Thank you everyone for such lovely feedback on this one. I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoy chapter two. Love, IJKS xxx

Chapter Two

I've been stuck in hospital for days and I'm so over it. I am more than ready to get out and back to my full health, not to mention to start putting my plan into action.

I was in a coma for two days before I woke up. My former Doctor, Sid Walker (he got fired the other day for assaulting his daughter's boyfriend), said that I was really lucky Ruby, Brax and Casey found me when they did. If I had been left any longer with no oxygen getting to my brain then I would have died. My heart would have continued to beat but I wouldn't have been able to breathe on my own or regain consciousness.

Aside from the fact that I would have been sad to die with so many things unfinished, my biggest relief over surviving is Ruby. She is my next of kin and technically and adult now. If I had been reliant on life support then it would have been down to her to decide whether to switch the machine off or not. I would hate to have been the cause of that pain for her.

When I told her how I really felt about things, I was convinced she was going to reject me. Despite the fact that I was having to leave my job in order to date a former River Boy with a clear conscience, things had settled pretty perfectly before I was attacked. Brax and I were in love and my daughter and his brother were also in love. The four of us were moving to the city to start again and live as one, big happy family.

So when I confessed to her that I needed to ruin that plan, I was terrified that she would hate me. She admitted that in a different circumstance, she would have objected. Things are currently more than a little awkward now that I have ended my relationship with Brax and I am sure that's having an effect on poor Ruby and Casey.

But she explained, when I told her how I felt, that she knew too well what it was like to think she had lost me. So now, no matter what I do and what decisions I make, she will always stick by me and keep me close. She said that over the last couple of years, we spent too much time fighting and misunderstanding each other. She said she doesn't want to waste that time again.

It was the night that I woke up from my coma that I broke the news to her. When I came round, she was with me, holding my hand. She was the most beautiful sight I could ever have woken up to. Brax had wound up in a cell for taking out his feelings on a random bystander.

He'd left the hospital the first day when he'd learned that Jake was responsible for my condition. He'd tracked him down and beaten the shit out of him before the police showed up and took them both into custody. They let him go, mostly just grateful that he had led them to my attacker. Jake had confessed to everything unapologetically and I gather he was most regretful that he hadn't managed to finish me off.

But yesterday, when Brax had come to the hospital to visit me, some guy accidentally backed his car into him. Brax lost his temper and punched him. The police were called and he's been charged with assault. In some ways, it makes this whole thing easier. I don't want to be with a man who is capable of so much violence. And I know this is the least of what he is capable of.

I truly believe that if we had managed to get out of the Bay and started again, Brax really would have changed. I believe we would have made it work. He's done a lot of bad things but he was so intent on changing his life and going back on his crimes. He'd even left the River Boys for me and was grudgingly happy with leaving his nightmare brother, Heath behind. But I guess all of that wasn't enough. And who's to say that all of this wasn't meant to be? If we were meant to live a happy life together, we would have. I don't believe you can fight fate.

I had Ruby all to myself the first night that I woke up, once the Doctors and Nurses had finished poking me and putting me through all sorts of tests and stuff. They still haven't stopped telling me how much of a miracle my recovery is. They said that really, I should have died and they're amazed that I've survived with nothing more than breathing difficulties.

The bullets hit my lung, which was what was so dangerous about it and I will probably have to use an inhaler regularly for the rest of my life. They stuck a tube up my nose as soon as they could to get oxygen back into my system. It's very uncomfortable.

But anyway, I sat with Ruby and I told her about my reaction to being shot. I told her that the two people I'd thought about when I thought I was going to die, were her and Joey. And I told her that I'd promised myself or God or the world or… someone, that if I pulled through, I would rectify my mistakes.

She was surprised, of course. I've given up so much to be with Brax and surely you wouldn't do that if you didn't love someone? And I did love him. I do. And I probably always will. But Joey stole my heart a long time ago and I've been completely incapable of getting her out of my system.

Ruby told me that if I was to break up with Brax then she would be sad in a lot of ways but that she would support me. She said that on the one hand, I seemed so happy with him. Despite the circumstances, we're a really good match and it's very clear that he loves me. I tried so hard to be happy with Angelo but looking back, he treated me a like shit a lot of the time. But for all his faults, Brax loved me much better than Angelo ever did.

But nobody could ever love me like Joey did. My feelings for Brax are the closest I have ever come to loving someone like I loved Joey. But he'll never be quite the same or even quite enough. Brax is exciting because he's dangerous. He's passionate and he makes me laugh. He's good looking and I've developed quite a thing for tattoos since knowing him.

She was exciting but not in a dangerous way. Just looking at her would send a clandestine thrill through me. When I was trying to fight my feelings for her, all she had to do was touch my hand and I was reduced to a quivering wreck. I had similar experiences of passion with Brax but not quite the same.

She was passionate but in a more gentle, loving way. She always had me in stitches with her little jokes and good natured humour. And she was beautiful – inside and outside. I can still close my eyes and pictures her absolutely perfectly. Sometimes I think about her and wonder how she might have changed and what she might have been up to over the last few years. I certainly regularly wonder if she remembers me or misses me at all. I guess soon, I will find out.

Next time… Charlie breaks up with Brax…