Title:It Had To Be You
Warnings:Slash. Spoilers up to the end of sixth season.
Pairings: Hotch/Reid
Summary: Sometimes you don't realize what's right in front of you until it's too late. Sometimes you realize it just in time to have it.
Word count: Around 6000.
DISCLAIMER: The Mark Gordon Company, ABC Studios and CBS Paramount Network Television own Criminal Minds. I just took them out to play and I promise put them back when I'm done.
Author's note: Large part of this particular chapter was written with second chapter and I had no problem with that part. It was the second part that proved to be problematic and the way it turned out after bouncing it against the wall took a while. But as it is I'm rather proud of it, and for the record I'm still not done because this story has an ending I wouldn't give up for the world. So yeah there will be chapter four and hopefully you won't have to wait six months for it.
Feedback is welcomed with open arms.
It Had To Be You
Chapter three: Butt Planted.
Reid wasn't at home, Aaron checked. Inside and outside. Of course breaking and entering was invasion of Reid's privacy but Reid lost that right in the moment he decided to pull Gideon and Aaron was going to make sure that Reid knew it.
Reid's security system fully deserved the adjective shitty and for a terrace house in Georgetown it was saying something. Aaron didn't have to look long for spare keys. Two deadbolts and one standard lock, the keys were on the drive wall hidden behind a lose brick. Standard. Pedestrian. Un-Reidish.
Aaron disarmed the code on the first try. Reid mother's birthday. He closed the door the same way he found them and planted himself on the stairs.
Reid was leaving BAU. Reid was leaving BAU. Reid. Was. Leaving. BAU. Fuck!
He didn't know why this realization was angering him so much.
Aaron couldn't imagine BAU without Reid. He just couldn't. Reid's empty desk, next to Emily's empty desk. No dusty tomes spread across it. No post-it notes on the walls. No pens discarded across it. No card-houses on a slow day. No physic magic. There will be no more of sharing Reid's highly guarded stack of Kopi Luwac over Garcia's cookies. No more arguments over definitions of academic terms, no more discussions concerning pop-culture references Reid refused to get or just pretended to not get for the sake of amusement. There will be none of it because there won't be Reid.
The bullpen will be empty. Really empty.
That's how he felt. Empty.
The emptiness that wrapped around Aaron terrified him. Technically he shouldn't compare the feeling caused by Reid's sudden transfer out of BAU to Haley moving away from home but irrationally it felt just the same.
Empty. Shallow. Something was missing.
He had time to mull over the conversation he overheard. The tidbits, the implications.
From the way Reid was speaking Aaron was able to pick out the defeated resignation, desperate anger, the same one that accompanies unreturned love. Unreturned love for a man.
Eight years, four years. He didn't know what those dates meant. Not yet. But he had time. If Reid was planning to leave DC then he had to return here first. His go-bag was still by the stairs and heavier luggage wasn't packed either.
Eight years ago Reid was bright-eyed rookie, Aaron's rookie to be exact. He was a pain in the ass I will question you until your brain fries type of rookie. He was good though. Empathic, understanding, likeable, funny and curious… godsend even if Aaron considered himself as an atheist.
He drove them nuts and he drove them forward. His roots in BAU weren't as deep as Aaron's or Dave's but in many ways Reid tramped over Morgan, even if he had been in BAU six months shorter.
Four years ago Reid was recovering from Georgia and still on drugs.
Georgia. Tobias Hankel. Aaron sending Reid with JJ to interview a witness and instead… Images of Reid being beaten by the psychopathic personality of Hankel's father, sociopathic wannabe archangel with a revolver pointed on Reid's head asking him to chose.
Empty shack… Shallow grave… Reid's form hunched over Hankel's body. Aaron pulling him into standing position and that desperate hug and...
"I knew you'd understand…"
He did then. He didn't understand it now.
Why unreturned love to a man was a reason for Reid to leave BAU?
Had it been someone he'd meet after Georgia? Someone from NA? No, it didn't make sense.
Eight years. Four years.
Where was that hypocritical little shit? Still chucking popcorn at ducks? And that woman he had been with was supposed to be a shrink? Where she had found her diploma, in the garbage can or in a cornflakes box?
When his phone rang Aaron almost jumped. The house was too quiet, too dark, too empty...
He looked at the caller's id which read: Jess.
"Hotchner," he said tersely.
"Listen Aaron," Jess said quickly. "Marissa just called, she was held up at the office and she isn't going to make it."
"It's fine," Aaron shrugged. "In fact something came up that requires my attention."
"A case?" Jess asked quickly.
"No," Aaron denied. "Team-connected."
"Did something happen?" Jess's voice sounded slightly alarmed.
"You can say so," he sighed. "Reid is leaving BAU, coward style. Transfer to White Collar Crime Unit and unpaid leave. I'm hoping to knock some sense into him."
"Why it bothers you so much, Aaron?" Jess asked calmly.
"It bothers me because just two days ago I asked whole team that if they will have offers then they should come to talk with me. I hate being blindsided, Jess," he hissed. "And Reid possesses an uncanny ability to blindside me, with bad results."
"And you have an idea what's it all about?"
"Somewhat," Aaron muttered. "He is gay, in love that isn't returned and he doesn't want to be a doormat."
"No one does, Aaron," Jess chided him. "Especially when they are holding onto something for a very long time. Maybe the man he is in love with just doesn't see what is in front of him."
"You don't know that," Aaron huffed.
"You are right, I don't," Jess admitted. "But I can relate. Life is too precious to concentrate on proper, on denying things we want, especially when they aren't hurting anyone."
"It doesn't bother me that he is in love with a man, Jess," Aaron snorted. "He can sleep with whomever he wants."
"Apparently that's his problem," Jess said pointedly. "He wants to sleep with someone who might not acknowledge it as a possibility. But hey, I'm a lowly nurse, not a certified psychologist."
"You are the best nurse I know," Aaron sighed.
"I'm the only one nurse you know, Aaron," Jess chided him. "Do you trust me, Aaron?"
"What kind of a question is that?" Aaron asked skeptically.
"I like you and you are great friend Aaron," Jess said. "Better brother than the one I'm supposed to have… I had a talk with Tom this afternoon and apparently I'm not his sister any longer and I'm forbidden to approach him, his wife or his kids, especially his kids and under no circumstances his wife."
"What happened?" Aaron's voice was controlled but he couldn't stop worry from overtaking his mind.
"Nothing, really," Jess's voice sounded. "I invited them for Independence Day, dinner, fireworks, meeting my girlfriend. We have been together for a while and I wanted to make things a little more official… Does I bother you?"
"Of course not," Aaron protested. "Why it would bother me?"
"Reid does," Jess pointed out. "Which makes me curious. Why does it bother you so much?"
"Because he is a good agent…"
"Agent-schmagent," Jess snorted. "You are pissed off. I know you, Aaron. If it was just about the job you would be coming home, or offering to visit me to cheer me up. If you are starting to think about it, I suggest you don't because I'm not sleeping in my bed tonight and cheering up party will arrive soon. I can bet that if you managed to break into Reid's house you are sitting somewhere with a clear view at the front door, ready to chew him off when he will come and if you didn't you are sitting in front of the front door and ready to do the same. Am I close?"
"No," Aaron lied.
"This is personal, Aaron, this isn't the job and that's why you are angry," Jess said simply. "My question again is, why?"
"I've got to go," Aaron muttered. "Talk to you later. Have fun."
"Don't worry, I will," Jess quipped. "Have a good night."
He hung upon her just in the right moment. Five seconds later the key clicked in the lock, then in another and in another.
Reid went for security alarm right away in dark and Aaron practically could see him frowning. The alarm was disarmed but the door were locked.
"Your security system committed a suicide," Aaron said tersely.
Reid's hand reached for the light switch and after two seconds of blindness Aaron was able to see that Reid's hand rested on his revolver. Good reflex.
"Hotch?" Reid asked nervously. "What you are doing here?"
"Admiring your front door in the dark," Aaron snapped. "I have a fetish for the front doors. Especially the front doors of my agents who are pulling a Gideon."
"I don't understand," Reid shook his head quickly.
"You don't?" Aaron asked sternly. "How about the request for transfer to White-Collar Crime along with request for immediate leave which I found laying on my desk? They have your name on it. Unless BAU have more than one Doctor Spencer Reid… Oh, I forgot, we might not have one any longer."
"Sod off," Reid snapped.
"You are running away without giving us any reasons for leaving, Reid. Have you said goodbye to everyone or it had just been me?" Aaron snapped back.
"I'm not running away," Reid growled.
"You don't? It looks like you do," Aaron snorted. "But go ahead, be a doormat with a different door."
Reid paled, he was always pale but as soon as Aaron said it he practically went white. Aaron stood up from the stairs and started approaching Reid slowly.
"Is it really worth it?" Aaron asked. "Is eight years of experience worth throwing it to the wind for a guy who doesn't want you?"
Reid paled even harder, something Aaron didn't think was possible and Aaron pretty much had backed him into a corner.
Except it wasn't enough. Aaron wanted to shake him until Reid's senses would come back to him. He wanted some goddamn answers. He wanted…
Reid's eyes were wide open with fear and dilated. He pressed himself against the wall and he looked at the door as if he was calculating the odds for escape.
Aaron wasn't planning to let him. He wasn't planning to leave Reid's house without answers.
One step. Two steps. Three steps and Reid didn't have any way to escape now because Aaron was towering in his personal space. He was able to see how uncomfortable it was for Reid, how his breathing got labored, how his shoulders tensed, his eyes fluttered shut.
Aaron leaned even closer so his lips were barely two inches away from Reid's right ear as he said, "Is this what you want, Reid? Is it what you really want? The emptiness your absence is going to leave behind?"
Aaron's hands lowered slowly to rest on the wall next to Reid's head and Aaron could practically feel Reid's shiver.
"All of this for someone who can't appreciate you? Who doesn't want to appreciate you?" Aaron breathed into Reid's ear. "Answer me, Reid!"
He pulled his head away just enough to watch Reid's face when he answered but Reid didn't answer. He just stood there, pressed against the wall, breathing heavily with his eyes closed, lips slightly parted.
Aaron could recite whole Divine Comedy, in Latin, and backwards and Reid wouldn't react, wouldn't move, wouldn't speak, wouldn't open his eyes.
It was a mad idea but in the moment it entered Aaron's brain it was the only idea he had to have Reid react in any way and he already was on the verge of losing Reid for good.
He left his hands where they rested next to Reid's head but then he slowly moved his own head a bit to the right and breathed the air through his nose before he pressed his lips against Reid's knowing that if that wouldn't get him any reaction then nothing would.
Reid's lips were soft against his own and tasted of sugared coffee and rich cherries and Aaron realized to his surprise that the former he expected but the later he did not and yet the combination was so sinfully tasty and so quirkily Reid that Aaron couldn't resist more of it and he sucked on Reid's bottom lip to get more of this wonderful taste.
Rapidly Aaron was becoming aware that while Reid tasted like coffee and cherries he smelt differently, like green apples with a whiff of vanilla smoke clinging to his hair, cigarettes that were not his own because Reid himself didn't smoke.
Reid's scent and taste made such heady combination that Aaron breathed again through his nose and he pressed his mouth against Reid's even harder getting more of cherry flavored coffee taste of Reid's lips and saliva and this time all reservations Aaron might have until this very moment had just flew out of the window.
He needed more than taste, more than smell. He needed contact, needed Reid pressed against his own body, he needed to feel Reid's warmth to keep this slowly rising flame in his gut fueled and spreading all over his body.
He leaned into Reid's body even closer, even harder, pressing Reid to the wall behind his back even more, alternatively nipping and sucking on Reid's bottom lip. Then Reid opened his mouth even more and Aaron went after this wonderful, sinful, heady taste even harder.
He realized dimly that Reid's arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him even closer to his thinner body, even closer to that sinful, wonderful mouth that was robbing all coherent thought from Aaron's brain with every breath Aaron let into Reid's mouth.
Sweet God who would be so foolish to not want this, to not want Reid, to not want that heady combination of sweet coffee, cherries, green apples and dust from the books that was practically coursing through Aaron's blood by now, combination that made him higher than a kite and left him yearning more.
He needed more than the taste, more than smell, more than just the warmth of Reid's body through two barriers of clothing. He needed to feel the flex of muscles under his fingertips, he needed to feel real warmth of Reid's body against his own.
Aaron's right tight slipped between Reid's legs on its own accord and he rubbed it against Reid's crotch. Aaron's action extracted from Reid's mouth a muffled whine that went straight to Aaron's head and then directly to his cock just as Reid strengthened his hold on Aaron's shoulders and opened his legs a little more.
He was drowning in Reid, drowning in everything that was Reid and at the same time he just couldn't get enough of him. His right hand dropped to Reid's ass and Aaron pulled him even more closer as his mind registered that Reid had a very nice ass, not overly big, not overly muscled but just right and firm enough to squeeze, which Aaron did.
He was rewarded by a second whine just as muffled as the first but Reid dropped his hands from Aaron's shoulders to Aaron's collar where his fingers started the job of unbuttoning Aaron's shirt.
They were delicate, teasing and patient and patient right now wasn't Aaron. He let his hands settle on slightly bunched material of Reid's white shirt where it disappeared in Reid's slacks before he pulled at it hard and once the shirt was out of Reid's pants Aaron moved his hands to the front and pulled the shirt with his both hands tearing it apart.
The loss of the barrier opened before Aaron new realm of possibilities, the uncharted territory of Reid's body, the curves of muscles, valleys of ribs, peeks of nipples and Reid...
Only a fool wouldn't want it, only a fool would have refused it and only a fool would not size what was in front of him, keep it firmly in both hands and guard ferociously like the world's most precious treasure.
Aaron Hotchner wasn't a fool and he vowed to himself to chase away from Reid's memory, from his mind the looming shadow of the idiot who did not deserve Reid. Neither did Aaron, he knew that deep inside, he did not deserve it, didn't deserve Reid but knowing that you didn't deserve something doesn't stop you from wanting it regardless and Aaron wanted Reid.
It was this simple, he wanted Reid and he wanted Reid to want him too.
He wrapped his arms around Reid's middle, pulling him closer and closer until their bodies blended together, trapping Reid's hands between them until they sneaked once again around Aaron's neck and shoulders.
Aaron gentled the kiss to simple caress of lips against lips, savoring and dragging out every second into eternity and beyond and letting Reid to calm his rapid breathing, letting him relax the strained muscles of his back except they didn't stop straining and his breathing didn't level out.
The realization that descended on Aaron made him all but grin. He brought Reid this far with a kiss. How far he would be able to bring him with more touch than hands pressed to the small of his back? How many whimpers he would be able to get out of him with more than a simple cares of his hand? How Reid would react if Aaron pressed his hand to his cock? How beautiful he would be stretched out underneath Aaron, slim, sinewy... so gorgeous as Aaron would be sliding in and out of him. How even more heartbreakingly beautiful he would be pushed over the edge of his orgasm?
He didn't remember anything like that happening before with any other woman he had been with and he didn't really remember when was the last time he felt so incredibly turned on and at the same time even more terrified.
Eight years, four years. He understood it now. Resigned 'What I want I'm not going to get', the need leave, the goodbye, the anger.
"What you want Reid?" Aaron asked softly, dotting every word with soft kiss to Reid's jaw. "The truth, tell me the truth. I need to hear it."
"I..." Reid gasped and he licked his bottom lip. "I want..." he whispered as he closed his eyes and opened them again as he whispered even more softly, "You."
This time when Aaron dove in with a kiss he wasn't gentle, he crushed his mouth against Reid's, biting, nipping, sucking at his lips and tongue and pressing his body even harder against Reid's. He let his mouth move to his left, delivering a series of soft nips to Reid's jawline, working his way to Reid's right ear.
When his teeth grazed Reid's earlobe he heard a high-pitched, "Hotch!"
Reid's whole body tensed, his hands dug into Aaron's shoulders and held as Reid gasped out, "Aaron."
That was all it took to make Aaron pull his mouth away from Reid's ear and press them against his lips again, holding Reid as tightly as he could, not even caring if he was going to leave bruises.
Reid was all that mattered at the very moment. His rasped out breaths, lips mouthing Aaron's name against Aaron's mouth, strong, grounding hold of his hands on Aaron.
Beautiful, like Aaron knew he would be.
Angelic.
Precious.
Aaron's...
"Spencer!" he gasped out against Reid's mouth. "Spencer..."
Feedback is love.
Not the end.
M.