A/N- The chaos continues!
Warnings- Same as last time. Again, these guys can't control their mouths and I have nothing against gays.
Disclaimer-For those idiots out there who somehow can't figure this out, I don't own Bleach. Just most of the manga books, a poster, and these stories.
(Text like this) -Rare author's note.
"Okay, tell me why we brought her along in the first place?"
"I don't know. Probably wasn't a good idea, though."
"I'm getting tired... Can we stop?"
"Just keep running a bit longer, Renji!"
"Rukia, we can stop now. We need to anyways if we're gonna figure out where we are."
After going through the garganta, the group found themselves in a room obviously used to house the monster bunny. As soon as they arrived, Starrk and Lilynette took off in search of Ozzy. Grimmjow did the same after Ulquiorra informed him that he couldn't beat the living shit out of Ichigo. They had thought that the Cuatro was sticking with them, but he took off as well, saying something along the lines of 'needing to inform Aizen-sama of this occurrence'.
With Ulquiorra leaving, they found themselves hopelessly lost. Renji, who had been supporting Rangiku before their dimension jump, somehow ended up bringing her along and was now stuck with carrying her.
"Come on! Stop being such a wimp!" Rukia scolded him.
"Rukia, stop calling him a wimp," Ichigo said, stopping and sitting against a wall.
"Thanks... Ichigo," Renji breathed.
" 'Cause we all know he is one," the strawberry finished with a satisfied smirk.
"What! You bastard!"
'Ha! BURN!'
'Ogihci... No more That 70's Show for you.'
'But King~'
'You don't need weed-smoking hippie kids for role models. My head...'
'You'd be the one talking! You're just a drunken emo!'
'I'm sober now... Unfortunately... Why'd you have to do it that way?'
'Oh good. Zangetsu's okay. What'd you do, Ogihci?'
'What makes you think I did something?'
'Because he just said you did, genius.'
'Oh.'
'He hit me over the head with a frying pan, Ichigo.'
'Wha... Where'd he even get a frying pan?'
'I don't know...'
'Places,' the hollow said nonchalantly.
'Well, you didn't have to hit me with it!'
'Uh-huh! King told me to!'
With a sigh, Ichigo tuned out the voices in his head. Rukia and Orihime were now trying to wake Rangiku up so Renji wouldn't have to carry her. Uryu was standing to the side, looking around, trying to figure out which way they should go.
"Oh, Ichigo. You okay?" Rukia asked, looking slightly concerned.
"Yeah. Why?"
"You spaced out there for a second," Renji said, having caught his breath. "Had everyone worried."
"Oh. Uh, Ogihci sobered Zangetsu up... With a frying pan."
"A frying pan?"
The whole group looked at him with looks that said, "You could wake up in the loony bin tomorrow, you know".
"Yeah, that's what I-" Ichigo cut off, just staring behind them.
"Ichigo?" Orihime asked.
"Hello~. Earth to the Strawberry," Renji said, waving his hand in front of his face.
"Must be spaced out again..."
The orange-haired shinigami just looked at his friends for a second before looking back up. Following his gaze, they all turned around to see what they first thought to be a giant spoon standing there.
"Wha' do we have here?" Nnoitra asked, giving them his famous piano-toothed smile.
"Crap..."
"Ooh... Fresh meat," he drawled, focusing his gaze on Rangiku's unconscious form. More specifically... Well, you know where he was looking.
"Get out of here you sick spoon!" Renji yelled at him.
"I'm not a fuckin' spoon! Why tha fuck does everyone think tha'?"
"Is he serious?" Ichigo asked Uryu, who shrugged.
"Hmm... I'll love havin' a go at this one," he said, forgetting about the spoon insult and taking a step towards the passed out blond.
"NNOITRA," boomed an amplified voice from overhead. "DO NOT MOLEST THE LIEUTENANT."
"What the hell?" Renji and Ichigo both cried, covering their ears like everyone else in the room.
"What the fuck Aizen? Turn that thin' down!" the Spoonspada screeched at the loudspeaker set on the ceiling.
"BACK AWAY FROM THE LIEUTENANT. DO NOT MOLEST," Aizen said. "RETURN TO YOUR QUARTERS."
"Why shouldn't I have some fun?"
"BECAUSE I SAID SO."
"But-"
"I AM AIZEN. RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!"
"Aizen-sama... May I politely remind you that you are not, nor will you ever be, Cartman."
"BE QUIET ULQUIORRA. YOU'RE STEALING MY THUNDER."
"...What was in that tea?"
"Nothin' you need ta be worried abou'."
"Ichimaru..."
"Ulquiorra!" Nnoitra shouted. "Take tha mike from him!"
"...No."
"Whatdya mean, 'No'?"
"I am not going to stoop to your level, trash."
"This... Uh... Doesn't make me want to take them seriously," Ichigo remarked, watching Nnoitra argue with the ceiling.
"Hmm?" The Spoonspada looked back down. "Eh, it's the Emo Bitch's pet," he said, giving Orihime a once-over.
"What" Orihime obviously didn't know about Nnoitra's nickname for her and Ulquiorra. She looked like she was going to say something else, but then the wall beside them blew out.
"N-Nnoitra-sama!" Tesra cried, barely holding onto the fur on Ozzy's back, somehow managing to hold the bathrobe he was wearing closed at the same time.
"Tesra! Okay, how tha hell did tha' thing get back?"
"I AM CARTMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!" Aizen boomed over the loudspeaker, obviously drugged.
"Aizen-sama..."
From the hole in the wall that Ozzy had created, Grimmjow stumbled out.
"Grimmjow, keep him there until I arrive," Ulquiorra's voice boomed, causing the Sexta to look up, startled.
"Even over a loudspeaker? Seriously?" he yelled up. "My name. Is not. Freakin'. FRENCH!"
Being preoccupied with the loudspeaker-voices, Grimmjow wasn't aware of anything that was going on around him. As a result, he got headbutted to the floor by Ozzy. The bunny continued running around trying to get Tesra off. In the process of moving away from the Grimmjow, one of his hind legs caught the Arrancar in a very... Painful place. Grimmjow collapsed onto the floor, clutching his manhood.
"Trash," Ulquiorra called him, arriving via sonido to their location.
"Tch..." Grimmjow tried to swing at Ulquiorra, who dodged and continued towards Nnoitra to prevent him from killing things.
Through all of this, our favorite Spoonspada was trying to save his Fracción, though his methods were a bit off.
Tesra was yelling as Ozzy ran around crazily, but this was probably more due to Nnoitra's decision to try and take Ozzy's head off with Santa Teresa. All he was doing was pissing the bunny off more.
"Nnoitra," Ulquiorra said, trying to get his attention.
"What, Emo Bitch?" was his reply, which caused Ulquiorra's eyebrow to twitch. "Why won't this thing freakin' DIE?"
"Do not kill Ozzy. Lilynette will kill you," the Cuatro said, regaining his cool.
"I don' give a fuck!" Nnoitra screamed, swinging his... sword... axe... cleaver... I don't even know what to call that thing... zanpakuto (?) around to hit Ulquiorra, who jumped out of the way with a sigh.
"What is wrong with these guys?" Uryu asked.
"I don't know, but they don't really seem to be the best army..." Ichigo replied.
'Ichigo...' Zangetsu said, sounding uneasy.
'What?'
'This might not be something you want to hear right now, but... Ogihci got a hold of my boombox.'
'So?'
'...And my CD collection.'
'Still not seeing your point here.'
'...Just thought you might want to know, because he now has that Disturbed CD back now.'
'...'
'Ichigo?'
'Get it away from him. Now.'
'Can I force him to watch Two Girls, One Cup if I do?'
'I think he's going to end up watching it again today anyway, so sure. Go for it. Just do it before he starts blasting something.'
'Okay.'
'Oh, Zangetsu?'
'Yes?'
'Where did you even get the idea to watch that?'
'Places,' the sword replied, mimicking Ogihci's mysterious reply.
'Okay then. Have fun.'
Ichigo tuned back to the scene in front of him, where Ozzy was kicking Nnoitra's ass. Tesra was still hanging on to his back, yelling "Nnoitra-sama! Nnoitra-sama!".
Santa Teresa was lying on the ground nearby, nearly bitten in half.
Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, along with everyone else, were watching this from the sidelines with amusement.
"You bastards! Help me!" Nnoitra yelled at his fellow Espada while being stomped by Ozzy.
Grimmjow grinned in response, while Ulquiorra just stared at the Quinto.
Then Ozzy leaned down, bit Nnoitra's spoon hood off, and ate it.
"Mah spoon!" the now spoonless Espada gasped. Grimmjow fell to the floor, roaring with laughter, and the corner of Ulquiorra's mouth twitched like he was suppressing a smile. The Hitsugaya Rescue Team stared at Nnoitra, covering their mouths to stifle their laughs, unsure if it was safe to do so.
Tesra dropped off Ozzy a second later and ran to his master's side in an attempt to comfort him. Above them, Ozzy reared back his head and opened his mouth. They closed their eyes, expecting their heads to be taken off at any moment. When nothing happened, they looked up. What they saw was almost as frightening as Kenpachi achieving Bankai.
Ozzy still had his mouth open, and a red ball of light was beginning to flicker in there.
"Cero," Ulquiorra called, backing up.
"Since when?" Nnoitra screeched, scrambling away down the hallway with Tesra.
"That thing can fire ceros and you didn't tell us?" Ichigo angrily asked them.
"We did not think it would come up."
"Well, it would have been nice to know!"
Ozzy fired his cero then, and the group just managed to get out of the way in time. It somehow caused a massive explosion upon impact which sent the group flying off in different directions, Team Rocket style.
Ichigo and Grimmjow flew off in one direction, Uryu and Rangiku in another, Renji and Rukia went off their own way, and Orihime ended up crashing into Ulquiorra, knocking the wind out of him and effectively taking him with her.
Ozzy simply hopped off to find some other poor soul to terrorize.
...
"No! Please Zanny... Not again."
"Then promise never to touch my boombox or CDs ever again."
Zangetsu had Ogihci strapped down to a chair in front of a large video monitor, completely immobile, and had just forced him to watch the video. (much like the chicken in Robot Chicken) If the hollow wasn't scarred for life before, he was now.
"No! I need the music!"
"No? Okay. Let's see... Well, I could force you to watch Human Centipede 2..."
"Already seen it."
"You have?"
"Yeah. It. Was. AWESOME!"
(Do NOT take Ogihci's comment as encouragement to watch that. Trust me. Don't do it.)
"That was horrible! How could anyone enjoy something like that?"
"What're you talking about?"
"It was freaking disgusting! How did that not affect you?"
"I'm a hollow. Of coarse it didn't affect me!"
"..."
"Hmm... Okay, since you like my boombox so much..."
While Ogihci looked on, confused, Zangetsu retrieved some headphones from somewhere in the room, along with a CD. He slipped the headphones onto the hollow's head, making sure that he would be able to hear every note. Then he pressed play and just enjoyed the show.
"What? No! Turn it off! I'll never steal them again! Promise! Turn it off!"
-What Ogihci is Hearing-
'I love you
You love me
We're a great big happy family'
Zangetsu just sat back and smiled.
...
-Grimmjow and Ichigo's Situation-
"Dammit! Get off me!" Grimmjow snarled, trying to roll the dazed strawberry off his back.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry." He rolled off of the bluenette. "Damn. What happened?" Ichigo asked, rubbing the back of his head.
"We just got blown up, dipshit," Grimmjow replied, standing. Then he took a look around. "What the..." He paled. "Aw shit..."
"What?" Ichigo asked, looking around. They seemed to be in a normal part of Las Noches. Well, there did seem to be an odd amount of flowers, but still... Wait. Flowers... In Hueco Mundo?
"We need to get out of here. Now," Grimmjow said, looking around for an exit.
"Why? There isn't anything dangerous in here... Well, unless you're allergic to flowers."
"Cause he might come back."
"Who?"
Almost on cue, a door across the room opened up.
"Oh? Are you people wanting a picture with me?" came a gay-sounding voice.
"Son of a bitch!" the Sexta cursed, now looking for the exit frantically.
Ichigo just looked on in growing terror as Charolette Chuhlhourne came strutting out of what the shinigami assumed was a bathroom, in a white bathrobe, his hair done up in curlers.
"A shinigami? Well, all kinds of creatures can appreciate my beauty, I suppose," the Arrancar said, assessing the teen. "Oh my... This hair! Such a beautiful color!" Ichigo just stood there, completely horrified, while Chuhlhourne flitted around him, praising his hair and body.
"Of coarse, no one could compare to my beauty," he finished, gesturing at himself. "But have no fear! The most beautiful thing in the universe is here! I'll give you a makeover that'll have everyone just dying to get your picture." Ichigo was then grabbed by the back of his shihakusō and dragged towards the bathroom.
Finding the room's exit (hidden behind a flowery curtain), Grimmjow turned to find Ichigo. Seeing what Chuhlhourne was trying to do, he had to think fast.
A vase shattering near the Arrancar's feet caused him to look back, startled.
"U-G-L-Y! You ain't got no alibi! You ugly! Eh, eh, you ugly!" Grimmjow yelled, taunting him.
"Why you little...!" Chuhlhourne yelled, outraged. He let a relieved Ichigo go and stomped up to Grimmjow. "I'm ten times as beautiful as you'll ever be!"
"Oh? So you do have an alibi?"
"Why would I have an alibi? I haven't done anything wrong!"
"Then you ain't got no alibi! You ugly! You ugly! Run Berry!"
While Ichigo and Grimmjow ran away, leaving Chuhlhourne to cry about being ugly, Ichigo asked about that.
"I was, uh, watching Family Guy last night."
"Ah."
"Yeah..."
"We kinda need to find everyone else now. And Ozzy."
"Great. Just follow me, got that, Strawberry?"
"My name does not mean strawberry!"
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Berry."
...
-Renji and Rukia-
Renji ran up to his friend. "Rukia! You okay?"
"No, baka! We just got blown up! Of coarse I'm not okay!" she replied, rubbing her leg.
"Is it broken?"
"No, just bruised, I think," she said, standing and testing her leg. "Where'd we end up?"
Renji looked around. "Not sure. Think if we go down this way it'll lead us anywhere?"
"Well, we won't know if we don't try it, right?" Rukia began to walk down the hallway.
The pair walked for a little while, looking behind them occasionally to make sure that they weren't being followed by any mutant bunnies. They soon came upon a door labeled 'Laboratory'. Someone had stuck a sticky note underneath saying 'OF DOOM'.
"Where are we, the showers?" Renji joked.
"That's lavatory. That says LABoratory," Rukia informed him, sighing at her freind's stupidity.
"Geeze. I was joking. Lighten up."
The sound of locks being undone caught their attention. They backed up, just in case. The door opened and a bubblegum pink-haired head poked out, looking down at a watch.
"You're two minutes late. Those specimens needed to be refigerated by then or-" He looked up. "Shinigami? Oh, this must be my lucky-"
"Can it," Renji said, causing Szayel to narrow his eyes. Then his eyes caught sight of the note.
"What the... The nerve! Whoever put this there..."
"Look, we aren't bringing your specimens and we really don't care about the note," Rukia said, turning and starting to walk away. Renji followed her lead.
"Who said you could leave?" Szayel asked, a manic smile spreading over his face.
"We don't have time to screw around with you," the redhead replied, turning towards him.
"Well, I don't know about 'screwing around', but you'll both make wonderful test subjects."
"Heck no!"
"You don't have a choice," the scientist told them, taking a pen-shaped object out of his pocket and pointing it at Renji, his thumb moving to the button on the side.
Rukia ran up to Szayel and slapped him.
"Rukia!" Renji gasped.
"What was that for?" Szayel asked, holding his cheek, which was now as pink as his hair.
"I don't know," she said. "To make you shut up?"
"I wasn't even talking!"
"So?"
"Rukia," Renji said, laying a hand on her shoulder. "We really can't waste any more time with this freak. We've still got to find Tōshirō."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Before that thing eats him."
"Wait, what thing?" Szayel asked, letting go of his cheek.
"Why would you care?"
"Because if that thing that you're talking about is who I think it is, then we're all in trouble."
"..."
"I might be able to help."
"Fine. It's Ozzy."
Szayel blinked. "O-Ozzy? I kind of thought you were talking about Yammy..." He started to mess with his gloves nervously. "But Ozzy..."
"You know him?"
"I might have made him what he is today." He turned and walked back into his lab with a concerned look on his face, motioning for them to follow.
"So you created him?" Rukia asked, still suspicious.
"That was stupid," Renji commented, looking at something in a fish tank that he really didn't need to know about.
"Not exactly," the scientist said, ignoring Renji's comment. He stopped in front of a desk and shuffled through some papers. "Aizen originally wanted me to preform experiments on Ozzy before I did anything to the other Arrancar. Something about lots of pain and mutations... Eventually, he dismissed that, apparently because of Gin calling what I was doing to him 'cruel'. Mind you, I never caused him any unnecessary pain. Most of the experiments were painless for him."
"So how'd he end up with that girl, Lilynette?" the redhead inquired.
"I'm getting there," he replied, giving Renji an annoyed look. "After I was granted permission to experiment on Arrancar instead, Ozzy was no longer needed for his original purpose. He had, however, begun to show some rather interesting attributes. I'm not entirely sure if these are his natural abilities or a result of my tests. Anyways, one day, he escaped my lab, where he was being kept. He was missing for over two hours, and when I finally found him, Lilynette was playing with Ozzy in his 'cute form'. I'm sure you people are aware of his forms. right?" They nodded. "Lilynette... Well, it's best that people don't make her mad. So when she found Ozzy, she basically claimed him. After talking with Starrk and Aizen, she was able to take care of him. She's responsible for that horrible name as well... I still want to study him, of coarse, but neither of them has given me permission."
"Uh okay... If that's it, then we'll just... Go," Rukia said, the test tubes and what not starting to freak her out.
"You said he had someone?"
"Yes, he ate something and now-"
"Wait, he didn't eat any sugar or alcohol, did he?" Szayel interrupted, a look of concern crossing his face.
"Uh, yeah. Both, I think."
All of the color drained from the Espada's face.
The two shinigami looked at him in confusion until he spoke.
"He-he can't have either of those. Ever," he said, looking fearful.
"Why? What happens?"
"I think you already know the answer to that," Szayel said grimly, pushing back his hair and turning back to his paperwork.
...
Zangetsu just stood there. Maybe he did go a bit overboard with the punishment...
Ogihci was just sitting in the corner, staring off into space. When Zangetsu had let him out of that chair, he has just walked away in a straight line until he hit the corner, where he sat down. He hadn't moved since.
This was like something from one of those horror movies... With clowns in them. The sword shivered. No, he wouldn't think about that now.
"Ogihci?" he asked. Most of him wanted to just leave the hollow in his comatose state, but the other part was nagging at him saying that it wouldn't be right. He put his hand on his shoulder and said his name again.
This caused the hollow to look up at him. Ogihci looked down at Zangetsu's hand, then back up, then back down. He looked almost childlike...
And then he licked the sword's hand.
"Gah! What was that for?" Zangetsu demanded, jerking his hand away from the albino.
Ogihci looked at him blankly before slowly standing. Turning to the sword, he was still for a few seconds before he raised his arms in a 'come hug me' fashion.
"I love you... You love me..." he said, stepping towards the old man. "We're a great big happy family..."
"Oh good lord..." Zangetsu said, backing away. "I've created a monster..."
"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you... Won't you say you love me to..."
Zangetsu ran away, horrified. Ogihci chased him, singing the song.
"ICHIGO!"
...
-Uryu and Rangiku-
"Rangiku! Will you just walk already?" Uryu complained, dragging her along. (barely)
"Where's taichou~?"
"I don't know! And we won't know until you start walking and and we find the others!"
"Is he with Ei-chigo?" she asked, putting a lot of emphasis on the 'I' for some weird, drunken reason.
"Maybe. If you start walking we can go find out."
"I want taichou~!"
"God, it's like she's freakin' five..." the Quincy mumbled under his breath. Making a decision that he might regret later, he told her, "Okay, he's with Rukia! Come on, if we hurry, we can catch them before Ozzy does."
"Ozzy?" she asked, blinking.
"Yes, Ozzy. The bunny that took Tōshirō?"
She just looked at him, racking her brains trying to figure out who he was talking about.
"The mutant hollow bunny?"
"Oh!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together, causing a tidal wave of cleavage to pop up. "You mean the fashion disaster!"
"Huh?" It was Uryu who was confused this time.
"The fatso with the horrible coat!"
"Uh... Yeah, I think? Come on, let's go," he said, grabbing her arm and gently pulling Rangiku down the hall. She was still raving on about all of Ozzy's beauty faults, but at least she was walking by herself now.
...
"No! Stay away! I do NOT love you!"
"We're a great big happy family..."
Yes, Ogihci was still singing and chasing Zangetsu around. This had been going on for over thirty minutes, and the sword's arms were tiring from pushing Ogihci away and blocking out his terribly off-key singing. It was probably due to him being a sound-zombie at the moment, but the guy sounded like a drowning screech owl. Zangetsu was just hoping for Ichigo to respond to his cries for help, for the inner world to start crumbling again, anything. Even Ozzy showing up and eating his pole again would be preferable over this...
From his hiding places on one of the terraces, the sword peeked to his left. Nothing. To his right- nothing. He laid back and breathed a sigh of relief. 'Well, at least I can get a br- HOLY SON OF A-'
He had reopened his eyes to find Ogihci standing over him, looking down with empty eyes. Instead of singing, he raised his arms and leaned down. That was the last thing Zangetsu saw before it all went black.
...
-Ulquiorra and Orihime-
Orihime blinked up at the ceiling. It took her a second before it all came back to her. Ozzy escaping, their current location, the attack... And then the explosion.
Wait, if there was an explosion... Why wasn't she hurt?
The teen sat up quickly and heard a grunt. She looked around, confused until she heard a deep voice say, "Woman... Get up." and something shifted under her.
Orihime looked down and quickly jumped to her feet with a cry of, "Ulquiorra! Omigod, I'm so sorry!"
Said Espada got to his feet, straightening and dusting off his coat. "It is that creature's fault, not yours, woman."
"Um... Ulquiorra? I'm not really a prisoner here anymore, so... It's fine to call me by my name now," she told him, studying his normally emotionless face for a reaction.
He looked at her with emotionless green eyes for a few seconds before answering. "I do not see what difference it would make."
Orihime looked down in disappointment, which confused the Cuatro. He just shrugged it off.
"So, where exactly are we?" she asked, not recognizing anything as she looked around at the clean, white walls.
"The West Wing," he replied after glancing around. "We are a few corridors away from where the explosion occurred, although how we both ended up here is beyond me."
"What'd you mean?"
"None of the walls have any unusual imperfections on them, and these halls have many turns in them. There just isn't a logical explanation," he told her, beginning to walk away. Orihime followed.
"Magic?" the bubbly girl suggested with a laugh. He just looked at her, not getting her joke, although he probably wouldn't have reacted even if he did. She gave a sigh and continued walking.
The walked in awkward silence for a few more minutes before Ulquiorra froze.
"Huh? What's wrong?" Orihime asked, stopping a few feet in front of him.
He looked over his shoulder and down the hallway, narrowing his eyes.
"Ulquiorra?"
"Quickly, in here," he said, opening an unmarked door against the wall and pushing Orihime in, following soon after.
"What are you-"
"Quiet. He will hear you."
A second later, Ozzy came hopping down the hall, still in his huge rage form. He sniffed the air, searching for the prey that had been there only moments before. Their scent was still in the air, but not them...
Ozzy continued on his way, having caught the scent of some other poor creature.
"...Is he gone?" Orihime whispered.
"For the moment, yes. He may return, though," Ulquiorra replied in a hushed tone, trying to put more room between himself and the woman in the small closet that they were hiding in.
"...Ulquiorra?" When she didn't receive a reply, she took it as a sign to continue.
"Why is this closet here, anyways?"
"...There is no purpose for it, so I do not know why Aizen-sama felt the need to have it built here."
"Oh."
After a few more minutes of standing in silence in the unusually small closet, Ulquiorra announced that it was safe to exit. Of coarse, while cautiously leaving the closet, Orihime's accident-proneness took over and she tripped over her own two feet. So both Orihime and Ulquiorra ended up on the floor, the orangette landing on and pinning him down unintentionally.
"Oh my. I didn' think you'd be tha one ta be messin' around like tha', Ulqui," a teasing voice said from down the hall, giving them both a start. Looking up, they caught sight of Hueco Mundo's own waving man with the candy.
Orihime turned bright red, and scrambled to get up, apologizing repeatedly. The only problem was, one of her shoes had somehow become wrapped in one of Ulquiorra's coattails, resulting in the very awkward situation they both in, actually giving the Cuatro a bit of color for once.
"Just..." he said, sitting up and grabbing her ankle, untangling her shoe from the fabric. She jumped up as soon as he did, still apologizing.
"Aw, isn't tha' sweet? The lovebirds were hidin' in tha closet!~," Gin sang, waggling a finger at them. "Naughty, naughty~!"
"Gin, don't you have other matters that you should be tending to?" Ulquiorra asked him, obviously annoyed.
"I am! There was an explosion, so I came ta check it out. An' I found you two before I got there!"
"You do not need to investigate," Ulquiorra said, looking down the hall. "The explosion was caused by Ozzy firing a cero."
Gin tilted his head, smile dwindling a bit. "He can fire ceros? Hmm... Hey, wha' were you two doing in tha closet?"
"Hiding," Orihime mumbled, looking at anything but the two men in the hall with her.
"Hidin'? From what?"
"That thing, Ozzy," replied Ulquiorra, still glancing around cautiously.
"Ozzy... 'Bout yay high, white fur, giant fangs?" Gin said, gesturing around.
"Yes?" Orihime replied, unsure as to why the fox-like man was saying this.
"You know full well what he looks like," Ulquiorra said, focusing on the ex-captain. "There is no need to ask meaningless questions."
"Well..." Gin pointed behind them, where the albino had snuck up like a ninja.
"...I really hate that thing," said the black-haired man, staring at the creature in distaste.
"Aw! Ulqui actually has feelings! I win the bet!" Gin happily said, oblivious to the current danger.
Ozzy growled, sending thick ropes of saliva dripping towards the floor. Orihime took a few steps back, just short of hiding behind the two members of Aizen's army. Ulquiorra didn't even flinch. Gin just stood there, grinning like an idiot and cooing over 'Ulqui's little emo feelings'. He almost lost it then, coming close to releasing his sword on the spot, but just barely kept his cool demeanor.
"Back up slowly," the pale man slowly said, to which Orihime complied. However, Gin apparently thought that he was immune to whatever hell Ozzy was about to unleash, so he just stood there looking up at the bunny, who growled again.
"Now, now. Don' be a bad bunny," Gin told him.
Ozzy didn't react to that well. With a roar, he lunged towards the creepy man. Ulquiorra ended up having to pull him out of the way, not wanting Aizen to get mad at him for one of his subordinates getting killed in his presence.
Despite Gin's protests, all three of them fled, hoping to escape Ozzy's rampage.
...
With a groan, Zangetsu opened his eyes. His head hurt... Like someone had hit him with something... He tried to rub his temples, but found that he couldn't lift his arms. Trying to look down, he also discovered that he couldn't move his head. Just his eyes.
Straining to look down and focus, he saw that his arms were securely fastened to armrests with straps. And from the feel of things, so were his legs, chest, chin, and forehead, leaving him unable to move anything. Like an electric chair...
A clicking noise brought his attention to an area ahead of him, where, to his horror, that albino demon was sitting in a comfortable-looking armchair, face completely devoid of expression, fidgeting with a rectangular object.
Realization dawned on the zanpakuto, who, quite frankly, began to freak out. He was in the Robot Chicken Chair in front of the giant monitor where he had strapped Ogihci earlier that day. And now he was in the hot seat. The hollow had control, free to do whatever the hell his little demon heart desired. And he chose to take out his revenge.
Ogihci raised what Zangetsu now reconized as a TV remote and pointed it at the video monitor, pressing a button. The screen flickered to life, showing a black and white image that the sword immediately recognized.
"No! Why? Why would you even think about that?"
Ogihci just stared at him, his expression never changing. He hit another button and the horror that was Human Centipede 2 began to play.
Zangetsu had no choice but to watch.
...
-Ichigo and Grimmjow-
So, what has our favorite orange-haired shinigami been doing that has distracting him from the voices in his head?
...No, not that. Get your head out of the gutter.
RAWR!
"Oi! Quit shrinking 'n eating me!"
"That's how the game works. Deal with it."
"Fine."
"Hey!"
"That's how the game works. Deal with it."
"Don't mock me, Berry."
"Hmm... Ooh, toxic waste!"
"Arg!"
"Should've been destroying buildings, Grimmjow."
"You too? My name isn't French!"
"Sure, sure. Whatever you say, Grimmjow."
They were... Playing Rampage? And they were both kicking each other's asses.
"Take it like a man!"
"Said the princess."
"What? ...You suck at insults."
"Said the princess."
"Said the guy who's killin' ya."
"Said the princess."
BAM!
"Shit!"
"Ha! Bow to the King, Kitty Boy!"
"Tch... Beginner's luck."
"Whatever you wanna call it. I still pwned your ass!"
"Rematch!"
"Sure."
'Ichigo!' came a voice. The shinigami glanced around the room.
"Did you hear something?"
"All that hot air's goin' to your head, Berry," Grimmjow replied, choosing his character.
They began their rematch.
...
-Uryu and Rangiku-
"Taichou~"
Uryu sighed. She had been doing that for thirty minutes now. And they still hadn't located the others.
"Taichou~"
Uryu glanced towards her and just narrowly prevented himself from nose bleeding to death. "Ran-Rangiku! Fix your shihakushō!"
"Hm?" She looked innocently towards him, then down. "Oh." Her top was adjusted to a decent level (for her).
"Where's Taichou?"
"We have to find the others first."
"Oi, Starrk! Quit sleeping!"
"Mmph..."
"Come on! We gotta find Ozzy!"
"Mnmp..."
Uryu, with the still slightly drunk Rangiku in tow, followed the sound of the voices to a room, where they found Starrk napping on a couch, Lilynette standing over him.
"Fine. Be that way," she said, then slugged him in the stomach.
"Gah!" Starrk shot up like a rocket, coughing and sputtering. "Okay, okay. I'm up."
"Good. Can we go find Ozzy now? I miss him."
It was then that Starrk caught sight of Uryu and Rangiku standing in the doorway. Lilynette did to, after she realized Starrk was actually focused on something for once.
"Oh. Members of the rescue group, right?"
"Uh, yeah. So I'm guessing you guys don't know where that thing is either?"
With a burst of sonido, Lilynette was in front of Uryu and had pulled him down to her level, grabbing his shirt collar. "He has a name. Use it," she demanded.
"Okay! Ozzy!" the teen said, terrified by the small girl pulling at his hair.
"Lilynette, don't hurt him," the Primera said, watching lazily. "He's just trying to help."
She frowned at him, then let the nerd-like boy go. He backed away, scared to death. She noticed this and gave him a warm smile.
"See? That wasn't so hard, was it?" the girl asked, turning to Rangiku. "Is she, uh, still wasted?"
"Unfortunately." Then he whispered, "I think the alcohol is wearing off now, thank God. I hope her hangover isn't that bad..."
"Why?"
"Because," Uryu started, pushing his glasses up nerdily. "You've seen what she's like when she's really drunk. What'd you think that hangover's going to be like?"
Both Arrancar cringed after a moment of though. "Ooh, sucks for you," Lilynette said, glancing at Rangiku, who was talking to a lamp. Yes, a lamp.
"Erm... Let's just ignore her for now..." the freaked-out Starrk said.
"Agreed," both Lilynette and Uryu replied in unison, watching the lieutenant bitchslap the lamp across the room. Something about cheating on her.
"Well, ah, I guess we should go find the others..."
Before a reply could be made, Aizen came running down the hallway outside of the room, a police hat on his head and a badge reading "Deputy Doughnut" pinned to his coat. He was also wielding a pink water gun and had a can of whipped cream on his belt in place of his zanpakuto.
"Lord Aizen, I insist you stop this behavior at once! You are making yourself look like a fool!"
"I am a cop, and you shall respect mah authoritah!" he shouted, pointing his water gun at Tōsen.
Lilynette, Starrk, and Uryu poked their heads out of the room (Rangiku was still yelling at the lamp), and saw that Cop-Aizen had Tōsen and Aaroniero backing up, hands raised to show that the weren't armed.
"Uh, Aizen?" Starrk said, confused as hell.
The leader whipped around to face the Espada. "Hands where I can see 'em, punk!"
"What?"
Aaroniero shifted a little, causing Aizen to re-point the water gun at him again, causing him to flinch.
"What're you guys afraid of? It's just water," the small Arrancar informed the two being held up at water-point.
"It... He doesn't have water in there," Aaroniero's childish voice said. The deeper-sounding voice followed that up with, "It's much worse."
"Uh, okay?" she said, trying to think of what the ex-shinigami could have in the gun. Starrk and Uryu were doing the same thing.
"No talking!"
Aizen continued his cop rant for a while before making the two Arrancar and Quincy join Tōsen and Aaronietro. He then started his rant again.
Ten minutes later, he was still yelling at them and was showing no sign of stopping. Then something hit him over the head.
As he crumpled to the floor, unconscious, a pissed-off Harribel was revealed, holding a broken baseball bat.
"Harribel... You hit Aizen," Starrk said, astounded. The others were to stunned to speak, including Tōsen.
"...He deserved it. Before he found you, he decided to pat me down to "check for weapons". It got a bit to personal..." While the others stood in silence, she proceeded to grab Aizen's arm and toss him over her shoulder in a remarkable show of strength.
"Oh, and in case you wanted to know- Ozzy is currently chasing Gin, Ulquiorra, and that girl, Orihime, around in the West Wing." With that, she sonidoed away.
"Wonder where she's taking him."
"Knowing her, if Aizen did that, then he's going to have a very rude awakening..."
"Hey, you guys? Where'd the other two go?" Uryu asked. Tōsen and Aaroniero were nowhere to be found.
"Those two disappear a lot. I mean, Tōsen's like a ghost!" Lilynette told him. Starrk nodded in agreement.
"You do know that you guys are technically ghosts, right?"
"What? No, were hollows! Not ghosts."
"Demons then."
Before the green-haired girl could pounce on the teenage Quincy, Starrk butted in. "Lilynette, we are technically dead, so yeah, we're ghosts. At least to the humans."
She settled down after that, but Uryu was left terrified for the second time that day. Lilynette was scary when she was mad.
Sighing, she said, "Well, I guess we've got to go save them from Ozzy now, so..."
They departed, leaving Rangiku to be with her lamp.
...
"Oh dear Lord..." whispered Zangetsu, being forced to watch the movie. Ogihci was sitting next to him, having dragged his armchair over and finding a bowl of popcorn and a soda somewhere. And he was actually, enjoying it.
"It doesn't even have any dialogue! Or color! Let me out!" the sword yelled for probably the hundredth time that day. Ogihci shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth to shut him up.
The hollow then realized that he was out of soda. Pausing the movie, he left to get more. Where he paused it just so happened to be a really graphic part of the film, so Zangetsu was forced to start at that until he got back. When he did and it started again, the sword was even more horrified than he had been before.
'How did this even get produced?' he thought, trying not to think about what he was seeing.
The movie ended after a rather disturbing end, much to Zangetsu's relief. Ogihci got up and put the DVD back in its case.
"There! You've had your fun, now let me out!"
The albino just smirked demonically at the sword, his eyes having gained a dangerous glint. He picked another DVD out of a pile on the floor, showing him the cover. 'Cannibal Holocaust'.
His eyes went wide. "Don't you dare."
He dared.
"No! How'd you even get this! It's freakin' banned, like, everywhere!"
Ogihci didn't reply.
...
"HA! Who's the King now, Berry?"
"You don't have to act like a dick..."
"I ain't the dick! You're the dick!"
"Real mature, Grimmjow."
"Oh, yeah. Like you're so much more mature than I am."
"Yep."
"Prove it."
"Make me."
"Heh. Pussy."
"If anyone here's a pussy, it's you."
"..."
"What?"
-Five Minutes Later-
Harribel, who was still carrying Aizen, passed by the Relaxation room, then backed up, did a double take, and dropped her leader.
"What. The hell. Are you doing?"
Grimmjow looked up and momentarily stopped pulling on Ichigo's hair. "What does it look like? I'm havin' fun." He resumed tugging on the shinigami's hair and shifted his own position, making it look slightly less, well, homo. Ichigo continued trying to push the Sexta off, which was nearly impossible due to him all but sitting on his lap at the moment.
Harribel sighed, then decided to just sit back and watch the show. Hey, if two totally hot guys were wrestling and it looked like that, wouldn't anyone?
It took them a few minutes to realize that she was still there. When Grimmjow questioned her about this, she simply replied that she was enjoying the show. That was when the boys realized what their position made them out to be. The space of the room was between them in a second.
"And you're still here because..." Ichigo rudely asked her.
"Because if I leave, I might miss something," she replied, trying to freak them out as much as possible.
The bluenette was about to snap at her when he noticed what, or rather who, was on the ground beside her.
"No way. Is that Aizen?" Both he and Ichigo moved in for a closer look. "Oh man, it is!"
While Grimmjow started laughing himself to death due to his leader's appearance, Ichigo asked Harribel, "Uh... Why's he dressed like a cop?"
"I think Gin put something in his tea again. It made him lose it and he though he was Cartman, so he was acting like a real cop. A really messed up cop."
"Okay." He waited for her to continue, but when she didn't, he did. "So why's he passed out?"
Instead of speaking, Harribel pointed at the lump on his head.
"Oh."
"He tried to get personal with me, so I put him in his place. Grimmjow, It's not that funny, so stop it."
Gasping for air, he barely managed to get out, "D-Deputy Doughnut!" before collapsing again.
"...What were you two, erm, wrestling over?" Harribel asked, deciding to ignore the Espada rolling around on the floor.
"Who was more mature."
"I think you won that one..."
"No... -gasp- I'm the mature -gasp- one... Pffft, whipped cream."
"Uh..." Ichigo just stared at Grimmjow, who's face now resembled an eggplant.
Harribel kept ignoring him and once again picked Aizen up with ease. "If you are interested, Ozzy is chasing Gin, Ulquiorra, and Orihime around in the West Wing." She departed down the hallway after giving this message.
"Orihime..." Looking down, he grabbed the back of Grimmjow's jacket and pulled him to his feet. "Come on! I know where Ozzy is now." When the Espada continued laughing, he punched him.
"Ah! What the hell, Berry?"
Ichigo sighed, pushing him out of the room. "Ozzy's in the West Wing, and I have no idea where that is. Show me."
After a bit of an argument, they took off down the hallway.
...
-Ulquiorra and Orihime (plus Gin)-
Ozzy tried yet again to take Gin's head off. "Bad, bad bunny!" he shouted back at him.
Orihime almost tripped, but Ulquiorra grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the reach of Ozzy's claws.
They kept running, eventually coming across a group of Números socializing in the hall. Seeing the fleeing triad, they looked back and saw what was chasing them. Their hands immediately went to their swords, prepared to fight him.
"If you know what's good for you, do not do that," Ulquiorra warned them, stopping and turning towards Ozzy. When the albino showed no signs of stopping, he fired a bala at him.
Ozzy ate the bala.
"What the hell?" One of the Números gasped, not knowing what Ozzy was capable of.
"I wouldn' stick aroun' fer long," Gin said, giving them his famous giaganta-smile. "Ulqui-la-la already hates tha' thin'. Ya don' wanna see Ulqui get mad." They fled after he said that, terrified at the thought of what the Emospada would do to them if he got pissed.
Ozzy dived at the Quatro, who darted out of the way fast, trying to think of a way to stop him while he was raging.
"Orihime!" The girl turned to see her orange-haired friend rushing down the hallway towards her, followed by Grimmjow, who looked pissed. Not much of a change for him, but still.
"Ichigo! Omigosh we got blown up then chased by Ozzy then ended up in a closet then Mr. Gin found us then Ozzy chased us again I'm so happy you're okay!" she blurted out, blushing profusely.
Ichigo just stood there, sweat-dropping for a second, then replied, "Uh... That's... Nice."
"I'm going to kill you..." Grimmjow growled at Ichigo, face twitching in anger. He was trying to get what seemed to be water out of his hair.
"Eh, what happened ta you, Grimmy?" Gin asked, still focused on Ulquiorra's struggle with Ozzy.
"The stupid strawberry here pushed me and I landed in a puddle. That better've been water..."
"What do you think it was, whiz?"
"Better not have been."
They were both getting weird looks from both Orihime and Gin, so they just stopped and observed Ozzy for a bit. He was going absolutely crazy trying to get Ulquiorra, who was darting around at a remarkable speed, easily avoiding him.
"Guys!"
Turning, they found Uryu, Starrk, and Lilynette running up to meet them, the Primera looking like he was going to fall asleep at any moment.
"Uryu! Where'd you end up?" Orihime asked him, turning away from Ulquiorra and Ozzy.
"I'm not sure...It was near these two, though."
"Hey, where's Rangiku? I though I saw her go off in your direction."
"We locked her in a room," Starrk said. "She was having a lover's spat with a lamp."
"..."
"Yeah, I know."
"Can you people just help out? Or are you going to go on about your trashy lives forever?" Ulquiorra complained, trying to keep Ozzy at bay by firing bala everywhere.
"Oh, right. Sorry." Ichigo and Uryu were about to move in when three other people rushed up to them.
"I-Ichigo," Renji panted, having run from Szayel's lab to his location without stopping. Rukia was just as out of breath, but the mad scientist himself was to busy to be tired.
"GAH! Get this freak off me!" Szayel had dashed straight over to Grimmjow and jumped him. He was now hanging off the Sexta like a leech, trying to convince him that he was in love with him. This was proving to be difficult, seeing as Grimmjow hated the Octava's guts and was attempting to beat him off viciously.
"But Grimmy~," he whined. "You love me~."
"I don't love you you freakin' queer!" he shouted in response.
"Oh yes you do~," Szayel purred, then tripped his 'boyfriend'. When he went tumbling back, Szayel somehow ended up pinning the bigger man down
"Uh..." Everyone present had stopped what they were doing to watch them. Even Ozzy stopped rampaging to watch the borderline yaoi that was occurring in the hallway.
While Szayel attempted to wrestle Grimmjow out of his hakama, everyone tried to focus on their current situation. Ozzy snapped out of his trance-like state and jumped on Ulquiorra, resulting in the Cuatro struggling to keep Ozzy's fangs away from his throat.
"Will you just do something already?" he demanded, flinching slightly when a glob of Ozzy's drool splattered all over his face.
"Aw, did someone take an OOC pill this mornin'?" Gin asked, finding Ulquiorra's situation funny for whatever reason.
"Ichimaru, this is not funny."
"OW! Starrk, Grimmjow bit me!"
"Yeah, well I'm wet and pissed, so I can bite if I wanna."
"I think 'piss' would be the right term..."
"This better not be piss..."
"T-trash..."
Ichigo sighed, then pulled out Zangetsu and went at Ozzy.
"Hey, guys? This stuff... It's starting to burn. Is that bad?"
...
Zangetsu merely whimpered. Ogihci's banned movie had ended shortly before, and now he was rooting through the mass of horror movies that were in the box he had brought, pulling out certain ones and putting them into a growing pile. Judging from what the sword had seen, most of them were either body horror films, snuff films, or just ones that had been released labeled NR due to their contents.
"Will you just let me up?" He didn't reply. "I have to go to the bathroom, you know." Ogihci just looked at him with a face that said, "So?".
The hollow looked at a DVD case and his face immediately brightened up. Without showing Zangetsu the cover, he took out the disk and slid it into the DVD player.
"What are you... NO! Anything but this! Please!"
Ogihci smirked at Zangetsu's cries of terror as the movie version of It began to play.
Revenge was sweet.
...
"Ozzy! No! Don't eat Ulquiorra!"
Lilynette shouted this as the Cuatro literally ran for his emo life, throwing things back at Ozzy in an attempt to knock him out. A bucket of red paint. A ladder. A little lizard-hollow. A Greek statue. Tōsen. None of them had any effect. (No one even questioned why most of these things were in the hall)
Meanwhile, Ichigo and Renji were arguing about something completely unrelated to the current situation. Orihime was having a panic attack while watching Ulquiorra. Grimmjow was complaining about the burning liquid while stumbling around trying to wipe it off. Gin was providing random commentary on things. Uryu and Rukia just stood there, wondering why everyone was acting so weird, and Starrk napped. Lilynette yelled at him from across the hall.
"Idiots!" Ulquiorra yelled. Yes, yelled, attempting to dropkick Ozzy as he did so.
"Oh yeah. Ulquiorra. Right," Ichigo said, discontinuing his and his pineapple-headed freind's debate on the pronunciation of the word tomato. (It's 'toe-mae-toe'! Not 'ta-ma-toe'!) He and Renji immediately rushed out to fight Ozzy, while Uryu seemed to be deep in thought.
"Uryu! Get out here and help!"
He looked up. "Ichigo!"
"What?"
"Eariler, you said that Ozzy hates your zanpakuto, right?"
"Can't this wait until after we've tried to kick this thing's ass?"
"No. Get over here."
Ichigo complied after seeing that no one was in mortal danger at the moment. Renji was chasing Ozzy and Ulquiorra was getting yelled at for throwing Tōsen.
"Yeah, he does. So what" he asked, obviously pissed.
"Do you think you could manifest him here?"
"Why?"
"We could lure Ozzy into another area."
"Maybe. Just a second..."
'Zangetsu?'
'Uh, King? Now's not a good time...'
'What'd you do?'
'...Showed him some horror movies.'
'Oh God. You didn't make him watch It, did you?'
'...Maybe.'
'Dammit Ogihci! ...I'm coming in there now. Kiss your candy stash goodbye.'
'NO!'
Ichigo blinked and turned to Uryu. "There might be a problem with that... I'll be back in a few."
...
"No! Don't take my candy! Anything but the candy!"
"Should've thought about that before you tramutized Zangetsu."
"I was a Barney-Zombie for half that time!"
"What? ...Never mind. That's just tough luck."
Ogihci broke down sobbing with that.
The shinigami sighed, then walked over to his sword spirit, who, although Ichigo had undone the restraints binding him to the chair, still hadn't gotten up. Instead, he had drawn his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around them, and begun rocking.
"Zangetsu?"
"Clowns..." he muttered, staring off into space.
"Zangetsu, there aren't any clowns. Look, I want you to help me with something if you can."
"Clowns... The clowns... They're going to eat me..."
"There aren't any clowns where were going. Well, there is... Nevermind. He won't hurt you. Plus, if you help, I'll get you some really high-grade sake, okay?"
He perked up at the mention of the drink. "Sake?"
"Yep."
"..." He seemed to ponder this for a while. "And there's no clowns? Or cannibals?"
"Uh... No."
"Okay..." he said hesitantly, regaining his composure.
"Great."
...
Ichigo returned to Las Noches, where Uryu was on him in a second.
"Where were you?"
"Uh... We had a little situation. What's your problem, anyway- oh. Nevermind," he said, seeing as Gin was riding on Ozzy's back, pretending that he was a horse, Starrk was watching lazily from the sidelines, Ulquiorra was lying against the wall; from the looks of things, he had hit his head at some point, Grimmjow was talking to a wall (possibly due to the mysterious liquid), and Lilynette was chasing after Ozzy, threatening to kill Gin if he didn't stop at once.
"So this is your zanpakuto spirit?"
Ichigo turned to see Zangetsu standing in front of Uryu, facing away from the action.
"Yeah. Zangetsu, Uryu. Uryu, Zangetsu."
The old man just looked at Ichigo. "You said you needed me to help with something... What?"
Before he could answer, a familiar roar sounded out. Zangetsu stiffened, then turned around slowly, his face a mask of horror. "Hell no! Let me go back!"
Most of the beings present heard the unfamiliar voice shout this and looked over. Unfortunately, this included Ozzy. Flipping Gin off in the process, he attacked Zangetsu, who began to run, cursing Ichigo all the way.
"...Your zanpakuto?" Renji asked, watching the mad dash of terror.
"Yeah."
Yelling, Zangetsu ran down the hall, where a figure sat up and rubbed it's head. The sword stopped a few feet in front of him, took one look at his face, then ran off in the other direction, screaming bloody murder.
Ulquiorra just sat there for a second, confused. He got up and hobbled over to the group.
"Judging by his spiritual pressure, I am assuming that was your zanpakuto spirit?" Ichigo nodded.
"Why did he run away screaming?"
"Uh..."
"Yeah, why did he do that, strawberry?" Renji asked with a smirk.
"...He's... Scared of clowns..."
Renji burst out laughing at that, while Ulquiorra looked mortified.
"Erm, I think it's just the tear marks... He freaks out over Ogihci's apperance, too."
"Why?" Orihime asked innocently, trying not to laugh at the earlier statement.
"Cause he looks like a killer albino guy, I guess. Which he is."
"Ichigo, do I really need to say what's on my mind?" Rukia smirked as she said this.
"Shut up," he told her, then turned to Lilynette. "Is there any place we can lock Ozzy up until we figure out what we're going to do with him?"
She thought for a second. "His room, I guess."
"And where's that?"
"The East Wing. But you really don't expect to force him in there, do you?"
"No force. Lure." He turned to Starrk, who was faster. "Can you lead us there?"
"Yeah, but-"
"Good. Oi, Zangetsu! Can't touch this!" he yelled, running in front of his zanpakuto spirit, who lunged at him, aiming for his throat.
Starrk got what he was trying to do and began leading him towards the bunny's room, sonidoing a couple dozen feet in front of the shinigami at a time.
It took them just over ten minutes to get there, that time probably being one of the most hectic ten minutes in Las Noches' history, not counting the time Yammy had decided to go on a rampage when his favorite show was canceled.
A giant killer bunny chasing an emo-looking old zanpakuto spirit, who was chasing his orange-haired wielder, who was chasing an Espada (two if you count Lilynette). It was quite the sight. On their way, they passed the group of Números from before, who ran away in terror, Nnoitra, who was looking at a copy of Hustler against Aizen's wished, which got trampled by Ozzy, Wonderwiess, who was playing with a little hollow lizard and didn't notice them, and Yammy. As they passed him, they created a strong updraft which took him by surprise. The Espada then spent a good twenty minutes just standing there, trying to figure out what had just happened.
"Are-are we almost there?" Ichigo panted, looking at Starrk.
"Almost."
The Primera's statement was proven accurate when a door came into view. Ulquiorra, who had apparently sonidoed ahead, was waiting next to it. He opened the door and stepped way aside as they approached.
Starrk darted over to where he was standing immediately, while Ichigo entered the room and stepped to the side, waiting for Zangetsu. When he entered, still aiming to kill his master, the strawberry pulled him aside and let Ozzy charge into the room. Then they exited. Simple as that, right?
Wrong.
As soon as they slammed the door shut, Ozzy crashed against it. Zangetsu immediately asked if he could go back again, to which Ichigo said yes.
The door cracked.
"Are you sure that'll hold?"
"No."
"Oh, that's just great."
It broke, letting Ozzy out. Before he could even take a small step out of the room, though...
"Shoot to kill, Shinsō!"
A freakin' huge blade came speeding in their direction, hitting Ozzy in the chest, sending him flying backwards. A familiar orange shield spread over the doorway soon after that, preventing him from leaving.
"Hey~! Looky who I found!" Gin said, setting a once again passed-out Rangiku down on the floor and sheathing his sword.
"Kurosaki-kun! Is everything alright?" Orihime ran up to him worriedly, two of the petals on her hair clips missing. She was followed by the rest of the Hitsugaya Rescue Team.
"Yeah. We've still got to deal with him, though."
"Oh..."
Just then, a pink-haired man came running up to the room and threw something at Orihime's shield. It busted straight through it and hit Ozzy, who looked down. A pink syringe... He fell unconscious right after that, reverting to his cute form. Lilynette ran up to hug him.
"What the..." They all looked back at Szayel, who looked pleased with himself.
"Tranquilizers neutralize his powers," he said as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
"You could've done that earlier and you didn't?"
"Yeah..."
"What the hell, man?"
"You bastard!" Grimmjow exclaimed, appearing behind him.
"I thought you went crazy from that liquid?"
"I did. The idiot took me back to his lab and did somethin'!" Grimmjow told the shinigami angrily.
"Uh-huh!" Szayel looked extremely happy at this thought.
"What the hell did you do?"
"Nothing you need to be concerned with."
"If you did something to me, the I'm sure as hell gonna be concerned!"
"Whether he did something or not is hardly an issue right now," Ulquiorra said, breaking up their fight.
"Yes it is!"
"Uh... Look. We'd love to stick around for a while, but we've kinda got to get back to the World of The Living, and we still have no clue where Tōshirō is, so..."
When that sentence was spoken, a faint "Mmph!" was heard. They followed the sound into Ozzy's room, but there was no one there. Another Mmph was heard, and they looked up. Everyone, Ulquiorra included, were,needless to say, shocked at what they saw.
"What the hell? Tōshirō?"
The short captain was stuck up there, duct-tapped to the obscenely high ceiling. He was dressed in what appeared to be a green leprechaun suit and had a green top hat stuck in his spiky hair. There was also a gag in his mouth, which explained the muffled sounds.
"..."
Eventually, they managed to get him down, though they couldn't find his shihakushō anywhere. No matter how hard he thought about it, he just couldn't tell them how he got up there, either.
Waking Rangiku up, everyone said their goodbyes. Gin seemed sad to see his childhood friend go. Ulquiorra and Grimmjow didn't seem to care either way. Starrk had fallen asleep again, and Lilynette seemed happy to have Ozzy back. Orihime said goodbye to Ozzy and Ulquiorra, and Gin stared at Tōshirō untill he began to get annoyed.
After another little incident with Szayel and Grimmjow, everyone got ready to leave.
"Well, bye, and uh, can you-" Ichigo was interupted by yet another person running up to them.
"Duh-da-duh-dah~! Charolette Chuhlhourne is here!" he sang out, hands on his hips and his chest thrown out.
This was met with various responses.
Lilynette gasped and covered her eyes.
Szayel ran out of the room, screaming.
The Hitsugaya Rescue Team gaped at him, unable to comprehend the gayness in front of them.
Gin snickered and looked away.
Ulquiorra and Grimmjow looked at each other and decided to take action.
The Cuatro quickly opened a garganta while Grimmjow yelled, "FUCKIN' RUN!"
The Team complied happily, Tōshirō's leprechaun hat falling off in the process. Ozzy's single opened eye followed their every move, silently plotting his revenge.
...
-Epilogue-
Aizen woke up on the floor of his throne room a few hours later. 'Ugh... What happened?'
He quickly spotted a nearby note and picked it up.
Dear Aizen-sama,
Please don't accept a drink from Ichimaru ever again.
Thank You,
Harribel
...What?
He looked down at his clothes.
...Oh.
X-X
Gin happily pulled a box out from under his bed. Opening it, he picked up the small, child-sized shihakushō from inside and hugged it to his chest.
He smiled evilly.
X-X
Ogihci went into sugar-withdraw due to his lack of candy and had to go to rehab. Zangetsu ran away from him every time he saw him, screaming something about, 'the poor turtle'. Ichigo couldn't really figure out why this was.
Lesson learned- Never terrorize Zangetsu. Or take away a hollow's candy.
A/N- That thing with Ulqui and Hime in the closet was from a dream I had, all the way up to the point that Gin said that he won the bet. Best. Dream. EVER! Well, aside from that one about my school being destroyed by a Menos Grande, but still... Can't remember half of that one.
That concludes the saga of Ozzy~. He'll still show up occasionally to wreck havoc on our favorite characters, so don't worry about that. Why would I get rid of him? He's awesome!
And hey, if anyone's got anything you want to see happen to Zangetsu, Ogihci, Ichigo, or anyone else in the future, feel free to tell me via review. In other words, suggestions are welcome. The more random it is, the better! Anything to do with the Hueco Mundo gang will probably be used in my other fic, There Are Rules, You Know, though.
Review for Zombie-Ogihci! (the thought of that freaks me right the hell out)