Happy Valentine's Day!

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My Thanks and Love to Team SGMR: orangeapeal, robsjenn, Sunshine, and my beta, PaintedTeacherLady.

It wasn't easy to keep this little surprise a secret. Into the woods we go…

Chapter Seven

Catharsis

I walk with her slung over my shoulder into the forest. The only sounds are our ragged, hot breath and damp leaves underfoot. We reach a small clearing, but I continue through. Bella huffs and begins to squirm again. I pin her legs to my chest and continue my journey. Though I have not known her for long, if I know anything about her, it's that she has a place deep in these woods she calls her own. Someplace she hid during childhood, a safe place where she disappeared from the world before she could disappear in front it.

I see something up ahead.

We reach a magnificent clearing—a meadow of sorts, anchored by an ancient hemlock tree on the far end. Next to it, there is a fallen tree with severed branches jutting out in such a way that it looks like an armchair. This is her place. Bella hides here, dreams here, and maybe even cries here. I look up to find an opening in this canopy of trees that perfectly frames the watching full moon. Fully illuminating this space, the silver-blue moonlight glistens off of the dewy moss, grass, and leaves. It is as if we are in the center of the Earth.

I take Bella to the middle of the clearing and carefully place her down on shaky feet. She flares her nostrils and narrows her eyes at me.

"Well…? You brought me out here. What do you expect me to do now?" She snaps.

"I expect you to yell, or scream, or shout, or do something to let all this fury out of you!" My own wordless growl starts deep in my stomach and tears into the night air, reverberating off the walls of this forest. The sound carries with it my hatred for this day, for funerals, for my failures, for my certainty that I could never love Bella well enough and my terror that maybe I could.

I catch my breath and look at her. Bella gapes at me.

"You expect me to do that?" The incredulity in her voice is maddening.

"Yes, Isabella, that is exactly what I expect." I begin to walk in a wide circle around her. I am too committed to this idea to back out now. "I want to hear you, Isabella."

"I… I don't know what to say." She's suddenly embarrassed. When she said good-bye to me, we moved far, far beyond the luxury of embarrassment.

"Start with a sound, any sound." I know I'm sounding harsh, but it's for her own good. With her eyes downcast, she mutters something quietly to herself.

"For the love of God, Bella, would you at least try?"

Bella's head snaps up, "Aaaaaaa." It sounds like Eliza Doolittle practicing her vowels. She tries again, feebly, "Augh." Now she's a pirate, an apathetic one at that. Her eyes follow me as I walk. Is she asking me if I'm satisfied with this display? No, I'm not. Is she mocking me? Does she think this is a joke? I know it's only been a few days, but the nightmares… the inability to cry, to eat… shutting out her friends who only want to help… this has to work. Good Lord, this has to work. Help me make it work.

"Keep trying."

"Aaaaa… Ahhh… Oh, this is fucking stupid. I'm going back."

Oh no you don't. I move to cross in front of Bella's path home. "Yes, go back to the house." She passes me, but I follow, closely, "Go forgive everyone for letting Mike treat you like shit."

Whack! Bella whips around and slaps me across the face.

Fuck! It hurts like a mother fucker. How can someone who doesn't eat be that strong? I turn my head back to her and, oh shit, it's a total backfire, hands are over her mouth with surprise and regret. I know what she's about to say.

"Oh, Edward, I am so, so, so-"

So, I slap her back.

I don't actually slap her, but give her the impression of being slapped. Really, I place two fingers on her jaw and turn her head. It isn't even enough to make a sound, but it is enough to unleash the ire below the surface. Mission accomplished.

Whack!

Ugh! The same cheek, Bella? Fuck, my eyes are watering.

Bella finds her voice, or at least she finds someone's voice, because it sounds nothing like her. "Don't you EVER lay your hands on me! NO ONE lays their hands on me!"

Bella proceeds to give me the most serious beating I've ever received, and I let her. I let her because she needs this, and because she primarily hits me in the chest, which I can take. And because I love her. The whole time, she yells things, some of which I understand, like, "I am a precious child of God you Mother Fucker and I will be treated as such." Other times, I think Bella is letting out her anger towards Mike. I know I've never forgotten her birthday. When I'm sure she's tapping into her anger towards Mike, and she begins to go for the face, "Ow, Bella, not the face… please… ow," I grab her wrists and twist her away from me.

Gently, I guide Bella to her mark in the center of the clearing, "Keep going, Bella. Tell Mike what you need to tell him."

"I… can't… I can't." She's shaking her head, panting, exhausted.

"Then, tell his friends!" I yell. "What do you want to tell them?"

Bella turns towards the path, with her fists balled, and screams, "Get out of my house you cock-suckers!" Wow. I think Bella is finding her rage.

"Good, Bella, good. Now, Mrs. Newton; tell Mrs. Newton how you feel." I continue to walk the perimeter of the clearing.

Without hesitation, Bella clasps her hands to her chest and lets her head fall back, as she speaks to the night sky. "Oh, Mrs. Newton, how could you? How could you believe his lie? Me? A cheater? You know me… you've known me since I was a child. You called me daughter and then you… you broke my heart." Bella's voice breaks and I watch her rage melt into grief. No, not yet Bella.

"Lauren Mallory!" I shout to bring back her wrath.

Bella picks up a rock and hurls it at the hemlock tree, "Whore!" Bits of bark fly through the air. Even this old tree will make a sacrifice to Bella's pain. Alternating between open-hand slaps and tight-fist punches, Bella beats the trunk while a stream of obscenities flow out of her. Then she threatens "If you ever touch Edward again, I swear to you, I will chop you up in little pieces and set you on fire! You… you… you… you, you," Hold it together, Bella, "you, you, CUNT!" Whoa, you went there. "And now you've made me say that word…" Bella begins to repeatedly kick the tree with pointy shoes and I'm sure she'll hurt herself. I sweep down, wrap my arms around her waist, and pick her up. Legs and arms continue to beat at the air as I carry her away, "Fucking slut!"

She is manic, spilling emotion everywhere. I fight my instinct to stop this, to soothe her, because there's more she has to say. I place her down. When she has her footing, I release her and get out of her way, saying only one word, "Mike."

A roar rips out of Bella that makes my own cry sound like a purr. Chest and neck exposed to the moon, her arms outstretched, energy surging down to her fingers. She is luminous, incandescent. She is Catharsis. Isabella Swan is a goddess of rage, grief, sex, love, and death. But right now, it's mostly rage.

"I… you… fuck… why… " She can't find the words; maybe she is too far gone. Please, Bella, hang in there. You're almost there.

"The truth, Bella!"

"I hate you, Mike! Fuck. God, forgive me. Mike, I hate you and miss you right now so much it hurts. It truly, physically hurts. This is real pain." Her words flow out of her as she speaks with her whole being, pounding and pulling at her hair and body, "I feel it here in my head, and in my heart, and my gut. I'm sick, I'm so sick and it's real, and you did this. It took years, but you dismantled me. And I let you… I let you do it. And I hate you and I hate me for all of it. For what you told your parents. For making me a fool. FUCK! Mike, I hate myself for this, but there is a part of me, God help me, there is a real part of me that is glad you're dead." Bella purges her last cry, "FUCK ME!" before she falls to her hands and knees.

I go to her, to pick her up, but hear her indomitable protest, "No." Bella takes off her shoes, holds one above her head, and stabs the wet ground with the heel. I kneel behind her with my hand on her back. I don't know what she's doing, but feeling her tremble, I'm suddenly terrified that I've pushed her too far. Again, she brings down the shoe, forcefully cutting through the grass and dirt, and again, and again. She tosses the shoe aside and begins to claw at the ground with both her hands, ripping through the damp earth, digging a hole deeper and deeper. I hear a sharp breath as she pulls off her wedding ring. A glint of platinum in the bottom of the hole for only a second before Bella drags dirt and grass and leaves, from wherever she can reach, to fill the hole. She continues to pull and scratch at the earth until she's created a small mound, a grave, for the ring. She pounds on the grave over and over again until she has nothing left. She is silent for a moment, and then I hear her whisper, "Amen." It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.

I pull her lifeless body onto my lap and shower her with kisses. I kiss her hair, her ear, and her jaw and neck all the time murmuring, "Good, Bella," and, "forgive me." Muddled messages of pride and sorry, I don't know if any of it is making sense. Finally, she speaks. Through hoarse, ragged breath, she whispers, "Take me."

"I will, I will. I'm taking you home right now. I'll carry you, Bella. We'll be home in a few minutes."

I stand with her, my arms wrapped across her shoulders and hips. But before I can scoop her legs up to cradle her, she pulls my hand from her shoulder and roughly moves it inside her dress, under the silky material of her bra. She whispers again, "Take me." Oh. Ohhh. Oh, God. This is wrong. "Please," she whimpers.

I continue to massage her breast under her hand, I can't stop myself from running my thumb over her hard peak, but I warn, "Bella." She throws her head back against my shoulder. I have no control. I run my tongue down her neck and skim my teeth back up again until I find her earlobe and suck it between my lips, my teeth, knowing all the time this has to stop. She moans. I'm so hard, I'm aching.

Suddenly, Bella pulls away and bends forward and stripping herself of her panties. She stays bent over, rubs her backside against my erection and begs, "Please, Edward…"

Placing my hand on the small of her back, and feeling her rub herself against me, I start again, "Bella, I don't think this is…"

"Make… make me feel… something other than hate." It takes me another second to shake away the shock of seeing Bella in this position. She begins to lift her skirt, but I come to before she does, quickly unfolding her and turning her towards me.

"Yes, Bella, yes, anything, but not like that. I need to see your face." I push my fingers into her thick locks of hair and kiss her forcefully, just now remembering how long I've waited to kiss her. I feel her fingers fumble at my belt and open the top button of my trousers. Over my pants, her hand runs the full length of me. I let out a groan at the feel of her. Where? Where are we going to do this? She is afraid to be on top… the ground is too wet and cold for her to be under me. I continue to kiss her as I walk her backwards to the hemlock tree. I've seen this in pictures; maybe I can make this work. She leans against the tree as I search her eyes. I want to find love and longing, but I only see torment, desperation. I promised I would, I can't stop now, but still, it isn't right.

I lean in and kiss her more gently, hoping to replace some of her anguish. Slowly, I stroke her face and open my mouth, sliding my tongue into her. Her movement is frenzied. I hold her jaw and train her tongue into a slower rhythm. She lets me. I drag one finger from her neck, to her chest, to the space between her breasts. I continue, ghosting my hand across her middle, until I reach the knot that holds her dress closed. I start to untie it, but Bella's hand is quick to stop me. Pulling away from our kiss, I look at her and she shakes her head, infinitesimally. With her face in my hand, she can't turn away, but she shifts her eyes to the side and tears pool in the corners.

With all she's been through tonight, this is what brings tears to her eyes. I don't understand. Her bottom lip begins to quiver.

"Shhh. It's okay," I whisper, "we can stop." Please, let's stop. She shakes her head and stifles a sob. One blink and the tears release down her cheeks. "Bella. Oh, Bella." Kissing each cheek, I absorb the salty tears and make them my own. She's a china doll laced with fractures; one indelicate gesture and she'll be dust in my hands.

"I'm okay. Please, don't stop." I give her the tenderest kiss I can, barely touching my lips to hers, but somehow transmitting all the love I have in this small space between us. While keeping one hand on her face, I slowly move the other down her hip, to her thigh. Her eyes tell me to continue, so I move my hand into the opening of her skirt. Bella's breath hitches, and I continue, slowly sliding my hand over the velvet skin of her inner thigh, until I reach the place where she is warmest and wettest.

I lean in for another kiss as I slide two fingers over her sex. Bella moans, her knees buckle, I wrap my arm around her waist to hold her up, and she grabs hold of my shoulders.

I whisper, "Okay?"

"Yes," she breathes, trying to assure me that I am only giving her what she craves.

I continue to stroke my fingers over her slick clitoris. Just when my throbbing erection demands attention, Bella reaches down, unzips my fly, and pushes my trousers below my hips, releasing me. I'm sticky with my own arousal. Bella holds me firmly and runs her thumb over my tip, spreading my wetness. She doesn't move her hand, but holds me, giving me just enough to ease my raw need.

I prod my knee against the inside of hers, and she spreads her legs for me. I want to be sure she is ready for me. No more pain, she's endured enough. Slowly, I slide one finger inside of her. Bella groans. I hold her gaze as I slide my finger in and out, in and out. I make small circles and try to stretch her. My thumb continues to rub her clitoris as I add a second finger. Bella grunts and her breath quickens. I feel her legs weaken again and I hold her firmly to me.

Fuck, she is so tight. Her body tries to reject even my fingers. A part of her doesn't want this. I can't do this; I'm going to hurt her. It is a sad fact, but I don't think our bodies were made to fit together. I've lived without sex for a long time. If I'm good at anything, it's abstinence. Angry at this realization, and with a mind of its own, my pelvis thrusts into Bella's small hands and I groan. I too am panting.

"Bella, Bella. I can't… I'm afraid I'll hurt you." She whimpers. "I'm going to make you come this way. I'm gonna make you come, Bella." I continue to rub her more quickly.

"Nooo," Bella tries to pull my hand away, weakly, and begs, "please… inside… come inside of me…" She attempts to hitch her leg on my hip, but it slides down my body. She is shattered. "Don't make me b-beg…" My heart twists at her plea, making me realize I'll hurt her either way, physically or emotionally. I swallow the lump of fear in my throat.

"Shhh… okay, anything." I put her arms around my neck, and pick her up from her bottom. I spread my legs so she can more easily anchor her calves around my thighs. The heat of liquid Bella is right above me, the tip of me at her entrance.

I look up at her and mentally prepare to bring her down slowly, inch by inch over my, FUUUCK! Bella impales herself down onto me. I'm completely inside of her and my head is feeling things it probably shouldn't feel. I think I'm hitting organs. If it hurt me, it probably killed her. Bella is slumped around me like a rag doll. Holy shit, I think it did kill her.

"Bella? Bella." I hear her groan, so at least I know she's still alive. "Listen, I'm going to pull out of you very, very slowly. And then I'm going to put you down." Lifting her hips, I slowly withdraw my pelvis down and away from her. Before I can completely pull out, Bella uses my shoulders as leverage, and thrusts herself down on me again. She screams out in pain. What the fuck is she doing? This isn't hanky-panky. This is suicide by cock.

I pin her to the tree with my hips. "Don't move," I order. I need to be careful; my fear for her can sound like anger.

With tears streaming down, she shakes her head and lets out a small, "I won't."

Having no idea how the physics of this position works, I'm relieved to find I can hold her up with one hand and use the other to wipe her tears. With nothing but love and worry in my voice, I ask, "What are you doing, Bella?"

"I d-don't know," she sobs.

I lean my forehead to hers and try to figure out what to do next. Try to pull out again? Try to go limp so I have no choice but to sort of fall out of her? No chance. Stay here until daylight? I pray for enlightenment. With few options left, I decide to kiss her. I kiss her head, and her temple, her wet cheeks, and the tip of her nose, which, in spite of this horrible night, brings out Bella's embarrassed, sad smile. Taking her chin between my thumb and forefinger, I lift her face to my mouth and kiss her. Though my hair is shorter, Bella still finds a way to fill the space between her fingers with my locks and give a gentle pull. I suck her bottom lip into my mouth and run my tongue through her cut, wishing I had the power to seal her wound.

I take a risk by releasing her chin, and slipping my hand between us, to where we are joined. Past her small tuft of damp hair, I find the center of her need, and ghost my fingertips in a gentle stroke.

Bella breaks our kiss and murmurs, "Yes."

"Yes?" I continue to rub with more pressure.

"Yes." Her breathing becomes huskier.

"Yes?"

"Yeah…" Bella tilts her head back and closes her eyes. As I continue to make circles, I watch Bella's face reflect the pleasure of my touch. Her mouth opens in bliss—she is beautiful. And then I feel it. Her body opens itself to me. Invites me. I am no longer an intruder.

"Ah… Ah… Yes," she pants. A sheen of sweat appears on her face, her chest. "Move in me."

I pull out a few inches and carefully push back into her. Oh, God it feels so good. I'll have to thank my cock later for being so patient. Again, I pull out, and her body pulls me back in, wanting me there. Her name escapes my lips. Once again, out of her, into her. "Bella."

"Mmmm… more. You… can give me more."

I take her at her word.

I pick up my rhythm only slightly, but remove my hand from between us, and pull open the v-neck of her dress. I release one breast from the fabric, bend down, and take her in my mouth. Oh, this soft, gossamer skin. Holding her nipple between my teeth, I quickly flick my tongue over the stiff peak. I suck, hard. Bella tugs at my hair and moans in response. I'm going to come soon, so the other breast only gets a little hand action, no mouth.

Lifting her higher with both hands, I look up at her, God I love this woman, and begin to thrust, harder, faster, now realizing I am making love to Isabella Swan on the symbolic face of Lauren Mallory. With this thought, the part of my brain that says I might hurt her shuts down and I really begin to move. I thrust again, and again, and again, grunting out my pleasure.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" she calls with each movement.

I want to tell her I love her… "Ungh" I need to say it, but… Maxim said 'No'… GQ said, 'Not yet,' and Jasper said I'd scare the shit out of her.

I grow thick inside of her. I'm going to come. I can't say it before I come—she'll never believe me!

"I… I…" Her pitch rises. Maybe she'll say it. "I… I…"

Say it, SAY IT!

"I… I'm on the pill!"

"Me Too!"

"Yes!" Bella calls in ecstasy as she throws her body around me, propelling us back a few steps from Lauren Mallory's tree.

I erupt, powerfully releasing inside of her, calling her name. I stand in the middle of the forest holding, and coming with, the woman I love. If this isn't heaven, I don't know what is.

I bring her with me to my knees, still inside of her, my arms wrapped around her. As we catch our breath, I feel Bella's hands on my face, her forehead pressed against mine.

"Hi," I say as I stroke the back of her head. I wait, but she says nothing. "You okay?" Bella wraps her arms around my neck, moves her head to my shoulder, and begins to cry. I don't know if her pain is more emotional or physical, but I'm certain it's both. I press her to my chest, and rub my hands over her back listening to her soft sobs. "It's okay, just cry, crying is good." And after a few moments, I know there is something I have to do.

"Bella, I need you to stay still, okay? I'm going to pull out of you now. So, I'm going to move you just a little bit and try to do this carefully." I feel Bella stiffen at my words. I ease her a few inches down on my thighs and pull out of her. As I do, Bella grabs fistfuls of my shirt and muffles a short scream in my shoulder. Fuck, she's hurt. With the fading adrenaline and arousal, she must be feeling the physical pain. "Okay… okay, Bella. You're hurt, aren't you? I reach into the pocket of my trousers around my calves and, eventually, find what I'm looking for—my handkerchief.

I skate the cool, smooth fabric over Bella's knee; she inhales, sharply. I'm sure her skin is over sensitized. "This is a handkerchief, Bella, just a handkerchief," I say running it over her knee again. "See, it's soft. I'm not going to hurt you with this." I slowly drag it up her thigh saying, "I just want to help you, okay?" Under my hand splayed across her back, I feel Bella's breath quicken. She wraps her arms more tightly around my neck, burying her face into her own arm, bracing herself. Very lightly, I hold my handkerchief to Bella's sex, feeling the fabric saturate. "It doesn't hurt, does it?"

"No," she whispers. Thank God, she's speaking again.

I pull the cloth away and hold it to the moonlight. It's wet, but clear, there is no blood. Relief.

"Am I…? She knows what I was looking for.

"No, Bella, you're not bleeding. It hurts though, doesn't it?"

"Yes."

"I bet you want to close your legs now, don't you?"

"Yes… please." I'm not sure the best way to do this. I could pick her up off my lap and carry her back, but that would require me to walk through the woods with my pants around my ankles. That will play well, 'Hey Charlie, no worries, I've got your daughter right here.' No way around it, I'm going to have to put my girl, who I injured, on the cold, wet ground.

"We're going to get your pretty dress a little more dirty. I'm going to slide you down my legs and I'm going to rest you on the ground… "

"Okay… Or, I could just stand up." Oh.

"Do you think you can?"

"I think so." Bella places her feet on either side of me, and presses her hands into my shoulders.

"Wait, your hands." I now see the wine-colored mud covering her knuckles for what it is, a mix of earth and blood.

Bella relaxes back onto my legs, and I suck on my shirttail, trying to soften the stiff fabric, while I inspect her hands.

"I'm okay, they're okay," she murmurs. Holding her right hand, the most damaged, I gently try to wipe away the dirt with my shirt. She inhales sharply at the coarse fabric on sensitive skin, I stop, and she repeats, "Really, I'm okay." I bring her hand to my mouth and carefully lick and suck her knuckle until I taste no dirt, only flesh and blood. Bella silently watches as I move to each knuckle and onto the next hand.

"Edward, you're eating dirt for me?" she asks with wonder and a bit of amusement.

"Shhh… don't bother me while I'm working." I hear her smile. While blowing on her wet hands, I can see no more blood rise to the surface. I peer up to see her closed eyes; she's half asleep. "Ready to go back?"

She swallows and opens her eyes, "Mmm-hmm."

"Up you go." With my hands at her waist, I help her as she rises. She's still partway crouched when I feel her whole body quiver. Her muscles are giving out; it's all been too much.

"Hang on." With her hands still using me as balance, I stand, quickly dress, and sweep her off her feet. "Okay?"

"Yes. Wait… um, do you have that handkerchief?" Have it? I was going to sleep with it under my pillow. I'm a pig, Bella.

"Um, yes."

"Can I have it back?'

"Ah, sure."

"It sort of felt good, you know, there."

"Should we get your panties?"

"Good idea." I carry her to where I see her panties and place her down. I give the handkerchief back to her. Bella modestly opens the skirt of her dress and puts it between her legs, as I shake the grass out of her panties and hold them open for her. Using my shoulders for support, she steps into them. I slide them up to hold handkerchief in place. "All good?"

"All good." I sweep her up into my arms again, and begin to walk through the forest, to her home. I knew those handkerchiefs would come in handy.

"You know, Edward, I can walk."

"Yes, Bella, I know."

...

A/N

I have a little outtake about Edward searching for the perfect handkerchief that I'm looking forward to sharing with you.

The official Pimp on Team SGMR, robsjenn (who wears a red stain suit while she's pimping, btw), suggested we use the outtake to celebrate hitting 500 reviews. It shouldn't take too long, we had over fifty last chapter :) Um... yell at her, not me.

Oh, you can stop by my profile to vote on Edward's moniker.

Teaser next Saturday.

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