Chapter five

She would have been lying if she said it didn't hurt. That wasn't the only problem, though. She wanted to be with him, in that way, but something that she had no control over was preventing her from doing it.

He was surprisingly sweet about it. He offered several times to stop; she insisted. It wasn't necessarily a pleasurable experience, for the most part. He couldn't enjoy himself because she couldn't. He felt like a criminal. "I shouldn't," he kept saying, almost insisting. She didn't let him. "Finn," she said, gently urging him. "It's okay. We can't really stop now, anyway." He nodded and proceeded forward.

She clutched the blanket to her chest, both of them sitting up now. He had a strange look on his face. She had to be the one to break the silence. "It wasn't your fault," she finally said. "You didn't do anything wrong." He was having a hard time believing that, even if he wasn't the one who started it. He sighed, shaking his head a little. "I just wish there was some way I could make it better for you, you know? Like…I don't know, taking your spot."

She blinked a few times, touched, but still upset at his words. "And why would you do that?"

"Because we both know what you're destined for, and it's not fair to you to have to put your dreams on-hold for something like this."

"That's not true, Finn. You know it's not."

"Then tell me where I'm going to wind up, then? Because being a fry-cook isn't exactly what I was tailored to do." She bit her lip, frowning at his words. He always had this problem, doubting himself. "Besides," she offered, "if it was you in my position, it wouldn't even be…well, you know. You wouldn't want to do it."

He laughed at her words; it wasn't the timing, or anything, but the words himself. He always wanted to be with her. "I think we need some sleep," he finally said. She nodded in agreement. It had been quite a stressful day, to say the least. Thank God she didn't have to deal with chemo for another two months.

A few weeks later…

The chemo finally started to wear off a few days later. She still felt strange, though. Something wasn't quite right, but she didn't want to tell Finn that. He would have worried even more. He'd been researching like a demon on all of the side-effects of it, and made it an almost hourly thing to make sure she was feeling okay.

Most of the time, she just lied. She didn't have the heart to see him getting even more worried. Especially now, after what was supposed to make her feel like herself again wasn't working. She had to be careful and plan her appointment to the doctor. He was home a lot more, now, and didn't like letting her go anywhere alone. Some might call it overprotective, but he imagined the worst possible outcome whenever she was out of his sight. She was his main and really only concern.

"I'm going to the store," she said plainly. He hated shopping. She knew that would be her only chance of getting out of there without him. He looked up from his game and nodded. "Can you get a quart of ice cream while you're out?" He batted his lashes at her. She didn't eat dairy, but she would do it for him if it meant staying home. "Of course." She pattered over and gave him a kiss, sucking her own in after she was done. "I love you," they said simultaneously.

Eventually, she arrived at the doctor's office. It was a dingy little place, but she knew the woman well. Most of the wallpaper in the office needed to be stripped, and she wasn't sure if the receptionist was even alive half the time to know what was going on. "Rachel Berry," she said as she checked in. She was greeted with a halfhearted smile, and directed to a row of chairs.

Soon, her name was called and she found herself sitting in an office; it was much nicer than the actual outside. That made her wonder, but she didn't vocalize it. "Hello, Rachel," said Doctor Henderson. "I see your treatments have been going well." She smiled, relieved to see a smiling face. "Very." She paused, hesitant at her next words. "But something doesn't…" She trailed off for a moment. "Something still doesn't feel right," she admitted. The doctor looked at her curiously, allowing her to elaborate. "I haven't been…" She made a weird gesture with her hand. "I'm…late," she said, under her breath; the thought momentarily escaped her that she was talking to a doctor.

She raised an eyebrow. "We'll need to get some blood-work done. If you stay, I can have it for you in under an hour." She couldn't argue. She wanted to make it a one-time-kind-of-trip. Soon, she had the syringe in her arm, her blood being taken back to a lab. She gently drummed her fingers on the desk, sucking her lips in. She wasn't sure what to expect. This was new territory to her. She was usually quite serious about her health; now, she found herself not knowing what to do.

"Rachel?" said the doctor as she walked back in. "Do you prefer a boy, or a girl?" She looked at her, in pure confusion. "I…well, girls are much more eloquent, I suppose. Why?" The doctor simply smiled, handing her back the paper.

That question would have to be one she thought a lot of now, seeing the lab summary.