two of us, relaxed and at ease with one another. Toward the end of the second day, we started getting restless. We knew this was a false sense of peace. There was so much to do and get ready for, our precious time alone had to come to an end. It was time to go back and face the future that was waiting for us.
We were hand in hand, walking back to the house when Bella's hand gripped mine, squeezing it firmly.
"I smell human blood," she said, stopping at the edge of the creek. I smelled it too, and tuned into the minds in the house. It was late, well past midnight, there was no way any of the people from the compound would still be at the house. It was the reason we decided to come back at this late hour, but we had been wrong. Seth and Charlie were inside. I saw from Carlisle's mind that Charlie was there for one purpose: answers. He wasn't leaving until he got them. They'd been sitting there for hours waiting for my return. Charlie wouldn't let anyone leave the house, afraid they were going to warn me away. He was suspicious of my whereabouts, and what I'd been doing since Jasper's return. Having known my intentions and thoughts of self-destruction before I left, a small part of him even wondered if I was alive and my family was keeping my death from him.
Regretfully, I knew our 'honeymoon,' so to speak, was officially over. We'd temporarily forgotten about our responsibilities. Reality was back, and time was up with Charlie. For a brief moment, I was afraid he might have known what I'd been doing with his daughter for the last two days, but that idea was absurd and I quickly shook it off, laughing a little.
"What? Who's in there?"
"It's your father."
"Charlie's here!"
"Yeah," I chuckled and ran my fingers through my hair.
"What does he want?"
I turned her to face me and held her hands, giving her an earnest look. "He wants me to answer for violating his daughter these past few days. He has a shotgun and everything." Her eyes went wide and I started to laugh.
"This isn't funny."
"The look on your face is."
She folded her arms waiting for me to stop laughing at her expense. "What does he really want?"
"Answers. Looks like he's not leaving until he gets them."
"You know where I stand on that."
"I understand why you don't want to see him, I do. But I also know that some of the things you wrote in that journal you didn't mean." Her head was down so I couldn't see her face, so I lifted her chin. "Don't you want to see him?"
"It's better if I don't."
"He's never forgotten you. I don't think there's a day that goes by he doesn't think of you."
"It's better he thinks I'm dead."
"All those years, didn't you wonder if he survived?"
"Edward …"
"Okay," I said, relenting to her decision and bent to give her a kiss. "They're waiting for me."
The wind shifted and the scent of wolf filled both our noses. Jacob was at the forest edge. He and Charlie had been fighting earlier, which is what prompted the visit to the house. Charlie was asking things which Jacob refused to answer. He was sorry it had come to this, Jacob was only trying to protect Charlie and Bella, but things back at the compound had gotten out of hand. So much so, Jacob ended up confessing to Leah what he and the others were. It was a mess and he'd left her with Emily and Sam hoping they could reason with her. She was well beyond listening to Jacob and his lies he had been keeping all of these years.
Bella and I met him at the back of the house. It was a simple greeting, one filled with contempt but mutual understanding.
"He's not going to drop it," Jacob said.
"Yeah, I figured as much from the hostage situation inside."
"I tried," he said looking at me, "but he's known we've been lying to him. Even with Carlisle and Esme visiting yesterday, he wouldn't believe them when they said you were fine. 'Resting,' they'd told him, but he didn't buy it. He thinks it's an excuse for hiding something else. He wanted to come see for himself and asked Leah to come with him, which led to a fight between us. It just kind of escalated from there. He was testing us, trying to see if we'd give him some answers." He was whispering so Bella knew what was happening, but in his head he was blaming me. You should've come. This all could've been avoided. He glanced down at the duffel bag I was carrying and then at our joined hands. Instead, you were rutting around, only thinking of yourself.
Even with the strides we'd made a few days ago with the wolves, I realized Jacob's attitude toward me was never going to change. We were destined to be rivals, I supposed. It was funny how his condescension would have bothered me only days ago. The two of us were always at odds, but tonight wasn't going to be ruined by him. To end these last few days with Bella agreeing to marry me, nothing could taint how I was feeling. So instead, I lifted Bella's hand and kissed the back of it, giving him a flippant look as if to say, 'What's your point?'
Bella looked at me curiously, then saw Jake trembling with anger. She moved to stand between us. "Stop it. Both of you. I don't know what this is about, but get over yourselves."
Jacob was glaring at me over the top of her head. He was just angry in general, and up until a few days ago, I had been too.
"What does he know, or suspect?" I asked, choosing to be the bigger man.
"Not sure what's going through his head. Thought that was your department."
"Charlie's … er … difficult."
"What do you mean?" Bella asked.
"He's pretty selective in his head. It's somewhat like yours, but not. When he's not concentrating on it, I can read his thoughts, but he can choose to keep me out if he wants to."
"Wait. You can't read her thoughts?" Jacob asked.
"No."
"Why's that?"
"We're not sure, but I've never been able to. With Charlie, it's like it's muddled. It's not always clear. And he knows how to avoid me from listening in."
The corners of Bella's mouth turned up slightly. She knew we had told Charlie about my talent and Alice's long ago, but I'd forgotten to mention Charlie's part in it. She was pleased to hear her 'gift' was a family trait.
"Well, then what's Seth thinking?" Jacob asked.
"He's hungry."
Jacob laughed despite his annoyance. "He's always hungry."
"He doesn't really care what happens either way. He went with Charlie to keep him company. Now he's wishing he'd stayed behind. Seth stopped guessing long ago, figuring we'd tell him when the time was right."
"That's not the tune he was singing to Sam only hours ago. He knows about us, well at least he guessed it, even though Sam denied it. Not sure if Seth's said anything to Charlie about it or about your kind."
"What do you want me to do, Jacob?" I asked.
"I know if Charlie sees me within twenty feet of this house, he'll probably shoot me, that's how angry he is with me right now."
"Well, no point in delaying it any further. I'll see where his head is at."
"You can't tell him," Bella said to me.
"About you?" Jacob said to her. "No, we're in agreement on that one. But this other stuff? I'm not sure we have a choice anymore."
"I'll do what I can." Bella frowned as I kissed her forehead. I asked her to wait with Jacob and I knew they'd be listening in. I only hoped I could diffuse the situation some, but Charlie was tired of all the lies. It would be a hard sell.
My family heard me approaching, unbeknownst to Charlie and Seth. The fact that I was about to speak to Bella's father after what had just transpired between the two of us hours ago was not lost on Emmett or Jasper. They were laughing at me in their heads and making derogatory comments which I tried my best to ignore.
I opened the front door, quietly shutting it behind me. I could see the glow from the candles in the living room and greeted everyone from the hall.
"Is that Charlie's truck out there?" I walked into the living room, pretending to be surprised by the sight of them. "It's good to see you," I said, and then added, "but what are you doing here so late? Has something happened?"
Seth stood up, greeting me. If you can hear me, drop the act. He knows, he said silently, smiling and shaking my hand. "Glad you're back, Edward. Feels much longer than a couple of weeks."
Charlie didn't move from his chair. He wasn't even looking at me, he continued to watch Carlisle, but I saw the pocketknife resting on his knee under his hand.
"Charlie?" I asked.
Finally he looked up at me, and he let me see what his intentions were. Seth had shared the legends with him. He knew, or suspected.
I sighed, closing my eyes and held out the palm of my hand for him. There were silent protests from my family, but I held firm. He opened the penknife and his hand was steady as it hovered over my palm. I nodded at him, giving him permission. He tried to sink the blade into me, but it did nothing against my skin. Seth gasped, but Charlie looked at the blade as though there was something wrong with it. Maybe it was dull, he thought. He held it toward his palm and went to cut into his own skin, when Carlisle calmly said, "I don't think you want to do that."
Charlie snapped out of his daze, looking up to me and then over to Carlisle. We were all practiced when it came to being around human blood, even Jasper, but there was no point in tempting fate, especially while Bella was just out back.
"You going to explain what this is?" The blade still rested against his palm, like he was threatening us.
"There's no going back from this," Alice said from the corner of the room. Out of anyone, she held a soft spot in Charlie's heart. She was afraid that might change once he knew the truth. "You're not going to like what you hear."
"Probably not," he said, looking at her with a grim smile. "But all I know is there's this crazy talk of wolves and demons and I'm not buying it. I want to hear what this is from your mouths. I've got young kids in the compound running fevers of a hundred and ten degrees, and should be dead, but then days go by and they're right as rain and doing things that shouldn't be possible. Ten years went by—ten years that should have been harsh on all of you, but it's like you haven't aged a day. You've refused every one of our invitations when there's sun, and you all have the same looking eyes when none of you are kin. Seth tells me some crazy story he grew up hearing, about you and Jake's great-grandfather when none of you should've been born. None of this is possible, but yet, somehow I'm starting to believe it is." Silence passed around the room and then he added, "I think I deserve some truths."
There was no going back now, and I could see from Jacob's head, Bella was on edge. She knew we wouldn't tell him about her, but I imagined it was hard having her father separated from her by only wood and brick and a few sheets of plaster. I'm sure she wanted to see him with her own eyes despite what her head was telling her.
"Where do you want us to start?" Carlisle spoke up.
"Is it true? What Seth said? About the blood?"
"Yes."
Charlie's face went pale, and everyone in the room heard the pace of his heart quicken. Jasper tried his best, but even he could do nothing to slow the beats.
"But you're different."
"Yes."
"How different?"
Carlisle leaned forward. "For one, you're right about our eyes. It distinguishes us from others of our kind."
"So, there really is a treaty."
"Some of us were there with Ephraim Black." Carlisle glanced my way and Charlie caught the look. He stood up taking a deep breath. He held it for a few seconds, his chest puffed up, and his lips were hidden by his moustache.
"You realize how crazy this sounds," he finally said, sweeping his arm at all of us. He started chuckling. "If I hadn't lived through a nuclear war, I'd have laughed this off and tested everyone for drugs. Maybe none of this is real. Not these past ten years. Not the idea of demons or Jake and his band of furry men. None of it! Next you'll be telling me my wife's a witch and my daughter's an angel with healing skills. This is absurd." He was referring to Leah, but I wanted to tell him his daughter was an angel, my angel, but I kept quiet waiting for him to continue.
"So what are you? What does it mean … Cold One?"
"Charlie," Rosalie said softly, tucked inside Emmett's arms. "You know what it means."
Charlie was nodding his head staring at the center of the room at nothing. "I know what I think, and I think it's all nightmares and fairy-tales. Rosalie, you've been teaching the children, Carlisle tends the sick. You all help where you can. You're not demons. But when it comes down to it how can I possibly trust the word … vampire?"
Seth shifted uncomfortably in his seat, while the rest of us hadn't moved a muscle. The word was out there now. There was no turning back.
"How long? How long have you been like this?" Charlie asked.
"A long time. For all of us."
"Did Bella know?" He turned to me, his expression was pained.
"Yes."
He swayed on his feet. "I need to sit down." He rested with his head between his knees. "How does it work?"
I was still standing, staring down at the top of his head, while he was bent over trying to get a handle on things. "We never age. We never get sick. We essentially become immortal, minus the fangs. In exchange, everything that was once human is gone. We need blood to sustain ourselves, but my family and I choose to survive on animal blood." I tried to keep the explanation short and to the point.
"So, what you're telling me is not all of you abide by your … choices."
"Not at all. Our family and Eleazar's family are almost the exception."
"Are there many?"
I was impressed that he was asking the right questions. None of us were going to lie to him, but we weren't going to offer unnecessary information.
"More than you'd think."
He finally raised his head and he had some color back in his cheeks. His heart was beating regularly again. His attentions turned to Jasper who was trying to keep Charlie's emotions in check. "When Jasper left, what did he find in the South?" His eyes went back to Carlisle. "You said a war was brewing. This isn't any old war, is it?"
"I'm afraid it isn't, my friend," Carlisle said sadly. "We've kept our secret from humans for thousands of years, but things are about to change."
Jasper did his best to sum up what he'd found and where he was, leaving out the one tiny detail of Charlie's daughter being held captive for all those years. Instead, he talked of Garrett and his time in the caves and their escape. Again, Charlie was sensible, must have been the cop in him, and asked the pertinent questions, including the real story behind Jasper's scar below his eye.
Dawn was approaching, and Seth yawned loudly. He'd sat quietly listening this entire time, afraid if he'd said something, Charlie would take notice of him and somehow kick him out of the room. He was patient, but at the same time in awe of everything he was hearing. He cleared his throat as he stretched out his long legs. "So, why didn't I turn?" he asked, a little disappointed.
"I'm not really sure, Seth," Carlisle said. "I don't know a lot about the genetics of your people. Billy and Sam seem to think the gene kicks in when our kind is around. It's a defense mechanism to protect your people. We weren't here when you came of age."
"Will he turn now?" Charlie asked.
"We don't think so," Carlisle said.
Seth cursed in his head, and his face showed his disappointment.
"Dude, you don't want to stink like those wolves," Emmett said, trying to make him feel better. "Seriously."
"But how am I supposed to fight when it comes to that?" Seth asked.
"You won't," I said. And Charlie and Seth started to protest and I continued before they could say anything else. "We're not going to let them make it up here."
Charlie started to chuckle. "Edward, I don't get any of this, at all. I've no idea what abilities you all have, but clarify something for me. These vampires can do what you can do, right?" I nodded. "Well, seven of you? Seems a little unrealistic, don't it?"
"We're looking for more of us who are sympathetic to the old ways," Carlisle said. "Eleazar and his family are out searching now."
"That's still not enough, though. Right?"
The room fell silent. No one wanted to admit he was right in his assumptions. This was a fight we weren't going to win. Charlie knew it, too.
"You're going to need all the help you can get," he said.
"Out of the question, Charlie," I said. "It doesn't work like that. As a human you won't stand a chance. You're right. We have abilities. Speed, strength and skin that is impenetrable. There's nothing that a human can do to kill one of our kind."
"How do you kill one of your kind?" he asked.
"We rip 'em apart, and burn the pieces," Emmett piped up. "It's the only way to be sure."
"So fire …" Charlie said, "… that's a weakness."
"Charlie," Carlisle said leaning forward on his knees, "I can't tell you what it means to me and my family that you want to help. We've waited decades to be accepted the way you've accepted us into your lives, but this is our fight, not yours."
"They're hunting humans, right? Then it's our fight. What you're planning to do is suicide, and when you fail they'll eventually find their way north. Then what?"
"It's not suicide," Alice said. "We've got a plan."
I saw images in Alice's head. I couldn't distinguish if it was a vision or just Alice imagining scenarios. It felt different, but whatever it was, I didn't like what she was thinking. I turned my head to look at her, and she was staring right back at me.
"Alice," I said, "don't." She was thinking about Bella standing outside the house, listening.
Relax, I'm not going to tell him about Bella. But he should know more.
"What kind of plan?" Charlie asked.
"We have a weapon," she said.
"Alice," Esme scolded her.
"Is someone going to tell me what she's talking about?"
"There are some of us with talents like Alice, Jasper and Edward. Greater talents than theirs," Carlisle said, wanting to clarify. "We're hoping to find others with these gifts. We think they will help."
I gave Alice one last unforgiving look to keep her mouth shut. She was not going to interfere in this. A small part of me wondered if Bella was still standing outside with Jake, but his thoughts confirmed she was there and I relaxed my shoulders.
"So, is it a bite?" Charlie asked. "That's what makes someone like you?"
"It's the venom," Carlisle said. "A simple bite to turn, but the process is excruciating and not everyone survives. It's not an easy thing."
"If Bella knew—did she—" He was having a hard time saying the words. "Did she want to be like you?"
I sat down on the chair opposite him, lowering my head and whispered, "Yes."
"Then, what really happened to my daughter? You're not telling me something."
"Charlie, Bella wanted to be like me, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't do that to her. I loved her too much to damn her to this life. That was why I made my family leave Forks. I wanted her to have a good life."
"But, when you came back, you said you were going to find her." His eyes were sad and ghosted with pain. "You were going to save her, weren't you? You were going to change her so she could survive?"
I simply nodded my head again, because I couldn't speak the words and I didn't want to lie to him any more than we were. There was no point telling him she had technically died at the hands of another vampire. It would only raise more questions.
"What happened?" he asked, panicked.
"It was as I said. I was too late."
"Oh, God. It really is my fault she's dead. She'd be … like you … she'd be alive, sitting in this room looking exactly like she had."
"Only better," Alice mused.
"If I hadn't stepped in … she'd be here."
"You don't know that," Seth said, and squeezed Charlie's shoulder.
"Don't I? It's in their eyes. Look at them!" He turned to each of us, and there was guilt in our eyes, but not for the reasons he was assuming. "If I hadn't meddled she'd be alive." He stood up and started pacing the room. His thoughts were running rampant and he was angrier than I'd ever seen him. All he kept thinking was that his little girl could have lived forever if he hadn't interfered.
His grief is off the charts, Jasper said to me. I can't help him. Too many emotions in the room.
Charlie continued to pace. He was concentrating hard on something, but his head was closed to me. Just when I was about to stand up and offer him some comfort, he spun around and stared me straight in the eyes. Then his gaze moved to Carlisle and Esme and their joined hands, then to Alice and Jasper sitting together on the couch, and lastly to Emmett where his arm rested around Rosalie.
"You loved her," he said, everything finally making sense to him, that what we had wasn't a silly crush like he always thought it had been. He understood it all. My pain, why my family spared the town and why I wanted to end my life. It all came together for him. "You loved her." His eyes drifted over my family again and rested on me.
"Our kind loves deeply. For life. She was mine."
"I took her from you." He gripped my shirt, staring me in the eyes. The pain that was looking back at me was excruciating. I wanted to ease his suffering, but I was bound to a promise I couldn't break. He dropped his arms, and his shoulders slumped over in defeat. He stood there for what seemed like minutes, and none of us was sure what to do, but then Charlie turned away from me abruptly. He was thinking he had to get out of the house, get away from us. He rushed out of the room into the hallway, and stopped dead in his tracks. I saw the image he was looking at. Bella was staring back at him from the end of the hall.
"Holy Mother of God," he said, and keeled over crashing to the floor.
-:-