Chapter 9. Out with the Old, In with the New
Mace Windu was a troubled man. Not only had he seen Obi-Wan's version of the battle, but he had glimpsed other things the Force had kept hidden from all the Jedi, except, perhaps, Yoda.
Was his interpretation correct?
In the next moment he forgot what he had seen, for he had seen instead a few tears slip from the Jedi's eyes. His step faltered; should he acknowledge them?
No, Obi-Wan was already emotionally vulnerable. To be seen crying would only reinforce those feelings of personal weakness he had fought past years ago. Seemingly defeated and forgotten, they were now resurfacing. Obi-Wan had to first face them, before anyone could even try to help him deal with them.
Or so Mace hoped.
With a last look at Obi-Wan, Mace left the now sleeping Jedi and entered Qui-Gon's room where Yoda sat, a frown of concentration on his face. His ears swiveled as Mace entered, though he kept his eyes on Qui-Gon.
"Troubled you are."
Oh, really? Aren't we both? Mace restrained his response, settling down in the spare chair and gathering his thoughts.
"Obi-Wan woke. He was a bit agitated and he seemed to need to speak, so healers orders or not, I allowed him. I must admit I'm baffled by what transpired," he said softly. "The two of them got separated during the battle, and for some reason Qui-Gon is blaming his padawan – to the point of shunning him. I just don't understand. Obi-Wan is just as confused as I am, and blaming himself, too."
He told Obi-Wan's story in plain and sparse words. When he was done, Yoda sat quietly, ears curling even more disconsolately.
"Hmm," he finally pronounced, and turned to look at Mace. "Blame there is none. Perhaps the damage to the padawan's mind affected his memory. Wait until Qui-Gon speaks of what happened we should. Talk to young Skywalker we should, too, interesting tale that should be. With the Queen and her entourage he is. With her he is happy and out of the way as well."
Mace grimaced. "The Hero of Naboo," he said darkly, and when Yoda didn't react, elaborated. "Word is he saved the Naboo practically all by himself – the Gungans and Naboo both. I wonder what he would have done should he have faced the Sith, had he slain both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan beforehand?"
"A boy, himself?" Yoda squeezed his eyes shut. "Taken by the Sith, I fear, and one of them become."
Mace frowned. That already angry little boy? He didn't like the sound of that. At all.
It was dark. He remembered falling…falling into darkness, thinking never to wake again. Had he, once? The memory was vague and elusive, if so.
The reason became clear as Qui-Gon tried to shift in bed. Underneath the pleasant sense of drifting was a sharp-edged knife of pain, sharp and yet throbbing at the same time. It radiated throughout his entire body, mind and torso both.
A teeny chuckle, nearly a giggle, escaped him at the thought – two centers of pain – how unique, yet the brain was connected to the head which was connected to the body by this thing called a neck…whoa! Something was very wrong. He felt like he'd drunk ten Corellian whiskeys, his thoughts and muscles uncooperative. This was…was, oh dear – last time he had felt this combination of exaltation and sluggishness was in the healers ward.
He struggled to surface above the drug-induced fog, to wake and seek answers. His eyes shifted sideways, expecting to see his padawan and it took a moment to register his absence. Where was his padawan? He always expected to find Obi-Wan at his side unless he himself were hurt. He sent his awareness questing and found his mind recoiling for he found only murkiness where there once was a bright warm presence.
"Wh…at?" he gasped, and immediately someone was at his side, urging him to lie back and calm himself. "No…no – my padawan?"
Yoda's face swam into his view. Qui-Gon wasn't sure he was hearing him correctly. "Obi-Wan?" He nodded weakly, of course Obi-Wan. Who else?
To his total consternation, Mace's face came into view over Yoda's head. "We wondered," he said sardonically.
He was in an alternate universe; that was it. What was happening? They acted like Obi-Wan – oh, Force. He must have been dreaming that Obi-Wan had come to his side as he lay dying. Obi-Wan was dead. The Sith had killed him, why else did accessing the bond hurt so much?
"He's…dead?" He grasped Yoda's arm with all his strength, hoping for a denial, a shred of hope, a reason to go on.
"Alive he is, in better shape than you physically," Yoda answered, and Mace chimed in, "He's in pretty bad shape otherwise. Do you remember what happened – the fight, anything?"
Concentrating on those memories helped clear the cobwebs from his mind.
"The fight – yes. Obi-Wan and I battled the Sith into another room off the hangar and we – Obi-Wan was knocked off the walkway. He fell and I fought on, alone, into still another room. Obi-Wan couldn't – didn't join me and I – hell, I was skewered!" Qui-Gon looked down at his chest expecting to see a lightsaber piercing it; the memory was so fresh and vivid in his mind. "I don't remember much else. You said Obi-Wan survived – how? Injured how badly?"
The two Council members looked at each other as if debating what to tell Qui-Gon. Force, it was bad if they hesitated. Obi-Wan must be dying…or paralyzed…or something horrible and he couldn't go to his side, to Obi-Wan's side.
Tears sprang to his eyes.
He tried to cast out into the Force once more and this time sensed – ah, yes - him. He was coming…he was on his way.
Before any of them could say anything, the door burst open and a blur of boy under a crown of sandy hair hurtled in and threw himself at the wounded Jedi.
"Qui-Gon, sir, you're awake again!"
"Ani! You're safe!" Qui-Gon struggled to sit upright as the boy dropped to hug him. A heavy weight seemed to lift from his heart. His padawan was not hurt. "Oh, thank the Force you're all right, safe." His full attention was now centered on the boy, his unanswered questions about Obi-Wan forgotten.
Mace cleared his throat. "Qui – you wanted to know about Obi-Wan -."
"Not now, Mace," Qui-Gon interrupted him, just as Anakin spoke up, lower lip thrust out.
"Him? Who cares about him? He didn't protect Qui-Gon. I would have, if I'd been there. He's no good, Master Qui-Gon. We both know he doesn't deserve to be your padawan. What good is he anyway if he can't protect you! He shouldn't even be a Jedi."
"Young Skywalker!" Yoda protested, his shock obvious. "The padawan he saved the master's life at high cost to himself."
"Only 'cuz he endangered it in the first place," the boy shot back, as Qui-Gon nodded in sad agreement. The boy spoke the Force's truth, this child of the Force.
"You're so much more than he'll ever be," Qui-Gon whispered huskily, tousling the boy's hair.
Yoda was scandalized. "This talk stop at once!" he demanded. "Master Qui-Gon, shocked at you I am. Your padawan," and he emphasized the last two words, "he slew the Sith and saved your life he did. Disturbing I find your behavior. Ill, his mind wrenched apart because you broke your bond."
There was such sadness, such heartbreak in Yoda's "broke." The implication was clear: the bond had been shattered. A dissolution in the most destructive way possible, traumatic to both parties if both survived the cause of the rupture, for the death of one was usually the precipitating cause.
Now Qui-Gon understood why his mind hurt so much more than his midsection, for painkillers were only mildly effective against such trauma.
There were safeguards normally in place, set to trigger shields so that the death of either the master or padawan did not all but destroy the other's mind, even if the death came without warning or preparation.
Why would Obi-Wan do such a thing, risk such pain to them both over mere petulance and jealousy? He would never do something that cruel; obviously his former padawan still harbored deep resentment against both him and young Anakin and had retaliated in a childish and most un-Jedi-like manner by accusing him of such actions.
He only recognized his former padawan's character now, placed in contrast to the young boy from Tatooine. Regardless of how he could have so misread Obi-Wan's character, it was something to ponder at another time; for now, it meant only one thing.
He beamed as he reached for Anakin's hand and patted it.
"Anakin, I'm now free to take you as a padawan as it appears I have none, should you still wish to be trained by me."
Anakin's squeal of delight drowned out Mace's protest and Yoda's cane thumping.
Delight and outrage surged outwards, a cresting wave in the Force.
In the room next door, the sleeping Jedi wept.