Have I told you lately that I love you guys?

NekoRoma

Chapter Eighteen: Diagnosis

With a horrid start on Monday, waking up again with coughing and blood and nightmares, Lovino was shaking lightly when Matthew came to pick him up.

Lovino stared down at his plate that Kiku had placed before him. Eggs, bacon, pancakes that Matthew made. His stomach was gnawing with hunger, but he couldn't bring himself to eat anything.

"Lovino … you need to eat something …" Matthew urged, "and you should probably calm down, as well … you're probably fine … it seems to me your coughing is the problem. I just need to examine your lungs, throat and what not to find out what's wrong. Cough syrup might be all you need …"

This seemed to help him a little bit and the Italian began eating. He managed to push down a few bites of everything, but only just enough to satisfy his stomach and the people around him. Part of him wished that he could be with Antonio while he got his examination, but then he just had to recall those awful words the Spaniard had said.

Kiku wished him luck and waved him off as Matthew pulled out of the driveway with Lovino in the passenger seat, telling him he'd see him in a few when he made his way to work.

"Don't worry, Lovino …" Matthew whispered.

Lovino nodded and leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. Before … he had been the one trying to convince Antonio that he was fine … now he was the one shaking, worried about why he was spitting up blood.

They reached the building and Lovino became unnerved. Of course he should have realized that it was the same animal care establishment that Antonio worked at. Luckily, Antonio wasn't at the front desk when he walked inside with Matthew, however Ludwig was walking through the halls.

"Lovino!" the German man frowned, walking up.

"Good morning, Ludwig." Matthew grabbed Lovino's sleeve to urge him along.

"Wait … Antonio is looking for yo-"

"Don't fucking mention that name to me again, potato bastard." Lovino hissed, "I've moved on. I've moved out! I'm just as much a human as you or Feliciano! I have rights now! So leave me alone … I don't want anything to do with him." Lovino quickly walked with Matthew to his office. He refused to cry.

"Okay, take off your jacket and shirt and sit on that stool over there. I'm going to run a few little basic tests and then I'm going to try and get a good look at what's going on inside of you, okay?"

Lovino nodded and did as he was told. Matthew listened to his breathing, checked his temperature and a few things like that, including reflexes.

"Do you cough like that any other time in the day?"

"No. just after the nightmare."

Matthew frowned, "Nightmare?"

Lovino sighed, "Every night since I was turned human, I've had this nightmare … I wake up from it and begin coughing, sweating and just feeling ill. Three or so days ago I coughed up blood. That hasn't gone away."

The Canadian vet told Lovino to open his mouth. He peered inside and sighed, "No obstructions, no lacerations, no reddening … nothing … from what I can see, your throat is fine … your lungs are fine … no fluids, at least." he found the x-ray equipment and set it up, "come stand in front of this. Sorry it's a bit weird, these are smaller for cats and dogs and other little creatures."

The Italian smiled lightly, "You're the first person to consider me a human …"

Matthew smiled, "You're one of the only people I know who can see me, or at least remember my name."

"What do you mean?"

"For the most part, no one knows I exist," he set up the machine in front of Lovino's chest, "They ignore me, forget me, or something similar. Gilbert, my boyfriend, you and, occasionally, my brother remember who I am. Sometimes my cousin, Francis can see me, but it's only when Gil is around."

"Wait!" Lovino stared, "You're that potato's boyfriend?"

Matthew chuckled, "Yeah," he smiled, telling Lovino to sit still and hold his breath, "I take it you know him?" he hit the button.

Lovino nodded, "He used to come over all the time and hang out with that tomato bastard."

"Alright, lemme get these developed and we'll see what's going on in there."

A little while later, Matthew came back from a back room with black and white sheets. He set them up on a light and flipped the switch. Lovino slipped his shirt back on and walked up, "So?"

Matthew looked at the images, confused, "Well … bones are perfectly normal and your insides are perfectly human … however … you see this over here?" he pointed to a dark spot on the outsides of the lungs, "This … is major tissue damage … something … is … tearing you up from the inside out …" he looked at Lovino, "From what I can tell … it's not only effecting your lungs … but is spreading …" his voice began to choke up.

Lovino's heart fell, "So … what's that mean for me? Some cough syrup? Surgery?"

The Canadian covered his mouth lightly, tears welling up, "You're dying … if it's going as fast as I think it is, having only started about a week or whenever you became a human …" he froze, not able to say anymore. Lovino didn't need to hear it. He smiled softly, "Thanks, Mattie. I'm glad you told me … maybe you're wrong, you know? Maybe I'm fine and that machine just messed up 'cause I'm human … who knows … anyway … I'm just going to … go now …"

"Where are you going to go?" Matthew asked, wiping away his tears. Telling a man he was going to die was something Matthew never thought he'd have to do.

Lovino shrugged, "Probably go for a walk … maybe make Antonio apologize a hundred times so I can forgive him before I … well … see ya …" the man pulled his jacket on and bit his lip, leaving the office. He kept his feelings in check as he walked down the hall. The front doors came into view, but he frowned since it was raining outside.

What wonderful weather for such a wonderful day … he thought bitterly.

"Lovi? Oh god … Lovi!" Lovino froze and turned to see a haggard Antonio sitting at the desk. He sent the man a half-hearted glare and turned to keep walking outside.

Antonio jumped up from his chair and rushed over to Lovino, wrapping his arms around the smaller frame, "I was so worried … I couldn't find you anywhere!"

"That's because I was avoiding you." Lovino muttered.

The Spaniard chuckled and turned Lovino around to face him, "Please come home … I honestly didn't mean to say those things to you. I don't mean any of them …" he looked a tad bit guilty, "When I'm under stress or my emotional limit is breaking or when I drink too much … an alternate, more aggressive personality takes over … I didn't want to talk about those awful things Roderich said about you … and I snapped … I'm so, so sorry, Lovi~! Please forgive me … please come home … I miss you!"

Lovino stared at him, looking over his face, his eyes, his nose … his lips … as much as he was angry … he wanted to forgive Antonio and hug him and just let things go back to how they were.

Hell … he was dying … he mind as well forgive the bastard. Lovino flung his arms around Antonio and buried his head in the man's chest.

"You ever fucking say anything like that again, I'll rip your balls off and shove them up your ass …"

Antonio laughed happily and hugged Lovino back. He rubbed the smaller male's back and kissed the top of his head, "I'm so glad … so happy …"

Lovino just kept his eyes closed and held Antonio, enjoying the feeling of being in the man's arms again.

"Oh! Lovino! I'm glad you're still here and that you've apparently made up with Antonio," Matthew ran up, "Here." he held up a piece of paper, "I managed to find a prescription that might help a lot."

"Prescription?" Antonio asked, confused. Lovino took the prescription and looked it over, "Thanks, Mattie …" he tucked it in his pocket.

"Prescription for what?" Antonio pried again.

Matthew frowned lightly, but walked back to his office.

"Lovi … what's going on?"

Lovino looked at Antonio, "Nothing, just a small cough … let's just go sit down."

They sat down, Antonio at his desk, Lovino on it. The Italian leaned back and kicked his legs, "I got a job … working with Kiku and Yong Soo at the book store … I had to quit … but I might be able to go back …"

The doors opened and Kiku came walking in, "Oh, Lovino-san, what did Matthew say? Good morning Carriedo-san."

Lovino looked at Kiku and smiled sadly, "Ask him yourself." Kiku nodded and walked on to his own office.

"So everyone knows what's wrong with you, but me?" Antonio frowned, "Do you hate me that much for what I said?"

"No, you stupid bastard …" Lovino sighed, "I'll tell you later, at home." Antonio nodded and nothing else was said between them the rest of the work day.

At the apartment, after Lovino thanked Kiku for taking him in and went to the drug store to fill his prescription, he welcomed the familiarity that was Antonio's apartment. He kicked off his shoes and flung the jacket and hat to the floor and stretched his arms out, "Gonna go shower, okay, bastard …"

Antonio nodded, but frowned lightly, still upset Lovino still wouldn't tell him. Half an hour later, Lovino came out of the bathroom, clean and content. He skipped dinner, which upset Antonio, and flopped onto the couch with a pillow and blanket.

"Why are you sleeping on the couch, Lovi?" the man asked, sitting on the edge of the couch.

Lovino shrugged, staring at the lion walking across the grass, "Tired of giving people the wrong impression. Normal humans don't share beds with other unless siblings, related, or romantically involved. You should know that, bastard … you're human."

The Spaniard frowned lightly, "O-okay … um … will you tell me now?"

His heart skipped a beat as he looked up at Antonio. He didn't want to tell him. He wanted Antonio to be oblivious until the very end, "I …" he started, but the words were getting caught in his throat.

"Yeah?"

Lovino sat up and moved beside Antonio, "Listen … it's not that big of a deal, but I'm …"

"You're what, Lovi?" Antonio smiled, urging Lovino to continue.

"I'm …" going to die … dying … sick … no matter what came to mind, he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence, but he just had to finish it with something! "I'm ... I'm in love with you!" he blurted, in a panic. His face heated up red. That was not what he meant to say! "Wait! That's not what I meant to say! Oh fuck!"

He covered his face with his hands, not caring to see Antonio's look of disgust or hatred or despise for him. While he had come to terms on the day before, that he did love Antonio, he never wanted to tell him.

"Y-you what?" Antonio looked at Lovino. Somehow, he knew that's not what Lovino had been trying to tell him, but … what?

"I didn't mean that, stupid bastard!" Lovino growled, "I meant to say something else, but that came out inst-"

His words were cut short by Antonio's lips pressed tightly against his. Lovino's heart leaped in his chest. Was this a kiss? He was … kissing Antonio! Lovino melted and let his eyes fall closed as he leaned into Antonio and kissed him back.

The man's hands wrapped around Lovino's waist and Lovino's went around Antonio's neck. They broke for air and Lovino blushed a crimson color. Antonio just gaped, not even sure why he did what he did, "I … I'm sorry … I shouldn't have done that …" Antonio pushed Lovino away and turned his body, "I mean … you are … were … my cat … and this … it's weird and wrong on so many levels …"

Lovino glared, feeling his heart breaking again. Antonio had just dangled something he'd wanted to badly in front of him and pulled it away and called him a cat again.

"I'm not a fucking cat anymore. Herakles said some animals are born with human like minds! All we need is the body to fucking match …" Lovino felt his blood boiling, "You know what? Fuck this shit … I'm done … I'm not taking the stupid medicine …"

Antonio looked at him, "I know you're not a cat … but … I can't … I mean … I'm sorry."

Tears welled up in Lovino's eyes and his slammed his fist into Antonio's shoulder, "Fuck you, bastard. Just go away. Let me sleep. I told you, I don't love you! That was an accident."

"But-"

"I meant to say that I'm fucking dying! In a few days, I'll be dead! In a few days ..." Lovino pulled his blanket around his shoulders and he laid himself down and rolled away from Antonio, regretting letting his anger get the better of him. However, at that moment, all Lovino wanted was to see Antonio hurting ... like he was.

"Wh-what?" Antonio paled, "You … you can't be dying … how?"

"My lungs are deteriorating …" Lovino whispered.

Antonio felt his heart shatter. He loved Lovino, sure, but in that way? Yes ... He loved him … but it just … he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact Lovino being human. He reached out to touch Lovino … to take it all back … to say fuck it and have some sort of happiness for the last few days … but he couldn't. How did Herakles and Kiku have a relationship when one of them used to be a cat?

Lovino seemed to already be asleep, so Antonio sighed and stood up to grab his phone. He dialed Kiku's number and smiled when he got an answer.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice answered.

"Oh … is Kiku there?"

"One second, Kiku … it's for you."

"Hello?" Kiku muttered, taking the phone from Herakles.

"Kiku, hey, it's me, Antonio … I have a really important question to ask you … is it … weird or wrong for me to have a relationship with Lovino?" he shifted his weight on his feet to lean against the wall.

Kiku remained silent for a moment, "Why would it be weird or wrong? Because he's sick?"

"No … because … because of him having been a cat … I mean … you're in the same boat as me … Herakles was a cat, right? How can you be with him, knowing that?"

"Simple. Because he's not a cat anymore. You see, the way I see it is that it's like a man who feels like he's a woman trapped in a man's body or vice versa.

"In this instance, it's a man trapped in a cat's body. He was able to get a change and finally have the body his mind and soul was meant to have. Lovino is the same. He is a man trapped in a cat's body and he finally got something he needed."

Antonio looked over at Lovino's sleeping form and smiled, "I see … so … if I were to love him … it wouldn't be wrong?"

"I don't see a problem with it …"

"Thank you … I'll … I'll see you later …" he hung up the phone and walked across the living room to sit down on the couch. He jumped in surprise when Lovino rolled his head back.

"Fucking bastard … go away. I'm trying to sleep."

Antonio looked at him, "D-did you hear all of that?"

"Of course, shit head … you're fucking loud when you're talking."

The Spaniard blushed, slightly embarrassed, "So … um …"

"If you're not going to hold me, then go away." Antonio smiled at the words and laid down beside Lovino and wrapped his arms around him.

"I … I love you, Lovi … I'm sorry it took so long for me to be able to tell you that, but I do …" he buried his face into Lovino's neck.

Lovino blushed and closed his eyes, "I love you, too …"

I don't really like the first confession part -_- to tell the truth ... oh well ... it's done ... this chapter ...DX

what did you guys think?

~Lady Pyrien