Chapter Four – Loss of appetite

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted, big smiles =D I am so grateful for the response this story has received.

Calzona: Thankyou =) Means alot!

Katie: Expect me to be crap did you love? I love you too! I don't doubt it you let me know often enough. Yep you can refresh my memory anytime baby =P

Quinn: I hope so!

abbierena: Yep they are wicked! Sorry it made you sad=( I feel bad for them too, almost makes me feel guilty about messing with them . . . almost LOL. She is torn poor thing, I would be too I think.

underc0vergirl: It is different I admit but I thought that different is good and I wanted to write it where Olivia didn't know Kathleen as child so it wouldn't be weird.

prentiss-be-mine: LOL I loved you reviews. Made me smile. I know what you mean, Ashley Olsen is better looking. She is screwed LOL.

shadow-emotions2: Yeah I wanted Kathleen to seek Olivia out. I'm not sure yet, Kevin may play a bigger role, he is in this chapter but I don't know if he will be again. We'll see.

MWlover8: Thanks =)

Oh and I forgot to add a disclaimer to my last chapters, it really goes without saying though, I DO NOT OWN SVU! So here is more of the story, hope you enjoy!

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

"Thanks for coming Olivia; I would have totally picked a dress that made me look frumpy!" Casey thanked Olivia. "You're a life saver; I really want this girl to like me."

"You're welcome sweetie. But I have to go now. I am starving and I need to grab a bite before I head back to the precinct." Olivia apologised before kissing her friends cheek and parting with a wave.

"Thanks again" Casey called after her.

Olivia laughed; finding it hilarious Casey had asked her for fashion advice out of all her fancy lawyer friends. Casey had said that she could trust her to be honest and that she didn't trust half of the 'fancy lawyer friends' she had. "I mean who would go to a lawyer for honest advice? I'm a lawyer Olivia and even I wouldn't ask one." Casey had joked.

Olivia continued on her way through the busy mall passing by excited pre teens and the occasional old lady. Olivia smiled thinking how the mall was one of the only places that occupied both teenagers and the elderly.

Catching sight of the food court Olivia decided to treat herself. She had planned on grabbing a fresh salad in the cafe down the road but couldn't resist the appetising smells filling her nostrils from the many stores. Deciding on a McDonalds she approached the surprisingly small cue.

After purchasing her cheeseburger and fries from a very bored, very young looking pimply teenager she found an empty table and sat down, liking that she found a table off to the side so that she could people watch and not have anyone people watch her. This became her favourite hobby as a child, she had loved to find a place to sit down and watch the happy children of her old neighbourhood who had mommies and daddies that would take them to the park, or older brothers and sisters who would play with them. Back then was when her longing for a real family had started and that's why Elliot had grown to mean so much to her, he literally was her family.

She unwrapped her tasty meal and allowed her gaze to flitter over the crowd of people of all ages, spotting elderly couples chatting over a newspaper and their meal, a group of teenagers gossiping and showing off their latest purchase, Olivia smiled at their happy innocent faces, she loved the innocence she found in the children she was required to her through being a victim, she'd often find herself hoping that they would always be that way, innocent and untouched by the evil she battled daily. Never to know of the evils that surrounded them.

As she continued to eat and look around her she spotted a head of familiar blonde hair and gulped almost choking on her food. Kathleen. Was. Here. Jesus I had finally managed to stop thinking about her for . . . darn has it really only been an hour and 7 minutes. I'm a looser!

Olivia quickly realised that Kathleen wasn't alone. She was with a boy. Kevin? Jealousy churned through Olivia and made her want to run over and tell him to get lost but rationality stopped her. But the realisation that Kathleen was laughing at something that boy had said left a bitter taste in her mouth. That should be me! I should be the one to make her smile like that.

Olivia sat there for ages just watching them, their interactions, and the way the boy would not so subtly move closer to her and touch her when he spoke. What pissed her off was that Kathleen wasn't stopping him. Push him away Kathleen, please. Olivia silently cried inside.

Olivia's barely touched meal had long gone cold, not that she cared, she no longer had an appetite. But she stayed just to watch them. Pondering going over but then again knowing she shouldn't. She realised this was bordering on stalker like activities, sitting there just watching the young couple. She was about to gather her rubbish and when she saw it.

The attractive young boy leant forward and placed his hand on Kathleen's shoulder before slipping it around her and encouraging her to sit on his lap. The sight hurt Olivia but she couldn't force herself to look away. Kathleen slid out of her own seat and sat on his lap, Olivia gasped telling herself to look away but she couldn't. The boy ran his hand through Kathleen's hair, the way Olivia had dreamed of doing. She gripped the table, her knuckles white.

Kathleen smiled shyly at the boy, and Olivia felt sick. Bile rose in her throat. How could she do this? But then she remembered that Kathleen wasn't hers and that she had no right to feel this was, but it was agony.

He leaned forward and whispered something in her ear, making her blush. Agony crushed Olivia like a boulder. Her head swam with thoughts of the many times she had made Kathleen blush at the park. She longed to know what he'd said to her.

And then the boy leaned closer, and Olivia held her breath willing Kathleen to pull away. Silently praying to a God that she didn't believe in. He leaned closer still and Olivia thought she saw Kathleen go to push him away before Kathleen seemed to realise something sadly and then she herself leaned forward as if trying to make herself forget something. Someone?

That's when it happened and Olivia thought she would die from the pain it caused her. She held her hand to her mouth as silent tears poured from her face, as she watched the girl she was falling for intimately kissing someone else.

The kiss seemed to last forever before Kathleen pushed him away and fled from the table. She had almost left the confines of the food court when her eyes connected with Olivia's. She stopped dead seeing her tearstained face and her glossy filled eyes.

Olivia saw her begin to approach; she shook the hurt from her face and angrily brushed away her tears. Ashamed to be caught crying.

She quickly got up uncharacteristically leaving her rubbish at the table and raced away from the approaching beauty.

"Olivia wait . . ." Kathleen called after her feeling incredibly guilty over what Olivia had so clearly just witnessed.

Kathleen raced to catch up wishing she could run faster. God why did she have to fall for someone who was used to chasing perps all day? She would never catch up.

Kathleen followed Olivia out to the car park and over to her unmarked car dodging shoppers the whole way. Olivia was struggling with her key as tears clouded her vision. Kathleen reached out and used her weight to make Olivia face her, but Olivia was stronger and refused to turn around. She continued facing the car trying to compose herself.

"Please look at me Olivia," Kathleen begged.

Olivia heard the pain in the young woman's voice and reluctantly turned around.

"What do you want Kathleen?" the detective spat.

Kathleen blanched. "I'm sorry you saw me making out with Kevin."

Olivia felt sick again at the words and more tears sprung to her eyes.

Kathleen instantly regretted her choice of words, "dammit I just mean, God I'm sorry Olivia but you are the one who doesn't want to try us out. You are the one who turned me away."

Olivia flinched at Kathleen's words. "I know but I didn't need to see that!"

"How was I supposed to know you'd be there?" Kathleen cried.

"I don't know . . . I'm sorry Kathleen. Really but . . . all I know is seeing you in there . . . on that guys lap . . . being all cute and blushing . . . and then when he kissed you . . . that fucking hurt."

"I'm sorry. What more do you want me to say? That I wish it was your lap I was sitting on? That I would give anything for you to be the one kissing me? Because I do but what good will that do me?" Olivia smiled through Kathleen's speech making Kathleen angrier.

"What the hell are you smiling for? I'm trying here Olivia." Kathleen snapped, making Olivia's grin grow.

"I'm sorry it's just angry you is cute, and kinda sexy"

"Not helping any!"

"I know . . . ughh . . . how the hell did we get here?"

"Well, you saw what you saw and then . . ."

Olivia started laughing, "that was rhetorical you idiot".

"Oh," Kathleen blushed. "Sorry".

"Don't be, I think it's cute." Olivia knew she was just making things worse by flirting but she couldn't help it. This girl made her do some pretty crazy things, like run out of a food court in tears.

"I really am sorry Olivia. If it's worth anything I wasn't even going to kiss him but all I could think about was how you didn't want me and how you would never kiss me like that and I pushed him away as soon as you popped into my head for the second time." Kathleen faltered before continuing, "I think about you a lot, Kissing you . . . touching you".

Olivia felt a familiar sensation in her stomach, a squirmy, half-frightening, half-pleasurable feeling. She had it bad for this girl and had to leave before she did something stupid.

"I'm sorry I have to go" she pulled open her car door and sped through the car park. Surprisingly she didn't cause an accident but had to show her badge and tell another officer that she was on the way to a pick up a suspect on the run to get away from them.

That night Olivia found herself daydreaming when she was trying to force herself to go to sleep. She imagined a different ending to what had happened that day, she imagined that it was herself leaning closer to Kathleen; she could almost feel the touch of her lips on her own.

A/N: So Kathleen wants to kiss and touch Olivia? Olivia is pretty freaking jealous? Like it? Love it? Hate it? Review it?