A/N- Even though I hate Valentine's Day, I decided to write this. The Valentine's Day special!

Ogihci and Zangetsu have decided to spend their time trying to guess who Ichigo's Valentine will be, and have come up with a few weird ideas, just so you know.

AH! It's the disclaimer! Run and hide! I don't own Bleach!

While a group of teenage girls squealed in delight, Ichigo looked at the store's display in horror. A giant, red, paper-mâché heart. Great. Just what Karakura town needed.

The girls noticed him staring at the heart and started giggling, mistaking his horrified expression for an overwhelmed one. One of the girls, the tallest one in the group, plucked a red rose and a large box of chocolates off the display and handed them to him.

"I'd get these for her," the brunet said while Ichigo attempted to refuse them. "Don't worry. I'm sure she'll love them." This made her friends to start giggling again, giving each other knowing glaces.

He was oblivious until a shorter preteen stepped forward, pointed towards the 'Planned Parenthood' section, and said, "You might want to pick something up from over there too, mister." She then hid behind the taller girl, red with embarrassment.

Ichigo, realizing what the girls were implying, quickly dumped the Valentines back onto the display and walked off, turning red himself and exiting the store.

All the while, the tall brunet was running after him, shouting, "But that stuffs important! Wait mister!"

'Aw, but King~ You could have scored it with that orange-haired chick...' Ogihci whined from within his head.

'Stop talking about Orihime that way.'

'But she's totally into ya!'

A garbage truck rolled by as he said this, blocking out the last half of the hollow's sentence.

'Sorry, what?'

'You really are oblivious, you know that, Ichigo?'

'Zangetsu! You're on his side now?'

Before the sword could reply, Ogihci piped up again. 'Ya know, you could just shack up with that rabbit-obsessed midget chick that lives in your closet... I wouldn't mind.' Ichigo could practically see his hollow's psychotic grin spread even further.

'No.'

'That tomboy you hang out with a lot?'

'Uh, no.'

'What about the cat lady?'

'Yoruichi? No!'

'The drunk with the huge jugs?'

'NO!'

'Ogihci, obviously he isn't interested in any of those women.'

'Oh... Oh. Um, King?'

'What?'

'You aren't gay, are you?'

'Where the hell'd that come from?'

'It's a valid question, Ichigo.'

'I'm not gay!'

'What about the pineapple guy?'

'Renji? No!'

'That blue kitty dude?'

'What? No! Even if I was gay, I wouldn't be with Grimmjow! What's wrong with you?'

'You sure?'

'He does seem to enjoy fighting with you a little too much...'

'Yes I'm sure! And if I'm gay, that makes you gay to, Ogihci!'

'Ha! he just admitted it! Pay up, Zanny!'

'What? I did not!'

'Fine. Here.'

'Yay! Candy!'

'For the love of Kami... Zangetsu, you do remember what happened last time, don't you?'

'Yes. Don't worry- It's sugar-free.'

'What'd you say, Zanny?' Ogihci questioned, his voice slightly muffled by the chewy candy he was shoving into his mouth.

'Nothing... So you're sure you're not gay?'

'Zangetsu!'

...

-Elsewhere-

"So, Orihime. What're you doing for Valentine's Day?"

Looking up at her friend, Orihime swallowed the apple wedge she had been chewing. "I don't know..."

"Hime-chan's all mine tomorrow!" Chizuru squealed, hugging Orihime and her two 'friends' from behind. "And no one's going to keep us apart!"

Tatsuki punched Chizuru's face, giving her a bloody nose, although that might not have been the only thing that caused it. "Back off! Even after all this time you still act like a dog in heat!"

"All... In the name of love..." she mumbled from her position on the ground, still focused on Orihime's 'friends'.

Tatsuki sighed, then turned to Rukia. "So, are you planning anything?"

"Well, I'm giving people Valentines if that's what you mean," the short black-haired girl replied, picking up a strawberry from the bowl and biting into it.

"Ooh, a strawberry." Tatsuki grinned. "What about Ichigo? You giving him anything... Special?"

"What do you mean?" Rukia asked, dumbfounded.

"You know," Tatsuki answered, giving her a wink.

"Tatsuki!" Orihime cried, shocked at what her friend was implying, turning red at the thought.

"What?" Rukia asked, still confused until she looked at Orihime, who was hiding her tomato-red face behind her hands. Her eyes widened in realization. "Oh, no no no no. Me and Ichigo- We aren't in that kind of relationship. Don't worry, Orihime."

"Sure, sure. Whatever you say," the tomboyish girl said. "So are you going to be giving anyone Valentines, Orihime?"

"Yep! I've still got to make them, though. Let's see... Kurosaki-kun, Uryu..." She trailed off. "Oh, and I've got to give him one to!"

Gathering her things, she stood and began to leave. "Sorry. I've got to get some things before the stores close. Bye Rukia! Tatsuki, Chizuru!" she said before running out of the room.

"Wonder who the other Valentine is for?" Tatsuki wondered aloud.

"Hime-chan! Wait up!" Chizuru cried, running after her Valentine, he possible broken, bleeding nose forgotten.

...

"Then Hat-and-Clogs!"

"NO!"

Zangetsu sighed. He was standing on his emo pole, while Ichigo chased Ogihci around, trying to slice him with his sword. The hollow was laughing his head off, trying to guess who Ichigo's Valentine would be.

"That nerd?"

"HELL NO!"

"No? What about the midget captain?"

"I'm not gay! You've been reading too many pervy manga volumes!"

"My manga books aren't pervy!" *

"Yes they are, Ogihci. Now, can you guys stop trying to kill each other?"

"Ooh, I know. That pirate guy!"

"Kenpachi? No!"

Ichigo abandoned his weapon, tackling his hollow and trying to pin him down. Ogihci was putting up a good fight, and managed to flip Ichigo off himself and onto his stomach. The albino sat on his back so he couldn't get up.

Zangetsu, looking at the two wrestling in front of him, gave a small smile before turning away. "Maybe you two should be each others Valentines..."

"NO!" they shouted in unison.

"What would that be called, anyways? Incest? Ma-"

"Zanny, if you value your manhood, don't finish that sentence."

"Fine."

The two twin-like boys resumed fighting, leaving Zangetsu to be his emo-y self.

...

"There! Finished!"

Orihime sat back to look over her handiwork.

"Perfect! I'm sure they'll love them." She looked to the Valentine sitting off to the side and picked it up. "I hope he likes his..."

The clock on the wall chimed. She looked up. "It's that late? Bedtime..."

...

Ichigo had returned to his material body a short while ago and was now lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Ogihci was still trying to guess who he liked, his guesses becoming more and more absurd. They now sounded like the crack-pairings from fanfics.

How to spend Valentine's Day...

'The bald guy!'

'SHUT UP!'

Ichigo took in a deep breath, deciding that sleep would be the best option. At least then his idiotic hollow wouldn't bother him.

...

-The Next Day (Valentine's Day)-

As soon as Ichigo arrived in his classroom, he found several Valentines sitting on his desk. Looking at the gifts, he saw that all but one were from his friends. Rukia, Tatsuki, Orihime... Then one said 'From the Person You Don't Expect'. That one was shaped like a strawberry, and the handwritting was messy, more like a guys than a girls. The ink was red, and looked like... Blood. Smelt like it, too. Grimacing, he set it back down.

'Who's that from, King?' Ogihci said in a teasing voice.

'I don't know. Now be quiet.'

"ICHIGOOOOO!" Keigo came bounding into the room, only to be clothes-lined by the orange-haired teen.

"Morning, Keigo."

Looking around, he saw that the rest of his classmates were exchanging cards and chatting. His friends were off to the side, talking.

He walked up to them. "Hey, thanks for the chocolate."

"No problem, Ichigo," Rukia said cheerfully. "I still don't really know what this holiday is about, though."

Ichigo sweat dropped. "That's... Nice."

"Hey, Orihime," Tatsuki said, cutting in. "Are you going to tell us who that other Valentine was for?"

"Um..." Orihime started, glancing nervously at Ichigo,who didn't seen to notice.

"Yeah, come on. Tell us, Orihime," Rukia said, grinning.

"It-It's not important now!" she said, turning a bit pink. "Don't worry about it!" she darted to the other side of the room before anyone could ask anymore questions.

"What's up with her, I wonder?" Ichigo said to no one on paticular.

'You really are oblivious, Ichigo,' Zangetsu said.

Ogihci giggled. 'Baka.'

'Oh shut up.'

...

-In Las Noches-

Ulquiorra entered the Espada meeting room, heading over to his usual seat and sitting. It was then that he noticed what was sitting on the table in front of him. Grimmjow, who had entered right after him, noticed it as well.

"What... Is this?" the Cuatro said, looking at the red box in his hands in confusion.

"Hey, Emo Boy got a Valentine!"

"Valentine?"

"Look it up later. I gave one to someone too..."

Ulquiorra flipped the Valentine over. "From the woman..."

Starrk walked in, on the verge of falling asleep again. He noticed the red, heart shaped box in Ulquiorra's hands and grinned. "Looks like someone's got an admirer."

Ulquiorra frowned, but kept the chocolates.

* - I forgot to mention this before, but the mangas that Ogihci has been reading in the earlier chapters have been either Yaoi, Yuri, or Het. Not sure what or which ones. You choose.

A/N- Please don't hate me for putting that Ulquihime bit in there. I just had to. I think Ogihci and Zangetsu might've gotten one of the parings right on accident, if you caught that part.

The race to guess who Ozzy's owner is is still on! No more hints, but I will say that no one's guessed right yet, although some people were closer than others with their guesses... Still a long ways off, but getting closer.

Review!