Chapter 35
-:- It's Better to Light a Candle Than Curse the Darkness -:-
EMMETT LET THE EXPLETIVES fly again, throwing down the pieces of his latest victim.
It would be easier to use our hands, he said to me silently.
At the rate we were going, the shovels would wear down before any of us did. The ground was frozen, which wasn't a problem for me or Emmett, but the shovels were taking a beating.
Why don't we just take the bucket off the backhoe? I could lift that and get all this done with a few scoops. He looked toward the old backhoe sitting at the forest edge. It had been rusting away in the sleet since we had consumed our fuel allotment. The combustible liquids were a precious commodity in terms of executing our plans, and Tanya had designated each of the task workforces with what she thought could be spared. We couldn't justify using anymore, not when Emmett and I could do the same work as the backhoe could.
"Tonight," I whispered to Emmett, jamming my shovel back into the dirt.
This is a waste of time. We could have this done in a couple of hours. Emmett folded his arms and surveyed the land.
It was true, between the two of us, we could have all the pits dug out this afternoon. This was the last of the assignments; the digging of the pits. The ground was too hard for the humans to help, but a few still came out to work alongside us. There was a longing to feel useful amongst most of them, which we had to appreciate.
The preparations had been well under way for weeks. The compound had been fortified; the trebuchets were almost finished and training took place daily.
Seth's plan was good, provided we could execute it. If we could lead Maria's army to the battlefield of our choosing, we might stand a chance. Corral them into one spot, and let them come at us with their 'cavalry', as Maria called them. These would be the newborns, the inexperienced ones who would not be so cautious, and charge us on Maria's orders. It would take a few monstrous pits filled with oil and a handful sharp shooters to light them up. It wouldn't stop them, but as Charlie said, it would 'sure as hell slow them down.'
It was going to be complicated to coordinate everything, to keep us out of the line of fire, so to speak. If they would burn, so would we, but Charlie was confident in his people to carry out the diversion we needed to get close to Emilia. They spent hours choreographing the sequence in which the field would light up, and it turned out there were quite a few of the humans who could wield a bow and arrow, but one wrong shot and we were all at risk. It came down to trust, and it worked both ways.
It was amazing how much work could be accomplished with fourteen vampires who didn't need to sleep and had super strength and speed as a labor force. It was somewhat endless. Add the wolves to the list and we were all amazed at how quickly things came together.
No one rested—there was no time for it.
"Just keep up the facade," I said to Emmett under human hearing, "we'll do it tonight."
It's just Cheney and the boys. They won't care, and Seth doesn't count.
It had been weeks since we divulged our secret to the humans. As expected, not everyone took the news well. Some were horrified and left on the first shuttle North, not believing any of the 'tall-tales' or wanting any part of them. Others had shown their true character and proven Carlisle right about the inner strength in humans and how it always surprised him. There were some who were selfless and their courage knew no bounds, like Angela and Ben. They had accepted what was dealt them and chose to stand alongside us despite the differences between us. Perhaps it was being a parent and wanting to protect their child's future, or maybe it was just who they were, 'cut from a good cloth' as Esme put it. Either way, there were many who showed colors such as theirs.
However, with every Cheney, came a Newton of the bunch, on the fence, and too afraid of what others thought of them to run away at the first opportunity. They were easily swayed by an imaginary pressure they thought their friends were imposing on them. They stayed behind, complaining the entire time, and feeling as though they had been robbed of their choices. As Carlisle said, they were still here and that had to count for something.
We were careful about exploiting our talents, quickly learning that, although many stayed to fight, the humans were still uneasy about our abilities. Demonstrating our strength and speed in broad daylight put them on edge. It made them uncomfortable, and at a time when we needed them to trust us, we thought it best to reserve the heavy stuff for when night fell and the humans were asleep. No one said anything when the sun rose and tasks which should have taken a week to finish were done in a night. They didn't ask, and we didn't tell. It was a blissful ignorance on their part, but also necessary.
For the past few days, Emmett and I had been tasked to finish digging the pits in the field where the battle was to take place. We were given a small group of humans which included: Seth, Ben, Tyler, Eric and Mike Newton. Seth always went where Emmett or I went, and neither of us minded his company, and Ben was shaping up to be a good friend. The only downside to that friendship was Newton who was no stranger to being disagreeable. He had something to say at every turn.
At present, he was trying to lift a boulder which was clearly too heavy for him. Tired of hearing him grunt and groan, Emmett picked the rock up with one hand and tossed it into the trees.
"This wouldn't be a problem if you'd just turn us," Newton spat out, wiping his brow. "There must be a way even if you won't tell us how."
"It's not that simple," Emmett said.
"Why not? Seems simple enough."
"Because it's not," Emmett said with finality.
It was a good question, and one I'd heard from a number of minds over the past weeks. There were many who wondered why they couldn't reap the benefits of an immortal life, and some even thought they deserved it. They only saw the benefits of our abilities, thinking it would solve many of our problems if we could match Maria's force with similar numbers. This was the first time someone had openly discussed it with one of us and I was curious as to how Emmett would handle it, so I chose to stay out of the conversation.
"We'd have double the strength!" Newton said.
"We're not about to go and turn everyone just to win. It defeats the whole purpose of why we're fighting."
"I'm not saying you have to turn everyone, duh. Just the ones that want to be." I saw Newton imagining himself as a vampire, all the strength and power, he was drowning in it he wanted it so badly. I had to fight myself not to laugh at the image.
Eric and Tyler had stopped clearing the dirt around the edge of a pit to hear what Emmett had to say. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Ben had continued working, never having entertained the thought; he worked, but was still straining his ears to listen.
It was no surprise Seth had joined the others in the conversation. He often wondered what the answer to the question would be, but never had the courage to ask.
"Then we'd have more newborns on our hands," Emmett said.
"So," Newton shrugged, "then we can actually fight and not hide behind walls that won't keep them out anyway."
"And then we'd be fighting you."
"No, you wouldn't. If you can manage, I think we'd be able to."
Emmett, annoyed with how the conversation was going, bent down to pick up the handle of the broken shovel. Before he had fully risen, he was up in Newton's face. "Do you know how long I've been like this?" He snapped the wooden handle in two as though it was a breadstick. "It's been eighty-one years since I was turned. Eighty one. Do you get that?" He towered over him, and his shoulders were a good foot wider than Newton's. I thought Newton would take a step back, but he was too frightened to move. If his bladder was full, he would have emptied it right where he stood.
"It's taken me decades to control the bloodlust. It consumes you, takes over all your rational thinking. Not that you've ever had much to begin with." Emmett tilted his head, bending down so he was eye level with Newton. "You think this is easy for me, right now? I hear five human heartbeats. Five. They pound away in my ears, and right now yours matches the pace of the rabbit just beyond those bushes over there. I smell your blood rushing through your veins. It never goes away, you never get used to it. I tolerate it because the alternative is draining your skinny ass dry. And my wife, whom I'm rather fond of, doesn't like it when I do that. When you're turned into something like me, you become a killer. Don't ever forget what we are, Newton. There's a hunger that calls and it's never satisfied." Emmett licked his lips, and I saw his eyes had turned black. Newton was in no danger, none of them were, I knew what Emmett was trying to accomplish, and his little display was doing what he intended.
"You turn on your friends, your family, just to have a taste...to try and quench the thirst that never goes away. It doesn't matter who they are, you wouldn't see them or their faces. All you would see, hear, taste, need...is their blood pulsing beneath their skin." Emmett put a finger on Newton's carotid artery, feeling his rapid pulse. "You feel me?" He kept his finger there for a few more seconds and Newton, Tyler and Eric all held their breaths, too terrified to move.
Emmett laughed, taking a step away to give them some distance. His eyes had turned back to their amber gold, and his shoulders relaxed. "Besides," he said, "if I had to spend an eternity on this earth knowing you'd be here with me, Newton, I'd kill you myself before letting that happen."
Newton's face drained of all its blood. His knees collapsed, landing him on his backside in the dirt pile. All his notions of being turned were pushed aside. Instead, he concentrated on keeping his lunch in his stomach. We could smell his fear, Tyler and Eric's too, even though they were trying to make light of what just happened. It wasn't the most ideal solution to the problem, it didn't help our cause convincing them we were on their side, but it had to be done. Once the family had made the decision to tell the humans, we all agreed not one of them would be turned to help fight the battle, not even with the most sound and logical of reasons. It wasn't because of the treaty, if it still existed, but we had made a promise to Jacob and Charlie.
Fear made people do irrational things, like wanting to be immortal, and there was no doubt the humans would be frightened once they heard the truth. None of the humans would get to make a decision such as that when faced with what was coming. We wouldn't even give them the option, only sharing the knowledge with the ones who could be trusted.
Emmett apologized in his head to me, and went to help Seth with the oil drums, leaving Ben and I to carry on with our work.
I liked Ben. He was a good father, a good husband to Angela and he was a rational thinker. If circumstances were different, I think he and I could have become good friends. He was one of the few people who were genuinely comfortable around us. A lot of that probably came from Angela, but the two of them understood what this all meant, and what we were trying to achieve. They wanted a better life for their daughter, and if it meant standing with us to do it, they would look past what we were and rely on who we were.
"Alice told Angela the good news," Ben said. "Congratulations, Edward." He smiled, while he held the handles of the wheelbarrow waiting for me to finish filling it. Like most, he and Angela were shocked by the news of Bella's return, but the shock eventually wore off and they were happy to have their friend back, if not for their sake's then for Charlie's.
"Don't let Bella hear the wedding talk," I said, throwing a shovel full of dirt in the wheelbarrow. "She'll decapitate Alice and we need all the heads we have."
"Why not?" Ben said, not sure whether to laugh or be appalled at the idea of Bella removing Alice's head, and whether it could actually be done.
"Alice is going a little overboard about the idea of a wedding," I said. "If she had her way, which she usually does, we'd be having the wedding on Christmas morning."
Ben laughed at the idea of throwing a wedding together in a matter of days.
"Don't laugh. I've seen her do much more in less time. Emmett and Rosalie have been married more times than you can count on both hands. Alice has it down to a science, now. Even in this world she'd be capable of something extraordinary."
We worked in silence a little longer and I knew the question Ben wanted to ask me, but I let him have his thoughts. When we revealed what we were, we didn't divulge everything. We were hesitant about sharing too much information with them, choosing to keep some of our extra talents a secret. They were straddling the border of hysteria as it was just learning about vampires and werewolves, we didn't need to add mind-readers and empaths to the mix.
"Do you mind if I ask—and you can tell me to butt out—but, why do you and Bella want to wait? I would think you'd want to get married right away, before all of this...you know, like how soldiers get married before going off to war." Ben didn't finish the rest of his thoughts out loud, but he wondered if the difference was a vampire thing. "You've waited so long already, I just thought the two of you wouldn't want to wait anymore."
I rested my arm on the handle of the shovel and gave him a smile. I didn't need to give him a reason, but Ben was the one person I thought would understand once I did explain it. He was being honest with me, so the least I could do was be honest in return.
"Soldiers going to war leave someone or something behind to hold on to," I said. "It's someone they can come back to, like an anchor keeping them on this earth. Bella and I will stand together through this, beside each other. The only thing we have to hold on to is a future together. As husband and wife. Our impending marriage will be what anchors us. It'll keep us fighting knowing what awaits us when we live through this."
He stopped for a moment, and straightened up, standing tall. A part of his posture was out of respect, and a part of it was an understanding. He thought of Angela and baby Isabella who would be taking the last transport to Alaska after Christmas. He would hold on to them, fight for them, for their futures, so he understood exactly what I meant, just like I thought he would. He nodded, clearing his throat.
"There was a time when I thought you and I were from different worlds," Ben said, "and that was before I knew what you really were. Now that I know, I can say we've more in common today than we did back then. We're not so different, you and I." He lifted the full wheelbarrow and took his leave, pushing it toward the forest's edge.
Maybe he should leave when the last of them go, Emmett said from across the field, silently worried about Ben and his family.
It was something I wished Ben would do, but both Emmett and I knew he wasn't the type of man to run away. He would stay along with a lot of other good men and women. It was hard to swallow, knowing most would probably die, but Charlie was adamant every person would get to make their own decision for themselves and their families. Those who wanted to leave would leave. Those who stayed would stay, but everyone would know the risks involved in either choice.
The past few weeks had been somewhat quieter, with over half the compound gone. Most of the skeptics and the troublemakers were sent to Alaska on the first runs north. Charlie had insisted. We had a lot to prepare for and he wanted to avoid any further conflict. It hadn't been easy on Charlie, trying to convince the people we were here to help. He did his best to defend us and our actions, but their reactions hadn't surprised any one of us.
"What's this about?" came a shout from the crowd.
"Did you come up with a name for this place, yet?"
"I thought we were having a contest?"
"My vote's for Spoons!"
Standing at the front of the church, Charlie chuckled as he raised his hands in the air to quiet everyone down. "We'll take that one into consideration, Mr. Crowley, but no, this isn't about that." The crowd's disappointment echoed around the room. They weren't oblivious to Charlie's grave face. He looked to me to make sure things were okay. It was my job to keep an ear on the them, while Jasper's was to monitor their mood, sway them a little if needed. So far, things were as calm as they could be.
"I'm afraid it's a bit more serious than that." The crowd finally quieted down; everyone was listening to him now. "Seems we're in for some hard times ahead." Murmurs erupted again, but Charlie talked over them. "I'm going to ask the impossible of each of you today. I think I've managed to steer you right up until now, at least I hope I have."
"Yeah, you have!" More shouts of encouragement around the room.
"I'm not really sure how to say this." He scratched his moustache, looking to Carlisle for some help.
"Just spit it out, old man!" They laughed.
"I suppose that's best. Look," he took a deep breath, "another war is coming." He waited for them to settle before continuing. "It's not like any war the people on this earth have fought before. There's an army coming and they mean to kill, take you from your loved ones, and possibly enslave you."
At his words, there was more laughter, and some even threw hand gestures his way, calling him crazy.
"Charlie is right," Carlisle shouted over the catcalls. "We're at war and this war cannot be reconciled any other way than to fight back."
"Go on, Doc! I bet you've got some fancy guns stored up somewhere. We hear you had 'em mounted on your vehicles when you got here."
Charlie held up his hands when the crowd's voices rose in agreement. "Guns won't work. Not this time." Taking off his hat, he placed it on the pulpit, bowing his head. "What I'm about to tell you will seem unreal. You'll think I'm a slice short of a loaf, but this is real. All of it. And sometimes the monsters we tell our children about are real, too."
This got everyone talking, and panic started to settle in. Jasper stepped up, and although it was subtle, those of us who knew what to expect felt it as he tried to calm everyone down.
"I'm not asking any of you to fight. You'll all have a choice, but in order to make that choice, you have to know the whole truth and what we're actually facing. We'll send the sick, the young and those past their prime up to Alaska. We've found a place for you there. Anyone who wants to go is free to do so, without remorse. Those who choose to stay will make a stand here with the rest of us. There's a good chance most of us won't survive, but if we lose, none of us will survive no matter how far we run..."
"Do you ever wish you could turn it off?" Seth's voice snapped me back from the memory.
"All the time," I said, without thinking. The others were off near the tree line making sure the excess dirt was hidden, so we were alone and free to talk openly.
"If you had the choice to get rid of it for good, would you?"
No one had ever asked me that before. They asked what it was like, or if I could pick and choose when I could turn it on and off, but never whether I wanted to get rid of it altogether. My family never asked because, like everything about being a vampire, it was something I couldn't change. But with Emilia coming, I had been thinking about the loss of my ability on more than one occasion.
"If I'm being honest, I really don't know. I can't remember a time without the voices. Everything to do with who I am is because of my ability. It shapes how I act, how I treat people. I guess I've been cheating my entire life. I don't think I'd know how to just…be."
"Does it scare you? You know, Emilia coming."
His questions always surprised me. The kid had a lot of insight and we never gave him enough credit for it. "It does," I said. "I worry I won't be strong enough to help my family. Without knowing my opponent's thoughts, I don't know how good I can be. I worry I'll fail them."
Seth was staring at the ground, and I tried not to be intrusive into his thoughts, but his mind was jumping all over the place. Eventually he settled on what he wanted to say. "You're not the only one who feels that way."
His stomach growled—a loud, hollow sound that seemed to echo in my ears. We both laughed as I said, "We should call it a day." All of the humans were getting hungry, and even though Emmett and I could have continued for hours, the daylight was fading, so it was a good time to pack it in and get them back to the compound.
"Have you decided on the Christmas celebrations?" Seth asked as we started to load up Emmett's jeep. "Are you joining us?"
"The family has decided to keep it low key. Carlisle thinks it's for the best." Actually, it was me who thought it was best, and I convinced the others. Despite no one openly speaking of it, we still weren't welcome by everyone inside the compound. They accepted the reality of us, but they feared us almost as much as Maria's army. It wasn't fair to add to their fears with our presence on Christmas. It was a time for them to celebrate with their family and friends. Carlisle wanted the humans to have their day of peace, and we would give it to them by staying away.
"You have just as much right to be there as anyone else," Seth said.
"You and your family may think that, Seth, but not a lot of them share your opinions. I know, remember?" I tapped the side of my head as I shut the back door. "Some of them will never get past what we are."
"Jesus, Charlie! Who the hell is coming this way? Is it the commies?"
"I'm getting to it, but before I do, I want you all to know that right here, right now, is the best chance we have for the survival of the human race. This, here and now, is where we start our new pages of history."
For the most part, only a few had picked up on Charlie's carefully chosen words: 'human race.' Angela gripped Ben's hand while her eyes were trained on me at the side of the room where I stood with Jasper and some of the wolves. Somehow she knew this had to do with us, and how unnatural we seemed. She'd always felt it, and now her sixth sense was ringing alarm bells deep within her.
By the time Charlie, with the help of Carlisle and Jacob and some demonstrations, finished explaining what they would be facing, many had left the church, cursing and frightened for their lives. Some had wept, and others were too shocked to do anything but sit and listen. It was clear who the outsiders were, though, and the threats we imposed. Jacob and his brothers knew most of them all of their lives, so it was a easier for the people of the compound to accept what Jacob and his pack were, even if they were shape-shifting monsters. Us on the other hand, we were the very same monsters that were coming for them and their children.
"How do we know they ain't fixin' to take our loved ones away from us, and slaughter us in our sleep?"
"I'm disappointed in you, Lenny. If the Cullens meant to cause us harm, we'd all have been dead ten years ago!" Charlie fired back.
"Maybe we're their new food supply. Ever think of that? They kept us alive so they'd have all the food they'd need. You let these monsters in here! In a house of worship, no less!"
"You want to protect your children?" Charlie was yelling, now, along with Seth. "Then you'll listen to what they have to say. They're here to help!"
Carlisle's expression was filled with grief. He doubted the decision to involve the humans, and was regretting his vote, knowing we were asking too much of these people. Just like his own father, he thought, some of these people would never move past their fears. It was human nature, and history was full of reactions based on fear. No matter how hard we tried, some would never change their tune.
"That's their problem, then," Seth said.
"It's all of our problem. They need to be able to trust us. We can't force it on them."
The humans had listened to what we had to say, the advice we had to give, and even tolerated working beside us, over-looking our extraordinary strength and speed, but that was the extent of it. It was genuine trepidation on their part. I think the hardest was watching Rosalie. School was cancelled to prepare for what was coming, and most of the students had been sent away already, but a part of her wondered if the school had been closed because of her, that parents were uneasy about sending their children to school to be taught by a 'blood-sucking monster.' I wanted to placate her assumptions, but unfortunately I could not. Although I would never tell her, there were a number of reasons why they closed the school and one of those reasons had been Rosalie.
"Well, Charlie wants Bella with us," Seth said, climbing into the jeep. "He'd never ask you, but he does. He's needed at the service or he'd be at the house with all of you. It's not fair to make him choose, not like this. Not on Christmas."
He was right. The kid always was.
-:-
FOR THE PAST FEW nights, Bella and I had been stealing some time to ourselves. Breaking in to Carlisle and Esme's house at the compound once the humans had retired for the evening. It was the only place we could be alone without both families hovering nearby. It was the closest we could come to a human life. For those brief hours before dawn, we felt like man and wife in our own home, in our own bed, even if we did everything but sleep.
When I could think again, the first coherent thought which crossed my mind was that I would never get used to this, to Bella. Lying on her side in front of me, the curve of her body fit snug against mine. Her scent was all around me, and I found it difficult to imagine a time without her now. Inhaling, I pulled her closer to me. We were as intimate as the act itself finished up only moments ago. I hated to break our comfortable silence, but as usual, something was weighing heavily on my mind.
"I have to tell you something," I said, tracing my favourite spot on her belly. "You're probably not going to like it."
"Have I liked anything that's been happening lately?" She lifted her head from the pillow, so she could get a better look at me.
"Well," I said, laughing, "you seemed to like what we did just a few minutes ago."
"Edward." She bent her head and nipped my shoulder with her teeth.
"Ow!" I flipped us over so she was underneath me. I braced for the retaliation, knowing I shouldn't have done it, but when we were alone like this it was hard to remember the wounded warrior she was. This time, I didn't see the panic in her eyes. She only smiled, which in turn filled me with light.
Bella was healing.
I paused to kiss her because her lips were so close, and because there was nothing more I could think of doing. All logical thought was gone again. I kissed her until I had to force myself to stop. She needed to know, even though I struggled with whether or not it was the right decision. With one last touch of her tongue, I drew away. Her eyes were slightly out of focus, and I buried my face into her neck, inhaling her scent one last time.
"Leah has asked something of Carlisle," I whispered. "No one else knows. He hasn't even approached me about it, even though he realizes I'm aware of their plan."
My words got her attention; her lust-filled smile faded while she waited for me to continue. I regretted breaking the moment we were having, but there couldn't be any secrets between us.
"Leah wants a contingency plan," I said.
"The bunker. Isn't that what we decided?"
"The hospital is the last stand, yes, but she wants more than that." I confessed what Leah and Carlisle had been doing during their time together. We all thought he was teaching her as much as he could, to pass on whatever knowledge he had to share in preparation. But there was a more grave reason. Leah wanted to give the humans one last final decision: be taken by Maria, or not.
It was a simple draught Carlisle developed from the yew trees, a highly toxic poison mixed with a sleeping serum. One would just lie down and go to sleep. There would be no pain, no panic, no torture and it would save them from the life Maria had planned for them. No one knew about it, not even Charlie, and no one would until the last possible point of survival.
Charlie had given everyone a choice, and now Leah would as well.
Bella lay underneath me with her head turned to the side. Her neck was bare and stretched, tempting me beyond all reason, but I waited for her to process my confession before satiating my own needs. She was so still, I began to doubt my decision to tell her. It was one more thing to add to her worries, and I should have kept it to myself. As I hovered over her trying to read her face, I caught a glimpse of relief in her eyes.
"You're relieved?"
"I am."
Watching the light come though the homespun curtains as the sun started to rise, I finally understood the horrors of what Maria represented. Bella would rather see her family and friends dead than be taken and forced into that life.
The relief was replaced with unease. "Do you think I could ask Alice about my da— about Charlie? Would she tell me what she sees for him?" Biting her lip, her body was tense underneath me as she waited for my answer.
"You can ask, I'm not sure how much she'll see since his life is so closely intertwined with the wolves, but I think Alice would be honest with you. The question you have to ask is if you want to know. I've lived with Alice for over sixty years and in that time I've been privy to most of her visions. It's hard for her, knowing when something bad is going to happen. The thing is, nothing is certain. We make all kinds of decisions which affect our daily lives. Alice can't account for that. Humans are unpredictable at the best of times. Anything could happen to Charlie and Alice wouldn't know, not unless she's watching the decisions he makes all the time." I paused to watch the expression on her face, turn from dread to acceptance. "You'll drive yourself crazy worrying about it. Trying to keep someone safe…doesn't always work out like we plan, especially if their last name is Swan."
She laughed. The light was back in her eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it came. "He'll be all right, won't he?
I wanted to tell her yes, to calm her worries. The truth was, none of us were going to be all right after this. "I don't know, Bella." I took a deep breath and sighed. "Charlie wanted this. He wanted to risk his life for you, to protect you because he's your father and loves you. That's what you have to remember. There are people who love you enough to risk everything. Which is exactly what you're doing as well."
"They're ready, right?"
This time she didn't need the truth from me; she didn't want it. It would do no good to tell her the humans were frightened beyond rational thought, that there weren't enough of us to take on the army that would be on our doorstep in less than a week. She certainly didn't need to know there were limited arrows to go around for the humans, that if they missed their targets, we would all be doomed. And that wasn't accounting for the possibility of rain. The variables were too great, especially when everything depended on one thing: the newborns taking the bait. If they were disciplined and didn't let their bloodlust drive their reasoning, the plan would fail. They had to be enticed and be lead into the traps we'd laid out for them. The scent of blood had to draw them in and the false ground scattered all over the field had to give way, trapping them waist deep in the tar and oil for just a brief moment while the flaming arrows made their mark, igniting the fuel to burn their bodies. It all had to be perfectly timed, perfectly played like an orchestra. One wrong note and the symphony would change from a battaglia to a dirge.
There was so much at stake in those first moments of the battle. So many obstacles to overcome and then the real campaign would begin. Jasper and Alice, accompanied by some of the wolves, would go after Emilia, to seek her out and destroy her so Bella could ultimately win the war for us. We couldn't spare anyone else, the rest would have the task of fighting the masses, while Bella and I went after Maria, waiting for that moment when we knew Alice and Jasper had succeeded. It was such a long stretch, but still, none of us were ready to give up.
No, Bella didn't need to hear the truth from me. She knew what the truth was. They had bigger guns than us.
I traced my finger down the length of her cheek, ending at her mouth. My thumb pulled down her bottom lip which was caught snugly in her teeth. With my best conviction and unwavering stare, I said, "They're ready." I gave her a smile, and made sure it reached my eyes. "We all are."
"Liar," she whispered. "I love you for it." It was her turn to place a soft kiss on my lips. It was tender, lingering a little longer than either of us intended, and it broke my heart. "I think we should go to the Christmas service," she said, breaking our kiss. "I know what you and Carlisle think, but—"
"I was hoping you'd be the one to change our minds." I smiled down at her.
"I have to think about Charlie. Christmas was always hard for him, and I don't want to let him down. I've missed the last ten, and who knows if we'll live to see any more. I need to tell him what he means to me, and I think showing up at church will be enough for Charlie."
It was a rough kiss this time. Capturing her hands, I held them over her head trying to steal her will as she fought me, laughing. With a devilish look in her eyes, she flipped us over, her hair falling over her shoulders creating a veil between us as she leaned down brushing her lips—and a hint of teeth—along the nape of my neck.
"The sun's up," I said, shivering from the sensation. We had to be on our way soon, even if I wanted to bury my fingers in her hair and stay here until she could wipe the grin from my face. "If we start this now—"
"Edward Cullen, you are such a tease. You're the one who started this."
-:-
TEN YEARS AGO IT was ash that fell, floating in the sky covering every inch of every surface in a thick layer of gray. Eerily silent. Tonight, as we made our way to the compound, it was snow—large flakes falling from the sky—floating and insulating the sounds of the night. It was pure and white, it was everywhere, and with the candlelit lanterns it truly made it a winter wonderland. It was a beautiful night as we walked to the church with the echoes of singing being the only sound carrying on the wind. The people's voices were strong and clear, and as we stood outside the doors listening to the words, it was difficult not to think this was an omen.
"Nothing like a little 'O Come, All Ye Faithful' knowing it might be the last time you sing it on this earth." Emmett hadn't said it with any hint of humor; his sincerity was felt by every one of us. We hadn't told Charlie we were coming, thinking it best not to let everyone get worked up over our arrival. We also hadn't come bearing gifts. We didn't want them to think we were buying their acceptance, so we came as we were, dressed in humbled clothing, not even our finer things knowing we would still be overdressed. These decisions seemed like a good idea at the time, but as we stood listening to a carol about rejoicing in the Lord and coming to witness the miracle in Bethlehem, we could not help thinking even the Wise Men brought gifts. Intruding on them with empty hands made us feel just that...empty.
Carlisle took the first step forward, knocking lightly before opening the door. The singing stopped as soon as the door swung ajar, and everyone swiveled in their seats, staring opened mouthed at the fourteen of us. Gifts would have been a good idea, at least to break the tension. Instead we all stood awkwardly waiting for someone to make the first move.
It was Charlie who jumped up, beaming when his eyes landed on his daughter. His eyes welled with tears as he placed his hands on his hips.
"Well, it's about time," he said, his voice booming around the room since everyone was as silent as a prayer. "We started without you, but there's room up at the front here." He didn't even skip a beat, ushering people to squeeze in so we could all sit together. Greeting each one us, he shook our hands and asked who of us had any singing abilities. Sue passed around the few copies of the carol book and welcomed us all the same. Putting an arm around Bella, she made her sit beside her, with me on the other side.
Charlie took the pulpit and waited for each of us to settle before speaking. It was a bit of déjà vu with all the silence.
Looking to where Angela was sitting with Ben and the baby, he nodded to the derelict piano in the corner. "What do you say, Mrs. Cheney? How about something a little lighter this time?" His mustache widened with his smile.
A look of mortification crossed Angela's face, followed by a deep red which spread up her neck to her cheeks. "Chief! I-I can't. Not when..." She looked down at her fingers.
"Come now," Charlie joked, "you were doing just fine before."
"I only know those few songs, and they were terrible at best! Please, don't make me, don't humiliate me." Angela knew how well I played, she remembered from years ago when Bella told her, and the thought of playing her 'chopstick-like' rendition of a few Christmas carols in front of me and our family had embarrassed her.
"Edward can play," Bella volunteered.
It was the first time Bella had spoken in front of the humans, at least in such a crowd. My body jerked at her words, as did everyone else's, each of us shocked by her outburst, but no one more than me. Giving me a quick smile, she squeezed my hand when she noticed what could only be described as a murderous look coming from me.
She squeezed my hand again. "You can do this," she whispered. "Think of it as my Christmas gift. Please?"
All it took was that one word, and I would do anything for her, and she knew it.
"Is that so?" Charlie asked, with his eyebrows raised. "My future son-in-law can play the piano?"
"He plays beautifully," Esme piped up in defense of Bella's statement.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Edward," Charlie gestured with his arm, "show us what you got."
"It's not really in tune," Angela said, "but it's the best we have."
It was not lost on any of my family that a baby grand piano in pristine condition was back at the house and sat unplayed for a decade, and here in the corner of the church was an upright—run-down and out of tune—shared by hundreds. Of course the guilt was what swayed my decision.
Leaning down, I kissed Bella on her cheek and whispered in her ear, "I'll get you for this." I kissed her again. "You're going to owe me."
"Looking forward to it, Mr. Cullen."
Slowly standing up, I pretended to stretch, giving way to the facade we were trying to maintain. "It's been a while, so I'm a little rusty." The walk up to the front was hampered by the silence in the room. The voices in my head were curious and apprehensive by our presence. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought Charlie and Angela had orchestrated this as a way to win the crowd over. Pulling out the bench, I sat down examining the foot pedals.
"There's some sheet music in the bench," Angela called out, smiling as she adjusted the baby in her lap.
"I think I can remember where my hands go," I said. "Any requests?" I looked up over the crowd and zeroed in on Bella. She winked, as Charlie sat in my seat next to her.
"Surprise us!" came a masculine shout from the back, but I recognized Quil's voice all the same, along with his laughter at my predicament.
Charlie wanted something light, so I started the first few bars and eventually everyone joined in, catching up with "laughing all the way." It was easy to recall the notes, my fingers never faltered, and before my eyes, the faces throughout the room lost the coating of wariness and cynicism, melting like the snowflakes trapped on our boot soles.
I played carol after carol, some light and fun, others more solemn and tranquil, and when I finished a version of White Christmas I rested my hands on the wood, and looked over to Esme, smiling.
Don't you dare, Edward!
I nodded, not giving in. The mood in the room was jovial, and whether it was Jasper amplifying the ambience, or just the spirit in the air, the church was overflowing with it. I wanted to see how far I could push my luck. Esme was the one who wanted me to keep playing, and I was going to make her 'sing for her supper,' as they say. She wasn't going to get off easy tonight. I hadn't forgotten her earlier outburst.
"Some of you don't know this," I said, giving her a cheeky grin, "but Esme sings beautifully. I was hoping we could convince her to come up and join me for one last song." Now it was her turn to send me death threats with her eyes, but not only could I see them, I could hear them and laughed at her curses.
"Oh, please do, Esme," Sue said with a hopeful look in her eyes. "If you sing the way Edward plays, it will make this Christmas night complete."
Touché, Edward, Esme said in her head. I deserve this, but I'll not forgive you for it.
There were a few silent comments from my family, congratulating me on roping Esme into a performance. It had been many, many years since we heard her sing. Singing was a reminder of her human life, and she didn't like to dwell too much in those painful memories, but tonight wasn't about any of that. It was a night for peace, and joy, and as Carlisle put it, Esme had 'a voice like an angel,' so it was only fitting for her to sing tonight.
Only one song would do this evening justice, and that was the one I would play. She knew it as well.
Standing at the edge of the piano, she turned so she was slightly facing me, and slightly facing Carlisle. And even though she pretended to be angry with me, her eyes were filled with nothing but warmth and love. This was her prayer to us—to everyone. She simply nodded, clasped her hands and waited for me to begin. The first few bars of Ave Maria resounded from the piano as my fingers moved. Esme took a deep breath, opened her mouth, and indeed, the sound of angels came forth.
Gasps echoed throughout the room as everyone held their breaths listening to the sounds of the foreign words, sung in perfect pitch, calling to the Holy Mother to intercede on our behalf. Locking eyes, I played, Esme sang, and both of us got lost in the meaning of the music. When we finished, we were too afraid to look out at the church pews, and instead held each other's gaze.
I love you, she said. You are my child in every way that matters.
There was only silence at first, and then it was broken by a chorus of sobs. When I finally had the nerve to look at our audience, apart from the fourteen of us who couldn't shed any tears, there wasn't a dry eye in the church.
Charlie took to the pulpit again, and even his eyes held the evidence of how emotionally charged the room had become. He thanked us, hugging each of us and proudly smiled at his daughter and the family she had given him.
"Doc— Carlisle— I wondered if you might say a few words. I'm not one for speeches, not like you, and I thought you might lead us in a prayer."
Carlisle raised his hands in protest, remembering all too well how it went down the last time he spoke in front of these people. He knew they would be reminded of it, too. He was never one to panic, or at least not one to show it, but he did not want to be put on the spot like this and he appreciated what Esme and I had just gone through.
"Go on, Doc!" a yell came from the back of the room.
It was as good a time as any, and I said as much to Carlisle. The crowd was subdued, whether it was Christmas itself or too much of Tyler and Eric's moonshine punch, either way, they were in good spirits and if Carlisle had wanted one last chance to address them before the battle, now was the opportunity.
Rubbing his hands on his thighs, he shook his head back and forth weighing what he could possibly say to them. Esme patted his arm reassuringly, but neither of us had ever witnessed him this nervous.
"You can do this," I whispered, echoing the words Bella had said to me.
Slowly standing, he adjusted his tie as he approached the pulpit. Shaking Charlie's hand when he reached him, Carlisle took his spot, looking down while he rested his hands on the wooden top. "I don't think I can compete with my talented and beautiful wife," he looked up, giving her a smile, "but I'll try my best."
Carlisle was no stranger to standing in front of crowds and speaking. Over the years of attending countless medical symposiums, he was at ease with it, but tonight was different. With nothing prepared, his thoughts took an unexpected turn toward his father. Knowing I was 'listening,' he shared one last sympathetic look with me before speaking.
"I'm not sure if I should be the one up here in front of all of you on this holy day." There were some nods around the room from people in agreement, a few silent decrees of blasphemy, but they would never dare speak them aloud, not here, not with so many of the others present. Only I was subjected to them and thankful my family was unaware.
"Not many of you know this, but my father was a pastor, so I'll try my best to call upon some of the things he instilled in me. He was by no means a saint. He wasn't even a good man by today's standards. He was a man ruled by his fears," Carlisle paused as he thought about his father and what he represented, "which is a very dangerous thing."
Carlisle sought me out and locked eyes with me and then Bella. He held her gaze for a moment before looking around the rest of the room, meeting the eyes of some of the humans. "Some of you have been kind enough and curious to ask me and my family about our lives, and where we came from. Others of you may be too afraid to ask. Perhaps tonight I can put some of your suspicions to rest." He cleared his throat. "It is true—I have been on this earth well over three hundred years, almost four."
There were gasps around the room. I had been expecting them, and so had Carlisle, but some of the family had not. They shifted uneasily in their seats, waiting for the backlash. I eased them as best I could while Jasper worked the room, hoping not to draw too much attention to ourselves. "I understand it's a lot to take in, and hard to believe." The murmurs continued, but Carlisle remained strong and waited for them to subside, giving Charlie a look of reassurance.
"My father claimed he was doing the work of God, and wished for me to follow in his footsteps. Eager to please him, like any good son, I too chose to rid the world of evil and sin. So that's what I did. I was "God's own vigilante" as my father put it, and together we sought out the creatures of the night, the same creatures who share this Christmas Eve with you under this same roof.
"For all my father's faults, he truly believed he was God's instrument. He didn't see reason, or even rule with compassion, and many innocent people lost their lives at the hands of my father. This was why I knew acceptance and forgiveness was not something that would come easily for him, not when I was turned by the very thing we were trying to hunt."
I knew how difficult this was for Carlisle. He never spoke of his transformation. I was only privy because he couldn't hide it from me, but he refused to talk about it with anyone. For him to share this with everyone was a true testament of faith. He knew what many of them thought of us, and he wanted them to understand we knew.
"I am that monster," Carlisle continued. "An abomination of God, as my father put it, cursing every one of our kind. But I was once a man no different than most of you. For a long time I thought God had turned me to punish me for all of my sins and those of my father. Over the centuries I've come to accept it wasn't true. I am His instrument, that part is correct. I've spent hundreds of years trying to figure out why He let me live, because you see, I still believe in God even after all that I have seen, all that has happened. I didn't always. I lost my way and it took the love of my family to show me He does exist. He has blessed me with loved ones, with friends." He looked around the room, his eyes settling on Charlie, and Seth and even Jacob. "I've lived a good and righteous life, one I hope my father would have been proud of despite what I've become. I understand now, I was put on this earth to rid the world of sin and evil, and I hope..." he paused and cleared his throat, "I hope we do just that by standing alongside one another defending what is good and holy in this world. I cannot promise I can protect you from this, but I can promise to fight with you and never abandon you."
I met Carlisle's eyes while he continued to deliver his sermon. We didn't need words, through his eyes he said everything he ever wanted to say to me. I felt his pride and his joy, but most importantly I felt his love. There was a bond that was unspoken, and with Marcus' gift I knew what it looked like. The bonds were everywhere in this room. Vampire, wolf, human, we were all connected, and Carlisle liked to believe that had to do with God. There was a time when I would have mocked him, but not today. Today was a day to cast aside doubts and just believe.
"God is on our side," Carlisle said. "He will lead us to whatever path He has chosen for us. I stand before you all on this hour of need and pray with you, hoping He will hear our calling.
"Lord," Carlisle said, bending his head over the pulpit, "I ask that you guide me through this day of days. Keep my family, my friends safe, comfort them and if it is your will that I should fall, let me be worthy of your Kingdom and let me be worthy of my death, for I was not worthy of my first."
There was a peace inside the church. No one moved. There were no sounds, only the wind from outside could be heard. Even the voices in my head were quiet. The same feeling I had in Carlisle's study the night we played chess passed through me. A chill I didn't wish to acknowledge. I was gripping Bella's hand ever so tightly, which I hadn't realized until she brought the back of my hand to her lips. I briefly wondered if she felt the chill with me, and then I knew she did when Charlie was the first to stand. Breaking the silence of the room, all eyes swept to him, waiting with breaths held for him to be the first to speak.
Charlie met Carlisle's eyes. The two shared a look which had the potential to haunt me for years.
"Amen." Charlie's voice was solid and sure, and I could tell he felt every one of Carlisle's words, all the way to the depths of his soul.
"Amen," Carlisle whispered in return.
-:-