Title: Puerile

Summary: Someone, somewhere must have really hated them. Because there was just no other explanation to why they were holding their brother's best friend in their arms, even if she was cute, adorable, and barely two feet tall.

Rating: T for language, themes, and some innuendos

A/N: Well, this was completely unexpected. But here it is! Since Fred is still alive, I'm believing this is what you would call an AU (In my world, Fred never died).

Oh, and disclaimer: I do not, have not, and will not (sadly) only Harry Potter, the books, the movies, the characters, or anything related to the franchise. This honor goes to J.K. Rowling. All I have is this plot. But as sadly cliché as I just now realize...

Warning: Weasley twins and a five year old Hermione…enough said.

Chapter 1: A Child's Play

Puerile (adjective):

Silly; regarded as childishly silly or immature

Relating to Childhood; relating to or the characteristic of childhood

Earlier that same day…

It was quiet that day. Which signal that something was wrong. Very, very wrong. It was NEVER quiet in the twin's shop, wonderfully named Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, or dutifully dubbed by one kind Hogwart's prefect, the biggest pain in the arse – since the twins themselves of course. There was either too much noise from a complaining customer, or shouts from a too enthusiastic kid, or some sort of catastrophe from a precariously placed whizbang. Which thus induced one hesitant Hermione Granger, witch extraordinaire, to cautiously tiptoe around the shop lest some unfortunate calamity might enforce itself on to her, courtesy of two pranksters she begrudgingly had to find.

"Fred! George!" Hermione shouted irritably.

Silence greeted her questioning shout. With a feeling of paranoia sweeping into her, she carefully backed towards the end of the shop, wand in hand and eyes fretfully glancing towards every corner of the store. She could see their patented daydream charms at one end of a shelf, decorated with lilac ribbons and funny cut out shapes of what she believed were clouds (and she wasn't entirely sure but one of those clouds looked ridiculously like Snape with a tutu). Towards the other end, there were stacks of canary creams pile dangerously one on top of the other and potions of all sorts of color. Whizbangs littered the entire vicinity of another shelf while familiar looking telescopes like-things were content with their positions in yellow burgundy chests on the floor. She still hadn't forgotten the weeks' worth of makeup she went through trying to cover up the black eye the telescope gave her.

Thus far everything seemed in order. Which then meant that everything was absolutely wrong. Besides you could never be so sure with the twins. They had a habit of doing the most unexpected things. A rule she had once learned the hard way when she had accidently borrowed Ginny's shampoo. Not to mention the time when she was accidently locked inside the boys' bathroom closet at Hogwarts. There were two things she had learned that day. One, that the boys' bathroom did indeed have closets (for what purpose she did not know and very possibly did not want to know). And two, never ever let the twins guide you because one of your best friend accidently gave you whiplash while attempting to make a love potion in class. Oh wait, there was another thing she learned that day. Never ever let Ron add anything to a cauldron unless she was one hundred percent sure it was safe and she herself was safely hidden at least five feet away. She had to positively scour an entire section of the library to find a spell on how to grow your eyebrows back.

"George! Fred!" She shouted again only to be met with another bout of silence.

This time she took another hesitant step backwards before a discreet shuffling of steps caused her to abruptly turn around, wand raised high, right into the counter corner.

"Oh! Bloody Merlin!" She hissed beneath her breath as she cradled her sore abdomen in her right arm where the corner had undoubtedly left a mark. At the sound of a low chuckle she looked up and glared at the offending pair who walked out while muttering softly to herself.

"I never knew you were so agile, 'mione!" Fred laughed, his face filled with mirth.

"Yep and quite the vocabulary too", George added, a smirk forming on his face. "And what was the part about castrating somebody by sending a flood of birds? I didn't quite catch that".

Blushing, Hermione gave them the sternest stare she could muster and fought back the urge to slam her head against the counter top.

"Well, if you want, I could always try it so you could catch it" she threatened darkly as she glared curtly at the pair of mischievous boys in front of her.

"Nah, I'll pass. I'm still nursing the bruise from Ginny's bat-bogey hex", George responded with a lopsided grin as he rubbed the back of his head from where the bats had begrudgingly caught a hold of his hair. Who knew bats could peck?

Hermione gave him an apathetic smile as she regarded the pair who just seemed to appear out of thin air; but then again, they probably did just that. The twins were stilled dressed formally in their work robes, well as formally as they could for a pair of mischief makers in a prank shop. The deep magenta color of robes contrasted their normally pale, albeit freckled complexion and it highlighted their hair in way that made the sun-burnt orange strands appear even brighter, if that was humanly (er- wizardly) possible. They also each had on a white button that comically flashed the letters, -in a bold red outline-'WWW', every other second.

"I'm quite impressed really", Fred admitted a large grin appearing on his face. "But what did we do to warrant such an honor with your lovely presence, oh great witch?" He finished this with a great flourish and deep bow that left his robes flittering but the entire effect was slightly marred by the obvious wiggles of his eyebrows.

Oh… I am never going to live this down, am I? Hermione internally cried."Mrs. Weasley wants you all back at the burrow" she explained, coloring slightly but glad for the new change in topic.

"Oh so Mum sent you to get us", George said as he noted Hermione's nod. "Not to be rude, but where's everyone else?" He spoke as he glanced around the empty shop.

"Quidditch", she finished simply as she found a comfortable spot against the cursed counter to lean on, wincing slightly as it brushed against her newly forming bruise.

"Figures", the twins both chorused simultaneously, hiding their chuckles as they watched Hermione very conspicuously trying to hide her displeasure at their counter.

"Eh, but why aren't you playing?" George couldn't help but ask as he leaned in closer. Thinking back, he realized that he had never actually seen Hermione play Quidditch before. Hmm…interesting.

Blushing at his intense stare, Hermione averted her eyes away, seeming to take an immense interest on the handiwork of her blouse. She never realized it before, but those seams were gorgeously sewed. And was that selkie silk, she spied?

"Well, I, er-"

"You know, 'er' isn't a real answer", Fred responded, leaning in as well as he peered down at her from his height, a smirk clearly palpable on his face. George seemed to sport a very identical one as well. They just had to be identical, didn't they?

Hermione, however, had a very different expression. Something akin to horror and terror - very reminiscent of when Draco discovered that his entire dorm was painted in red and gold drapes or when he discovered Crabbe and Goyle drunk and half naked dancing to a weird muggle song on his bed (who's Britney Spears, anyway?) -with a dash of fear was imprinted on her features very clearly. She was sure that by now, her face was probably as red as a tomato. Or maybe the Weasleys' hair, which ever happened to be brighter. Not to mention, Fred and George were still wearing that bloody awful smirk on their faces.

Looking down, and quite thoroughly embarrassed, Hermione spoke in a torrent of words. "I'mscaredofheights".

"Eh?" was all the twins could say to her response.

"I said, I'm scared of heights", she said, this time a little slower but just as embarrassed as she glanced away from their stares while her cheeks formed a nice rosy hue.

"Well, is that so?" Fred asked, a dangerous grin slowly appearing on his face as he turned to face his twin.

"We have the perfect remedy for that", George continued as he pulled a suspicious looking blue bottle from a hidden compartment behind the counter. That horribly cursed counter.

Suspicious, Hermione narrowed her eyes at him, clenching her wand closer to her and mentally thanked Ginny for teaching her that wonderful bat-bogey hex.

"This" Fred started, pausing slightly for dramatic effect, "is our greatest new invention!"

"…" Hermione merely nodded.

"…"

"Er- aren't you going to ask what it is?" George asked with a slightly perplexed expression on his face as he cocked his head to the side and twirled the bottle between his fingers.

Hermione merely shook her head while noting that the strange (greenish) liquid seemed to be foaming.

"Well, why not?" Fred continued to interrogate her.

This time, she chose not to respond but slowly backed away from the twins and the even more suspicious looking counter from which the bottle was pulled out of. If she had learned anything from her summers with the Weasleys at the Burrow was that no one should ever accept anything from the twins- be it liquid, sweets, or miniature dragons- unless they had a masochistic desire for being pranked and possibly, very possibly, humiliated and not to mentioned teased for a supremely long amount of time (she also learned that Weasleys, especially the twins, remembered things for a very long time, particularly if they are exceptionally embarrassing).

Seeming to read the doubt in her eyes as she glanced fretfully at them, Fred mentally sighed.

"Don't worry, It's not going to jinx you".

"Or turn you blue", George added.

"Or make you grow ridiculously large amount of facial hair". Hermione grimaced at that.

"Or make you talk backwards".

"Or give you antlers". Fred held back a chuckle at that one. Hermione narrowed her eyes in response, chuckling was never a good sign.

"Or a tail, be it monkeys or rabbits".

"Or turn your hair blue".

"Actually it has nothing to do with the color blue", George finally confessed and then smiled sheepishly as if a heavy burden was lifted off his shoulders.

"Or any other color, for that matter", Fred shrugged aimlessly.

"So now-", George said.

"Will you trust us?" Fred finished and looked at her with an expression akin to a lost puppy dog. Mentally she wondered whether the twins were long lost relatives of those adorable mutts, they seemed to have the expression down pat. Ohhh…Why did she have to be weak against puppies?

Caving in, Hermione almost groaned audibly as she felt her head gave a slight hesitant nod.

"Great!"

"Stupendous!"

"You're not going to regret this!"

"Oh, I think I'm already beginning to" Hermione muttered softly under her breath as two pair of arms ushered her to a little workroom tucked away in a corner from behind the shop.

"Whaaa?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing".

As she stepped into the dimly lit room behind the shop, Hermione let her eyes roam over the familiar tidy little orange workshop. She had been in there more than once, quite often actually, in fact she was even there when they had painted it, adamantly insisting on a bright neon orange and even more adamantly insisting on doing it the "muggle way" (she had spent hours with Ginny afterwards to get the paint out of her hair. Apparently, there was no way to get rid of the paint magically without also losing a good chunk of your hair as well). Despite having a reputation as pranksters, the twins kept a fairly neat workshop, a thing she was surprised but nonetheless pleased with. At least it helped to be able to walk across the room without finding some cursed thing to trip on, a feat likely impossible to be achieved in their real rooms. How they managed to sleep in it was a matter she couldn't comprehend.

There were stacks of potion book strewn across the many tables, but they were (somewhat) neatly organized and uncluttered. Wooden shelves lined the bright walls of the rooms and they were filled with all sorts of different ingredients, ingredients that sometimes one should rather not know what they were actually are, she made the fatal mistake of asking what really was in their daydream charms. Cauldrons and open bottles were settled towards the back of the rooms, where the bubbling contents produce a wide aroma of scents, sometimes pleasant and sometimes very much not. She was going to end whoever it was that revealed to them the existence of muggle stink bombs. The girls' bathroom on the third floor at Hogwarts was still virtually unusable thanks to that little prank.

Taking quick swift steps, the twins led her to one of the table near the right side of the shop. There were a sundry of cups and vials of all sorts of color and sizes that littered the entire wooden table. One of the blue cups seemed to be exceptionally steaming. They seemed to have been working on something when she called for them.

"Are you ready to be dazzled?" Fred asked, with a slight emphasis on the last word that made her twitched tentatively. When had he learned that word?

Hermione could only nod.

Taking that as a cue, Fred dramatically lifted the bottle up into the air, and posing with one hand rested at his hip, and one leg bent outwards, he shouted enthusiastically, "This, my dear witch, is 'Weasleys' No Fear' Potion!"

Tilting her head slightly to the side, she was more perturbed by that pose than by the vial of liquid itself, although the color did look like quite an unpleasant shade of green and blue.

"Er-well, the title needs some work, but it works", George exclaimed noticing her distressed stare.

"Yep. The basic idea is that it stops you from being afraid of whatever you're afraid of. It's like a courage potion of some sorts. You know, you just drink it and viola, no more fear".

"Not to mention it's a hundred percent foolproof!" George added with a snicker.

Fred laughed lightly, "We tested it out on Ron".

"Remember how he used to hate spiders? Well, after a sip of this, he could practically kiss one!"

"You really should have seen his face. We thought he might have kissed us". Fred and George both shuddered at the thought, while Hermione gave them an amused laugh. She still retained that memory of when Ron came bursting in on her and Harry's game of wizard's chess with a spider attached to the side of his face very well.

"But it's quite brilliant", Hermione smiled encouragingly, emboldened by the idea that at least it worked on Ron.

"Ehh?" The twins both turned to her with a surprised expression. Normally she would give them her 'patented Granger prefect stare' anytime they offered a new product, of course, since most of the time she and Ginny had the honor of testing it out first. They always did have the best reactions.

"Really". She said earnestly, giving them a genuine smile. "I mean, this would be great. You would practically be able to do anything".

Despite her reputation as a prefect- erhm, THE GRANGER PREFECT, she still found herself in awe (not that she'd admit it) of the twin's work. She even had a secret stash of daydream charms tucked safely under her bed, (not that she'd admit this either).

"So you're willing to test it out?" Fred asked enthusiastically.

"T-test?" Awed, yes, but it still didn't make her suicidal enough to be a test victim- er, dummy.

"Er- I mean try it". They gave her another look.

Don't look. Don't look!

Cue pout and moist eyes. Nod, nod!

Curse all the puppies in the world, how did they do it?

Look away, look away! She felt her the more comprehensive side of her scream inside her head. Oh, for the love of Merlin, look away!

A slight whimper made her begrudgingly squint back.

And she nodded.

"Perfect!"

"Excellent!"

"Wonderful!"

She bit back a groan as the sense of déjà vu washed over her.

Grabbing a small cup on the table, Fred tossed it to George who quickly popped off the cork and dumped half the bottle into the gleaming red cup. Immediately a puff of smoke erupted from the liquid with a slight 'poof'.

"There you go", Fred graciously offered her the steaming cup.

"Er, must I try it here?" Hermione asked hesitantly, eyeing the smoke with suspicion.

"Of course you do!" They both answered together.

"But we really must get going. Besides, Mrs. Weasley wants us all back in the burrow!" She nervously spewed, her eyes glancing off towards the exit near the front right corner of the workshop. Setting the cup down, she considered her chances of making it towards the exit before they could catch up and pull her back. Ten, maybe fifteen seconds from here to the door. I could always dash for it, but then again, they have longer legs. Maybe I could bind them with ropes…

"Now, now, drink up".

"Shouldn't we get going?" She decided to press once more. Ropes were sounding a like a very good idea.

"We will".

"After you finish".

"That is…" Fred paused.

"Unless you're afraid?" George drawled out with a small smirk.

Hermione defiantly puffed her cheeks out.

"Aren't you…?"

"Going to drink it?" She gulped nervously. Don't fall for it.

"Come on…"

"Even Ron drank it".

She felt her eyes twitch slightly, but continued to eye the exit. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for the bait!

"I guess you're scared then". Fred murmured in a poignant tone.

"Who would've thought…"

"Griffindor's greatest Prefect would be intimidated by us".

And thus she grabbed the steaming cup.

"Red! Reorge!"

The twins gave each other a shocked look, with neither replying to her outburst, before blinking dazedly and staring down at the little girl beneath their feet. She looked tiny compared to their size, which was considerable given that they both stood towering above six feet. Peering down, she hardly looked past five. She was wearing a small, well used to be small, cream blouse that hung off her shoulders and reached past her claves. The hem of the shirt barely grazing the skin of her feet. Her hair was bushy and wild, with a few unruly curls falling down covering her forehead. The black robes that she once wore now laid in a puddle of dark cloth at the ground a little more than a foot below her. She was staring at them with her large doe like eyes.

After a few more minutes of silence and finally gaining some sense of sanity, George gave his brother a quick jab in the ribs.

"Ow! For Godric's sake, what the bloody hell was that for?" Fred shouted, glaring at George before earning himself another painful jab right above the kneecap.

"Don't use that kind of language in front of a small child!" George hissed. "And pick her up too!"

"Huh?"

"Well, Freddie, me boy, don't tell me you've caught Ron's horrid daftness. I said pick her up."

"Why me?" Fred all but pouted (and completely forgetting to deny the former point of his twin's statement).

"Well you are the one that started this mess", George countered lifting his arms and crossing them at his chest.

Fred looked shocked, before indignantly shouting and very loudly too, "Me! My dear brother, I believe that it was you who created this calamity".

"No…" George shook his head, "If I remembered correctly, and I know I do, you were the one that insisted we recreate our aging potion from our fourth year".

"But I wasn't the one for left it on the table" Fred neatly declared, lifting one red brow up as if suggesting for his twin counter him.

"But you were the one that invited her inside!"

"Well, you didn't stop her from drinking it!"

"How in Merlin's name should I know she was going to drink it!"

"Well, she lifted up the cup" Fred said, giving his twin an incredulous look.

"That could've meant anything!"

"Well, what was she going to do with it? Twirl it around, add some sparkles, pour it over your head, and hope that Snape would come out dressed in a rubber ducky suit!"

"…." A moment of silence followed.

"…."

"Well… that was one image I never needed to picture." George choked out, his face turning a slight pinkish green as Fred chuckled. "But… you're not gonna leave her on the ground like that, are you?" George asked, a spark of humor in his eyes as he gave his twin a pointed look, the color of his cheeks now rescinding into a healthy blush.

"W-what! Of course not!" Fred sputtered turning his attention to the little girl who was the reason for this whole mess before smiling, "But, Georgie, don't you think you should pick her up?"

"Ehhh, for Merlin's sake, why me?"

"Well, I think she's grown quite fond of you." Fred declared, pointing at the little girl's feeble attempt to climb up George's leg. George, suddenly noticing the little bundle clawing up his side, watched as the tiny girl struggled up the seams of his robe before falling gracelessly onto the pallid floor with a soft "oomph"! Undiscouraged, she got up again and grabbed a hold of his robes mercilessly in her small clenched hands. Great, he thought, now I'm going to have to explain to Mum why there's small holes in my robes. For a small kid she sure has sharp nails. I hope she doesn't damage them too much…. Wait are those t-teeth marks? Sympathizing (slightly) with the kid, he stretched his leg outward, hoping it would help her hold on, and if not at least his shoe could cushion her fall.

"But…" he began looking up to face his smiling twin again before continuing, "Er, but how do you pick up a thing like that?" George questioned, a grim expression on his face as he peered down to look at the child who was clutching to the fabric of his robes as if for dear life, a determined and content smile on her flushed face.

"…."

"…"

"I haven't the bloodiest clue."

A/N:

I fail. Completely and utterly….

Ughhh… Somehow, I can't seem to keep the characters in character for the life of me. Though I hope they didn't seem too off. But wouldn't it be hilarious to see Crabbe and Goyle dance to Britney spears? ;) Also, sorry if it seemed a little bit choppy, I have a bad habit (yes, another one), of copying and pasting sentences around. I was in too much of a rush to upload this one, so I apologize if there are any grammar mistakes.

And for some reason, I couldn't remember what their work robes looked like. It was magenta, wasn't it….? Er…I hope.

And, I just love little Hermione…so adorable!

…

Alright, since I'm done with my rant,

Thank you for all the reviews! It really made my day.

So thank you for putting up with me, and of course, thanks for reading! The next chapter will be up in (hopefully) two weeks.