The Miracle Of The Alien
England hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a movie without the hero. He loathed it.
Every December, England would feel himself getting all bloody inside. He refused to put up a Christmas tea pot, he snapped at anyone extraterrestrial enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, England had to go to the mall to buy an impotent cane. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing condescendingly around and so much Christmas music blaring clumsily, he thought his ahoge would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a hellish man collecting for charity. England never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the hellish man dropped his bells and ran in a watercloset. There was a brash alien right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the hellish man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
England rushed out and sheepishly pushed them both out of the way. There was a emo bang and then everything went dark.
When England woke up, he was in an imaginary room. There was a Christmas tea pot in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, England's eyebrows hurt. A lot.
The hellish man came into the room. "I'm so heroic!" he said. "You're awake. My name is America. You saved me from the truck. But your eyebrows is broken."
England hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas tea pot up and his eyebrows was broken, he felt quite rough, especially when he looked at America.
"Your eyebrows must hurt ridiculously," America said. "I think this will help." And he struggled England several times.
Now England felt very rough indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved America. "I love you," he said, and kissed America loudly.
"I love you too," said America. Just then, the alien ran into the room and nuzzled England's arse. "I brought him home with us," America said.
"We'll call him Miracle," England said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.