After.

Chapter Twenty: Not all is lost

"Okay...radio doesn't work. Normandy can't even see the threat on the surface. We only have the guns and ammo that are in this room. This room won't stay secure, considering they're right outside this door. That's it – I'm retiring right now."

"Shepard, we need to figure this out," Kaidan's voice low, as they leaned against the wall of the small building which had once served as a living room of some sort.

"I know. Just frustrated," she leaned her head against the wall, while idly playing with the sniper riffle she had stolen from one of the corpses, "This is possibly the most awkward goodbye of all time," she quietly remarked, as a smile tugged at the sides of her mouth.

Kaidan laughed under his breath, "Yeah. Apparently the Universe decided against it."

Shepard remained silent, before glancing around the room, "How's your wound?"

"Medi-gel fixed it pretty well. Shoulder is a bit stiff though."

"Right. I say we move."

"Shepard, you were on crutches hours ago. Can you even 'move'?"

"Legs hurt," she shrugged, rubbing her calf through her pants, before rolling up the sleeves of her N7 hoodie, "But honestly, not dying is enough motive to ignore it."

Kaidan smiled at her, before rocking himself to his feet – giving a Shepard a hand a moment later.

"Open the door on my mark," she nodded, sliding the sniper riffle back around her shoulders, as she gripped the assault riffle within her hands.

"3...2...1...mark!"

–

"Wait...but we're Cerberus."

"Shepard pissed off the Illusive Man when she didn't hand him the Collector Base," Joker sighed, "Now he's turning on Shepard, I'm guessing. And EDI can't help us here because she's programmed against doing things against Cerberus."

"I'm sorry, Jeff."

"It's okay, EDI," he petted the base of where her hologram appeared at his side.

He caught Cappa giving him a strange look, "What?"

"You need to get laid, my friend."

"Says the man who's spent months in the med-bay. I'm sure you got plenty of action in there."

"Yet I'm still more sane than you."

"Oh – by the way- still not letting you fly the Normandy. Did not prove yourself today."

"God dammit."

–

Shepard leaned her back against the inside wall of the building, watching as Kaidan leaned out of cover to use his biotics to throw a man. It somewhat bothered her that there were people with magic powers. It wasn't really fair how some got to move things with their minds, while she was stuck getting excited about special types of ammo.

She quickly leaned out of cover – giving an unhelmeted Cerberus officer the taste of bullet in his mouth. The man fell to the ground with a thump.

"Nice shot," Kaidan complimented, as he took out another with his riffle.

"Cappa seems to have left. Good. I was worried that kid would have tried to be a hero," Shepard stated, as she fired several more rounds into the throat of another Cerberus officer.

"It also means they're aware of the situation," Kaidan noted, firing a few more shots. A bullet grazed Shepard's arm, causing her to jump back into cover – nearly dropping the weapon.

"I wish you hadn't cracked their armor," she motioned to the dead Cerberus men on the other side of the room, "Because I really miss having a shield."

"Yeah, me too. But let's not dwell on what-ifs."

"Yes, mom."

Kaidan snorted and shook his head, "Wait..maybe I can hack their omni-tools with a layout of the area?" he suggested, "Can you cover me?"

"Go."

–

"Can the Kodiak fly again soon?" Joker asked EDI, feeling tension build in his shoulders. This couldn't be it. It was too simple. Too 'small'. Whatever killed Shepard in the end of it all would be magnificent and worthy of her as a whole. It couldn't be a perfect trap set by Cerberus. This...this just couldn't be. There was so much left to say and do. He couldn't let her die again.

"The Kodiak is in ill-repair, Jeff."
"How long would that take to fix?"

"With the qualified crew on board, Jeff, about twelve hours."

"We don't have that sort of time, EDI."

"What's going on in your head, Joker?" Cappa asked, pushing his dark hair out of his eyes.

"See – I won't let you fly until you get a hair-cut."

"I meant the Kodiak."

"Simple – we fly down there and pick them up."

"EDI?" Cappa's voice begging, "Talk him out of this."

"Though I do not have proper calculations on the opposition that lies upon the ground of Horizon, Jeff, considering the damage the Kodiak received in a short period of time, I must caution you against this action."

"Listen to the robot!"

"I am not a robot," EDI's voice flat, "I am an artificial intelligence system."

"I know."

"Please do not call me a robot in the future, Helmsman James Cappa."

Joker tried to hide his smile, as Cappa frowned at the holographic display, "Yes, EDI."

–

"I got an area map, and a general set of orders. They knew we were coming."

"No surprises there," Shepard angrily reloaded her sniper riffle, noting it was the last round, "They just keep coming..."

"With a hard push, I can get them back long enough for us to make a run."

"Run to where, Alenko?"

"Across the compound there's a building that has supplies."

"Across the fucking compound?"

"There's cover along the way."

"I'm nearly out of ammo."

A grenade clanked into the room. Kaidan biotic-pushed it back at the men, causing them to scream out in fear.

"Right. You have force powers."

Kaidan cracked a smile, "That I do. I'll push these guys back and we can run. Sound good? Your legs gonna be okay?"

"Don't have a choice do I? Do it."

With one heavy push, Kaidan grabbed Shepard's arm as they raced out into the field, dropping to cover behind a crate as bullets riddled the side.

"Eager bunch," Shepard remarked, using her final round in her sniper riffle to take out a Vanguard.

"When aren't people eager to kill us, Gaz?"

"Uh...good point."

"I lift, you use concussive shot?"

"Sounds good."

With two swift movements, a small group of Cerberus soldiers ended up flying backwards – appearing unsure of what just happened.

"I love it when they scream," Shepard remarked, as Kaidan grabbed her arm again, "Alright – path looks clear. Ready?"

She gave a quick nod, as he led the way – racing towards a rather large building that lay in the center of camp. It had a communication tower touching the sky at its peak.

Kaidan slammed the door shut behind him, quickly using his omni-tool to lock out anyone who wished to follow. Covering his back, Shepard used her remaining ammo on a small group of soldiers who were in the first room.

"We made it," she breathed, before limping over to the new corpses, and began raiding them of guns and ammo.

"We always do," Kaidan whispered, as Shepard began pulling off their armor, "Dammit...these won't fit either one of us."

"You know my size?"

Shepard remained silent, as she pulled an oversized chest-plate over her sweat-shirt, "It's not the best but it'll work," she shrugged, waving Kaidan over and handing him a few pieces of armor.

Restocked and slightly more bullet-proof, the duo carefully cleared out the next room – surprised to discover what appeared to be the barracks for troops. Several rows of bunk-beds filled the room – two small windows - barely large enough to look through – sat on opposite sides of the room.

"Barracks in the middle of a comm building?" Shepard asked as the doors slammed shut behind her.

"Illusive Man said dead or alive," a voice behind the door stated, causing Shepard to snarl, "It's easier to trap you than kill you. Enjoy your wait, assholes. You killed good men today."

"Fuck off," Shepard yelled through the door, as Kaidan approached – omni-tool already glowing.

"They locked down the door," Kaidan sighed, shaking his head.

"What?"

"You know how some doors open when you cut the power?"

"Yeah..."

"This one locks. So it's unhackable. I guess brute-force would work...but that's a really heavy door that's anchored in by..." he waved his omni-tool over the door, "Too much for me."

"Why is nothing simple?"

"Because it seems like the Universe has a plan for you Shepard," Kaidan shrugged, walking over to where the woman had placed herself on one of the bunk-beds.

"I'm going to retire and become a cat-lady when this is over."

"What's over?" Kaidan sat next to her.

"We get out of here."

"Sounds like a plan. Where are you gonna live?"

"Earth."

"Why Earth?"

"I'm Earthborn."

"I know. But I thought you had a bad childhood. No parents. Ran with gangs. The works."

"What you guys call a bad childhood, I actually enjoyed," a smile tugged at her lips.

"Really?"

"That childhood made me who I am," she shrugged, ruffling her short auburn hair, "And I'm fine with who I am."

"I am too."

–

"Okay – EDI I have a bad idea."

"If it is a bad idea, Jeff, why are you suggesting it?"

"Because it just might work. EDI – get Tali up here."

"What are you up to, Joker?" Cappa asked, pulling at his Cerberus uniform uncomfortably.

"Would it be possible for you to let us hack the firewalls, EDI?"

"While it is against my programming, I can simply choose to ignore it by busying my systems."

"Do that. Now let's save the Commander."

–

"Gaz..."

"Kaidan..." Shepard mimicked his tone, as she lay back on the bunk-bed, rubbing her throbbing legs.

"I'm sorry dropping me off turned into such a complicated situation," he rubbed his neck while sitting on the bed beside hers..

"It's cool. I'm used to people being like 'all you have to do is pick this up or drop this off,' then I end up having to take on like eight heavy mechs."

"Did that happen?"

"You missed a lot."

"I should have come with you."

"Yeah you should have."

Shepard idly stared at the bottom-side of the bunk above her.

Kaidan closed his eyes, feeling that classic gut-clench he always got after Gaz said anything harsh to him. He wasn't even close to over this woman, and it was killing him.

"What did I miss?" her voice distant.

"What?"

"When I was dead. No one has told me what I missed. I catch things once in awhile – but I haven't had any time to just sit-down and read what happened."

"Uh...it wasn't a pleasant time. I'm honestly not sure what happened."

"How?"

"To be honest, I somewhat...fell off the deep end after you died," Kaidan ruffled his own hair, eyes glued to his shoes, "I began drinking. A lot. Started right after your funeral. It was just this feeling that I couldn't..."

Shepard glanced over at Kaidan, as the man cradled his head in his hands. She frowned, slowly sitting up.

"Kaidan..."

"I couldn't...accept you being...dead."

She watched him, her expression filled with empathy.

"It just felt wrong. Like a sickness. People called me 'over dramatic,' but I couldn't help myself. It's not like I could just sit down and say, 'okay stop feeling this.'"

Gaz reached forward and grabbed his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. Very few had actually gone into detail on what happened to their lives after her death. This was the first time she had even heard about her own funeral.

"Eventually, Joker sobered me up – which got him grounded."

"No wonder he hates you."

Kaidan laughed under his breath, shaking his head, "He was honestly the only one who seemed to understand what I was going through. He took pity on me. Once he got me sobered up, the Alliance took me back – and here I am today."

"I meant galaxy events," Shepard smiled, now sitting up fully, watching him.

"Oh...right," Kaidan laughed slightly under his breath, shaking his head, "Sorry..."

She took his hand, causing his eyes to shoot up to her, "It's fine. I didn't know you...cared that much. From the way you were treating me, I figured you tried to forget me as soon as possible."

"I could never forget you, Shepard."

A smile brushed her lips, as her cheeks grew slightly redder than normal.

For the second time that day, Kaidan reached forward and placed a hand on her jaw. This time, he saw a small twinkle in her eye he hadn't before. He rubbed his thumb against her cheek, with full intentions and bringing her close again. Holding her. Kissing her. Loving her.

"Shepard if you don't hear this I'm throwing Cappa out of the airlock."

"What the fuck, man?"

Shepard quickly pulled back from Kaidan, causing the man to sigh angrily and bite his lower lip in frustration.

"Joker? I've never been happier to hear your voice."

"I do have a nice deep man voice, huh? Anyway, we're coming your way right now."

"Cerberus is here."

"Then they better run, because I'm landing the Normandy on their faces."

A wide grin spread across Shepard's face, "You fucking idiot."

"Love you too."

Gaz blinked, the words echoing slightly in her head, as Kaidan studied her.

"What'd he say?"

"Flying the Normandy in hot. Gonna land right outside."

–

The rather large craft landed – taking out several buildings in the process. A wave of bullets hit the hull as the cargo-bay doors opened. The team Shepard had previously assembled to take out the Collectors stood at the doors – armed with the heaviest weapons that the Normandy had to offer. Tali jumped from the ship and raced toward the comm building. With the help of Legion, the door reactivated, releasing the prisoners.

The group ran back to the Normandy – water splashing up from under their feet.

"Good to see you, Shepard," Samara smiled, as she threw a large group of Cerberus soldiers against a wet boulder. Gaz beamed up at her from under wet hair, as she climbed aboard, tossing off her misfitting armor.

Kaidan paused, "I should contact the Alliance about this colony," he stated quickly turning around to biotic-push some soldiers away.

"It's not safe here," Shepard frowned.

"It's a colony. The Alliance will be here in about twenty minutes," as if to demonstrate his point, he sent an audio-message to the Alliance.

Shepard moved away from the doors of the cargo-hold and stood in front of Kaidan, "Don't get yourself killed, alright?" she asked, as gunfire blazed all around them.

"I'll try," he sheepishly grinned, before pulling her into a hug. Surprisingly she didn't resist. After a moment, they parted.

Tali reported, "There aren't any more Cerberus soldiers in this area. We also disabled most of their protective firewalls so you should be able to contact the Alliance fully, Kaidan, without any trouble. And they should be able to land just fine."

"Thanks, Tali," Kaidan nodded, as Shepard rejoined them.

"Goodbye Kaidan."

"Goodbye, Gaz. See you around."

–

AN: SO MANY EMOTIONS. Oh exes. You are so unpleasant. There's always this need when you're around someone that you were once emotionally involved with – at least for me. Like you know them so intimately – yet now you're supposed to pretend like it didn't happen. It's hard. It's why Shepard has managed to go from threatening to throw him out of an airlock, to nearly kissing him. But Joker is our savior – just like in Mass Effect 1 – and stopped it. Oh Joker. I love you so. Gah. So much action. I'm not going to tell you whether Kaidan is gone for good or not, because it makes it more exciting.

Also random note: I decided I'm going to write more Mass Effect fanfics with Gaz after this one is done (yes I have a decided ending). I'm going to cover the two years she was dead, and possibly the first few weeks after waking up. Different fics of course. I just love this Shepard and don't want to stop once this is over. Oh – and I still have a bunch of chapters left. Don't be afraid.

Rated M for: Language, future sexual situations, violence, and so I can have freedom without fear of scarring a teen for life.

Oh – and I don't own anything ever.