CHAPTER 37
-:- Let Not the Sun Go Down On Your Wrath-:-
I LEFT CARLISLE WITH a heavy heart, trusting he would bring Charlie safely back to Leah and Sue—back to his home. When Carlisle asked me where Bella was, the look on his face shattered me. There was disappointment mixed with terror as his gaze scanned the horizon watching everything that was happening all around us. He panned over to me, and with a quick examination his eyes landed on my left hand.
"I'm all right," I assured him. "It's nothing." He was unscathed, it seemed, but his worry over everyone else was first and foremost in his mind.
"Edward—"
"The others?"
"Fine when I left them. Esme was..." He turned his head back to the fighting. "She was with Rose and Emmett." From his thoughts, I could see she had taken a few knocks he wished he could have protected her from, but she was unharmed when he left her.
Felix had brought his fighters, and they were just as formidable as the family, but Maria's numbers still outweighed ours. We were losing, and we both knew it. With the death of Charlie, this battle was beginning to sacrifice much more than we had prepared ourselves for. Bella was supposed to be here, ending this and protecting us from these meaningless deaths.
"Go," Carlisle said to me. "Find her!"
Those two words were the only thing I heard as I ran up the ridge toward Bella. Soon the mantra was overpowered with thoughts of Charlie and the rhythm changed to a combination of the only thing I could cling to. Charlie—Dead—Find her—Charlie—Dead—Find her. If I thought of anything else, I'd be overwrought with a fusion of sorrow and anger.
Carlisle's last words felt like blame, even though I knew they weren't. I should have been able to stop Bella and her need for vengeance. Without having to voice it, I felt his frustration with the both of us. It's what drove me forward, knowing it wasn't Bella I was seeking anymore, but her own demons that demanded this reckoning at the cost of everything in our lives. This wasn't Bella, and I wanted to prove to Carlisle that she was better than all of us.
It should have ended with Emilia's death. This should have ended with Bella.
As I ran up the ridge, I felt the all too familiar guilt settling in while I tried to ignore the screams coming from below. A desperate cry from Rosalie crossed through my mind, and I hesitated but only for a moment. Somewhere down in that smoke, Emmett was losing a battle. Surrounded by more adversaries than he could handle, I had to hope the others would save him. I pushed the thoughts of the rest of my family out of my head. I didn't know if they were alive, but I couldn't afford to look, because there was nothing I could do to help them. There was only one option to save us all and me running back down to the field was not it.
The one for the many.
Protect my brother. I said a prayer and pressed on.
Edward, Jacob's voice found me. It startled me when I heard it, I hadn't been expecting him to search me out, but I was pleased to hear him. The wolves were on their way back to join the fight. I breathed a short-lived sigh of relief when, through Jacob's eyes, I saw Jasper and Alice running with them unharmed. They were alive. Charlie was dead and none of them knew. They were not without loss of their own. Jacob's thoughts overflowed with grief. They echoed mine, but luckily he had no way of knowing that. To add Charlie's death to their grief would be a burden none of us could afford at this moment. If Jacob knew, all of the wolves would know and we needed them to not be weighed down by his death.
The wolves had found Emilia at the mouth of a cave, hidden in the hills. Protected by at least four dozen vampires—Maria had taken no chances—but she never fathomed the trepidation the wolves would stir up. When some of her vampires laid eyes on the fearsome pack standing alongside Alice and Jasper, their fear took over and their instinct for survival won out. Many ran, abandoning the bloodthirsty children to their own fate. The vampires who remained put up a worthy fight, but apart from a few, they were no match for seasoned wolves like Jacob and Paul.
Just as Jasper had predicted, it was sheer force and brute strength that got to Emilia. Jasper and Alice were a team to be reckoned with. Both with a one track mind to get their task over with as quickly as they could. It was like watching a well-choreographed routine as they worked their way closer to the immortal children. With the wolves clearing a path of destruction, they danced and tumbled until Jasper came face-to-face with the one he called Flora, Emilia's ward. She never raised her head, and never put up a fight. Letting go of Emilia's hand, she bent to her knees, and waited for Jasper to deliver her final punishment.
And then it was Alice left with Emilia.
It was swift and methodical. Not wasting any time, or relishing in her task, Alice delivered on her promise. The devil-child paid for what she did to Jasper.
No one celebrated the death of the children, it wasn't easy on any of them to destroy them, but as they caught sight of their human victims scattered on the floor of the cave—some half-alive, but most of them dead—there were no regrets about the mission they had been charged with. The children could not suffer to live in this world. Maria had turned them into merciless monsters, stripping them of any humanity they might have had at the tender age of six. They had to be abolished.
Jacob allowed me to see what had happened, how they worked in silence, carrying pieces of the destroyed vampires to a pyre Jasper had built. As they were finishing, Jasper caught sight of two immortal children hiding behind a boulder at the mouth of the cave. Before he could warn Alice, they launched themselves at her, teeth bared, ready to strike. I watched through Jacob's retelling the horror each of them felt as Alice fell to the ground trying to fend off the attack she wasn't ready for. It was Travis, one of the young wolves I never got to know too well, who was nearest to her. His teeth locked on to the nearest child, but the other one was quicker and stronger than he anticipated. The child had his arms around Travis before Alice could intervene, and crushed his ribs, shattering them. His death was swift, just like the attack, and before any of them had time to process it, more vampires came at them from the trees.
Alice yelled a warning, but the others were slow to react to her words with the death of one of their own. Embry, in shock and grieving for his training partner—the young one he swore to protect—was caught unawares and leapt a fraction too late. Three of the charging vampires caught him, slamming his body against a boulder until there was nothing left to break. The crunch and the pain from the force of it echoed in all of the wolves' ears, pushing them to be faster, fiercer and more ruthless. With a viciousness none of us had witnessed before, they tore the remaining vampires to shreds, not stopping until Jasper had to manipulate them into a forced sense of tranquility.
It was a brutal battle with two senseless deaths which Alice felt responsible for. Approaching Jacob, with outstretched arms, I saw through Jacob's memories the sorrow which graced her face, and I heard her pleas of forgiveness. And through Jacob, I saw how selfless he thought Alice to be. There was no reproach, none from the wolves, only the torment of having lost two brothers.
We're all comrades now, Jacob said to me as we both ran, heading in the same direction. Tell Alice when we see her again, there is no blame.
My heart couldn't hold anymore grief. Between Charlie, the wolves and whatever else was to come, I didn't think I was capable of carrying it all inside of me. It threatened to cripple me, but I kept on running, willing my feet forward. I knew true anguish, the kind that left you incapacitated, and this was not it. Not yet.
Going after Bella? Jacob said, as he finally caught up to me. The others are heading back to help. I figured you could use mine.
I didn't know how I was going to tell him about Charlie. I couldn't bring myself to do it. And then there was Bella...
She would hold me responsible. Not only did I cast the vote that ended his life, but I was there when he was dying. I could have saved him. How would I tell Bella her father was dead because of me? Charlie never wanted this life, and I never would have forced it on someone I loved and respected, but I could have given Bella her father for the rest of her existence. I had to hope Bella would understand that it was Charlie's decision to die a mortal death. Mirroring Jacob's words, I had to hope there would be no blame.
She's close. Jacob howled, hoping she would hear it.
Jacob didn't ask why Bella wasn't with me, or how we had been separated. He was focused on her scent just as I was. Seeing the chaos on the battlefield through the eyes of his brothers, we pushed harder and faster to get to Bella. Vendetta or not, she was the only who could stop this.
We were following a trail of demolition consisting of uprooted trees and craters as big as men. Bella had been fighting her way through more of Maria's army to get to her. She was moving fast, but I caught a glimpse of Bella's red T-shirt far down the other side of the ridge. She heard us, there was no way she couldn't have, but she continued to run. There was one thing I had on her though, I was faster than her, always had been, and always would be. She would not outrun me. There was proof in that because I was gaining on her, but no matter how much I pushed she was still out of my reach.
Leaving Jacob behind, I ran until I realized I couldn't run anymore. We were getting further and further from where she needed to be. If this continued there would be nothing left for us to go back to. She wasn't listening to my calls, or Jacob's howls, she just kept running and wouldn't stop. My chest was hurting as frustration filled my every thought. Anger took over, and with my jaw tense and my fists clenched, I uprooted a tree hurling it as far as I could, while I yelled out in desperation.
"CHARLIE'S DEAD!"
It wasn't how I wanted to tell her, or Jacob, but Bella didn't give me a choice. She was ruled by vengeance with a one track mind, and I knew the damage it could do. There wasn't a day gone by since Bella had returned I didn't think about Victoria. Blinded by anger, I wasn't rational. If I had left Victoria alive, and listened to my head instead of my heart, maybe I could have saved Bella from all of this. I only saw red that day, which is exactly what Bella was seeing now.
Following the color of her shirt through the trees, she was still moving despite what I had just yelled. Behind me, I heard Jacob's pain, and the pain from all of the wolves as their collective minds processed the information. There was affliction in their howls; it could be heard far off in the distance. It was disarming, and I buckled from the weight of it all.
"Bella," I pleaded, looking down the ridge, "I can't." Laying my head in my hands, the panic settled in. I could see the lives of my family slipping through my fingers. It was all for nothing. Everything I had done for them in the last ten years was all going to end here and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Bella was beyond my reach. I wanted to scream, and let go of all this anger and desperation I was feeling. It had a hold around my heart and it was squeezing it dry. If this is how it would feel without any of them, I wanted to die alongside them.
Jacob nudged me, whimpering as he tried to get me to stand up. She's there, he said, urging me forward. His emotions were just as raw as mine. Edward...he said with a warning. She doesn't look herself. She looks...volatile. Raising my head, my eyes zeroed in on her at the bottom of the ridge. She had stopped a few hundred feet from us, but kept her back to us. She was gripping tightly to a tree, like it was the only thing holding her up.
"I'm sorry, Bella," I said, knowing she could hear me. My words paled in comparison to the regret I was feeling. Walking the remaining distance with my hands in the air, I continued with the apologies until I was only an arm's length away from her. I wasn't sure what I expected her to do, but just as Jacob had said, something in her posture told me she was unstable, like a grenade with its pin pulled. "I'm sorry about Charlie." My voice hiccupped. "I loved him, too." And I did, even if I hadn't admitted it until now. He was a one of the best men I ever knew and he didn't deserve any of this. None of these people did. "Don't let his death be in vain. Please..." She hadn't turned around. I watched as her chest heaved, like she was trying to get air into her lungs before she drowned in her own heartache. "We need you—I need you. They're going to die. Can't you hear what's happening?"
I hadn't touched her yet, afraid she was a mirage or maybe I was afraid Bella was gone from me for good, and in her place was the side of her that I didn't know; the one that terrified me more than anything. "Save them," I said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder while I held my breath. "Save our family, Bella."
Dropping her hands, I saw the dents in the tree trunk left behind by her fingers. She still hadn't looked at me. I wanted to see her face. I needed to see her eyes to know what she was thinking. She would be devastated, hurting beyond where I could reach her. She had lost Charlie, and she had almost lost Garrett, but how much of my Bella was here with us? Bella would never sacrifice the ones she loved for revenge. The Bella I loved would sacrifice herself before letting her anger rule her. I hoped some part of my Bella was still with me, and could challenge this Phoenix who seemed to forget why we were fighting. Not for revenge, but for peace.
My Bella would understand many for the one was not the way.
"Do you remember what you promised me in the meadow?" Her voice was low and full of malice. "You promised me Maria. You promised you'd give me my peace."
"And I said...I wouldn't fail you. But this is not the way."
Jacob had given us our space, but now his massive wolf form dwarfed her as he reached her side. Letting out a deep whine, he nuzzled her side, pushing her forward a little.
Tell her I'll kill the she-devil. Tell her I'll bring the bloodsucker back and lay her head at her feet.
"Jacob and I will make sure Maria pays. We promise she won't get away."
That's not what I said. He growled.
"I won't let you down, Bella, not ever again."
Her jaw was tense, and her eyes were still closed. She took one deep breath, slightly lifting the corner of mouth. "You won't," she whispered, turning her head toward me. When her eyes opened, it was like looking through a window into her pain. Hollow and clear, yet full of darkness, like she was half in this world and half in another. It chilled me to see her struggling so much, trying not to let her sorrow swallow her. Never once did I look away. My Bella was still there, and my heart soared when I saw her. Reaching out, she grabbed hold of Jacob's fur and my arm, squeezing tight to transfer some of her anguish to each of us. "I'll end this, but you have to end her."
She was gone before I could answer.
She'll do it, Jacob said to me and then passed the message to the other wolves that Bella was on her way. He let out an ear piercing howl before taking off in the direction of Maria's scent.
It wasn't hard to follow Maria's trail, but she had quite a head start on us. After all these months, I never would have thought I'd end up here with Jacob, the most unlikely of allies. His hatred of me spanned a decade, and now it was down to the two of us to give peace to the one woman who had fuelled our discord. She united us, giving us a common goal despite our predestined lives. If we survived this, maybe there was hope for a friendship between me and Jacob.
Is it me, or are we doubling back? Jacob asked.
"Dammit, we are." Maria was unpredictable. I knew where she was heading. "Garrett," I said. "Maria is going back for Garrett." It wasn't enough for her to lose, and escape. She wanted to hurt Bella, and cause her more pain than she would be capable of handling. Jacob growled. Like me, he knew Bella would never be the same if she lost both Charlie and Garrett.
We picked up our pace.
-:-
WHEN I LEFT THE clearing to go after Charlie, there had been no time to help Garrett. Having no other choice, I entrusted him to Isaac for safe keeping hoping Bella had been right about the little man. In his broken English he told me he would watch over Garrett, but that was far from a promise to keep him safe. The Haitian was a wildcard in all of this, and I was getting a sinking feeling in my stomach that he was the type of man who was only going to look out for himself first.
After a painful explanation of our process of healing to Jacob, we had to assume Garrett was still immobile.
Sorry, Cullen, but that's just wrong on so many levels. You're telling me he was decapitated, but he'll live.
"Partially. He was partially decapitated, and yes, he'll be able to heal himself as though it never happened. That's why you need to burn us. It's the only way to be sure."
Jacob continued his imaginings of limbs and other body parts wiggling all over the field below us. Soon, the other wolves chimed in with their aversions and it was a free for all, like something out of Frankenstein's laboratory.
"It's not like that."
Can you fix your finger? Jacob asked, noticing the missing digit.
Holding my hand up, I squeezed it into a fist feeling the absent finger. "If I can find it."
That's sick, man.
"I never said it wasn't," I said. "Come on, they should be just over the next ridge. Maria's there, I can hear her."
As we neared the top, we both were aware of the column of smoke coming through the trees. This time I would be smart about approaching the clearing unlike our last failed attempt. Jacob circled around to the other side, letting me know he would be my back up, hoping to surprise Maria with his presence.
Maria's thoughts were much easier to read than I would have expected. One such as her should have guarded them close, like Aro and the rest of the Volturi did. But she was an open book. Maybe she had never been around a mind-reader, or perhaps she no longer cared. She wanted Garrett dead, and she wanted to witness Bella's pain when she told her she had killed him.
"Two for the price of one," she said, turning her head toward the tree I was hiding behind. "Dear Edward, please join me."
"Isaac," I said, "where's Garrett?" He wasn't where I had left him, and my heart sunk as my eyes settled on the mound and the flames next to Maria.
"Shi want' im."
Maria kicked a log on the fire and sparks showered around the two of them. She laughed, a cold and wicked shrill that sent a shiver up my spine. Stepping out from behind the tree, my eyes never left Maria while I walked toward her. I had thought Maria was easy to read, but she wasn't. She had a one track mind, and she was giving nothing away as to Garrett's whereabouts.
"Isaac," I said again, through gritted teeth. "Where is he?"
"Gone," Maria said, raising her hands. "Poof!"
I recognized the acrid, burning stench of one of our own in the air. The clearing was empty though, and when I had left there were at least four bodies here which could account for the smell that was turning my stomach.
"What did you do, Isaac?" I asked him.
"You think Isaac is your ally?" Maria laughed, and the little man cast his eyes downward. The voice in his head was a mix of Patois and Creole. I wasn't sure exactly what he was thinking, but it was clear from the images he was trying decide whose side would benefit him.
"Yes, I do. Bella trusted you, Isaac, so did Garrett. You're their friend."
"Friends! Now I know where Phoenix got all this notion of love and loyalty. Your idealism is pedestrian. Isaac knows what rules people, don't you, Isaac? Show him."
Edward, we can take them both. Jacob's thoughts came loud and clear. Shaking my head slightly, I let him know to stand fast. We're wasting time. Garrett's gone. Let's end this and get back to the others.
There was something in the way Isaac was leaning, away from Maria that gave me hope. He kept glancing to the edge of the ridge, where there was a rock shelf. I caught a glimpse of an image of Garrett.
"He's alive, isn't he, Isaac?" I asked. "You saved him."
Dread. I felt it wash over me.
It wasn't here in the clearing, but I didn't know where it was coming from. It was an overwhelming sense of doom. Looking to Isaac, I wondered if this is what he did, if this is what it felt like when he used his power.
Edward—
It was one voice, but it heightened the dread I was feeling. "Isaac, don't do this." His head remained lowered while he stared at the fire.
Edward—
This time there was panic in that voice. Taking another step into the clearing, I sought out Jacob. "The rock shelf! Look there." Jacob heeded my plea and took off through the trees toward the edge of the ridge.
They are coming—
The voice was getting louder, affecting my concentration until it was impossible not to pay attention to it. I needed to know where it was coming from and I needed to know if it was real.
"Stop it!" I hissed and Maria laughed.
"It's dread-ful, isn't it? Placing that one idea, that one belief in your head. Tears you up inside. Let me guess...it has something to do with your precious Bella. Is she dying?" Her laughter spurned uncontrollable anger making it impossible to focus on what was real.
Grabbing the little man, I held him by the throat with his feet dangling in the air. "I said, stop it!"
He's here! Garrett's alive, he's whole, Jacob said, confirming with an image of Garrett lying on his side, semi-conscious and still unable to move.
When I looked into Isaac's eyes, I felt the weight of the dread again, but this time it felt different. Somehow I knew the fear wasn't fabricated, it was real. Isaac wasn't doing this. This was happening.
"Da Missus mi fren." He shook his head. "Mi not do that."
It was happening, because Maria was right. If Isaac was doing this and was the cause of all this turmoil I was feeling, he would know my worst fear was losing Bella. Somehow I didn't think he could use a multitude of fears and be selective about it.
It was Marcus I had heard. His voice intruded on my thoughts, and with him was the one person other than Bella I couldn't live without.
Edward, what is it? Jacob asked from the other side of the clearing.
"It's Carlisle," I said, hardly able to get the words out. Placing Isaac back on his feet, I apologized to him and glanced in Jacob's vicinity. "Tell the others to get to the compound! Now!"
"With whom are you talking?" Maria asked. Her expression had fallen, having put two and two together. "You can read minds? Is that your special talent?" Her face spread into a wide grin, the kind that looked like it would swallow me whole if given the chance. "This will prove very useful. I'm beginning to like you, dear Edward. Sparing you was a good decision."
Narrowing my eyes at her, I thought about ripping her head from her neck. There was no time to engage in this little cock fight she was inviting. Through Marcus's thoughts I watched as he and Carlisle stood side by side, ready to protect the humans in the compound from a new threat that had emerged.
"Aro sent the others," I said to Jacob. "They've come to destroy the victor. Either way, if it was us or Maria, Aro wanted everyone dead. Jane...Alec...they're at the compound."
The horror seemed to spread, engulfing me and it boiled over when I heard the next voice.
Edward, son, hear me. Hear my voice.
Screaming in frustration, I knew I was too far away to help. Only Bella could protect them from Alec and his ability.
"Isaac, you really are masterful in your work," Maria said, stepping away from us. "The Volturi...that's a nice touch." As soon as she had heard the name Aro, her plans had changed and she was getting ready to run.
Jacob stepped through the bushes, growling at Maria. One look at the enormous, legendary wolf working with me and doubt played in her head. Destroying us would have to wait. She knew when she was out matched, and she wasn't convinced Isaac was working his party tricks on me. She was genuinely frightened, and as her face paled, her thoughts filled with plans of escape.
"Give him a reason," I said to her, distracted by what was happening below on the field. "Just one and he'll end you piece by piece!" I was yelling now that the fear had settled into my heart as I waited for Carlisle to speak again.
Jacob snapped his jaws in her direction. I think we have plenty of reasons.
Clutching my head, I grasped at anything so as not to let the panic take over.
Go, Edward. I got this.
I knew Jacob would. He would have liked nothing more than to take down Maria, but it was my promise to Bella, and mine alone. I had to follow this through. Maria had every intention of fighting me; I could see it in her thoughts. It would be long and drawn out, and vicious. She was older and stronger than me, and she would do her best to cause some damage even if it meant fighting both me and Jacob. We didn't have time for this kind of fight.
You must remind Esme of the promise we made to each other. Carlisle's voice rang like church bells in my ears.
Carlisle. My breath hitched at his name as I fell to my knees.
You must do this, Edward. She made me a promise I intend her to keep.
"Carlisle!" I screamed. I was too far away. I was too far. I saw the whisper of mist encroaching them with the intentions to surround him and Marcus and the other vampires at their sides. It would reach them in minutes. There wasn't anyone who could defeat Alec's power, no one other than Bella. She had to be close. Where was she? Soon Carlisle would be masked in darkness without sight or sound or any of his senses. He would feel nothing and be vulnerable to anything that came his way.
"CARLISLE!"
Jacob's pack was too far, and without Bella there to stop Alec, they would fall under Alec's shadow just like the others. It was apparent how hopeless the situation was and how desperate I was becoming.
"You did this," I hissed. Rising to my feet, I leveled my eyes with Maria's. Jacob had her cornered and she wasn't going anywhere. "This is all your fault!" With my fists clenched at my side, my anger and rage boiled over removing all of my logic and sense. Maria's form vanished before my eyes, and in its place was the fiery red hair of Victoria's. My breaths were ragged and fast, coming out in sobs while I accepted the idea of losing the only father I had ever known. It was Maria's fault, or Victoria's. A vision of both women trembled like a holograph, changing from one to the other each time I tried to breathe an imaginary breath. It started with Victoria and it was ending with Maria. Two women who had destroyed the two very beings my entire life revolved around.
"What did we do to you? Why?" I asked, pleading to both of them, pleading to no one...pleading to God.
Edward, can you hear me?
"Yes," I said in a sob. I felt just as blind as Carlisle and Marcus.
My brother will not stop with us, Marcus said. He must be killed, Edward. With your help, I wanted to be the one. Now this task falls to you and your Isabella. Finish this for my love of Didyme. Finish this for yours.
"If you had just left us alone!" I saw Victoria. I saw Maria. "None of this would be happening. All this wasted life!"
"I see where she gets her bleeding heart from," Maria mocked. "It's you who doesn't get it. You can't live in both worlds. It doesn't work like that. We are predators. They are prey. It's in our nature to hunt, to feed, not to befriend, and certainly not to love."
"You're wrong," I said, through gritted teeth.
Edward Cullen! Jane's voice came thundering into my head. There were so many now it was becoming unbearable to concentrate. I know you can hear me. Aro would like you to know he has come to collect his debt. For the Volturi's aid, we take your payment.
"She's going to kill them," I whispered, grasping the sides of my head.
Who is? Jacob asked. Where's Bella?
"Jane. She's going to kill Marcus and Carlisle and everyone else. Bella's not there to stop it." My hands were tangled up in my hair, clenched in fists, like I was trying to hold in all of the thoughts I was hearing. I was afraid that I would miss one from Carlisle and he would slide away forever.
Maria started chuckling, a low and throaty victory laugh. She was nothing but a distraction now. As the cause of so many unnecessary deaths, her life was forfeit.
I heard him. He wasn't speaking directly to me, but he knew I was listening. Carlisle was praying. He was speaking to his own father, and asking him for forgiveness. It wasn't a desperate plea, but more of a conversation to let his father know how he tried to live up to a life worthy of his beliefs. He asked God to keep his children safe, to watch over us and keep us from harm. He prayed for Esme, that she would have the strength to go on without him, and lastly he prayed for me. Help Edward to see the kind of man he is, not the kind of man he hopes to become. He's already there, but has never understood that. Show him that he is worthy of the greatest kind of love, and please guide him with a tender hand so that he may guide the others in this life I have forced upon them. And lastly, I ask you to teach my daughter, Bella, how to be loved. She has been lost in shadow for so long and needs to be pulled into the light. Teach her it's okay to put her trust in love. Embrace her, like you embraced me.
This was what the crippling sorrow had felt like all those years ago. In this moment my sobs escaped me and couldn't be stopped. I ignored Jacob, and pushed away Maria's laughter, only focusing on the voice of a man who had outshined all others in his life, human or not.
He was quiet. There was darkness all around him; no sound, no sight, nothing but blackness. Up until now he had been calm, like he had accepted his death long before this moment, but now I felt the rise of his panic. Our roles had reversed, and for him, I willed myself to a state of serenity wishing desperately he could feel it even though I knew he couldn't. From this moment on, I would be the man he believed me to be. I would go forward with my head up and my eyes open carrying the same Grace as this man did for so many years. Taking a deep breath, I let the peace of Carlisle's words wash over me, and it settled into my heart lifting my sorrow.
Am I worthy?
"Yes, Carlisle," I whispered. "You always were."
As I felt his life being swept away from me, anger surged in my veins, and I leapt, springing to my feet in a fraction of a second. Maria didn't have time to blink before my arms were wrapped around her head. Her terror filled eyes bored into mine, but there was no time for her last thoughts. With a merciless snap, I fulfilled my promise to Bella.
Holding Maria's head in my hands, it felt familiar but so very different. I wasn't gasping for air this time, I wasn't panicking; I was composed and clear of thought.
Go, Jacob said. I got this.
As I started to run, I heard his howl pierce the night letting his brothers know of our tale of sorrow and triumph.
-:-
IT WAS EASY TO understand why I had held on to Bella for all those years. Deep down, a small part of me hidden away had always known she was still on this earth. Even when I tried to let her go, I couldn't, because we were tethered to each other.
Carlisle was gone to a place where I would never reach him again. This was the feeling I would have felt if Bella had been truly gone. Without a doubt, I knew Carlisle was no longer with me. His presence...the essence of who he was had been eclipsed and in its place was nothing but a cavern of nothingness. This was the difference I felt between Bella's death and now Carlisle's, and however inappropriate it was, all I kept thinking was that I should have known all those years ago.
Where would we be now if I had?
To say I would miss him as a father figure would be an injustice to him. My whole existence had revolved around Carlisle for so many years. Every decision I made always had him in mind and whether he would approve or not. And likewise, I realized, everything he ever did was for me. My mother, saving me, Rosalie...even Esme, he had done all those things to save me. The more I thought of this while I ran, the more I could hear the voice of Carlisle reasoning with me to move past my guilt. With each step I took comfort in his wisdom and the pain in my chest subsided. It felt as though there was a hand guiding me and pushing me faster while lessening the ache that had overwhelmed me. Maybe it washim, or maybe it was wishful hoping some part of him would always stay with me. Carlisle was the greatest man I would ever know, and the only thing left to do was to live up to the man he was and who he thought I was. I would be that man, or otherwise perish with the rest of them.
We didn't make it! I heard Alice's cries in my head, screaming what I already knew. He's gone! Edward, we didn't make it!
Alice had found Bella, and together they had barreled on to the field minutes too late only to find the column of smoke and the triumphant smile on Jane's face.
What did you do? Alice was yelling at Jane, her hands clenched in her hair.
Payment. Jane shrugged. It was the agreed upon price. Aro would like your cooperation or the rest of them will share Marcus and Carlisle's fate. My master said I could take my pick, so I'll be certain to start with the Southern Major.
We will kill you, Alice said. Let's be certain of that.
Jane turned to Alec. Dear brother, she said, make them cooperate.
It was like being forced to watch a masterclass horror movie for the second time. Through Alice's eyes, I saw the same wisp of a mist encroach its way toward Bella and Alice. Soon it would engulf them both just as it had Marcus and Carlisle. It was a chance we had taken with Bella's powers and whether or not she would be immune to them or even be able to stop them. A risky chance we never got the opportunity to test and it looked like we never would.
Bella had shut down. She had fallen to her knees, staring through the smoke to the crumpled rocks where we had found Charlie. His blood could still be seen on the rock we had lifted from his crushed body. Her eyes held a ghostly expression, the same one I recognized from Garrett's memories of when she had first been turned. She had checked out, just like she had then and nothing Alice was saying was getting through to her.
Bella! Alice choked out. Come on. Stay with me. Edward's on his way. You are on your way, right? Please, Bella, do something!
"Get up, Bella," I said to no one as I ran. "Fight back, dammit. Don't do this to me. Fight!" My words were useless as were Alice's.
The mist had made its way to them and within seconds Alice's world had gone black.
Edward! I can't see! Alice's panicked voice hit me hard, like a punch to the stomach. Where are you?
Alice was immersed in the same darkness that had consumed Carlisle. I could no longer see Bella, or Jane or anyone else, I could only hear Alice's terrified voice pleading to Bella to help her. The only thing I had left to do was to pray to whomever was listening, hoping Carlisle or someone would answer my prayers. "Please don't take them. Carlisle, you were worthy enough for all of our penance. Spare them, please."
Even though I wanted my Bella, she needed to be Garrett's Phoenix right now. She was the fighter, the one with little remorse and the one who could compartmentalize her emotions. She was the one who terrified me, but she was also the one that was necessary for this battle.
Could one exist without the other? I asked myself. And if they could, how would we survive without them both?
As I came up over the last ridge, my eyes caught sight of the massacre below; red mixed with brown and gray as far as the eye could see. Bodies were burning and the air was thick with black smoke. The battle had been brutal, and after all that fighting our family had managed to stay alive. Now they would be lambs for the lions. With Alec's power rendering them without sight, or sound, they couldn't defend themselves and they would be ready for the taking. Jane and the rest of Aro's vampires would destroy them all.
"Carlisle," I whispered and held my breath for a few seconds before continuing, "I believe in you. I believe in your faith, please don't prove me wrong." There was a moment where I waited for his voice to find me, to soothe me and tell me it was going to be all right. I searched for it amongst all the others, looking for his logic and understanding because none of this was making sense anymore. He was always my impenetrable rock when everything was crumbling to dust. Without him, there was nothing I could hold on to. It wasn't Bella who was going to be left alone, it was me. I had spent the last ten years trying to save my family and do right by them and it had all been in vain. We had finally found a place where we were accepted, where we almost had it all, and this is how it would end.
Jane signaled to the guards surrounding her. "Our orders are to destroy the rebel's army. These two," she pointed to Alice and Bella, "Aro wants. The other Cullens are yours to do with as you like. Let's not disappoint him."
"Jane!" I yelled down to her. If this was our end, I was going with them.
She glanced up in my direction, and I could see her smile even at this distance. Edward, Aro did extent his invitation to you. You may join us if you like. I believe the deal was one hundred years of servitude. However this insubordination will not go unpunished.
Her guards were almost to Bella and Alice. "Please..." I whispered one more time to myself. "I'm begging you."
Before I finished my plea the mist near Alice and Bella started to diminish. Through Alice's eyes, I saw what she was seeing: Bella still kneeling with her long, dark hair veiled around her face. She was breathing heavily, her chest pumping up and down while her hands were flattened on the ground, pressing into the dirt. With a slow and deliberate shift of her head, Bella lifted her chin and stared right through Alice. She looked nothing like the girl Alice had always known her to be. There was fire in her eyes and a coldness Alice was shocked to find. It caused her to shiver and take a step away from her.
Bella, she gasped, but it wasn't Bella. This was the volatile woman Jacob and I had witnessed deep in the forest. The pin had definitely been pulled, and it was only a matter of seconds before it exploded.
She started to rise and as I watched her movements, I felt a connection, a bridge being forged between my thoughts and another's, as though someone was pushing their way into my brain, poking around and trying to get me to see what they were seeing. As Bella stood straight and tall with her hands fisted at her sides, I understood what this was. Whether she had intended to or not, Bella was sharing a part of herself with me, the part I never had access to before. For the first time, I was able to see and hear her thoughts and she was taking me back to the beginning, to the first time she had laid eyes on me in the cafeteria. To her, I was perfection. It was not the same vision I saw when I looked in the mirror.
She showed me of the time I saved her from Tyler's van and how dangerous she thought I was. She let me feel her frustrations with me when I avoided her and wouldn't answer her questions in the little Italian restaurant. I saw her memory of me when she had first seen my skin in the sunlight and how beautiful she thought it was. I was seeing it all, and sharing her feelings as she remembered those days.
Warmth started to spread from the base of my neck down the length of my body, drowning out the sorrow of the last few hours. I heard exactly what she heard when I played her lullaby for the first time. I smiled along with her for the melody was different; it seemed livelier, and more delicate than I could ever play. We shared in the memories of love, laughter, and yellow-polka dot bikinis. Ripped from the bloodshed and transported to a meadow filled with flowers and sunshine. We were together just like the first time when she was still human. There was a longing between us and a sense of being found. Until that moment she hadn't felt like she belonged anywhere, that she wasn't somebody until I loved her. I wanted to shout out at her that she always was somebody, it was me who hadn't been living until I found her. I was swept away in sharing the delight of her memories. The fragrant flowers and the dew in the grass smelled like spring. The sun was on my skin, shining like diamonds exactly how Bella remembered that day. We were there in the meadow together, and then in the next instant the sun disappeared and in came the darkness.
Black clouds and cold winds rushed in and raindrops were tearing at my skin. I had been hit with the force of a dozen blows as she ripped my heart out and stomped on it in the dirt; the very same ground where I had left her in the woods all those years ago. Only this time, it was her telling me I was a distraction, that she didn't love me and she was leaving me.
I never knew the extent of how much I hurt her. As I crawled up into a little ball, feeling every wound and insult I had ever inflicted on her, I was reliving her memories and feeling her despair. I felt her abandonment when Charlie gave her back to her mother. Every broken bone and shattered rib tore at me with unimaginable pain as Laurent came at us leaving us to beg for our death. Our thoughts turned vicious and desperate trying to understand the insatiable hunger that was now a part of us. And when temptation gave in, we hated ourselves for who we had become. With every drop of blood we drank, what was left of us and who we were faded. We were becoming strangers all over again, lost to each other.
The weariness had found its way inside of us, and with it the news of Charlie's death helped spark doubt in our heart. There was no virtue left in this world and when Carlisle fell, it ignited a hatred so deep it was too much to contain. Bella's memories were wreaking havoc on the both of us. She was having a difficult time distinguishing between what was real and what was false memory, it was becoming too much for her to hold on to both. She knew she had to let go of something to be set free. As she started to shut off her emotions, it was easy to see the decision she had made. She began to recall the images of the carnage she had witnessed in Maria's caves and the killings she had partaken in without remorse. Violence surged around her as she remembered how she came to be here.
In a matter of seconds she had gone from a happy and naive school girl in love who wanted to challenge the world, to a woman who only knew of abandonment and unimaginable suffering.
One by one I saw the deaths of every one of us on this field, but it was from her hand, not from Jane's or Maria's. It was our kind she held accountable for all this decay and disgrace. We were a plague on this earth, an existence that never should have been possible. Bella was only seeing the monsters we had become, forgetting we had the potential to behave as humans. Her grief and sorrow had laid a stone egg of loneliness in her heart and it was growing and festering into so much hatred. It was about to hatch and with it would come the end of everything; a ruination of us all.
The connection broke like an elastic band snapping, and as it retreated it took all of Bella's desolation with it. Gasping, the heaviness lifted and with a deep breath the world filled with color again.
Bella focused on Alice's eyes. Her blood red lips parted with a whisper. Tell Edward I'm sorry.
For the briefest of moments, the air around the two of them went still. Alice slowly raised her arm to see the hairs on it standing on end.
Run.
It was all Alice needed to hear to understand what was about to happen. She took off running in the direction of the family, screaming at them to move and get to safety.
Watching helplessly from the cliff, I saw a shimmer in the air surrounding Bella, like when the pavement gets too hot in the summer and the air dances on top of it. Only this time it was dancing around Bella.
I hadn't realized I was yelling her name as I ran, not until my voice went hoarse.
Time seemed to stop.
There were no noises being carried on the wind. In those few seconds the entire field had become a vacuum where air and sound did not exist, nothing but bodies trapped in time. There was only a gentle zephyr which surrounded Bella, an exhale which lifted her hair ever so slightly away from her face. Then in the span of a breath came a sudden, devastating surge which originated from the core of Bella. The power leapt out of her like an explosion of wind leveling everything and everyone in its path.
I was still several hundred yards away, but the sheer force of the blast knocked me on my backside, slamming me into a few trees before I came to a rest.
It took me some time to figure out what had happened. As I lay on the ground assessing the damage and seeking out word of the others, I remembered an entry in Bella's journal of the first time she encountered Maria. Something similar had happened, but it was nothing compared to this. There was no way of knowing Bella had that kind of power inside of her. These were circumstances that were beyond what the mind could accept, and Bella had fractured under the pressure of it.
Afraid to look but knowing I needed to get to her, I leapt to my feet and then stopped dead in my tracks. It looked like a nuclear bomb had gone off, only there had never been an explosion. There were no charred trees, or burning embers, but everything that had been standing including the wall of the compound was razed to the ground. Bella stood in the middle while the world around was stagnant.
She had sent the force of her power out, attacking everything and anyone in her vicinity, and now she held them all in her thrall, including our family. None of them could move. They lay where they fell, relying upon her mercy. I knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of her ability, but that was when Bella was aware of what she was doing. From the expression on her face, she was somewhere else and the only thing she was focused on was delivering a definitive day of reckoning.
There was no remorse as she took her first slow, calculated steps toward Alec and Jane. Their bodies lay motionless, stuck behind the strength of Bella's power. Despite knowing his fate, Alec seemed calm and accepting while his twin was the antithesis of him. Jane tried to fight back, attacking her with no success. I could hear her frustrated screams as she threatened Bella with inevitable death, but the only deaths that were forthcoming were Jane and Alec's. Her cries did nothing to stop Bella.
As she walked toward them, she reached down and broke off a large branch from one of the downed trees. The fires had been put out with the fury of the tempest, but the pitch on the field remained. With the fluidity of a dancer, Bella reached into her pocket, pulled out a lighter flicking it open and threw it at the sticky, black tar. It lit with a whoosh, inciting new fear in Alec and Jane's voices.
Bella didn't even hesitate as she dipped the branch into the flame, and then strode to where Alec and Jane lay helpless. Their black robes first caught fire and it wasn't long before their bodies were swallowed up in an inferno. They howled and thrashed against the invisible chains as the flames burned them alive. The sound of Jane's screams shook my spine and rattled my ear drums, but Bella did not falter. She proceeded to do the same with the other vampires who had come with the intention of killing us. Never pausing, and never looking twice, it wasn't long before two dozen fires burned with thick blackish-purple smoke. She was burning them all alive and it didn't look like she had any intention of stopping.
"Bella!" I yelled, running toward her. She didn't hear me, or she didn't acknowledge me, whichever it was, she continued on her mission. I had been outside of her path of destruction thankfully, and wasn't trapped like the others by the power in her mind. "Bella, that's enough," I said when I was only a few feet from her. She had worked her way through Jane's vampires and was starting in on the vampires I recognized who had fought with Marcus and Felix. "Stop! It's enough!" I reached for her arm and spun her around.
She was a stranger to me, and I to her. Her face was vacant of everything I loved about Bella. Death was present in her mind without me having to read her thoughts. I moved to reach for her hand with the flaming branch, but she pulled back from me with questioning eyes.
"Are you going to kill us all?" I asked. "Is that your answer? Are you going to hunt us down until we're gone? Will that make it all go away? It wasn't our kind that made the world this way. Everyone's accountable." I took another step closer, thinking I was getting through to her. "It's over, Bella."
In one swift motion, she turned from me sending the force out of her, ensnaring me just like the others. Her power had grown, and was still growing. It had taken over her will and with it came a reigning apocalypse that would kill us all.
"I know this isn't the life you deserved!" I called out to her. "You deserved so much more than me. You should have had a human life, one where you could marry and have children. A peaceful life with no monsters, and no one trying to kill you. But we're not the only monsters, Bella. I'm sorry," I choked out. "I'm so sorry for ruining the life you were supposed to have. I never should have loved you, but I did. I do, Bella. If I needed to breathe, I would tell you I couldn't whenever we're apart."
She kept moving away from me, and as she walked there was no misjudging her intentions: she was determined to destroy them all, lighting them up one by one with no regards to who they were. She was headed to the end of the field where Alice and the rest of the family had managed to escape to.
"Bella!" I screamed. "I know you can hear me! Don't do this. I know you're in there. Fight it. I need you to believe in this world and the life we can have in it together. You showed me all the light and goodness this world can be. You shared it with me, and I need you to remember that. Come back to me, Bella." Nothing I was saying was working. It wasn't getting through to her.
Edward, stand up to her! Rosalie screamed at me. Make her see!
"I once told you I was selfish, Bella. I am, but you're selfish too!" It was a risky choice of words, but Rosalie was right. I had to change tactics. "We've done everything to make you feel a part of this family. To feel loved, but you keep pushing us away. It's you who refuses to let us in. Yes, I was the coward who walked away from you all those years ago, we both know that. I gave up, but now you're giving up. This is the coward's way. It's not about you or me anymore. Whatever you're thinking, whatever despair has filled your thoughts, it's a lie. This is not our end."
We were gathering an audience. The humans who had survived had started to come out from behind the fallen compound walls. They were battered and bruised and some of them still bloody, but all I kept thinking was that they were alive. Seth was leading them over the rubble with Ben and Tyler helping. To know they had survived was a bittersweet reward. We had faced so much death today and Bella was determined to add to the long list.
She had reached Tanya and Eleazar. Standing over them, she was ready to set them ablaze. It would take only a wave of the branch, and their lives would be over. Everyone was screaming inside my head, but I pushed them aside, knowing I only had room for one person in my thoughts.
"Bella," I said, "look behind you. Look what you did. You saved them. They're alive because of you. I'm sorry about Charlie, he didn't deserve to die. I was there with him and he was proud of you. He was happy. He said his life felt complete again when he saw you alive. He wanted me to tell you he never gave up, and he didn't want you to give up. Goddammit, Bella, listen to me! Listen to what Charlie wanted."
My eyes bored into the back of her head hoping she would turn around. I watched her face with the help of Tanya. Her eyes flickered in recognition when I mentioned Charlie.
Keep going, Edward, Tanya said. Keep talking.
"Carlisle loved you, Bella. I was with him, too. You were in his last thoughts. He wanted you to step out of the shadows and allow yourself to be loved. You're not alone. Why haven't you realized this, Bella?" I was struggling to get the words out. Maybe it was because we had an audience, or maybe it was because I didn't think it was working, that she was so far beyond my reach whatever I said wouldn't matter.
"It's always been you," I said. "Always will be..."
Her shoulders relaxed, but I held my breath watching and waiting until I knew for absolute certainty she had returned to us. The voices of everyone around us had nestled inside my brain, a plethora of pleas to keep talking to her.
"You're the one who saves us," I whispered and waited. "You're the one who saves me."
The weight pressing down on my body slowly subsided, releasing its hold on me and everyone else. Bella started to collapse, but I was there to catch her before she fell. Dropping to my knees, I cradled her in my arms whispering my love while I rocked away her cries. I kissed away her sadness and held her until she stopped trembling. She was mourning, we both were, but she was gasping for survival as well. Sapped of all her energy, we lay on the ground with destruction all around us, and ignoring the others as they struggled to come to terms with had just happened. I felt Bella's response to life and not the despair that taken hold of her heart and didn't want to let go.
We slowly rocked, holding tight to each other until the sun came up. However long it was when she finally lifted her head, I saw the Bella I fell in love with looking back at me. Eyes, innocent and wide and so deep I could drown in them.
"You're back," I said and smiled.
"I heard them," she whispered. "At least I think it was them. Charlie and Carlisle. I heard them calling to me..." Her voice trailed off as she let her words sink in. "I'm so sorry, Edward." She squeezed my arm. "I didn't save him."
"I'm sorry about your father. I couldn't—He didn't want to be—"
"I know," she said. It was her way of telling me I wasn't responsible for not saving her father.
We had lost so many. The holes left by Charlie and Carlisle would never be filled. Grief was rife in the air, and so were some accusations. Was Bella to blame? I sighed, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. I truly didn't know. She did what she thought was right. She went after the one person who had ruined her life, thinking Maria's death would save her from herself. Her idea of retribution would have destroyed us all. Carlisle would have called it fitting of God's wrath. Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.
"She's gone," I said, stroking her hair.
"But it's not over, is it?"
"No," I said, remembering Marcus' final thoughts. "Aro will come." She felt vulnerable in my arms. To think she could have been the slayer of us all, and now she was so incredibly fragile I wanted to protect her from every hurt and shadow that threatened her harm. I wished I could tell her this was it, that there would be no more cause to fight, but in this new world the battles would be inescapable. The world was dangling precariously on a thin line, Carlisle and Marcus both had known it was only a matter of time before someone new came along and challenged the order of things. The way things were shaping up, it seemed we were destined to become its protectors.
The subtle shift in Bella's posture told me she understood this as well. There were two extremes to Bella, just as Carlisle had known there were to me as well. She wouldn't let go of her warrior side, not until the threats against the ones she loved were eliminated. Bella had her own monster who rested below the surface of herself and maybe together we could help each other keep them the other's at bay. She brought out the best in me, and my family was diligently reminding me as they skirted around us that I did the same for her. Equals in every way.
"Garrett?" she asked.
Lifting her chin, I pointed to the upper crest of the ridge where Jacob and Garrett were slowly making their way down.
I hear she kicked some ass. He expressed his gratitude, and then his condolences for Charlie and Carlisle. His next words came as somewhat of a surprise, but they seemed fitting nonetheless. Charlie was her father, but I'm her maker. Consider me the closest thing she has to family, Edward. It'll be me who walks her down the aisle, and it'll be me who gives her to a worthy man. I never thought I'd like you, pretty boy, but then no one's really good enough for her. I've come to realize...you might be close. And don't worry, the wolf found your finger.
"Yes," I said laughing, and gave him a nod, "I think he's going to be fine."
Relief swept through Bella and she let out low moan. "So many," she said. "Do we know? Did I?"
"I'm not sure how many. Felix took a count before they left, and he said they lost over half." I didn't tell her that a few were by her hands. She knew, and she didn't need to be reminded of it by me.
"Embry and Travis were attacked going after Emilia. Tanya and Kate..." I sighed, "lost their sister. Irina's gone." Tanya was keeping her melancholy close, but I recognized the sign of settling scores taking root in her heart. She didn't want consoling, not from Eleazar or Carmen and she refused to go back to the compound with them. There was blame in her thoughts. It was subtle, but it was enough for me to want to protect Bella from Tanya's condemning glares. Bella had almost burned her, and she wasn't about to forget that so soon, nor would she forget the death of Carlisle or her sister.
We were all raw, and without having the ability to shed any tears it was hard to let some emotions go. Time. Carlisle's words echoed in my head, helping me to dismiss my fears. There wasn't much I could cling to, but I could hold tight to time and let it heal our wounds. We were going to need each other to get through what lay ahead of us. We needed to be united, and hopefully Tanya would see that, but for right now she had earned her anger.
"And the compound?" Bella asked.
"Some got through, Seth said, but most of our people were safe in the bunker. Marcus and..." I swallowed, not sure if I was ready to say his name, "Carlisle...stopped them in time." She took my hand and kissed the palm. I was being strong for her, but that gesture was about to undo me.
"Please, for the love of God, someone tell me if Newton was bit." Emmett had found his way over to us, deciding our solitary time was over. This time I appreciated his ill timing. "I cannot handle an eternity with that guy."
Bella started to laugh, and then gasped when she saw him. "Emmett! Your arm."
"Aw, it's nothing. Just a scratch. And don't worry," he held up the detached appendage, "it's not my wrestling arm."
Rosalie smacked him on the side of the head. "It was funny the first time, not the eighth. Fix it, or I'll burn it."
"Aw, Rosie, you have such a way with words," Emmett kissed her, "but having one arm would put a damper on a lot of things." He wriggled his eyebrows up and down, and once again I was privy to an onslaught of inappropriate images from the two of them.
"Stop it, both of you," I said, giving them both disapproving looks. "Em, you'll be happy to know Newton has a pulse. I can hear his whining from here."
Everyone had started to gather around us, and as I pulled us to our feet, Alice ripped Bella from my arms, sweeping her away to assess damages and hug her until she was sure it was her Bella back with us.
Did you see her? Alice asked. She was magnificent. Terrifyingly beautiful. How did I not see she had it in her?
How did none of us see what Bella could do? She had the potential to destroy an indestructible species, and Alice never saw it coming. 'Terrifyingly beautiful' didn't quite cover it, and that's not including the bridging a connection between us that I never thought would be possible. When we had some time to ourselves again, I'd ask her how she did it, but only when I knew she was ready. I did not intend her to relive the last few hours right now. It was something we would have to explore eventually. She would need to tap into her potential to get control of it so this never happened again. It's what Carlisle would have asked us to do, I was certain.
I caught sight of Jasper with Esme nestled into his side. There were deep lines etched across his face. It was evident he was working overtime trying his best to help anyone who needed it, and from the looks of us we all did. He was suffering and taking on everyone else's too.
I'm all right, he reassured me, I can at least do this for them. For Esme.
As I embraced Esme, I tried to convey all of my feelings of hope and love for her. Whispering in her ear, I told her how I was with Carlisle until the end and how his thoughts were of her. I retold it exactly as it happened, pressing upon the promises they made to each other. I didn't ask what they were; I didn't feel it was my place. I could only guess, and when she hugged me back I knew I had been right. Esme was to go on without him, no matter how difficult it would prove to be. She would be our mother in the truest sense, taking care of us just like he hoped she would. Neither of them had wanted their children to have to grieve the deaths of two parents, so she would fulfill her promise, and together she would guide us to live a life worthy of Carlisle Cullen and all that he embodied.
Looking over the top of Esme's head, I saw that Bella had pulled away from Alice. She was watching us, hesitant to join us, but I could tell she wanted to speak with Esme. I held out my hand for her, but she shook her head, and then looked at the ground.
"It's okay," I comforted her. "She's not thinking like that." I smiled at Bella as Esme turned to face her. It took two strides and then Esme held Bella close to her consoling her when it should have been the other way around. There was no blame in Esme's heart, there wasn't any room for it. She was filled with Carlisle's compassion and her own strength which would see her through the demanding days ahead.
Bella started to back away, and for a moment we all thought she was going to run. She was processing something; I recognized the look in her eyes. I could only hope her courage stayed with her. Just as Esme went to reach for her again, Bella's hands went up to her neck and she pulled the chain out from under her muddied, red T-shirt.
"Esme," she said, "Do you remember what you said when you gave this to me?" She held out the necklace with the piece of stone from my wall hanging on the end of it. Esme's hands were shaking as she brought them to her mouth and gasped. She nodded, and held back a tiny sob. "You said we were kindred spirits, you and I. That we both had been abandoned by love, or more importantly we believed we had. You told me Carlisle was lost to you once and it was the darkest of days for you. But he came back, just as Edward came back to me." Bella reached for my hand, while her other one still held the necklace in the air. "You gave me this stone to keep me grounded, so I wouldn't forget what I had once lost, so I wouldn't abuse the gift of love. You said this to me when all I wanted to do was run away." She paused, looking down at her feet. "He spoke to me," she whispered. She looked up at us, and there was regret in her eyes. "It didn't make sense before, but it does now. He said, 'When the sharp edges are smooth, then it will be time.' I think he meant this." She placed the necklace in Esme's palm, the chain coiling around the stone as it dropped in her hand. "He wanted you to have this back, Esme, as a reminder. He'll be waiting for you, but only when you're both ready. Goodbyes are not forever, you'll find each other again."
As I listened to Bella talk of love and hope, I felt the ache in my heart start to lift away. There was something about that wall which held some divine power over all of us. 'Know God. Know Peace.' Those were the words that lead me to Carlisle that day, and those were the words that lead him back to Esme. Carlisle had found his God, and now I truly believed he had found his peace. A part of him had always felt responsible for what happened to the world ten years ago. Travelling from settlement to settlement and helping those who needed his care was his way to make up for it. He would have helped every one of them, but instead he chose to help us. I wondered if there had been more to Carlisle's plan to come back to Forks than he ever let on. We had been nomads for so long, never accepted wherever we went, always alone. But here, Carlisle knew this was the one place where someone knew what we were, the one place we could be honest again. Maybe he took a chance, hoping in a dream that had never existed in our thoughts before. The world had changed, and maybe Carlisle had hoped the hearts of men and wolves had, too.
It was a thought I would carry with me for many years to come, and as I looked around at the scattered remnants of our army it was a thought I would welcome often. Here on this wasteland amongst the smoke and fires and ash, vampires, wolves and humans grieved and celebrated as one. We were bloodied but we were not broken. We might never have our perfect piece of forever, but this was a home where we could seek it out. There was a lot to rebuild, but the foundations were still here. For the first time in our lives we were not alone in this, and together we would face the coming dawn united as one.