"She said that?"
"Yeah."
"All of it?"
"Yup."
"When?"
"Dunno." Harry sighed and leaned against George. It was the third day in a row they'd had lunch together, and this time, they'd opted to make something together in George's kitchen. It hadn't gone so well on George's end. Having been raised by Molly Weasley, he'd never cooked before moving out. Harry, however, had cooked for the Dursleys much of his young life, so he had no issue throwing something together with George's limited supplies. Now, they were curled up together on George's couch, watching fuzzy reruns of EastEnders.
"And where do you go to do something like that?" George asked.
"No idea. Her plan's a mystery. One I should probably solve."
George laughed. "You're done saving the world, remember?"
"Yeah, but ... Look, Muggles need the Internet," said Harry. "I don't know why. We do just fine without it, and it seems like it's ruined us now that we have had it. Well, not all of us." He smiled at George, who kissed him on the side of the head. "Anyway," Harry went on, "it's a crucial part of most Muggles' lives, I think. And it just doesn't seem fair for Hermione to ruin that for the whole world outside where we are, you know?"
"Oh, I agree," said George. "But how are you going to stop her?"
Their conversation was interrupted by a loud pop. Ron, looking a bit dazed, appeared in the middle of the room.
"Hermione said I'd find you both here," he said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "But why?"
"I'm gay, little brother," George said matter-of-factly. "And I'm dating your best friend."
"Oh. Right," said Ron. "Doesn't surprise me that you're gay. But you, Harry?"
Harry shrugged. "These things happen. And what about you? Snogging Malfoy for the past two days?"
"I haven't snogged Malfoy!" Ron said, sounding surprised. "Who told you that?"
"Well, it seemed kind of obvious," said Harry. "You were gone all day from classes, and Seamus and Dean said you'd gone off with him, and I don't know, it seemed believable enough."
"I'll have you know I was warning people," Ron said huffily. "And I happened to warn Malfoy first. I was on my way to the Slytherin common room, and Dean and Seamus asked where I was going, and I made something up about studying with Malfoy for Charms." He looked sheepish. "Wasn't a very good lie, was it?"
"No," said Harry. "No, it really wasn't."
"Well, anyway, I warned Malfoy, and he did try to make a move on me. Apparently, he already knew. But remember that Bat Bogey Hex?"
"Brilliant," said George, grinning.
"And I told the rest of the Slytherins, because, whatever, no one should have to deal with that, even those gits. Then I went to Hufflepuff, where Ernie McMillan and Zacharias Smith both ... attacked me, I guess."
Harry tried not to laugh at Ron's many misfortunes at the hand of fan fiction. It was not an easy task.
"Then I was trying to figure out how they'd found the stuff," said Ron. "Turns out Hermione doesn't know computers as well as she thinks. She sent a link around, I think it's called a mass mailing or something like that, to everyone at Hogwarts with an e-mail address. They all got the message on Sunday. And unfortunately, most of the people who got it seem to be ... well, not pretty girls."
Now, Harry did laugh, as did George. Ron smiled grudgingly.
"Did get one good thing out of it, though," said Ron. "Romilda Vane snogged me in the Room of Requirement. I went there to hide from all the guys. She found me and, well, put me out of my misery, I guess." Ron put a hand to his mouth. "Oh, hell, what if Hermione finds out?"
"Hermione's done some snogging of her own," said Harry.
"Oh? Who with?" Ron's eyes narrowed.
"Oh, just Millicent Bulstrode," said George before Harry could say anything. "And it was a mistake. Right?"
"Right," Harry said. "She didn't enjoy it. So there's that."
"Oh. Fine. Well, anyway, did she tell you what she's planning on doing?"
Harry nodded. "The Internet. Killing it, or something."
"Right. Well, she left. And I came to find you as soon as I could."
"Why didn't you tell us when you came in?" George asked. "It seems kind of important that we follow her to ... well, where did she go?"
"She wouldn't tell me at first. So I kissed her a few times." Ron looked smug as he continued, "She's in Silicon Valley. It's in America."
"So we have no hope of Apparating there, then," said Harry, putting his head in his hands.
"No, I've been there," George said. "It's one of the places I went over the summer, after ... you know. Well, I didn't go to Silicon Valley, but I did go to California, and I can get us there, and we'll have a taxi do the rest. Or something. I hope."
"Brilliant," said Harry, giving George a kiss and indulging in several more before Ron cleared his throat loudly. "So we're Apparating, then?"
"No. We're Floo-ing." George rubbed his hands together. "Now, let's go see Oliver."