A/N:

RL has been amazing and busy. My only regret is that I could not respond to more of your lovely reviews.

Thanks to SGMR: orangeapeal (for pre-reading), robsjenn, Sunshine, and my beta, PaintedTeacherLady.

More thanks and a message at the end. I've kept you waiting long enough…

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Chapter Nine:

"Well, Isabella…" I say, emphasizing each syllable. "I'm not sure if you've noticed," I say, pulling off each boot, "fucking sexy boots, by the way…" and throw them over my shoulder.

"Thanks… I'll tell Alice, they're hers," she laughs and I crawl up onto the bed, between her legs, "noticed what?"

I begin to unbutton and unzip her jeans, "Each time we've been together, you have been the instigator…"

"Yes, thank you for mentioning it… I'm painfully aware of that little pattern."

"No worries," I crawl back down off the bed, "I thought tonight I could wear the pants, while you Isabella Swan," I hold onto the cuffs at the bottom of her jeans, "wear none," and pull them off in one swift move, and she squeals once more. Fuck yeah, I've been thinking about that move all day.

"Oh, my."

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Chapter Ten

Balance

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Bella bites her nail in a coquettish manner as I unbutton my shirt and throw it behind me with the same exaggerated flair as tossing her boots.

"Come here." I grab her ankles and pull her to the end of the bed and she rewards me with her steady stream of laughter. "I want to tell you something."

She sits up, squirming with excitement. "Yes?"

"First, I want to tell you how much I like this sweater. It's a beautiful color on you." I take the hem of the sweater, pull it up over her head and watch her hair cascade back down to her shoulders. Folding it carefully, I place the sweater on the chair behind me.

Before I can turn around, I hear, "Lights please." Her voice is quiet and sweet.

"Tell me when."

Sliding the dimmer switch down, until the lights are almost off, I hear, "When."

My eyes adjust to the darkness as I walk back over to her. We are nothing but shadow and light. She slides a finger over the fly of my jeans, "May I? It's only fair." Before I can answer, she's unbuttoning my fly and helping me push my jeans off. "I like these," she says, running her finger around the waistband of my boxer briefs. My erection is obvious, but I no longer know if I should be ashamed or proud.

I get on my knees and say, "I still have a few things to say."

"Yes?" When the lights are low, so are our voices.

"I like this bra." I reach around and unhook the clasp, "And I like taking it off of you." As I slide the straps over her arms, I drag my fingernail over her skin and feel the goose bumps awaken. With all my might, I restrain my touch, still desperately trying to implement my research… to let this build. I pull the bra away from her and place it on the floor. Her palms cover her breasts, but I'm not sure why. Is she trying to let things build too?

Pressing my hands down on either side of her, I rub my nose along her jaw and whisper in her ear, "Isabella, I'm going to make you come with my mouth."

"Ah," a small, vocalized breath floats out of her.

With hardly any pressure at all, I press her shoulders and she falls back onto the mattress. Her feet search for purchase and she pushes herself up the bed. As I crawl up to her, Bella pulls her knees up and together, her feet flat on the mattress. I kiss each scraped knee and look down at her. Her arousal is laced with trepidation. Her eyes stay fixed on mine, as she pulls a corner of the comforter over her torso.

"Cold?"

"A little."

"Do you want me to turn up…"

"No."

"Shall we get rid of these?" I hook my fingers into the sides of her lace panties, and drag them slowly over her pressed-together legs. As I free them from her feet, I shudder at the wet feel of them, the scent. I'm not sure if the slow build is working for her, but it is killing me. She returns her feet flat on the mattress.

"I like these, too," I say as I throw them over my shoulder. Her face lightens again.

"I bought them special."

"You did?" For me? For Us?

"Mmm-hmmm." When did she do this? As crazy as her day has been, she took a detour-shopping trip? "They're lace, not cotton."

"I like cotton panties, too."

"Good, so do I."

I kneel above her on the bed and sway her closed knees side to side, batting them between my palms. I stare down at her and watch a kaleidoscope of emotions wash over her face—aroused, amused, and anxious.

"Well, Isabella…? Are you going to part these pretty knees for me?"

"No," she whispers.

"No?" I'm incredulous.

"You don't… you don't have to, Edward." Have to?

"Oh, I want to… I really want to." Her legs no longer sway with ease, she tenses.

Bella stares at the ceiling. "I know it doesn't taste… or smell…"

"Whoa, wait a second. Bella, you know I've tasted you. I thought you liked it when I…"

"I did. It was… sexy… and a really generous gesture," Gesture? "but this is different. And I know that… guys, most guys, don't like it. I'm too sore for other things… maybe I could take a shower…"

She keeps talking, but I don't catch everything she says, I'm too distracted by our intruder. Mike is invading her mind, our bed.

"I'm coming to talk to you," I push her knees up to her stomach, hoping she will open them, but they're locked shut. "Your choice, open up so I can come up there and talk to you, or you have to give me an airplane ride on your knees." She smiles and for the first time I realize that it is not only Bella who has the ability to pull us into the light, I can guide the way, too.

Bella puts her hand over her eyes and opens her legs. When my face reaches hers, she wraps her legs around me. Propping myself up on my elbows, I press her into the mattress with my body, moving my pelvis so that my erection is nestled perfectly in her soft, warm flesh—liquid Bella seeping through the cotton of my underwear.

"Hi," I say and grind myself into her once. She moans.

"Did you like that?" I pull her hand away from her eyes.

"Mmm-hmm. Maybe we should just do that."

"We could, if you want to deny me my fantasy."

"Fantasy?"

"From our first night together, I've been thinking about this."

"Almost a whole week?" she teases.

"It's been a really long week."

"It sure has." She gently fingers the hair on the side of my head and my sideburns, but avoids my eyes.

"Bella, what you are creating between your legs is the food of the Gods."

"Stop it." She laughs and shifts her eyes back to me.

"You could cure cancer with what's going on down there."

"Edward," she tries to sound horrified, but she's not.

"You could end world hunger."

"Okay, that's a little…"

"Gross, right?"

"A little."

I reach my hand between us and run two fingers over her wet skin, making her gasp.

I bring my fingers back up to us—glistening and smelling of her. Her hand smacks across her eyes again, and she says in an apologetic, almost whining tone, "You make me so wet." For a moment, I think about mimicking her, teasing her, but decide against it.

"Yes. I do."

I wait for her to open her fingers and peek up at me. When she does, I hold her gaze and take my time sucking my middle finger into my mouth. The reality of her taste is better than the memory.

"God, that's amazing. Have you ever tasted yourself, Bella?"

I wait for her protest, her giggles, and her teasing, but instead, her hand falls away, her chest heaves, and she breathes, "Yes." Eyes close as if she has confessed the greatest of sins.

"Then you know. You know how good you taste."

Eyes of longing replace eyes of guilt. She wets parted lips and opens her mouth for me, I brush my Bella covered fingertip along her bottom lip, and she sucks my finger into her mouth. Bella's tongue swirling around my finger, the salty-sweet taste of her, the scent… she moans—it's too much. Pulling my finger away, I cover her mouth with mine and I rock into her, feeling the cotton between us soak. The only thing better than the singular taste of Bella is the mixed flavors of her mouth and her come.

I have to stop before I lose myself in this moment. I pull away. "Now the next time that voice in your head says you're not good enough, or smell sweet enough… or you're not tasty enough, see it for what it is. It's not real, Bella. Tell it to go away. It has no place here."

Her eyes burn into mine as she considers my words. Her brows pull together and she whispers, "Okay. I'll try… if you try."

If I try? I don't understand. I do think she's good enough and…

"You have that voice, too—that voice that says you're not good enough." She runs her fingertip down my cheek; her touch is as soft as her voice. "Sometimes it's so loud I can hear it out here, Edward."

Oh. I shift my eyes to the pillow next to her and give a small nod. Regardless of my effort to be strong for her, she sees my weakness. But I want to be your knight. I feel so exposed… emasculated. I begin to soften. Fuck.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry, Edward." Bella takes my face in her hands and kisses me with a hunger I haven't tasted before. She sucks me into her… my mouth, my tongue. Her hips push up into me and drag back away… and again. Using her body to stroke me, she brings me back to her. With the movement of her lips and hips, the memory our conversation fades, and my cock swells again… it is an extension of me and my desperate need to please her. Grinding my hips against hers, I watch as her breath becomes more erratic, and feel her fingers digging into my shoulder.

"Ohh. Oh, God Edward, you make me feel so good. I can't wait… I'm gonna come… make me come."

I hook my arm around her leg and gain leverage on my other arm, getting as close as I can get to her without being inside. I thrust everything that's hard into everything that's soft.

"Tell me… tell me I make you feel good, Bella."

"You do... Oh, God… you do… Ahhhh."

I begin to pump my hips—feeling free to move with force and speed, knowing I'm not hurting her.

She grunts with each thrust—my God, she's closer than I am… I can wait. Calvin Klein boxer briefs make me a better lover. Biting her lip, squeezing her eyes shut, Bella's body stiffens in my arms. Holy shit, I've only begged her to come before, but now my body and words can command her.

"Yes, Bella. Come for me."

She comes undone. Not a sound from her open mouth… her body seizes once—I hold her tightly to me. And she convulses again, and again, and again… her nails in my shoulders hurt so fucking good. Her body gives into one long tremor. I roll us onto our sides and pull the comforter around her. Slowly gliding my hand up and down the thigh I'm still holding, I wait until she comes back to me.

"You okay?"

"Very," she looks up at me and nuzzles her head back onto my chest before looking back up, "did you…?"

I shake my head. "Not yet."

Bella reaches for me, but I jerk my hips away. "No, not yet. I have my fantasy to fulfill first, Virginia."

Bella gasps and I roll her onto her back and begin to trail kisses down her neck.

I reach the swell of her breasts when I hear her husky voice, "Virginia? Like, 'Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus?"

I move my mouth against her skin, "No like, Come out Virginia don't let me wait, you Catholic girls start much too late."

"You sing?" She's shocked. "And you sing well." More shocked.

"Only for you, Bella, my songs are only for you."

"Billy Joel… the Catholic girl's anthem… mmm."

I reach her breasts, and Bella's words give way to soft moans. I circle my tongue around the pink flesh of the nipple I neglected last night in the woods, and begin my silent discussion. 'Hello Bella's breasts, I've been looking forward to this chat. I know I haven't been very good to you so far… but it's not because I haven't wanted to. You see, I figure lovemaking comes down to its own trinity—motivation, knowledge, and skill.' I finish sucking on her nipple, and marvel at the hardness. Gently blowing on the circle of my salvia, Bella shudders, and her nipple becomes impossibly more erect. I run my thumb over it, watching it move, as I press my lips into Bella's breastbone. I move my mouth onto her other nipple. Too eager to tease with my tongue, I suck her nipple and as much as her small breasts I can fit into my mouth. My God, her flesh is so smooth, so soft…

'Where was I? Oh, yes, the trinity… as you can guess, my motivation level is quite high. I don't know if I've ever wanted anything more. And my knowledge level… well, you saw the bookcase. But in the skill department… I have a long way to go. So, giving you proper attention while I'm working with Bella's below the belt equipment and trying not to come in my pants has been a struggle. My biggest weakness is multi-tasking. Fortunately, I'm a quick learner.'

I give her nipple one last flick of my tongue and pull my head back up to gaze at them.

"Beautiful."

They look happy. I look up at Bella's face; she's biting her lip and pulling her hair with one hand while pulling my hair with the other. She's happy too.

'This has been a good talk. I think we're going to make great friends.'

Inching my way down Bella's body, I leave open mouth kisses over her hills—her ribcage and her hipbones, and through the valley that is her belly. When I reach the Promise Land, I make myself comfortable lying between her legs and propping myself up on my elbows—I don't want to rush this.

I rub my nose over her wet hair and inhale so deeply, I can taste her in the back of my throat. Bella squirms and her knees close in around my head, but I hold her hips still with my hands and push open her legs with forearms. I need to see her—all of her.

Bella whimpers and I look up to see the quick rise and fall of her of her stomach. She's panting. Oh shit, this isn't excitement—she's panicking. This is NOT in the plan.

"Breathe, Bella."

Still gasping short puffs of air, she tries to pull the comforter further around her.

"Bella," I command more forcefully and her fear-filled eyes snap to mine, "breathe." She quickly nods and tries to slow her breathing through a small opening in her pressed lips.

"There you go, pretty girl." She smiles and I see her belly expand and fall more slowly.

"You okay?" I can't help but to grin back at her. It's her smile, her willingness, and the absurdity of our collective inexperience that makes it impossible to hide the lightness I feel in my chest.

"Yes."

"We're having fun… that's all… right, Bella?"

"Right."

"This will make you feel good." At least, that's what I've read.

"Yes." I love her breathy voice.

"And if it doesn't, you let me know, okay?"

"Mmm."

"Trust me?"

"Mmm… yes." Her breath quickens again, but this time, it isn't fear.

I planned to let this build, but I need one taste. I hold her gaze and cup her little ass with my hands, lifting her hips slightly. I dip my head between her legs and listen to her cries as I take one long, slow lick from her perineum, into her opening and over her clitoris. I curl my tongue at the end and gather enough of her salty honey to feel it pour down my throat as I swallow.

"Oh God, Edward."

"Sweet Jesus, Bella, I could live off of you."

"Please… more."

"Sorry, Bella… this thigh right here is demanding some attention; everything else will have to wait."

"Nooo," she laughs and tries to wriggle, but I hold her firmly in place.

I slide my mouth over her thigh. The feeling of slick come over perfect, smooth skin—man could never make this, this is from God. As I continue making obscene sucking noises that make me throb, I can't help but to stare at the awe-inspiring center of Bella an inch from me. Layers and layers of glistening pink flesh unfolding and twitching before my eyes—who knew women twitched? It's mesmerizing. I want a Georgia O'Keefe painting, a Mapplethorpe photograph… I want to write my own Vagina Monologue. The word 'pussy' is an affront to what I see before me… she is a Calla Lily.

I blow. She moans louder. This shit really works. And I move onto the other thigh giving it equal time, sucking and biting, making sure it tastes as good as the first—it does. Bella's hands leave my hair and I catch her fingers sneaking down to her triangle of hair.

Holy shit. She's going to touch herself. Watch her fingers? Use my mouth? Fingers… mouth… fingers… mouth…? Fingers, mouth, fingers, mouth, fingers… MOUTH.

I grab her wrists and pull them down, now effectively using her own arms to hold her still and open for me. She mewls. "God, Edward… please…"

"Mouth," is all I say as I finally work my way over to her center. I use my tongue and nose to kiss and suck and rub everything but the places she needs me most… above her… below… around. Her sweat only intensifies her salty taste and scent. To relieve my own pressure building up, I begin a slow steady rhythm of thrusting into the mattress.

"No… no fair," she moans.

I make love to Bella with my mouth, as I fuck the bed with my cock.

And that's when I see it; a small muscle, high on the inside of her right thigh begins to vibrate. The tremor spreads like wildfire throughout her body… her pelvis, her stomach, her hands and feet… everything quivers. I look up to see tears rolling from Bella's eyes to ears. Uh-oh, too far.

"P-Please."

Quickly, I let go of her hands, turn my head, and suck the most sensitive sliver of Bella—her stamen—between my lips. She screams and bucks her pelvis off the bed… I move up onto my knees and hold her hips in the air, never losing contact. I force my tongue into her, fiercely circling, probing, and sucking. I feel the flesh of her small ass under my fingers, every spasm on my tongue, and her liquid trickling down my chin and neck.

Fisting sheets… crying out… coming in my mouth… she is exquisite… and she is mine.

There is a final shudder, and she presses her hips back down.

I crawl up next to her and Bella grabs my face, kissing and sucking and licking me—all the time murmuring, 'Thank you,' against my skin.

Pulling away for a moment, she looks at me the way I always want her to look at me and says, "Mr. Masen, you are a mess."

"I know." I kiss her again and begin to hump her leg like the seventeen-year old I am.

"Off," she says as she pulls at my briefs. I oblige. Within a second, I'm kicking them away from my feet and we're lying side-by-side.

Bella's hands are on my neck and we're looking down as I stroke myself. I don't know if this is hot or embarrassing.

"Let me," she says, grabbing hold of my shaft. I thrust into her hand as I've done before, but she stops me. "No. Let me do it… show me what you like." I grab hold of her hip and try to keep still as she strokes her fingertips over my skin. Oh, fuck… more… harder. I groan, and it sounds more frustrated than I'd like. "Like this?" No.

"Yes… Ungh… anything you do is good. It's good."

"Show me," she insists. And my hand clasps over hers so fast it surprises both of us. Our grip is tight. We both watch as we pull the skin over my hard, hot muscle.

"Oh, God."

"It's not too tight?"

"Oh, God no… uhh."

"Let go… let me." I grab her hip as she continues to stroke me the way I want. Though I showed her how to touch me, I'm relieved to find it doesn't feel like my hand… it unique, it's her… it's better than 'private time.'

"Ungh."

My eyes shift between her hand stroking me, and her face-her little determined face with her pink tongue between her lips. I squeeze her hip and she starts to pump faster. Everything begins to tingle… fuck, I'm going to come soon.

She glides her thumb over my head, "Oh… Fuck."

"You like that?"

"Yesss… Oh, God."

I throw my leg over her body and manage to say, "No… wait." She lets go and I'm all arms and legs everywhere as I reach for the nightstand. My hand is spastically feeling around, knocking off my alarm clock, smashing into the lamp… trying to find the drawer handle.

"Edward? What are you…"

"Handkerchief."

She grabs hold of my cock again and strokes me. I'm dizzy, discombobulated, I grab onto the headboard for dear life and look down at her gazing up at me. I'm straddling Bella, centered over her stomach.

Bella jerks me right under my head. "Bella… no," I growl. "Oh, God… I'm gonna come." Every muscle in my stomach clamps down as I desperately hold onto my climax.

"I know… let it go." I look down and for a split second I envision coming on her breasts….

And then I do.

Bella tips her head back and I call out her name as the first long stream of me reaches from her neck to her stomach. I can't look away. She continues to stroke me as I come on her breasts... her neck… her belly. Delirious, I watch as Bella gently slides my cock, and the last drops of me, between her breasts. It is a glorious, shameful sight.

My body quakes as I let out the last wordless sound. Falling onto my back next to her I finally breathe, "Fuck." I have got to stop coming on you like that.

Her body curls up next to me and I hear her giggle. I don't know if it is because I spoke that aloud or if it is because I have my hand over my eyes. I look at her through my fingers and she is wearing a huge grin. I put my other arm around her and she nuzzles up next to me. When she does, I feel her breasts and my stickiness on my ribs.

I go to sit up, "Let me get…" but she easily pushes me back down. I'm so tired.

"I'll get cleaned up in a minute, let's just rest." I feel her pull the sheet up around us.

"I can't believe you just let me do that."

Bella pulls my hand away and shrugs, looking up at me, "I was all over you. Now you're all over me… it's okay."

I shake my head in disbelief. I guess this is balance.

"It is okay… isn't it, Edward?" Her brow wrinkles in worry—humiliation? Oh, no.

"Yes… of course it's okay. It's amazing. I mean… I'm in awe of you, Bella. In. Awe."

"Of me?"

"Of you." She snuggles back into me.

"Mmmm. I'm going to work my way up to giving you proper oral… swallowing and everything." I'm so tired, even talk of blowjobs can't keep me awake. I feel something on my tongue. I pull out and look at it on my finger—a pubic hair. I almost want to save it, but there are more where this came from.

"I'm sorry. I guess I should wax."

"Nope. Don't do anything for me. Don't change a single hair on your head… or anywhere. You are perfect just the way you are." I love you. And if I thought you'd trust a post-coital admission of love, I'd tell you right now.

"Perfect?"

"Perfect." Don't fall asleep... Must clean up… Must tuck her in… don't… fall…

"Good night, Edward."

… asleep.

~#~

I turn over. My arm reaches out and slides down the sheet. Big bed. I move my other arm, reaching for her… mmm. Bella? I jerk awake… where is she? God help me, where's Bella?

"BELLA?"

"It's okay, it's okay… I'm down here." She calls to me from downstairs. I look over our half wall into the living room below to see her lying on the couch looking up at me. "Hi."

"Hi." I pull on pajama pants and glance at the clock—it's after 4:00. Quickly making my way downstairs, I run my fingers over my ribs and notice that I'm clean. Bella must have washed me in my sleep.

I approach from behind the couch. She seems peaceful, but my mind is racing with possible explanations. Guide me, Lord.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No. I'm actually sorry you didn't wake me."

She's reading a book and wearing my black shirt. I should have given her something softer to sleep in but, my God, I love her in that black shirt. Focus, Edward.

Bella smiles up at me and holds the book to her chest, but says nothing. Something is definitely wrong. The quiet is so heavy, like wet cement.

I brush her hair from her face. "Couldn't sleep?" She's ghost-white and her bruise is obvious in this light.

"I should fall back to sleep pretty soon."

Fall back to sleep.

"What are you reading there?" She hugs the book several moments longer before sheepishly showing me the spine, Sigmund Freud's, Interpretation of Dreams. I swallow the rising lump in my throat. 'Out, out bad dreams.' I fell asleep before blowing in her ear.

"I stole it from your shelf. I hope you don't mind."

"No… of course not," I try, but my smile is weak, "what's mine is yours."

"Thanks." A tentative smile crosses her face.

What to do? What to do? My instincts with Bella are often worthless, but every cell in my body says I shouldn't reveal how worried I am. I shouldn't drop to my knees and beg her to tell me her dream.

"Can I come in and lie down with you?"

Bella says nothing, but gives room for me to slip in behind her. I pull her tightly to my chest and kiss the top of her head. "So, what do you think of Freud? Is he helping you get sleepy?"

"A little. The book is interesting, though." She's reticent.

"Yes, it is. Did you get to the section…" My voice tails off. I don't want to talk about Freud; I want to talk about you. "You had a dream."

"Yes," she whispers.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Shaking her head and shrugging, she stays quiet. I rub her upper arm and wait. And wait.

"Was it the limo dream?"

She looks up at me, "You know about the limo dream?" I nod, guilty.

"Gah… Dad."

"He's just concerned about you." I keep stroking her arm.

"I know. Don't worry, Edward, you weren't in the dream."

Oh. Until this moment, I didn't know I was in her dreams—her nightmares.

Who was in the dream, Bella? Was he? Don't ask. Don't start there. She's talking; this is a good start.

"Have you had this dream before?"

"I don't remember… but it's so familiar, I must have had it before." Noticing that her limbs are relaxed and she stares straight ahead, I continue.

"What happens, Bella? What happens in the dream?"

"I… I'm walking… I'm walking all through Forks… my house, school, the woods. And I'm carrying, no dragging something… dragging it everywhere. I'm dragging it and it's so heavy and I'm so tired, I can barely walk. I'm… I'm so tired, Edward."

"I know. I know, Bella… Do you know what you're dragging?"

"Yes." I can barely hear her.

"Do you want to tell me?" I attempt to match her quiet, her softness.

"I… I want to go upstairs now. Can we go upstairs, Edward?" I search her large, rueful eyes staring up at me. Jasper's advice comes to my mind, don't watch the ball, Edward; watch Bella.

"Absolutely." I press my lips to her temple, and as we stand, I can't help but to notice her subtle sway, her pallid complexion. I bend down and sweep her legs, cradling her into my arms, a motion that has become second nature.

For a moment, her sad expression abates. "You know I can walk, Edward."

"Yes Bella, I know. You know I love carrying you though, don't you?"

"Yes Edward, I know."

Before we snuggle into bed, Bella makes a 'pit stop' in the bathroom. I wait as I hear the clang, clang of her small fist on the cast iron tub. We ended the tour before we got to the bathroom and I have some explaining to do.

"Um… Edward?" She comes out of the bathroom with a smile pressed between her teeth.

"I know. I know… my bathroom is really weird, isn't it?" I get out of bed and stand at the doorway with her, looking in.

"No, I wouldn't say 'weird'… it's interesting… beautiful… like a little time warp. I was in here last night, but I guess with the lights off, I didn't notice how… unique it is."

Okay, here it goes. "Yeah, well. You see… I was one of those kids that loved bath time. Like, really loved bath time. And well, I grew out of it, of course. But when I got older and started playing baseball I really wanted to take baths again… the sore muscles and all."

She hasn't started laughing yet, so I continue.

"But, by that time, we were living in Seattle and I was too tall to fit in our tub. Anyway, when I moved in here, I talked to the contractor about upgrading the tub… he threw out lots of ideas, including a claw foot tub. He might have been joking, but I got really excited and took him up on the offer. We had a claw foot growing up."

Bella walks to the tub and carefully strokes her hand over the porcelain; she bends down and appraises the brass claws. Feeling a little insecure, I sit on the edge of the tub and finish the story as quickly as I can. "So, the contractor got the biggest one he could find… and, well… it looked a little strange with all the modern fixtures. So, Esme helped with the rest of the bathroom… sort of retro." Bella face softens and she comes to stand between my legs and I stroke the smooth skin of her thighs. "It's kind of strange, isn't it?"

"No. No, not strange at all. It's beautiful, and sentimental, and a wee bit quirky… it's you, it's totally you, Edward. I love your bathroom."

"Thank you." I don't know if anything will ever feel as good as Bella's acceptance.

"Was that, um, Chicago… where you had the tub?"

"Yes, Chicago." Bella nods and gives me a sad smile before pulling away, but I hold her close to me. "So… that's before we moved here for my parents' company."

"Yes?" Her face is so hopeful, yet wary. She doesn't want to probe. And why should she? I've already sanctioned her curiosity. And so I try, I really try.

"Um… but my dad started as a lawyer in Chicago."

"A lawyer?"

"Ah, yeah… a corporate lawyer. In the 80's he did all that horrible acquisition and merger work… destroying small companies."

"Like the movie, Wall Street?"

"Exactly like Wall Street. But that didn't sit well with him… "

As I continue to talk, I take her hand and lead her into bed with me. I tell Bella the story of my parents, as much of the story that I can. She rests her head on my chest and intently listens as I explain how my parents started a small firm because they wanted to invest in, instead of destroying, small companies.

Bella asks about my mom, and I try to paint pictures of my mother for her. I recount the day my grandparents moved in with us, and how my mom took care of everyone as she helped with the company from home. My fingers massage Bella's scalp as I describe watching my mother looking out the window, awaiting my father's return from trips to Seattle, and how they simply could not stand to be separated.

"So, with technology boom," I explain, "he was making so many trips to Seattle, my parents thought it was time to pick up and move here."

"How old were you?"

"Fourteen."

"Did your grandparents move to Seattle with you?"

"No. They passed away about a year before the move."

"I'm sorry. So, you have been to some funerals of people you loved."

"Yes."

"And no brothers or sisters. How about cousins? Other grandparents?"

"No, no one. It's a very small family."

"Mmm. Like me and Charlie."

"Like you and Charlie."

"It's late, or really early, you should get some sleep, Bella."

"Yeah, I know." She agrees, but sounds resistant.

"Not sleepy?" Bella looks up at me with worried eyes, before shrugging and resting her head back on my chest. 'To sleep perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub.'

I scoot down further into the bed, and Bella turns so her back is to my chest—my favorite way to hold her.

"You can tell me."

"It's… it's a pretty creepy dream, you won't like it."

"What are you dragging, Bella?"

"It's not a what, it's a who." I try not to flinch, just continue rubbing her arm. "I'm dragging him… I'm dragging Mike." My mind scatters as I fight the urge to feel jealous, actually jealous that he still spends time with her, while at the same time, I try to envision the image she describes… she's dragging him?

Bella takes a deep breath and then speaks matter-of-factly, "He's in a body bag. I'm dragging Mike in a body bag." Bella's knees pull up to her chest, and I follow with my own, tucking them behind hers.

"Did you… have you tried to put down…"

Her voice is still emotionless, "Yes. I try to put it… him down," but then she takes a shuddering breath, "and when I do…" Bella stops, and I look down to see her bottom lip quivering. I hold her more tightly to me and splay my hand on top of her head, wanting to hold her together. She starts again, "and when I do, he grabs me and pulls me down to the ground… and then he tries to drag me to hell."

I don't know what to say, so I stay quiet.

Her first tears fall to her cheeks and I let go of her long enough to open the nightstand drawer and take out a handkerchief.

Before I have a chance to wipe her tears, Bella takes the handkerchief from me, wipes her face, and attempts nonchalance, "I guess I don't need Freud to tell me what it means." She forces a single laugh and says, "It's a pretty crappy dream."

I shift so I can speak directly in her ear, "Isabella Swan, you are not going to hell. You know that, right?"

She nods unconvincingly, "Yeah, I guess."

"No… No, not 'you guess." I much as I hate to break our physical contact, I have to look her in the eyes. I pull away and turn her towards me, holding her face in my hands, "You must know how good you are."

Her face creases, and she pleads, "Tell me what Carlisle said to you."

"Carlisle?"

"After the phone call… at the hotel. Did he forgive you?"

"No… I mean… forgiveness wasn't even an issue. I'm sorry I didn't think to tell you sooner. He… he blessed us, our relationship."

"He did?" I can see the relief, the hope, wash away her furrowed brow.

"Yes. We prayed together in the hospital chapel."

"You prayed for us?"

"Yes we did. And I pray everyday for you, Bella… for us."

"Me too." Bella tears have ceased and I find the courage approach a topic that would send most people away screaming.

"Um… I was thinking about Sunday… um… I was wondering if you want to go to church. We could go separately and meet up after, or I could go to church with you, you with me… or there's a Unitarian Church downtown…"

"Unitarian? Worship with those heathens? Never." Bella breaks into a soft laugh, and I can see her humor is back. "The Unitarian Church sounds good. Does Carlisle have a church?"

"He takes turns leading service at the seminary. But this week he's filling in at University Temple."

"Oh, that's such a pretty church. Can we go there?"

"Sure." Bella yawns and rests her head back on my chest. I can see the long night is finally taking its toll. "Will you wake me if you wake up again?"

"Mmm… yes."

"Good, or I'm going to have to put a bell around you so I wake when you wake." I feel her smile on my chest. I can tell she's almost asleep, so I blow in her ear. "Out, out, bad dreams."

"Thank you… Edward, this handkerchief is really soft."

"I know. Gay shluffen, Bella."

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A/N:

Oh, those two.

Life in the FF world would not be complete without a banner and a Twilighted thread. Thanks to two special ladies, SMGR now has both.

Thank you so much to Hoot, who made me a beautiful banner and to Elliedgasmswoon, who started a Twilighted thread. You can find both links on my profile.

I'll be stopping by Twilighted to chat. I hope to see you there.

So, reviews… do you think Saintward will be a minister or therapist?