It was early when Harry awoke the next morning, and he was surprised to see that Ron was already up and gone. Maybe he and Hermione had gone off somewhere? No, Ron wouldn't let even that interrupt his precious sleep. What would he let interrupt his precious sleep? Something secretive, maybe, something he didn't want Harry or Hermione to know... In truth, Harry wasn't curious enough to be distracted from the goal at hand: getting to breakfast before any of his friends.

Despite a fairly good night of sleep, the fan fiction was still on Harry's mind, and right now, there was no one he wanted to see or interact with for fear of behaving strangely. He needed to process this sometimes gruesome, occasionally arousing information and, in time, dismiss it. Harry was good at being alone. He felt he could handle this. But no one, it seemed, wanted to make it easy on him.

"Hello, Harry."

There were no Gryffindors in sight, which was lucky, but Harry hadn't counted on Luna coming over to his table as soon as he took his first bite.

"Oh, hi, Luna," he said, scrambling for his pre-planned excuse to get out of conversations. "I really can't talk right now. Charms exam." He gestured at his open textbook.

Luna nodded. "We have that class together, you know. I don't really need to study anymore, but I'll help you if you do."

Oh, dear. This was a classic fan fic scenario: potential pairing, together for an innocent activity like studying, pulled into something a lot less decent due to pure, animalistic passion. Harry gulped.

"Are you OK, Harry?" Luna sounded concerned and put a hand on Harry's arm. "You don't look well. You're pale and you're sweating."

And now she was trying to nurse him back to health!

"I gotta go." Harry found himself literally spitting out his food, tossing his textbook haphazardly into his bag, and sprinting down the corridor to what he hoped was an empty classroom. But Harry already suspected his hopes were, well, hopeless, and his suspicions were confirmed when Neville Longbottom seemed to materialize out of nowhere.

"Hello, Harry," said Neville with a grin. He looked a lot healthier and happier since the fall of Voldemort not too many months ago. In fact, Harry noticed, he was actually quite handsome now, having lost his baby fat and gained a bit of muscle through spending long hours in the greenhouse as Professor Sprout's apprentice. Harry shook off this particular observation and said, "Hi, Neville. What are you doing in here?"

"Oh, I was just studying for the exam. It's easier for me to do it here than in the common room. Too many distractions there." Neville winked. Harry couldn't tell if his stomach was churning or his skin was crawling. "What are you doing in here?"

"I was—I was looking for somewhere to be alone, actually. So I could study," Harry said lamely.

"Well, you could just study with me if you wanted," suggested Neville.

"No," Harry said quickly. Neville looked hurt, so Harry added hastily, "I work better on my own when it's something like this. But maybe we could study for the next Defence test sometime?"

"Oh, sure!" Neville's enthusiasm was a bit over the top. Mentally, Harry kicked himself for the offer.

"Well, I'll be going, then," said Harry, nearly lunging for the door. He sped down the corridor and straight into Hermione.

"Have you seen Ron?" she asked, skipping any pleasantries. Harry was relieved that Hermione was here to snap him into reality. Gone were the thoughts of Neville slipping out of his robes and Luna using her wand in extraordinary ways. Now, all he saw was frizzy hair and a furrowed brow.

"I haven't," he told her. "He was gone when I woke up, and it was early. Did you check the pitch?"

"Yes, and he's not there," said Hermione impatiently. "Nor is he in the great hall, the common room, or the library."

"Why would he be in the library?" Harry asked without thinking. As he knew she would, Hermione shot him a death glare, turned on her heel, and stormed away.

"What's she on about?"

Harry turned and saw that Dean and Seamus had joined him. "Oh, she can't find Ron."

"Oh, he's studying for the Charms exam with Malfoy," said Seamus. "Didn't he tell you?"

"No. He didn't tell me or Hermione. Wait. Is Malfoy even in Charms with us?"

The three of them looked at each other.

"No, we don't have Charms with the Slytherins," Dean said.

"Oh, God," said Harry, and he ran to the bathroom and threw up the three or so bites of breakfast he'd had. So, apparently, Ron had decided to throw himself into one of those ridiculous scenarios. And now, Harry had another horrible visual to scrub from his mind. And this, somehow, was worse than thinking about himself. This was Ron. And Malfoy. Ron and Malfoy. Together. Doing ... things. Harry tried to throw up again. It didn't work very well, and he just ended up making pathetic retching noises that were interrupted by an opening door and a few heavy footfalls.

"Harry? Are you alright?"

"George?"