After.

Chapter Thirteen: Shower after

Joker stood in the shower, allowing the warm water to fall over him. He was in...shock. At first Kelly had seemed phased by his accidental speaking of the Commander's name – but it quickly switched to something that possibly made him more uncomfortable. She started asking questions. First it was simple, 'do you have feelings for-' blah, blah, blah stuff. Then it got...weird. Kelly began asking if he wanted to call her Shepard in bed. If he wanted her to dress up. Style her hair different – for her and Shepard had a similar length and color. Even wearing contacts was offered. It was disturbing how willing she was to play into this apparent fantasy. This time, Joker had been the one to leave quickly – heading straight for the showers.

Again, he was scrubbing himself, feeling dirty. Why had he said that name? Had it just been because Kelly's voice was low? That was probably it. He hadn't been sleeping well, and his mind filled in a gap. That was all. Nothing more.

The door to the shower opened, causing Joker to grunt in disapproval. He hated when people walked in while he was showering. He was used to it – sure – just didn't like it. Joker shot the newcomer a side-glance as the shower next to him turned on.

Kaidan?

The man pretended to not notice Joker, as he scrubbed himself in a similar fashion Joker had.

"You never struck me as a middle-of-the-night-shower-man," Joker awkwardly stated, rubbing his own hands in his shaggy brown hair.

"You never struck me as a talk-to-naked-men-in-the-middle-of-the-night-man," Kaidan countered, allowing the water to just fall over him.

"We all have our off-days," Joker shrugged, rubbing his shoulder. He felt sore everywhere from the somewhat violent-for-him sex he just had with Kelly. At least the warm water was helping...somewhat.

"So...what are you doing up?" Kaidan finally asked, rubbing soap on his arms.

"Weird night," he admitted, "Started awesome...then got really weird."

"Same, actually," Kaidan paused in his motions, before continuing.

"What happened to you?" Joker idly asked, rinsing the shampoo out of his hair.

"I'll only tell if you tel me what happened to you," Kaidan quietly replied, eyes fixed to the wall.

"Are we in high school or something?"

"Considering this is basically locker-room chat, it wouldn't surprise me."

"What makes you think I'll share?"

"I'm guessing you won't – so I won't have to either."

Joker felt a sense of competitiveness surge through him.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because we were dangerously close to fighting physically earlier."

"Physically meaning I throw a utensil and you force-push me through the wall and into space?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I slept with someone and called them by the name of someone else I wasn't expecting," Joker rattled out, causing Kaidan to actually turn his head and stare at him.

"That isn't okay."

"I know! It just...happened."

"Person an ex?"

"No."

"Someone who 'got away'?" Kaidan continued to question, returning his eyes to the wall.

"Not...really," Joker reasoned, not wanting to give away who it was.

"Then what's your connection to the person?"

"Friend. Didn't think I thought of them that way..." he frowned.

"I'm really hoping it wasn't me."

"Oh god...no! Not into that at all," Joker shivered slightly, shaking his head.

"So...who's you sleep with?" Kaidan asked, appearing to relax slightly to Joker's right. It was weird that he was having this conversation with Kaidan in the first place...let alone while showering.

"So how was your night weird?"

"You didn't finish your story. Who?"

"You're an ass."

"I'll be vague about my story too. And it's a good story."

"Fine. Kelly Chambers."

"Red head who's Shepard's assistant?"

"Well technically Miranda's now, but yeah."

"Nice," Kaidan complimented, "She's not bad on the eyes."

From the corner of Joker's eye, he could see Kaidan smiling. Something about it creeped him out.

"Yeah," Joker awkwardly agreed.

"But who's name did you shout out?"

Joker blinked, realizing if he told the truth, he'd probably die right here. On the spot. Naked and wet in the men's bathroom. He silently reflected on his life and how it led to this moment. Leaving the world wet and naked was oddly poetic. Like being unborn. Huh...

Or he could lie.

There were several sets of boobs around the ship that he had fantasized about. Samara. Tali. Miranda. Daniels even.

"...Miranda," he quickly lied, not convincing himself with his own words.

Kaidan froze, "You have feelings for Miranda?"

"...apparently?"

This entire thing was getting more painful by the moment.

"Well then my story is going to make you unhappy," Kaidan's words were too happy.

"Why?"

"I slept with Miranda tonight," Kaidan's voice borderline defensive – as if she was some piece of land he had just conquered.

"Wha...What about Shepard?"

"I'm moving on with my life."

And Kaidan quickly dried off and left the bathroom – leaving Joker feeling confused.

–

AN: ATTRATIVE NAKED MEN TALKING ABOUT SEXY THINGS. I mean...er...what a lovely chapter diving deep into Joker's psyche on his views of death and acceptance of it. Yes. That. Awkward everywhere. Why can't they all just be friends? AND WHO WILL END UP WITH SHEPARD? Dun dun dunnnnn. Yes, I just had a lot of sugar. Don't judge.

Rated M for: Language, future sexual situations, future violence, and so I can have freedom without fear of scarring a teen for life.

Oh – and I don't own anything ever.