This is probably my favorite chapter so far. Hope it doesn't stink. Anyway, review, my readers, and I shall write more.
I don't own Transformers.
They came for her at dawn, the next day.
The next day. The day after the day in which she had gotten a parking ticket and then, twenty minutes later, had gotten crapped on by some pigeon.
Damn pigeon.
The whole ordeal had ended with her being towed away by Optimus Prime himself – yes towed, like a car – down miles and miles of road and all the way back to the old house where Ratchet was waiting, alone, seething quietly. Sam and Trina were nowhere in sight.
He had quickly, and painfully, removed the microchip from her hood, the feeling disappearing quickly, like when you bang your toe or arm. Quick, then the aftershock leaving her gasping for air even though, technically, she didn't breathe.
He had looked at the chip with fascination, his anger at Mikaela quickly evaporating, shooting Optimus a look before sauntering off around the house, disappearing from view and leaving Optimus and Mikaela alone.
Mikaela rubbed her sore arms and stared down at the ground. They had stopped on the dirt road that led to the house, a little ways away from the actual compound, which meant a little ways away from Sam. A little ways away to the last shred of her humanity.
She couldn't look at Optimus. Not now, with him staring down at her, looking as disappointed as she was. Except for that Mikaela was disappointed at herself.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Following that human into the woods. Should have known that it had been some kind of trap.
She felt Optimus' disheartened gaze boring holes into the top of her head and she wished he would just hurry up and talk already.
"Mikaela-"
"I know, alright! I know that it was stupid and reckless and…." Mikaela shook her head, door wings sagging ever so slightly. She looked up at Prime. "What can I say? I'm curious."
"Your 'curiosity' was what nearly got you offlined, Mikaela. Had you no sense when you went running off, heedless, unaware that you were not only putting yourself in danger, but everyone else as well?" He was begging for Mikaela to understand, it seemed, and Mikaela could only stare down at the ground in shame.
"I wasn't thinking," she mumbled.
"I agree," Optimus was silent. Then, softly, so softly that Mikaela barely saw his lip plates move, he said, "did he harm you?"
"He...threw me."
The sudden flash of anger in Prime's optics had Mikaela stepping back.
"Megatron," Optimus pinched the bridge of his nose. "His signal disappeared right after we found….the remains of the human," Optimus shot a glance off towards the dark woods. "I assumed…we assumed that he was pursuing you."
"He wasn't," Mikaela cringed and rubbed at her neck, remembering those talons curling around her throat, throwing her around like a rag doll. "He let me go, really. Could have chased me, but he didn't."
"Did he recognize you?"
"He…" Mikaela trailed off and stared. She had longed to avoid the topic in any ways necessary. She knew Roadrunners history, how the whole double-cross thing had pretty much shattered Prime's still beating spark. Talking about it would just tear a bigger hole and make Mikaela feel like even more of an intrusive ass.
But this time, the topic was inevitable.
"Yes."
"Did he say the name?"
"Yes. He said that I was still his. I didn't believe it."
The look of sadness Optimus shot her made Mikaela want to fall to her knees and beg for forgiveness. Life was cruel, she knew, but why so cruel that it had to shatter her humanity, tearing it away strip by strip, and then transfer her into a new body?
A body that was, chillingly, the body of Optimus Prime's past lover? A body that had been abused by the one mech Mikaela despised most?
The guilt was almost unbearable. It clawed at her spark, eating through it like some horror-ridden disease bred out of her own nightmare.
"I am just glad that you were returned home safe."
"Safe," Mikaela snorted. "Yeah. That was a nasty shock back there."
"I apologize for not coming to your aid sooner. We ran into a few obstacles on the way."
"Decepticons? Or humans? At this point, you have to watch your back all the time."
"I never intended for members of the human race to be our enemies," Optimus sighed and shook his head sadly. "But I have found that humans fear what they cannot understand."
"I hear you," Mikaela sighed. "It's what's driven our planet to so many fights…so many wars and so much destruction."
"The human species will grow over time, Mikaela, as will you," Optimus placed a hand on her shoulder. "This planet is unlike any I have ever seen before," he seemed to trail off, staring out up at the blue sky, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "To think of all the similarities between humans and Cybertronians's….Ratchet and I have both agreed that it is quite extraordinary."
"I thought Ratchet hated humans?" Mikaela said, tilting her head to the side.
"Not all humans. Just the ones that get on his processors."
"He and Ironhide both crack me up," Mikaela gave a small, metallic laugh. "Ratchet with his science and Ironhide with his over sized pea shooters. They make quite the combination, once you think about it."
"Combination…" Optimus looked at the ground, sighed, and then straightened up.
"Was it something I said?" Mikaela asked softly.
"No, Mikaela."
Silence. The conversation had gone from awkward to friendly to awkward in a matter of moments.
"Sam wishes to see you. The boy hasn't stopped asking of your whereabouts since you disappeared," Optimus began walking and Mikaela followed beside him. The house was coming into view, surrounded by a cluster of trees.
"He probably doesn't want me anymore," Mikaela said quietly. "Not after…surely not after after…"
"If he truly cares for you, he will accept who you are without question."
"Still….Ratchet should have let me die," Mikaela said softly.
"Yet he did not," Optimus began walking faster. "Ratchet was following my orders."
Mikaela wanted to leave it at that, but something was irking her, raking at the back of her processors.
She hadn't thought about it much, but she could sometimes feel Roadrunner's dead conscious inside her. Like pieces of the Decepticon were still left behind, having escaped Ratchets fruitless attempt at termination. That explained why she sometimes felt such contempt towards humans. It wasn't programming – it had just been the nature of Roadrunner and therefore the nature of Mikaela.
She could see the memories, random flashes.
Feel emotions. Love. Joy. Hate. Pleasure. All balled up into one. Memories, clips, really, of Optimus and Roadrunner, holding hands like some old married couple and laughing and smiling.
Just memories. But memories weren't memories if they hadn't actually happen.
Which was why Mikaela had a sinking feeling in the pit of her tanks, a feeling of desolation regarding the reason why Optimus hadn't just let her die in the first place, and had ordered Ratchet to place her in the body of his dead old mate.
Coincidental. It had to be coincidental because there was nothing else it could be.
Then why did Mikaela feel sick down to her core?
A day later, Ratchet helped Mikaela finally set up her holoform. And after that he had secluded himself in the shed, trying to figure out the whole edifice of one, tiny microchip that had – metaphorically – brought a Cybertronian to its knees.
It was her first step out of rehab, it seemed, other than transforming. She had taught that too herself and wasn't afraid to flaunt her new skill. She would drive around, tires kicking up dirt and dust, most of the time aiming for Ratchet or Trina. It was fun. Entertainment at its best.
The holoform looked like herself, was herself, really, minus everything that made it internally human. Same hair, same pink lips, same green eyes, but inside her wasn't a heart that pumped blood or lungs that longed for air, no. It was just an unsystematic mass of molecules and atoms created by her very own mind.
Sure, it felt weird to be shorter again, to be able to lean against Ratchet or Bumblebee's foot and not knock him over. Weird to be able to look right into Trina's eyes and not down at her.
It was human but not human. Fake but not fake. Mikaela knew because her senses were still hyped up, her hearing was still the same and everything, like transforming for the first time, was downright weird.
It was night when she finally found Sam alone, behind the house and lounging by the old, tarp covered pool that looked as if it hadn't been cleaned in years. Alone from the prying eyes of the Autobots. Just the two of them, Mikaela approaching cautiously, taking timid, dainty steps using her human legs. Trying to be a master of stealth.
That plan failed when she almost tripped in a puddle. She yelped and scrambled, Sam turning around from his position in the lawn chair and staring at her with raised eyebrows, dark eyes twinkling in the dim glow of the lights.
"Nice try, babe. A for effort."
"Oh, shut it," Mikaela said playfully, coming to sit in his lap, resting her head against his chest.
Everything was normal, right?
"I missed you."
"Missed you, too."
The words were spoken quickly, almost abruptly, and Mikaela knew she'd better make a comment before Sam made his own.
"I know that this is probably weird for you…" Mikaela snorted and shook her head. "Rephrase that: yeah, this is weird."
"Can you feel me?"
Mikaela turned and looked his straight in the eye, touching the side of his face, almost hesitantly.
"Yeah."
"Can you feel any pain?" Sam tilted his head to the side. "Do Cybertronians's feel pain?"
"I felt pain when Megatron threw me against a tree," she replied bitterly. "Is that a throughout enough answer for you?"
"My bad for asking."
"I don't blame you for wondering," Mikaela leaned against him. "I sometimes wonder myself whether or not this whole thing is going to work out. Whether I really deserve to be alive…."
"Why wouldn't you deserve to be alive?"
Mikaela opened her mouth, and then closed it. The whole Roadrunner situation was between her and Optimus, but she could tell that Sam knew something was up. No need the fan the flames of a future rejection.
"It's complicated."
"I know," Sam said. "This whole thing is complicated. Everything is complicated and I'm almost a little anxious to see how this all goes down."
"I like complicated guys."
"I know you do."
Sam leaned in and kissed her.
It felt like her first kiss. Lips paring, fingers massaging her back and fingers playing with her hair, the sensation feeling like nothing she had ever experienced. And maybe it was because it was her first time perceiving intimacy so differently. She could feel Sam's beating heart against hers, feel every little jolt or shock.
Something in the back of her mind was screaming, and Mikaela had to pull away, acting like she needed air to breathe.
A pretty futile attempt considering the fact that Cybertronians didn't breathe in the first place.
"I'm sorry-"
"I shouldn't have-"
"Its not your fault," Mikaela said quickly, hopping off Sam's lap and pulling her fake jacket around her fake, human shoulders and staring at her boyfriend with a look of sadness.
"Maybe we should try again…you know…later."
"Yeah."
"So, um, I guess this is goodnight?"
"I guess."
"I'll see you in the morning?" Mikaela inquired. Then mentally slapped herself because it wasn't like he was going anywhere.
Sam gave a small smile and nodded. "Yeah. Goodnight."
Mikaela deactivated the holoform, the action as easy as taking a step, before Sam could say another word.