"You'd think a recently liberated High Lord who was away from his city for 50 years would—I don't know— go out and enjoy it instead of moping around and doing busy work"

"Yes because repairing relations with the other Solar courts isn't necessary at all. Just something I like to do in my free time—like reading a book or tending to the garden" I grumbled to Mor, who was rummaging through Armen's stash of jewelry for something to wear to Rita's.

"We have a garden?" was all she replied, sensing my acidic mood.

"You know Armen will kill you if she finds anything missing" Azriel reminded her softly, hovering by her side. I sighed internally. The moment I saw them interact after returning I knew that nothing had changed between them in the 50 years I was absent. My brother still tracked my cousin's every movement with his shadowed, hazel eyes.

"Az will you help me with this?" Mor asked, holding up an intricate necklace and sweeping her hair to one side.

"Do it yourself", I said, leading him to the other room, "I need to debrief him". Though it was more to spare him from that uncomfortable interaction (and to spare myself from having to witness it), I was desperate to hear what news he brought from the other courts. Well one in particular.

"They're starting to rebuild the villages and beginning to hunt down the last of Amarantha's beasts" he informed me softly. Whenever he was focused like this the shadows around him seemed to intensify.

I nodded, though that wasn't what I was listening for.

As if sensing my impatience, he went on.

"I also heard news that Tamlin had proposed to Feyre Cursebreaker"

I stopped breathing.

"They are set to be married in 2 weeks"

So that's what those swatches of white linen and green tapestry I had seen floating through Feyre's mind had been. The tenor of her thoughts had been so unhappy and distressed I hadn't considered that they could be...

Married. My Mate is getting married to someone else.

Fighting to control the primal rage seeping through my system, I asked Az if there was any way we could help with the Summer Court's rebuilding efforts.

Today was the day. Today was the day my mate will take a vow of love and commitment to another Male.

"Ready to go Rhys?" Cassian asked, slapping me hard on the back.

I had asked him to get drinks with me at Rita's today knowing the only way I would be able to get through this was if my veins were filled with alcohol.

"You're paying this time" I told him as we headed down the streets of Velaris.

"Maybe I could if you raised my salary a bit you cheap bastard" he replied, elbowing me in the shoulder. I could see the concern in his eyes. He could tell I was on edge but couldn't figure out what was setting me off.

Rolling my eyes at him, I slowed my pace and looked around my city. I had been back for months and I still couldn't stop staring at my home—where children laughed and people rejoiced free from confinement and cruelty. This place I had helped protect was the only thing worthy I had done. The only thing stopping the gods from erasing my sullied spirit from this earth.

I was a murderer and a liar.

It took me a minute to realize that that thought had not come from me.

So many eyes, too many eyes, pressed on me, witnesses to every crime I'd committed, every humiliation—

I don't know why I'd even bothered to wear gloves, why I'd let Ianthe convince me.

The fading sun was too hot, the garden too hedged in. As inescapable as the vow I was about to make, binding me to him forever, shackling him to my broken and weary soul. The thing inside me was roiling now, my body shaking with the building force of it as it hunted for a way out—

Forever—I would never get better, never get free of myself, of that dungeon where I'd spent three months—

"Feyre," Tamlin said, his hand steady as he continued to reach for mine. The sun sank past the lip of the western garden wall; shadows pooled, chilling the air.

If I turned away, they'd start talking, but I couldn't make the last few steps, couldn't, couldn't, couldn't—

I was going to fall apart, right there, right then—and they'd see precisely how ruined I was.

Help me, help me, help me, I begged someone, anyone. Save me—please, save me. Get me out. End this.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Rhys? Rhys what happened what's wrong?"

Cassian's anxious voice was diluted by the roaring in my ears.

Let her hate me, I thought as I mustered my resolve and winnowed directly into my enemies court.