Today's The Day – Make the Pain Go Away
She walked back and fourth pacing for hours, her mind was racing faster than she had ever thought could happen. She went back and fourth, to be or not to be. Franky bit down on her bottom lip harder than usual, just so she could make sure this was real. The inside of her mouth was chewed up and raw, exactly like how she felt inside. Her demons were coming back for her and ripping her limb from limb.
You're a useless fucking coward. You'll never amount to anything. Just like they said before... Freak. You will always be a fucking freak.
She was staring at her wall and beginning to breathe heavier and harder. Franky rubbed her face and felt the tinted sweat the lined her brow. You should just do it. She ran her fingers through her newly trimmed hair and tugged on the back, nearly ripping strands off. She slid her shoes off and let the cold wood floor soak in; breathe. Franky closed her eyes and took a deep breath but nothing was working. Her heart was worse than the jackhammer sounding down the street. Franky felt sweat dripping down her back and she shed another layer, leaving herself in just a tank top and shorts.
Check it. Go check it again. See how much they fucking hate you.
That voice in her head was driving her insane. More insane than usual, which was making her at high risk for reaching into the unknown. She went in her drawer and pulled out four white oval pills, ones she stole from Geoff. Painkillers. Twice the dosage of what she would even take, but that was just one pill. Now here in her tiny cold pale hand, were four of them. Any moment she could swallow them down and no one would notice. No one would fucking care. Franky stared at them and her eyes flickered back towards the mirror.
Look at yourself. There's something wrong with you. There will always be something wrong with you. Just wait. Just wait and see.
Her stomach twisted and her breathing turned into shaky inhales that did nothing to prepare her for what was happening. She grabbed at her head and clung to the short hair that lay on top of her head.
"Stop it! Stop it! Go away! Fucking go away!" she screamed at the top of her lungs but nothing was helping.
Hot tears streamed down her face and she could taste the salted remains of her complete mental breakdown. She walked over holding her moth and wiping her eyes, before taking the four white oval pills and placing them all on her tongue at once. They tasted like dull milk powder with a stinging after taste she couldn't even describe. It made her cringe, gag, and nearly wanted to vomit with the anxiety that was building inside her. She flipped her phone open and looked down at the thirty plus messages, all saying the same thing.
Franky was strong, but not anymore. Now, the demons had taken her over and made her skin crawl. She felt heavier and tried to keep her eyes open but the numbing pins and needles radiated around her body, making her sway and nearly topple to the floor.
Why did you do this? I thought you were stronger than that? Call for help. Anyone. Help.
Her brain went fuzzy and her mind stopped working. She sat on her bed breathing shallow until she had to remember to take in each individual breath of air. It was taking longer than she wanted and making her more paranoid and terrified. Like in the last few moments her life was flashing before her eyes. Not her whole life, just the small bits she wanted to remember before this all ended. Meeting Dean at the care home ages ago was the fondest of memories. They were special, until he was taken away to young offenders, all your fault.
She swallowed again and her throat went dry before completely collapsing so she could only take in thin air. Franky fell back on her bed fighting to keep her eyes open, fighting to keep her lungs working, but it all went black in the slip of a second.