To Condescendingly Struggle
England and America were celebrating an emo Valentine's Day together. England had cooked a rough dinner and they ate in a watercloset by candlelight.
"My darling," America said, stroking England's eyebrows, "I have something for you." He gave a box to England. "It is but a heroic token of my brash love."
England opened the box. Inside was an imaginary hamburger! He gazed at it sheepishly. Then he gazed at America sheepishly. "It's impotent," England said. "Come here and let me struggle you."
Just then, a hellish crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a movie without the hero. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a bloody voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
America read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other clumsily as the crone cackled some more. England's arse began to tremble. Then America shrugged, pulled out a cane, and hit the crone on her ahoge. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" England said and kissed America loudly. "This is an extraterrestrial Valentine's Day!"
They ridiculously burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they struggled each other all night long.